₦airaland Forum

Brother from this write up firstly I'm glad you have an understanding wife.
For your mother the best thing I will say is carrying on with how you're doing it no, don't feed her any info to use against your wife and in law, with time she will readjust.
And as for your wife just continue to make her happy, if your wife is happy your marriage will be fruitful.
Extra tip: don't listen to external noises, as a man you should be able to make your own decision and know what's good for you.
Cheers

Mindlog:
She saw what?🙄

Using spirituality to rationalize someone who is hate-filled and lacks empathy is very unreasonable.

You don't understand.

Unfortunately, you don't want to be too spiritual. Your mother was limited for loving to have more than a child. Signs are already showing that the limitation is also around your neck. Learn how to pray. That limitation might be generational. Stop saying I don't want to be too spiritual because you are an African, rather, be a good Christian, attend a Bible believing church.

Main while, many of your mama church branches na modern herbalist domains. If you have a background of white garment Church, the more reason to pray more, especially now that limitation is raising it's ugly head. Your wife has just started a battles, I pray the lord delivers you all. My opinion though

newwise1:
The matter don settle it self what else do you want to do, the closeness should not be force

Just be sending your mom money for upkeep then told her that you will be busy this days if she needs anything that she should call by doing so you will not be calling her everytime maybe you call one a week

For your wife just concentrate in fucking her until she got another belle
Don't discuss ur mom with her or her own mom and don't discuss ur wife with ur mom
I just come back from church let there peace

What a day to die in another man mater

better answer you give am.
I no why people dey form familiarity . also knowing that Nigerians Sabi form fake love.
personally I compartmentalize my relationship with people and I try not to make them mix.

You have longer years ahead to stay with your wife than your mum.

Live your life, your mum has been living her life ever before you were born.

YOUR MOTHER IS PATIENCE OZOKWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YOUR MOTHER IS WAHALA WHALA WAHALA,SHE IS THE CHAIRPERSON VAWULENT UNION GROUP....TAME YOUR MUM BEFORE SHE DESTROYS YOUR HOME

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

I suffered a similar fate at the earliest stage of my marriage though I wasn't an only child but time resolved everything.

Please, you and your wife should go to your mum, kneel down and apologise to her and beg her to forgive both of you in anyway she thinks you both offended her.

Your wife may not like that but do it for peace to reign.

Marriage ehn.

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

To all of you single guys out there, listen up!

The moral lesson from this tale is this:

If you want to have your piece of mind, AVOID GETTING MARRIED !!!

Nwodosis:
You are a good man and loves your wife.
One becomes an automatic bad wife to her husband's family if the husband is the breadwinner of the entire family. In your own scenario, you are not only the breadwinner but also the only child, double wahala. Don't try to please anybody at the detriment of your marriage. With time and when the kids start coming, the tension will gradually die off, but for now focus on your marriage and ignore any third party that's against the success of your marriage.

You too get brain. Thumbs up bro

Zonefree:
Guard your heart diligently if you're expecting true care and love from a Nigerian woman except your mum.

You're a damaged soul, that's why you cant love and be loved. pele

I hardly quote people on nairaland but your submission drew my attention. Nice input 👍

frozen70:
I think you and your wife will have to discuss on how best to reconcile your mum, with her mum and her too

All these drama is falling on you because you have to love them all equally

When your wife agrees to the reconciliation, invite your mum a day and invite your mother in law the next day

Seat the three of them down and let them know that you love them all and you want them to show love and respect to themselves if they all truly wants your happiness as you too wants their happiness

When you are done talking, let your wife move close to your mum and hug her and tell her that she loves her and wants her to see her as her daughter

That, if she has does anything wrong that she should say it so that she will apologize
Am sure your mum have no good reason to what made her hate her, your mum will embraze her as a daughter and the will reconcile

Then you guys will leave the seating room and ask the two mothers to reconcile themselves

By the time you come back, they will make peace with themselves and unity and love will reign in the mist of three of them

From there, they will be communicating steady with each other on phone

Then your wife will make it a point of duty to show love to your mum and always visit her and spend time with her so that they can bond well

