Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

sexy74:

My advice is call your mum and have a gear to heart talk with her, what led to the sudden quarrels.
In as much based on what you said I don't like what your mother did, you cannot trust all of them they are women.
I believe there must be something your mother has seen that is heavy for her to talk with her mouth.
I support that idea which your mother said that your mother inlwas should have gone nad come back, it's for your own good you would not understand, but you will as time passes.
Another advice don't let your inlwas stayore than one mont h I. Your house, e get reason.
May wisdom never depart from you

Norah199:
■ The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

Norah199:

Thanks for your advice. So far I have done almost everything you said and I have had peace since then. I only feel somehow they are not talking but now I guess keeping the distance is the best way for my sanity

This sounds like one of those home videos where Op's mother is the witch. She really is. Call a newly bereaved mom to mock her loss? Only a witch does that. In Nollywood, you can even claim she killed the child.
Let sleeping dogs lie. Don't force a reconciliation. Protect your wife. If you can't do that, leave her. Y'all shouldn't kill that poor girl.
And honestly, that mom would never be allowed near my kids. No visitation, nothing. Cos trust me, someone this vindictive would readily harm/kill. Believe the person that said your mom would readily hurt even you to prove her point. She has those traits in her.
To think this is from her son, imagine what your wife's story/experience so far would be...

Norah199:

My mother inlaw lives in the East. My mother lives in the same town with us. And I never said my mother inlaw was giving attitude. Read to understand pls

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

dominique [b:
post=121038487]Your wife is 100% to blame for this. How can you open your eyes and marry into a family where you're not wanted? [/b]It's only a matter of time before the mother in-law will recruit more family members against you and your husband will be forced to side with them. It will take an extremely strong willed man to protect his wife from the animosity she will face from her in-laws that don't like her, a kind of strong will most Nigerian men don't possess. No amount of virtuousness can change the mind of in-laws wey no like you but desperation to answer Mrs no dey let you see road. You go do "hide my id" tire

BlongTrendies:



You don't know how bad some moms can be when melting out all manner of attitudes on their daughter-in laws. He knows his mom better than anyone. And I can sense that he is even hiding a lot of things his mom has even done. All in a bid not make her look bad.

He knows that he is in deep shit that's why he is speaking out. The fact that none of the people he is reporting to is talking to her speaks volumes.

When it was both of them alone, things were fine. He is in a situation he can't understand yet. And he has alot to learn cos that mama won't stop until she's done.

Did you see his emphasis on: I made her comfortable before my marriage so she won't have an excuse to hate the bride coming in. The mama get for hand on a good day.

I bought my mother in law a car to get on her good side. She opened a whole black book of encyclopaedia on my head. Your wife should not worry herself OJare. She should be of good behaviour not confront her in any away.

LikeAking:


Bros, stop giving any of them attention.

Your mother, wife, mother inlaw. Gaslight of all them, this problem go stop.

That's how you handle women.

Ignore them. Just Waka commot without saying a word when they start their childish acts

Sweetvie:
Like seriously, they'll do anything to proof their point.
Op case is even worst
He is the only child... Double wahala

frozen70:


I think you and your wife will have to discuss on how best to reconcile your mum, with her mum and her too

All these drama is falling on you because you have to love them all equally

When your wife agrees to the reconciliation, invite your mum a day and invite your mother in law the next day

Seat the three of them down and let them know that you love them all and you want them to show love and respect to themselves if they all truly wants your happiness as you too wants their happiness

When you are done talking, let your wife move close to your mum and hug her and tell her that she loves her and wants her to see her as her daughter

That, if she has does anything wrong that she should say it so that she will apologize
Am sure your mum have no good reason to what made her hate her, your mum will embraze her as a daughter and the will reconcile

Then you guys will leave the seating room and ask the two mothers to reconcile themselves

By the time you come back, they will make peace with themselves and unity and love will reign in the mist of three of them

From there, they will be communicating steady with each other on phone

Then your wife will make it a point of duty to show love to your mum and always visit her and spend time with her so that they can bond well

