₦airaland Forum

Don't kill yourself because of your family, you have your own life to live and when you die now a few months later dem Don forget u.

DownTime44:
I was told not to give up on him. My mum will develop high Blood Pressure seeing him wasting away. I don't know what else to do sis. At times i wish i had the mind to poison him silently. He was supposed to be supporting me helping the family. Unfortunately, he was a burden.

I was told not to give up on him. How is that possible please? How else can i help him? What can i do please? This is frustrating. I can't imagine crying over my elder brother. I'm tired

Technically, you can ignore him. How do you do that? Hustle to be able to provide for your mom and younger ones and the idea that he must support the family will fade away and your mom's BP will stabilize. I hope you make enough money to buy him a bus of his own. That's all he knows how to do.

seguno2:
Ordinarily some religious groups and even non religious groups would be doing this for free to indigent people like the brother.

Religious groups prefer deliverance here o.

Once they start deliverance, they have a life long customer if they are lucky. They also don't need to do extra wahala like keeping up with latest therapies etc.

Bro I feel your pain, there is usually one of his kind in most home if not every being rich, average or poor family. It is up to you what you want to do, is either your allow your brother to drag you down in which your dream of taking your family to the next level or you leave him to his faith and move your family to the next level. As for your mum she will get over it over time, she normally does this because she knows you will always show concern for him if she put you in pressure

My advise is for you to move on and forget about him. You have younger ones to take care off so don't waste your time with him.

Chai, what you just said renders the sacrifice of JESUS CHRIST irrelevant. It's not New Testament compliant bro

bummyla:
Your elder brother problem is spiritual!

If you look around, most first born male do not do well in life, because they are supposed to be priest!

And when they are not, they are supposed to be redeemed by their parents in Church!

My elder brother was like yours

I took it serious when they called me that he was suicidal

As a member of RCCG we do first born redemption, MFM does that too.

Long story short, my parents, brought their gift (money) to redeem their son, he agreed, the pastors prayed for him and he no more suicidal.

He is doing ok just for himself now

Kill that guy and ease yourself the burden jare instead of feeding him.

ahnie:
Ignore him,I have a sister like your brother,they re distractions, they're always envious and bittered.

See guy,you just have to zonk him out and focus on your life,hack anything that concerns him out from your life if you really wants to live long

best advice so far he should just be throwing crumbs at him once in a while

DownTime44:
https://www.nairaland.com/7686172/been-restless-having-chat-elder


All thanks to everyone for their immense contributions towards my elder brother predicament. This place is truly home away from home. For those getting to know or who just come across this thread, you can read through the link posted above to get a grasp of where I'm coming from.


Someone sent me a mail having gone through my post and we both shared contact. He works on the island and he was willing to absorb my elder brother into his organisation. It's an organisation where one learn a skills and get paid monthly. Then after being certified in your skills, you can be employed as a full staff into the organisation. He would be given #20,000 monthly as stipend while learning as an apprentice but the man promised to be adding #10,000 to it making a total of #30,000 monthly. This person didn't know me from Adam but was touched by my brother's condition and he developed interest in helping him in his own little way. He asked me to inform my elder brother and get back to him.


I discussed everything to my brother verbally. Infact, i relate everything to him in my mother's tongue for ease of communication. I asked him if he has any interest in the offer and he said yes. He has interest. He's very much interested. He said he'd specialised in plumbing. I reached out to the man and we both finalise everything. He asked my brother when would he love to resume and he said month end. After the call, i asked him why month end and he said he doesn't have anything. He needs to get some few clothes, toiletries and some money for upkeep. I asked him where would he get money from less than 2 weeks to month end. He claimed if he can see any bus to work with. I told him you've been out of job going to a year, you didn't get any bus. Why do you think you'd get a bus within a short space of time? I asked him what if i rally round for him, is he willing to resume before the month end, he said yes with happy face. I borrowed #10,000 from a friend, i had #5,000 left with me, making a total of #15,000. I gave him 2 pairs of trousers and shirt i had. He bought a small school bag of #3,000 to put his clothes and he left in two days time. That was last week Wednesday. Oh! God, i was the happiest man on earth that very day.. I was so happy for him believing that he would become somebody from there. I called him to know if he has gotten there and how the work was. He said everything was fine.