Your wife doesn't need to argue or challenge your mum because she is her mother in law, your mum is getting old and she has the tendencies of having a feeling that your wife is talking you away from her, you are the only thing that makes her happy and gives her reason to be happy so just see it that way

Your wife needs to understand that, you are the only person your mum have and she should rather draw herself closer to mum than thinking of taking you a distance from mum

Your mother in law is just there to protect the interest of her daughter and nothing else

Both women should be communicating with themselves steadly and visit each other if possible to create a good bonding

Lastly, you are trying to provide for them as you have stated
Just keep it up its not easy as all of them wants your attention and care

You have a very good mother in law. God bless her

Santinho:
I hardly quote people on nairaland but your submission drew my attention. Nice input 👍

Thanks dear, I appreciate you

Zonefree:
His mother in-law is the one around giving attitude not his mom.

His mom is far away from the family but she still extends her motherly love trying to save her son from impending danger.

Are you sure you did comprehension in school. Pls read and understand what the guy wrote. Obviously, the guy sees sth wrong with his mothers attitude and does not want it to degenerate, hence his seeking for advice, why call him all forms of derogatory names just because you hate women. Pls, if you have nothing to contribute, just pass- after all you're neither married nor will you be married in the next 10years, so just get off this thread. This is sth i witnessed first hand and yet my mother in-law was very unrepentant. I was even the one who settled the rift btw my husband and his mother because when i met him, they were sworn enemies- to which she attested to, but later, i became her enemy for no reason. Its a problem you cant solve with Yoruba mother-in-laws. They're just like that. There's nothing anyone can do about their attitude
My own even kept dragging her son until he died- now what else can she do?. Thank God im a strong woman, i dare her to come close to my kids now, ill end her miserable life for her. Nonsense

dannex4adx:
You don't understand.

My own understanding is that such a person needs to assessed for schizophrenia as a first step.

The hardest place for a deeply genuine man/woman is to have to choose who's (mother/father, wife/husband, son/daughter etc) side to be on, if he chooses one, the thought of the rejected will forever haunt, and should things not go well with the chosen one, the regret of whether the choice was a good one remains... When a boy loses his father, especially a first or only son, the boy becomes like the Mother's little husband, providing her with everything but sexual intimacy. Many widows unconsciously develop this bond with their sons without thoughts for healthy boundaries and thought for when his wife comes... While it reflects a mother's deep seated worry about being neglected, it reveals the sad truth that when women become widows in Africa, they are not allowed to transition, cope with the realities of their loss. At the best, they give them traditional mourning practices and gbam! carry own with your life, this leads them to being taken advantage of by those who secretly desired her while her husband was alive and such widows choosing to love their sons afterall their sons remind them of their late husbands and their sons truly, deeply love them without wanting sex.
This situations happen alot and tbh, it is the true test that makes a man out of you. First of, because you re dealing with 3 women, always remember they are emotional. When a woman complains or reports something, an inexperienced man will want to get up right away and "fix it" only to realize afterwards it was not much of an issue or it becomes a bigger issue, when it could have well been left alone. 2. Starting with you, in that order, think about the decision you make and the outcome of events, who will it's consequences affect more? for example, when your baby died (my apologies for your loss, may it never happen again) who felt it most - I want to say your wife, which in turn affected you both as a couple FIRST. All mothers, their status as mother/parent of child/children did not change but you and your wife were denied. So my dear, honour the Mothers, yes, but love and protect your wife from both of them. It will be hard but progress is not achieved by laying on the couch or without conflict. Tell your mother-in-law to leave, no matter how much value she is to you and your wife, her presence is fostering if not aggravating a festering illwill from your mother, this is not to please your mother but to protect your home, your wife, which is what you are called to do as a man and husband.
For now, whatever bonds between you and your mother, your wife and mother-in-law need to be redefined and that cannot be accomplished if they are too close to you and your wife. The old must give way for the new otherwise the new will never grow talkless of ushering in a new generation.
Take your wife as far away from your families for now, if their presence was beneficial and they were not bickering, one of you all would have caught on how this selfishness is impacting on the spiritual tone of the home which evil powers love to take advantage of.
Once far away, you and your wife with the help of prayers and the Holy Spirit (notice, I don't mention external church or pastor, why, cause you are the Pastor, your home the church, your wife, the congregation that will birth growth) would be able to see the strongholds from both sides, deconstruct them and build your own Strongholds.
In Jesus Christ's Mighty Name, you will succeed (Amen)

