₦airaland Forum

Dizzyyish:
UppaZakum

You're right. Your wife, as a woman, will only be focused on the "good" parts of your relocation. Most women go through life with various (male) safety nets around them in the form of fathers, boyfriends, husbands, even male strangers and everything in between---so foresight is not exactly their strong point---I'm certain that you see her "safety net" thought process about the situation. It'd probably be a good idea to somehow deny her access to your balances henceforth - your woman having an accurate estimate of your 'worth' (from her pov) isn't a good idea.

Your red pill instinct is right against her supporting you. Here's a comment from a while ago (to keep this one short):
https://www.nairaland.com/7263645/wild-worrisome-ways-women#115381804

This one she's just jubilating about the "fun" aspects, I don't think she'll find the responsibility of providing (for her husband) fun. I also don't know exactly how you perceive your wife but do not lose guard and underestimate a female's nature, especially when the circumstances can be 'right' for her or when you "upgrade" her. And that includes the possibility of her solipsism entering full gear in a gynocentric society so when she has gotten comfortable there she (hopefully) won't start thinking "If I can support myself and my children singlehandedly then..." Please we don't want to see you DM'ing redpill twitter accounts about your issue or recording yourself on social media talking about "I brought my wife abroad and see what see did to me" like many men before and after you.

So yes, your concerns are very valid.

Thank you. Your advice is well received. I'll read the linked thread later today. Saw your post and it was really spot on. Thanks

NuCypher:
Sadly, your wife doesn't appear resourceful. This should give you concerns. If she has a master's degree and has completed a data analytics training and she's not using any of that, what are the chances she won't get frustrated after two months of nursing training? It seems to me she's only looking at the good side of things and unwilling to labour through the difficult sides. That's disturbing.

When I read your first post, I immediately got the feeling she was one of those who get excited at traveling abroad without realistically understanding that it's a different environment and things can become very challenging. You, on the other hand, are demonstrating a very impressive and logical understanding of the situation. I really admire your outlook. I also quit a job paying me over 3m per month to travel abroad and take a new degree. That's no lie. If you wanna see proof, I can arrange to share that with you. The way you are thinking now was the exact way I thought about it. Your logic reminds me of my approach. I planned and planned and planned. I had money to live my way through for 2 years, in case I didn't get a job. I never stopped planning.

Ultimately, you are the one who knows your wife. You've lived with her a while, so you should know a thing or two to help you make quality decisions. But if I were you, I'd insist that there's simply no funding for the nursing programme. Check out how she takes it. If she starts to throw a fit for a programme she isn't going to pay for with her own money, that's a red flag. And please insist and don't change your mind. Of course, that may not be your ultimate intention as you may be willing to finally fund this for her. But the way she takes it should say a lot. It's not her money, after all, and she should demonstrate no entitlement to it. I think you could hold the card to finally fund it eventually when you guys get to the US, because, let's face it, it could really help your family. But it seems her unenterprising side isn't seeing the full picture just yet.

Finally, I think you should get her to start doing something NOW. Let her start applying for a job with her degrees and her data analytics certificate. If she continues to be lackadaisical about applying for a job and exerting herself now, I don't see how she plans to do with when she gets to the US. That's also a big red flag if she thinks she only needs to wait to get to the US before starting something. Big red flag.

In summary, let her get engaged with something now and see what her attitude is like. Let her start bringing in some money as soon as possible and pay for some stuff in the house. You need to start seeing her provider side and how she'll handle the consequences or nonconsequences of that.

Your post is very interesting with a lot of valuable insights. I appreciate your time.

First, I have buried the idea of sponsoring the nursing program based on the responses I have gotten. Access to my bank statements is now restricted (password changed). I think we're all aligned on that one.

Second, I do not have any iota of doubt about you did. My scenario is almost similar to yours. It might be difficult for any other person than the individual making the decision to wrap their head round it but I fully understand and believe it.

Third, you're right about her not being enterprising enough. I don't know if it's largely my fault. To be frank, her monthly allowance will most likely exceed the salary she'd get from most of these white collar jobs, that may have driven her lackadaisical attitude towards doing something. But a part of me still wanted her to be productive even with less pay.

