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He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. - Family (4) - Nairaland

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I'm Getting Tired Of This Marriage! / I'm Getting Married But I'm Not Happy / Her Family Says I Can't Marry Her Because I'm An SSCE Holder (2) (3) (4)

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Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by womenareapess: 9:32am On Nov 13, 2021
Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice
Naija women and uselessness share symbolic relationship undecided


Useless piece of shiit called Naija women
Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by FutureIsFemale(f): 9:32am On Nov 13, 2021
Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice
Give him space. He needs it. Congratulations.

I hope to be in your shoes soon.

2 Likes

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by richieray: 9:33am On Nov 13, 2021
He's a selfish human being, he wants to eat his cake and have it,let him focus on his marriage,and you should also cut ties and give your prospective husband 100@% attention.

1 Like

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by Nobody: 9:33am On Nov 13, 2021
You cannot sleep on Delilah lap and wake up in Abraham bossom, after sleeping with you buying you something and you render service to him now you want to get married and you don't want to loose him

1 Like

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by Nobody: 9:33am On Nov 13, 2021
Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice

Did you keep him to MILK him ??

Have you given him value in exchange for his money ??

Is it USE and DUMP ??
Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by lawlified: 9:33am On Nov 13, 2021
Annabelle12344:

I'm just worried. That he's going through pain emotionally.
I wish he could be fine and happy as usual. because I'm happy with my man whom I'm getting married to.

You are not a serious person at all. Much as you try to hide it, you seem to prioritize your relationship with the married man than your soon to be married man. I am dead sure your man is not aware about all this.

Have you given it a thought what your man would think about this? How is it your business how he feels? He's a married man for Bleep sake

2 Likes

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by TheMostComplex1: 9:34am On Nov 13, 2021
nautybride:
Mtcheeew. If you had slept with him, if you are saying the truth, he would have dropped your sorry ass.
His lack of concentration is because this investment is down the drain without choping kpekus!

Better stay focused and face front. Don't disappoint another lovely male specie with good intentions.

Well said. Madam face front he's married & wants you to be his side chick so that he will dump you whenever he's tired.
Personally I won't even care cos I see it as wickedness when someone is married & the person is disturbing me for a relationship.



I dey Waka pass. Bye o.

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by loswhite(m): 9:34am On Nov 13, 2021
Annabelle12344:
No. Not at all
madam focus on your marriage leave married man alone.

2 Likes

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by tollyboy5(m): 9:35am On Nov 13, 2021
Annabelle12344:
Yes. I was supposed to cut him off from the beginning if he's intention was defined. But he came in as a friend. Like a big bro Who is already married and happy. Who only wanted to guide and help me secure a job and a good life.
Stop telling lies madam. You knew what he wanted but financial needs made take him as big bro.
Get lost!
You helped him cook!

You're trying hard to look saint. Well the married simp got served well.

2 Likes

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by slickycee: 9:36am On Nov 13, 2021
To be honest with you.

You are aware you created this whole mess, because if you've distanced yourself from him all this nonsense wouldn't happen.

And are you sure you truly love this man you want to get married to

Because most times when a person Is receiving unconditional love from another person they're not dating, they reciprocate that love to the person they're actually dating not the one showing them that Love

Because your mind is wired to be loyal to your boyfriend and he's the one you should submit too



Now about this guy , I hope your fiance is aware of this situationship or else your problem is just starting.


Whatever you do, and whatever the outcome would be it would be on your head.


This so called married man feels betrayed already, nothing can even change that. And he's angry at himself not even you..



I won't advise you on anything , my major concern is that do you really love your fiance.

Because if you did , this your closeness to this other guy won't ever get this far.

The moment you got into a relationship you were supposed to reduce everything and destroy all hopes .


The deed as been done Sha.

I'm really concerned for your fiance
If you truly love him , I expect you to share this issue with him

Since you can trust him and you're going to be commiting your future to him , then go ahead and tell him.

He would know what to do.

That your married friend is hurting now and he deserves it , I'm sure if his wife had a friend like you he wouldn't be happy about it..

My dear focus on your future, make peace with the past and forge ahead

2 Likes

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by NoToPile: 9:37am On Nov 13, 2021
authority2006:


She might not have dated him. There was this girl, we were close, very close. I asked her to date me, she turned me down. She turned me into her uncle for many years and I accepted my fate with her. Years later, I introduced another woman who was ready to marry me to her and I knew she felt hurt, really hurt. People are really funny, that's my point


I kept wondering why people are saying it's not possible she didn't have anything to do with him.

They never see something

But then most boys on NL think one must have slept or romanced a guy if you are close to him.

2 Likes

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by Mayeldah(m): 9:37am On Nov 13, 2021
Annabelle12344:

I'm just worried. That he's going through pain emotionally.
I wish he could be fine and happy as usual. because I'm happy with my man whom I'm getting married to.

