₦airaland Forum

alizma:
Those raised by both parents are not totally excluded. You need to add that men should observe the spread of authority in their prospective in-laws house before they say I do.
If the woman is in charge, the young lady is likely going to see it as a normal thing for her to be in charge.

Every unmarried young man should never forget this.

Nonexisting1:
Did he tell you he was a Christian? You said if she is not committed to the marriage, he should work things out. How? Does that statement make sense to you? You expect him to remain married to a vile woman and when he dies in it, you will turn around and call him a fool. You people should stop asslicking the women folks here, the highest thing they can give una is puna which one can easily order online nowadays.

If u r are abused and insulted in ur place of work the first day, till the 10th month, will u resign?
U don't just pack and leave cos u r i have a toxic workplace, so is marriage, marriahe can never be bed of roses. They r some families that have everything yet no child, they still stick together hoping...
They r some that no joy interrms of money but they r pushing..
In marriage u try all possible avenues to see if it will work before throwing the towel.
I know its not always easy when things like this prop up, but as a man u need to explore all avenues before jumping into conclusion.
And the statement that one should forbid any woman raised by a single mom is not fact.
There r so many ladies out there who were raised by single mom and they are all doing well with their families.
When u pick the wrong person, even if dem born am and raised her in a cathedral, she go be a torn in the flesh for u.

Bola146:
Marriage I don't know why I'm always shocked when I see this word. May we never be victim of bad spouse. If you marry the wrong person, na the end be that Lord, I don't pray for a bad man as husband please

Then have a clear picture of what a good man is like.

Pecoleee345:
Why does the society see men hitting women as bad thing but women cursing and abusive as normal.

A woman who curses and abuses you will still have the nerve to ask you for money.

Am not a perfect man..... I have my flaws but I am careful with words because I know what bad words can do to people.

Should a man be forced to stay with a woman who curses, abuses and threatens to get him arrested if he touch her despite you have never lay a finger on her in 3yrs of marriage.

People are telling me she is doing it due to anger that she doesn't mean it......am told to avoid making her angry and is that possible.
She gets me angry most times but I just leave the house and go cool off...
I have tried to teach her the act of keeping quiet in moment of anger but she never learns

She is permitted to rain curses and abuses on me because she is a woman and am expected not to react because that's how most women behave.

At this junction have made up my mind to divorce her.....I never wished for this but I can't take this ...... many people see this character of most women as normal (am told there power is in the mouth) but I can't.

Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for their father's sins.

Brother I understand you perfectly.
God wisdom will guide you.
Give your life to Jesus and see him helping you out divorce is worse bro
But you need help yourself

Romanoff:
That what all I said in the comment?

Please go and read again from top to bottom.

I have read it and thus my question: "would you advocate taking divorce off the table if physical abuse was a factor, considering you said it is on par with verbal/emotional abuse?" This thing is simple english na

pansophist:
If you will be honest with yourself, you will admit that you are responsible for the situation that you are in. There is possibly no way she didn't show these behaviours before marriage, but you ignored and ringed her fingers. So why the shock? Marrying her was you implicitly acknowledging that her behaviours were acceptable. But there is a solution, and it is to divorce her. It is even easier since you do not have a child together.

Women from an existential perspective are weaker vessels, and the characteristic of the weak is exploitation, which she is doing perfectly well. Tolerating, ignoring, and leaving the house, etc won't make her stop her disgusting behaviours, instead, she would double up to determine the extent of the abuse she can get away with, while assured that you will tolerate it from her. It also seems that she does not have any fear of losing you, which is a problem in itself. For example, my spouse may decide that she would torment my life henceforth, but she knows I won't accept it, and that would instantly end our relationship. The fear of losing me is enough deterrent to keep her in check. And for a woman to fear losing you, she needs to see the value you hold.

The battle is usually won before the war, and if you lay your mat right, you won't be passing through these problems at all, since it's a foundational problem by nature. You know your situation better, so go and iron it out. You need to look at things honestly and be sure you want real changes. If there are any bad behaviours that you do to her, and you know to be genuinely wrong, stop it. You can not point fingers at her, while immune yourself from your wrong deeds. And do not relent in those qualities that made you attractive to her, that is what will bring respect, keep her in check, and makes you infinitely attractive. Stay strong.

well said brother

Pecoleee345:
Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for their father's sins.

