₦airaland Forum

princeeze1:
A woman who cannot finance about 25-30% of her home budget has no bussiness getting married, no matter how able her husband may be. A takes a little wind to bring down a great man. You were created to be a help meet. Helping him meet his goal. Family support from a woman is not an option item.

As for Op, the vacation budget was way off, from your budget 30k already gone for education/vacation. Atleast another 30k will supplement feeding as you pointed you would only buy major food items. So you expect 20k to cover her transportation, hair, cosmetics, airtime, clothing, sanitary etc in a month? Trimming that vacation to 5k pending an increase in her earnings should be a fair bargain. But all thesame, I love your planning!

A King!

princeeze1:
So says the Nigerian failed mindset of parasitic relationships advocates. Abroad where most of you guys copied feminism from, married couples dialogue and split bills. Beyoncé/Jz split bills. Jz’s money is not Beyoncé s money. They are partners in progress and prosperity. These are the kind of advice that lower the life expectancy of the African man.

Oga, how often does Naija men help with chores?
It is still your fellow man that will see your friend helping the wife at home and call him a simp.
When you want a woman's financial contribution at home be ready to run the house with her too.
Most of you don't even know how to make your bed talk more of washing plates.

Let her go.... The one that will stay will come.

This is one part Nigerian couples don't discuss during courtship... They will leave important things and asking, have u eaten, were did u go,? Instead of asking, how many kids we will have? How do we manage finances?

Bros, u are on the right part.... Don't let anyone deceive u.

Many homes are in trouble today, because they did not discourse the important things, only to get married and start expecting miracles...

bigpicture001:
Thanks man.. heard from her friend that sh said am too stingy,.

Honestly I didn't make her spend up to 50k from her wage.. 300k is not big and can be exhausted soon..

The weight will be too much if I form the normal Nigerian guy who likes to carry load on their head

Ybaby:
You are a wise man!!!!!! Thank you

Not every part of that post is right. U should plan with ur wife the be not for ur wife to be. U can't just bring a list and expect her to smile, nod and agree. If she does that, u will control her like robot all through the marriage. Just imagine how u will feel if it's the wife that brought that list. Something that both of you will sit together, develop plans and you as a man should even push ur idea to her mind to make her believe it's hers. And both of u need to be prudent. Discussion is key and salary will always change. OP tried to do a brilliant thing in an entirely wrong way and I'm proud of the girl for walking out

Susily:
Women were not created to be pampered and we live in an era of GENDER EQUALITY which is championed by women, so it is not out of place to ask a woman to contribute financially to the running of the home

Will the man also contribute to the going to the markets, cooking, house keeping and helping the children with homework?

pompeiimagnus:
Do you know many family women in Nigeria don’t even earn up to 50k? Do they also not contribute to their family upkeep? This guy is a salary earner who can lose his job at anytime. Moreover this was only a “proposal”….

If she could not sit down and discuss with him now, then their marriage is doomed already. What’s the point of dating if she cannot have an educated discussion with her man Una funny sha

this one no be matter of una funny sha,don't make it gender based.
Likewise, there's a guy who earns 50k and he is married too.
I'm just making my suggestions based on the issue on ground.
50k for a family woman would definitely make her cut down some excesses/ expenses. This whole thing just requires both parties to cut their coat accordingly, no extravagant lifestyle.
She could also lose her job anytime too. But presently he earns more, I never suggested she not contributing atall. However, some consideration should be made for her he earns less than half of his salary, haba!

And,I don't know how op suggested this thing to her for her not to have talked it through with him, what if in their courtship days the guy has BN the one giving her money and she never contributed to anything, and then all of a sudden he wants her to contribute in their marriage? Definitely she would Japa,cos her enjoyment has BN cut off.

Acidosis:
What is too much about spending less than 50% of your earnings to run your home?

You people are the ones fueling the senseless entitlement mentality though. Nothing can be too much for a lady to spend on her family even though I may not agree with the formula and ratio thing.

Some men sacrifice 100% and even take loans. Women should also do same. The senseless mentality is why even some working single ladies would never buy a phone with their earnings. They believe it is the responsibility of a sugar daddy or an unfortunate boyfriend.

Trust me. Women just want men to pay the family bills.
They always know how to come in

WOMEN are INCAPABLE of Love.

They are intrinsically selfish.

Marry them at your peril.

dmostcheerful:
Oga I read everything.
You all wants a woman to contribute financially running the family, do you contribute in chores, will you give birth for her?
Will you take care of the kids when they start coming.
Most of you don't even know how to wash plate, how do you expect a woman to wake by 4:30am make breakfast and lunch, leave for 2ork.
Come back by 4pm.
Wash the cloth, keep the house, do school runs and still be financially responsible too.
You need a woman to take care of the home money wise what do you do domestic too?
From that 80k she will make her hair monthly too.
A pack of attachment is 2500 she needs like 2 pack, then 5k to the hair dresser, she buys her tappon, buys her clothing's out of the said 80k.
You people are so selfish here.
Out of all expenses he listed he won't even be spending upto 150k.
He have over 150k to save, what exactly does the wife save too?
Also who should be responsible for clothings?
A man's major responsibility is providing financially for the family.
Making his family comfortable.
A woman's is keeping the family, cooking, cleaning, the kids and so on.
Look I am married too, any salary from my husband's pay goes directly to my account as soon as he gets it, I buy all that is needed for the month, give account and we save the rest.
You can't marry a woman and place financial responsibility on her, the early you understand a woman should do that voluntarily and a man should do chores voluntarily the earlier for you.
Except you 2ants to run back to nairaland with, "please help me how do I solve this problem in my family?"

