Let's help this dude.

I work from 8am to 4pm.
I get paid N50k at my work place.
I do make little money from office too, but it is very little compared to my main monthly pay.
I have three kids, two girls 10 & 7, and a boy 3.
I made sure I give her N40k every month for the house upkeep and feeding, so that I can use the remaining N10k and any other thing I make above it to pay the bills which include electric power, gas, tv, and to save up for the house-rent..
..
On the other hand, my wife is a full time business woman.
She leaves house by 8am and gets back by 9pm some times.
(The kids and the house-maid are the ones who see to the cooking and buying of the things we need in the house)
My wife definitely makes far more money than me every month.
She doesn't tell me the amount she makes, but I know, because when she tells me about her daily sales I marvel and rejoice with her at the amount of sales she is making.
One time, I tried to put the margins of her sales and her expenses together for one month, and I discovered that she makes a gain of up to N150k in her business every month.
I don't know what she does with it anyway.
..
Now, with almost all may salary already in her hands, and with her own profits too, she still wants me to pay for making the hair for the kids (the girls), and she wants them to be making their hair once in two weeks or maximum three weeks, and I didn't agree to that. She should be the one who takes care of that, if not, they should go on low-cut haircut styles for the moment.
I take care of the kids when they fall sick, or at worst, when there is any emergency in the house.
But she wants us to be going outings at least once in two months or once in three months.
I don't buy the idea, because I prefer buying some small chop-chop things for her and the kids every once in a while.
..
There are some other many unwarranted expenses which she said that shouldn't be done from the Money For Upkeep.
And I am no more find it funny any longer.
And we had been having slight quarrellings over these minor expenses from time to time.
..
Please my people, help me.
What and what are the expenses which the Upkeep-Money should cater for, and which ones are not supposed to be settled with the Upkeep-Money??

Most men out there are passing through this, and they cannot voice it out.

Lalasticlala,
Seun

Mynd44

The problem is not what the upkeep money should be used for, the problem is they are not working as a team. The wife wants to kill her husband for reasons best known to her.

pocohantas:
The problem is not what the upkeep money should be used for, the problem is they are not working as a team.

Honestly,, I think that's the real issue here.
They are not working to solve the issues together.
..
And the communication between them is somehow.. The communication is not healthy.

The two of them should come together and re-plot things together.

Stomach.

BluntNigerian:
Honestly,, I think that's the real issue here.
They are not working to solve the issues together.
..
And the communication between them is somehow.. The communication is not healthy.

Maybe the wife is on a mission to stress him out until he drops dead. There is nothing really surprising here. This is the standard with most Nigerian marriages and the only reason the men would cry out is because one of their own is the victim in this story.

I stopped having some silly arguments online because I realized they are not arguments I have in my own relationship, given that we are two sensible and altruistic humans. Arguments like, who will wash the plate, cook, sweep, bathe kids or pay for this and that. If two sensible and loving humans come together, it is only normal that they do things as they arise, to make life easy for themselves and their spouses.

On the flip side, I sometimes understand the selfishness of Nigerian women. In reality, nothing a Nigerian man owns is for him and his wife. It only appears that way for as long as you cater to his whims and caprices. Even Atiku with all his legitimate and stolen wealth couldn’t give up a single house for his ex-wife and mother of three kids. Nigerian men are inherently callous and their women match them in this. We are made for each other and my only prayer is that nature would find a way to align wicked people to themselves.

You are earning 50k and went ahead to have three kids?

What the Bleep is wrong with you people?

Na so una like generational poverty reach?

This is the reason why many young and smart naira landers hate Nigerian women.

What then is marriage if u can't contribute to the home where u swore to be with your husband in good times and in sickness.

Truly, many men are suffering and smiling. After using your entire salary to salvage a home without wife's cooperation,is sickening. This is typical example of monkey dey work and baboon dey chop"

Just to buttress further,u married a wicked woman that only sees u "as work and die man"

My Advice is:
The entire income of your household should be restructured such that she has to make her contributions and compulsory at that. As a family,u need to save some cash for the future and for the future of your kids else,if another kind of Buhari should become president,many families would be in chaos.
Report this matter to your in laws and those who care to hear u and let this nonsense be stopped. The earlier u do this the better.