I was surprised to see my brother at home on Friday, two days after he left. I asked him hope all is well? He said yes. I asked him why did he came back home so soon considering the cost of transportation to island. He was given a room he'd put up with. I expected him to stay there and focus on his job, whenever i have any money i would send to him. The man that helped him with the job called me later in the day. He narrated the gross misconduct of my brother. My brother left the job on Friday during working hours. The work is Monday to Saturday. Though Saturday is half day. He explained every details of the job to my brother before he resumed work. My brother was assigned to someone else to work with, not directly the man that helped him. The man only came to check up on him daily to know how he's fairing. The man was there when my brother took his bag, headed outside with the claim that he was going home. The man told him he can't go home now till after work, which is on Saturday. My brother didn't listen to the boss he was assigned with nor the man that helped him. He left right in their presence.


They do give daily report, and the man he was assigned with reported that he doesn't have anyone to work with, particularly on Saturday. The management asked him about my brother assigned to him and he said he has left on Friday. My brother was dismissed for his attitude. I pleaded to give him a second chance, but the man said it was beyond his power. The management has decided. I asked him to report there today and apologise for his gross misconduct. He went but apology wasn't accepted. If i was the man that helped my brother with this job or if i was among the management. I would do the same thing. I'd gladly lay him off without thinking twice.


My mother had been crying having heard the outcome of everything. I myself had cry my eyes out, all because of this my elder brother. I am fed up. The burden is too much. I might be tempted to harm him living under the same roof with him. I had been trying to console my mum but she wouldn't listen. Landlord came to harass her last week, the very day my elder brother left, because of house rent. I had 3 younger siblings to look after. Here comes my elder brother problem again. I am responsible for all of these with my meagre pay. I don't know what else to do for this guy. I don't think i can put up with him anymore. I am tired. Why is this life full of problems? I am losing my mind completely.

God would continue to bless you for all the efforts you have made and are still making to ensure that your elder brother has a better tomorrow. It is unfortunate that your elder brother messed up and this kind of golden opportunity is hard to come by.

You need to keep encouraging him to look for another job to do and to provide for the family as the oldest man of the house. He needs to earning a living in order to support you in providing for the family.

Life is full of problems indeed and you need to be strong and prayerfull for your family and hope for a better tomorrow. May God give you the wisdom to overcome the temptation to harm or poison your elder brother

mariahAngel:
I only advised him based on my belief.
It is not in my place to tell him what I don't know.

Mind is for exploration not for drawing conclusions if you don’t know you just want to identify yourself to show that you’re a good Christian but forget that every identity limit you and hinder you with the immensity of being human.

In a situation where a boat capsized, people will start to drown. Meanwhile, those who can swim will try to find their way out to the shore. Depending on the distance they are to the shore, they might get tired along the line and even drown themselves.

However, there are situations where those who can swim will try to help those who can't. In this case, if wisdom is not applied, those who can swim can be drowned by those who can't. I have personally experienced a situation where someone who can't swim held on to a swimmer in a manner that both started to drown and death was starring at both. The swimmer had to tear his clothe and let go of the person he was trying to help in order to survive.

What's the point in this my analogy?

If care is not taken, in the process of rendering help, which in your case is very important, as the person involved is a blood brother, one might might lose himself!!!

You have tried! I really commend you!! However, at this point, since you are yet to find your bearing in the ocean (life), you might lose yourself while trying to help him.

At this point, try to make your life better, work on areas recommended by people here, gain your footing, at least to a point you can be able to help him stand. If you decide not to do this, your help will not be noticeable nor have impact, and your own life might be begging for assistance too.

Don't lose two while trying to save one my friend.

DownTime44:
https://www.nairaland.com/7686172/been-restless-having-chat-elder


All thanks to everyone for their immense contributions towards my elder brother predicament. This place is truly home away from home. For those getting to know or who just come across this thread, you can read through the link posted above to get a grasp of where I'm coming from.


