jimmychang:
Your living yet you are dead inside

To add you stayed there for too long no matter what you should have get rid of her nonsense long time, now she is taking liberties with you, most these days women will want this collecting here and there (eat their cake and have it) but they are scared with action men then they maintain lane it becomes the num. In nutshell untied yourself from this nonsense woman.

Cassahav:
calm down[b] love is real[/b]

From your Yearns.....it will Take a Long Time to recover....

YourFavEvangeli:


Lol, she's his babymama of 20yrs

I swear I tire. This is what every commenter did not see. Make a baby mama out of a young girl for 20 years! He is 40+, she is prolly in her mid 30s. Minus 20 years, it means she was in her teenage years With all her innocence when she met this unfortunate human being and he took her on an inglorious 20 years ride. For 1,2,3,4,5,10 years, no good reason was found to define the situationship properly. Just sexual gratification and childbearing. She can’t tell if she is his fiancée or boyfriend or fwb. Oya let her go and find her life, you selfishly won’t. The Op is a manipulative devil and ended up breaking the lady who is now stuck in time and dilemma.

sisisioge:
It's unfortunate that you had to marry and stay married to your oga....hian! Your description of the situation is close to being annoying! I am guessing she earns more, she is better placed and you are both abroad. Nonsense and ingredients.

Give it another decade, she may slow down or you may have completely burnt-out without caring anyone. Isiewu!

You are one of the few that got the right interpretation of the write-up.

MaziOfPH:
Obviously you haven't dedicated your life to something or someone 100% before, you can't even fully love yourself how could anyone expect you to give out genuine love

Youre dumb at 40 to think love is the only thing you consider in a relationship.

I guess you're not a man of substance cos she wouldn't have the audacity to declare the relationship open if you were man enough.

Ditch the B1tch and find someone who genuinely wanna be with you

Cassahav:


okay junkie

You sure say nor be cruise you dey catch? This emoji does not seem like one who is broken and needs help.

Cassahav:

I am a fortysomething man in a long-term relationship – nearly 20 years – and have two children. For the past 10 years my partner has been having short-term lovers. These were clandestine, but more recently she has stopped hiding, called our relationship “open”, and currently has a lover who I do know about. But this “open relationship” can only be one-sided, because she is jealous and suspicious while I am basically not polyamorous. So why stay together? We get on, communicate well (other than the no-go zone of her other love life), rarely argue, are bonded by bringing up our children and are financially tied together.

However, the years of suppressing my emotions – of jealousy, rejection, insecurity, being lied to – have left me broken. Sex (which we still occasionally do have) has become stressed: if I don’t perform enthusiastically, it will justify her seeking other lovers. Also, I am expected to remain sexually attracted to her, which gets more difficult when I know she’s been with someone else recently. We had frank talks when she offered to end her extramarital affairs and be monogamous with me – or plan how we might separate without affecting our children. We were both very upset, as we are very much still in love, and wish the sex side of our relationship wasn’t such a terrible mess.

But it has occurred to me that I am emotionally and sexually broken after this past decade. If I was single again – or my partner was to become monogamous with me again – I don’t think I would be a viable person to be in a relationship with. How do I start to repair myself, inside or outside this relationship?

Any advice would be cool.

I understand how u feel brother. I will suggest u leave the house for her.. Get another place, but do not cheat with other women. Put yourself together with time u will be fine..

Just listen to the tale of this dead brain. In Nigeria where men own all the edge, just imagine this foolish soul in America se this fool no go wash mensuration pant for the ashana he calls a partner.

Cassahav:

LadyTara:
You sure say nor be cruise you dey catch? This emoji does not seem like one who is broken and needs help.

I felt so too.I think the story might be real but it's not his.

Cassahav:

I am a fortysomething man in a long-term relationship – nearly 20 years – and have two children. For the past 10 years my partner has been having short-term lovers. These were clandestine, but more recently she has stopped hiding, called our relationship “open”, and currently has a lover who I do know about. But this “open relationship” can only be one-sided, because she is jealous and suspicious while I am basically not polyamorous. So why stay together? We get on, communicate well (other than the no-go zone of her other love life), rarely argue, are bonded by bringing up our children and are financially tied together.

However, the years of suppressing my emotions – of jealousy, rejection, insecurity, being lied to – have left me broken. Sex (which we still occasionally do have) has become stressed: if I don’t perform enthusiastically, it will justify her seeking other lovers. Also, I am expected to remain sexually attracted to her, which gets more difficult when I know she’s been with someone else recently. We had frank talks when she offered to end her extramarital affairs and be monogamous with me – or plan how we might separate without affecting our children. We were both very upset, as we are very much still in love, and wish the sex side of our relationship wasn’t such a terrible mess.

