CSTRR:
1. I believe common sense comes with age.

2. When I took meat in my mummy's pot as a kid, my mom gave me a dirty slap. It stopped me from doing that again. Now I am older and I know why stealing from pot is bad.

3. Common sense is an individual thing. There is no common sense in allowing a trans-man compete in a female swimming competition. Where is the common sense when a US supreme Court nominee cannot give a correct and simple definition of a woman so as not to offend some people?

GloriousGbola:
https://mentalhealthliteracy.org/product/adhd-evaluation-form-parent-teacher-version-assessment/

Start here.

Of course you will see the words mental health and freak out. This is the real reason your wife does not want any testing.

No oyibo madness for my pikin. Not my portion. I am too blessed for any of the devil's curses etc etc

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then.....

.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

GloriousGbola:
This is why Nigerians cannot be counted on to follow simple traffic rule if these is no threat of violence.

That is the end result of the celebration of beating. Also why several Nigerians are celebrating the bully ceo.

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kid

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

wisemum:
Mental disorders are on the increase with international research showing that mental disorder is more prevalent in male black children linked to taking the measles vaccination before the age of 2 years.

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

wisemum:
The Nigeria of today is not the Nigeria you were brought up in. Mental disorders are on the increase with international research showing that mental disorder is more prevalent in male black children linked to taking the measles vaccination before the age of 2 years. Symptoms start showing from the age of 6 in the young black male child with irregular behaviors and autistic symptoms. For some strange reasons, it has not shown up in the female black children nor has it been detected in white children whether male or female.
So you might be dealing with something that is beyond good or bad parenting but needing more professional help.

klassyguy:


I came here for advice on how to tackle a problem, not for a lecture on whether I am doing a good job of raising my kids. I've raised my kids the best way I feel. Not everyone is perfect. Sometimes you need inputs of other parents. Most of the time when I flog him, he behaves. His teacher has told me on several occasions he behaves after I "talk" to him, but it is not all the time one should spank a kid when he misbehaves. Training kids is not only achieved at home. They also have to learn and be corrected in school where their parents are not present, and that's where teachers come in.

As for the test, if you read my initial post, I clearly mentioned I AM OPEN TO TAKING HIM FOR AN ADHD TEST. It's my wife that's against it. I can't do that without her input and support. How would you feel if your spouse goes behind your back to do something with both your kids without your support and knowledge?

Drenimarcus:


You live in the state of 10,000 lakes?

wisemum:
From your responses, I get the impression you are not very ready to take objective advice contrary to what you have in your own head. Regardless, I will still try to help you the best way I can.

Your son is exhibiting symptoms of ADHD and some signs of being autistic. He needs early diagnosis to help him. Your wife is in denial and that's why she's refusing the test. Bringing him back to Nigeria will never help, instead it will worsen him.

The Nigeria of today is not the Nigeria you were brought up in. Mental disorders are on the increase with international research showing that mental disorder is more prevalent in male black children linked to taking the measles vaccination before the age of 2 years. Symptoms start showing from the age of 6 in the young black male child with irregular behaviors and autistic symptoms. For some strange reasons, it has not shown up in the female black children nor has it been detected in white children whether male or female.
So you might be dealing with something that is beyond good or bad parenting but needing more professional help.

Getting professional help is easier in the country where you live than in Nigeria. Here in Nigeria, such youths become discouraged and eventually turn to drugs, become suicidal, going down the wrong pathway entirely. The teachers you are relying upon to do the job for you are themselves frustrated. This is the Nigeria of today. It's different from your own Nigeria when you were growing up. Don't be deceived.

Please stay in the US. Seek professional help for your son. I hope you will be able to rule your own jungle and get your wife to trust you and your decisions. Being diagnosed with ADHD or autism doesn't mean the child cannot go on to be what he will be in life. In fact, most times, these kids with ADHD are very brilliant children and they are specially gifted. You probably would even have noticed it in your son already. Professor Imafidon is an example. Your son needs help so he can find that pathway for himself later on in life. But you need to intervene early.

Good luck and God's wisdom to you as you handle this special child.

byrron:


Parents and trained specialists are the only one's competent to make valid contributions on this very important issue you brought up and shouldn't be an avenue for conjectures.