I am happy you pointed he has over 150k to save, if you are married, your husband should learn from him, if not, pray for such a man. That factored to save nearly half his income, it goes to show he realizes, he is a tenant and would one day want to own his piece. It shows he has plans for the unexpected turns tomorrow may bring. He has elected not to squander all he earns while his wife does whatever she likes with her earnings and tomorrow they either fail to grow or grow at snail speed to his mental and physical detriment.

Omo if 300k per month is considered very small, then may God help me I really need to double my hustle oo.

I wanted to advise you until I realized your wife earns more than me per month. Make I no go put mouth for wetin senior me.

Mariangeles:
On top 80k salary, you want make she dey drop 10k every month for trust account, 20k for joint account, provide "food supplement", make she still choose between NEPA bill, DSTV, or GOTV subscription...on top wetin?
Oga, how much wan remain to take buy clothes, cosmetics and toiletries for herself na (cos e sure me dai say you no fit buy those things for her), not to talk of find her parents something? Unto say she marry you?

Abeg! Carry your wahala go front!

Then clap for men who carry their families on 50k monthly. They are superheroes

Furcko:
this is the reason una girls hardly marry,na fvck Una good for

Which girls?

Newsflash, I don't joke with my cash around your gender. But, if I tell you the number of eligible suitors begging to come and do small thing on my head, you'll run. See, men here can say whatever they like just to feel among, outside here, they marry jobless and no-do-good girls. Na today!

Mariangeles:
On top 80k salary, you want make she dey drop 10k every month for trust account, 20k for joint account, provide "food supplement", make she still choose between NEPA bill, DSTV, or GOTV subscription...on top wetin?
Oga, how much wan remain to take buy clothes, cosmetics and toiletries for herself na (cos e sure me dai say you no fit buy those things for her), not to talk of find her parents something? Unto say she marry you?

Abeg! Carry your wahala go front!

Stupid girl

That's why you can never marry in your life

Bonjovi13:
I'm sorry man. You are not ready to be a husband.
The first rule of a successful marriage is that you don't plan with your wife's money. A woman's money is her money. Your money is the family's money.

Have that mind set and don't let fear of being stressed or broke rule you.

Before a woman will trust you with her money,you must have earned that trust based on how well you take care of the family and being financially prudent and responsible.

You cannot just expect her to submit her money to the common purse when you have not proven yourself.
Besides look at the pressure you are putting on her even before you have married her. All those bills inside 80k. She has to even buy her clothes. LMAO!!!

Guy,chill out. Next time when you get into a serious relationship with a woman,let her see you being responsible and generous to her and then allow her to decide what she would do with her funds to help out. But never plan on her money or worse still suggest what she would bring.

Who made the rule?
It's this kind of mindset that makes you a good target for leeches
Enhance your reasoning
This is the 21st century OK

Do you know that a man that earns same 80k shoulders more responsibilities and still doesn't complain.

My dear, the woman isn't ready to build with him, she wants a man that will just do everything.

Some women amaze me. A man marries you and boom takes over his and her families responsibilities but it will take the woman some years to see that man as part of her.

Instead she believes that the man's money is theirs while her money is just for her.

We need to change this mentality, current situation is things at least demands that.

Mariangeles:
On top 80k salary, you want make she dey drop 10k every month for trust account, 20k for joint account, provide "food supplement", make she still choose between NEPA bill, DSTV, or GOTV subscription...on top wetin
Oga, how much wan remain to take buy clothes, cosmetics and toiletries for herself na (cos e sure me dai say you no fit buy those things for her), not to talk of finding her parents something? Unto say she marry you?

Abeg! Carry your wahala go front!

dobnina:
Oga, you are selfish. Thank God she left you. You are the head of the family so all the responsibility falls on you.
Will you also share house chores with her? Will you share pregnancy with her? Will you share the stress in the Labour room with her?
You are just being selfish. Man up and take all your responsibility and stop acting like a gigolo.

Don't mind him. Only a desperate woman who lacks options will settle for him. And I pity her.

Calebility:
Chairman why not ask her to suggest her own way of supporting the family first.
That will help you to tell the kind of person you're dealing with.

Your money is her money, her money is hers and hers alone.

Bros, the lady just wanted who she will milk dry. Op only brought a proposal that if she had the intension to contribute she would have discussed with him and make adjustments where necessary. Rather, she was looking for a simp and a sacred cow to feast on. You can only ask a person wey want talk questions, no be don run away.

wirinet:
Will the man also contribute to the going to the markets, cooking, house keeping and helping the children with homework?

