ledaman:
You messed up big time, you made mentioned that @ times, they do the house chores together. There are things done with later regrets. Imagine if your spouse should asked your dad or mum to stop coming to your house, how would you feel?
You just concentrated on the Negative aspect without watching the positive aspect.
You better go alone and apologize to her.

I can't even talk to my wife younger brother in that manner. Not to talk of my mother in law.
This boy dey craze

Unless you completely lack home training or you are just too proud and uncouth, you can't have told her in the manner you posted here. Yes, you want to put her in her place but Christ's sake, she's like your mother too an I'm sure you should not be able to talk to your mother like that

thesilentman:

guy too much of everything is bad.she had started to tele-what-do-they-call-it my woman.

QuantAnalyst:
Lol..I can't even talk to my wife in that manner let alone her mother.

I wouldn't mind my mother in law living with us permanently, at least, that's an extra care for my kid.

Different strokes for different folks.

Don't mind the guy. He got a good MIL others can only wish for. He just missed out on increased stability for his future kids. Truly, not every married man is wise.

You messed up big time. You should have planned relocation to a bit far location to reduce her frequency if you think close proximity was the cause. Soon you will need her and it will cost you much.

That was kinda rude ,....you are lucky she is not the trouble some type ,...

thesilentman:
Because we live in proximity-same town, she wouldn't quit checking up on her daughter virtually every day or at least every other day.

I felt a deep intrusion on my privacy so yesterday I summoned the gut and asked her if she didn't have a house. Before she could reply, I told her, 'learn to stay where you belong! I did not marry daughter and mother!`
She has since disappeared into thin air.

This evening am thinking whether i bleeped up or not.

If you truly said all that, then you are a very arrogant, foolish and stupid.

Workch:
nope, it's not about your daughter. It's about both of them.
If your daughter husband is not cool with it, your daughter got to understand. No be your daughter marry him, na him marry your Daughter.

a husband need to explain this issue to his wife BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY she needs to understand it. there is absolutely nothing wrong with a parent living close by to come over and spend day with daughter rather than having be home alone all day long, NADA!!!!

It's very okay to have the conversation with the wife and the wife needs to understand. If the wife doesn't understand then the house will be on fire. There's nothing wrong if mama comes once a month so she can give them breathing space to start a home and run it

pls how can such discussion take place? what kind of yeye husband would tell his wife to stay home by herself all day long and not have the company of her mother, simply because husband doesnt want it? is husband not at work everyday? should wifey be alone because of some yeye state of mind of the husband? what so wrong if mother keeps daughter company during the day and they go to market together etc? i dont get it.

Octopusssy:

Be that as it may, she is an elder and the mother of his wife. Will he talk to his own mother like that? There are more tactful ways to handle intrusive in-laws

lets say he talks like that to his mother does it change the behaviour of the mother in law?

Whether he said it nicely or not it would just backfire on him

The mother in law should know better, does her own mother in laws visits her daily?

Lets not be biased and also protected bad habits from elders

thesilentman:
Because we live in proximity-same town, she wouldn't quit checking up on her daughter virtually every day or at least every other day.

I felt a deep intrusion on my privacy so yesterday I summoned the gut and asked her if she didn't have a house. Before she could reply, I told her, 'learn to stay where you belong! I did not marry daughter and mother!`
She has since disappeared into thin air.

This evening am thinking whether i bleeped up or not.

You mean you said this to your children's grandma?

Remember karma. Be prepared to get same treatment from your son/daughter-in-law.

You fvcked up big time bro. Apologies to her wouldn't hurt one bit.

At least you have told her already. I believe she won't continue such unwanted visits anymore.

Get to apologize to her ASAP please.

At least there should be some kind of balance to everything, husband may want to spend some time with wife and she should let her mother know.

This should not even be an issue if everyone is matured.

And it is nice to see family bond together, the last thing i would want to do, is diminish good family bonds. Even if it makes me feel a bit jealous. I would want what is good for others.

I hope her mother is not going to be always alone.

MrBrownJay1:


a husband need to explain this issue to his wife BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY she needs to understand it. there is absolutely nothing wrong with a parent living close by to come over and spend day with daughter rather than having be home alone all day long, NADA!!!!



pls how can such discussion take place? what kind of yeye husband would tell his wife to stay home by herself all day long and not have the company of her mother, simply because husband doesnt want it? is husband not at work everyday? should wifey be alone because of some yeye state of mind of the husband? what so wrong if mother keeps daughter company during the day and they go to market together etc? i dont get it.

Probably because she's a poor woman. You can't dare look into my mom's face and tell her that. Money trully stop nonsense.
You didn't do well at all. There are so many ways to solve this, but you choose violence.

ivolt:

I know people like you

Mr knowington. i hope this knowledge is actually helping you if not you better spend time knowing your own self.

superCleanworks:


i don't agree with you on the equivocation of how he regards his mother vs how he regards his inlaw.
after God, my mother follows but if my mother inlaw CONSISTENTLY roams around my house and refuses to take all my subtle hints then I will spell it out for her. Will it sound nice or harsh? It is objective. But has my message been delivered? SURE.
If I need her tomorrow and she refuses to honour my call because I drew boundaries, then that is her business.