I read this piece and I felt you knew my 6 year old son and decided to write about him.

This seems to be an epidemic with some kids within 4-6 year old here in the United States and it is more prevalent with boys within that age group.

The lock down along with having to wear a face mask for long hours of each day while at school was also a massive disruption to everyone's life with more impacts on kids which we're still waiting for the studies on the psychological effect it had on kids and adults as well.

My son is currently riding on the same boat with your son and I'm being called upon on a daily basis from his school about his disruptive behavior.

He can read fluently, he loves his maths facts and he is super-smart but he only wants to do anything at his own time.

He easily gets distracted and can't stay on task.

His school was leaning towards the idea that he has ADHD but I quickly reminded them that only a physician has the right and training to diagnose someone and it is illegal here in the United States for someone without such qualifications to diagnose another person and the school authorities apologized by writing series of letters just to ensure I don't take it up legally against the school which I'm not interested on doing anyways.

I understood their frustrations but I also know that they are trained and paid to do their job's just like me and all they need do is work with the parents and utilize all the resources at their disposal to help any child that need's accommodations ( not accommodation by Nigerians interpretation of accommodation - lol).

He tells his teachers to be quite and once told the principal that she is being rude to him (6yr old boy oo).

I had a meeting with the school psychologist for initial assessment and I had an honest conversation and concerns about my son who seems to be uncontrollable while at school but not while a home.

It seems as if there is something triggering his disruptive behavior once he gets to school but not while at home and I will be bringing this up during his upcoming behavioral appointment since the school environment and the teacher's might also be the problem or triggers and something needs to be done about it.

I shared my concerns with other parents that are Nigerians and they all said the same thing that their son's were once like that but they overcame such behavior when they became older.

I took my son to see his pediatrician and she evaluated him and said nothing was wrong with him but I insisted for him to get a referral to see a behavioral therapist which she granted.

My son had his first virtual appointment with a behavioral therapist for his initial assessment and will be having his in-person appointment where he will be observed for 5 hour's.

I can relate with your experiences and it is really challenging considering the fact that they're very young.

My son is very audacious, bold and communicates his feelings but super energetic, restless, assertive and won't want to stay in class and do his school work and always running around the school hallway. It takes 3 to 4 teachers to go chasing him on a daily basis which is also a drain on the school resources.

The only advice you need is the one from a behavioral therapist that specializes on kids.

Your son needs an in-person assessment and it just might be that their are triggers to watch out for and things to do to get him the desired help and it may also be that he needs a one-on-one educational accommodation which the school can provide once there is an order from a psychologist that will be sent to the educational board in charge of the zone or district your son's school is located.

I will insist during my son's in-person appointment on non-medicational therapy because, I understand the system very well were some doctors here in the United States are nothing but affiliate marketers to big pharmaceutical companies.

Some of them prescribe medications when it is not necessary because of the cuts they get from the pharmaceutical companies that manufacturers these drug's.

Make a behavioral appointment with a pediatrics psychologist for him ASAP.

Wishing you and your son the very best positive outcome.

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

angelo5uk:
Can't even remember the last time I post here on Nairaland but because of you I had to reset my password.
1.) Stop hitting that boy. That's a very horrible thing you can do to a boy like him? How dare you. Do you even know what's going on in that boys brain. He could be experiencing sensory overload 24-7 and you should be looking for ways to understand him better instead of making things worse. Things he loves doing and all that. The soccer is a good idea, Still give him some time. Even though he doesn't like it now, don't be surprised if he turns out to be the best player eventually

2.) Was he late in talking or speech development? If that's the case. Please read The Einstein Syndrome (Bright Children Who Talk Late) by Thomas Sowell

3.) Do you a history of engineers or people in analytical occupations in your family?

4.) Don't ever make the mistake of taking that boy to Nigeria. That's the most stupid thing you will do as a parent. It's even annoying that you're considering that in the first place. He can get all the behavioral care and therapy he needs here in the US.

5.) He'll probably be diagnosed with ADHD, PPDNOS, or Autism but please no matter what don't ever make the mistake of putting him on medication. Its way too early for that. I've been diagnosed with ADHD so I know what I'm talking about.

