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What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? - Family (8) - Nairaland

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Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Kobojunkie: 9:49pm On Jun 06, 2022
Ajibade123:

God can't be this complicated
you people are just deriving different theories to massage your egos
What aspect is stated and written in scripture do you find complicated abeg? undecided
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Caleycashh: 10:04pm On Jun 06, 2022
Michelle55:

Sometimes, it's best if you could just let some topics go and learn. It isn't compulsory that you must comment, arguments don't make one sound wise kobo rather it reveals the level of your knowledge in certain topics.
Seat this one out and let's not turn this beautiful thread into arguments.
Danke!
Learn what exactly?... tell us the answer to her questions na, calling someone with a very valid question childish is wrong, we learn everyday!

1 Like

Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by camri: 10:07pm On Jun 06, 2022
cococandy:

Some things are stated more than once in the Bible albeit in different contexts. In the genesis context, it’s a curse on Eve directly from the mouth of God

I’m also familiar with the verses you stated above.
madam let me ask you. can two captains pilot one ship?
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by camri: 10:16pm On Jun 06, 2022
UyaiIncomparabl:


Stop joking. I accepted everything she wrote wholeheartedly. I can't have and my man will struggle. I am so supportive if and when I have. Doesn't still mean I won't eat my cake and not want to have it back. tongue
will you submit your salary to your husband?
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by camri: 10:20pm On Jun 06, 2022
hopexter:
Is the one I gave myself that I’m following till now. Nothing like marriage, enjoy life make life enjoy you then you Rest. lipsrsealed
find one chick for your guy now?
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Kobojunkie: 10:21pm On Jun 06, 2022
Ajibade123:

so people shouldn't marry again or the wives shouldn't submit or what's your point gan gan this man??
No one says you shouldn't marry abeg..Marriage is simply a choice available to all... and no one says you can't chose the curse over salvation either. lipsrsealed

1 Like

Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by camri: 10:23pm On Jun 06, 2022
franchasofficia:
Work hard to be financially stable before you think of settling down as a man. At worst, make sure you have a sustainable income or business that brings in steady income no matter how small. Don't get married hoping that marriage will bring luck that will make you rich later. Don't marry when you are financially unprepared, its a disaster in our present world. make sure you have a sustainable business or job or handwork before you go carry person daughter as wife.



I married at the age I wished to get married. I also married a lady that understands and supports me, and also gives me freedom to live happily without choking me with love or married women wahala lolz



So far so good, I have no regrets about my marriage, but the only thing I wished is that my wife had younger ones to flood our house and keep the whole house bubbling with people cos I love that feeling of having a large family with plenty humans, makes the house lively for kids.



Finally, I will advice single guys out there that want a happy marital life to avoid marrying girls below 27yrs. Marry mature ladies. Marry someone within your age bracket (5 years age gap at most), unless you are marrying a second wife which should be at least after your first marriage have lasted at least 20yrs and your last child of your first marriage at least 18yrs
but girls below 27 are more fertile?

2 Likes

Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by decatalyst(m): 10:24pm On Jun 06, 2022
Angela62:
I am married for about a decade now, and I am enjoying my marriage. Honestly, if the worse happens and I became a widow, I will not marry any other man, I will train my kids alone. That is how much I love my husband and cherish my marriage. Since childhood, I have always been close to my grandmother, I grew up with her since my mum died when I was a child. I learned a lot from her. I can still remember the advice she gave to me when I wanted to marry my husband, and I will tell you exactly that.

1. Look at the qualities and characters of the man you want to marry. Most ''shine shine'' men, as my grandma will put it are not the real men. `Just as sugar is sweet but unhealthy, lots of men are like that. That bricklayer that sends his mum money in the village every month, that doesn't go to a club, doesn't smoke and buy expensive designers, he might not even give you butterflies, those are the real men. Ten years from now when you are pregnant with your third child, his masculinity will be like an umbrella to protect, provide and be the best father for your kids.

But you see those ones that are doing fine boys only, care more about the phone they use and the girl they sleep with this weekend than their future, those you must avoid. They may be attractive now, but when the difficulties of marriage come especially financially, then you realize that truly, internal beauty (characters and virtues) is what keeps marriage. So do not sacrifice the future due to your youthful exuberance.