The message was good but the delivery was poor.

SeriouslySense:
At least there should be some kind of balance to everything, husband may want to spend some time with wife and she should let her mother know.
This should not even be an issue if everyone is matured.
And it nice to see family bond together, the last thing i would want to do, is diminish good family bonds. Even if it makes me feel a bit jealous.

sadly this dscussion is showing the nature of some people, that want to control everything, even what their wife should (or not) do when she is home alone during the day.... shiiit, in this day and age, i would rather my wife goes to the market in Nigeria with her mother than by her self.

Guy I understand that poverty is really dealing with you.. since your mother inlaw is not troublesome why can't u allow the woman come in peace, nah marry you marry her daughter,she no sale em for you. Instead of you to come out plan and said you are tired of feeding your mother inlaw.

MrBrownJay1:


so you no get job to do all day long than being home with wifey, while she is home with her mama, going to markets together etc?!?!
if thats the case then no wonder you have a problem with your in laws intruding on your privacy....because i would be the 1st one as her father to ask you :" YOU DONT GET JOB YET WANT TO MARRY MY DAUGHTER??!?!

Then you must do well to have your daughter... You must be incestuous.

Keep your daughter with you if you can't let your in-law have his privacy.

zeuss:
Obviously a sweet lady.... Not the quarrelsome type, or else u would not get away with that wicked talk.... She is lonely wants to be with her friend and daughter... .. Have a heart u broke hers.... U2 will grow old...... U fuked up......call her and apologize.

You can never tell what she might be planning right now

BeardedmeatR:
The message was good but the delivery was poor.

your point of view.
you are seeing 6 while the next man is seeing 9.

MrBrownJay1:






i trust him to be my daughter's chosen one, i wont trust him to be a good husband (SIL) until they start living together and he becomes a responsible husband. just because they got married, does NOT mean this man is a good husband, a good father or a caring man. this will have to be confirmed as they start living together. many people get married to people they never knew before. you only meet your true spouse AFTER marriage, not before. but hey, if you think that ABUSIVE HUSBAND is written on people's forehead then so many unfortunate people wouldnt have died at the hands of their abusive husband/wives. lets be real!






as i said earlier.... as much as it is a bit excessive you need to open your mind.... so mama that lives close by shouldnt come and spend the day with daughter that is home alone all day (and go to market together etc)? the same mama that will probably come and stay with you for months when you guys have your 1st children (in order to show you how to properly care for a newborn) na that mama you want to look down upon today?!

Well, she should wait til her daughter gives birth before she can come to spend months. Many shameless mothers-in-law around. Men like OP are there to speak truth to her.

G00DHardDick:


Dude, the redpillers are behind you. You did absolutely well. Leave that mumu man yarning dust. When he marries, he should allow his mother in law to come and visit her daughter frequently, even when they're relaxing and about to knack, she should comma and see her. We have too many pussy ass Simp men on nairaland nowadays

I hope you all are also making adequate and effective measures to pack into his house and live with him as well. So you can run his home and marriage together.

How you lot forget this is a virtual forum beats my imagination

vikstandon:



Then you must do well to have your daughter... You must be incestuous.

Keep your daughter with you if you can't let your in-law have his privacy.

Dont mind that one make he continue dey mumu himself...I dey even suspect say na woman wey dey behind that account

MrBrownJay1:


a husband need to explain this issue to his wife BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY she needs to understand it. there is absolutely nothing wrong with a parent living close by to come over and spend day with daughter rather than having be home alone all day long, NADA!!!!

there's nothing wrong if she doesn't do it everyday or every other day.
Like I said, for me, it may not be an issue as long as the mother inlaw is not trying to dominate me in my house by changing some of my policies. That's the boundary for me.
If it's about just coming everyday and gisting with your daughter and helping her do chores, I don't mind. But some people need more space, it's why mother inlaws also need to give their married children space.

pls how can such discussion take place? what kind of yeye husband would tell his wife to stay home by herself all day long and not have the company of her mother, simply because husband doesnt want it? is husband not at work everyday? should wifey be alone because of some yeye state of mind of the husband? what so wrong if mother keeps daughter company during the day and they go to market together etc? i dont get it.

you don't seem to be matured enough yourself to be in a marriage.
In a marriage, you got to discuss everything and reach understanding. The wisest People in marriage know how to deliver discussions, they rethink it carefully before saying it.
You seem to be so fixated in your own ideology and it will affect you if you take it to your marriage. Marriage is about live and let's live, even if sometimes it doesn't Favour you.

Your husband has a right to contain the way your mother visits if she visits too frequently. It all depends on the way the husbands delivers it.

Marriage is not for kids and overly reactive babies.

