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My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Kobojunkie: 9:11pm On Mar 12, 2022
Acidosis:
I hope you know that this issue is beyond contributing as in the case of two roommates? That's why I mentioned the use of manipulative tricks to get money from him.

As far as compassion between a father and his son is concerned, I don't see a solution.
You advise a parent to resort to using manipulative tricks to get money from his own son in his own house? undecided

This man is here dealing with his own son. So long as he raised the boy, I see no problem with him continuing the training so that when the boy finally leaves, he is a better man for it. undecided

2 Likes

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by LilMissFavvy(f): 9:14pm On Mar 12, 2022
He is selfish*. So you have to be locking up some of the foodstuffs and other items in a place he cannot reach. You can take the fridge to your room permanently. I think you should be happy to have your son living with you. Don't send him away. When you begin to lock things up, he will start buying items for the house.

4 Likes

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Richy4(m): 9:20pm On Mar 12, 2022
Desusi:

Your suggestions are superb.It means there are cool headed Nigerians who can see things on ones side like this. Greatthanks. I will work on this too.Advice is a second mother to a child.

U are welcome sir.. wishing you the best smiley
Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Desusi: 9:29pm On Mar 12, 2022
Tina001:


If not for anything, at least respect his age. See the way u talking to a 60years old man. Must you display your lack of home training I blame social media
You're right, its one of those things social media can bring.

3 Likes

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Homeboiy: 9:31pm On Mar 12, 2022
Sir, I hope say he no dey carry woman come the house because if he dey do am

Ask am money in front of a new woman that he brings home.

4 Likes

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Klass99(f): 9:36pm On Mar 12, 2022
cool

22 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Mariangeles(f): 10:09pm On Mar 12, 2022
Golan007:


After graduation, a man should leave his father's house.

Not necessarily leave, but at least support financially.

1 Like

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Mariangeles(f): 10:12pm On Mar 12, 2022
Kobojunkie:
Desusi, your son is a grown man and you and he can, as suggested here, have a grown up conversation about such things. undecided

If you don't know how, watch some American family movies to get you an idea of what you can do. undecided

Why should he do that? undecided

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Kennyprince: 10:12pm On Mar 12, 2022
He has been made too comfortable over time.


Try to be denying him some of these things u feel he should do for himself. Else your son ll become dependent even on thewoman he LL marry
Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Kobojunkie: 10:14pm On Mar 12, 2022
Mariangeles:
Why should he do that? undecided
Why should he talk to his son or why should he watch American movies to give him ideas of how to have that talk with him? undecided
Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by JONNYSPUTE(m): 10:15pm On Mar 12, 2022
Klass99:


Dude like seriously, what is your problem? How do you know he had children for selfish reasons?

I strongly disagree that he is responsible for his children till he dies. He is responsible for them up to a point where they become adults and can do adult things to take care of themselves.

The son is just an insensitive and selfish jackass, it has nothing to do with high paying jobs either. He teaches at different schools and gets paid doesn't he? What stops him from picking up a few bills around the house, after all he lives there rent free. He can pick up one bill and be consistent with it if he was sensible.

If I born this kind pikin, he will be on NL complaining every day about his wicked mother. I don't have that maternal bone in me which makes mothers (or fathers) want to lay down their lives for offsprings. I like myself too much, to be bullshitting myself like that or allowing someone else to, offspring or not.
...Let me just Lol. You won't even realize when you will be pleading with that your offspring because of the bond.
Just pray not have a stupid and selfish one.

4 Likes

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Mariangeles(f): 10:20pm On Mar 12, 2022
Kobojunkie:
Why should he talk to his son or why should he watch American movies to give him ideas of how to have that talk with him? undecided

The watch American movies part.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Klass99(f): 10:28pm On Mar 12, 2022
cool

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by JONNYSPUTE(m): 10:29pm On Mar 12, 2022
Mariangeles:


Why should he do that? undecided
....This things are not easy. The bonds between children and parents are so strong that sometimes you wouldn't even know how to express it.
This man is complaining because the money is not there and the boy himself is damn stupid and senseless not to understand that his father is managing to keep hope alive.I remember anytime I go see my dad before he passed on last year. Whenever I tell him that I'm leaving to my base,he will ask me to wait,goes inside his bedroom brings out money and say use it for fuel. I will be like,daddy from the money I gave you and he will say he knows that things are difficult in the country. I will reject and he will plead with me to take it.
He knows I have the money but the love,bond and relationship we shared still makes him see me as that his little son.
The op and his son are not really catching up well,if not,there wouldn't be a problem

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Kobojunkie: 10:30pm On Mar 12, 2022
Mariangeles:
The watch American movies part.
There are many examples of the interactions between older sons living at home with there fathers that can be found in many American movies. undecided

By watching some of those movies, he can maybe learn from them how to approach the issue as opposed to the way he has been used to interacting with them as African fathers do. undecided
Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by abokikhalifa: 10:32pm On Mar 12, 2022
Naijanascam:
Don't even think about him anymore.....live your life to the fullest Sir...if he can't reason well sale off the house and use the money to maintain yourself to live longer because that's the first thing he will sale immediately you die....

