shaybebaby:


No cap, if it were me, I'd cut her off! She's lived her life, I have to live mine..with or without her.

You'd cut off your mother for age long mother-in-law daughter-in-law fight? Fear God now!

The problem with your writeup us that at each time your mother misbehaves and you ought to call her to order, you day 'I didnt say anything,' or 'I decided to keep quiet' ! Keep keeping quiet you hear, until your mother eventually ruins your life and marriage... Bia, where is your father sef? I don't think you commented about that in your writeup abi na me no see am? Use your tongue to count your teeth young man... Keep your mother as far from your marriage as possible. Even the bible says "a man shall leave his father and MOTHER and cling to his WIFE! There is a reason why God gave that instruction. Your mother was very insensitive to bring such accusations and heartache on a young woman that was already grieving the loss of her child and was in post operation pain... The truth is its not an issue of your mother liking or not liking your wife. your mother sees your wife as competition and it would have been the same regardless of whom you married. She is an adult and that's her prerogative, just tell her to manage her emotions and keep her drama far from your family.
Fulfill all responsibility towards your mother but learn to say the truth to her face and learn to defend shield your wife from her. A wife values a husband that defends her from unwarranted attacks.

Ur mum made a very dangerous statement that ur wife does not want a child,u will understand it 5 years from now

Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."



This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.


Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?

I'll tell you.

Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.

But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.

Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.

Shalom.

You are a trouble maker. From the story, what wrong did the wife do? She lost a baby for christsake and nobody, even the MIL and her Mother has a right to add to her anguish. She lost a child and you want her to call her MIL to ask for peace? Are you serious? Have you lost a child before? Why should the MIL generate issues on a family grieving their lost child? Her MIL should allow the family breath peace abeg.

I will advise OP to live further apart from his mother if he wants to have a peaceful home. You know your mother and what she portends. Your wife is calm from your story and respects you. Some women will blame the loss on the lack of peace which your mum engineered. Give your mum all her dues but minimise communications until necessary. You need peace so your wife can move on by having a child (which is possible in a peaceful environment). People that have lived their own matrimonial life now wants to impede into another home. Be selfish about your future, else, everyone will run through you till you are dry.

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

I think the best bet is for you and your wife to have another baby to persuade your mother that there is nothing wrong going on. A child should also soften your mother's heart. In the meantime continue to manage things as you have, honestly I cannot fault you for how you have handled things so far, you did your best under the circumstances.

LikeAking:


Bros, stop giving any of them attention.

Your mother, wife, mother inlaw. Gaslight of all them, this problem go stop.

That's how you handle women.

Ignore them. Just Waka commot without saying a word when they start their childish acts

Love this address. Simply focus all your energy in bringing forth your own lineage. Your mum cannot give you your own lineage. Your mum cannot bear you children. Focus on bringing forth your kids. Take care of your mum and mother in-law but donot get into their roforofo. Focus on planting your seed into your mum . .. sorry your wife. Ignore any talk of this fight from all of them

Protect your marriage, shield your wife. Sooner or later your mum will return to normal sense. Or maybe never.

You said something "now i have peace" your peace is important. If their not speaking to each other will give you peace, brother leave am like that. You are a hustling guy carry alot of load you don't need their problems. You mum is not a bad woman her emotions as all women is working against her, because she is loney and you are the only child. I just pray she does not go beyond to something fetish. Now brother if you have money get her busy rent a shop stock it up let her run it, let her get busy. Half of your problems will be solved

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

You too carry your two legs to marry from the east. Carry your what's in peace, marriage isn't dating, you make such decision based on correct information.

Weirdcamila:
Your mom is a trouble maker.

I agree with this!

Three dimensional family problems.

All of them women


Haa!
You are finished.

Rubbish!

Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."



This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.


Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?

I'll tell you.

Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.

But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.

Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.

Shalom.

Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."



This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.


Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?

I'll tell you.

Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.

But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.

Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.

Shalom.

Tell am o.. Before his wife,was his mom. But some men sha.. You think if your wife was in your shoes,she will behave like you? Before I start para,make I comot body for this matter

Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."



This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.


Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?

I'll tell you.

Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.

But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.

Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.

Shalom.

So what is your adive here?
He should start fighting with his wife right?

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

You are doing well. Sorry for the loss. God will give you another one. I loss my first child too, but I have 2 kids today. Keep it up. However, try to talk to your wife to keep showing love to your mum. It is a hard advice, but it works. She may not call her for now, that should not be done grudgingly, but with love to show your mother that she is not happy with her.

Lastly, be prayerful and commit both families to God's hand for HIM to have HIS way. Serve also in HIS vineyard faithfully and do not take no for an answer. It is well with you.

