₦airaland Forum

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Most of us are not dear

Wisejohnson47:
I am not enjoying my marriage at all.

Wisejohnson47:
I am not enjoying my marriage at all.

who u marry..una nor date..or na arrangee..sorry for this so painful..this means i must be a lucky man o...i thank God for my caring wife..no issues at all..but i pray God makes it right for you..pls dont tolottate an abusive mariage its better to walk away.incase of infidelity talk to an elder in his family or her family.u will be fine dear..hold on..it is well amen

Divoc19:
Great info here but can we really run away from that curse

Rather than run away from the curse, Jesus Christ, God's salvation to us from the curse, said we are to no longer live under have curse. He stipulated that those who are of the Kingdom of God are to submit to no other master/Head, leader/authority, Teacher, etc., but Him alone. - Matthew 23 vs 8 - 10. & Matthew 20 vs 20 - 28 & John 10 vs 1 - 16 .....

So anyone who for example chooses to submit in marriage choose the curse over Jesus and and by doing so forfeits God's promise of salvation.

bukatyne:
I can imagine how his marriage is/how his wife really feels.

The thread says: share what advise YOU would give YOUR younger self about marriage from your experience.

Baba wrote a 10 pager advise to women.

What lesson has he learnt for himself in his marriage?

What has he learnt for himself to become a better husband?

the post sounded like someone that resorted to sleeping outside cos he has issues with his wife

Wisejohnson47:
I am not enjoying my marriage at all.

Why exactly, if I may ask?

This thread was going to be a beautiful thread judging from the comments on the first page

Boom! From the second page, it began to get derailed because those with entitlement mentality invaded

UyaiIncomparabl:
He should be a male going by the tone of his post.

But you pple I don’t understand you guys
Didn’t you read the passage carefully
When I first met my husband, shows she’s a woman of maturity and understanding
Even her writing shows she’s a lady yet you guys keep asking of the genders

Angela62:
I am married for about a decade now, and I am enjoying my marriage. Honestly, if the worse happens and I became a widow, I will not marry any other man, I will train my kids alone. That is how much I love my husband and cherish my marriage. Since childhood, I have always been close to my grandmother, I grew up with her since my mum died when I was a child. I learned a lot from her. I can still remember the advice she gave to me when I wanted to marry my husband, and I will tell you exactly that.

1. Look at the qualities and characters of the man you want to marry. Most ''shine shine'' men, as my grandma will put it are not the real men. `Just as sugar is sweet but unhealthy, lots of men are like that. That bricklayer that sends his mum money in the village every month, that doesn't go to a club, doesn't smoke and buy expensive designers, he might not even give you butterflies, those are the real men. Ten years from now when you are pregnant with your third child, his masculinity will be like an umbrella to protect, provide and be the best father for your kids.

But you see those ones that are doing fine boys only, care more about the phone they use and the girl they sleep with this weekend than their future, those you must avoid. They may be attractive now, but when the difficulties of marriage come especially financially, then you realize that truly, internal beauty (characters and virtues) is what keeps marriage. So do not sacrifice the future due to your youthful exuberance.

2. Look at his patterns, those are the secrets to his future and of course, your future. Does he wakes up and go to work every day? What is the relationship he has with his family? How does he handle stress? is he hardworking? Do people around him respect him? Where does he go after work? What is your assessment of his friends? `What are his goals? etc. You might be clouded with feelings with this assessment especially when you are in love, so you might ask people you trust for advice. I saw this thread some few years ago by pansophist, where he wrote about qualities you should look for in a man for marriage, I implore you to check it out. The guy is on point. As I read through it, I kept nodding my head in affirmation because my husband easily covered all these qualities.

https://www.nairaland.com/6257463/part-two-traits-woman-should

Also when I first met my husband, I wasn't that interested. He appears so ordinary (if you know what I mean), but as I scratch further, the depth of his manliness opens up. I was not attracted at first, but everything fell into place, and I was glad I didn't just brush him away. But I couldn't see his qualities quickly, it was my grandma that pointed it all out. So you should really have someone older, that have walked the talk of marriage, to advise and guide you.

3. Support him. Men are at their best when their wive are supportive. For example, my husband never asks me about my income, but every of my penny goes to my household. The idea that a man has to carry all the financial responsibilities is a self-defeating adventure. Such a woman punishes herself due to her short-sightedness and selfishness by reducing her worth in his eyes, making her easily replaceable.

Your type don finish oo, you husband is so lucky. I pray I find your kind of woman.