Oga, you cannot do more than your capacity and no pressure or persuasion should ever make you attempt such. Na you go suffer am

You're a man. Explain the reality of things concerning your capacity to your wife and stand your ground on your decisions. If she wants more than what you can provide, she will see the need to work together with you as a couple and contribute her own share towards the desired purpose or interests.

Why is it hard for couples to discuss their finance?

You guys have sex together, eat together, sometimes bath together but when it comes to finance (the most crucial aspect of marriage), you people will be acting like total strangers. The men, in particular, will just drop money and that's it on finance till the next salary comes in.

Please sit her down and get to discuss your finance. It's a shame you barely even know her earnings. You both will go naked when it's time to knack each other but go about hiding like a thief in the night just to get a glimpse of what they earn or how they spend.

A lot of women want to trust your (the man) instincts, your decision-making abilities. They're willing to give it all, but not by being an absentee husband when it comes to finance or a financially wreckless and directionless individual. How can she give you her money when all you ever talk about is cost of baby diaper, cost of this and that, complains left, right and centr.

Show some level of financial prudence, the need for you guys to save, invest, etc., and she would commit totally to you.

Acidosis:
Why is it hard for couples to discuss their finance?

You guys have sex together, eat together, sometimes bath together but when it comes to finance (the most crucial aspect of marriage), you people will be acting like total strangers. The men, in particular, will just drop money and that's it on finance till the next salary comes in.

Isn’t that the standard? I saw some women having a discussion on NOK in their bank accounts and when I informed them that their husband is the first recognised BENEFICIARY in the absence of a will, you need to see how violated they felt.

A Nigerian lady would be in a relationship, knacking a guy without protection and collecting urgent 2k, but the second you tell her to fry egg- she would say she can’t do wifely duties. But you can collect wifely penis, maybe infections and unwanted pregnancies.

This money they are hiding, shey nobody would leave this earth with it? I can’t date, let alone marry a man I do not trust with my finances. I understand how dangerous that could get, but I have measures in place to mitigate risk.

If he doesn’t trust me with his too, then he has to look for someone else to do love with. The battle is outside, not within.

BluntNigerian:
Let's help this dude.

1st one should really define what is upkeep money

2nd how couples discuss family budget based on monthly income or weekly/fortnight or daily income

3 What are your expenses food, transport, electricity and personal allowance

One reason I feel many Nigerians need be probed. Surely, he's living way above his income; how is he surviving without corruption?

Raalsalghul:
You are earning 50k and went ahead to have three kids?

What the Bleep is wrong with you people?

Na so una like generational poverty reach?

Children are blessing

truthsayer009:


Children are blessing

Suffer head blessings!

pocohantas:


Isn’t that the standard? I saw some women having a discussion on NOK in their bank accounts and when I informed them that their husband is the first recognised BENEFICIARY in the absence of a will, you need to see how violated they felt.

This is bad. People are getting married for really awful reasons these days. Everyone is just going in with the mindset of pursuing self-interest.

A Nigerian lady would be in a relationship, knacking a guy without protection, collecting urgent 2k, but the second you tell her to fry egg- she would say she can’t do wifely duties. But you can collecting wifely penis, maybe infections and unwanted pregnancies.

This money they are hiding, shey nobody would leave this earth with it? I can’t date, let alone marry a man I do not trust with my finances . I understand how dangerous that could get, but I have measures in place to mitigate risk.

Exactly !

Some women are senseless and heartless.

I wonder how some women reason. You created a family with someone and you're now trying to shy away from your own responsibilities. I don't get it!

All this kind story dey turn my belle.

If you know you're not ready to cater for someone other than yourself, don't get married or bring children into this world and start looking for whom to push your responsibilities to.

A lot of women just go into marriage and start birthing children like a pig with no single plan in place for them. And you the man will not discuss this when you guys are dating. Everybody just throws away their thinking cap ( during courtship) until after marriage and multiple children have been birthed before they start running about like headless chicken, dodging responsibilities.

What will it cost her to take up the responsibility of making their hair if truly she makes that kind of money from her biz?

Op, tell your friend to sit her down and let them spell out each others financial responsibilities to themselves in the home. They both own the home therefore should share the responsibilities. If she's not down with it, then she's not ready to raise a family with him. let him look for a willing partner. Or what does she think the word "partner" in marriage means? it's only sexual partner they understand but are dumb to other partnership in marriage.


Money for upkeep should cater for only
Feeding and Household use items. That's all.

