₦airaland Forum

TheGoodAmerican:
Body-shaming - You should keep yourself up irrespective of your marital status (exercising and curbing excessive eating aren't just good for maintaining weight but for health and being able to fit into clothes). That said, considering the changes women's bodies go through after marriage, weight gain after marriage is expected. Unless you marry a superficial jerk, most men are understanding towards their wives when that happens. You just have to marry someone who loves you enough to not look down on you because of it, someone who will encourage you to exercise or kuku hit the gym with you himself.

Running errands - You're to be each other's helpers after marriage. Then again, I'm not in Nigeria, so the idea of men sending their wives on errands is new to me. If they're once-in-a-while errands or he's unable to do them himself because of his schedule or for one reason or another, then I don't see anything wrong with helping him out. I can only see this as a problem if it's daily thing or the man thinks it's his wife's duty to do them for him. Again, I can't speak on what goes on in Nigeria but with the married couples I know in this part of the world, the men are always very helpful to their wives, as the wives are to them.

Space × Privacy - You've to be tolerate and giving [of your space, time, etc] to get married and to stay married. While you should maintain your own autonomy and those things that make you you, such as your hobbies, there's a joint identity that takes place after marriage, therefore you'll have to do away with the possessive pronouns of "I", "Me", "My" and "Mine" because you'll become a "WE". If that's going to be a problem for you, then marriage might not be right for you, especially because you might end up making the man miserable.

Cleaning poop - You just have to get over this as well. It's a normal and essential bodily function, and babies and kids can't help themselves. Unless you want to get a maid to change their diapers and all, but why would you want to do that? It's something you do too, so why would you feel icky if your child does it and you've to clean them up? Cardi B, as rich as she is, doesn't let anyone touch her kids. She changes them herself.

Hmm . Great analogy. You've spoken well.

As for the errands, Nigerian men hardly help out with short errands and expect their wifes to do it all. In fact some see it as the woman's duty. So they are all the same in this area.

Cleaning poop is not entirely the woman's job but some men will never do that job. It's always assumed it's the woman's duty and from your points you made it one sided like it's the woman's thing to do.

Thanks all the same

Ok. Nothing left for me to say here.

RESHARPENED:
Don't get married.

Especially not to a pastor. Most especially not to THAT pastor. He's a weak and manipulative man that could not approach you himself.

Plus, you can forget everything about independence if you get married to a pastor. Religion demands a slavish devotion of wife to husband even when it's undeserved.

Then, there's pregnancy.

Did you know that some pregnancies can lead to broken ribs?

If you're happy with your single life, LIVE it. Don't let anyone shame or pressure you into marriage.

Few people enjoy their marriages yet they keep inviting people into it.
Why?
'Cause misery loves company.

Don't give in.

By the way, it's easier to get out of the arrangement if you just tell the guy and his goons this:

"I have prayed about it and the Holy Spirit revealed to me that Pastor A. is not the will of God for me."

Don't give in.

Well but you will be told when you are old, nobody will take care of you.

My only advice to you:

Stop pornography and masturbation.

Only then can your life reset in the true sense of it.

If you don't, you'll go on living like this until you turn 60 and wonder why you're suddenly lonely and sad.

Year in, year out, you have continued to self-destruct yourself with your sententious and grandiose self-image promoting, deceitful, conceited, and disingenuous attitude, with the worst and most irritating part of it all being your usual delight in being contemptuous towards men.

Anyway, I pray that the divine and psychological help you need, with or without knowing, locates you ASAP.

faithfull18:
Well but you will be told when you are old, nobody will take care of you.

If you believe aged people are being taken care of by their children then you're in for a big surprise as they will so abandon you and face their lives and businesses. If God is not with you, you'll be the most miserable and lonely soul in your old age . So erase that mentality.

So many aged people you see walking around hopelessly, is it because they don't have children or they were not once married?

What about those in care homes? Don't they have families? They do. so why are they put in care home and not their childrens homes? Abeg drop this mentality.

If you want to have a fulfilled retirement life, put God first and have a good retirement plan so you won't have to depend on any one. Whether you have children or not.

Marriage is not a guarantee to a fulfilled retirement life.

@eriMma1,
Your feelings are valid. It's ok to have these unsettling feelings. Marriage is a life-altering step and your concerns show that you understand the gravity of a weighty step like this. But I'll tell you what my favorite pastor usually says that gives me courage, "What you're afraid of will not happen. " Now it's you turn to say amen 🙏☺️
Acknowledge your fears, build a friendship with the young man, and communicate honestly with him. You would like not to be saddled with all the physical and emotional work in your marriage, you'd like a partner that shares the burden and not one that shirks it. The women who have husbands that help out with chores, and babysit while their wives are busy, they're so blessed, especially in this part of the world. That you want a supportive husband and not a domineering husband is a good choice. Rather than dwell in fear, communicate and you might be pleasantly surprised as you come to know each other more. Don't forget prayers 🤲 too. You don't want to get it wrong 😑.