Lately she has been applying for jobs and this may be related to the fact that I have scolded her severally for not making use of the training. Someone told me it was becuase I didn't let her decide what she wanted to do which I do not agree with. She told me about the data analyst training and I supported it. I understand taking care of children can take tolls on women but our kids are now grown up and she has help. Younger kid is now 2+. Whenever I get back home and log on to my computer, I could see different job sites. She's improving in that regard.

I'd take your advice to watch how she behaves when I eventually give her my final verdict. I agree with you that her doing something could help our family no matter how little, which is why I wanted her to do something productive concurrently with my PhD program. To be honest, this is going to be a very expensive venture. Accommodation alone costs around $1000/month. Health insurance only covers me and my spouse which means I have to get health insurance for my kids. Immigration expenses while rounding my the program is also another big ticket item. So I under stand that doing something will help. However, the benefits of that have to outweigh the cons by a longshot. For Nursing, the cons are numerous, so definitely a no go area. If she can consider the other alternatives- work from home, freelancing and any other avenues to make money or do a no-regret moderate course (less than $ 8 -10k) for her to switch from F-2 to F-1 visa status and be able to work as a student or any other mutually beneficial options available then I'm amenable to such. With that I can see how she behaves. The earlier I see the signs, the better. But as per this nursing thing, it ain't gonna happen as we've all agreed would be tantamount to digging one's grave.

Thanks a lot once more for your views and suggestions.

Thanks all. Useful perspectives from y'all. Glad I brought this up cos I'm already suffering from analysis paralysis.

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UppaZakum:
Good day. I would like to get your perspectives on some issues I have been facing lately. I am about to make some key decisions that could either make or mar my future, which is why I'd like to crave your indulgence. This is going to a long write-up because it’s important I provide some background.

Next year, I plan to take a career break (leave of absence) towards pursuing a PhD in the US with the hope of transitioning to a dollar-earning environment. This move is going to come with some huge sacrifice - I may have to give up my job in pursuit of this goal. In other words, no income is anticipated within the duration of the PhD (4 years). Moreover, I do not intend to return to Nigeria as I’d be applying for a green card to enable me work in the state. However, should I not be successful in the pursuit of this venture, I’d would fall back to my job in Nigeria. This is not an easy decision to make but a necessary move I have to make to further my knowledge, skills and ambition and to create a great future for my two kids.

Now, here comes the big issue. Since I notified my wife of this plan, she has been extremely joyful. She’s been making lot of plans. Despite the fact that I still have some reservations, she thinks otherwise. Each time, I bring up the reservations with logical explanations; I can see the sadness on her face. That look like “ I hope you’re not changing your mind’. I really do not care though because women folks are emotional creatures without adequate capacity for logical reasoning. While it is okay to look at all the positives that can be unlocked because of this move, it is wise to consider what could go wrong as well in order to make a more informed decision. I can tell she has not been paying attention to the downsides I have been mentioning such as lifestyle changes, possibility of not getting a job even after the PhD, weird western ideologies my kids will have to face etc). She’s just so fixated on the supposedly “good life” over there.

