₦airaland Forum

Midastorch:
Shut up and Stop spewing rubbish I know you are not married in the first place......yen yen yen yen yen..

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

Penguin2:
There was nowhere she mentioned buying gifts in her post. Don’t say what she didn’t say.

And about the periodic care she gives, it’s because she’s yet to be married. How are we sure even the periodic care won’t disappear after marriage?

JONNYSPUTE:
....I never said she should pack and go live with them but since her man is complaining about it and using it as an excuse,why can't she compromise for peace to reign?

You all are saying the guy doesn't love her bla bla bla. She that loves him,let her adjust.
Una no wan end this billing abi ? So after paying huge pride price you still want me to buy her brother gifts . Nawa you Oo.

Jman06:
Y'all should cut the guy some slack abeg. Always looking for means to blame guys in everything related to women.

The guy's siblings are actually right. If the guy can build a rapport with her own family, nothing stops her from doing same. So, she should put in more efforts or get herself off the way for the guy to look for another lady.

valdes00:
who dey try to change introvert
My wife is an introvert, who cares if she flows with my siblings or not... In as much as she makes me happy and fulfilled, we move


7yrs together now

Havilaah1:
Thanks sist, i told him he knows I'm very introverted and shouldn't expect me to act the way other's do. He said I'm an introvert fine but i have few friends, i have people i call and chat with on a daily basis.
One thing i certainly didn't do was apologizing, cos I'm not doing anything wrong. I only told him i will try.

Havilaah1:
Really wish he can see this. They're making it look like all brides to be are usually close to their in laws before marriage.
When one saw me during the wedding, she jokingly said see our wife that we'll soon sack. Didn't know they've been saying this.

zyzxx:
Aunty, i wish you can seek wisdom from the elderly ones apart from some people here that have no experience.

the truth is in marriage, you arent married to you boo oo, you are getting married to his family. it better you learn how to make them your own family now. if you change now and start to familiarize yourself with them now, they wont see it like you are pretending at all...
i wish you can see a marriage cousellor on this and ask, you are getting married to his family

fight for your relationship and start calling these people and apologize for the distance simple- forget "me and my husband" rubbish o. you will need these people, they determine lot of things as in lots

life no hard

Godada:


You have your job clearly cut out for you. You have to be buddy buddy with your prospective in-laws.

Take a chitchat with your guy. You need his help and understanding. He has worked his way into your mum's heart. Now it's your turn.

Your excuses of being an introvert will pass you as being snobbish.

These are your in-laws. It seems they have a hold on your guy.

Mind you, you gatta scoop to conquer. Come out of your shell and your comfort zone.

This is how it is....your guy has made himself at home with your mum at least accord him the same respect.

He feels he is the only doing the job....meet him half way.

After all he is your lover.........humour him.

revived:
Wahala be like relationship sef

You are just like my baby girl
Me dun give her few months break shaa
Man gotta hustle

Back to topic, your bf sef get problem
He dae find 100% and that shii is not possible

Aunty you better be yourself and no do pass yourself

Make I grab my black-bullet and watch as the thread unfolds

jesmond3945:
it is a red flag there. Don't take it as a joke.

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

Havilaah1:
Yes he has a very close relationship with them, I'm not saying my relationship with them will remain like this. We'll get to talk better when we become close but he wants the closeness before marriage.
How to keep close tab with people I'm not yet used to is what is bothering me plus the communication will strictly be on calls and chat as I'm in a different state.

frozen70:
It's obvious you do t just like relating with people and you don't see why you have to, but let me put somethings right to you

As a matter of fact, that you and your guy loves yourselves is not enough reason to carry on, family or no family

As it is now, your guy could get another lady that is head over heals I've his family and the family may advise him to drop you that you don't relate the wah this babe does. No matter your bond, he will follow his family, do you know why ?

Non of his family members can fight for you because you don't relate with them so they don't connect with you

If for example you have issues with your guy in this marriage, they will never stand with you because you didn't come close to them for them to understand you

Lastly they have concluded that you are not friendly and it's possible you will teach your children same way and those children may grow up not relating with their cousin's simply because you don't interact with their parents

Make sure your read the above post again and again and use it to guide yourself

Family is everything and no sensible one jokes their's

Havilaah1:
Thanks, I'll keep trying
Now that i know they already said something like this, me making serious move to flow with them will look like I'm pretending because they said it.

Davash222:
Do you plan getting married to him or his siblings?


I think another fresh banny is sharing your gbola with you and there's nothing you can do. Don't be selfish else you lose the gbola.

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

Lollittaa:
there is no red flag anywhere. He's is in constant communication with her loved ones. That, in itself, is a sign that excluding physical touch, quality time maybe his love language, her introversion is not a problem, so long as she can love him the way he wants to be loved, by building a stable relationship with his own loved ones.
Red flag, red flag, if her fiance breaks off the engagement, will you accept to marry her?
You must realise that in Africa, you don't marry just a person but their whole family.

WickedPisa:
your fiancee wants you to break your back to do what he wants. that's a trash attitude. leave now

Havilaah1:
I guess he's pained because he's already like a son to my mum plus what his siblings are saying.

Nonexisting:
Baba, I disagree oo. It's better for a woman to marry a bad husband that has good family members than marry a good husband that has horrible family members. If your in laws are good, chances are that they will help save your marriage with their bad son but if they are bad, they will so worry you and that your good husband that you will wish to remain single.

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

pocohantas:
Like?!!! I am sure if you check the so called relationship he has with her family, the bulk effort is coming from her people. You will see the wife’s side would lay on the floor for the man to walk. Move to the husband side and they will sit on a high horse, waiting for you to do everything. I vowed never to be that SIL to my brother’s wife. I no even get time. Once my mum brings up her matter, I tell her to rest biko.