Move on with your marriage, he will get over it with time.

You may have eaten deep into his pocket, reason why you feel you owe him healing.

You better be careful before your husband to be start suspecting you.
Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by ogunsbanjul(m): 9:38am On Nov 13, 2021
My advice will be like question to you which is.
How will you feel if you're to be the wife of your self acclaimed family friend married man, interested in an unknown lady who is about getting married? If the answer is HAPPY then call the marriage off and marry him as second wife ( remember building your marriage on polygamy is dangerous) but if the feeling is disappointment, betrayed and cheating then warn the man to forget about you for life by sending message to him, block and delete his numbers. Happy weekend
.
Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice
Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by mt77: 9:38am On Nov 13, 2021
Madam, the good book says abstain from every appearance of evil. But you were enjoying the company of a married man, perhaps cos of the benefits you were deriving financially etc. Madam, face your marriage.

1 Like

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by Nobody: 9:39am On Nov 13, 2021
I hate this nonsense called bestie,more infuriating with the opposite sex...You don't near my wife with that nonsense. It is not insecurity, It is wisdom...Don't bring a Goat into your yam barn and expect it to only bleat without eating the yams grin

1 Like

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by Nobody: 9:40am On Nov 13, 2021
Annabelle12344:


How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice

To be honest, his behaviour is normal. It's like a man who left his wife for another woman but still feels hurt when he sees his ex-wife with another man.

He'll get over it. Just be firm with him and do not continue the platonic relationship with him.

Good luck with your forthcoming nuptials. Blessings.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by TheGift: 9:40am On Nov 13, 2021
You need to have an honest conversation with yourself about how things may have come to this state.

Then you need to have a frank conversation with Him about why it doesn’t work.

Finally, you need to end your “relationship” with Him. It doesn’t have to be anything dramatic, you may or may not need to announce it. Just do it!!!
Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by Yxxx: 9:41am On Nov 13, 2021
Hmmm!!! You tagged him along because of the financial gains.
You played on his weakness . Now you want to drop him.
I put it to you that you are cunny and manipulative.
why didn't you cut / end the Big Brother relationship at the initial stage? Mba you wanted the financial gains and attention.
You met a weak man and took advantage of him. Stop playing the good girl here.
Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by oladayo63(m): 9:42am On Nov 13, 2021
Bonjovi13:
Hmmmmn. As much as I'd like to believe that you didn't sleep with the man, it's hard not to think that you did.
Can you honestly say that you guys did not kiss or do some light or heavy petting over the years?
I find it hard to believe that a married man would keep up a relationship with a single lady and he is not getting anything in return. Cooking and shopping for him doesn't quite do it. Lots of ladies out there wouldn't mind cooking, shopping and sleeping with him.
You said he has several tried to make your relationship sexual and you refused. Did he stop making attempts?
So where did this bond come from? This emotional bond that has made him heartbroken? He got used to you? Meaning you guys spent a lot of time together! Did he know about your boyfriend? Did you boyfriend know about him? Was your boyfriend cool with your relationship with the man? What was his reaction?
One thing you shouldn't do in a faceless online media platform like this is twist the narrative in order to make yourself look good and influence the advice people are going to give you. That's shooting yourself in the foot and crying wolf. Come clean and let people condemn you but at least you would be rewarded with the truth. The truth that can actually help you deal with your situation.
Well,as it is except you have feelings for him too and can't stand to see him suffering,you have got to let him go through the breakup. He will suffer emotionally but he will be fine.
Don't just deceive yourself that he was a big bro bla bla bla...you guys were in a relationship and this is the fall out of unmet expectations

Well thought out!

I think this is what happened:

1. Married man wooed her
2. She didn't want anything to do with him because he's married
3. Man persisted, remained close, showered love, attention, gift and what not (This is where the man dug his own grave)
4. Lady loves it. Financial gain, attention, career development, connection, job offer on a platter
4. Lady leads him on, but no sex (arguable)
5. Lady became his +1 (cooking, shopping, cleaning, weekend sleepovers**, etc). Technically, the relationship became romantic (why did no one in her family object to the relationship between their single daughter and a married man?)
5. Man became full time maga, possibly considering upgrading her to become a second wife.
6. On the side, lady got a BF
7. BF isn't aware of Man. Man isn't aware of BF.
8. Marriage time came. Man became aware. Man is not happy.
9. BF yet to know about Man-lady relationship.
10. The family? Our daughter got a new man for marriage. The world moves on.
11. Lady's conscience is tormenting her.
12. Lady knows man can burn her, destroy her career. Lady's afraid.
13. Lady still wants to maintain status quo i.e. benefits of the previous relationship arrangement.
14. Lady runs to a faceless forum to manipulate the public while redacting her role in the problem.

Here we have fiercely manipulative lady. She manipulates man, family, BF, and now the public.