2. Look at his patterns, those are the secrets to his future and of course, your future. Does he wakes up and go to work every day? What is the relationship he has with his family? How does he handle stress? is he hardworking? Do people around him respect him? Where does he go after work? What is your assessment of his friends? `What are his goals? etc. You might be clouded with feelings with this assessment especially when you are in love, so you might ask people you trust for advice. I saw this thread some few years ago by pansophist, where he wrote about qualities you should look for in a man for marriage, I implore you to check it out. The guy is on point. As I read through it, I kept nodding my head in affirmation because my husband easily covered all these qualities.

https://www.nairaland.com/6257463/part-two-traits-woman-should

Also when I first met my husband, I wasn't that interested. He appears so ordinary (if you know what I mean), but as I scratch further, the depth of his manliness opens up. I was not attracted at first, but everything fell into place, and I was glad I didn't just brush him away. But I couldn't see his qualities quickly, it was my grandma that pointed it all out. So you should really have someone older, that have walked the talk of marriage, to advise and guide you.

3. Support him. Men are at their best when their wive are supportive. For example, my husband never asks me about my income, but every of my penny goes to my household. The idea that a man has to carry all the financial responsibilities is a self-defeating adventure. Such a woman punishes herself due to her short-sightedness and selfishness by reducing her worth in his eyes, making her easily replaceable.

I wish I could give you a bear hug!

May the Lord continue to keep your home and preserve every member of your home.

Thank you for sharing.

2 Likes

Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by camri: 10:25pm On Jun 06, 2022
Wisejohnson47:
I am not enjoying my marriage at all.
is she not giving you great sex?
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by donprosper6(m): 10:30pm On Jun 06, 2022
Marriage is not compulsory.

1 Like

Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Albertone(m): 10:32pm On Jun 06, 2022
Kobojunkie:
Submission is born of God's curse on marriage which rendered marriage of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Genesis 3 vs 16 & Luke 20 vs 34 -36. Therefore, there is nothing "Christian" about marriage, or your formula. undecided
I dislike when people twist bible passages to suit their desires.

Look at that same Genesis before the chapter 3 you quoted--Genesis 2:24.
How about these passages?--Titus 2:4,Ephesians 5:25.
Isn't it the bible that said "He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing"?
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 10:34pm On Jun 06, 2022
camri:
will you submit your salary to your husband?

NO.
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by camri: 10:35pm On Jun 06, 2022
osazsky:
who u marry..una nor date..or na arrangee..sorry for this so painful..this means i must be a lucky man o...i thank God for my caring wife..no issues at all..but i pray God makes it right for you..pls dont tolottate an abusive mariage its better to walk away.incase of infidelity talk to an elder in his family or her family.u will be fine dear..hold on..it is well amen
does your wife satisfy you in bed
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by ThothHermes: 10:36pm On Jun 06, 2022
Acidosis:


Good one. E dey post like antichrist cheesy
That guy is a special kind of mental.
Very unique.
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Hullabaloon: 10:36pm On Jun 06, 2022
Ndibuna:
See how these women have turned this beautiful thread and derailed it into an argumentative cesspit, pathetic

I'm utterly miffed at how the thread was derailed.

A potential thread of the year has just gone to waste.
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by camri: 10:40pm On Jun 06, 2022
UyaiIncomparabl:


Very funny, but somewhat true.
are you tribalistic when it comes to marrying?
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by camri: 10:42pm On Jun 06, 2022
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by bigiyaro(m): 10:42pm On Jun 06, 2022
I will advise my younger self never to get married.
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Luzebox(m): 10:43pm On Jun 06, 2022
JovialJune:
Don't marry Nigerian boys angry
dis one way never man....lolzzz...
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Kobojunkie: 11:02pm On Jun 06, 2022
Albertone:
I dislike when people twist bible passages to suit their desires.

Look at that same Genesis before the chapter 3 you quoted--Genesis 2:24.
How about these passages?--Titus 2:4,Ephesians 5:25.
Isn't it the bible that said "He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing"?
What bible passages do you accuse me of twisting? You are told that the same God who instituted marriage in Genesis 2 vs 24 , turned around and cursed marriage when man rejected His original plan , this in Genesis 3 vs 16. So wnere is the twist you claim abeg? undecided

Jesus Christ, the one whom God sent and commanded you to obey came and instructed you to submit to no man but Himself proclaiming all equal in His Kingdom- Matthew 23 vs 8 - 10. He also affirmed God's Judgement in Genesis 3 vs 16 when He said your marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God in Luke 20 vs 34 - 36. So what passages are you accusing one of twisting here abeg? undecided

