₦airaland Forum

BigBashiru:
Before I got married, I wake up, clean, cook, go to work and come back. At weekend I cook and clean.... entering into marriage I still cook for myself and wife and clean weekends and still go to work....

She can't contribute to finances, yet can't cook efficiently and do other chores.

And this because she works yet don't want to spend the money.

Why not get her to stay at home.



Does she not lag behind at home duties just because of her work?

She may come back from same work and you can't touch her for sex just because she is tired.

Yet she doesn't want to bring a farthing from the damn work and you think it's normal.

You lots enable a lot of gibberish.

Gosh

franchasng:
I love the fact that she is working. It makes her mentally active and financially responsible too. She will know how to manage money as a working class lady.


Also her career, it's almost impossible to stop them from working my brother

Does she not lag behind at home duties just because of her work?

She may come back from same work and you can't touch her just because she is tired.

Yet she doesn't want to bring a farthing from the damn work and you think it's normal.

You lots enable a lot of gibberish.

Simran94:
The problem here is not splitting the bill. Why make that budget plan on his own without asking for her own input on it? They are getting married, both of them would be making decisions together not that one person would make a decision and force the other person to agree. Things don't work that way

on a normal setting.. He is the man, he makes the rule and the woman obeys, if she is not willing she GTFO

DrFunmisticGlow:
continue waiting for handouts from a woman. Weakling

And continue being single..
Not a big deal!

lereinter:
Oil dey your head

I pity this one.. Na your life shaa

naijainstinct:
Nah. I have chosen to stay single for life. Get eggs from a bank and have kids via a surrogate mum.......life shouldn't be that hard.

Do let us know how that works out for you in the future.

danot1030:
If am a lady and you proposed this family plan to me I will not stylishly slide away, I will boldly dump you.

thankGod woman plenty pass man..
Mr. Man mariage na transaction business.

wirinet:
Any other lady would be scared away by his contribution proposal. Only desperate women with their biological clock running out with enter marriage under such conditions.

As I said earlier the OP had no set goals for the marriage, his only concern was how much physical cash he will have to spend during the marriage. Number of children was never discussed. Their prospective careers and ambitions was never discussed. How to deal with extended family members were never discussed. How to raise the kids when they are very young and vulnerable was not discussed. If he intends to have three children in quick succession, the first 10 years would be very demanding on the woman. I hate leaving my children with househelps/ relations, due to the numerous horror stories I have actually witnessesed and read online.

Most people have a wrong impression of marriage and that's why most marriages nowadays fail within the first 10 years. In marriage two is supposed to become one. You finances should become one instead of two. The standard of living of both individual should be the same. The two incomes should be aggregated and the living expenses and lifestyle should be calculated on the total join income. The you contribute this, I contribute that approach is too individualistic.

Ok. What happens if the man is sacked and the woman finds a job that pays much more? Would you still insist on the initial contributions or you demand a new contributions formula? What happens if the man has an accident or has a debilitating illness or temporarily incapacitated?

The way the OP broached the issue is very wrong.

You have said it all God bless you
The OP headache is just how much the lady can bring, and the lady was wise enough to run, because he might end marrying her it would become a depressive problem. I regard the OP as a stingy man
My father never told my mother how she should contribute my father took care of all responsibilities in the house,so this OP like i said is a stingy man in fact he's not even a man because a man doesn't count all this a man does he's thing without any help that's what a man is. He doesn't even value the marriage rather he's giving terms and conditions as if it is a contract marriage. OP better Change and man up no woman will accept any marriage with terms and conditions.

Lordedifice1:
You have said it all God bless you
The OP headache is just how much the lady can bring, and the lady was wise enough to run, because he might end marrying her it would become a depressive problem. I regard the OP as a stingy man
My father never told my mother how she should contribute my father took care of all responsibilities in the house,so this OP like i said is a stingy man in fact he's not even a man because a man doesn't count all this a man does he's thing without any help that's what a man is. He doesn't even value the marriage rather he's giving terms and conditions as if it is a contract marriage. OP better Change and man up no woman will accept any marriage with terms and conditions.

The economy has changed ur fathers time isn't the same as now.... if economy goes bk to ur fathers time then women are asked to stop bringing.....

Funkybabee:
You are very funny with that vacation, vacation ko, plantation ni

You sound so strict to me, she need to think her head before saying I do

You can't let her start saving dine without being legally married yet

20k vacation
10k bill
Gotv e.tc

She will buy herself clothes
Monthly pad
Hair
Make up things
Undies
Parents at least 5k each to father and mother
Transportation to her working place
Her siblings, like if she has Junior sis like we now e.t.c and many things

So she should not save abi

I think you need to get her a better job because no woman will want to commit to that unless she's old and desperate to marry omo it's not easy

makeupthings,artificial hair... Habba! This generation of women go see shege ehh...
As a lady if you no dey financially stable no find husband wey dey financially stable make you no frustrate en life.. If you are financially stable,find a financially stable man.. And everything will run smoothly.
Period!

