₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
You only told us of what your wife doesn't have to do all day but you forgot to tell us what you have observed her doing during the day, even on the weekends when you are home with her and the kids.

Anyways, from the much you have revealed, your wife may be struggling with mental health issues that you have yet to key into. Please try to suggest you both see mental health therapists either individually to help you tackle the stress in your lives. Do so as respectfully as possible as this is a sensitive subject.

You say there is a job waiting for her once your kid turns 1 year 6 months, if she is not able to cope at home, I doubt she will be able to transition smoothly to a busy work life if something is not done soonest.

olasaad:
Or Zeeworld/ Telemondo effect

Kobojunkie:
An adult addicted to watching TV this as marriage is struggling get potentially serious problems. How that person go come take transition from watching TV all day to working full-time without distraction?

OBALOLA55:
YOU SHOULD HAVE ALLOWED MOTHERS TO RESPOND FESS

Klass99:
At the bolded, I have reservations about a help because the matriarch hasn't mastered her home, she doesn't have a firm grip on a routine that works for everyone, she's not staying on top of things, but a help will now be hired and expected to achieve a feat even she hasn't been able to achieve, on top of how much?

Sooner or later the help will start to look overused and abused from being overworked, because madam would have practically left 95% of home chores to her, I've seen this play out in different households I'm familiar with. Some women will sit in the living room watching TV and ask the help to make them a meal, while she's in the kitchen doing that, they start shouting Grace come and carry Junior he is disturbing me.

Does it not make sense that while Grace is cooking, you mind the child you gave birth to? But no, they want to offload that responsibility to the help as well. A help in some instances means a complete hands off from house work and motherhood duties for some women.

And for women who have not shown care or effort in reasonably managing their homes, premium tears awaits someone else hired as a help, they do all the work for very little benefit. If I were her husband she must adjust and create a workable routine for our home first, before I consider bringing on a help and if I do her duties will mostly be limited to laundry and house cleaning.

godfrey02:
.

a very happy family i guess and a good man who provides all the woman wants.

the problem i see here are eating late, lack of sex, and not doing your laundry. how old is she

Ulunne777:
That was how she was raised.go to their house and you won't be surprised .It stems from laziness and disorganized lifestyle,leave this mental health talk.

My mom raised us with cooking dinner early,its a life I'm used to and also adopted.If i eat later than this time food becomes a baggage to me and do you know it even helps to curb bedwetting in chikdren.my kids eat by 6:30pm and I'm a working mom.On the days I may come home late,I precook so that once I'm home,food will be ready in less than 30mins and by 8:30 tops the kids are asleep.

Ppl should stop enabling bad behavior,every time mental health mental health until this young man dies off early as a result of inadequate rest and bad eating habits .I'm even sure he will be served Eba and soup by 10pm like my neighbor does.

NoToPile:
Oga this your schedule no go work, time tables do not work when dealing with toddlers. I was just laughing reading your timetable. Nacking everyday . Welcome to parenthood 101. Sometimes mothers plan with a schedule but it just doesn't work, toddlers are very unpredictable, it's the time you want to rest they want to play. Its when you are all set for church or school one will want to poo or wee.

The issue now is cartoon seems to be a mechanism some mothers use to cope nowadays its not healthy but it gives some mothers time to do some chores when they are watching baby shark



Two things you should ensure,

1. Try and eat early so you would sleep early let her understand how eating early translates to sleeping early and waking early to a productive day means for you. She should try adjust the timing of cooking. Your sanity and health is very important to cope with the Lagos craze, understand that even your wife would also want to sleep early but she can't until the kids sleep.

2. Once you want the children to sleep, when they have rested after meal, switch off the lights from the change over switch. The whole house should be dark. Those little beings can be very smart, once there's light they will be shaking their little bomboms round the whole house. Once it's dark they will sleep, just put on small not bright Rechargable in the room and one of you guys stay with them they will sleep off sooner.