The second issue is the fact that since I started working on this plan, she has been discussing about pursuing a fast-track nursing program (2 years) concurrently with my Phd program. She has been researching schools and all that and has been coming to tell me about the tuition fee. I have not out rightly rejected this idea, but I have stylishly told her it would not work giving excuse that there is no fund to support that ($30,000 for 2 years). She does not seem to believe me. I do not blame her. She has access to my bank statements and knows how much I have been saving (a mistake I admit). She is also aware that I plan to save my all my upfront pay when it comes next year. She has not given up yet on her plan. Anytime I’m back from work, she will always bring it up again and tell me how she found a cheaper option, and blab la bla. She has given more than 1000 reasons why she should pursue the course. She is fond of saying since it’s a two year course, she can always support the family while I’m still pursuing my PhD. The cheapest option is still around $25k. Whenever this conversation comes up, I just maintain a deafening silence or wave it aside without making her feel bad. First, the money I have been saving is to cushion the impact of zero income for the duration of my PhD (4 years). Second, I got a full funding offer with $2500 monthly stipend. Based on my calculation, we should be able to live on the $2500 with some lifestyle adjustment. However, I am making provision for additional $1000/month to cater for miscellaneous expenses, which will come from my savings. In the same vein, after the doctorate, I’d still need some cash to process my green card or EB2-NIW visa and to stay afloat pending when I get a job in the US. In a nutshell, I’m planning to save at least $50,000. It is from this savings that my wife expects me to fund her nursing program. While it might seem like a great idea to fund the nursing program for two years, she gets a job, can then fund the family pending the completion of my PhD, my redpill instinct kicks in, and makes me feel that this is a very risky route to go. We’ve seen situations where women change the moment they start to cater for the family while their husband is not earning any income. I am currently the provider. I provide everything my wife and kids need. Financially, they are very well okay. This is no longer going to be the same over there should I go ahead and fund the nursing program. After her nursing program, she’s likely going to get a decent job and will be in a good position to support the family. While I am not opposed to this, I also have to safeguard my interests and plan for any eventualities. I have no idea what she is likely going to turn into, also considering the fact that we will be in a country where women’s interests are elevated above any other thing. Women are naturally not providers. Any woman providing will most often than not have resentment for the man. The social media is replete with cases of men sponsoring their wives overseas and their wives turning their back on them. The infamous “What have you done for me sef?” comes to mind. Most often than not, it never ends well.
Just to mention, my wife has been loyal and submissive so far. She has been a good mother to my kids. However, I will not let that cloud my judgment, the actions I take and decisions I make. The loyalty and submissiveness will most likely disappear the moment we leave the shore of Nigeria and the moment she’s done with her nursing program and become exposed to the western influence. I don’t know for sure, but I think it’s risky not to prepare for this.

To the redpillers in the house, I’d like to seek your wise counsel. Are my fears valid or unwarranted? While I’d want her to do something productive within the four years of my PhD, I am not convinced to give up my leverage. Are there any no-regret options that I can explore to ensure she's also productive within that period? I have suggested doing a data analytics course or a course not more than $10k. After critical evaluation, I thought I could still sacrifice $10k (with the hope that I will sell the car I bought for her). If she changes, no regret. Her loss. I will not lose sweat over $10k. I will continue with my life with whatever I have left in my savings. My priority is to have enough safeguards and protect all I have worked for. Moreover I can always return to Nigeria to continue my job if shits hits the fan. She does not seem to fancy my suggestion. She just wants Nursing. I have not given my final verdict yet. I wanted to get inputs from redpillers first but my busy schedule wouldn’t allow me. Now that I have the time, I welcome sound advice and suggestions from the house. The money I have saved and the one I am going to save is to help me withstand the temporary setback that will be caused by my plan.

Your concerns are vivid. It is important to be financially prepared for any eventuality, especially when you are making a big move like pursuing a PhD in the in a distant country with different clime and situations. It is also important to be aware of the cultural differences that you and your wife will face in the US.

Your wife's desire to pursue a nursing program is understandable. Nursing is a high-paying and in-demand profession in the US. However, it is important to consider the financial implications of her decision. The tuition for a nursing program is expensive, and she will likely need to take out student loans. She will also need to find a way to support herself financially while she is in school.

If your wife does not get a job after she finishes her nursing program, you will be responsible for supporting her and your children. This could put a strain on your finances, especially if you are still in school yourself. It is also possible that your wife will become resentful of you if she is the one providing for the family.

It is wise to be cautious about funding your wife's nursing program. You could offer to help her pay for a less expensive program, or you could suggest that she wait until you are finished with your PhD to pursue her nursing degree. You could also suggest that she take some online courses or get a part-time job while you are in school.

Trust your gut. If you have a gut feeling that this is not a good idea, then it probably isn't. The decision is up to you since you know your wife beta.

UppaZakum:
Your post is very interesting with a lot of valuable insights. I appreciate your time.

