MrBrownJay1:


morning after pill...

Is there morning after pill in hell fire to assuage the eternal suffering there? The wise creator tells you not to indulge in something, you're trying to talk smart. When the medical and spiritual import of a promiscous life hit you hard, you'll realize the ordinariness of a man on his dying bed regardless of their status.

3minssex:
Can't the women take care of their kids by themselves though? Cuz that's where most of the complains come into the picture. Most men don't wanna take responsibility for a kid that's not theirs,hence they avoid single women.

I believe this problem can be solved if single mothers stop assuming that any man that come into their life or marry them must be responsible for their child(s).

a single mother comes as a package, and no matter how you wanna look at it, one way or the other, the child will be part of your life. yes it aint for everybody to raise another man's child, but if you set boundaries etc, it should be very easy. you cant marry a single mother and not be involved in that childs life.

BePrepared:
Sorry to say but ur take here is unreasonable
The bottom of these whole discourse is ore marital sex, stop it and u have a saner society

we are not here to judge people who have premarital sex nor are we here to give unreasonable solutions... the reality is that people will have premarital sex whether we like it or not, because not everyone's life is dictated by some holybook. now, is it wrong to have premarital sex?! NO ITS NOT. so long as you protect yourself accordingly.

but hey, accidents happen everywhere in life...just like the holiest xtians who goes to church every single day can come out of church and get hit by a drunk driver. its called LIFE!

simplesearch:
Is there morning after pill in hell fire to assuage the eternal suffering there? The wise creator tells you not to indulge in something, you're trying to talk smart. When the medical and spiritual import of a promiscous life hit you hard, you'll realize the ordinariness of a man on his dying bed regardless of their status.

sorry, we are here to share valid solutions, not some gibberish nonsense... your creator hasnt been able to fix the world for 1000s of years yet you are still believing that this creator of yours is the solution?!?!? LOL, stop being blinded by nonsense.

TheGidRedpiller:
I verify this comment.

I second this verification

Terrier99:
If you are foolish enough to date a single mom, be aware of the following.

Her kids are the priority. Her child or children are always going to come first.

She is rarely available. You can't come over to see her, because she's not comfortable with introducing you to her kids as yet.

If you decide to live with her, then you will be under obligation to take care of her child or children.

You are going to be taking care of another man's child.

She is connected to the child's father for life and both parties may still have feelings for each other.

It is not uncommon for single mothers to sleep with their child's father, even though the relationship has come to an end a long time ago.

Furthermore, a jealous ex partner may make life difficult for you.

If you decide to go ahead, na you sabi.

@ bolden...unless she's tonto

Kobojunkiee:
Unwanted by whom?

unwanted by the two gullible people who had sex without thinking of the consequences of their actions... thus it resulting in single motherhood.

AfroKnight:

Interesting take.

What was altered didn’t take away from the crux of the matter which is the unfair demonisation of men who refuse to date single mothers. It is essentially the same story.

Ignore that human.

Whether that story is altered or not, it still speak of the reality many Nigerian men face when it relates with single mothers and how they tend, like aways tend to push the responsibility of raising a child that isn't yours on whoever they're dating.

To me that is very mischievous. It's something I've seen an experience not just once but many times.

In all fairness, a single mother should let it out straight on that she's a single mother if and when she meets a guy who she feels is developing interest in her. Period.

SyrusdeHansome:
What so many guys don't knw is that not every single mother is a LovePeddler. So many girls got pregnant after trying sex just once. Some of them got pregnant as a result of rape. They had the choice of terminating the pregnancy but refused to commit the sin of fornication nd murder. Not all virgins r good 4 marriage. Being a virgin doesn't necessarily translate to having the needed character that will sustain marriage. There's more to marriage than sex mbok. Let's drop this bias narrative abt single mothers cos the dfrns b/w them nd some of ur saint girlfrnds who r fun of aborting their 2day nd future babies is that they were bold enof to keep the pregnancy out of love 4 the innocent foetus. As 4 me peace of mind is what i need in marriage so if its a single mother that'll give that to me then i'll happily marry her.

and what makes you think most single mothers haven't done several abortions in the past and decides to keep the present for for fear of loosing their womb or some sort of medical complications?