I believe those are the two major issues, as for Nacking everyday bros forget am e no go happen.

You also have the impression that a stay at home mum does not need a help, very wrong. Understand that the only time she can get some sleep/rest is if both kids are sleeping, one has to watch little children and never leave them unattended to.

If you guys can afford to, get someone to come in to do the cleaning/help once or twice weekly, she will have more time for Nacking


Now to your questions



Yes with the everyday Nacking part, also schedules almost never work with toddlers, in their creche it will but at home their comfort zone I don't think so. Your demands are okay with eating and sleeping early but these kids ehn

Kitchen no dey close oo, baby might want to drink tea by 2am. bedtime depends on a whole lot of factors, it can be as early as 9-10pm and as late as 1 am.

Most times a lot of mothers are still awake by that time.

Not totally

Militant1:
Doing my laundry is not the problem... I can do it comfortably every weekend with the machine cos am not lazy and I can afford to give office clothes to drycleaner . The problem is that she doesn't do what she ought to do before 9pm for everyone to go and sleep. The sex is something else. I watch videos of pregnant women demanding sex from their husbands but for me, the two kids we have we didn't have sex for like 11months each. We have been married for 4 years and I can tell u confidently that 2 years in that period we haven't had sex.......

Militant1:
I will try to be brief and straight to the point.

My wife stays up late (11pm -12 am) every blessed day.... That's the problem.

We live in Lagos and have 2kids, 3yo and 8 months. My wife was working before but left the job when she gave birth. There is a job waiting for her when the baby is 1y6mnths, therefore she is a stay at home mom.

We live on the mainland but I work on the island so I live home as early as five. In our house we have all the amenities you can think of; 24 hrs light (NEPA plus inverter), running water, gas, 2 washing machines etc to make a home 95percent comfortable but my wife can't seem to cope and it started when we had one child.

She doesn't wash my clothes, my office shirts and suits are given to dry cleaner to arrange while my other laundry I do myself every weekend with the washing machine.

When I get home by 7pm or 8, that's when she now starts rushing to bath the kids and prepare dinner, so we eat by 9 or 10. Before the kids play play and play, by 11pm we are still awake. Sometimes I go to bed by midnight and have to wake up by 4am to go to work again. It's impacting on my health and my work. She will sleep by 12 am and wake up by 8 or 9am the following day.

I have tried to beg and appeal to her. If I eat out and come home to just sleep, she go dey vex. If I just come home shower and sleep the kids who have passed their bedtime will be playing and when madam is ready to sleep they won't agree to sleep. She will beat them, guess who they will come crying to- daddy that just started sleeping and has to wake by 4am, I will now pet and pet till 2am before kids sleep.. I have advised her that kids have a bedtime(8pm). When I man up and off the tv by 9pm and tell everyone to go to bed, she says I am disrespecting her. She reports me to her mum.

Worse still our sex life is horrible... We have sex like once in 2 month.. At 35 I am in my sex prime and can Bleep everyday but she doesn't seem to care about me because she is always tired am I pity her so I don't demand sex so much.

I fully understand stay at home is not easy and I help her when.

I tried to create a schedule for her.

Wake up by 6am
By 7 she suppose don clean finish
By 8 breakfast should be ready for her, kids
9-10am bath herself and the kids
10-12 do any other stuff in the house
12-3pm rest, watch movies, chill
3-5pm... Do whatever she likes
5pm boil water and bath the kids
6pm she don bathe and bath kids
7pm... Food don done... Everything dey freezer
8pm we eat
By 9 everyone goes to bed and we knack 1hr

I throw the trash every day
Na me dey go market buy foodstuff
On weekends I clean the house
I wash my all my clothes
I provide all the finance in the house
I satisfy her on the bed when we naka. She begs me that she's tired
I buy her gifts, drop 3k for her everyday
Why should we have a house help when she is a stat at home mum (for now)

So what's the problem..


