Teettyllayho:

Please I need advise from people with grown up kids.

Honestly, parenting is not easy. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My first son is 7 but he is kind of slow. However, he's above average in learning and he's learning at his pace. I understand all of this and I'm always happy to guide him.

But I don't know if I'm too hard or too soft on him because I use to talk to him a lot. I only beat him when he does something serious (like going against my rules, or not doing his homework when he should).

These days, whenever I scold him, he would give me a sad look and he might even shout saying: "I've heard you!" Then, he will be alone in a corner for some time.

Sometimes, I'd go close to him and tell him why I had to scold him and he'd say "I don't like it when you shout at me" I'd apologize and hug him (I don't even know if I'm spoiling him by apologizing). .

I don't know how to scold without putting a bit of action at least. Shey I'll be whispering and scolding ni? Sometimes, I'll leave him and pretend as if I didn't see him when he brings up such attitude.

Last week, he mistakenly brought back someone else's lunch box home because they look very much alike. I told him it's okay that it happens and I promised to write his name in bold when he brings back his box the next day to prevent such from happening again.

Could you believe that he came back with the other person's lunch box again? When I asked him, he said he didn't see his lunch box and the boy that took his own. Then I asked: Did you tell your class teacher? Are you sure you know the boy?

His reply: I didn't tell my teacher because I know the boy and I went to his class but he wasn't there.

So, I figured that he must have gone to check once and didn't bother to check again. And he didn't bother to also tell his class teacher.

So, I was very mad this time and told him not to bring someone else's property home again, no matter what!

I think he would have told his teacher if he really valued his property because he told me something that made me really mad the next morning.

"Mummy, or will you buy me another lunch box since we can't find mine?" Luckily for me, he was brushing his teeth then and I was bathing for his sister. The resounding slap I gave him on his back brought back his senses.

I don't know why he always want something new. He spoilt the lunch box I bought for him and his sister o and he's using another one now. That is, he wants me to buy a third one while his sister is still using the first one? How na?

I don't even know what to think. Why would he want a new box when he's barely used the new one?

Then, he's always talking about how his classmates use to bring different kinds of food ( he wasn't like this before o).

I try as much as possible to make different foods for him too, and he's stopped complaining.

We recently changed his school and his new school has quite a lot of pupils. I Don't know if that's affecting him.

Honestly, I'm bothered about the changes and I don't know how best to address it.

I've made him understand countless times that he should always be content with whatever he has and he shouldn't compare himself with anyone.

I just finished with another round of lecture now and he has tears in his eyes saying:

"Mummy, stop shouting at me. It makes me sad"

I was heartbroken and felt guilty seeing him like this and I did everything possible to make him see why I had to shout or scold.

Please how can I scold a child without shouting? Am I spoiling him? Can someone help with tips?
Honestly, I'm tired!

Now that he is still in his teenage age, don't think twice by sparing the rod. At the same time, don't let your emotions & love for him stop you from monitoring him, whenever you are convinced in your inner mind that he is doing something that is not right. Sorry, may I ask where is his father? He has big roles to play in this regards, but if he is not around, you have to learn to play both roles. Spare the rod & spoil the child.

Kobojunkie:
Wrong!

If your shouts are causing him anxieties, he has a right to let you know. You both then need to work on an arrangement that limits the Shouting and gives you both piece of mind.

You and your 7 old child both need to work on an arrangement on how he should be disciplined or how he should be raised.

Very interesting. No wonder this generation is raising very wayward and lawless kids

Based on your narrative, your child is already growing wings for a 7-year old child to muster the courage to tell his parent that they should stop shouting at him. Even as an adult, I can't muster the courage to tell my parents such even if they shout at me

Back to the matter, the absence of the father is also playing a role here. It looks like you're the only one doing the child upbringing which isn't enough (I'm not saying the father is neglecting his responsibilities)

From your narrative also, your child now finds himself in an environment of materialistic children who would destroy their items today and then bring another one to school tomorrow. The reason why your child is no longer contented with what you're providing for him

I would suggest that you need to be more friendly to your child since the harsh method is already making him rebellious. Also, your husband needs to come in too so that you can jointly discipline him. I don't like parent who are only available for their wards during weekend only

Soon, the boy you're projecting would completely turn a rebellious child before he becomes a teenager if care is not taken

Parenting is not easy.
Avoid shouting or hitting.