But it has occurred to me that I am emotionally and sexually broken after this past decade. If I was single again – or my partner was to become monogamous with me again – I don’t think I would be a viable person to be in a relationship with. How do I start to repair myself, inside or outside this relationship?

Any advice would be cool.

THERAPY. You've stated the fact before you can be vialable to your emotional self or someone else, you need to come to terms with all that's happened and be able to walk away from all a better person.

I've recently ended a 16yr relationship/marriage and I can identify with you on many terms.

Staying in a broken marriage without fixing the issues just lead to more broken souls. Not good for anyone; individually, as a couple or the kids. And truly there is more to life than living one below par. Be free

Joanney:
I felt so too.I think the story might be real but it's not his.

my thoughts too. I think it's just a copy and paste story to draw traffic.

Cassahav:

I am a fortysomething man in a long-term relationship – nearly 20 years – and have two children. For the past 10 years my partner has been having short-term lovers. These were clandestine, but more recently she has stopped hiding, called our relationship “open”, and currently has a lover who I do know about. But this “open relationship” can only be one-sided, because she is jealous and suspicious while I am basically not polyamorous. So why stay together? We get on, communicate well (other than the no-go zone of her other love life), rarely argue, are bonded by bringing up our children and are financially tied together.

However, the years of suppressing my emotions – of jealousy, rejection, insecurity, being lied to – have left me broken. Sex (which we still occasionally do have) has become stressed: if I don’t perform enthusiastically, it will justify her seeking other lovers. Also, I am expected to remain sexually attracted to her, which gets more difficult when I know she’s been with someone else recently. We had frank talks when she offered to end her extramarital affairs and be monogamous with me – or plan how we might separate without affecting our children. We were both very upset, as we are very much still in love, and wish the sex side of our relationship wasn’t such a terrible mess.

But it has occurred to me that I am emotionally and sexually broken after this past decade. If I was single again – or my partner was to become monogamous with me again – I don’t think I would be a viable person to be in a relationship with. How do I start to repair myself, inside or outside this relationship?

Any advice would be cool.

Have you thought about seeing a psychotherapist

Op, u're mentally not fit to be known as a man. Anyway, just a fool at 40. Nonsense post.

Cassahav:
calm down love is real

What's left is for you to die for her, Jack for Titanic no do pass Lai this o. Maybe when u are dead n gone, u would understand that whatever u guys shared was long dead. Pls schedule a meeting with a psychologist ASAP. U need serious n immediate help.

Cassahav:

I am a fortysomething man in a long-term relationship – nearly 20 years – and have two children. For the past 10 years my partner has been having short-term lovers. These were clandestine, but more recently she has stopped hiding, called our relationship “open”, and currently has a lover who I do know about. But this “open relationship” can only be one-sided, because she is jealous and suspicious while I am basically not polyamorous. So why stay together? We get on, communicate well (other than the no-go zone of her other love life), rarely argue, are bonded by bringing up our children and are financially tied together.

However, the years of suppressing my emotions – of jealousy, rejection, insecurity, being lied to – have left me broken. Sex (which we still occasionally do have) has become stressed: if I don’t perform enthusiastically, it will justify her seeking other lovers. Also, I am expected to remain sexually attracted to her, which gets more difficult when I know she’s been with someone else recently. We had frank talks when she offered to end her extramarital affairs and be monogamous with me – or plan how we might separate without affecting our children. We were both very upset, as we are very much still in love, and wish the sex side of our relationship wasn’t such a terrible mess.

But it has occurred to me that I am emotionally and sexually broken after this past decade. If I was single again – or my partner was to become monogamous with me again – I don’t think I would be a viable person to be in a relationship with. How do I start to repair myself, inside or outside this relationship?

Any advice would be cool.

Go for therapy

Cassahav:


Omo i understand the situation but i guess you be single man do you really know what love is??

Oga this is not love. In fact, OP doesn't love and value himself

Op sorry for bringing this up ,but is dis open relationship of yours one-sided? like are you not into other girls during the process?,just a bit confused dats why I ask ,is your partner de only one doing de open thing?

Oga you deserved to be insulted seriously. At forty something a woman is still using you to play like a toy. I hate it when men give the excuse of love to be foolish. You’re not man enough, you’re only giving excuse of love to justify your manlessness. Is that woman the first woman to give birth to children for a man or is she the only woman alive?? A woman is openly cheating on you without fear or favour and you’re still in that mess of a relationship or whatever with her. Don’t leave that woman and find your happiness elsewhere. Stay there you hear! I pity you sha.

You can't eat your cake and have it. Women are reflection of what you are or what you allow them to become .

Cassahav:

Your only crime is that YOU have BETRAYED yourself and hurt yourself, throughout these many years, for NOTHING! Cut her lose completely, and cut-off all ties with her from now on.

