₦airaland Forum

Blue86:
Should I tell you the blunt wise ancient truth.

If you want to win the man.
Be pals with His loved ones.


You will enjoy your life.

Havilaah1:
Well done oga Emmanuel, so because i choose not to have multiple guys at the same time makes me old abi.
Mind you I'm not even close to what you mentioned

Chrisx1x:
You can only try and improve on your personality but you can't change who you really are. I know this because I am also an introvert. Its not easily flowing with people you aren't that familiar with.

He should try and understand you, try and talk to him, let him see you for who you are. If he can't defend you now before his family members, I don't know when he is going to do that. And right now, it seems he decided to chose family over you.

emmanuelbrown26:
Comment from a very sensible woman

descarado:
Exactly.
Guyman wan run.
See excuses.


Unless your guy have your back 100%, once you want to marry and start seeing things like this, run and never look back.
You will never have peace in that marriage.


Look at Peter okoye and his wife lola.
Had Peter not had her back, that marriage would have ended since.

JONNYSPUTE:
.... Lol. Poco leave me abeg I dey find money to pay school fees for 4 children.

If them like make dem marry if dem no like,make dem scatter am.

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

blaise26abj:
I disagree respectfully with this . Any family that will not be objective in any disagreement or fight between you and your fiancée or husband because you are not close to them is a bad family. you shouldn’t be a part of such a family . The Yoruba says , a bad wife/husband can still be managed but bad in-laws are a no-no .

It is wrong to only fight for people you are close to or family . You should always fight for what is Right irrespective of who the person is .

bigpicture001:
Babe I can say from my inner most experience: he is not seeing anyone else, but is drunk of entitlement... Such happens wen someone becms too sure for u.. just watch him.. if he continues unabated.. giv him space..

If it still doesn't work, den still be there but change language like start to talk about a guy disturbing for marriage... Make it real. If he sees competition, he will sit up..

People don't value things without fighting for it

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

WHITELIGHTER:
It's not pretending, it's evolving...u can't just seat on your "that's how I am"...in a relationship, you evolve and grow, now u have to grow outta that shell and flow...
I kinda wonder why ladies keep using the word pretend, but it was easy for the guy to flow with your family...why don't u do same, take a cue from him.

pocohantas:
And they are in constant communication with him too. The woman’s side typically puts more effort into making things work!

I am sure her mother calls him too.

How many times has his siblings and family called her? Did they call her and she didn’t pick? Do they know her own birthday? Omo, being a woman in a marriage is hard. You’ll see families that don’t even love themselves, they’ll want to use you and settle.

Havilaah1:
It was easy for him because that's his own kind of person, when we started he wanted to start communicating with my family immediately. I told him we needed time to know ourselves first before involving our families.

Penguin2:
Just that I personally, and over 99 percent of men, will not put a ring on your finger if you can’t relate with my siblings. I will never.

If I were him I would dump your ass straight away because you going back to say you have accepted his siblings will only amount to pretense just for the marriage to happen then you go back to hating his siblings.

People like you cause your husbands to be detached from their families after marriage.

Change your ways!

descarado:
Entitlement disposition.
We are doingbher a favour.
We get am too much for naija.


Being a woman in marriage isn't hard.
It's choosing well.
Most times, financial gains cloud our judgements.

Havilaah1:
Pocohantas he told me during the conversation that for some months now my mum is the one who calls and chat him up on WhatsApp, he said she has not noticed he is a bit withrawn.

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

chieni:
It seems you really dont understand what it means to be an introvert (( ;Dawk, care to enlighten me?)). They can't change to be a talkative because people say so ((I don't remember advicing the OP to change who she is... I only told her to try and make it work)). It doesn't happen that way. Even if they are around people they are close to, it doesn't mean they talk throughout like a radio ((sweetheart, when introverts are around their close buddies, even you go shock ). Its their nature ((kikikikikiki , nature kor, nature ni...whether it's in a person's nature or not is irrelevant, IF IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU, YOU'D FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT WORK!!!!)) everyone can't be the same ((I agree)). Would you like for her to start talking out of point or saying irrelevant things because she wants to please people?

My advise for her is to Japa((awk...)). There are families out there who will accept her for who she is ((Yes there are)).

descarado:
Exactly.
Guyman wan run.
See excuses.


Unless your guy have your back 100%, once you want to marry and start seeing things like this, run and never look back.
You will never have peace in that marriage.


Look at Peter okoye and his wife lola.
Had Peter not had her back, that marriage would have ended since.

aameyah:
I just knew they would be female siblings. Always picking issues where there is non...

AdedoyinO:
Being introverted doesn't mean you don't talk. Many introverts run businesses and careers successfully.

The issue is as an introvert you don't jump into people's personal spaces just like that. Discussion with people you are not close with is usually superficial and mostly nothing personal.

For an introvert to build close personal relationship with a person, that person must have been around mostly physically (within the same geographical space) like classmates, co-workers, housemates, roommates etc. Someone they see almost everyday and spend considerable amount of time with.

In this kind of situation, the introvert naturally warms up to closer and deeper relationships beyond the 'hello, hi'.

When people come together newly as in when you have new classmates, the extroverts and the introverts among them are easily spotted, but overtime within the same class, most of them will start relating with one another freely

Midastorch:
Go get a life brov...

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
ZZ please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

Mariangeles:
Shey we cannot love our brothers again? Abego!