Someone sent me a mail having gone through my post and we both shared contact. He works on the island and he was willing to absorb my elder brother into his organisation. It's an organisation where one learn a skills and get paid monthly. Then after being certified in your skills, you can be employed as a full staff into the organisation. He would be given #20,000 monthly as stipend while learning as an apprentice but the man promised to be adding #10,000 to it making a total of #30,000 monthly. This person didn't know me from Adam but was touched by my brother's condition and he developed interest in helping him in his own little way. He asked me to inform my elder brother and get back to him.


I discussed everything to my brother verbally. Infact, i relate everything to him in my mother's tongue for ease of communication. I asked him if he has any interest in the offer and he said yes. He has interest. He's very much interested. He said he'd specialised in plumbing. I reached out to the man and we both finalise everything. He asked my brother when would he love to resume and he said month end. After the call, i asked him why month end and he said he doesn't have anything. He needs to get some few clothes, toiletries and some money for upkeep. I asked him where would he get money from less than 2 weeks to month end. He claimed if he can see any bus to work with. I told him you've been out of job going to a year, you didn't get any bus. Why do you think you'd get a bus within a short space of time? I asked him what if i rally round for him, is he willing to resume before the month end, he said yes with happy face. I borrowed #10,000 from a friend, i had #5,000 left with me, making a total of #15,000. I gave him 2 pairs of trousers and shirt i had. He bought a small school bag of #3,000 to put his clothes and he left in two days time. That was last week Wednesday. Oh! God, i was the happiest man on earth that very day.. I was so happy for him believing that he would become somebody from there. I called him to know if he has gotten there and how the work was. He said everything was fine.


I was surprised to see my brother at home on Friday, two days after he left. I asked him hope all is well? He said yes. I asked him why did he came back home so soon considering the cost of transportation to island. He was given a room he'd put up with. I expected him to stay there and focus on his job, whenever i have any money i would send to him. The man that helped him with the job called me later in the day. He narrated the gross misconduct of my brother. My brother left the job on Friday during working hours. The work is Monday to Saturday. Though Saturday is half day. He explained every details of the job to my brother before he resumed work. My brother was assigned to someone else to work with, not directly the man that helped him. The man only came to check up on him daily to know how he's fairing. The man was there when my brother took his bag, headed outside with the claim that he was going home. The man told him he can't go home now till after work, which is on Saturday. My brother didn't listen to the boss he was assigned with nor the man that helped him. He left right in their presence.


They do give daily report, and the man he was assigned with reported that he doesn't have anyone to work with, particularly on Saturday. The management asked him about my brother assigned to him and he said he has left on Friday. My brother was dismissed for his attitude. I pleaded to give him a second chance, but the man said it was beyond his power. The management has decided. I asked him to report there today and apologise for his gross misconduct. He went but apology wasn't accepted. If i was the man that helped my brother with this job or if i was among the management. I would do the same thing. I'd gladly lay him off without thinking twice.


My mother had been crying having heard the outcome of everything. I myself had cry my eyes out, all because of this my elder brother. I am fed up. The burden is too much. I might be tempted to harm him living under the same roof with him. I had been trying to console my mum but she wouldn't listen. Landlord came to harass her last week, the very day my elder brother left, because of house rent. I had 3 younger siblings to look after. Here comes my elder brother problem again. I am responsible for all of these with my meagre pay. I don't know what else to do for this guy. I don't think i can put up with him anymore. I am tired. Why is this life full of problems? I am losing my mind completely.

IF YOU DID NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR BROTHER, IT VERY LIKELY YOU WILL STRUGGLE TO MOVE FORWARD IN LIFE. I WILL ADVICE YOU EXCLUDE HIM IN ALL YOUR PLANS INCLUDING FEEDING. PEOPLE LEARN TRUE BOTH SOFT TEACHING AND HARD LIFE. HE MAY NEED THE LATTER TO LEARN. GOD BLESS YOUR EFFORT IN JESUS NAME.