Mothers, are my demands too much?
Mothers, please when do you close your kitchen and go to bed?
Are you still awake by 11pm every blessed day.
Am I crazy?

Please advice me.

I have begged her, pleaded, shouted, done everything. Sometimes I intentionally come home late (10-11pm) thinking that the kids have gone to bed but my first child will be watching cartoon.

Please advice me. I am going crazy, Lagos is stressful

Militant1:
I will try to be brief and straight to the point.

My wife stays up late (11pm -12 am) every blessed day.... That's the problem.

We live in Lagos and have 2kids, 3yo and 8 months. My wife was working before but left the job when she gave birth. There is a job waiting for her when the baby is 1y6mnths, therefore she is a stay at home mom.

We live on the mainland but I work on the island so I live home as early as five. In our house we have all the amenities you can think of; 24 hrs light (NEPA plus inverter), running water, gas, 2 washing machines etc to make a home 95percent comfortable but my wife can't seem to cope and it started when we had one child.

She doesn't wash my clothes, my office shirts and suits are given to dry cleaner to arrange while my other laundry I do myself every weekend with the washing machine.

When I get home by 7pm or 8, that's when she now starts rushing to bath the kids and prepare dinner, so we eat by 9 or 10. Before the kids play play and play, by 11pm we are still awake. Sometimes I go to bed by midnight and have to wake up by 4am to go to work again. It's impacting on my health and my work. She will sleep by 12 am and wake up by 8 or 9am the following day.

I have tried to beg and appeal to her. If I eat out and come home to just sleep, she go dey vex. If I just come home shower and sleep the kids who have passed their bedtime will be playing and when madam is ready to sleep they won't agree to sleep. She will beat them, guess who they will come crying to- daddy that just started sleeping and has to wake by 4am, I will now pet and pet till 2am before kids sleep.. I have advised her that kids have a bedtime(8pm). When I man up and off the tv by 9pm and tell everyone to go to bed, she says I am disrespecting her. She reports me to her mum.

Worse still our sex life is horrible... We have sex like once in 2 month.. At 35 I am in my sex prime and can Bleep everyday but she doesn't seem to care about me because she is always tired am I pity her so I don't demand sex so much.

I fully understand stay at home is not easy and I help her when.

I tried to create a schedule for her.

Wake up by 6am
By 7 she suppose don clean finish
By 8 breakfast should be ready for her, kids
9-10am bath herself and the kids
10-12 do any other stuff in the house
12-3pm rest, watch movies, chill
3-5pm... Do whatever she likes
5pm boil water and bath the kids
6pm she don bathe and bath kids
7pm... Food don done... Everything dey freezer
8pm we eat
By 9 everyone goes to bed and we knack 1hr

I throw the trash every day
Na me dey go market buy foodstuff
On weekends I clean the house
I wash my all my clothes
I provide all the finance in the house
I satisfy her on the bed when we naka. She begs me that she's tired
I buy her gifts, drop 3k for her everyday
Why should we have a house help when she is a stat at home mum (for now)

So what's the problem..


Mothers, are my demands too much?
Mothers, please when do you close your kitchen and go to bed?
Are you still awake by 11pm every blessed day.
Am I crazy?

Please advice me.

I have begged her, pleaded, shouted, done everything. Sometimes I intentionally come home late (10-11pm) thinking that the kids have gone to bed but my first child will be watching cartoon.

Please advice me. I am going crazy, Lagos is stressful

Blessedmercy8:
Hehehehhee... This op no serious. So all the activities in the schedule you created for her is all on her neck and hers to do. while your own is just to come and nack for one hour? Hahahahaha.. .. funny.

Maybe you think she's a robot that can consistently carry out those task everyday without any lapses.

Op, wehdon, Mr knacker.

Rozross:
If all you type are true then take a drastic decision and call your wife to order and you should be the one to decide how the home is run since you provide everything. I dislike women who stress good men. Husbands should be tired of sex and not begging for it. Please take charge of your home and clip her wings so she’ll know what been a wife entails.