PROPEACE:

Well, she should wait til her daughter gives birth before she can come to spend months. Many shameless mothers-in-law around. Men like OP are there to speak truth to her.

many parents who also "waited" are now mourning their dead children, thanks to abusive husband etc.... you dont need no invitation to come check up on your married child, and if you aint secure that she is ok in her new marriage, go there as often as you need.

Workch:
there's nothing wrong if she doesn't do it everyday or every other day.
Like I said, for me, it may not be an issue as long as the mother inlaw is not trying to dominate me in my house by changing some of my policies. That's the boundary for me.
If it's about just coming everyday and gisting with your daughter and helping her do chores, I don't mind. But some people need more space, it's why mother inlaws also need to give their married children space.

FAILED ISSUE #1 you think this has anything to do with control, while it aint

you don't seem to be matured enough yourself to be in a marriage.
In a marriage, you got to discuss everything and reach understanding. The wisest People in marriage know how to deliver discussions, they rethink it carefully before saying it.
You seem to be so fixated in your own ideology and it will affect you if you take it to your marriage. Marriage is about live and let's live, even if sometimes it doesn't Favour you.
Your husband has a right to contain the way your mother visits if she visits too frequently. It all depends on the way the husbands delivers it.
Marriage is not for kids and overly reactive babies.

FAILED ISSUE #2...why dont you answer the question... instead of bringing childish issues to this discussion. the kid is the person who want to dictate what their spouse should do all day while you are at work.... the kid is the insecure person who is so scared that MIL comes and goes to market with his wife everyday. i guess he'd rather she watches telemundo all day long by herself abi?!

MrBrownJay1:






i trust him to be my daughter's chosen one, i wont trust him to be a good husband (SIL) until they start living together and he becomes a responsible husband. just because they got married, does NOT mean this man is a good husband, a good father or a caring man. this will have to be confirmed as they start living together. many people get married to people they never knew before. you only meet your true spouse AFTER marriage, not before. but hey, if you think that ABUSIVE HUSBAND is written on people's forehead then so many unfortunate people wouldnt have died at the hands of their abusive husband/wives. lets be real!






as i said earlier.... as much as it is a bit excessive you need to open your mind.... so mama that lives close by shouldnt come and spend the day with daughter that is home alone all day (and go to market together etc)? the same mama that will probably come and stay with you for months when you guys have your 1st children (in order to show you how to properly care for a newborn) na that mama you want to look down upon today?!

Is your mother a Nanny, unless I employed your mother as a Nanny... That's when I expect her to come everyday.
If that's not the case, she has no business frequenting my house.

The only reason why I would understand and even try as much as possible to bear with her, is if my wife is her only child and the husband is late.
I could understand her loneliness... But we must get her a helper or companion.

Hmmmm, you should have just talked to her politely, and that's the disadvantage of one staying in the same town with inlaws.

MrBrownJay1:


so you believe it is wrong for a parent to not trust you and check up on their daughters? there is no such thing as "intrusion of your privacy".... just because you marry someone, doesnt mean you got the right to stop parents from checking on their children.

what have you got to hide? why are you so afraid of parents coming to check up on their daughters? what so wrong in the act? what privacy are you even talking about? if these parents trusted you as a man and/or the wellbeing of their daughter, probably they wouldnt check on their daughter so often.

Wise one man. Wise

The only wrong thing I think you did was the delivery. Otherwise you did well by taking charge of your home and putting an end to the incessant visits.
However, if you choose to apologise, make you only apologise for the way you said it. The message should remain the same.
Good luck and GOD'S wisdom.

thesilentman:
Because we live in proximity-same town, she wouldn't quit checking up on her daughter virtually every day or at least every other day.

I felt a deep intrusion on my privacy so yesterday I summoned the gut and asked her if she didn't have a house. Before she could reply, I told her, 'learn to stay where you belong! I did not marry daughter and mother!`
She has since disappeared into thin air.

This evening am thinking whether i bleeped up or not.

MrBrownJay1:


the above is irrelevant....as a parent, you wll let go when you know/feel/believe your child is in good hands... until then, you will often check up on them. its completely natural, whether that child or their partneir agrees with it or not. thats what parents are meant to do.

Brilliant

thesilentman:
Because we live in proximity-same town, she wouldn't quit checking up on her daughter virtually every day or at least every other day.

I felt a deep intrusion on my privacy so yesterday I summoned the gut and asked her if she didn't have a house. Before she could reply, I told her, 'learn to stay where you belong! I did not marry daughter and mother!`
She has since disappeared into thin air.

This evening am thinking whether i bleeped up or not.

you're just a stupid small boy. That's what you get from marrying a small boy

You allowed the anger in you to do the talking ...lol....you ought to have applied wisdom, especially when you are dealing with an elderly person.

thesilentman:
Because we live in proximity-same town, she wouldn't quit checking up on her daughter virtually every day or at least every other day.

I felt a deep intrusion on my privacy so yesterday I summoned the gut and asked her if she didn't have a house. Before she could reply, I told her, 'learn to stay where you belong! I did not marry daughter and mother!`
She has since disappeared into thin air.

This evening am thinking whether i bleeped up or not.