What is written in the letter to the Ephesians and to Titus seem to align with the curse(unholiness) over that commanded by Jesus Christ, the one God sent to redeem men from God's curse in Genesis 3 vs 16 - 22. And since we know God's Law and Word is everlasting, just as Jesus Christ affirmed in Matthew 5 vs 15 - 17, God also didn't somehow change His mind about His judgement against mankind in Genesis 3 vs 16 - 22. So what part of what is stated twists bible passages abeg? undecided

As for the statement "He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing" , there are more than enough testimonials out there to indicate that isn't true is majority of the cases, even among Christians, so that ought to cause you to rethink this belief you have that everything written is true, right?? undecided
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Arielle: 11:05pm On Jun 06, 2022
Was married for 12 years, been widowed for 5 years. This was advice I had drummed into my head even before I got married.
1. Give him peace. Be the sanctuary he needs after he's been through all the world throws at him daily.
2. Pick your battles. Learn to ignore a lot of things. Even when you've caught him at it, sometimes it pays to let it go.
3. You are not the man. Embrace your femininity, your softness and womanhood. Never give that up trying to be equal with him. You are different. Own that.
4. NEVER put the children before him. He is actually number 1. God gave him to you as your partner and gave your children to you both as care givers. Together you are a team who temporarily put the needs of the children first when they are young and dependent. But never forget that he is your partner and he is the one that will be there when the children have grown and gone on to have families of their own. So don't neglect him. Work on building and nurturing your relationship.
5. Words wound. Watch your tongue.
6. Listen to your mother. Watch how she treats your father and apply it. So spoil him, cater to him. Be his biggest cheerleader. Praise and appreciate the littlest thing he does. Create a loving comfortable home for him to come to.

Advice I got from my mother and it worked for me. Good luck to you young'uns.

7 Likes

Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Kobojunkie: 11:07pm On Jun 06, 2022
Divoc19:
Interesting thought sir.
That statement is a fact. Unless you are being held hostage, no man or woman can force submission on another. So, submission is a choice like every other in marriage and it be up to the individuals in the marriage to decide if it will work for their arrangement or not. undecided

3 Likes

Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by YelloweWest: 11:20pm On Jun 06, 2022
Take a chill pill and relax. Las las you go dey alright.
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by ChiefSweetus: 11:24pm On Jun 06, 2022
Angela62:
I am married for about a decade now, and I am enjoying my marriage. Honestly, if the worse happens and I became a widow, I will not marry any other man, I will train my kids alone. That is how much I love my husband and cherish my marriage. Since childhood, I have always been close to my grandmother, I grew up with her since my mum died when I was a child. I learned a lot from her. I can still remember the advice she gave to me when I wanted to marry my husband, and I will tell you exactly that.

1. Look at the qualities and characters of the man you want to marry. Most ''shine shine'' men, as my grandma will put it are not the real men. `Just as sugar is sweet but unhealthy, lots of men are like that. That bricklayer that sends his mum money in the village every month, that doesn't go to a club, doesn't smoke and buy expensive designers, he might not even give you butterflies, those are the real men. Ten years from now when you are pregnant with your third child, his masculinity will be like an umbrella to protect, provide and be the best father for your kids.

But you see those ones that are doing fine boys only, care more about the phone they use and the girl they sleep with this weekend than their future, those you must avoid. They may be attractive now, but when the difficulties of marriage come especially financially, then you realize that truly, internal beauty (characters and virtues) is what keeps marriage. So do not sacrifice the future due to your youthful exuberance.

2. Look at his patterns, those are the secrets to his future and of course, your future. Does he wakes up and go to work every day? What is the relationship he has with his family? How does he handle stress? is he hardworking? Do people around him respect him? Where does he go after work? What is your assessment of his friends? `What are his goals? etc. You might be clouded with feelings with this assessment especially when you are in love, so you might ask people you trust for advice. I saw this thread some few years ago by pansophist, where he wrote about qualities you should look for in a man for marriage, I implore you to check it out. The guy is on point. As I read through it, I kept nodding my head in affirmation because my husband easily covered all these qualities.

https://www.nairaland.com/6257463/part-two-traits-woman-should

Also when I first met my husband, I wasn't that interested. He appears so ordinary (if you know what I mean), but as I scratch further, the depth of his manliness opens up. I was not attracted at first, but everything fell into place, and I was glad I didn't just brush him away. But I couldn't see his qualities quickly, it was my grandma that pointed it all out. So you should really have someone older, that have walked the talk of marriage, to advise and guide you.