SyrusdeHansome:
What so many guys don't knw is that not every single mother is a LovePeddler. So many girls got pregnant after trying sex just once. Some of them got pregnant as a result of rape. They had the choice of terminating the pregnancy but refused to commit the sin of fornication nd murder. Not all virgins r good 4 marriage. Being a virgin doesn't necessarily translate to having the needed character that will sustain marriage. There's more to marriage than sex mbok. Let's drop this bias narrative abt single mothers cos the dfrns b/w them nd some of ur saint girlfrnds who r fun of aborting their 2day nd future babies is that they were bold enof to keep the pregnancy out of love 4 the innocent foetus. As 4 me peace of mind is what i need in marriage so if its a single mother that'll give that to me then i'll happily marry her.

You can marry a single mother, that's your choice. But I agree with the OP. I can't marry a single mother because the consequences will be disastrous in future (especially one whose baby daddy is still alive). Most times, these single mothers still have emotional attachment to their baby daddy that with just a phone call, she is already in his place pleasuring him even while married to you.

But the greatest problem will be the child. If you marry her, she will likely bring her child to stay in your house. Will you be responsible for his upkeep? To what extent can you discipline a child that is not yours? She may even tell you not to hit the child cos you are not the father. The child may grow up one day and warn you to keep your corrections/advise to yourself cos you are not his/her father. Will the child be maltreated for not being "part of the family"? Will the baby daddy come later to cause trouble for you and your family?


The summary of it all is that marrying a single mother in Africa will almost always cause problems in the marriage in future!

MrBrownJay1:


A) in Nigeria/Africa, it is a well known fact that men frown upon single women. IMHO, it is down to insecurities and misplaced ego but that is a whole different subject for anotherday.

B) why would you care where the loyalty of a mother lays? if you'd viewed that woman as a whole (aka her and her baby) then down the line your loyalty would also be linked to that child. the important question would be: is that the problem you may have OR the baby being a confirmation that some other dude had sex with your possible "woman" before you?

i really dont see where the problem is...

Hmmm! I think the problem comes later


In a case where the child knows you’re not his/her dad


The woman for sure will want you to treat the child as yours when it comes to goodies and enjoyment, but on discipline she will remind you it’s her child



Not just that, later in the future the father will come after you’ve brought the child up and start asking for silly forgiveness, the mother will just let you know...... thanks for all you’ve done, but the child’s father is the child’s father



I’ve seen this Shii play out........ inasmuch as there’s nothing wrong so far the guy can believe he can go into it.......


But those who have weighed the pros and cons should not be demonized for saying tufiakwa

SyrusdeHansome:
What so many guys don't knw is that not every single mother is a LovePeddler. So many girls got pregnant after trying sex just once. Some of them got pregnant as a result of rape. They had the choice of terminating the pregnancy but refused to commit the sin of fornication nd murder. Not all virgins r good 4 marriage. Being a virgin doesn't necessarily translate to having the needed character that will sustain marriage. There's more to marriage than sex mbok. Let's drop this bias narrative abt single mothers cos the dfrns b/w them nd some of ur saint girlfrnds who r fun of aborting their 2day nd future babies is that they were bold enof to keep the pregnancy out of love 4 the innocent foetus. As 4 me peace of mind is what i need in marriage so if its a single mother that'll give that to me then i'll happily marry her.

and what makes you think most single mothers haven't done several abortions in the past and decides to keep the present for for fear of loooosing their womb or some sort of medical complications?

Romanoff:
Yet, if you tell both male and female to stop fornicating, they will come for you.

Many are having premarital sex and children are one of the consequences of premarital sex.

You people frown at people doing abortions but won't marry a single mum or won't abstain from sex.

If your partner gets pregnant for you, na una go first say make she abort am, yet, some of you won't marry a woman who has done abortion before.

Una no see say this premarital sex thing no worth am las las?

Your head Get oil.
Please get to learn/Read about the teachings of prophet Muhammad personally.

erico2k2:

it is 90% safe though

But 10% risk is such a big risk

We stil av better single mothers than d single babes

Some are not jus lucky

I beg to differ. There are many reaspns why a wpman can judge a man wrongly and later realise her mistake
And its better to walk away baby and all
But it's wrong of you to assume that the woman will still be sleeping with the irresponsible man
Yes their child comes first because they got this children in pains
And they know that they're the only ones that can trulylove these kids
And there's an element of guilt knowing your child will suffer the consequences of your mistakes
And yes i was a single mum

Davash222:

Ask 99.7536% of Nigeria single mothers about the father of their child/ren, this is always their response.