Klass99:
@ Militant1, I don't think you are crazy and I don't think your expectations are unreasonable. Like you, I don't function well with sleep deprivation. Poor or insufficient sleep leads to stress and stress is a silent killer.

While you are busting your ass off to provide for your family, the associated stress from home will silently do you in.This BS needs to stop, you are not asking for too much! Considering the fact that you've provided every necessary tool to make family life easy.

I don't know if you've seen Game of Thrones but one of my favourite scenes is where Tywin Lannister said to Cersei, I don't distrust you because you're a woman, I distrust you because you're not as smart as you think you are. You've allowed that boy to ride roughshod over you and everyone else in this city.

Na so e dey take start ooo. Allowing very young children do as they please, giving into them, not instilling discipline or enforcing house rules can lead to embarrassing consequences. If she can't take charge of two young kids and her home as the matriarch at this stage, when she wan start?

I'm not in support of a help at this point either, a help will make more sense when she starts her new job. Your wife seems like the sort of woman even helps love to deal with, because of a lazy and overly dependent attitude on them. You know the type of helps that skoin skoin use to worry, they'll pack their bags on Sunday evening or Monday morning and tell you they're leaving your house, the workload is three much.

You need to start acting like your username, until you get the results you want.

Mandy1414:
Being a mother takes God's grace. Motherhood takes away sanity from a woman. Everything about the woman is on hold or adjusted because she has to take care of the children, husband, home.
It's baffling when men think since they provide the cash the woman should be comfortable.
It does not work that way sir.
At this point in time, your timetable will not work.
Your wife is not lazy. The only thing here is, she needs a help.

She could be going through depression.
Motherhood is one factor that leads women to depression and mental illness.
The children call the shot for now.

She wakes up at 10 or 11am

Have you asked her if she slept at night?
Children wake up at odd hours 5times or more before 7am to ask for food or wee and guess what? It's mummy that wakes up.
Have you asked her when was the last time she slept 5hrs at a stretch at night?

Please give her some break.

As for food, you can once in a while tell her not to worry about food. Get food from a good restaurant for everyone to eat.

Please don't add to her stress.

Being a stay home mum is more stressful that even working in an office.

Kobojunkie:
How does any of what OP described amount to domestic violence or her wanting to beat him up? You will need to fill me in cause I don't think as you do.

NoToPile:
Oga this your schedule no go work, time tables do not work when dealing with toddlers. I was just laughing reading your timetable. Nacking everyday . Welcome to parenthood 101. Sometimes mothers plan with a schedule but it just doesn't work, toddlers are very unpredictable, it's the time you want to rest they want to play. Its when you are all set for church or school one will want to poo or wee.

The issue now is cartoon seems to be a mechanism some mothers use to cope nowadays its not healthy but it gives some mothers time to do some chores when they are watching baby shark



Two things you should ensure,

1. Try and eat early so you would sleep early let her understand how eating early translates to sleeping early and waking early to a productive day means for you. She should try adjust the timing of cooking. Your sanity and health is very important to cope with the Lagos craze, understand that even your wife would also want to sleep early but she can't until the kids sleep.

2. Once you want the children to sleep, when they have rested after meal, switch off the lights from the change over switch. The whole house should be dark. Those little beings can be very smart, once there's light they will be shaking their little bomboms round the whole house. Once it's dark they will sleep, just put on small not bright Rechargable in the room and one of you guys stay with them they will sleep off sooner.

I believe those are the two major issues, as for Nacking everyday bros forget am e no go happen.

You also have the impression that a stay at home mum does not need a help, very wrong. Understand that the only time she can get some sleep/rest is if both kids are sleeping, one has to watch little children and never leave them unattended to.

