₦airaland Forum

Klass99:
Make I follow you LOL, Jonny abeg die this yarn joor. I am self aware enough to know that I am lacking in that area/department.

Why will I be pleading with my offspring because of bond? Unto sey I carried him for 9 months in my womb? I don't have it in me o!

Las las, is he Jesus Christ? Can any child hang on a tree and die for me like Christ did? Why will I come and be killing myself on top of their matter?

They will not get me into heaven when this life is over and one of my goals is to make heaven. Neither will I be asked to give an account of my child's life, I will be asked to give an account of my own life.

OMONGBALI:
It is sell, not sale. Why do Igbos make this mistake?

Carlyboi:
Dear Sir Desusi!

I’m firstly gonna applaud you for constantly fulfilling your fatherly duties to your kids even though you owe them that responsibility being their progenitor but as soon as they become adults you’re not necessarily obliged and even young kids abound who have got only deadbeats Sperm donor to call Dad!

To your post I think you need to understand how unfavorable the economy is to people generally not to talk of someone who’s underemployed and a male child..we males deal with loads of pressure and responsibilities which sometimes can be overwhelming,but....I can’t absolve him of responsibilities especially if the bills have become a burden for you...so he needs to sit up and man up.

Let me ask these questions..do you deprive access to the house or visit especially females?second do you think he’s genuinely financially incapacitated or he’s just not willing to try?I asked bout the access cos he might spending money on entertaining women elsewhere if he’s into women and if he’s actually kind then you can’t go too hard on him...you can tell your daughter bout it and get her to see reason or anyone else you think can get through to him friends,relatives or lover(s)if applicable.

Then try and saddle him with the smallest bills to start with and try awaken that sense of responsibility in him,also don’t try push him or force him out,don’t put me under undue pressure,don’t denigrate or Shame him cos of his financial and employment status...that would do more harm than good and strain and scar your relationship for life.

At the end of the day if nothing changes do whatever you can going forward and prioritize your needs he would always sort himself out and also it’s only a matter of time he won’t live with your for life I’m here thinking 5yrs at the most he would find his footing and move in to his own apartment...if you can accommodate,groom and raise him for 29years of his life what is 5years less or more that you can’t bear and also put him in your prayers constantly,pray for him to thrive!

Herbephe1:
This is really frustrating, I'll be 29yrs next month and currently I'm in my 300l second semester,assu is slugging my academic progress.
l stay with my parents, some time I feel ashamed of living and eating my parents food at 29"davido age" the fact that I'm older than wiz de give me headache. I'm currently teaching now earning 13k .
I'm not comfortable despite the fact that I'm still schooling not to talk of a whole graduate still eating his parents food at 29! doesn't he have friends? because sometimes my friends do tease me of being fed at my age.

hope he's not into a relationship sha

Beremx:
The current situation of the country made him to still be living under your roof. Don’t frustrate him and make him misbehave. He’s still a good boy unlike some sons who are jobless and shameless. Give him more time to look for a better job and let him move on

tensazangetsu20:
So long as you made the selfish decision to have children, you are completely responsible for them till you die. As if they are sharing high paying jobs in Nigeria.

Aguogba:
Graduation in Nigeria now is no longer a passport towards meaningful livelihood. It only ensures that the graduand can become a reasonable member of the society.
What you have to do is to invite your son for a talk.
1.Ask him what his passion is in life. As in, what is that one thing that he knows that he is good at. That thing he does with little effort and excels.
2. When he tells you and you're convinced that he got it right (of course you must have seen signs without being told)
Hmmm,still learning, great thanks.
3. Verify from him if he is motivated to chase that passion, if the answer is yes, your problems are halved.
4. Ask him to make a budget of what it takes to KICK-START that passion.
5. Make your own research to confirm if he did a good job with (number 4) above as you won't entertain hiccups after.
6. Provide that "LAST PUSH" and make it clear that it's handsoff from that point as long as economic parental support is concerned.
7. Follow up with advice when called upon.
8. Good luck to both of you.

Aguogba:
Graduation in Nigeria now is no longer a passport towards meaningful livelihood. It only ensures that the graduand can become a reasonable member of the society.
What you have to do is to invite your son for a talk.
1.Ask him what his passion is in life. As in, what is that one thing that he knows that he is good at. That thing he does with little effort and excels.
2. When he tells you and you're convinced that he got it right (of course you must have seen signs without being told)
3. Verify from him if he is motivated to chase that passion, if the answer is yes, your problems are halved.
4. Ask him to make a budget of what it takes to KICK-START that passion.
5. Make your own research to confirm if he did a good job with (number 4) above as you won't entertain hiccups after.
6. Provide that "LAST PUSH" and make it clear that it's handsoff from that point as long as economic parental support is concerned.
7. Follow up with advice when called upon.
8. Good luck to both of you.

Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.

l am over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God, l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here in Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back.

As a retired man with meager money, I decided to manage a little business which barely gives me much money. One of these my children, a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job.

We are living in my personal house. l would single handedly pay electricity bills, lawnman, etc. My son would not want to help in any way, not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.

Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me. His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he needs to change.

I am afraid even if this boy owns shop rite in future, he would not help either.

Malory:
Shatap

nams77:
Yea things are hard but a responsible man must commit something to the house no matter how little.

Immediately I returned from service in 2007, I left and rented my own apartment but notwithstanding, I was still doing some little things in our house.
My first salary was 12,600.( I can't forget that ) from that 12,600, I used around 7,000 to change the whole mosquito net in the house. I used to also pay for TV subscription.

So I see no reason why that guy shouldn't contribute even a penny. He is just a very selfish person.
If I was his father, I will issue an ultimatum. if he doesn't meet it, he is leaving my house. Let him go see what it is like outside.

Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.

l am over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God, l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here in Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back.

As a retired man with meager money, I decided to manage a little business which barely gives me much money. One of these my children, a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job.

We are living in my personal house. l would single handedly pay electricity bills, lawnman, etc. My son would not want to help in any way, not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.

Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me. His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he needs to change.

I am afraid even if this boy owns shop rite in future, he would not help either.

Blackbishop:
I will tell you from experience that it is futile to talk and talk again you will turn his enemy on a long run and what you are preventing will happen which is neglecting you.

But to be the wise man here, like my father did, he became my friend for more than a month he never hint me of his plan. He was so friendly that I have forgotten what we use to fight about then gbam one morning without provocation he just came over to my room and said I want to rent this room out due to the fact am old and I can’t work again. So when is it convenient for you to move out?

Professorcplus:
You people clamoring to forcefully eject the poor man out didn't think twice.

He trained a graduate which means he's teachable, I can't fantom why op and his son can talk and iron things like a civil being.

If you force him out, well he might survive the harsh condition, but just know the son might become harder, thougher and worse will never cater for his old papa.

Paraventure he becomes successful, you might later be at his mercy by them he treats you with cruel. It is them you hear people say is a wicked child. Who cares anyway.

The op one sided story isn't complete. I was expecting his to says he stream his money bla bla bla.

nams77:
Ok. Maybe I was to harsh. Maybe it will not be proper to send him out but If he is teaching as his father posited, then he should add some value

Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.

l am over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God, l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here in Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back.

As a retired man with meager money, I decided to manage a little business which barely gives me much money. One of these my children, a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job.

We are living in my personal house. l would single handedly pay electricity bills, lawnman, etc. My son would not want to help in any way, not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.

Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me. His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he needs to change.

I am afraid even if this boy owns shop rite in future, he would not help either.

Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.

l am over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God, l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here in Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back.

As a retired man with meager money, I decided to manage a little business which barely gives me much money. One of these my children, a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job.

We are living in my personal house. l would single handedly pay electricity bills, lawnman, etc. My son would not want to help in any way, not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.

Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me. His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he needs to change.

I am afraid even if this boy owns shop rite in future, he would not help either.

Golan007:
After graduation, a man should leave his father's house.

Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.

l am over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God, l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here in Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back.

As a retired man with meager money, I decided to manage a little business which barely gives me much money. One of these my children, a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job.

We are living in my personal house. l would single handedly pay electricity bills, lawnman, etc. My son would not want to help in any way, not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.

Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me. His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he needs to change.

I am afraid even if this boy owns shop rite in future, he would not help either.

Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.

l am over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God, l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here in Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back.

As a retired man with meager money, I decided to manage a little business which barely gives me much money. One of these my children, a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job.

We are living in my personal house. l would single handedly pay electricity bills, lawnman, etc. My son would not want to help in any way, not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.

Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me. His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he needs to change.

I am afraid even if this boy owns shop rite in future, he would not help either.

shawante:
You don't want your son to enjoy you now that you're alive abi?

nams77:
Ok. Maybe I was to harsh. Maybe it will not be proper to send him out but If he is teaching as his father posited, then he should add some value

philosophie:
Tell him you're giving him a grace of 1year to save at least 90% of his pay every month and decide on how to move ahead.

Mooh247:




See wetin bad economy cause

You can't repay your father for raising you, you are still taking from him even at retirement

That's a crime


Use the method my mum used on us..

Note ; she is a retired Federal Government worker with my dad and they both earn good money from pension and house rent

Call all your children to have a serious conversation early in the morning...

Mandate each and everyone of them to take care of a certain bill or give you a certain amount every month so as to receive your true blessing while you're still alive

Start with little commitments for them

*filling of cooking gas
*service and fueling of Generators
*buying of pure water bags and water dispenser refill
*even your kid in school can afford to buy bread or live chcken every time he comes home if you mandate him to do so
*3k monthly subscription of internet or DSTV




.

Yomit71:
pray always that God should open ways for him.
I have once been in his shoes and I can tell you that period of life for a man is really tough, depression could set in. I left home after my youth service thinking I want to start life on my own, see the reality is that it takes the grace of God to stand.
So after praying fervently for him, you can tell him you want him to go out and hustle for himself but equip him with some few cash to assist him for the period he will be walking helter skelter in search of greener pastures.
That's what my mom did for me and today, God has enlarged my coast and I have been reciprocating the good deeds ever since.
Glory to God.