Your brother may just be fine and right thinking like anyone else. He just lacks a good opportunity. What kind of employer pays someone 20k for a whole month in 2023? That's more than ridiculous and meagre! Was any contract signed as to when the pay will change and when his training will end? He as an employer assigned him to a client as soon as he resumed, meaning that isn't much of training. His schedule for work is 6 days a week, and probably 12hrs shift a day, for #20,000 ? Why do we think this is right? You did well trying to help your brother, but this opportunity might not be anything near good as it sounds. I'd expect to see the conversation you had with him, and his reasons for leaving . He doesn't like that offer, and he seems coerced to accept it in the first place.

I'll advice you liaise with an army (not soldier) tell him everything about your brother & how he's been wasting away. Arrange with the army on how he will help you take him into custody in d barrack with daily hard work under strict supervision until he's ready to man up. I bet it with you that in less than 3 months he'll regain his senses and that will be his visa to life outside the barrack.

That's crazy! You should be jailed for thinking this is the first place.

bablon20:
I'll advice you liaise with an army (not soldier) tell him everything about your brother & how he's been wasting away. Arrange with the army on how he will help you take him into custody in d barrack with daily hard work under strict supervision until he's ready to man up. I bet it with you that in less than 3 months he'll regain his senses and that will be his visa to life outside the barrack.

So sorry about your predicament.

What your brother needs at this time is not a job.

Firstly, he needs reformation of the mind. He's hooked on free, careless and easy money that comes with his conductor lifestyle.

He isn't ready for hardwork and deligence yet.

Try helping him see a psychologist.

bummyla:
Your elder brother problem is spiritual!

If you look around, most first born male do not do well in life, because they are supposed to be priest!

And when they are not, they are supposed to be redeemed by their parents in Church!

My elder brother was like yours

I took it serious when they called me that he was suicidal

As a member of RCCG we do first born redemption, MFM does that too.

Long story short, my parents, brought their gift (money) to redeem their son, he agreed, the pastors prayed for him and he no more suicidal.

He is doing ok just for himself now

someone gave him this advice The other day but ignoramous Nigerians waved it out.. the spiritual controls the physical

He's under a manipulative power.

He should go for deliverance. He wants to be free but that power is stronger than him.

Help him see reasons why he need the job and keep praying for him.

Your brother problem could be spiritual,l would advise you seek spiritual help on his behalf.please do that

All your brother needs at this time is deliverance prayers. He has been captured spiritually!!! His action towards that job was not ordinary, they use remote control to control him, if not he won't accept to go back there to apologise.

They know his victory is close, but your mum has to be awake spiritually for him. Either of the 3 ways of religion that we have, embrace the one you guys believe in and act fast before they totally consume him.

Thats just my opinion.

chimpad:
Your brother may just be fine and right thinking like anyone else. He just lacks a good opportunity. What kind of employer pays someone 20k for a whole month in 2023? That's more than ridiculous and meagre! Was any contract signed as to when the pay will change and when his training will end? He as an employer assigned him to a client as soon as he resumed, meaning that isn't much of training. His schedule for work is 6 days a week, and probably 12hrs shift a day, for #20,000 ? Why do we think this is right? You did well trying to help your brother, but this opportunity might not be anything near good as it sounds. I'd expect to see the conversation you had with him, and his reasons for leaving . He doesn't like that offer, and he seems coerced to accept it in the first place.

Point of correction, he's there to learn a skill, but they will be paying him 20k monthly for that as a stipend. Also, the person that intro him promised to support with 10k monthly, making 30k. They have tried for him. He is learning not working with them.

DownTime44:
https://www.nairaland.com/7686172/been-restless-having-chat-elder


All thanks to everyone for their immense contributions towards my elder brother predicament. This place is truly home away from home. For those getting to know or who just come across this thread, you can read through the link posted above to get a grasp of where I'm coming from.


Someone sent me a mail having gone through my post and we both shared contact. He works on the island and he was willing to absorb my elder brother into his organisation. It's an organisation where one learn a skills and get paid monthly. Then after being certified in your skills, you can be employed as a full staff into the organisation. He would be given #20,000 monthly as stipend while learning as an apprentice but the man promised to be adding #10,000 to it making a total of #30,000 monthly. This person didn't know me from Adam but was touched by my brother's condition and he developed interest in helping him in his own little way. He asked me to inform my elder brother and get back to him.