First, I have buried the idea of sponsoring the nursing program based on the responses I have gotten. Access to my bank statements is now restricted (password changed). I think we're all aligned on that one.

Second, I do not have any iota of doubt about you did. My scenario is almost similar to yours. It might be difficult for any other person than the individual making the decision to wrap their head round it but I fully understand and believe it.

Third, you're right about her not being enterprising enough. I don't know if it's largely my fault. To be frank, her monthly allowance will most likely exceed the salary she'd get from most of these white collar jobs, that may have driven her lackadaisical attitude towards doing something. But a part of me still wanted her to be productive even with less pay.

Lately she has been applying for jobs and this may be related to the fact that I have scolded her severally for not making use of the training. Someone told me it was becuase I didn't let her decide what she wanted to do which I do not agree with. She told me about the data analyst training and I supported it. I understand taking care of children can take tolls on women but our kids are now grown up and she has help. Younger kid is now 2+. Whenever I get back home and log on to my computer, I could see different job sites. She's improving in that regard.

I'd take your advice to watch how she behaves when I eventually give her my final verdict. I agree with you that her doing something could help our family no matter how little, which is why I wanted her to do something productive concurrently with my PhD program. To be honest, this is going to be a very expensive venture. Accommodation alone costs around $1000/month. Health insurance only covers me and my spouse which means I have to get health insurance for my kids. Immigration expenses while rounding my the program is also another big ticket item. So I under stand that doing something will help. However, the benefits of that have to outweigh the cons by a longshot. For Nursing, the cons are numerous, so definitely a no go area. If she can consider the other alternatives- work from home, freelancing and any other avenues to make money or do a no-regret moderate course (less than $ 8 -10k) for her to switch from F-2 to F-1 visa status and be able to work as a student or any other mutually beneficial options available then I'm amenable to such. With that I can see how she behaves. The earlier I see the signs, the better. But as per this nursing thing, it ain't gonna happen as we've all agreed would be tantamount to digging one's grave.

Thanks a lot once more for your views and suggestions.

Thanks all. Useful perspectives from y'all. Glad I brought this up cos I'm already suffering from analysis paralysis.

If i may ask, why don’t you want her to do the nursing thing? Wont this amount to blocking her from being successful? I think it’s a selfish idea to block her shine inorder to keep her subservient.

If she goes ahead to study nursing and she changes in the process, isn’t it better for you?

Also if she becomes successful, i do believe if you are worthy of respect, she would always show it.

Empowering your wife economically can also be an investment in the future of your kids. God forbid something happens to you? My dad died when i was 3 or 4 and i was raised by my Mom. Imagine if she wasn’t empowered economically.

In a girl-boy chatting scenerio, if you are always starting a convo, know that she isn't into you as much as u are in her, cause women naturally crave attention, why are you the one craving that attention.



Think about it.

Labdi69:
If i may ask, why don’t you want her to do the nursing thing? Wont this amount to blocking her from being successful? I think it’s a selfish idea to block her shine inorder to keep her subservient.

If she goes ahead to study nursing and she changes in the process, isn’t it better for you?

Also if she becomes successful, i do believe if you are worthy of respect, she would always show it.

Empowering your wife economically can also be an investment in the future of your kids. God forbid something happens to you? My dad died when i was 3 or 4 and i was raised by my Mom. Imagine if she wasn’t empowered economically.

You have probably been reading without understanding. What planet are you from? You would rather want me to provide financial support in a way that compromises my overall financial health and long term career goals, init? We've lived together for >5 years on my own income without any squabbles. I have happily discharged my responsibilities as a man. Imagine now making a decision that puts a strain on my own finances without any guarantee that such move will yield any long term mutual benefits. We've seen the outcome for those who have undertaken similar moves. If she wants it, let her work and save enough money to fund it herself. I will not be used as a scape goat. Imagine me sacrificing my finances for her nursing ambition and when it's time to reciprocate the gesture, I'd be getting nothing but disdain. Here's a likely scenario that can play out.
Hubby: Babe, could you assist with $20k to process my immigration expenses for green card? You know employers have no issue employing international students provided they have their green cards.
Wifey (now a Nurse): But you don't need it now. Since I'm already working, why not just stay at home and help with the kids and chores?
Hubby: But remember I had this money saved up but used it to fund your nursing program.
Wifey: Errm.. Yes. But,,ah! *makes only decision that benefits her, which is likely not going to be in the hubby's best interest*.
It is at this point he then realizes he's finished


lol.. I don't even wish this situation for my enemy. The implications are far reaching. As Fashola would say, "May our loyalty not be tested". It is indisputable fact that women suck at taking financial responsibilities.