True words, if anyone can they should avoid them. Even men raised by single mums also have this psych damage.

MummyD2020:
They think say marriage na by muscle. Just yesterday i was discussing with hubby and said, soldier don tire u? Macho man, u don tire for wahala. E say e really don tire na calmness level now oh. Its not by gra gra. Even me sef d same thing. You will be doing i dont take shit, this one that one. Na u go tire. Im not excusing terrible behaviour.


Op single people that still depend on mummy thank u plenty for here oh

We're not talking about gragra here madam, it's about being able to command respect and discipline but it's a shame for men whose wives don't respect, and it's disrespectful to curse your husband

A good friend of mine called me yesterday and asked that I advise him on how to counsel a couple.

He said the husband came to him asking for his intervention because the wife was asking for a divorce.
The friend said his wife likes to send money to Nigeria a lot and constantly insist on using their joint savings for this.

I told him to talk to the wife and try his best to be unbiased.

He called me the next day, almost in tears. He said immediately he raised the topic with the wife, she started crying and said, since they married, the man has kept a tight hold on the family's purse string. Her husband shops for the groceries and buys everything from their joint account and she has no access to the money. That she cannot even buy a decent outfit for herself in spite of working so hard.

Moral of the story...

Don't believe a one sided story. There are 3 sides to every story...
Your view, my view and the truth.

Belafonte:
would you give this advice if the complainant had been a woman talking about how she was being constantly boxed by her husband?

This Is a very clear and direct question, since it has been postulated that boxing = Verbal/emotional abuse still waiting to hear the response

Pecoleee345:
Why does the society see men hitting women as bad thing but women cursing and abusive as normal.

A woman who curses and abuses you will still have the nerve to ask you for money.

Am not a perfect man..... I have my flaws but I am careful with words because I know what bad words can do to people.
I
Should a man be forced to stay with a woman who curses, abuses and threatens to get him arrested if he touch her despite you have never lay a finger on her in 3yrs of marriage.

People are telling me she is doing it due to anger that she doesn't mean it......am told to avoid making her angry and is that possible.
She gets me angry most times but I just leave the house and go cool off...
I have tried to teach her the act of keeping quiet in moment of anger but she never learns

She is permitted to rain curses and abuses on me because she is a woman and am expected not to react because that's how most women behave.

At this junction have made up my mind to divorce her.....I never wished for this but I can't take this ...... many people see this character of most women as normal (am told there power is in the mouth) but I can't.

Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for their father's sins.

Your last statement made sense though. But I've recently been with this girl that has a brother and both are currently being raised by their single mother.
Though she would tell me she's a feminist, I've tried to see her act awkward but she's gradually proving she's not the girl I'm expecting from her background.

crossfire47:
This Is a very clear and direct question, still waiting to hear the response

I just taya. See her dancing atilogwu everywhere and refusing to answer the question

Pecoleee345:
Why does the society see men hitting women as bad thing but women cursing and abusive as normal.

A woman who curses and abuses you will still have the nerve to ask you for money.

Am not a perfect man..... I have my flaws but I am careful with words because I know what bad words can do to people.

Should a man be forced to stay with a woman who curses, abuses and threatens to get him arrested if he touch her despite you have never lay a finger on her in 3yrs of marriage.

People are telling me she is doing it due to anger that she doesn't mean it......am told to avoid making her angry and is that possible.
She gets me angry most times but I just leave the house and go cool off...
I have tried to teach her the act of keeping quiet in moment of anger but she never learns

She is permitted to rain curses and abuses on me because she is a woman and am expected not to react because that's how most women behave.

At this junction have made up my mind to divorce her.....I never wished for this but I can't take this ...... many people see this character of most women as normal (am told there power is in the mouth) but I can't.

Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for their father's sins.

Omoh! With the way people are stating this it seems it will be stamped as a red pill truth.

SpruceMediaNG:
[/b]Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for there father sins.[b]

This one really got me mhennn

People are telling me she is doing it due to anger that she doesn't mean it..


Till she crowl at midnight and take knife stab you to death in your sleep, same people will still say it was out of anger, and she will be saying to people she's sorry "Na devil cos am".