Does it mean they are foolish or blind to open legs for irresponsible men?

When dating a single mom, always remember, her child comes first before you. Also remember, the father of the child has 100% access to her kpekus.

Godspeed to all prospective Single mothers' attendees.

MrBrownJay1:


A) in Nigeria/Africa, it is a well known fact that men frown upon single women. IMHO, it is down to insecurities and misplaced ego but that is a whole different subject for anotherday.

B) why would you care where the loyalty of a mother lays? if you'd viewed that woman as a whole (aka her and her baby) then down the line your loyalty would also be linked to that child. the important question would be: is that the problem you may have OR the baby being a confirmation that some other dude had sex with your possible "woman" before you?

i really dont see where the problem is...

I feel I already stated where her loyalty would become a problem. It appears I was not clear though.

As a father, it is my duty to raise my children with the full support of my wife. However women care more for their kids than the men who gave them the seed to form those kids. Now, I am talking from real-life experience. She will second-guess my intentions at various points in time, where the discipline of her son (who isn’t mine) is concerned.

I’m not about to be told I can’t talk to her son in a certain kind of way or I can’t expect some level of discipline from him just because he isn’t mine.

I’d rather raise kids I have equal rights to by virtue of my DNA.

Ruthymoon:
Y'all men can't date a single mother ,but y'all busy dating and sleeping with married women , so stupid,

Irrelevant to this topic. You asked yourself a different question and answered it by yourself.

J2381:
Ignore that human.

Whether that story is altered or not, it still speak of the reality many Nigerian men face when it relates with single mothers and how they tend, like aways tend to push the responsibility of raising a child that isn't yours on whoever they're dating.

To me that is very mischievous. It's something I've seen an experience not just once but many times.

In all fairness, a single mother should let it out straight on that she's a single mother if and when she meets a guy who she feels is developing interest in her. Period.

Period.

RexTramadol1:

Hmmm! I think the problem comes later
In a case where the child knows you’re not his/her dad
The woman for sure will want you to treat the child as yours when it comes to goodies and enjoyment, but on discipline she will remind you it’s her child

i beg to differ... you can easily set boundaries to make sure that you are not emotionally involved with that child, and as much as that child may be part of your life and shared expense (as a new family), you can easily take your emotional distance and remind that child always that you aint his daddy. just because you raise/live with someone doesnt mean you have to automatically be his daddy.

Not just that, later in the future the father will come after you’ve brought the child up and start asking for silly forgiveness, the mother will just let you know...... thanks for all you’ve done, but the child’s father is the child’s father

the child already has a father, and however useless that man may be, dont be fooling yourself to think that you are that childs daddy. now, if you have issues raising/educating/paying school fees for such child, then let his mother know from the get go and make sure he does not benefit a kobo from your income....but however you wanna look at it, that child will be in your life (since you are with his mother) so you might as well make it an enjoyable ride for the three of you.

btw let the man be forgiven for his mistake, wetin concern you with that?! is your misplaced ego afraid that mama will now go back to the babydaddy and leave you?!?!?!

But those who have weighed the pros and cons should not be demonized for saying tufiakwa

sadly, you havent said a single pro here and only focussing on the cons. be open minded about the issue bro.

Never be a step father, end of story

Bro you didn't dodge a bullet. You dodged an atomic bomb. Some of us thought there's was nothing wrong in giving a single mother a second chance and being a hero to come save the helpless woman and child.....heheheheheh..... Before you enter they will be begging and crying till they trap you.
1. You will just be a cheque for her child...whom she only cares about in the true sense. You can starve and she will not care as long as her child eats

2. The baby daddy is the one she really wants and will always have access there.. you are just there for her to save face.
3. You will feel so stupid as you can't even discipline the child without she frowning.
4. The only way it can work is if she is not evil enough to expect you to take care of another man's child by leaving the child out of the union
5.if she tells you ..she and the kid are a package.... bro tell her you're not a scavenger.
Finally the child will always be a reminder ,your partner was a man's sperm dumpsite. Trust me that bites... as you will be the neigbourhood fool.