Use constructive punishment. Kids (like everyone else) hate anything that affect their me time.

No tv, no cartoons, kneel down, do machine ( their head go straight) .
The issue of the lunch box actually requires adult intervention.

Schools are usually pretty structured, timed lessons, breaks, instructions to stay in classes and not roam the halls.
Kids might not be able to adequately resolve such issues in that climate.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, LET DADDY BE INVOLVED IN DISCIPLINE!

Else kids will love daddy and hate mummy. Besides two hands wash better than one.



Modified: try and share the management of the kids, stressed mums is not an emotionally healthy mum, not good for herself and not good for the home.

OP, I will advice you to always have your children's teachers' number. It is part of your duty to be communicating with their teachers.
As for your boy,you need to keep communicating with him. Communication is the key.

Teettyllayho:

Please I need advise from people with grown up kids.

Honestly, parenting is not easy. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My first son is 7 but he is kind of slow. However, he's above average in learning and he's learning at his pace. I understand all of this and I'm always happy to guide him.

But I don't know if I'm too hard or too soft on him because I use to talk to him a lot. I only beat him when he does something serious (like going against my rules, or not doing his homework when he should).

These days, whenever I scold him, he would give me a sad look and he might even shout saying: "I've heard you!" Then, he will be alone in a corner for some time.

Sometimes, I'd go close to him and tell him why I had to scold him and he'd say "I don't like it when you shout at me" I'd apologize and hug him (I don't even know if I'm spoiling him by apologizing). .

I don't know how to scold without putting a bit of action at least. Shey I'll be whispering and scolding ni? Sometimes, I'll leave him and pretend as if I didn't see him when he brings up such attitude.

Last week, he mistakenly brought back someone else's lunch box home because they look very much alike. I told him it's okay that it happens and I promised to write his name in bold when he brings back his box the next day to prevent such from happening again.

Could you believe that he came back with the other person's lunch box again? When I asked him, he said he didn't see his lunch box and the boy that took his own. Then I asked: Did you tell your class teacher? Are you sure you know the boy?

His reply: I didn't tell my teacher because I know the boy and I went to his class but he wasn't there.

So, I figured that he must have gone to check once and didn't bother to check again. And he didn't bother to also tell his class teacher.

So, I was very mad this time and told him not to bring someone else's property home again, no matter what!

I think he would have told his teacher if he really valued his property because he told me something that made me really mad the next morning.

"Mummy, or will you buy me another lunch box since we can't find mine?" Luckily for me, he was brushing his teeth then and I was bathing for his sister. The resounding slap I gave him on his back brought back his senses.

I don't know why he always want something new. He spoilt the lunch box I bought for him and his sister o and he's using another one now. That is, he wants me to buy a third one while his sister is still using the first one? How na?

I don't even know what to think. Why would he want a new box when he's barely used the new one?

Then, he's always talking about how his classmates use to bring different kinds of food ( he wasn't like this before o).

I try as much as possible to make different foods for him too, and he's stopped complaining.

We recently changed his school and his new school has quite a lot of pupils. I Don't know if that's affecting him.

Honestly, I'm bothered about the changes and I don't know how best to address it.

I've made him understand countless times that he should always be content with whatever he has and he shouldn't compare himself with anyone.

I just finished with another round of lecture now and he has tears in his eyes saying:

"Mummy, stop shouting at me. It makes me sad"

I was heartbroken and felt guilty seeing him like this and I did everything possible to make him see why I had to shout or scold.

Please how can I scold a child without shouting? Am I spoiling him? Can someone help with tips?
Honestly, I'm tired!

Let him live with his Dad and come join you at weekends.

Teettyllayho:


Hmm. Is this true? Male children don't fear their mothers?