LagosInter:
Does she not lag behind at home duties just because of her work?

She may come back from same work and you can't touch her just because she is tired.

Yet she doesn't want to bring a farthing from the damn work and you think it's normal.

You lots enable a lot of gibberish.

my brother no be who get strength de complain of lack of sex

Ladycewhy:
Lol

Nah, I dey quick code some kind traits for people as per say I don see things for this small life .I nor fit for e type wahala.

Hahahahaha but u can never say never oh

okine4real:
i swear, you are the best guy on Nairaland. lots of married men for Naija go die before there time. i always tell guys, that pussy go tire you once marriage enter, in marriage there are bills to pay, real bills ohh, children go chop, them go waste food, them go spoil your chairs, table, my second Daughter done put hole beneath my room door, if i like make i lock the door dey cuddle madam, this 2 and half year old pikin go just enter my room via the hole when she create for my door. sometimes she go enter my room, lock the door and pass the hole come outside, if i won enter my room, i nor go fit enter, i go got to go call them to pass under the door to take open the door. This Dec festive period, i was sick because too much of bills. Most naija girls, 90 percent of them are wired to be lazy, even in relationship, they cant even help a guy, person when nor fit help guy, na she won help for marriage? OP i swear you be the best guy ever. If you won marry any woman, let her know, you have to bring something good into this marriage, not just PUSSY. She needs to understand that if your problem is pussy, there are fucking pussy everywhere. OP i salue your courage. from Dec 20th to to 3rd Jan i done spend more than 200k, watin I even chop self? Nothing, na wife and children. OP if I were as smart as you during my time, I swear I for get BETTER REST OF MIND NOW.Do you know what it means when you need even 500k, and you know your wife GOT your back without any shaking? OP you are blessed.

Awnnn... So emotional..
How I wish you saw this early..
Manage your stress oo
no die abeg

LesbianBoy:
I hope you no dey follow am wash plates or she dey deny you sex like many of these nairaland men for family section

I wish she does that because that will be a ticket for me to mess around.

seyz91:
You said it all
Can't be said any better

he said it all!

blaquebelle:
If she really loved you in the first place this shouldn't be an issue atall

I don’t know if you’re a woman but if you are, you’re the only woman that said something sensible on this post.

Nyascobar1414:
on a normal setting.. He is the man, he makes the rule and the woman obeys, if she is not willing she GTFO

So he should decide how much she would be spending from HER OWN salary? Same salary she is working her ass off at work for, somebody will be telling me how much I should be spending from it?

You people should continue looking for slaves and see if you will find one. Mtchww

GboyegaD:
You don't have to drag everyone into your mess. That's no grinding and from your previous post you are not happy with your family situation and don't use that as a yardstick for others.

Its a new year with new dreams and possibilities. Keep negativity off your doorstep, and pray for the most high to lighten your path. All the best

dingbang:
I have an issue with number 4.


Her salary cannot support her minusing 20kmonthly from 80k for vacation .. The vacation is not that important.


She has a valid reason for opting out. Find another woman who earns higher so you dont kill yourself.

I think you’re quick to judge him. I don’t think he will suggest number 4 if the babe if not number 4 kind of person.

DrFunmisticGlow:
that I had a great parental influence growing up doesn't mean I should settle for less.

My father pays all the bills till today.

So shall my husband.

The opinion of weak, delusional, omega men like you (who think that responsibility is SIMPING) will always be irrelevant to me

I can conclude by saying your mama is a liability to the innocent old man.. I'm sure she will be milfing around while the old man is is bend to the ground..

DrFunmisticGlow:
that I had a great parental influence growing up doesn't mean I should settle for less.

My father pays all the bills till today.

So shall my husband.

The opinion of weak, delusional, omega men like you (who think that responsibility is SIMPING) will always be irrelevant to me

So says the extremely ugly lady with big protruding Okpolo eyes.

Ladycewhy:
Do let us know how that works out for you on the future.

ukaface:
I don't like this kine of method.

Why not suggest a particular percentage of money from both partners be put into a joint account. This joint account would take care of everything from rent,fees,bills.
If you put in 100k, and she puts say 30/40k
140 k *12
Or to make it more feasible a larger percentage can be agreed upon. But put in mind to consider her salary. 80k no fit do Nada for a family woman.
I'm sure she would get wigs, want to look good, get personal feminine stuffs,her Transportation and feeding at work. Bros Na those things you go consider.
All these bring 10k for this one, 20k for that...won't pay her.