Don't worry, nothing will happen to her. I can guarantee that putting myself first and reaching my long term career goal first benefits both of us.

Next time, please reveal your gender. I only responded based on the assumption that you're a male. I don't take advice of this nature from women, simps and beta-males. Thanks though.

jaywon442

Thanks for your captivating take on the subject matter. You've said it all. Nothing to add. Thanks

UppaZakum:
You have probably been reading without understanding. What planet are you from? You would rather want me to provide financial support in a way that compromises my overall financial health and long term career goals, init? We've lived together for >5 years on my own income without any squabbles. I have happily discharged my responsibilities as a man. Imagine now making a decision that puts a strain on my own finances without any guarantee that such move will yield any long mutual benefits. We've seen the outcome for those who have undertaken similar moves. If she wants it, let her work and save enough money to fund it herself. I will not be used as the scape goat. Imagine me sacrificing my finances for her nursing ambition and when it's time to reciprocate the gesture, it'd be nothing but disdain. Here's a likely scenario that can play out.
Hubby: Babe, could you assist with $20k to process my immigration expenses for green card? You know employers have no issue employing international students provided they have their green cards.
Wifey (now a Nurse): But you don't need it now. Since I'm already working, why not just stay at home and help with the kids and chores?
Hubby: But remember I had this money saved up but used it to fund your nursing program.
Wifey: Errm.. Yes. But,,ah! *makes only decision that benefits her, which is likely not going to be in the hubby's best interest*.
It is at this point he then realizes he's finished


lol.. I don't even wish this situation for my enemy. The implications are far reaching. As Fashola would say, "May our loyalty not be tested". It is indisputable fact that women suck at taking financial responsibilities.

Don't worry, nothing will happen to her. I can guarantee that putting myself first and reaching my long term career goal first benefits both of us.

Next time, please reveal your gender. I only responded based on the assumption that you're a male. I don't take advice of this nature from women, simps and beta-males. Thanks though.

That guy wan make woman finish you

UppaZakum:
You have probably been reading without understanding. What planet are you from? You would rather want me to provide financial support in a way that compromises my overall financial health and long term career goals, init? We've lived together for >5 years on my own income without any squabbles. I have happily discharged my responsibilities as a man. Imagine now making a decision that puts a strain on my own finances without any guarantee that such move will yield any long mutual benefits. We've seen the outcome for those who have undertaken similar moves. If she wants it, let her work and save enough money to fund it herself. I will not be used as the scape goat. Imagine me sacrificing my finances for her nursing ambition and when it's time to reciprocate the gesture, it'd be nothing but disdain. Here's a likely scenario that can play out.
Hubby: Babe, could you assist with $20k to process my immigration expenses for green card? You know employers have no issue employing international students provided they have their green cards.
Wifey (now a Nurse): But you don't need it now. Since I'm already working, why not just stay at home and help with the kids and chores?
Hubby: But remember I had this money saved up but used it to fund your nursing program.
Wifey: Errm.. Yes. But,,ah! *makes only decision that benefits her, which is likely not going to be in the hubby's best interest*.
It is at this point he then realizes he's finished


lol.. I don't even wish this situation for my enemy. The implications are far reaching. As Fashola would say, "May our loyalty not be tested". It is indisputable fact that women suck at taking financial responsibilities.

Don't worry, nothing will happen to her. I can guarantee that putting myself first and reaching my long term career goal first benefits both of us.

Next time, please reveal your gender. I only responded based on the assumption that you're a male. I don't take advice of this nature from women, simps and beta-males. Thanks though.

