₦airaland Forum

zed7:
Wow, first time I'm hearing of a Nigerian man being alcohol dependent. The average African man knows how to handle his drinks.
Anyway, if the story is true, fasting and praying wouldn't stop it. Your husband needs to go to rehab.

You are not African, are you?,

kazyhm:
When a husband is having issues, fellow women advice dissolution of the marriage

When the table is on the opposite side, men advice the man should manup and take responsibility.


Marriage is a progressive work....not a destination.

You dey mind the stupid idiot wey comment before you ...
Abeg collect grace for your last statement got me...

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

Don't give up.
Why not consider taking him to a Rehab.

If alcohol is his only problem,

Then solve it together.

.Get him admitted to a Psychiatry for at least one month
Where he'll be chained and have no access to alcohol
He should be monitored closely.
Make sure he's fed properly
He'll be fine

Wishing you the best.

Beremx, is that you?

He needs rehab where he Wld stay there and live there for a year. without access to alcohol or controlled reduction in dosage over time till he stops even if it’s for one year. You can be allowed to pay him visits same as his family within that period. Give it a try. It’s the only thing that would work. After all he isn’t contributing to the finances at the moment

Augustwife:
.

This is a difficult situation because addiction is involved. Still try the rehab for him. The only solution for him is to still be rehabilitated in a facility. Solution for you is temporal separation which may affect him more and in the long run the kids and both families.

Not so sure of what advise to give. But I'm sure there must be one or two persons who were once into such addiction and overcame it. I hope you meet them so they can tell you how they came out from the addiction gallantly.
I believe applying same approach they used might just be helpful.

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

If he is willing to change tell him to start listening to Joshua Selman messages.
You will thank me forever I promise you.

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

Women start to talk like this when they believe they have seen a better option of a guy....

What kind of a human being are you?

If the man was good to her before the onset of this addiction then I suggest she does her best to get him through this.

FERNANDEZISBACK:
File for a divorce and take care of your life..it's obvious he doesn't wanna change..let him drink himself to d**th if that will make him feel great..
Y've done your Best..

I don't know why people get addicted to alcohol (beer) I can take bottles still in sanity, occasionally too

What is your husband even drinking to be in debt of almost 200k this story no complete

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

If you are not the type that prays, you better start now! I doubt if it's alcohol that makes him shiver, he does drugs too. Take this particular case to God while you do the medical part.

Addiction of any sort is bad and here is an example of the result.

Madam, I really appreciate your dogedness. I appreciate the love you have for your family. I appreciate the kind words used in your message. You a woman of substance and rare in this generation.

Ma, your husband is going through something you have not discovered. He needs rehabilitation where he won't have access to the alcohol or other stuffs he consumes. During rehabilitation, he would be properly assessed and I believe intervention will deduce what exactly is cause of his addiction.

He needs your help more than ever. If you stay in the South West, I can recommend rehab homes for you that treat service users like your hubby. Let him be checked into a rehabilitation home for proper assessment. Also, don't rule out the spiritual aspect. Silent prayers can also do the magic.

Any further assistance will be provided upon request here on nairaland.

God bless and keep your home,ma

kazyhm:
Did you called me boy ?

What's the deal about being called a boy? Do you see as an insult qomething mike that? I am just curious...

Parisian:
What kind of a human being are you?

Am I one?

FERNANDEZISBACK:
If it was working would she have created this thread?if it was would she have laid a complaint and go to her momma's house?
Be real with yaself boy.. marriage ain't a do or die nonsense..

You're very rude with that statement. You need to respect people even tho it's a faceless forum.
I've met young person's on this forum and elderly man also.

Your advice to that lady extreme what they should do for now is saprate not divorce.

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

if you love him, Give him one more chance. Help him and if he can't then leave him atkeast temporarily try to see how you can help from afar and if he's bent on destruction, move on

FERNANDEZISBACK:
You better file a divorce for your sanity..if he's hell bent then dish him in the waste bin before he ruin your life completely..
Do that asap and stop managing yourself cos of some nonsense love you have for him..that guy is gonna wreck you and your future with his addiction..

You are better off single than being with a futureles boozer..

For better for worse is not a meaningless oath especially where kids are involved.

Since you know the husband why not complete the story.

"More to the story" crew.

07kjb:
I don't know why people get addicted to alcohol (beer) I can take bottles still in sanity, occasionally too

What is your husband even drinking to be in debt of almost 200k this story no complete

Let me advice you on what to do to him, I know what you are passing through right now, any time he his dronk, go and make arrangements with mortuary attendance, drop him there to sleep with the dead bodies and wake there and sleep again, and ask the mortuary attendance never to open door for him, after that he will never try it again nonsense man.

tollyboy5:
You're very rude with that statement. You need to respect people even tho it's a faceless forum.
I've met young person's on this forum and elderly man also.

Your advice to that lady extreme what they should do for now is saprate not divorce.

Pls keep mute and slide off..

Funflipper:
What's the deal about being called a boy? Do you see as an insult qomething mike that? I am just curious...

There is nothing there because you might be a br@t

de

That's d cross in marriage which u confirmed "for better or worse" it's a marriage cross genuine families go through

kazyhm:
When a husband is having issues, fellow women advice dissolution of the marriage

When the table is on the opposite side, men advice the man should manup and take responsibility.


Marriage is a progressive work....not a destination.

You might be right. But the down side is when you don't know if things are going to ever be normal again. Look at what happened to the late Osinachi. And I'm sure there are a ton of women out there managing their marriage. As for me, she should try talking to him and exhaust every possible avenue doing that. And when it fails, abeg pack your things make you run. Nor be your mama wear your shoe o. Your mental health first before anything.

When things are not normal don't be normal,all you need to do is seek the face of the Almighty because there is nothing impossible in the hand of Yeshua Hamashiac,just believe in him

Augustwife:
On several occasions I have asked maybe it's something I am doing wrong or not doing at all but he keeps saying it's not me it is him. God knows I have tried my best to be a good partner/wife. I have no other excuse to leave aside from his addiction. Won't it be that I am leaving him because of a problem.
For the first time in 5 years I spoke to my mom about this(I didn't want any member of my family to know so they won't loose respect for him as I was really hopeful he would change), But i can't talk to her about it again, she would only ask me to pray that's why I am here on nairaland. I just want to hear other people's opinion and make the best decision especially for my children

Don't leave him, stand by him,Love him more and you both will overcome. This is a cross you must carry and Jesus Christ is always there to help you. Always study the word with him and profess same to his life and situation. It is well with you.

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

This might be a spiritual attack. Have you prayed about this?

Have the therapist used antabuse to treat him?
Alcohol dependency/abuse is a serious mental health problem and should be treated as such