Dad comes around during weekends.

they do if done right however I don’t think you should be looking for a way to make your child ‘Fear’ you. It is better to be respected than to be feared and there is a thin line between both. Sit down and have a conversation with him. Not just one off reprimands. Sit him down, talk to him about cause and effects. If you do the crime you should know there is time and you should be ready for the consequences of your actions. Also, I’m sure there are things he loves. A little denial here and there should help. The whites don’t beat their kids but they ground them. Grounding is denying them privileges that they enjoy. They might think it is easy at first but as the days progresses while they re grounded and all privileges scrapped, they begin to realize they could easily have avoided what brought about the loss of their privileges. When you feel he has learned his lesson, sit him down and talk to him. Also, don’t encourage him yelling at you. He can tell you how he feels but not yell it out. You’re not deaf. Personally when i have issues with people too, I talk calmly and if the other person is trying to yell, i keep stating it to them “do not yell at me. We are having a conversation and can very much hear ourselves better when we talk calmly “. Omo, flig him once once if need be but after that should come reproach and correction and he needs to know it is the law of cause and effect. If you don’t want to be treated in this manner, you have to avoid doing this or that.

Karleb:
For your child to say you should stop shouting at him actually shows disrespect.

Correct that!

Interesting. This is how you raise push arounds. Children are not items and they have feelings too. And as parents, you should be willing to take feedbacks too. I really hope she listens and stops shouting at him.

On top all the matter wen dey trouble Nigerians under incompetent, clueless Buhari, na this yeye matter you see carry come? Shior

Ahmed0336:
No vex, where's his dad?
I want to believe you're trying your best, I don't think you're spoiling him. Just give him time he will outgrow this phase.

It's another baby mama in pains bro She must have think children of these days don't know shit even if they can't talk when they're doing it.

Whatever, it's another baby mama in pains I suppose

OP, You should NEVER apologise to ur child after you have scolded or beat him! Shows terrible Weakness on your part and he might capitalise on this and misbehave more!

Teettyllayho:


Hmm. Is this true? Male children don't fear their mothers?

Dad comes around during weekends.

That is true but you need to be hard on him and at the same time cool with him. Just balance it.

Don’t shout at him, just talk to him, please.

Rubbiish:

Yes @bold
I can still remember vividly my mom reporting me & elder brother to my dad for every punishment. I respect & love my mom, but that natural fear I have for my dad growing up, I never had it for my mom one day. The dad should start getting more involved in his life, u already trying your best, but there is a limit u can go on him as a mother. The little man needs the presence of a man to mould him.

wrong. That was you with ur mother. Growing up once our mum goes out or travels, we were free as birds. Once she’s back home, we literally spoke in whispers not because she was evil but she was iron handed and in as much as we feared her wrath, we always lived to go out with her and stuff cos she also knew how to spoil us. We actually loved being around her when we were good and once we bleeped up, we prayed she wouldn’t find out and sometimes she shocked us by just outrightly forgiving us without flogging.

What happen to use of cane?

If you don't have cane at least you have USB cord

Teettyllayho:

Please I need advise from people with grown up kids.

Honestly, parenting is not easy. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My first son is 7 but he is kind of slow. However, he's above average in learning and he's learning at his pace. I understand all of this and I'm always happy to guide him.

But I don't know if I'm too hard or too soft on him because I use to talk to him a lot. I only beat him when he does something serious (like going against my rules, or not doing his homework when he should).

These days, whenever I scold him, he would give me a sad look and he might even shout saying: "I've heard you!" Then, he will be alone in a corner for some time.

Sometimes, I'd go close to him and tell him why I had to scold him and he'd say "I don't like it when you shout at me" I'd apologize and hug him (I don't even know if I'm spoiling him by apologizing). .

I don't know how to scold without putting a bit of action at least. Shey I'll be whispering and scolding ni? Sometimes, I'll leave him and pretend as if I didn't see him when he brings up such attitude.

Last week, he mistakenly brought back someone else's lunch box home because they look very much alike. I told him it's okay that it happens and I promised to write his name in bold when he brings back his box the next day to prevent such from happening again.

Could you believe that he came back with the other person's lunch box again? When I asked him, he said he didn't see his lunch box and the boy that took his own. Then I asked: Did you tell your class teacher? Are you sure you know the boy?

His reply: I didn't tell my teacher because I know the boy and I went to his class but he wasn't there.

So, I figured that he must have gone to check once and didn't bother to check again. And he didn't bother to also tell his class teacher.

So, I was very mad this time and told him not to bring someone else's property home again, no matter what!

I think he would have told his teacher if he really valued his property because he told me something that made me really mad the next morning.

"Mummy, or will you buy me another lunch box since we can't find mine?" Luckily for me, he was brushing his teeth then and I was bathing for his sister. The resounding slap I gave him on his back brought back his senses.