Just let them be, you are wise, Let your wife and mother be, meanwhile keep taking care of your family. I am not religious, but i believe in God and he is with Us. You used to go to Church, maybe you should also try praying and reading your bible. Don't look for enemies or witches, dont believe in dreams that show someone is an enemy, no human is an enemy, the enemy is not flesh, but trust in God to work on their hearts, the secret is to have peace in your mind, making sure you are fair and wise. When God is with you, you will know, there will be peace, that peace can be impacted to others around you.

Don't dwell in their quarrels, we as people especially when we belief certain things, are vulnerable to forces beyond us, if the negative forces cannot get to you, it will try to use those dear to you, but because you love your wife and mother, you have not been harsh to them and have understood them, but you also need to have peace in yourself and have faith for them.

Norah199:

She’s tried everything. I don’t just buy her talks and that’s the problem. She believed I have been bewitched. She has said several times I have been giving love portion

Please tell your mum not to do any spiritual work against your marriage to scatter it, if that happens, you will never forgive her, because I see them preparing spiritual work to scatter your marriage and disgrace your wife.


Your wife is a good person.

Please talk to your mum.

It's a generational issue in your family that the women always decide what happens.

Na man you be.

I pray protection for you and your family in the MIGHTIEST NAME OF OUR LORD CHRIST JESUS. Amen.

Contact me for counseling.

zrocky:
I just pray she does not go beyond to something fetish.

Word!

That's my concern too. My 'disowned mother' may just be like yours.

Yes! I already disowned her in my heart

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

Let things stay the way they are. If they don't see or speak to each other, then there will be no quarreling or fighting.

sexy74:

My advice is call your mum and have a gear to heart talk with her, what led to the sudden quarrels.
In as much based on what you said I don't like what your mother did, you cannot trust all of them they are women.
I believe there must be something your mother has seen that is heavy for her to talk with her mouth.
I support that idea which your mother said that your mother inlwas should have gone nad come back, it's for your own good you would not understand, but you will as time passes.
Another advice don't let your inlwas stayore than one month I. Your house, e get reason.
May wisdom never depart from you

Are you speaking from experience or you are just talking what comes to your mind?

1. Whatever her mum has against his wife should be dead by now. Is the mother expecting his son to divorce his wife?

2. Have you stayed with a pregnant woman in her last months? She needs care more than the previous months. And she is delicate at that point. Her mother who is there is right to continue until she gives birth. My own MIL was with us a month before delivery. And you need to see her input in making sure everything goes well.

3. Allowing your inlaw stay with you is dependent on how they are relatable. Some people have no issue and can stay with you. Some people needs a long spoon to deal with. There is no general rule here. it depends on the in-law

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

Let your mum be, focus on your family, don't stop whatever responsibility you're doing for your mum but give her space and don't let her interfere between your family...

She's bitter at the moment and with time, her mind will come to rest, in fact, when your wife take in again, don't let your mum know until after birth...
God will give you wisdom to overcome this...



I have observed that when a woman didn't enjoy her marriage, she turns bitter and won't want anyone to enjoy her sons when they settle...

If she's visiting you anyhow without informing you, pls, move to another apartment without letting her know until she come to her senses..

Family sometimes are our greatest enemies

Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."



This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.


Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?

I'll tell you.

Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.

But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.

Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.

Shalom.

Related by blood doesnt meant they want peace of mind for you... Know your true family...

Nwodosis:
You are a good man and loves your wife.
One becomes an automatic bad wife to her husband's family if the husband is the breadwinner of the entire family. In your own scenario, you are not only the breadwinner but also the only child, double wahala. Don't try to please anybody at the detriment of your marriage. With time and when the kids start coming, the tension will gradually die off, but for now focus on your marriage and ignore any third party that's against the success of your marriage.

If u follow this advice . U have solved this problematic issues raised by 99%

This is an immature response.

If the wife had died as a result of complications from child birth, the man will also move on. Infact it is easier for a man to move on after the death of a spouse.

An only child always face this situation. Your mum will always want to have her way in your general life. Unfortunately you have to live with it as nothing will make her change her attitude. I will advise you don't try to change the status quo as that can escalate tensions if not well handled.

Children have a way of bridging divides so concentrate on making a couple of babies and see things fall into place into place. Male children especially will be ideal as your mother will be rest assured that her lineage will continue. So please read every available material on the best times to copulate with your spouse to have a higher chance of having a male child

Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."



This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.


Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?

I'll tell you.

Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.

But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.

Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.

Shalom.

Zonefree:

What if she's trying to save him from unforseen harm? No mum will be quiet or comfortable seeing his only son going into deep shiit, and remember, a man in love sees no evil.

