₦airaland Forum

franchasofficia:
Cc: DownTime44

Took my time to read through your comments and replies to people. I have some things to say to you.



First, first sons born into poor families in Nigeria share almost similar trait with your elder brother. And part of the problem is from their poor parents, how?


In life, you need to be prepared and equipped to face the challenges that comes with adulthood and independence.


To all Nigerian parents reading, if you are poor as a parent that you cannot afford to send your first child to tertiary institution, please try and help him or her to acquire sellable skills like; welding, fashion designing, carpentry, plumbing, etc, or let him go for a trading apprenticeship known in Igbo culture as "igba boi" or "imu ahia".


The mistake poor parents in Nigeria make is not equipping their children, especially the first child for the life challenges of adulthood, so those first child end up struggling to find their feet by trial and errors which many end up not succeeding or losing focus and then we tag it spiritual.


Yes, Biblically first borns do experience challenges based on the status of their parents; if their parents are poor, he automatically inherits that poverty and in Nigeria or West Africa, he automatically becomes the second father and breadwinner of the family even before he becomes adult and in so doing, he ends up doing menial jobs, odd jobs, unskilled jobs just to earn instant money for the rest of the family and on the long run, he loses out as those menial jobs either becomes unavailable or competitive as younger energetic youths come onboard and then he starts to struggle to make ends meet and at that time, he has lost focus and cannot learn any meaningful trade or skill due to time and age, this is how most first born male children in Nigeria become useless and end up as nodowells.


You tried by getting your brother a place to learn a skill, but the problem is, they don't learn to use left hand at old age, he has passed the age of learning skill cos he is desperate to earn money to live like a man he has become and that is why he is so fixated on finding a conductor job to earn instant cash cos that's what he has become comfortable and confident with doing as a means of earning a living.



He might also have some spiritual issues that need deliverance, so you guys must tackle it from all possible ways so no stone is left unturned but then, you need to focus on uplifting yourself first before uplifting others if not all of you will end up begging to eat forever, sadly.



Someone looking for help doesn't carry another person seeking for help. You need to save yourself first and become comfortable enough to go back and uplift those that can be uplifted, forget stories, they won't die, they will survive. If God forbids something happens to you today and you are no more, take it from me, all of them will survive without you.




First, you need to leave that house and move far away where you can stay focused on improving your own life first with less distractions from your immediate family for now. You can be sending them money when you can but from afar.


Your mom need to take your brother to MFM for deliverance, it could be that they bewitched him as a little baby while your mom was doing waka waka to save his life when he was sick as a baby, I could be wrong but doing a real self deliverance that cost no money won't be a bad move either, it will help take away all the spiritual inclination if any.



Please leave the house as soon as you can.




Can your brother do delivery using bicycle, since he loves transportation business. Let me know if he can, and is he tech savvy and can he read and write?



All the best

Aguogba:
1. Your brother has lost the zeal to strive. This can be due to substance abuse which you may be ignorant of. It can also be due to latent depression (subclinical stage) as a result of negative events he has suffered previously (secret chronic illness, heartbreak) or currently (losing his conductor job).
2. Start by having a heart to heart talk with him. Don't sound like he is your younger brother or show any form of superiority which may make him defensive. Just gist like a friend who he can confide with. Find out if he is still mentally and physically sound and fit. Best way to have this gist is with green bottles if you're not a Muslim. 2k go run am.
3. Find out what he has FLAIRS for. Those things that he can naturally do and derive joy doing them. At this stage of his life, those are the only things he can commit to even when "village people" try to distract him. If he is artistic, he can learn barbing. If he has ears for music or likes instruments, help him join a local band, even traditional groups. Those little things he naturally loves. You self suppose Sabi those things wey be say your bro get interest in.

4. As u have been advised, don't give up on him. Blood is thicker than water.

since13o:
Religious groups prefer deliverance here o.