I discussed everything to my brother verbally. Infact, i relate everything to him in my mother's tongue for ease of communication. I asked him if he has any interest in the offer and he said yes. He has interest. He's very much interested. He said he'd specialised in plumbing. I reached out to the man and we both finalise everything. He asked my brother when would he love to resume and he said month end. After the call, i asked him why month end and he said he doesn't have anything. He needs to get some few clothes, toiletries and some money for upkeep. I asked him where would he get money from less than 2 weeks to month end. He claimed if he can see any bus to work with. I told him you've been out of job going to a year, you didn't get any bus. Why do you think you'd get a bus within a short space of time? I asked him what if i rally round for him, is he willing to resume before the month end, he said yes with happy face. I borrowed #10,000 from a friend, i had #5,000 left with me, making a total of #15,000. I gave him 2 pairs of trousers and shirt i had. He bought a small school bag of #3,000 to put his clothes and he left in two days time. That was last week Wednesday. Oh! God, i was the happiest man on earth that very day.. I was so happy for him believing that he would become somebody from there. I called him to know if he has gotten there and how the work was. He said everything was fine.


I was surprised to see my brother at home on Friday, two days after he left. I asked him hope all is well? He said yes. I asked him why did he came back home so soon considering the cost of transportation to island. He was given a room he'd put up with. I expected him to stay there and focus on his job, whenever i have any money i would send to him. The man that helped him with the job called me later in the day. He narrated the gross misconduct of my brother. My brother left the job on Friday during working hours. The work is Monday to Saturday. Though Saturday is half day. He explained every details of the job to my brother before he resumed work. My brother was assigned to someone else to work with, not directly the man that helped him. The man only came to check up on him daily to know how he's fairing. The man was there when my brother took his bag, headed outside with the claim that he was going home. The man told him he can't go home now till after work, which is on Saturday. My brother didn't listen to the boss he was assigned with nor the man that helped him. He left right in their presence.


They do give daily report, and the man he was assigned with reported that he doesn't have anyone to work with, particularly on Saturday. The management asked him about my brother assigned to him and he said he has left on Friday. My brother was dismissed for his attitude. I pleaded to give him a second chance, but the man said it was beyond his power. The management has decided. I asked him to report there today and apologise for his gross misconduct. He went but apology wasn't accepted. If i was the man that helped my brother with this job or if i was among the management. I would do the same thing. I'd gladly lay him off without thinking twice.


My mother had been crying having heard the outcome of everything. I myself had cry my eyes out, all because of this my elder brother. I am fed up. The burden is too much. I might be tempted to harm him living under the same roof with him. I had been trying to console my mum but she wouldn't listen. Landlord came to harass her last week, the very day my elder brother left, because of house rent. I had 3 younger siblings to look after. Here comes my elder brother problem again. I am responsible for all of these with my meagre pay. I don't know what else to do for this guy. I don't think i can put up with him anymore. I am tired. Why is this life full of problems? I am losing my mind completely.

I’m almost like your elder brother, they difference between me n ur elder brother be say I get money based on opportunity around me. Buh I couldn’t learn any handwork, my mother tried then in various things but my interest wasn’t there , after some days of starting I will quit. To be honest to learn hand work for old age no easy unless determination

chimpad:
Your brother may just be fine and right thinking like anyone else. He just lacks a good opportunity. What kind of employer pays someone 20k for a whole month in 2023? That's more than ridiculous and meagre! Was any contract signed as to when the pay will change and when his training will end? He as an employer assigned him to a client as soon as he resumed, meaning that isn't much of training. His schedule for work is 6 days a week, and probably 12hrs shift a day, for #20,000 ? Why do we think this is right? You did well trying to help your brother, but this opportunity might not be anything near good as it sounds. I'd expect to see the conversation you had with him, and his reasons for leaving . He doesn't like that offer, and he seems coerced to accept it in the first place.

Go and read Op message again. His brother is there to learn a skill, plumbing precisely. And he will be paid 30k monthly as stipend. That's not bad to me

osazsky:
nope...a sessions is abt 16k or 10k depending...then he will b placed on specific drugs

The OP earns N25k in a month.