Angela62:
I am married for about a decade now, and I am enjoying my marriage. Honestly, if the worse happens and I became a widow, I will not marry any other man, I will train my kids alone. That is how much I love my husband and cherish my marriage. Since childhood, I have always been close to my grandmother, I grew up with her since my mum died when I was a child. I learned a lot from her. I can still remember the advice she gave to me when I wanted to marry my husband, and I will tell you exactly that.

1. Look at the qualities and characters of the man you want to marry. Most ''shine shine'' men, as my grandma will put it are not the real men. `Just as sugar is sweet but unhealthy, lots of men are like that. That bricklayer that sends his mum money in the village every month, that doesn't go to a club, doesn't smoke and buy expensive designers, he might not even give you butterflies, those are the real men. Ten years from now when you are pregnant with your third child, his masculinity will be like an umbrella to protect, provide and be the best father for your kids.

But you see those ones that are doing fine boys only, care more about the phone they use and the girl they sleep with this weekend than their future, those you must avoid. They may be attractive now, but when the difficulties of marriage come especially financially, then you realize that truly, internal beauty (characters and virtues) is what keeps marriage. So do not sacrifice the future due to your youthful exuberance.

2. Look at his patterns, those are the secrets to his future and of course, your future. Does he wakes up and go to work every day? What is the relationship he has with his family? How does he handle stress? is he hardworking? Do people around him respect him? Where does he go after work? What is your assessment of his friends? `What are his goals? etc. You might be clouded with feelings with this assessment especially when you are in love, so you might ask people you trust for advice. I saw this thread some few years ago by pansophist, where he wrote about qualities you should look for in a man for marriage, I implore you to check it out. The guy is on point. As I read through it, I kept nodding my head in affirmation because my husband easily covered all these qualities.

https://www.nairaland.com/6257463/part-two-traits-woman-should

Also when I first met my husband, I wasn't that interested. He appears so ordinary (if you know what I mean), but as I scratch further, the depth of his manliness opens up. I was not attracted at first, but everything fell into place, and I was glad I didn't just brush him away. But I couldn't see his qualities quickly, it was my grandma that pointed it all out. So you should really have someone older, that have walked the talk of marriage, to advise and guide you.

3. Support him. Men are at their best when their wive are supportive. For example, my husband never asks me about my income, but every of my penny goes to my household. The idea that a man has to carry all the financial responsibilities is a self-defeating adventure. Such a woman punishes herself due to her short-sightedness and selfishness by reducing her worth in his eyes, making her easily replaceable.

.... would have loved to know more about you,have you got a younger sibling,

ahnie:
I m still trying hard to find out exactly what your problem is!

That one head nor correct na. I figured him out long ago.

Married for 16years now it's been an experience.
I would advice my self to marry someone I can mess/fart freely without complaining.
A true test of endurance,I tell you.
It means he can tolerate any thing and he would always love u no matter what.

Durabest:
I have been married for six years now with two beautiful Childre.My advice would be that,1:Don,t be disperate to go into marriage,2: Don,t pretend to be what you are not in order to win a man's heart.3:When your guy friends are around him do not join their conversation when you are not invited even when they are talking about your village people joining a conversation you are not invited will devalue your guy,4:Try to knw when your guy is needt of food don,t always wait 4 him to ask b4 you serve him food.5:If you don't love a man,don't go into marriage with him.6:always be truthful don't ever belive a lie can gurantee you marriage.7:don't hide what you hate and don't hate what he love most just show litle advice if u don't like it.8: don't go into marriage with man who don't love you.9:When a man tells you things that he hates and asked you to stop doing those things he detest don't dare him.10: Be humble.11:don,t always feel without you he can't sx so there4 you will give him sx when you feel like.

I love you

There are hundreds of women who are your missing rib, but unfortunately you can only marry one.
Even that one you will choose have her own wahala.
Women will remain women.

Take as much time to decide who to settle down with, even if you are 40+.

Sanu mai gida

But lack of submission leads to divorce and arrogance in the union?

Kobojunkie:
Rather than run away from the God, Jesus Christ, God's salvation to us from the curse, said we are to no longer live under have curse. He stipulated that those who are of the Kingdom of God are to submit to no other master/Head, leader/authority, Teacher, etc., but Him alone. - Matthew 23 vs 8 - 10. & Matthew 20 vs 20 - 28 & John 10 vs 1 - 16 .....

So anyone who for example chooses to submit in marriage choose the curse over Jesus and and by doing so forfeits God's promise of salvation.