I don't know why he always want something new. He spoilt the lunch box I bought for him and his sister o and he's using another one now. That is, he wants me to buy a third one while his sister is still using the first one? How na?

I don't even know what to think. Why would he want a new box when he's barely used the new one?

Then, he's always talking about how his classmates use to bring different kinds of food ( he wasn't like this before o).

I try as much as possible to make different foods for him too, and he's stopped complaining.

We recently changed his school and his new school has quite a lot of pupils. I Don't know if that's affecting him.

Honestly, I'm bothered about the changes and I don't know how best to address it.

I've made him understand countless times that he should always be content with whatever he has and he shouldn't compare himself with anyone.

I just finished with another round of lecture now and he has tears in his eyes saying:

"Mummy, stop shouting at me. It makes me sad"

I was heartbroken and felt guilty seeing him like this and I did everything possible to make him see why I had to shout or scold.

Please how can I scold a child without shouting? Am I spoiling him? Can someone help with tips?
Honestly, I'm tired!

Your son is the king of emotional blackmail.

The nigga is running you street.

Be firm when you discipline kids don't give him room to sit one corner and cry.

Discipline and send off immediately to do something that will keep him busy.

Madam you are being too hard on him.I don't think you should resort to hitting him every now and then.Kids can be very annoying,no doubt.. But pls try to rein in your temper and quick tendencies to hit.Like this,you can't live abroad.Child services will take that child from you.My daughter for instance is just 2+,and trust me she's a handful..At that age she's very opinionated.The issue of lunch box is common with kids,they don't like to use the same lunch box for a long time, neither do they like to eat the same meals over and over again.

These kids get bored easily,so my advice is to involve your child in shopping for his school things.Let him pick what he loves.Ask the child what he wants to eat and prepare it of it's convenient for you.Those things makes a child happier,more confident and emotionally stable enough to learn well in school.It's not a bad idea to have 2 lunch boxes and to switch between both regularly.No one said having a child was cheap, that's why personally you have to double up on your hustle and also have the numbers of kids you can conveniently give the best to.At their age they are in subtle competition with their classmates, so the one you can do,pls do for them.. However i am not in support of giving a child all he wants.You can make it a reward for good grades or good behaviour,that way he has sth to look forward to.

Karleb:


Are you minding some confused people here.

I'm all for loving and caring for kids but I'm also a firm believer of proper value and respect.

Even oyinbo kids from proper homes dare not say that to their parents, especially the father.
They know them go chop beating!

If I'm angry at my kids, do you expect me to whisper?

Dem scold 7 year pikin, he dey form mood. Con tell the mama say she dey shout for am. E fit follow the papa abi teacher for school yarn that nonsense?

Not at all @ bolded.

Karleb:


Stay there and be forming woke.

If the mother is angry, do you expect her to talk softly?

Work on an agreement with a 7yr old, wtf are you saying?

Can the kid say that to his teacher?

The guy tries too hard. So much that its pathetic.

Teettyllayho:

Please I need advise from people with grown up kids.

Honestly, parenting is not easy. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My first son is 7 but he is kind of slow. However, he's above average in learning and he's learning at his pace. I understand all of this and I'm always happy to guide him.

your child is seven years old - in his formative years. in my opinion Nigerians are unable to think critically because corrections have always been by beating. also nigerians are unable to rule with empathy but only with fear for the same reason - because that is all they have learnt. you can correct your child without violence. it is better you do.

But I don't know if I'm too hard or too soft on him because I use to talk to him a lot. I only beat him when he does something serious (like going against my rules, or not doing his homework when he should).

remember your child is 7 years old

Last week, he mistakenly brought back someone else's lunch box home because they look very much alike. I told him it's okay that it happens and I promised to write his name in bold when he brings back his box the next day to prevent such from happening again.

Could you believe that he came back with the other person's lunch box again? When I asked him, he said he didn't see his lunch box and the boy that took his own. Then I asked: Did you tell your class teacher? Are you sure you know the boy?

His reply: I didn't tell my teacher because I know the boy and I went to his class but he wasn't there.

So, I figured that he must have gone to check once and didn't bother to check again. And he didn't bother to also tell his class teacher.

you will have to follow this one up. with the school and the parents of the other child. what do you really expect a seven year old to do in this case?