Nwodosis:
You are a good man and loves your wife.
One becomes an automatic bad wife to her husband's family if the husband is the breadwinner of the entire family. In your own scenario, you are not only the breadwinner but also the only child, double wahala. Don't try to please anybody at the detriment of your marriage. With time and when the kids start coming, the tension will gradually die off, but for now focus on your marriage and ignore any third party that's against the success of your marriage.

Let him put his mother where she belongs. Thank God he takes after his father. Your marriage is your life and nobody has a right to intrude without your invitation. His mother is evil. She doesn't love him one bit.

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

Wow. This is interesting. I must say you are a real man and GOD bless you real good. I am super impressed especially as I have spent 7 years going through the same thing. So much that I had to spend 1 month in a mental home last year.

It is a difficult situation and I statue your courage. I wish I can give you a big hug.

You have handled this well so far and behaved like a good son and husband but tell you what? It is time you spelt things in ABC to your mom.

I will sit her down and tell her she has two choices.

1. Accept my happiness by accepting my wife and gain a daughter.

2. Continue to stick to her guns and lose a son.

Until you do this and stick to your guns by ceasing contact altogether she won't stop.

My own issue is worst. My parents didn't really accept my wife because of my wife's fault but when they know where I stand they had no choice than to accept only for bad manners from my wife's side to ruin it.

Show your mom your happiness first if she falls in line and your wife then misbehaves show her too that you know your mom before her. The two of them will eventually behave.

Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."



This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.


Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?

I'll tell you.

Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.

But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. [b]Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo [/b]and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.

Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.

Shalom.

@bolded, I did not know the pennnis is a shoe cobbler o

StrongAlphMale:
Unfortunately you're the daft one here. How can you as a woman gets married or plans to get married to a man's family where your husband's family, esp his mother doesn't like you? Yet you insisted and Went ahead to marry him because you supposedly feel he's Rich and has money?

Don't you have sense? The moment a man's family, esp his mother doesn't approved of you marrying his son common wisdom is supposed to tell you to find your square root ASAP, otherwise if you eventually push your way and marry him there would be war from his mother to you and your mother, which is exactly what is happening in the op's marriage.

The family say Dem no want you, you still dey force yourself enter, las las Dem Begin persecute you, you start to dey rant. Receive sense it's Free! A family doesn't want you, then stay away from them.

Daft people are actually better than you because it's obvious you are senseless, also, it seems comprehension skills escaped your brain, because I'm trying to understand the correlation between my comment and your senseless rant

I quoted an idiot that skipped understanding claiming to know the Op's mum better than the Op, you are telling me what the wife did or didn't do, she is already in the marriage, you dey rant on what she should have done before marriage, na you wan unmarry her or what? We are trying to move forward, you dey think and move backward, na so your brain develop reach?

What is the solution since Op is already married, abi you no fit read and understand wetin Op type? He said his mum is the problem, why is the wife your focus, abi you no dey reason?

Sense is free, use it diligently.

Allow your mum be. Keep ur mum away from your family. Never tell her about any pregnancy once another one comes

I love you Bro/Sis... More wisdom in the mighty name of Allah.

Dear friend, you can peacefully order your wife to make peace with your mom for peace to be restored, and she should also prepare her mind to overlook whatever reply she got from her. Slow and steady, everything will be fine.

God will intervene.

Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."



This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.


Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?

I'll tell you.

Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.

But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.

Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.

Shalom.

It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and I can understand how challenging it must be for you to navigate the complex dynamics between your wife and your mother. It's important to remember that everyone involved has their own feelings, perspectives, and experiences, and it's not always easy to find a solution that works for everyone.

One thing to consider is the importance of communication. It's possible that your mother and your wife have not had an opportunity to sit down and have an open and honest conversation about what happened and how they can move forward. While it may be difficult, it might be worth trying to facilitate a conversation between them, perhaps with a neutral third party present to help mediate.