9 Likes 3 Shares

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by jojothaiv(m): 9:42am On Nov 13, 2021
Problem no dey ever finish
Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by BobbieZion(m): 9:43am On Nov 13, 2021
Keep him as a Friend,and I mean a very good friend that he has been.
Let him know your stance...and that you are getting married.

Don't push him off,I know u like him very much,only that he is married?

Don't do as others say u should,from what u said ,he is a good person... Such people hardly come by.
He is a Loyal friend,keep him.
If u want to fxck him,do it.
And let everybody .... Fxck off with their advice.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by LEGALSER: 9:44am On Nov 13, 2021
Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice

I just pity your husband to be. From the look of things you love this man as well and thats why you would cook for him, follow him to the supermarket and all. The only problem you have is that he's married if not you would have gotten down with him a long time ago not because of your boyfriend/husband to be. You women should learn to respect your relationships, it prevents things like this.

1 Like

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by SmartPolician: 9:46am On Nov 13, 2021
Annabelle12344

If you don't find a way to cut that man off completely, I see you sleeping with him in the future and turning around to blame it on the devil. Don't be greedy; you want to keep the two men, but you have to let one go.

You cannot have your cake and eat it. Since you cannot marry him, stay with your husband. You shouldn't have even kept that man up to this point since he was asking you out. BTW, two opposite sex who really like each other are rarely friends without intimacy. I suspect you are not telling us the whole story.

1 Like

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by lomprico(m): 9:46am On Nov 13, 2021
Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice

you just defined 'witchcraft'

cut him off n don't visit him or be alone with him again or else he might rape u.
Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by advanceDNA: 9:47am On Nov 13, 2021
Annabelle12344:
Yes. I was supposed to cut him off from the beginning if he's intention was defined. But he came in as a friend. Like a big bro Who is already married and happy. Who only wanted to guide and help me secure a job and a good life.


Women..u are always funny....You like to eat your cake and have it..
You will say ...shebi i told him i wasnt interested??
Shebi i told him i cant sleep with a married man..??


So you mean all this while, this man knows you have a boyfrined...
you pick your boyfriend's calls in front of him..say i love you to your boyfriend in from of this man..
do you tell him on some occassion he wants to see you that you have plans to go and fvck your boyfriend??
has he ever called you and you told him you are busy cooking for your boyfrined??
i doubt all of these

you stylishly led him on...you string him along, because the relationship was convinient for you..
You are now here trying to paint a non-guilty picture...

How re u bestie friends with a married man,
cooking for him,
coming to your house,
going to his house
your parents even know him,
you collect money from him
you go like make your own husband get that kind female friend ??

Niggaa ...pleeeeeeseeeeeeee
you women think you are wise.....[/b]

7 Likes

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by abmarine(m): 9:48am On Nov 13, 2021
Don’t start what you can’t finish. My advice is that so you have taken decision to get married, focus on your marriage and leave sugar daddy alone, he will sort out himself with his married family.
Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by Dcoy: 9:48am On Nov 13, 2021
cococandy:
Lol. Did his wife ask you to help him?
Some of you are just funny.

Big brother ko.
If you want to help him, tell his wife what’s been going on. Let her handle it
Best suggestion....the sooner the better...
If not it will also affect your marriage...
Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by NGArmyTerrorist: 9:49am On Nov 13, 2021
MarketDispatch:
After enjoying your Sugar Daddy, you want to leave him?

Given the closeness to your family, how did you introduce your Sugar daddy to your current fiance that you want to marry?

Something tells me you would have introduced him as your uncle...




You dey mind that lies she wrote up there. She and the Sugar Daddy should go settle themselves afterall we no follow them dey jankara!
Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by Sambab(m): 9:51am On Nov 13, 2021
You don't want to leave the man either cos of materials gain you are getting from him, if not why can't you leave him, why would he annoy or detect you from getting married? This mean the foolish man has spent so much on you, and this is the reason you are in a dilemma. It better both of you come back to your senses now, or you ruin your marriage, cos your husyyo be won't cope with all those nonsense when you married unless he was benefiting from the man spending on you

2 Likes

Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by 18wheeler: 9:52am On Nov 13, 2021
thorpido:
You didn't have physical intimacy with him by your words but you had non-physical intimacy with him.
If he was married and you knew from the beginning,you should have just ended the relationship.........but you wanted it(even without the physical intimacy).

Cut him off and let him deal with his hurt.
@OP here your solution lies.
Re: He's Hurting Because I'm Getting Married. by Murphyenemuwe: 9:52am On Nov 13, 2021
God bless you bro for this. Greed will kill most of these girls. And I can bet my balls something happened between the two of not sex it will be romance
mrblessed:
Nope. The material goodies you benefited from him was what made you keep him around as a "big bro," even I don't believe a word of it. What I know for sure is that the thinking processing/faculty of an average Nigerian lady is weird. And you know that the crap about helping him heal "emotionally" is bunkum.

1 Like

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