It is better to live and die alone than to be stuck with someone that is so miserable that their very presence upsets your person so much to the extent that you begin to hate yourself.

Simple matter bro. Just take a break. Take a 1 year break to clear your head and try see her after that. Modern relationship need modern medicine. So live separately for one year or two then try to win each other over again from the scratch.

HardMirror:
people like you are habitual liars that is why you think everyone is a liar

Lol. Habitual liar ko, perpetual liar ni! Same pattern of story everyday on Nairaland, and your brain refused to think that most of the stories are made up. NL is male dominated and filled with women hating men, so any story that will degrade women is highly welcome here. This type of story brings traffic to the forum. Una go get brain but, you
refused to use it.

naaaa, this fake twitter stories

Tosin9119:

Lol. Habitual liar ko, perpetual liar ni! Same pattern of story everyday on Nairaland, and your brain refused to think that most of the stories are made up. NL is male dominated and filled with women hating men, so any story that will degrade women is highly welcome here. This type of story brings traffic to the forum. Una go get brain but, you
refused to use it.

madam, it is true people tell lies and you must be one of them

This is a made up story cos I don't believe any man in Nigeria would knowingly tolerate his wife having other lovers

rickleye:


Will smith , is this you homie ?

HardMirror:
madam, it is true people tell lies and you must be one of them

For the fact that you agree it's a lie, thank you. Any other thing you said is jara. Have a nice day

Cassahav:

I am a fortysomething man in a long-term relationship – nearly 20 years – and have two children. For the past 10 years my partner has been having short-term lovers. These were clandestine, but more recently she has stopped hiding, called our relationship “open”, and currently has a lover who I do know about. But this “open relationship” can only be one-sided, because she is jealous and suspicious while I am basically not polyamorous. So why stay together? We get on, communicate well (other than the no-go zone of her other love life), rarely argue, are bonded by bringing up our children and are financially tied together.

However, the years of suppressing my emotions – of jealousy, rejection, insecurity, being lied to – have left me broken. Sex (which we still occasionally do have) has become stressed: if I don’t perform enthusiastically, it will justify her seeking other lovers. Also, I am expected to remain sexually attracted to her, which gets more difficult when I know she’s been with someone else recently. We had frank talks when she offered to end her extramarital affairs and be monogamous with me – or plan how we might separate without affecting our children. We were both very upset, as we are very much still in love, and wish the sex side of our relationship wasn’t such a terrible mess.

But it has occurred to me that I am emotionally and sexually broken after this past decade. If I was single again – or my partner was to become monogamous with me again – I don’t think I would be a viable person to be in a relationship with. How do I start to repair myself, inside or outside this relationship?

Any advice would be cool.

I would like to hear her version of the story.

You will hear from my native doctor

Cassahav:

I am a fortysomething man in a long-term relationship – nearly 20 years – and have two children. For the past 10 years my partner has been having short-term lovers. These were clandestine, but more recently she has stopped hiding, called our relationship “open”, and currently has a lover who I do know about. But this “open relationship” can only be one-sided, because she is jealous and suspicious while I am basically not polyamorous. So why stay together? We get on, communicate well (other than the no-go zone of her other love life), rarely argue, are bonded by bringing up our children and are financially tied together.

However, the years of suppressing my emotions – of jealousy, rejection, insecurity, being lied to – have left me broken. Sex (which we still occasionally do have) has become stressed: if I don’t perform enthusiastically, it will justify her seeking other lovers. Also, I am expected to remain sexually attracted to her, which gets more difficult when I know she’s been with someone else recently. We had frank talks when she offered to end her extramarital affairs and be monogamous with me – or plan how we might separate without affecting our children. We were both very upset, as we are very much still in love, and wish the sex side of our relationship wasn’t such a terrible mess.

But it has occurred to me that I am emotionally and sexually broken after this past decade. If I was single again – or my partner was to become monogamous with me again – I don’t think I would be a viable person to be in a relationship with. How do I start to repair myself, inside or outside this relationship?

Any advice would be cool.

As a man, if you accept and continued to love a WHÓRE who has constantly broke you, slap you, cheat on you with no regards and still has the audacity to guilt-trip, gaslight and manipulate you into sticking with her alone, then you have no value in life. HOW DO YOU EVEN GET ERECTION WITH A WHÓRE?

Cassahav:


Omo i understand the situation but i guess you be single man do you really know what love is??

That's not love, that's stupidity! A one-sided love is a stupid one and can never sustain any relationship because the other partner would keep exploiting it.
A relationship ends the moment any of the partner cheats: it even ends faster if the cheater is the female because a cheating woman can also be a murderer.
U played with your life for such a long time. Chai!