Mothers are known to be troublesome when it comes to this
Is general everywhere, one just have to apply wisdom or you distance the two mothers and stay away from them

Bros it is well with you.See it is not all information that you tell both your mum and your mom inlaw.The first mistake you made is by making your mum to know that your mother inlaw is still with you.Being the only child your mum will see your wife has her rival but she forgot that you have to marry too.Try to talk to your wife to pls forgive your mum and call her .No matter what she's still the one that need to reconcile with her.I knew she was in pain and your mum added to her pain.
Then you have to pray that God should change your mum's mind and bring love and harmony between your wife and mum.Note there shouldn't be any closeness too but you need to bring peace back.May God touch both parties heart . Amen

/

On the contrary, your wife should have done due diligence and avoided you like a plague. No woman will ever be good enough for you as far as your mother is concerned. You are her investment and she is emotionally blackmailing you. She is living her life through you.

With the level of animosity between your mother and wife, you are one step away from a pastor telling you that your mother was responsible for the death of your child.

Your problem is complicated and complex. Depending on how much you can handle the truth, the problem is your mother. She refused to get a life of her own. You have to find a way to manage her which may include tough love.

/

TheGoodAmerican:
Your MIL: is a good woman. Despite all your mom's insults towards her and her daughter, she's still willing to make peace with your mom, even without your mom apologizing to her/them nor showing any remorse.

Your mom: on the other hand, is hate-filled, and will not change. She didn't like your wife before your marriage and is still talking bad about her and her family. Your wife lost her baby and instead of her to call and console her, she chose to insult her and her mother to boot.

You: need to be firm with your mom that her verbal and emotional abuse towards your wife and her mom/family must stop. It's time you speak up and stand up for your wife. As her husband, it's your duty to protect her and if you can't do that, then you're enabling your mom's abuses towards her.

You: need to tell your wife and MIL to change their numbers. That way, your mom will no longer be able to reach them over the phone to insult them. The stress she's causing your wife alone is enough to prevent her from having a successful pregnancy or delivery. If you can move to another location to reduce your mom's visits, do that as well.


Ladies yet-to-marry: Marrying into a family that doesn't like you is foolishness. I replied a similar thread this morning (https://www.nairaland.com/7575470 /https://www.nairaland.com/7068805) from a woman whose MIL doesn't like her b/c she's of a different tribe and she saw the signs before the marriage. Unfortunately in her case, the husband is abusive towards her, perhaps as a result of his mom's influence. Bottom line: if you see any signs that your future MIL or anyone in your potential spouse's family detests you due to tribal differences or for any other reason, save yourself from future abuse and depression; RUN.

Most especially all these inter tribal marriages to me is a no no.

Marrying ones tribe gets its own wahala, but you see inter tribal, the trouble is too much.

That's why in my family we don't allow that.

The guys mother has serious wahala

He should find ways to manage his mom but also protect his wife from his mom's assault.
Because how can you go and be accusing a woman that just lost a child. That's gross.

The root cause of your problem stems from your own words, "I'm not a religion person." but you entered a marital union initiated by a Religious God.
You want what God gives but you don't want God Himself.
The very obvious fact is that you, your mom, your wife and your mother-in-law ARE NOT BORN AGAIN.
The church your Mom attends is NOT a true church.
The danger you face is that both your own Mom and your wife's Mom will turn your marriage/home into a battlefield.
And you and your wife may not survive it.
My advice and counsel to you is that you should repent of your disdain for religion. And by religion, I mean the Christian Faith.
Accept, Believe and Confess Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour.
Find a serious holiness and prayerful church to attend REGULARLY.
Approach the pastor of the church and explain your predicament to him, holding back NOTHING.
Ask the pastor to baptize you by immersion in water.
Then let God take over from there, even as you read your Bible and pray everyday.
May God fix what's wrong with your life and marriage in Jesus Name.
Shalom.

I just hope that they never lock this Op,because if you are locked you can never see anything good about your Mum, infact you may graduate to not seeing your Mum or sending her money again,Life is more deeper than you think.

Op,

I wish I could see you physically and share my parents' story with you.

The worst thing that can happen to any woman is to be unwelcomed by the in laws. Nothing she does will ever be right or pleasing to them.

My grandma hated my mum so much that she transferred the hatred to her grandchildren. She will rain curses on us, instigate my dad to beat us including my mum. This went on for years, and never stopped until my dad realised he had married 5 women and none was willing to stay with him in old age.

My grandma is late now, but my parents are alive bearing the consequences of my grandma's actions. The children recently tried to reconcile our parents for peace and also companionship as both of them are now old and alone in their different locations.

My dad and mum are trying to get along now but the damage has been done. The ripple effect trickled down as far as we the children, peace was not an option in our house then. It was always from one fight to another. We could be coming from school and be scared of the scenario we will meet at home.

I am saying all this beacuse as a man you must take a stand for your family otherwise your mother will manipulate you until it is too late.

You love her no doubt but you must be firm and stand your ground as the man of the house that you are.

I wish you wisdom to navigate this delicate situation.