Belafonte:
I just taya. See her dancing atilogwu everywhere and refusing to answer the question

SInce Boxing = Verbal / Emotional Abuse,
Man Suffers Verbal / Emotional Abuse, the Proferred solution is "Patience & bring matters to the table"
Woman Suffers Boxing, the Proffered Solution is what ?

Belafonte:
I have read it and thus my question: "would you advocate taking divorce off the table if physical abuse was a factor, considering you said it is on par with verbal/emotional abuse?" This thing is simple english na

Lmao

chatinent:
Oga,


Inasmuch as I understand some women are very annoying, I must remind you the only ground that's christian for divorce: adultery.


If she's not committed one, you need to work things out.

I have once being in a situation when a girl hit me first repeatedly and still ran telling people I attack and beat her.

BTW, didn't you notice this while courting?

Are you a Jehovah's witness?

Worksunlimited:
My brother! You get..

At times I wonder if women meet somewhere, be it social media or real life, to discuss and share the best way to frustrate a man and drive him crazy..

Everywhere you go, is the same issue..

If you go beer parlor, na married men full there..

Annoyingly, this women will tell you they see nothing wrong in their behaviour...

God in his infinitesimal Wisdom Created Man before Woman, and Woman out of Man's ribs, E Get Why.

crossfire47:
SInce Boxing = Verbal / Emotional Abuse,
Man Suffers Verbal / Emotional Abuse, the Proferred solution is "Patience & bring matters to the table"
Woman Suffers Boxing, the Proffered Solution is what ?

Na the matter we dey settle so

dacblogger:
Marriage has its trying times especially in the first 5years...
You already know her flaws,it's left for you to find a way around it.
Dnt leave your marriage cos the devil you know is better than the angel you DNT know.

Stop that nonsense quote " How Is a devil you know, is better than the angel you dont know?

You get sense at all?

A devil is a devil, an angel is an angel..

An Angel you dont know is better than the devil you know.

Get this into your akarans

There is no way abuse should be accepted as being normal behavior. It is a para normal behavior. From verbal and mental abuse you will be dead from inside out slowly but surely. Don't even waste time in moving far away to safety from this threat.

Pecoleee345:
Why does the society see men hitting women as bad thing but women cursing and abusive as normal.

A woman who curses and abuses you will still have the nerve to ask you for money.

Am not a perfect man..... I have my flaws but I am careful with words because I know what bad words can do to people.

Should a man be forced to stay with a woman who curses, abuses and threatens to get him arrested if he touch her despite you have never lay a finger on her in 3yrs of marriage.

People are telling me she is doing it due to anger that she doesn't mean it......am told to avoid making her angry and is that possible.
She gets me angry most times but I just leave the house and go cool off...
I have tried to teach her the act of keeping quiet in moment of anger but she never learns

She is permitted to rain curses and abuses on me because she is a woman and am expected not to react because that's how most women behave.

At this junction have made up my mind to divorce her.....I never wished for this but I can't take this ...... many people see this character of most women as normal (am told there power is in the mouth) but I can't.

Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for their father's sins.

on point

SpruceMediaNG:
[/b]Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for there father sins.[b]

If you are lazy
Drink and smoke daily
Abusive
Not providing, or making efforts to provide for the family
Not giving at least 20% help with the kids (or employ someone to help her) , keeping late nights constantly
Fragile ego.


Then you have to expect some type of verbal abuse, because most women despise these traits. If you know you are doing any of these, then fix up. If not, then you are free to label your wife whatever you wish. It’s not about trying to be perfect, but you must make some type of compromise /sacrifice when living with a stranger (wife), otherwise there will never be peace. Women must also do the same.

I personally don't see how any of the comments hereon has helped this young man.
Most of the comments are emotional rather than cerebral.

Now OP...
Cursing, shouting and violence against another are signs of an emotionally injured person.
Have you cared enough to wonder why your wife is so unhappy?

I tell people, it's as simple as ABC..."Happy people give off happy vibes, sad people give off sad vibes and angry people give off angry vibes"......the list goes on.

Love and marriage are supposed to be for better for worse...
I love you means.... I am willing to do everything I possibly can to make you happy and contented. I am in your corner. It's not about me, it's about you.
If you were the one that has anger issues, what would you expect your wife to do? Leave, file for a divorce?