Well said. I’m a male and also not a simp or redpiller. I just am.

Based on the way you’ve broken it down, you’re not trying to block her shine. It’s simply rational allocation of scarce resources. Instead of painting it in such a way that it would seem as outright denial to your wife, you may want to explain the reason why it’s not a great idea at this point in time to wifey so you don’t build resentment for no reason. It’s actually a decision in the best interest of your family at this time so as not to jeopardize your ability to provide (an ability you would not like to outsource as a responsible man).

Let her know that when things become abit stable, you would be happy to. Alternatively, she can try finding a side gig to save up and you may even chip in as well. This I believe is a better way to go about it. If you married a reasonable wife which i know you did, she would understand. It’s all about timing and its simply not the right time.

It all boils down to rational decision making and not a battle of wills.

Labdi69:
Well said. I’m a male and also not a simp or redpiller. I just am.

Based on the way you’ve broken it down, you’re not trying to block her shine. It’s simply rational allocation of scarce resources. Instead of painting it in such a way that it would seem as outright denial to your wife, you may want to explain the reason why it’s not a great idea at this point in time to wifey so you don’t build resentment for no reason. It’s actually a decision in the best interest of your family at this time so as not to jeopardize your ability to provide (an ability you would not like to outsource as a responsible man).

Let her know that when things become abit stable, you would be happy to. Alternatively, she can try finding a side gig to save up and you may even chip in as well. This I believe is a better way to go about it. If you married a reasonable wife which i know you did, she would understand. It’s all about timing and its simply not the right time.

It all boils down to rational decision making and not a battle of wills.

Well received. Thanks

UppaZakum:
Your post is very interesting with a lot of valuable insights. I appreciate your time.

First, I have buried the idea of sponsoring the nursing program based on the responses I have gotten. Access to my bank statements is now restricted (password changed). I think we're all aligned on that one.

Second, I do not have any iota of doubt about you did. My scenario is almost similar to yours. It might be difficult for any other person than the individual making the decision to wrap their head round it but I fully understand and believe it.

Third, you're right about her not being enterprising enough. I don't know if it's largely my fault. To be frank, her monthly allowance will most likely exceed the salary she'd get from most of these white collar jobs, that may have driven her lackadaisical attitude towards doing something. But a part of me still wanted her to be productive even with less pay.

Lately she has been applying for jobs and this may be related to the fact that I have scolded her severally for not making use of the training. Someone told me it was becuase I didn't let her decide what she wanted to do which I do not agree with. She told me about the data analyst training and I supported it. I understand taking care of children can take tolls on women but our kids are now grown up and she has help. Younger kid is now 2+. Whenever I get back home and log on to my computer, I could see different job sites. She's improving in that regard.

I'd take your advice to watch how she behaves when I eventually give her my final verdict. I agree with you that her doing something could help our family no matter how little, which is why I wanted her to do something productive concurrently with my PhD program. To be honest, this is going to be a very expensive venture. Accommodation alone costs around $1000/month. Health insurance only covers me and my spouse which means I have to get health insurance for my kids. Immigration expenses while rounding my the program is also another big ticket item. So I under stand that doing something will help. However, the benefits of that have to outweigh the cons by a longshot. For Nursing, the cons are numerous, so definitely a no go area. If she can consider the other alternatives- work from home, freelancing and any other avenues to make money or do a no-regret moderate course (less than $ 8 -10k) for her to switch from F-2 to F-1 visa status and be able to work as a student or any other mutually beneficial options available then I'm amenable to such. With that I can see how she behaves. The earlier I see the signs, the better. But as per this nursing thing, it ain't gonna happen as we've all agreed would be tantamount to digging one's grave.

Thanks a lot once more for your views and suggestions.

Thanks all. Useful perspectives from y'all. Glad I brought this up cos I'm already suffering from analysis paralysis.

Guy you better give yourself sense and stop listening to teenagers and inexperienced lazy youths here. Also, you must be a man with very low self esteem if you dey fear for your wife to do well. She’s your wife for Christ’s sake. If you feel scared or threatened about her success, why the fukk did you marry her?