ABUGEORGE:
But you pple I don’t understand you guys
Didn’t you read the passage carefully
When I first met my husband, shows she’s a woman of maturity and understanding
Even her writing shows she’s a lady yet you guys keep asking about the genders

That post was written by a man, not a woman. Read it again. Let's not focus on who wrote it, the message is paramount.

dini2001:
Married for 16years now it's been an experience.
I would advice my self to marry someone I can mess/fart freely without complaining.
A true test of endurance,I tell you.
It means he can tolerate any thing and he would always love u no matter what.

Very funny, but somewhat true.

Divoc19:
But lack of submission leads to divorce and arrogance in the union?

Lack of submission leads to divorce in arrogance, how?

It's sad that this thread has been derailed.

Kobojunkie, you're intelligent. I've interacted with you via my former account and we had a good banter.

But you need to give it a rest sometimes. Two ears and one mouth, remember? You don't always need to be argumentative.

The thread is NOT a Bible study thread. Don't derail it bro/sis.

I wish you well.

Eberex:
There are hundreds of women who are your missing rib, but unfortunately you can only marry one.
Even that one you will choose have her own wahala.
Women will remain women.

Take as much time to decide who to settle down with, even if you are 40+.

at 45 hmm...the guy should be thinkinh of afterlife na..time and season to every purpose

Stop keeping bad friends because of nobody knows tomorrow.

Angela62:
I am married for about a decade now, and I am enjoying my marriage. Honestly, if the worse happens and I became a widow, I will not marry any other man, I will train my kids alone. That is how much I love my husband and cherish my marriage. Since childhood, I have always been close to my grandmother, I grew up with her since my mum died when I was a child. I learned a lot from her. I can still remember the advice she gave to me when I wanted to marry my husband, and I will tell you exactly that.

1. Look at the qualities and characters of the man you want to marry. Most ''shine shine'' men, as my grandma will put it are not the real men. `Just as sugar is sweet but unhealthy, lots of men are like that. That bricklayer that sends his mum money in the village every month, that doesn't go to a club, doesn't smoke and buy expensive designers, he might not even give you butterflies, those are the real men. Ten years from now when you are pregnant with your third child, his masculinity will be like an umbrella to protect, provide and be the best father for your kids.

But you see those ones that are doing fine boys only, care more about the phone they use and the girl they sleep with this weekend than their future, those you must avoid. They may be attractive now, but when the difficulties of marriage come especially financially, then you realize that truly, internal beauty (characters and virtues) is what keeps marriage. So do not sacrifice the future due to your youthful exuberance.

2. Look at his patterns, those are the secrets to his future and of course, your future. Does he wakes up and go to work every day? What is the relationship he has with his family? How does he handle stress? is he hardworking? Do people around him respect him? Where does he go after work? What is your assessment of his friends? `What are his goals? etc. You might be clouded with feelings with this assessment especially when you are in love, so you might ask people you trust for advice. I saw this thread some few years ago by pansophist, where he wrote about qualities you should look for in a man for marriage, I implore you to check it out. The guy is on point. As I read through it, I kept nodding my head in affirmation because my husband easily covered all these qualities.

https://www.nairaland.com/6257463/part-two-traits-woman-should

Also when I first met my husband, I wasn't that interested. He appears so ordinary (if you know what I mean), but as I scratch further, the depth of his manliness opens up. I was not attracted at first, but everything fell into place, and I was glad I didn't just brush him away. But I couldn't see his qualities quickly, it was my grandma that pointed it all out. So you should really have someone older, that have walked the talk of marriage, to advise and guide you.

3. Support him. Men are at their best when their wive are supportive. For example, my husband never asks me about my income, but every of my penny goes to my household. The idea that a man has to carry all the financial responsibilities is a self-defeating adventure. Such a woman punishes herself due to her short-sightedness and selfishness by reducing her worth in his eyes, making her easily replaceable.

Wow!

I have come to realize, ladies trained by grannies make good wife/mothers...

It is as if they were handed over the baton of home management from those grannies..

Another set of ladies that do well in this marriage institution are those who have done house helping to some of these big Ogas..Infact they easily marry faster than Oga's proud and arrogant daughters.

Your Advise is super...

1. Marry your friend.

2. Be very patient. Don't act or say anything when you are angry. Walk away to cool off.

3. Settle every dispute before you go to bed.

4. Try to overlook his or her defaults. If he or she is your friend, you will easily overlook.

5. Pray together, love and respect your wife if you are a man. If your wife prays for you from her heart, you will be cruising with a high degree of ease. My wife wakes up in the middle of the night to pray for me while I sleep. I leave home 5am daily for work.

6. Work hard to provide for your family. Lack of finance is a major cause of issues in marriages.

7. Play together as often as possible. Don't take things too difficult.

8. Take care of her parents as little as you can. I send monthly allowance to my mother in law and my wife's grand mother. When you give and they pray for you from their hearts, you won't lack.