"Mummy, or will you buy me another lunch box since we can't find mine?" Luckily for me, he was brushing his teeth then and I was bathing for his sister. The resounding slap I gave him on his back brought back his senses.

I don't know why he always want something new. He spoilt the lunch box I bought for him and his sister o and he's using another one now. That is, he wants me to buy a third one while his sister is still using the first one? How na?

welcome to the wonderful world of disposable income, and children who think their parents have a money tree in the backyard. also. for whatever reason, in my direct experience boys are always rougher and more careless than girls with their possessions.

I don't even know what to think. Why would he want a new box when he's barely used the new one?

Then, he's always talking about how his classmates use to bring different kinds of food ( he wasn't like this before o).

I try as much as possible to make different foods for him too, and he's stopped complaining.

We recently changed his school and his new school has quite a lot of pupils. I Don't know if that's affecting him.

this is inevitable. he is a child. he sees his classmates with somethings and assumes you should also be able to provide same.

Honestly, I'm bothered about the changes and I don't know how best to address it.

I've made him understand countless times that he should always be content with whatever he has and he shouldn't compare himself with anyone.

as kobojunkie said, there is no manual for children unfortunately. but you need to remember that your child is 7 years old, not 10, not 15.

Teettyllayho:

Please I need advise from people with grown up kids.

Honestly, parenting is not easy. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My first son is 7 but he is kind of slow. However, he's above average in learning and he's learning at his pace. I understand all of this and I'm always happy to guide him.

But I don't know if I'm too hard or too soft on him because I use to talk to him a lot. I only beat him when he does something serious (like going against my rules, or not doing his homework when he should).

These days, whenever I scold him, he would give me a sad look and he might even shout saying: "I've heard you!" Then, he will be alone in a corner for some time.

Sometimes, I'd go close to him and tell him why I had to scold him and he'd say "I don't like it when you shout at me" I'd apologize and hug him (I don't even know if I'm spoiling him by apologizing). .

I don't know how to scold without putting a bit of action at least. Shey I'll be whispering and scolding ni? Sometimes, I'll leave him and pretend as if I didn't see him when he brings up such attitude.

Last week, he mistakenly brought back someone else's lunch box home because they look very much alike. I told him it's okay that it happens and I promised to write his name in bold when he brings back his box the next day to prevent such from happening again.

Could you believe that he came back with the other person's lunch box again? When I asked him, he said he didn't see his lunch box and the boy that took his own. Then I asked: Did you tell your class teacher? Are you sure you know the boy?

His reply: I didn't tell my teacher because I know the boy and I went to his class but he wasn't there.

So, I figured that he must have gone to check once and didn't bother to check again. And he didn't bother to also tell his class teacher.

So, I was very mad this time and told him not to bring someone else's property home again, no matter what!

I think he would have told his teacher if he really valued his property because he told me something that made me really mad the next morning.

"Mummy, or will you buy me another lunch box since we can't find mine?" Luckily for me, he was brushing his teeth then and I was bathing for his sister. The resounding slap I gave him on his back brought back his senses.

I don't know why he always want something new. He spoilt the lunch box I bought for him and his sister o and he's using another one now. That is, he wants me to buy a third one while his sister is still using the first one? How na?

I don't even know what to think. Why would he want a new box when he's barely used the new one?

Then, he's always talking about how his classmates use to bring different kinds of food ( he wasn't like this before o).

I try as much as possible to make different foods for him too, and he's stopped complaining.

We recently changed his school and his new school has quite a lot of pupils. I Don't know if that's affecting him.

Honestly, I'm bothered about the changes and I don't know how best to address it.

I've made him understand countless times that he should always be content with whatever he has and he shouldn't compare himself with anyone.

I just finished with another round of lecture now and he has tears in his eyes saying:

"Mummy, stop shouting at me. It makes me sad"

I was heartbroken and felt guilty seeing him like this and I did everything possible to make him see why I had to shout or scold.

Please how can I scold a child without shouting? Am I spoiling him? Can someone help with tips?
Honestly, I'm tired!