It's also important to set boundaries and expectations with both your mother and your wife. While you may want them to get along, it's not reasonable to expect them to be close if they don't want to be. It's important to respect their boundaries and allow them to have their own relationship on their own terms.

Additionally, it's important to continue to support your wife and show her that you are on her side. It's not fair for your mother to say negative things about her, and it's important to stand up for your wife when necessary.

In the end, there may not be a perfect solution, but by communicating openly, setting boundaries, and continuing to support your wife, you can work towards a solution that works for everyone involved.

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

This is deep.

I deduced from your story that:
1. You are the only Son/child
2. it seems your father is late
3. You married a woman she had reservations about. (Although that's normal).
4. Your mother stays very far away from you.
Yet, you seldomly call her
5. Your mother-in-law is living with you without any plan to leave.
6. You only send money to her, no family bonding in your story.
7. You didn't encourage your wife to call her often.

Why won't she give you problem? It's up to you to make the amends.

Call her as often as possible
Make her feel loved
Always request for her prayers.
Remember that, Mother-in-laws and our wives should be best of gist mates. They would always think and act good for us
By this, she will give you your desired peace and not all those negative vibes

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

Women always have reservations for everything. That’s their nature. When it works well , you won’t see them talk they will hailing her. If it turns out bad they will say, I said it. Funny creature. I don’t tell them anything I’m about to do in life , they must tell you “ just be careful. Instead of yes or no. Lol

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

Xx

Nwodosis:
You are a good man and loves your wife.
One becomes an automatic bad wife to her husband's family if the husband is the breadwinner of the entire family. In your own scenario, you are not only the breadwinner but also the only child, double wahala. Don't try to please anybody at the detriment of your marriage. With time and when the kids start coming, the tension will gradually die off, but for now focus on your marriage and ignore any third party that's against the success of your marriage.

I understand your plight
But as a man, are you saying he should ignore his own biological mother.
I am not been biased and wont condole unreal stuffs. We shouldn't just focus on the mother alone. Lets look deeply ahead.
Do u know at times
What we might not see
This elder tends to see far ahead.

imagrg:
I suffered a similar fate at the earliest stage of my marriage though I wasn't an only child but time resolved everything.

Please, you and your wife should go to your mum, kneel down and apologise to her and beg her to forgive both of you in anyway she thinks you both offended her.

Your wife may not like that but do it for peace to reign.

Marriage ehn.

The woman who lost a child nko??

My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

Bro dont hate ur mum for ur wife
Please be guided
I have once fall in this category sometimes ago
I applied maturity.
And all goes well later.
Do not hate ur mum because of your wife master.
If your mum didnt birth you, ur wife wont see u.
Remember wifey might go away in life when life turns red in living and financial aspect,but ur family remains till christ comes.

Your mum is genuinely jealous which is common with some mothers.

Pray for grace to manage the situation manly. It won't be easy, but I see your wife is quite understanding. Put her first in everything you do, your priority is her now.
Crave for more understanding from her to see reasons why your mum is acting untoward.
Then "pamper" your mum like you never left
Your wife can try breaking the silence from time to time. Both of you should pay your mum visits from time to time.
Allow your mother inlaw broker that peace.
If all these attempts don't yield any peace, you don try, this one na Patience Ozokwor matter

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

I wish I could tell you peace will return, but, what if it doesn't?


Focus on your family, everyone will adjust.

stainlessnature:
This is deep.

I deduced from your story that:
1. You are the only Son/child
2. it seems your father is late
3. You married a woman she had reservations about. (Although that's normal).
4. Your mother stays very far away from you.
Yet, you seldomly call her
5. Your mother-in-law is living with you without any plan to leave.
6. You only send money to her, no family bonding in your story.
7. You didn't encourage your wife to call her often.

Why won't she give you problem? It's up to you to make the amends.

Call her as often as possible
Make her feel loved
Always request for her prayers.
Remember that, Mother-in-laws and our wives should be best of gist mates. They would always think and act good for us
By this, she will give you your desired peace and not all those negative vibes

I don’t understand people at all.. Did you read the narration at all before coming to conclusions? Smh try to get sense pls