Mumu advice, he should sell his house just to drive his son away. Where will the man stay if he sells his house? He should go and become a tenant in another mans house ? From landlord to tenant.

This is how you think below.

4 Likes

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by JONNYSPUTE(m): 10:33pm On Mar 12, 2022
Klass99:


Make I follow you LOL, Jonny abeg die this yarn joor. I am self aware enough to know that I am lacking in that area/department.

Why will I be pleading with my offspring because of bond? Unto sey I carried him for 9 months in my womb? I don't have it in me o!

Las las, is he Jesus Christ? Can any child hang on a tree and die for me like Christ did? Why will I come and be killing myself on top of their matter?

They will not get me into heaven when this life is over and one of my goals is to make heaven. Neither will I be asked to give an account of my child's life, I will be asked to give an account of my own life.
....Are you being serious right now?
Na now I know say women get liver.
I have been outside my base for like 3 weeks but no day passes without me speaking with my kids for like 10 times.
If I don't call,they call. That's the bond. So you telling me this opata,I no believe am.

2 Likes

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Nobody: 10:50pm On Mar 12, 2022
Lol.. baba say "chop rite" . grin. The thing don Taya baba.

I'll say just go easy on him because its not really his fault. If not for our failed system where nothing works, he would have gotten a good job and be living on his own by now.

Pray for him that God should settle him so he can go and get a place of his own and allow you to enjoy your old age.

4 Likes

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by AgentGoat: 11:36pm On Mar 12, 2022
Tell him to start paying rent.
Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Elporo(m): 12:47am On Mar 13, 2022
Golan007:


After graduation, a man should leave his poor (financial) father's house.

I wonder where the Prince of KSA or the Prince of Wales live or who paid for the house Harry owns in Beverly Hills.

His father is complaining because he has no money.

He needs to call his old friends and hook his kid up. Simple! If he can't he needs encourage the young chap to start something.

men listen to men; but when you speak to someone in a condescending manner .. it will not work.

4 Likes

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Nobody: 1:57am On Mar 13, 2022
Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.lam over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God,l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back. As a retired man with meager money,l decided to manage a little business which barely give me much money. One of these my children,a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job. We are living in my personal house.l would single handedly pay electricity bills,lawnman,etc .My son would not want to help in any way,not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me.His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he need to change. Iam afraid even if this boy owns chop rite in future, he would not help either.
OGA send him to us in the United States. grin
Here, parents evict their kids from homes.
IF kids don't generate Revenue and are only consuming & possibly causing troubles, they are immediately ejected.
In Fact, POLICE immediately issues them a restriction order from the house.

I know it's unAfrican.
But traveling has taught me a lot.
Just same way I will never advise a struggling Young man to marry a completely jobless lady.
No one does such Abroad.

He should be encouraged to get something doing, no matter how small.
Small is far better than nothing.
May be I may have to share my story too.

7 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by errigdee: 2:14am On Mar 13, 2022
na agbaya....still acting like an unborn kid!!!!

1 Like

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Munzy14(m): 2:22am On Mar 13, 2022
Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.lam over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God,l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back. As a retired man with meager money,l decided to manage a little business which barely give me much money. One of these my children,a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job. We are living in my personal house.l would single handedly pay electricity bills,lawnman,etc .My son would not want to help in any way,not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me.His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he need to change. Iam afraid even if this boy owns chop rite in future, he would not help either.
The honest truth is that the money is not there..When a child starts earning, the first show love to their parents, before extending to a lover/life partner.

Again, it depends on how you trained them, did you raised them in a way they must accept responsibilities? Were you the type of parent that is always giving?. If so, he has become comfortable with that..

Nowadays I don't have money is no longer excuse, we have many ways of making legit money...That teaching can deceive people a lot and push the person to poverty with comfortable mind. lipsrsealed

With current economy of Nigeria, teaching that is not in the tertiary institutions shouldn't be for a man.

It is mainly a woman thing now, as she will use it to support her man.

Lastly,don't put pressure on him, some human move at their own pace...depression is real...Allow him work at his own pace and grace...Talk to him às your fellow man...He must assume responsibility now..if he can't now, I doubt if any woman can tolerate that..make him understand things he learn now, will be what he is going to live with when he marries.

6 Likes

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Esthered: 4:26am On Mar 13, 2022
Dear OP, the economy has a role to play with your son who may think his income is not enough for himself let alone contribute to the house. I think you need to be firm and allocate bills to him.
I have a cousin who graduated since 2013 and is still being fed by his single mum. He had always had an entitlement mentality which we ignored thinking it was just immature outbursts as we grew up together.
Years after graduation, he started saying the labor market favours women and never landed a good job. His younger sister graduated 2 years after him and got a job when she stormed the labor market. When I was job hunting, he always gave the excuse that white collar jobs isn't his calling....I'm going overboard.....if he's broke, na white collar job holders dey rally round for am.
He just believes he'll be rich one day, although he's an upcoming artist but we don't have money to sponsor him and get him up there. I pleaded with him to work Mondays to Fridays and use his weekends to pursue his passion as he'll have money to promote his craft to no avail.
It's tough love strategy we're trying to see if my aunt can apply to make him stand up.
You're lucky he's working but he needs to know that he has an obligation to contribute in the house as he may find it difficult to provide for his immediate family's upkeep or do so grudgingly.
Please talk to him and if he's adamant, tough love all the way.