Your wife doesn't need to argue or challenge your mum because she is her mother in law, your mum is getting old and she has the tendencies of having a feeling that your wife is talking you away from her, you are the only thing that makes her happy and gives her reason to be happy so just see it that way

Your wife needs to understand that, you are the only person your mum have and she should rather draw herself closer to mum than thinking of taking you a distance from mum

Your mother in law is just there to protect the interest of her daughter and nothing else

Both women should be communicating with themselves steadly and visit each other if possible to create a good bonding

Lastly, you are trying to provide for them as you have stated
Just keep it up its not easy as all of them wants your attention and care

abimcdssi:


You think a vindictive, tribal bigot who is probably close to 60 or above is capable of change? Why anyone would choose to marry into a family that was cold to them is beyond me. The MIL never liked the lady.

galantjoe:
Bullshit your wife and her mom. Your mom is everything you have.

That is the problem of intertribal marriage. You have to balance it to avoid situation.

Remember the heart of women are bad, you can be easily be k*lled by your wife and mom inlaws. They will lose nothing.

Better listen to your mom apart from religion matter, she is everything you have.

Stubborn flies often follow corpse to grave

AyobamiIsaac12:
A very bad piece of advice

dominique:
Your wife is 100% to blame for this. How can you open your eyes and marry into a family where you're not wanted? It's only a matter of time before the mother in-law will recruit more family members against you and your husband will be forced to side with them. It will take an extremely strong willed man to protect his wife from the animosity she will face from her in-laws that don't like her, a kind of strong will most Nigerian men don't possess. No amount of virtuousness can change the mind of in-laws wey no like you but desperation to answer Mrs no dey let you see road. You go do "hide my id" tire

GboyegaD:
My only advice is that you grow up.

I don't know your type of upbringing however, you need to face your mom and let her know you do not appreciate her tantrums. This is your wife and your home, if she truly loves you and wants the best for you, she needs to love whatever it is you love.

Next time, desist from reporting her to anyone, instead go to her and sort things out. If you are grown enough to be a husband, nobody will ask your mom or mother-in-law what role they played should your marriage go south. Therefore, going forward, rise to the occasion and with prayer, God will see you through.

Lastly, for your wife, if you don't have any problem with your mom's church, surprise her one day by visiting with your wife for service. I am sure it will ease so much of the tension. If you have issues with the church however, please, do not visit so as not to compound issues.

abimcdssi:

Plenty wahala as he's the only child. The only reason the marriage might stand a chance is the fact that the guy is reasonable and can clearly see that the mum is the architect of the whole drama.

Alapogentle:
Sir pls I'm still waiting for your reply... Good morning

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."



This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.


Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?

I'll tell you.

Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.

But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.

Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.

Shalom.

frozen70:


I think you and your wife will have to discuss on how best to reconcile your mum, with her mum and her too

All these drama is falling on you because you have to love them all equally

When your wife agrees to the reconciliation, invite your mum a day and invite your mother in law the next day

Seat the three of them down and let them know that you love them all and you want them to show love and respect to themselves if they all truly wants your happiness as you too wants their happiness

When you are done talking, let your wife move close to your mum and hug her and tell her that she loves her and wants her to see her as her daughter

That, if she has does anything wrong that she should say it so that she will apologize
Am sure your mum have no good reason to what made her hate her, your mum will embraze her as a daughter and the will reconcile

Then you guys will leave the seating room and ask the two mothers to reconcile themselves

By the time you come back, they will make peace with themselves and unity and love will reign in the mist of three of them

From there, they will be communicating steady with each other on phone

Then your wife will make it a point of duty to show love to your mum and always visit her and spend time with her so that they can bond well

Your wife doesn't need to argue or challenge your mum because she is her mother in law, your mum is getting old and she has the tendencies of having a feeling that your wife is talking you away from her, you are the only thing that makes her happy and gives her reason to be happy so just see it that way

Your wife needs to understand that, you are the only person your mum have and she should rather draw herself closer to mum than thinking of taking you a distance from mum

Your mother in law is just there to protect the interest of her daughter and nothing else

Both women should be communicating with themselves steadly and visit each other if possible to create a good bonding

Lastly, you are trying to provide for them as you have stated
Just keep it up its not easy as all of them wants your attention and care