You better get off this site and go and seek advice from close friends and family members that understand your circumstances better. How can you come to a Nairaland thread to seek advice for something like this? I feel like slapping that your bald head I swear

BTW, you better work on your writing skills. You like to write senseless epistles that could have been written concisely in one or two paragraphs. Who the fukk has time to be reading repetitive epistles in the real world

UppaZakum:
1. I agree I made a mistake in the regard. There are a lot of things I delegated to her to run for me while I'm at work. Eg interfaces with guys working on site, exchange money for me at bureau de change, pays the kids tuition fees and any other school related fees etc. Most time, I do not have the time to do all of these so I delegate the responsibilities to her and she needs to be able to make transfers. But that will be taken care of now.

2. Indeed. That has been my original plan and it appears that will be my final verdict. I have enrolled her in a data analyst training here in Naija to allow her at least keep her brain busy and earn some money while at home. but since that training ended, she has not put it into any good use. She's not even making any effort. This is someone who has a masters degree. Some women just become so lazy when their husband is doing well and taking care of all their needs. Although she's been applying for jobs lately. From what I have discovered so far, she prefers all these white collar jobs.

3. Exactly. I don't understand the obsession with the Nursing degree. It is up to her to remain submissive. Any act of insubordination will be treated the redpill way.

4. Thanks for this suggestion. Will definitely take it into consideration.

5. While I know her to a large extent to be loyal and submissive, it'd be risky to assume same will happen in a different environment and under different circumstances. It's like trusting the loyalty of a broke man without money to fund his temptations. Money reveal peoples' real character especially women.
I have at several times cancelled the plan. She will only get sad and try to talk me out of it. If I insists and say 'No', that's it, she doesn't bother me again. Whenever I bring it up again, she will laugh at me and try to scold me about raising her hope again.
.
Your summary says it all. While there are few exceptional women who will stand by their men against all odds, the statistics shows that a vast majority of these women show their husbands shege once they relocate abroad. Apart from our parents, it is hard to tell who really has our best interest at heart. Without the gift of foresight, I'd rather take a risk averse approach and thread with caution.
All lizards lie on their stomachs, but we cannot tell which has a stomach-ache

I think the learnings for me are:
1. it appears I'm on the right track. My concerns are valid and should not be tossed aside.
2. She should explore the work from home options while she takes time to integrate into the new environment.
3. Have enough fail safe options back at home.
If she wants to go ahead with the Nursing, I will not stop her but let her know she's on her own. She can save her own money or work long enough to save money for it.

Thanks Guys.

Guy, to be totally honest with you, you have a good wife right there. Don’t listen to these chronic masturbators that have never been in relationships tell you otherwise.

A woman that has been there for you and helped in taking care of your kids and doing extra stuff for you while you focused on work is the one these fools are giving you redpill advice on. You must be a big fool if you take them seriously.

So this woman that had access to your account and never cleaned you out or made you spend all that money on herself and her family members is the one you are second guessing now? I feel like giving you heavy konk for that your bald head I swear

Better be happy that she’s willing to do something good with her life. She’s your wife not your slave. Worst case scenario, when the chips are down, she will take care of the kids. Isn’t that the most important thing to any father?

I am hoping that it’s not that one bank account that all your life savings dey cos that one deserves another hot konk for that your coconut head

Labdi69:
Well said. I’m a male and also not a simp or redpiller. I just am.

Based on the way you’ve broken it down, you’re not trying to block her shine. It’s simply rational allocation of scarce resources. Instead of painting it in such a way that it would seem as outright denial to your wife, you may want to explain the reason why it’s not a great idea at this point in time to wifey so you don’t build resentment for no reason. It’s actually a decision in the best interest of your family at this time so as not to jeopardize your ability to provide (an ability you would not like to outsource as a responsible man).

Let her know that when things become abit stable, you would be happy to. Alternatively, she can try finding a side gig to save up and you may even chip in as well. This I believe is a better way to go about it. If you married a reasonable wife which i know you did, she would understand. It’s all about timing and its simply not the right time.

It all boils down to rational decision making and not a battle of wills.