6 Likes

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by seanwilliam(m): 5:55am On Mar 13, 2022
Homeboiy:
Sir, I hope say he no dey carry woman come the house because if he dey do am

Ask am money in front of a new woman that he brings home.
lol funny but true.





@Desusi, I’ll say since he’s working, he can fend for himself . Lock up your food, but don’t chase him out. There’s a limit on how much you can push him . Naija is hard!, it’s better for him not to contribute than make he go Dey disgrace you with bad company and bad nahavior outside o. Also give him the impression that , if you die,you owe non of them nothing! And the house is on loan!

1 Like

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Richy4(m): 6:24am On Mar 13, 2022
Munzy14:

The honest truth is that the money is not there..When a child starts earning, the first show love to their parents, before extending to a lover/life partner.

Again, it depends on how you trained them, did you raised them in a way they must accept responsibilities? Were you the type of parent that is always giving?. If so, he has become comfortable with that..

Nowadays I don't have money is no longer excuse, we have many ways of making legit money...That teaching can deceive people a lot and push the person to poverty with comfortable mind. lipsrsealed

With current economy of Nigeria, teaching that is not in the tertiary institutions shouldn't be for a man.

It is mainly a woman thing now, as she will use it to support her man.

Lastly,don't put pressure on him, some human move at their own pace...depression is real...Allow him work at his own pace and grace...Talk to him às your fellow man...He must assume responsibility now..if he can't now, I doubt if any woman can tolerate that..make him understand things he learn now, will be what he is going to live with when he marries.


Oga the money not being there is not an excuse... A son that had a liberal mind to give will make an effort to give and help the situation no matter how small...If he makes an effort with the little he has, it will give the father the assurance that if he had more based on his financial situation,he will do more... and I believe his dad wouldn't have been here to ask for solutions from his fellow young people like US ..

What about little domestic chores like mowing the lawn? Cleaning the house? Buying even an item as small as detergent powder for family use... Does that also require millions as well?...

He earns little and could not open his eyes to see a struggling father at his age, is it when he starts earning millions that he will do it?

Since he can't see the situation on ground on his own, he should be meant to see it clearly by every possible means...

12 Likes

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by ibechris(m): 6:43am On Mar 13, 2022
Golan007:


After graduation, a man should leave his father's house.


This is very true.
Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by baby124: 6:52am On Mar 13, 2022
I think it’s time for that 29yr old man to get his own accommodation since you have a child you are still training in university. It will give him an appreciation for understanding responsibility. If you don’t do this, he will get married, you will pay! His wife will move in, you will pay for her too. They will have kids, you will pay for that too. Please send that man out to experience the world and life on his own. After that, if anybody gives him something free, he will appreciate it.

6 Likes

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by jaxxy(m): 7:10am On Mar 13, 2022
Desusi:
Naira landers, kindly advise me on what to do.lam over 60 years old, a widower. By the grace of God,l was blessed with three children of which two are graduates with good grades from reputable universities here Nigeria, one is still undergraduate before the departure of my late wife some years back. As a retired man with meager money,l decided to manage a little business which barely give me much money. One of these my children,a professional, though not teacher, is currently residing with me doing teaching job in different places as part time, pending when he would get a much better job. We are living in my personal house.l would single handedly pay electricity bills,lawnman,etc .My son would not want to help in any way,not even with pure water of #10 claiming that he is with his father.Efforts to convince him to assist me is not yielding positive result, instead he would pick quarrels with me.His senior sister has married, while the junior brother is still in the school as dependant, what sort of counseling do you think he need to change. Iam afraid even if this boy owns chop rite in future, he would not help either.

He is yet to understand the concept of responsibility for himself/his life and even for others. This is partly due to upbringing. When U raise a child to be too dependent or don’t expose him to responsibility and accountability.

However he can still learn this as it will be more beneficial for him now and in the future.

Ideally he shouldn’t be living with u bt Nigeria can be funny and his mentality also plays a part.

1 Like

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Greenback: 7:12am On Mar 13, 2022
Golan007:
Eject him from the home.

Zero senses, everywhere you go grin
Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by ChybuzzDD(m): 8:16am On Mar 13, 2022
tensazangetsu20:
So long as you made the selfish decision to have children, you are completely responsible for them till you die. undecided undecided As if they are sharing high paying jobs in Nigeria.

If any man is selfish, it should be the one who decided not marry and bear children, just to enjoy his resources alone

How can a man who brought 3 other fellow humans to this world be rightly described as being selfish

Nawaoo.

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: My 29-Year-Old Son Still Wants Me To Be Feeding Him After Graduating by Nobody: 8:33am On Mar 13, 2022
shawante:
You don't want your son to enjoy you now that you're alive abi?
Well-done. You'll also have a son that you'll be taking care of till old age. Then you'll realize the pain the man is going through

1 Like

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