| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by INDUSTRIALFAN(m): 1:22pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."
This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.
Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?
I'll tell you.
Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.
But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.
Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.
Shalom. oga shift go one side. Na your type go see true but because of blind selfish loyalty keep quiet while innocent people suffer. 1 Like |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by Thermodynamics(m): 1:22pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.
So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.
For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.
We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.
To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.
The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.
Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.
I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..
After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.
My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.
The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏
See eh, don't even bother trying to make peace between your wife and your mum, religion can be a big problem, your mum is deep in her religious belief, she probably had some mumble jumbo dream about your wife and she thinks your wife is out to destroy you. She will never make peace with someone she thinks wants to destroy her only son, the problem her is that religion has messed up your mum psychologically and you cannot pull her out of that, just accept things the way they are and move on. But always try to protect your wife from your mum, you are the only protection and support your wife can get, you know your mum is acting irrationally due to religion, it'll be stupid for you that is thinking right to allow your mum destroy your marriage. This was how about 4people including me had a similar bad dream about my brother's fiancee back then, thank God my brother didn't listen to us and went ahead to marry the woman. They are now happily married for years now with no issue, she is very perfect. Take this advice please. 2 Likes |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by Ekugbeh(m): 1:24pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
You saw the tendencies of your mom before now but you chose to ignore them and that's the problem.
Always nip the bud before it spiralbowls |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by AnaCheks(m): 1:25pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."
This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.
Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?
I'll tell you.
Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.
But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.
Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.
Shalom. I pity the wife you'll marry. 1 Like |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by Beremx(f): 1:26pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Zonefree:
Dirty bag of beans, you now check the number of Likes on Nairaland Ass-wipe, get a life and stop exhibiting idiotic failed upbringing from your mother on nairaland. It says a lot how your childhood was damaged and can never be redeemed. Instead of hating on all women, why not channel your hatred on your loving mother who failed to properly train you in the absence of your father? Thunder fire you if you quote me again!! 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by duncan511: 1:27pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Norah199:
She’s tried everything. I don’t just buy her talks and that’s the problem. She believed I have been bewitched. She has said several times I have been giving love portion Guy man, the matter don settle already, just continue to help your mom financially and don’t discuss anything concerning your wife and marriage with your mom or with your mother-in- law don’t discuss with them, you and your wife keep your Marriage and don’t listen third party concerning your marriage |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by dannex4adx(m): 1:29pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.
So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.
For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.
We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.
To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.
The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.
Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.
I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..
After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.
My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.
The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏
You shouldn't have married someone your parent doesn't like. Your mom is a spiritual person and she knows what she saw, God has revealed somethings to her about your wife, that was why she told you not to marry her. That's why she accused your wife that sebi you don't want children. I pray that may God give you the wisdom and knowledge to handle the situation. |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by feyisy86(m): 1:30pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
I really learnt from this, he who have ear let him hear. Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."
This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.
Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?
I'll tell you.
Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.
But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.
Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.
Shalom. |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by aktolly54(m): 1:34pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.
So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.
For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.
We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.
To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.
The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.
Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.
I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..
After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.
My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.
The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏
Did you ever pray about it before you wedded your wife? Or you consult any pastor you trust to inquiry about your future with your wife ? Or you are just this kind person who don't believe in spiritual thing thinking everything is just normal about life? If you are such kind of person that I pity you in advance because you never understand this cruel world we live in. Because problem never show don't mean it won't show, unless you have someone like your mother who can pray or better pray for yourself. Prayer should be part of your daily routine. 12 in the night to 2am daily and fast 3days every week. |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by femu(m): 1:35pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.
So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.
For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.
We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.
To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.
The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.
Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.
I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..
After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.
My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.
The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏
What kind of relationship did your mother have with your late father? Try to study your mother very well |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by frozen70(f): 1:37pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
|
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by obinna58(m): 1:38pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
I’m not surprised your dad is dead, he must have suffered in the hands of jezebel |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by AnaCheks(m): 1:38pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.
So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.
For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.
We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.
To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.
The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.
Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.
I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..
After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.
My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.