If you have your life together don't complicate your life. Its a very bad deal I don't wish my enemies. Don't mind these useless feminists that come to talk rubbish.... run for your life.

@Romanoff
Yet, if you tell both male and female to stop fornicating, they will come for you.

Many are having premarital sex and children are one of the consequences of premarital sex.

You people frown at people doing abortions but won't marry a single mum or won't abstain from sex.

If your partner gets pregnant for you, na una go first say make she abort am, yet, some of you won't marry a woman who has done abortion before.

Una no see say this premarital sex thing no worth am las las?



@me
10 gbams for you.

Terrier99:
If you are foolish enough to date a single mom, be aware of the following.

Her kids are the priority. Her child or children are always going to come first.

She is rarely available. You can't come over to see her, because she's not comfortable with introducing you to her kids as yet.

If you decide to live with her, then you will be under obligation to take care of her child or children.

You are going to be taking care of another man's child.

She is connected to the child's father for life and both parties may still have feelings for each other.

It is not uncommon for single mothers to sleep with their child's father, even though the relationship has come to an end a long time ago.

Furthermore, a jealous ex partner may make life difficult for you.

If you decide to go ahead, na you sabi.

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AfroKnight:
I feel I already stated where her loyalty would become a problem. It appears I was not clear though.

As a father, it is my duty to raise my children with the full support of my wife. However women care more for their kids than the men who gave them the seed to form those kids. Now, I am talking from real-life experience. She will second-guess my intentions at various points in time, where the discipline of her son (who isn’t mine) is concerned.

well its her son, let her raise that little bastard the way she sees fit... why do you have a problem with that?! are you saying that if you meet a woman and live with her as a family, you should decide how she should raise that child?!?!?

I’m not about to be told I can’t talk to her son in a certain kind of way or I can’t expect some level of discipline from him just because he isn’t mine.

just because they come as a package doesnt mean you can do what you wish with her child... why do you even wanna be emotionally involved? shouldnt she have a say in the matter of HOW TO RAISE HER CHILD?! what if you are too strict, too harsh, too hard with the child, should she just be quiet and let you abuse the child anyhow? isnt it something that BOTH OF YOU should discuss as mature adults?!

I’d rather raise kids I have equal rights to by virtue of my DNA.

we all do, but even then you still should do that in a proper manner and MUMMY has the right to intervene, if she believes that your way of raising y'all children is too harsh/hard/violent/extreme etc

Its a mixed feelings sha. I would hv become a father by now if I had impregnated a single mother I once dated in 2011. Babe wanted me to date and impregnate her buh I japa.

Few years later she told me d girl later died of typhoid or so. Babe is now in Dubai balling, she's now a very big girl. Chaii Yetunde baby

Romanoff:


Even condom dey break. Well we'll sef. So if that happens, what next?

Abortion, keep the baby?

Condom breaks, there are pharmaceutical remedies immediately it is discovered...

Echara:


But 10% risk is such a big risk

Less risky compared to abortion and damaging ur womb

AfroKnight:
Parts of the story have been altered cos affected parties might be nairalanders.

A while ago, I met a beautiful woman. She carry front, she carry back. Both in desirable proportions. I got her number and we got talking. We soon advanced to long calls, flirting and risqué jokes. Then she posted a boy on her WhatsApp status one day and the caption rocked me to my foundation. I asked and she confirmed that the little boy was her son. Okay.

“Where is his father?”

“He is not responsible. He is not involved in his son’s life. I take care of him alone.”

“Well, no problem”, I thought to myself. I reminded myself that it is not my dream in life to deal with the complications of raising a son who is not biologically mine, especially one whose father is still very much alive. So, I slowed down. Reduced calls until we drifted apart.

I told a female friend of mine about this and the way she looked at me ehn, I was wondering what I did wrong. She was so disappointed in me for refusing to date a single mother.

Well, I gave that friend of mine a piece of my mind. She had no right to project her concept of right or wrong or even chivalry on me! I am nobody’s saviour. I cannot pick up the responsibilities of another man who is alive and well. It is not only unfair but incredibly unjust to put a man on the spot by letting him find out you have a child after you guys have started flirting and even advanced in the talking stage of a budding relationship. I don dey feel you to the point of starting a serious relationship and I discover this? It is wrong.