Who will pay for two sessions worth N32k monthly?

From what I read it shows you a kind person that believe people around him should grow. Please don't give up on him. The guy mind now is seriously in a state of confusion and he need someone like you around. Remember him in your prayers what prayer can do doesn't exist.

Leave that guy alone ND focus on your life, if not, you will die trying to help him.

When I read your first paragraph, I was elated that I wanted asking for his account details. Probably to support him with a token.

That nigga has chosen his part.
Even if him want die, make your one naira no enter him hand.

Tell your mum to just forget about him.

let me chip I something here!
most people telling you to ignore your brother may not do so if he was their own brother aside so families differ...
my advise pray for him, advise him when necessary and keep doing so...bros na your brother him be las las....him death no go favour anybody .......just do what Jesus would do

DownTime44:
According to him he left because he needs mosquito net, he didn't even bother to call me that he wants to leave nor listen to the man that helped him got there

He didn't tell the man his reason for leaving. I was the one that told the man what he said. The man was surprised because he has already bought a mosquito net for him but he didn't come with it that very Friday. He doesn't have anything to do at home. No food, no money, nothing nothing. I borrowed some of the money i gave to him. I don't understand his problem anymore.

Bro, with what you narrated here, your brother issue is spiritual, he is afflicted with the spirit of " gross Indiscipline " when he is in the midst of his helpers, you might think this is a joke but you can never have any headway with him until you and your mum tackle his problem spiritually, even if he works in Aso Rock, he will still commit one blunder that will warrant him being chased out. This world is spiritual first then physical.

vickydevoka:
I’m almost like your elder brother, they difference between me n ur elder brother be say I get money based on opportunity around me. Buh I couldn’t learn any handwork, my mother tried then in various things but my interest wasn’t there , after some days of starting I will quit. To be honest to learn hand work for old age no easy unless determination

Yes. I know it's not easy learning a skills at that age. I sincerely understand.

I felt he doesn't have options considering the fact that he doesn't have money. He should be able to bring himself down and learn

I was once in your shoes, and was the first child too. Bro wake up, you won't grow up if you continue with this your emotional mentality... It's also a strategy for the enemy to keep you dwarfed.i had to get thick skinned ,thank God for Christ by my side (I am always a chruat kind of person , no time for carnality).I kept at my dreams and visions, continued helping in my own way but relocated to FCT were I could gavey life more squarely without mental and phycological distractions .Your elder needs spiritual attention and if you are a christian pls assist himbybgetting him across to a sound Godly ministry or minister who would be of help but if you no be christian .... You will still NEED CHRIST SIR.HE IS THE ONLY WAY OUT HERE. If your elder brother won't be forming "older man or senior man ",then his case would be easy to attended to in this light. I pray you can heed my counsel, it's the simple but hard path I took.if you die today or even the old woman dies today, your elder bro would still move on so help your self.I really thank God for the Godly brethren around me, they kept me on my toes day and night so depression no hijack my soul.

Starships4u:
Bro, how about yhu go learn that work on yhur own
It'd add to yhur bank of knowledge and make yhu skillful for side hustles....

I have thought of this myself but i was considering other factors

How would my family feed, pay house rent and other necessity? They can't do that without my support seriously

Dpaulie:
You're serious with your life
You're brilliant and talented
You've got what it takes to excel
You should look for help for yourself, not your brother
Forget all this family cord things
Help when you've got helped

Thank you brother. I appreciate your input.

MasterTeeUSA:
Good day Bro, Reach out to me if you do not mind at idagbaempowermentfoundation@gmail.com. We wont perform miracle overnight, but I do believe that we have and can make a difference. You graduated with 2.1...which school did you study at and what did you major in? I am sure there is a lot we can discuss. My believe is this --- every family has a David. It might be the first, second or last child. Like Ogunde once said, the head of a man cannot face calamity for 20yrs without a breakthrough. You might need to focus on yourself...so you can become the King that delivers your family. You are on the right path. You have taken the initiative....this is the beginning of greater Grace.

I have sent you a mail sir

Thank you so much. God bless you.