I am not justifying bad behavior, but love is reaching. Let's encourage each other in love.
My advice to OP is.... listen to the things your wife is not saying and try to determine her pain points, something is going on. Be a friend.

All the best. Cheers

victons:
Your last statement made sense though. But I've recently been with this girl that has a brother and both are currently being raised by their single mother.
Though she would tell me she's a feminist, I've tried to see her act awkward but she's gradually proving she's not the girl I'm expecting from her background.

Better run....@feminist. Trust me you don't want to go that path

poiZon:
If u r are abused and insulted in ur place of work the first day, till the 10th month, will u resign?
U don't just pack and leave cos u r i have a toxic workplace, so is marriage, marriahe can never be bed of roses. They r some families that have everything yet no child, they still stick together hoping...
They r some that no joy interrms of money but they r pushing..
In marriage u try all possible avenues to see if it will work before throwing the towel.
I know its not always easy when things like this prop up, but as a man u need to explore all avenues before jumping into conclusion.
And the statement that one should forbid any woman raised by a single mom is not fact.
There r so many ladies out there who were raised by single mom and they are all doing well with their families.
When u pick the wrong person, even if dem born am and raised her in a cathedral, she go be a torn in the flesh for u.

Of course, there is always an exception. However, in truth, children raised by a single parent are not balanced psychologically. There is a reason two should raise a child; for balance. I trust the OP knows what he is saying. I have seen this play out severally. There is always a void/emptiness and hidden anger somewhere in them. Not like there can't be a solution, but you must be Graced to survive such spouse!!

crazymommy:
You people should learn to speak with wisdom....there are some weaknesses you cannot act as succour to...same way I cannot succour to a man that beats me physically is the way a man should also not succour to a woman that abuses him too...let us all stop encouraging bad manners all because of marriage......."do not judge" is the reason why Nigeria is where it is today...People do wrong things and we say "we should not judge them"........let us call a spade a spade...

miss holy holy welcome, nice wisdom there. You act like you are perfect........ before you judge another, walk a mile in their shoes. Why don't you hear the other side too before jumping into conclusion. Remember there are always 3 sides to a story. Your side, my side and the truth. Take that wisdom and chill

Belafonte:
I have read it and thus my question: "would you advocate taking divorce off the table if physical abuse was a factor, considering you said it is on par with verbal/emotional abuse?" This thing is simple english na

Yes. I'd suggest a separation till the abuser changes.

I'm not an advocate of divorce.

Pecoleee345:
Why does the society see men hitting women as bad thing but women cursing and abusive as normal.

A woman who curses and abuses you will still have the nerve to ask you for money.

Am not a perfect man..... I have my flaws but I am careful with words because I know what bad words can do to people.

Should a man be forced to stay with a woman who curses, abuses and threatens to get him arrested if he touch her despite you have never lay a finger on her in 3yrs of marriage.

People are telling me she is doing it due to anger that she doesn't mean it......am told to avoid making her angry and is that possible.
She gets me angry most times but I just leave the house and go cool off...
I have tried to teach her the act of keeping quiet in moment of anger but she never learns

She is permitted to rain curses and abuses on me because she is a woman and am expected not to react because that's how most women behave.

At this junction have made up my mind to divorce her.....I never wished for this but I can't take this ...... many people see this character of most women as normal (am told there power is in the mouth) but I can't.

Lastly men please avoid women raised by single mother they come with venom and naturally demage psychological...they will take revenge on you for their father's sins.

That last paragraph is so damn true,guys....Such ladies are full of venom indeed. Eyes don see

Tajbol4splend:
We're not talking about gragra here madam, it's about being able to command respect and discipline but it's a shame for men whose wives don't respect, and it's disrespectful to curse your husband

See ehh, u think all this people that celebrate 20 years and 30 years did not suffer? Its bot easy. Also remember that as humans, he is equally not innocent. I am not excusing bad behaviour. Its not infidelity so it can be amended.

pongwa:
miss holy holy welcome, nice wisdom there. You act like you are perfect........ before you judge another, walk a mile in their shoes. Why don't you hear the other side too before jumping into conclusion. Remember there are always 3 sides to a story. Your side, my side and the truth. Take that wisdom and chill

K