The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏
.... You are truly a man. Keep it up. Now from what you wrote up here, you are the man, you have to make your mum understand she has no right in your marriage. Yes, as far as your marriage is concerned, she is a third party. She should stay clear. If you don't make her understand that now, she will stress the hell out of you. Everyone in my family knows, if you disrespect my wife, you have disrespected me, and i will you show you shege. If you left your fathers house to go to her house to marry her, mehn, she deserves every respect from your family including your mum. My happiness is that you Love your wife and she have not disrespected your mum in any way.. Make your mum fall in line, and enjoy your marriage 2 Likes |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by Moneyboyz: 1:38pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."
This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.
Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?
I'll tell you.
Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.
But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.
Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.
Shalom. Mumu, so he should leave his wife and Marry his mum? |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by Mercury12(m): 1:40pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.
So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.
For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.
We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.
To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.
The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.
Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.
I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..
After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.
My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.
The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏
I wish your Father was alive. He would had easily solved this situation for you and you won't need to post it on nairaland 1 Like |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by dagano: 1:41pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
You're a good man. A very good man. I'll tell you a short story. Before I got married, my mom called me close to advise me and said she respects my choice of a wife and that she will never try to come between my wife and I. She said she knows how emotional and controlling mothers can be but she's giving me her word so that if she changes her tune, I should remind her of our conversation. It's been 8 years now and my mom has never interfered in my marriage. Everyone knows their boundaries.
I would advise you to create your boundaries. Never give your mom as much freedom with your family. Your wife is next in the heirarchy of order. Not your mom. Treat your mom with love and respect but let her know that you are responsible for your family and will not tolerate any violation of your peace. Your mom will respect your authority and your wife will be assured of her peace. You have left your mum to cleave to your wife and now "both are one". I wish you athe best marriage has to offer. Thanks for being a good husband. Cheers to better years. 1 Like |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by StrongAlphMale: 1:42pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
BlongTrendies:
You don't know how bad some moms can be when melting out all manner of attitudes on their daughter-in laws. He knows his mom better than anyone. And I can sense that he is even hiding a lot of things his mom has even done. All in a bid not make her look bad.
He knows that he is in deep shit that's why he is speaking out. The fact that none of the people he is reporting to is talking to her speaks volumes.
When it was both of them alone, things were fine. He is in a situation he can't understand yet. And he has alot to learn cos that mama won't stop until she's done.
Did you see his emphasis on: I made her comfortable before my marriage so she won't have an excuse to hate the bride coming in. The mama get for hand on a good day.
I bought my mother in law a car to get on her good side. She opened a whole black book of encyclopaedia on my head. Your wife should not worry herself OJare. She should be of good behaviour not confront her in any away.
Until we hear the op's mom side of this story, this story no clear. The OP painted the whole narrative to make it seem like the mother is evil. That's a turn off. The wife on the other side isn't even helping matters. What stops her from calling her mother in law? If she had made reasonable efforts to make peace with her mother in law and the woman refuses then we can be sure on how to go about this, knowing that the woman is the problem. The OP is obviously hiding something. The mother can't just hate the wife overnight even though there are Women like that. Which one is he shouldn't confront her in any way? The OP should talk to his wife to play her path and seek for peace. |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by LordIsaac(m): 1:43pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."
This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.
Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?
I'll tell you.
Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.
But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.
Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.
Shalom. This is a horrible advice for this situation. Don't listen to it! You and your wife are one, and it is your responsibility to deliver her from any harm (your marriage vow includes that). Take that woman and carry her faaaar from both mothers .. anyone can do Omugwo. For if you let that your good wife turn bad because of your being mummy's boy, you will cut short your life on earth. Apologize to your wife on your mum's behalf and separate them forever, at least, until your mum receives some sense (I'm sorry, no better word to use here). |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by lereinter(m): 1:43pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
This is a very big issue
Thank God you are the only child |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by Abemy(m): 1:44pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."
This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.
Iol, dey your head.
I realized this about four months ago, blood indeed is thicker than water.
Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?
I'll tell you.
Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.
But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.
Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.
Shalom. |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by rollywise(m): 1:44pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
You are married to your wife and not your mum or mother in-law. So your greatest focus should be your wife. Keep doing what you are doing for your mum coz mother is supreme but keep your wife away from her. Let her be the one to realize and want to see her. Till then, don't force any relationship between them. 1 Like |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by Youngqueen(f): 1:45pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
I know your mom type ooi. My mom could be like that. Don't let her pass the night in your home. Max one night. She likes trouble. Pet your wife biko. She deserves it. Your mom in law is a good woman...but still be careful of women. Just put both mothers faraway from your home biko. I dislike troubling a new mom... how much more a grieving one. It is well.