If you're willing to try, be vulnerable and communicate honestly, you will get a lot of things right. If it doesn't work out, at least you tried. If he's right for you, it'd be a shame to miss out because of fear built in the constant loop of negative stories in the media.

SanctifiedSista:
u need therapy. God warned me this year to be careful of wat am reading Abt people with issues with their marriage on social media..had to unfollow them cos it was getting so bad, I will wink my nose wen I see someone testify of how wonderful her husband is and my first impression is dat they are lying..
I give u d same advise... Go for therapy or therapy yourself by removing every bad story or divorce story Abt marraige from ya head

Because someone feels at peace single and is asking for advice he now needs theraphy. Omo where do people like you scoup out from nna eh. Give your advise and return to your hole abeg itk. Like your own life is better

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

Please include also that you overindulge in heavy masturbation and Lesbianism. Include the truth for balance, it helps people to advice you. Tell us about your intimacy gadgets. Jimjim my ass! Pretender does the worst.

Wait till when you become midnight newspaper

You will find true love at that stage.

If you don't like fish, don't taste fish oil.

You are an adult. Own your decisions with full chest. You've listed the downsides of marriage, which stimulated your decisions and they are valid.

Since you are a Christian, you must have read that passage that said "better to remain single than married". There's no problem with your undertakings.

Don't fret. Don't be cajoled. Because if you do, your husband and children will feel painful pangs from your end. Except otherwise.

If the disturb gets too much, you can choose an inaccessible location.

However, I hope this is not a coping mechanism. Not that you'll cry in the corner of the bedroom and come form a terminator online. Or, start screaming men are scum and how no man wants you, or how men are after your money instead of love in the future.

Stay well, dear sister.

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

You will beg for miracle husband in Shiloh of 3048.

AbujaCitiBlog:
Please include also that you overindulge in heavy masturbation and Lesbianism. Include the truth for balance, it helps people to advice you. Tell us about your intimacy gadgets. Jimjim my ass! Pretender does the worst.

Something you indulge greatly in don't dump it on others. Mr perfect

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

Things get rusty when not in use. You dont need no therapy. Just throw yourself into marriage and see yourself enjoying it in no distant time. The same way you started liking your spinsterhood is how married life will stick with you in a matter of a few years. You are not alone in that feeling. It's natural. Give it a go!

Nawa o

You could be aa narcissist

Just remain single, you are not a wife material. And, there's already a planned pattern you want to live your life, you have lived in that plan for over 30 years so it's obvious you won't succumb to any man..

DaddyRochie1642:
Then don't continue to deceive that Young single pastor by stringing him along, he too deserves happiness and a woman that wants to wholeheartedly be with him and start a future with him together.

Just don't get angry and jealous and bitter when another sister takes your place without thinking twice

You're a selfish person, you want to eat your cake and still have it. And you're giving off vibes that you'll not be a good wife for that man, so just save that man the stress and everybody else involved and let them know that you're not interested and continue enjoying your single life... Very simple solution.

EriMma1, this person don talk everything finish

zinaunreal:
Something you indulge greatly in don't dump it on others. Mr perfect

You won't keep quiet cursed fool and allow the pretender woman to answer! Men who can't control themselves like you should cut off their dick and hand it over to Bobrisky. I don't what your own is.

Don’t get married yet, wait for the perfect man , ok

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

Anty, tell them you're not interested, don't go and destroy somebody's ministry.

Just imagine if your mother was having that same though before you were born

CoronaVirusRelo:
Wait till when you become midnight newspaper

You will find true love at that stage.

is there anything like midnight newspaper?

I thought evening newspaper is the apogee

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

My advise to you is just REMAIN SINGLE because marriage isn't for everybody, you don't want anyone to control you, even you get married now, I'm still afraid for the future.

I want to ask you just a simple question that will help me understand you better.

How is the relationship between your mum and dad?

sanesta:
is there anything like midnight newspaper?

I thought evening newspaper is the apogee

Suya Newspaper. Those are the ones you find most at midnight.

Outdated newspaper!

Has no value and FREE for reading

Viewing this topic: A billion Nairalanders. Fascinating. The topic is very strong.


Anyway,

All I see here is a fantastic lazy fellow who wants to have all things her way.

Simply, take a lot of time on yourself, don't stress another person cause I'm sure you're never ready to work a marriage. You wouldn't want to sacrifice a dime for another fellow called man. Marriage is work. Will your thick body allow you?

What do you really want?

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

No need to stress urself na! Stay in ur comfort zone abeg! It is not by force to get married, stay with ur life as it is, just make sure u ve no regrets in ur old age, abi u don old already sef for a woman!🙄🙄🙄🙄

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

what's ur source of prick then, who dey oil u

@op, it's not compulsory that one must get married. It's not written anywhere.

Some men/women have chosen to remain single. It's not a sin. Those that get married are ready to cater for the issues that come with marriage.
If u can remain single without committing fornication, then fine. But in marriage, u can do all those lovable stuffs.
Just plan well.

Do whatever makes you happy.

Marriage is not for everyone.

Don't let a stupid Nigerian society dictate how you should live your life.