Once they start deliverance, they have a life long customer if they are lucky. They also don't need to do extra wahala like keeping up with latest therapies etc.

world123:
This is really sad. I know he is your brother, but for now focus on developing yourself. It's obvious you are still struggling yourself. In the next 5 to 10 years, you will realise it's all man to himself.

Save up and invest on yourself. Two blind men can't lead eachother. When you are wealthy enough you can consider your elder brother.

sonssyo:
This thing is in almost every family,I have one,my elder brother,he didn't go to school but rather said my brothers should go, although he is not intelligent,he joined one man in business but things didn't go well,he came back,learnt aluminum and started, Dad promised him money from gratuity,so wen dey paid him,he gave my brother 200k in 2004,mum added 20k
He left with the money,till date he couldn't give account of the money, didn't open anything, remember that money was hudge then,dad didn't trust him and wanted to try him with 100k first but I intervened,
Along the line they said it's because he didn't go to school,my immediate brother enrolled him in polytechnic,he went there for 1 year next he disappeared,he said it's University,he was enrolled at Anambra State University back then each semester,he collects money from that my brother,after 5 years they asked him how far,story upon story,he came up with marriage scam,I have seen a wife,I want to do introduction,my brother will drop 50k back then thou,2017/18 , he did it two times I called my brother to stop giving,he later sent mum 100k and said when he is ready.
My brother equally gave him Mercedes 190 he changed back then, he didn't make any attempt to drive the car.
He keep been afraid of everything. What a brother!
We relocated him to Awka,to restrain him from Onitsha that destroyed him,it became worse,he can't pay his house rent,I took it up,fast forward 2020, I had accident and went for surgery, even on the sick bed I still pay for his rent, wen I returned back to work, physiotherapy and all that was eating my money gbas gbos, I couldn't continue paying, I told them to send his things back to the village.
My brother that did all those stuff previously is highly engrossed with self value project and his married with kids now,I told him not to bother. He have enough to take care of
Right now,niga dey village blackmailing Oko woman that they didn't do anything for him.
God helping me, I'm searching for a house for him,if I get and pay for him,he will leave that village.
U know what,he said he doesn't like the erea I want to relocate him,he prefers Onitsha, meanwhile that's where I stay and house rent is not even cheap there.
Once I get that done, he will be forced to go for deliverance because he can't marry as we speak, what he prefers is sleeping with a woman and she goes.what a useless folk.
Brother , you can't kill yourself for anybody, you see my experience is worse than yours

DownTime44:
He can read and write. He isn't tech savvy and he can't ride bicycle.

superCleanworks:
when I saw the first story, I told my wife that this is exactly what would happen and here it is.
How can someone spend a full year to be looking for conductor job? Even if you take him to europe he will disappoint you. Till he stands up to fend for himself.
That your brother will soon be looking for how to kill you. He will blame you for all the problems in his life. He is the type of person that can beat his mother and kill her when one drunk pastor tells him that she has been the one blocking his destiny. Just watch out.

DownTime44:
https://www.nairaland.com/7686172/been-restless-having-chat-elder




Op
Drop your contact
I will call you


All thanks to everyone for their immense contributions towards my elder brother predicament. This place is truly home away from home. For those getting to know or who just come across this thread, you can read through the link posted above to get a grasp of where I'm coming from.


Someone sent me a mail having gone through my post and we both shared contact. He works on the island and he was willing to absorb my elder brother into his organisation. It's an organisation where one learn a skills and get paid monthly. Then after being certified in your skills, you can be employed as a full staff into the organisation. He would be given #20,000 monthly as stipend while learning as an apprentice but the man promised to be adding #10,000 to it making a total of #30,000 monthly. This person didn't know me from Adam but was touched by my brother's condition and he developed interest in helping him in his own little way. He asked me to inform my elder brother and get back to him.