Mercychen:
Some women are senseless and heartless.

I wonder how some women reason. You created a family with someone and you're now trying to shy away from your own responsibilities. I don't get it!

All this kind story dey turn my belle.

If you know you're not ready to cater for someone other than yourself, don't get married or bring children into this world and start looking for whom to push your responsibilities to.

A lot of women just go into marriage and start birthing children like a pig with no single plan in place for them. And you the man will not discuss this when you guys are dating. Everybody just throws away their thinking cap ( during courtship) until after marriage and multiple children have been birthed before they start running about like headless chicken, dodging responsibilities.

What will it cost her to take up the responsibility of making their hair if truly she makes that kind of money from her biz?

Op, tell your friend to sit her down and let them spell out each others financial responsibilities to themselves in the home. They both own the home therefore should share the responsibilities. If she's not down with it, then she's not ready to raise a family with him. let him look for a willing partner. Or what does she think the word "partner" in marriage means? it's only sexual partner they understand but are dumb to other partnership in marriage.

This thing vex you, no be small.

pocohantas:


Isn’t that the standard? I saw some women having a discussion on NOK in their bank accounts and when I informed them that their husband is the first recognised BENEFICIARY in the absence of a will, you need to see how violated they felt.

A Nigerian lady would be in a relationship, knacking a guy without protection, collecting urgent 2k, but the second you tell her to fry egg- she would say she can’t do wifely duties. But you can collect unwifely penis, maybe infections and unwanted pregnancies.

This money they are hiding, shey nobody would leave this earth with it? I can’t date, let alone marry a man I do not trust with my finances. I understand how dangerous that could get, but I have measures in place to mitigate risk.

If he doesn’t trust me with his too, then he has to look for someone else to do love with. The battle is outside, not within.

I'm not moved.

Raalsalghul:


I'm not moved.

You, your N638.01 account balance, Infinix phone, Tiger generator, 4 by 6 bed and legediz Benz- are not the target my dear.

Remain unmoved.

pocohantas:


You, your N638.01 account balance, Infinix phone, Tiger generator, 4 by 6 bed and legediz Benz- are not the target my dear.

Remain unmoved.

I dey even soak yellow garri now for rubber plate. How you take know?

Raalsalghul:


This thing vex you, no be small.

True nau. .

Raalsalghul:


I dey even soak yellow garri now for rubber plate. How you take know?

The kind of question you shouldn’t ask a gold digger with money sensor.

pocohantas:


The kind of question you shouldn’t ask a gold digger with money sensor.

Abi, nothing bad in delusions.

Raalsalghul:


This thing vex you, no be small.

But you sef,, you never say your own opinion towards the real matter.
You just picked one corner of the whole scenario and reacted

BluntCrazeMan:
But you sef,, you never say your own opinion towards the real matter.
You just picked one corner of the whole scenario and reacted

Your money is our money, but my money is my money.

Isn't that the slogan of Nigerian women?

Go through the below threads to give you perspective; so no surprises for me.

https://www.nairaland.com/6888330/overthinking-really-bad-wife
https://www.nairaland.com/6853615/scam-called-marriage
https://www.nairaland.com/6922097/girlfriend-ran-away-because-proposed/21#109059844

My own is that men complain a lot and these are things they should expect when going into marriage.

If you doubt me, quickly carry out a little analysis on the lamentation threads by men and women in the family/romance section.

Your results should be in the ratio 6:1.

I'm only concerned about the kids: 3 of them on a salary of 50 k? Haba!

And before someone would say, I'm referencing only Nairaland, I have real life friends who complain about the same to me too. So?

Just kill yourself for her.

The issue here is that the husband thinks the 40k he drops a month is what sustains the family for 30days.

How you think your wife isn't using her money to augment the 40k is a wonder to me.
I mean, 40k for three children, you, she and the housemaid in this economy?

The truth is, your wife spends as much as you spend or even more in running the house but being the typical Nigerian woman that is expected to make it seem like her hubby is doing everything, she will always ask you for money mainly to massage your ego.

If you don't get this message, forget about it.

GboyegaD:
One reason I feel many Nigerians need be probed. Surely, he's living way above his income; how is he surviving without corruption?

Loool ooo.

Shey he doesn't enter transport to work or buy clothes since he gives 40k to wife and uses 10k to pay other house bills.