Weldone madam, you are the Mother and he is your Son. You are the one who will guide him to what you want in him in the future and the type of Adult you want him to become tomorrow. Remember, we are in Africa, perhaps if you travel abroad and you try to scold him for any wrong doing, I am afraid, he might call the Authority on you. He is still young, anytime he does what is wrong, correct him. But please after the correction or scolding or whatever, DO NOT BEG HIM ! Because doing that perhaps is sending a signal to him, as if you have cheated him. You are the mother for God sake, you have to guide him on what you want. And the best time to do that is now. Not when he grows to certain age when that mightbea bit difficult. Remember the from age 15 upwards, you will start to monitor him from peer pressure too. Talkless of when he gets to higher institution where it might be difficult to change anything again. Do your best before he enters the world so to say.I am sure if he grows up and abide by most of this your upbringing, he will definitely understand most of the things you are scolding him for now. By that time he will be praying for you because he would have understand that life is not about what he thinks it is now.

phemmyfour:
Stop shouting at him, if he's going through a lot in school, he won't be able to confide in you. It will also affect his self confidence.

2. Stop beating/slapping him with your hands, introduce cane flogging and it should be on his hands. Do that once in a while.

3. Introduce punishment that affect his area of interest e.g Since you decided to come home with another person's lunch box, no cartoon/game for you today

This is more reasonable and logical and design to help put your child back in shape, without affecting his esteem in any negative way. Not the wannabe Oyinbo advice I have bn reading up there.

Beremx:
Imagine a child telling his mother not to shout at him, that means if you shout at him when he’s a teenager, he will slap you.

Madam, start now to correct him especially with cane. No too much shout shout or else his misdemeanor will get out of hand.

Speaking from experience

Some people are even hailing the kid for "being smart and intuned". People forget that what they see in foreign movies is just a movie.

SMH

Candidlady:



Isee kobojunkie peeping... Sure she got something to say


Lemme learn although idont pray for boy child!!!

Who wants a stupid girl child?

thanks for tip

majesticguy:



I quite agree with the dude who talked about trial and error.

You see while growing up as a kid, I had this awkward knack for intentionally spoiling things at home. My parents would always give me the beating of myself (I sure deserved it). But you see, the flogging only reinforced or strengthened my behavior negativity. Because the more they flogged me, the more I spoilt something far worse than before.

How were they able to correct me? Very simple. Back then, my mum helped me save the monetary gifts I received from friends and relatives. So, they came up with this policy that if I ever spoilt anything, that money would be used in replacing it. The devil in me simply called them bluff as few minutes after the proclamation I spoilt something. My folks acted and seized all I had. It really hurt me, it hurt me so bad that I preferred I were flogged instead. I cried my eyes out for days, I begged, and begged, yet my plea fell on deaf ears.

From then onwards while growing up, I was very cautious so as not spoil anything mistakenly, not to talk of doing it deliberately.

Then I go tell my mama say stop shouting at me, the kind beating I go collect that day eh...



I like what I turn into today all because of discipline.


All this ajebo training no dey help matter o

The earlier the better, you're doing great madam, pls don't look at his face be firm children will want to get away with naughty behavior leave him to cry after punishment you can now not when they're in their teens. Not only beating you give the kids punishment like face the wall with their hands spread up. Another one pick pin, one finger pointing to the ground, one leg bent and stretched back these punishment i do want I don't want to shout or Cain my kids before I their teens. Don't over do the begging, make sure he sees you're very angry with him and come and apologize mom or dad I won't do that again. We're close and friends they're in university now and I have peace of mind, themselves becomes disciplined in life!

Check your past life.

You can use punishments. He is using emotional blackmail on you and it is working. He is a smart kid�.When he does something wrong, seize his tab or toys, don't allow him watch TV, play or anything. And when you give the punishment, see that he do it. Don't let emotions get in the way.
He is in a new school, it will take some time for him to adjust, be patient.
God will help you

Tell him his actions are making you sad too.

Animegirl:
Omoh!!! This matter pass me.

Lemme wait for mummies and daddies here to do the needful.

I have a cousin with exact behaviour as your son. I sha noticed, the Dad doesn't take nonsense from his boy. Everyday is back to back beating for the boy.

This back to back beating has it brought any change? I suggest he talks to the child n make him or her see reasons why he shdnt do certain things. The child will get used to this beatings which will harden him mk him less afraid. Parenting isnt easy at all n no manual for it.