I discussed everything to my brother verbally. Infact, i relate everything to him in my mother's tongue for ease of communication. I asked him if he has any interest in the offer and he said yes. He has interest. He's very much interested. He said he'd specialised in plumbing. I reached out to the man and we both finalise everything. He asked my brother when would he love to resume and he said month end. After the call, i asked him why month end and he said he doesn't have anything. He needs to get some few clothes, toiletries and some money for upkeep. I asked him where would he get money from less than 2 weeks to month end. He claimed if he can see any bus to work with. I told him you've been out of job going to a year, you didn't get any bus. Why do you think you'd get a bus within a short space of time? I asked him what if i rally round for him, is he willing to resume before the month end, he said yes with happy face. I borrowed #10,000 from a friend, i had #5,000 left with me, making a total of #15,000. I gave him 2 pairs of trousers and shirt i had. He bought a small school bag of #3,000 to put his clothes and he left in two days time. That was last week Wednesday. Oh! God, i was the happiest man on earth that very day.. I was so happy for him believing that he would become somebody from there. I called him to know if he has gotten there and how the work was. He said everything was fine.


I was surprised to see my brother at home on Friday, two days after he left. I asked him hope all is well? He said yes. I asked him why did he came back home so soon considering the cost of transportation to island. He was given a room he'd put up with. I expected him to stay there and focus on his job, whenever i have any money i would send to him. The man that helped him with the job called me later in the day. He narrated the gross misconduct of my brother. My brother left the job on Friday during working hours. The work is Monday to Saturday. Though Saturday is half day. He explained every details of the job to my brother before he resumed work. My brother was assigned to someone else to work with, not directly the man that helped him. The man only came to check up on him daily to know how he's fairing. The man was there when my brother took his bag, headed outside with the claim that he was going home. The man told him he can't go home now till after work, which is on Saturday. My brother didn't listen to the boss he was assigned with nor the man that helped him. He left right in their presence.


They do give daily report, and the man he was assigned with reported that he doesn't have anyone to work with, particularly on Saturday. The management asked him about my brother assigned to him and he said he has left on Friday. My brother was dismissed for his attitude. I pleaded to give him a second chance, but the man said it was beyond his power. The management has decided. I asked him to report there today and apologise for his gross misconduct. He went but apology wasn't accepted. If i was the man that helped my brother with this job or if i was among the management. I would do the same thing. I'd gladly lay him off without thinking twice.


My mother had been crying having heard the outcome of everything. I myself had cry my eyes out, all because of this my elder brother. I am fed up. The burden is too much. I might be tempted to harm him living under the same roof with him. I had been trying to console my mum but she wouldn't listen. Landlord came to harass her last week, the very day my elder brother left, because of house rent. I had 3 younger siblings to look after. Here comes my elder brother problem again. I am responsible for all of these with my meagre pay. I don't know what else to do for this guy. I don't think i can put up with him anymore. I am tired. Why is this life full of problems? I am losing my mind completely.

DownTime44:
I was told not to give up on him. My mum will develop high Blood Pressure seeing him wasting away. I don't know what else to do sis. At times i wish i had the mind to poison him silently. He was supposed to be supporting me helping the family. Unfortunately, he was a burden.

I was told not to give up on him. How is that possible please? How else can i help him? What can i do please? This is frustrating. I can't imagine crying over my elder brother. I'm tired

DownTime44:
I was told not to give up on him. My mum will develop high Blood Pressure seeing him wasting away. I don't know what else to do sis. At times i wish i had the mind to poison him silently. He was supposed to be supporting me helping the family. Unfortunately, he was a burden.

I was told not to give up on him. How is that possible please? How else can i help him? What can i do please? This is frustrating. I can't imagine crying over my elder brother. I'm tired

ghettochild:
Na u no wan disappear oo.
Move out
Find friends to stay with
Be sending money to ur mum.otherwise u go grow Grey hair..
Look ur brother is an IDAN that can't be helped physically..
He's got his own demons that torments n controls him that makes him feel transportation is the only means for his survival..
Bro.. I grow up in Ajegunle..
Had friends who did conductor..
I swear now...they'd never do it again unless ofcourse they own the bus....
Ur brother has no desire to break the bandage his in.
And ur mother is not an as yoruba will say.
Her 1st fruit has giran n she dey look n not take necessary action a mother will take....
I hope no b ur brother problem go kill ur mama...
If she wants to live long n reap the fruits of her kids..
She better Waka ontop ur brother case....
And like sm1 said.. ur younger siblings shd all find means of making or earning money...
If u die ontop ur brother matter..
E go live life.. e go Jaiye as him like ooo.
Use ur head before ur let dem use u ooo.
Stop wasting ur time..
Ur brother needs deliverance first things first.