So the man wont want to look good, buy masculine stuff...transport?..

Ah tok am say this generation of females go see shege ehh

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

These are the proposal...

1. She earns about 80k wile I earn about 300k.. I asked that we jointly contribute for all the children's Career funding starting from when we get married even before any of their birth.. I proposed 10k monthly from her and 40k from me to a trust account. From it we plan to fund all the children's Career from kiddagatten to varsity or which ever path they choose..

2. That sh choose between Nepa bill or DStv or gotv sub monthly..just one for her

3. I will be responsible for rents

4. We pay into another joint account for vacation once in two years..like sh puts in 20k I put in 50k monthly..

5. I provide all the heavy food stuffs required in the house in large quantities including gas ND change of electronics, but sh provide all the daily food supplements to mk mine complete.

6. She buys her clothes ND I buy mine but we can both surprise ourselfs with gift to the other..

7. I will buy the family car ND maintain it. If she buys no p.

8. I didn't rule out surprise gifts once a while and outting which I bankroll ND expect her to do same occasionally..

Plz oo nairalanders are these responsibilities to a wife too much for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

gorettiuwabuike@gmail.com..

BigBashiru:
The economy has changed ur fathers time isn't the same as now.... if economy goes bk to ur fathers time then women are asked to stop bringing.....

Whether the economy is better or not
If you can't provide well for a family you want to start please don't even think of marriage

Kwinesther:
God bless you abundantly. Hair making, make-ups, Jewelries, deodorants, pant and bra, shoes, church offering, Airtime, data subscription etc still dey, she fit get younger ones to even take care of oo. Op go and find a lady that earns same amount as you, if not, you never ready to marry.

You are a type of lady that thinks your beauty will stay long enough..
When you are 30, and you've not seen an already made man..
You will be desperate which might be soo late..
Makeup, artificial should be minimal, who you wan impress again?

Ah don talk am say de generation of ladies we have noe go see shege ehh

abbey621:
The honest truth is that most females have been programmed to believe that men should shoulder the responsibilities of the household. Your money is for the home while her money is hers alone, if she assists you in anyway financially it is of her own free will(HIGHLY UNLIKELY).

As a man forget the financial plan crap, it never works, rather have an honest and open discussion with her, find ways to cut cost, all that vacation crap is not needed, if she wants vacation she can save towards it. As a man try to take care of the main responsibilities as much as possible, you do not owe any woman a trip or 4 star vacation; shelter, food, security, transportation and clothing....THAT'S ALL!

When kids come, take care of them too, this is what's called being a man! If your girlfriend jaapa because of simple plan imagine what would happen while married and you lost that 300k job? No kill yourself my guy, take your eyes off her money and be happy, when she knows you don't even care about her money and how she spends it, the marriage will be peaceful, na those excess you must cut off, vacation, surpirse gifts etc, 300k is very low to be living like telemundo

Make man suffer untop woman?
Cos ah don marry you no mean say ah go do everything for you..
As in ah de ment?

Simran94:
So he should decide how much she would be spending from HER OWN salary? Same salary she is working her ass off at work for, somebody will be telling me how much I should be spending from it?

You people should continue looking for slaves and see if you will find one. Mtchww

Okay, the man is also working his ass off to be spending on the woman cos of family sake..

Women go see shege..
Just see the kind of men in our country now..
I hate entitled bishes

Kajaard:
So says the extremely ugly lady with big protruding Okpolo eyes.

No, those are hypnosis eyes.
DrFunmisticGlow, dont mind them.
Powerful eyes.

Idamond:
I can conclude by saying your mama is a liability to the innocent old man.. I'm sure she will be milfing around while the old man is is bend to the ground..

your conclusion is none of my business

BigBashiru:
Any person with secondary school educationis already educated. Some go on to colleges and polytechnics but u don't need both or uni to be "educated"....

Did her parents send her to school for PTA and presentability primarily? NO. Her parents sent her to school primarily so that she would be financially independent afterwards.

Look each to their own....if u believe in the old marriage model then good fir u...pls add me among ur wives so u can be giving me moni too....I will do chores and take care of the babies....

Sir you are getting all these wrong. Education is a right and not a privilege

She was sent to school to be educated and not for economy reason

sgtponzihater1:
She did well to run away. Why divide a fellow human beings money for them? Most of those things are your responsibility, it's up to your wife to decide how to support you.

I am planning for my children's education ahead. My wife does not look like she will support though she earns more than 15 times of what your fiancée earns. Yet as a man you must grind on

You will surely regret it..
Stress go wire you ehh..
Continua