Sure he should contribute to it or delegate the duties to paid domestic staffs(that he pays himself)......so by extension, he's doing it himself through his money

Tloc:
Don't bother explaining much dude, the financial weight of running a home is now so heavy with bills coming from all angles. It takes a really heavy earner to pull his weight, contemporary rimes demand both couple to bring something to the table to enable the family live above waters. The man handling all the financials is a no no and might bring in a lot of disrespect to the other gender sooner than later.

Louder please...
A lot of simps at the back

Animegirl:


You don't even know "woman's need", that's why you did that rubbish list. That 80k, isn't enough as a lady talkless of family. Unless you want her to look like an hag, in her husband's house.

Worst, you haven't even settled down yet, you're placing small responsibilities on her head. Be calming down na.

If you want something like this, better find another woman who is willing to contribute to the family with higher earnings.

Mumu girl

Biggie2000:
Op, let her go jare. Go and find another woman that earns higher and is not tight-fisted. The moment you put her in your house, just know you're reducing your lifespan. You already said she's going about telling her friends you are stingy, just imagine what she will do/say, when you eventually put her in your house. Your girl should always be an asset to you, not a liability. A girl friend that is a liability, can never become a wife that is an asset.
I'm baffled that at this day in age, some girls still can't buy common recharge card or even make their own hair, without asking a man for money. Tufiakwa

Even if he made the plans without her, why didn't she negotiate? Why did she run?

Exactly! There should be room for negotiation but her opting out entirely. Maybe she doesn't really love the guy like that.

Babara1994:
You think men don't have needs and responsibilities? Don't let me start calling you fist brain o

That girl na fish brain.

Even responsible children contribute financially to the family, how much more the wife.

If as a woman, you don't contribute a dime to your family and you feel okay, you're obviously not okay.

Sent87:
I love that your girlfriend,thank God for her life she ran away. There's a reason why men are regarded as head of the family, that's because they are meant to provide for their family, not saying your wife shouldn't contribute to the upkeep of the family, but you don't make it her responsibility like she must do it. The sooner you men realize that women were created to be pampered, the better for you. There's also a reason why God created them last. Everything was already on ground before they came. Now you don't need to wonder again why most women are wired to go after ready made men.

God bless you.

wirinet:
As I said, standard of living. A person earning 70 will live in a small apartment in a low income area. While a person earning 500k might want his family to live in a flat in a middle class neighbourhood

If i earn 500k, will stay in a midclass area for 3yrs while buildng my own house even if na for suburban area.
Life is choice.

MuchAdo:
@OP

You asked too much of her to be honest.

Women are not after rich guys. They just want a man who will/can pay all the family bills as much as possible.

She will take care of herself and chip in her own little assistance from time to time unsolicited.

You will live long.

Animegirl:


You don't even know "woman's need", that's why you did that rubbish list. That 80k, isn't enough as a lady talkless of family. Unless you want her to look like an hag, in her husband's house.

Worst, you haven't even settled down yet, you're placing small responsibilities on her head.

If you want something like this, better find another woman who is willing to contribute to the family with higher earnings.

In another interpretation, 80k is not enough to waste on her personal effects. That's why men die early because food, school fees, rents, medical bills and so on fall squarely on the man while the woman needs to look "not like an hag". Lol

Even if there was room for negotiation the fact that I wasn't there when the plan was made is a red flag.


These boys think only women have red flags ,oh as per say men nor many , anything thrown at her will be met with no resistance as per say she need to be Mrs by fire by force.

To think he even labelled food stuff as "heavy " and " light" hey God! nothing person nor go see for this earth.I am sure you are the type of guy that will ask her to contribute money to the things you will take to her parents during festive season

You might think you dodged a bullet, the universe might just be dodging a bullet on her behalf.



It's better this way though cos I see you as a difficult person and "tight hand" kind of guy. And between dating a gambler and a tight hand I can't place which one is the devil and the blue sea.


And as for those bitter misogynistic nitwits beating the drums for you I hope they are there when your marriage finally crashes cos I don't see you lasting in marriage no matter who you end up with if you stay on this path.

UyaiIncomparabl:
You will live long.

Amen.

dingbang:
50naira then could buy alot na..the naira was strong then. Haba you sef

Howcome back then there weren't more houses, more cars and almost top tier civil servants were sending their wards to cheap public schools?

This guy and whomever is supporting him are utterly selfish and not ready to get married. What nonsense.

You are sharing your core duties as a provider to a woman who's nature is to nuture and support. A duty that made you worthy to be called a husband.
You are indirectly " simpinizing" your sorry ass with this godforsaken sharing of your main responsibility as a provider. When she rose up to challenge it now and ask you " who's the man'" you will come crying to nairaland

All I see here, is you covering your side of the responsibility without recuse to hers.
I ain't see where you budgeted how much the cooks, cleaners, lesson teachers, nannies, home nurses etc will costs even surrogate mothers that will bear the damn kids ...since you guys are making plans.



Anyway, humans are selfish.. everyone trying so damn hard to outwit the other.
I'd be surprised if she agreed to stay back then she must have an ulterior motive

This is the most dangerous way to run a marital home because from your financial proposal you're a tyrant a wicked one for that matter. Out of 80k....

Na wa o