Ps. I'm a mom and a wife so i understand your situation. 1 Like |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by Gentlevip: 1:45pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Its simple be the man. Ignore their ways
If your mother insist. Turn religious and say the Lord has spoken to you to always honor both mother and wife. And nothing ill must ever come in between
If your mother has senior whom she respect. Make them like your wife and warm your mother not to destroy a home
But remember be the man. No home is perfect. |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by bitingcool: 1:47pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."
This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.
Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?
I'll tell you.
Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.
But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.
Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.
Shalom. You are an evil person. Your bitterness will ruin you. Yes, his wife is not his relative for a reason.. his wife is the same flesh with him..under God and under the law. carry your bitterness elsewhere 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by marostan(m): 1:48pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
My guy! Bone your mama and mother-inlaw! For this matter eh, make the 2 old women go sort themselves out. Face your wife and marriage. Just allow the level of communication existing between each parties to be. All the best in this situation. |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by carsuperman: 1:49pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
No woman in this world can love you genuinely like your mother. Even your wife doesn't love you 100%, trust me |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by StrongAlphMale: 1:53pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Youngqueen:
I know your mom type ooi. My mom could be like that. Don't let her pass the night in your home. Max one night. She likes trouble. Pet your wife biko. She deserves it. Your mom in law is a good woman...but still be careful of women. Just put both mothers faraway from your home biko. I dislike troubling a new mom... how much more a grieving one. It is well.
Ps. I'm a mom and a wife so i understand your situation. Why always women giving problem in this world? Do we all agreed that a male child is by far better than a female child? Because it appears the bolded confirms it. We have never heard Father inlaw, son, his father all fighting? |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by Berrityga: 1:58pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Ask your mum to tell you the truth about your child's death!! She killed your child so she can destroy your family and marry you to one white garment lady that all the prophets and alphas has slept with. Seek spiritual help. |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by 00FFT00(m): 1:58pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."
This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.
Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?
I'll tell you.
Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.
But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.
Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.
Shalom. You're shallow minded. On what premise did you arrive at your accusation of a man who told a story as he experienced it?. What is there to say that a mother cannot do wrong or must be accommodated at all cost?. I read through his account, and in no sentence did I read him disparaging his mother or any of the participants. Grow up. 1 Like |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by Mindlog: 2:00pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
dannex4adx:
You shouldn't have married someone your parent doesn't like. Your mom is a spiritual person and she knows what she saw, God has revealed somethings to her about your wife, that was why she told you not to marry her. That's why she accused your wife that sebi you don't want children.
I pray that may God give you the wisdom and knowledge to handle the situation. She saw what?🙄 Using spirituality to rationalize someone who is hate-filled and lacks empathy is very unreasonable. 1 Like |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by StrongAlphMale: 2:03pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
Jovialjune1:
It's either you are daft, or you lack comprehension skills
Op that clearly knows his mother very well said she is the problem not his mother in law and wife, you an inconsequential moniker on a faceless forum insists on being senseless because it has to do with Nigerian ladies,
If we should go by your daft narrative, your mother that was not part of your father's family, a total stranger, if she was treated badly by your dad's mother and family, would you have the effontery to type your usual trash on here? Sense is free, use it. Unfortunately you're the daft one here. How can you as a woman gets married or plans to get married to a man's family where your husband's family, esp his mother doesn't like you? Yet you insisted and Went ahead to marry him because you supposedly feel he's Rich and has money? Don't you have sense? The moment a man's family, esp his mother doesn't approved of you marrying his son common wisdom is supposed to tell you to find your square root ASAP, otherwise if you eventually push your way and marry him there would be war from his mother to you and your mother, which is exactly what is happening in the op's marriage. The family say Dem no want you, you still dey force yourself enter, las las Dem Begin persecute you, you start to dey rant. Receive sense it's Free! A family doesn't want you, then stay away from them. |
| Re: Problem With My Wife, Mother, And Mother Inlaw. by Mindlog: 2:06pm On Feb 20, 2023 |
carsuperman:
No woman in this world can love you genuinely like your mother. Even your wife doesn't love you 100%, trust me You never visit female prison before! The OP's mother certainly do not genuinely love her son thus this thread. Your children do not have to be your puppets, free your "hold" on them, let them live their own lives and stop being a helicopter hovering over them! 2 Likes |