Mindlog:
You are not your elder brother's father neither are you his therapist.

Focus on your life and let your mother continue to hustle to feed her first son.... develop a thick skin against her emotional blackmail, you are already experiencing fatigue as you are overwhelmed.

DownTime44:
That will be so difficult. My mum will not support depriving him food or shelter. I don't think she can watch him or anyone else go hungry when there's food.

I wish i could disappear out of this world. I'm tired.

sisisioge:
You are starting to sound annoying my brother....leave him alone abi what do you think could be done at this point, kill him or kill yourself? Do you know why people get depressed? They simply overthink matters, that's all. You will get yourself unnecessarily depressed if you keep going on and on about this. He is not your child or burden, you are the one bearing the burden voluntarily. If your mom cant bear to not feed him, then let her keep doing so, afterall he is her son. As for your contribution to the home, do only what you can do. You are not the messiah of the house. EOD.

thoth:
■ I know i will be bashed for this...but you need a babalawo.
witchcraft is real.

emynike2001:
■ Brother the truth is that, I didn't get to read to the middle of of write up when I discerned that something is wrong spiritually with your brother. The point where you said you gave him money for clothes etc. Ask your mum about your family history even your dad and pray earnestly to be free.
God still hears prayers. Am a witness to God's answered prayers

HRMK:
■ noone needs to tell you that this is more of a spiritual attack that needs an urgent deliverance!look for a good pastor that specialise on such things!!

since13o:
■ Religious groups prefer deliverance here o.

Once they start deliverance, they have a life long customer if they are lucky. They also don't need to do extra wahala like keeping up with latest therapies etc.

joshkke:
Chai, what you just said renders the sacrifice of JESUS CHRIST irrelevant. It's not New Testament compliant bro

Seagodess:
■ someone gave him this advice The other day but ignoramous Nigerians waved it out.. the spiritual controls the physical

CaptMarvel:
He's under a manipulative power. He should go for deliverance. He wants to be free but that power is stronger than him. Help him see reasons why he need the job and keep praying for him.

Glowqueen3:
Your brother problem could be spiritual,l would advise you seek spiritual help on his behalf.please do that

bummyla:
Your elder brother problem is spiritual!

If you look around, most first born male do not do well in life, because they are supposed to be priest!

And when they are not, they are supposed to be redeemed by their parents in Church!

My elder brother was like yours

I took it serious when they called me that he was suicidal

As a member of RCCG we do first born redemption, MFM does that too.

Long story short, my parents, brought their gift (money) to redeem their son, he agreed, the pastors prayed for him and he no more suicidal.

He is doing ok just for himself now

comtem2011:
All your brother needs at this time is deliverance prayers. He has been captured spiritually!!! His action towards that job was not ordinary, they use remote control to control him, if not he won't accept to go back there to apologise.

They know his victory is close, but your mum has to be awake spiritually for him. Either of the 3 ways of religion that we have, embrace the one you guys believe in and act fast before they totally consume him. Thats just my opinion.

Waga02:
From what I read it shows you a kind person that believe people around him should grow. Please don't give up on him. The guy mind now is seriously in a state of confusion and he need someone like you around. Remember him in your prayers what prayer can do doesn't exist.

jagorinho:
Bro, with what you narrated here, your brother issue is spiritual, he is afflicted with the spirit of " gross Indiscipline " when he is in the midst of his helpers, you might think this is a joke but you can never have any headway with him until you and your mum tackle his problem spiritually, even if he works in Aso Rock, he will still commit one blunder that will warrant him being chased out. This world is spiritual first then physical.