6.) Be very careful please. That little boy could be a genius and your actions could suppress the genius in him. If you take him to Nigeria where they have zero clue on how to manage kids like him and they'll just reformat his brain to conformity

7.) So with all the resources that you have access to in the US, Nairaland and Nigerians are the ones you're seeking advise from? .. Very strage. It makes your parents tactics questionable. Like you're trying to escape from your parental responsibilities. I do have a son currently on behavioral therapy and I can't even fathom the idea of sending him to Nigeria. Horrible Idea

8.) Again. That boy could be a genius in the making and you should be researching information from reliable sources on how to reenforce his strengths and work on his weaknesses instead of coming here on nairaland where people will tell you to seek spiritual help ���

Brogrammer:


Hey OP, why is your wife against going for the test... The earlier you do the test the better.

klassyguy:


Taking him for a test is not my problem. Their mother is against it. I cannot do that without her support. And the thought of moving to Nigeria was just a thought. We both have been chewing on that for a while now. Raising kids in this environment, particularly in today's US, is not as easy as you think. When I grew up in Nigeria, I had teachers who would flog the daylights out of you for misbehaving in class, and once you get home, you will get additional cane. I know how many times my dad broke cables on my back for misbehaving in school, and that is after I got punished by my teachers. Those beatings straightened me out and made me who I am today. Here, teachers cannot lay their hands on kids as they can be arrested for abusing the child. I've seen it play out several times and it is not pretty. Even the good ol' "ass whopping" families give their kids when they misbehave is frowned on as one nosy neighbor can call child services and report that you're abusing your kids.

klassyguy:


I came here for advice on how to tackle a problem, not for a lecture on whether I am doing a good job of raising my kids. I've raised my kids the best way I feel. Not everyone is perfect. Sometimes you need inputs of other parents. Most of the time when I flog him, he behaves. His teacher has told me on several occasions he behaves after I "talk" to him, but it is not all the time one should spank a kid when he misbehaves. Training kids is not only achieved at home. They also have to learn and be corrected in school where their parents are not present, and that's where teachers come in.

As for the test, if you read my initial post, I clearly mentioned I AM OPEN TO TAKING HIM FOR AN ADHD TEST. It's my wife that's against it. I can't do that without her input and support. How would you feel if your spouse goes behind your back to do something with both your kids without your support and knowledge?

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

klassyguy:


I came here for advice on how to tackle a problem, not for a lecture on whether I am doing a good job of raising my kids. I've raised my kids the best way I feel. Not everyone is perfect. Sometimes you need inputs of other parents. Most of the time when I flog him, he behaves. His teacher has told me on several occasions he behaves after I "talk" to him, but it is not all the time one should spank a kid when he misbehaves. Training kids is not only achieved at home. They also have to learn and be corrected in school where their parents are not present, and that's where teachers come in.

As for the test, if you read my initial post, I clearly mentioned I AM OPEN TO TAKING HIM FOR AN ADHD TEST. It's my wife that's against it. I can't do that without her input and support. How would you feel if your spouse goes behind your back to do something with both your kids without your support and knowledge?

georgee:
I have a 4yr old who is very restless, he solves addition and subtraction from his head, he started spelling 5 letter words as early as 2 1/2yrs.. But he behaves well in school, does his school work well, but scatters the whole house.. He is happy when the whole house is in dissary.. He doesn't talk much, but he get wahala oo

My brother, your boy will change with age.. Most people here on this thread are bachelors and spinster or single parents who knows next to nothing about raising kids.

I repeat, your boy will change with age

Igbofam:


Maybe your wife is against it because she feels the ADHD test involves carrying out a DNA test first.....just saying...

byrron:


This statement is 100% valid.

CSTRR:

I believe common sense comes with age.

When I took meat in my mummy's pot as a kid, my mom gave me a dirty slap.
It stopped me from doing that again.

Now I am older and I know why stealing from pot is bad.

Common sense is an individual thing.

There is no common sense in allowing a trans-man compete in a female swimming competition.

Where is the common sense when a US supreme Court nominee cannot give a correct and simple definition of a woman so as not to offend some people?