And it is even more offensive that you would expect a man to just take it in stride.

Guys do not be shy to refuse if you don’t want.

Some guys are cool with it and that’s fine. If I’m not cool with it, don’t demonise me. It’s my choice.

Share your thoughts please.

Guys that are cool with it only date them for Bleep, not marriage. Unless the girl get money sha.

MrBrownJay1:


i beg to differ... you can easily set boundaries to make sure that you are not emotionally involved with that child, and as much as that child may be part of your life and shared expense (as a new family), you can easily take your emotional distance and remind that child always that you aint his daddy. just because you raise/live with someone doesnt mean you have to automatically be his daddy.



the child already has a father, and however useless that man may be, dont be fooling yourself to think that you are that childs daddy. now, if you have issues raising/educating/paying school fees for such child, then let his mother know from the get go and make sure he does not benefit a kobo from your income....but however you wanna look at it, that child will be in your life (since you are with his mother) so you might as well make it an enjoyable ride for the three of you.

btw let the man be forgiven for his mistake, wetin concern you with that?! is your misplaced ego afraid that mama will now go back to the babydaddy and leave you?!?!?!



sadly, you havent said a single pro here and only focussing on the cons. be open minded about the issue bro.

It’s not even about the mother going back to her past love or whoever, wetin concern me?


You’re picking it from the angle of a sane society, this society we live in, if you make such declaration with the woman, she’s the first to react cos you said you can’t pay her child’s school fee



Then she tells her friends and those ones start demonizing you like he’s such a wicked man, what if it’s his child, forgetting there is no what if, father sabi him pikin number

AfroKnight:
Parts of the story have been altered cos affected parties might be nairalanders.

A while ago, I met a beautiful woman. She carry front, she carry back. Both in desirable proportions. I got her number and we got talking. We soon advanced to long calls, flirting and risqué jokes. Then she posted a boy on her WhatsApp status one day and the caption rocked me to my foundation. I asked and she confirmed that the little boy was her son. Okay.

“Where is his father?”

“He is not responsible. He is not involved in his son’s life. I take care of him alone.”

“Well, no problem”, I thought to myself. I reminded myself that it is not my dream in life to deal with the complications of raising a son who is not biologically mine, especially one whose father is still very much alive. So, I slowed down. Reduced calls until we drifted apart.

I told a female friend of mine about this and the way she looked at me ehn, I was wondering what I did wrong. She was so disappointed in me for refusing to date a single mother.

Well, I gave that friend of mine a piece of my mind. She had no right to project her concept of right or wrong or even chivalry on me! I am nobody’s saviour. I cannot pick up the responsibilities of another man who is alive and well. It is not only unfair but incredibly unjust to put a man on the spot by letting him find out you have a child after you guys have started flirting and even advanced in the talking stage of a budding relationship. I don dey feel you to the point of starting a serious relationship and I discover this? It is wrong.

And it is even more offensive that you would expect a man to just take it in stride.

Guys do not be shy to refuse if you don’t want.

Some guys are cool with it and that’s fine. If I’m not cool with it, don’t demonise me. It’s my choice.

Share your thoughts please.

1. Her child comes first before you, whether dating or married to her.
2. There will always be a third party in the marriage or relationship.
3. She can exit your life any given time. She has built herself to be independent and she can revert to that whenever she suspects you.
4. And yes, she will always suspect you.
5. Have a quarrel and she plans on leaving. Hence your life and mindset will always be on the edge.

This happens in most of the cases. They dont normally heal after the pregnancy incident (pregnancy, coping with family, the child, etc) and the next guy will bear the brunt of that hate for men.

RexTramadol1:

It’s not even about the mother going back to her past love or whoever, wetin concern me?

You’re picking it from the angle of a sane society, this society we live in, if you make such declaration with the woman, she’s the first to react cos you said you can’t pay her child’s school fee

Then she tells her friends and those ones start demonizing you like he’s such a wicked man, what if it’s his child, forgetting there is no what if, father sabi him pikin number

bro, there comes a time in a man 's life when he has to start to live his life FOR HIMSELF and he shouldnt give a flying fukc about what people think/say of him (so long as he does right by his own maker). if you really wouldnt be with a single mother bla bla bla because of gossiping fools who know nothing about your life, then you sir have some growing up to do.