9. Be faithful to your spouse.

10. When you do all these, your wife will love you and submit to you.

My marriage is 10 years this June. To God be the Glory.

WhisperedNoise:
The thread is NOT a Bible study thread. Don't derail it bro/sis.I wish you well.

I am not the one who made this thread about bible study. I simply corrected a person who made false claims about the Christianity. That is all I did. The resulting attack, I had absolutely nothing to do with. And if you notice, not a single one of those who rose to attack were able to even show me wrong in my submission.

bukatyne:
Are you male or female?

Na wa for you o. Did you read HER response write-up at all?

Mariangeles:
Stop misrepresenting Christianity.

Onye ahu eji hu ahu...I am surprised people still quote him/her.

For a marriage to last long there has to be submission especially from the wife to the husband. Someone has to always play the fool.

Kobojunkie:
Lack of submission leads to divorce in arrogance, how?

Angela62:
I am married for about a decade now, and I am enjoying my marriage. Honestly, if the worse happens and I became a widow, I will not marry any other man, I will train my kids alone. That is how much I love my husband and cherish my marriage. Since childhood, I have always been close to my grandmother, I grew up with her since my mum died when I was a child. I learned a lot from her. I can still remember the advice she gave to me when I wanted to marry my husband, and I will tell you exactly that.

1. Look at the qualities and characters of the man you want to marry. Most ''shine shine'' men, as my grandma will put it are not the real men. `Just as sugar is sweet but unhealthy, lots of men are like that. That bricklayer that sends his mum money in the village every month, that doesn't go to a club, doesn't smoke and buy expensive designers, he might not even give you butterflies, those are the real men. Ten years from now when you are pregnant with your third child, his masculinity will be like an umbrella to protect, provide and be the best father for your kids.

But you see those ones that are doing fine boys only, care more about the phone they use and the girl they sleep with this weekend than their future, those you must avoid. They may be attractive now, but when the difficulties of marriage come especially financially, then you realize that truly, internal beauty (characters and virtues) is what keeps marriage. So do not sacrifice the future due to your youthful exuberance.

2. Look at his patterns, those are the secrets to his future and of course, your future. Does he wakes up and go to work every day? What is the relationship he has with his family? How does he handle stress? is he hardworking? Do people around him respect him? Where does he go after work? What is your assessment of his friends? `What are his goals? etc. You might be clouded with feelings with this assessment especially when you are in love, so you might ask people you trust for advice. I saw this thread some few years ago by pansophist, where he wrote about qualities you should look for in a man for marriage, I implore you to check it out. The guy is on point. As I read through it, I kept nodding my head in affirmation because my husband easily covered all these qualities.

https://www.nairaland.com/6257463/part-two-traits-woman-should

Also when I first met my husband, I wasn't that interested. He appears so ordinary (if you know what I mean), but as I scratch further, the depth of his manliness opens up. I was not attracted at first, but everything fell into place, and I was glad I didn't just brush him away. But I couldn't see his qualities quickly, it was my grandma that pointed it all out. So you should really have someone older, that have walked the talk of marriage, to advise and guide you.

3. Support him. Men are at their best when their wive are supportive. For example, my husband never asks me about my income, but every of my penny goes to my household. The idea that a man has to carry all the financial responsibilities is a self-defeating adventure. Such a woman punishes herself due to her short-sightedness and selfishness by reducing her worth in his eyes, making her easily replaceable.

Deep!!!
Oro agba!

franchasofficia:
Work hard to be financially stable before you think of settling down as a man. At worst, make sure you have a sustainable income or business that brings in steady income no matter how small. Don't get married hoping that marriage will bring luck that will make you rich later. Don't marry when you are financially unprepared, its a disaster in our present world. make sure you have a sustainable business or job or handwork before you go carry person daughter as wife.



I married at the age I wished to get married. I also married a lady that understands and supports me, and also gives me freedom to live happily without choking me with love or married women wahala lolz



So far so good, I have no regrets about my marriage, but the only thing I wished is that my wife had younger ones to flood our house and keep the whole house bubbling with people cos I love that feeling of having a large family with plenty humans, makes the house lively for kids.



Finally, I will advice single guys out there that want a happy marital life to avoid marrying girls below 27yrs. Marry mature ladies. Marry someone within your age bracket (5 years age gap at most), unless you are marrying a second wife which should be at least after your first marriage have lasted at least 20yrs and your last child of your first marriage at least 18yrs

Age doesn't equate maturity, Franchas. This thing is different strokes for different folks.

Be completely honest with self!! If you are, you will be honest with whomever you decide to marry.