3. Support him. Men are at their best when their wive are supportive. For example, my husband never asks me about my income, but every of my penny goes to my household. The idea that a man has to carry all the financial responsibilities is a self-defeating adventure. Such a woman punishes herself due to her short-sightedness and selfishness by reducing her worth in his eyes, making her easily replaceable.
smiley
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Eagba(m): 11:28pm On Jun 06, 2022
Kobojunkie:
OMGosh! So what Jesus Christ said, you deem imaginary? undecided

So, if you don't have any clue what is contained in scripture, why jump into this conversation to begin with? undecided
I like what this person is smoking.
It's the ki n d of smoke that makes you g o o on a long rant and at the end you ask" what am I saying"

1 Like

Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by rayval(m): 11:28pm On Jun 06, 2022
How did this conversation enter l bible conversation

1 Like

Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by McLizbae: 11:46pm On Jun 06, 2022
Durabest:
I have been married for six years now with two beautiful Childre.My advice would be that,1:Don,t be disperate to go into marriage,2: Don,t pretend to be what you are not in order to win a man's heart.3:When your guy friends are around him do not join their conversation when you are not invited even when they are talking about your village people joining a conversation you are not invited will devalue your guy,4:Try to knw when your guy is needt of food don,t always wait 4 him to ask b4 you serve him food.5:If you don't love a man,don't go into marriage with him.6:always be truthful don't ever belive a lie can gurantee you marriage.7:don't hide what you hate and don't hate what he love most just show litle advice if u don't like it.8: don't go into marriage with man who don't love you.9:When a man tells you things that he hates and asked you to stop doing those things he detest don't dare him.10: Be humble.11:don,t always feel without you he can't sx so there4 you will give him sx when you feel like.

You na man now, all this na advice for woman now, what advice will you give yourself?

1 Like

Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Nobody: 12:04am On Jun 07, 2022
Kobojunkie:
Jesus Christ didn't lift the curse by His death. What He did was instead provide a path to salvation from God's curse in Genesis 3 vs 16 - 22, and it is to this He declared that only those who endure till the end will be saved - Matthew 24 vs 13 - not before the end. undecided

As for the curse on childbearing, we'll, every child born into this world is born into a cursed existence, removed from God from birth. Those who decide to find their way back to Him needing to suffer and endure tribulations to make it. undecided

As we know God created some Eunuchs(childless) from birth , made some Eunuchs(childless) in this life, and allowed others to choose to live as Eunuchs(childless) for the sake of His Kingdom, well, it becomes sort of a no brainer for anyone who truly understands God in this. Do you drag a soul into a cursed existence, so it can suffer and endure tribulation and probably fail to reach God in the end? Or do you forego all that? undecided

Kudos...

1 Like

Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Yusufisraelj(m): 12:09am On Jun 07, 2022
Bobloco:
This thread was going to be a beautiful thread judging from the comments on the first page

Boom! From the second page, it began to get derailed because those with entitlement mentality invaded

I'm telling you, had to skip to the fifth page. Rubbish useless arguments way no get head, no understanding, no context, no knowledge, nothing practical to apply to life.

1 Like

Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by VULCAN(m): 12:13am On Jun 07, 2022
"Strong in this one the Confusion is" said in Yoda's voice

Kobojunkie:
Submission is born of God's curse on marriage which rendered marriage of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Genesis 3 vs 16 & Luke 20 vs 34 -36. Therefore, there is nothing "Christian" about marriage, or your formula. undecided

1 Like

Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Kobojunkie: 12:14am On Jun 07, 2022
Eagba:

I like what this person is smoking.
It's the ki n d of smoke that makes you g o o on a long rant and at the end you ask" what am I saying"
Let me guess! You are clueless but you want to be noticed anyways? undecided
Re: What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? by Yusufisraelj(m): 12:16am On Jun 07, 2022
Kobojunkie:
I am not the one who made this thread about bible study. I simply corrected a person who made false claims about the Christianity. That is all I did. The resulting attack, I had absolutely nothing to do with. And if you notice, not a single one of those who rose to attack were able to even show me wrong in my submission. undecided

Then rest in the name of Jesus, REST! Truth by it's very Nature does not need validation, it has a way of flowing to the top effortlessly, even though slowly. Learn this and stop trying to prove points by all means.

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