NovesaTillie:
Please I need only matured minds on this.
It's a serious matter.

My elder sister and her husband were married for 5 years and separated November last year but not divorced yet, though the families have been trying to reconcile them to come back together but my sister's husband has been adamant about it.

I noticed that ever since his separation from my sister he started visiting my place and now it has become frequent. I allowed it because I see him as a brother but now I am starting to really enjoy his company. He has been helping me out with stuffs and still maintains his kindness towards my parents.

He proposed marriage to me yesterday and I have been confused. I will be 30 by February 2nd.
Should I accept his proposal?

FERNANDEZISBACK:
Do what's great for you..if you are comfortable and know him and the reason for the separation good for you..

Follow your instincts..

BluntCrazeMan:
A clear Fact is that i have deep problems..
But funny enough, I am not aware of such a Fact yet..

PoliteActivist:


What if her sister says he's a very good man and it was
all her fault they broke up??

bepositive11:


In any failed marriage, both partners have their contribution to the problems. No one is innocent in such cases

FERNANDEZISBACK:

Keep the story to yourself..next time learn to address an issue maturely not spewing nonsense..or did you not read what you said..

Why say she's responsible for her sister's marriage failure?you spoke in a very immature way and you are here talking about me being immature..
Pls she needs mature advice not your kind who are too quick to conclude negatively..

Beholdjoan:

Shut up and learn...u are brainless

FERNANDEZISBACK:

Thanks for proving yourself wrong..

mummymum:

You know what, an idle mind is a devil's workshop, engage yourself in something relevant so that you will not be too regular in nairaland to comment on every post, because it is not all posts that need your pre-mature comment.

FERNANDEZISBACK:

I love it that way don't you?
Tell the devil to make me more idle cos I love it..

mummymum:

Lol, I don't blame you.

PoliteActivist:


One if one gets home drunk every day and beats the other up?

bepositive11:


The person getting beat up should assert their boundaries and stand up for themself. For example, "if you get drunk again and come home and beat me up, I'm gone"

If someone keeps doing something you don't like and you say or do nothing about it, they will keep doing it

PoliteActivist:


So how are both responsible for the failed marriage??

bepositive11:


Abuse doesn't just start out of the blue. It builds up with time

What usually happens is the other partner sees signs before getting married but ignores them - maybe because they are desperate to get married, desperate for money, and so on

People who are genuinely content with their lives and have healthy self esteem set the standards and settle for nothing less

We attract people on our level. Toxic people attract each other

PoliteActivist:


With all due respect, you sound like you live on the moon. Sometimes divorce is is entirely one person's fault (and they'd tell you so themselves). One partner may start using drugs, join a cult, etc. Sometimes it's nobody's fault, just circumstances.

bepositive11:


That mentality is the problem

If you ask divorced couples, the majority will blame the other person entirely and not take responsibility in any way

If you look closely, toxic people attract each other

How do you define a good person? Someone who's extremely selfless? That's what many consider as good, but in fact, someone who's extremely selfless is toxic because they are not assertive enough to stand up for themselves

A typical toxic couple mix is a narcissist and a codependent. Many would consider the codependent a good person when they are in fact very toxic

People who start using drugs, or join cults, why do they do so? If you really dig deep, you'll see that they have a deeper problem. A void they're trying to fill which always existed even before marriage

As I said earlier, a healthy balanced individual will only tolerate a healthy balanced individual as a partner

A lot of divorced couples were so consumed with escaping from their own personal problems before marriage that they overlooked the red flags. They saw their partners as a form of escape until their eyes cleared after marriage

NovesaTillie:
Please I need only matured minds on this.
It's a serious matter.

My elder sister and her husband were married for 5 years and separated November last year but not divorced yet, though the families have been trying to reconcile them to come back together but my sister's husband has been adamant about it.



I noticed that ever since his separation from my sister he started visiting my place and now it has become frequent. I allowed it because I see him as a brother but now I am starting to really enjoy his company. He has been helping me out with stuffs and still maintains his kindness towards my parents.

He proposed marriage to me yesterday and I have been confused. I will be 30 by February 2nd.
Should I accept his proposal?

Ormorlehwah:
sọ́rọ̀ niyen? You and you sister's husband have no shame. At 30, do you think you are too old to get a good single man.
Continue, you will reap what you sow.

PoliteActivist:


Like I said, living on the moon. PEOPLE CHANGE!!! Sometimes for no reason at all. Or they find religion. Or they lost their job, or had an accident, etc. And become impossible to live with. Stop generalizing.

bepositive11:


People don't change. It's just that you didn't really know who they were. Hard times reveal the true nature of people because then, they can no longer put up a front

If you haven't seen someone go through stressful times, you don't know who they really are. You haven't seen all sides of them yet

Anyway, it's ok to agree to disagree. We have our reasons for believing what we believe

I agree that people grow and evolve with time, but not change drastically for no reason at all. It's just that you didn't see that side of them before but it was always in them. You may have even seen glimpses of that side of them but overlooked it

PoliteActivist:


You are simply wrong sir. St. Paul changed completely virtually overnight. Testimonies abound of people who were radically changed by religion, bad company, drugs, etc.

Miner13:
longest time bae

bepositive11:


I repeat. People don't radically change. It's just that you never saw that side of them.

That religion, that bad company, those drugs just encouraged them to reveal that side of themselves that they kept hidden

For example, if person A is genuine and humble, no amount of money will make him proud. If person B is proud, when he has little money, he cannot show off so he may look humble, but when he makes a lot, that prideful side of him will reveal itself

Have a good day

PoliteActivist:


I know this is what you were taught by some crackpot teacher. But sometimes look around you and use your own common sense.
See the story of St. Paul below. He was headed to Damascus to go kill Christians. Explain to us how he had it hidden inside him to become a Christian!

NovesaTillie:
Please I need only matured minds on this.
It's a serious matter.

My elder sister and her husband were married for 5 years and separated November last year but not divorced yet, though the families have been trying to reconcile them to come back together but my sister's husband has been adamant about it.

I noticed that ever since his separation from my sister he started visiting my place and now it has become frequent. I allowed it because I see him as a brother but now I am starting to really enjoy his company. He has been helping me out with stuffs and still maintains his kindness towards my parents.

He proposed marriage to me yesterday and I have been confused. I will be 30 by February 2nd.
Should I accept his proposal?