If you guys can afford to, get someone to come in to do the cleaning/help once or twice weekly, she will have more time for Nacking


Now to your questions



Yes with the everyday Nacking part, also schedules almost never work with toddlers, in their creche it will but at home their comfort zone I don't think so. Your demands are okay with eating and sleeping early but these kids ehn

Kitchen no dey close oo, baby might want to drink tea by 2am. bedtime depends on a whole lot of factors, it can be as early as 9-10pm and as late as 1 am.

Most times a lot of mothers are still awake by that time.

Not totally

Militant1:
I will try to be brief and straight to the point.

My wife stays up late (11pm -12 am) every blessed day.... That's the problem.

We live in Lagos and have 2kids, 3yo and 8 months. My wife was working before but left the job when she gave birth. There is a job waiting for her when the baby is 1y6mnths, therefore she is a stay at home mom.

We live on the mainland but I work on the island so I live home as early as five. In our house we have all the amenities you can think of; 24 hrs light (NEPA plus inverter), running water, gas, 2 washing machines etc to make a home 95percent comfortable but my wife can't seem to cope and it started when we had one child.

She doesn't wash my clothes, my office shirts and suits are given to dry cleaner to arrange while my other laundry I do myself every weekend with the washing machine.

When I get home by 7pm or 8, that's when she now starts rushing to bath the kids and prepare dinner, so we eat by 9 or 10. Before the kids play play and play, by 11pm we are still awake. Sometimes I go to bed by midnight and have to wake up by 4am to go to work again. It's impacting on my health and my work. She will sleep by 12 am and wake up by 8 or 9am the following day.

I have tried to beg and appeal to her. If I eat out and come home to just sleep, she go dey vex. If I just come home shower and sleep the kids who have passed their bedtime will be playing and when madam is ready to sleep they won't agree to sleep. She will beat them, guess who they will come crying to- daddy that just started sleeping and has to wake by 4am, I will now pet and pet till 2am before kids sleep.. I have advised her that kids have a bedtime(8pm). When I man up and off the tv by 9pm and tell everyone to go to bed, she says I am disrespecting her. She reports me to her mum.

Worse still our sex life is horrible... We have sex like once in 2 month.. At 35 I am in my sex prime and can Bleep everyday but she doesn't seem to care about me because she is always tired am I pity her so I don't demand sex so much.

I fully understand stay at home is not easy and I help her when.

I tried to create a schedule for her.

Wake up by 6am
By 7 she suppose don clean finish
By 8 breakfast should be ready for her, kids
9-10am bath herself and the kids
10-12 do any other stuff in the house
12-3pm rest, watch movies, chill
3-5pm... Do whatever she likes
5pm boil water and bath the kids
6pm she don bathe and bath kids
7pm... Food don done... Everything dey freezer
8pm we eat
By 9 everyone goes to bed and we knack 1hr

I throw the trash every day
Na me dey go market buy foodstuff
On weekends I clean the house
I wash my all my clothes
I provide all the finance in the house
I satisfy her on the bed when we naka. She begs me that she's tired
I buy her gifts, drop 3k for her everyday
Why should we have a house help when she is a stat at home mum (for now)

So what's the problem..


Mothers, are my demands too much?
Mothers, please when do you close your kitchen and go to bed?
Are you still awake by 11pm every blessed day.
Am I crazy?

Please advice me.

I have begged her, pleaded, shouted, done everything. Sometimes I intentionally come home late (10-11pm) thinking that the kids have gone to bed but my first child will be watching cartoon.

Please advice me. I am going crazy, Lagos is stressful

Akanoaaa:
Woman wrapper don talk.

Someone who will wake up by 4am and still not allow to sleep by 12 and the wife was at home throughout the day o? Your sense is as size as ant own.

BabbanBura:
You need to go find out what constitute domestic violence. You think domestic violence is only physical abuse? - even if it is, the OP has being abused by the wife physically by denying him sex, by her not managing the home well making the kids disturb his sleep resulting to insufficient sleep, by giving him meal late at night. Alot of the abuse is mental and psychological.