Labadi....I know say na you go dey type like a drunkard like this...instead of you to read his story from the beginning, you jumped in midway dey type nonsense.

If you had read well, that woman has a master's degree and her husband sponsored her on a data science course that she refused to use to make bread...so how is OP stopping her shine biko?

This second advice of yours ain't better... OP is not interested in sponsoring his wife for nursing...not after her refusing to use her numerous skillsets.

luminouz:
Labadi....I know say na you go dey type like a drunkard like this...instead of you to read his story from the beginning, you jumped in midway dey type nonsense.

If you had read well, that woman has a master's degree and her husband sponsored her on a data science course that she refused to use to make bread...so how is OP stopping her shine biko?

This second advice of yours ain't better... OP is not interested in sponsoring his wife for nursing...not after her refusing to use her numerous skillsets.

You clearly are very inexperienced. Did you read where he said the wife takes care of the kids and all his other affairs when he’s at work? Hopeless chronic masturbator like you. You expect her to do all that and still be going to work to do 9 to 5 abi?

Btw, you must be a fool not to know that person no be labadi but a groupie that so wants to be labadi

Agbaje1246:
That guy wan make woman finish you

Lol. Guilt tripping is a very poor strategy that never works on me. All I read had emotions written all over it.
I know too well to separate the wheat from the chaff.

The problem with most men is that they are always on the look out to please women.
Don't look for a woman to please, look for a woman that will please YOU.

The problem with most men is that once they see a woman they like ,they instantly start developing feelings and relationship vibes.

Instead of thinking "how will I get to fvck her and move on",
They're thinking "how will I get to date her"

They automatically misconstrue dating for fvxking since it's the only avenue they can get anything close to regular sex.

Meanwhile,women can get sex whether they are in a relationship or not.

Bad boys and players exhibit lotta behaviors synonymous to that of females.

Young man,learn and understand the behavior of the opposite gender.

Society made the average guy so gullible and expendable.

You dare not go outside the norms of society!!

You must marry
You must be self sacrificing

Basically feeding your brain with "you must never think for yourself/about yourself.

You must learn to be stupid.

Young Man, wake up!!

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/J0gWLJSaxq0?feature=share
Unpopular opinion

I think this lady stated a straight-up fact!

I think that marriage is contractual, two people coming together

If a Man wants a stay-at-home wife I think upon divorce especially "IF" she was someone that had something going on for her, before the Marriage, I think she should be compensated upon divorce.

But if she agrees to still work during the marriage then a prenup should suffice for both parties.

Y'all should check this thread out.


https://www.nairaland.com/7796241/pathetic-story-simping-how-nigerian

Orpazpjr:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/J0gWLJSaxq0?feature=share
Unpopular opinion

I think this lady stated a straight-up fact!

I think that marriage is contractual, two people coming together

If a Man wants a stay-at-home wife I think upon divorce especially "IF" she was someone that had something going on for her, before the Marriage, I think she should be compensated upon divorce.

But if she agrees to still work during the marriage then a prenup should suffice for both parties.

You think say prenup na for poor man?

Wotowotoman:
You think say prenup na for poor man?

Hey Labadi69 aka Tranquility2345 aka Truvelisback how you doing?

Will be grateful to get the answer.

Thanks

Kipaji:
I just did 170 days--5 months and a half--of semen retention. I would be more than happy to give you a thorough answer. I will save your question and answer it later.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5z8-9Op2nM


This is insightful, really insightful talks from a divorce lawyer

Wotowotoman:
You think say prenup na for poor man?

First o, wetin you think of the video first, watch am first!


Secondly, exactly na why I talk say if as Man you get bread and you de where e b say, once e sup you go lose properties e fresh make you run Prenup before time.


No be you wan marry?

But if the barney been de make bread and you come tell am say make she de stay house and she gree to leave all those things come de with you, I no mean say una de ground zero, but say she on her on own, been fit de survive on top all that career woman thing, I believe say she suppose de compensated.

Last, last automatically, most women won't qualify because not all are that industrious!

Warfare: Control The Pacing To Stack The Odds

In warfare, pacing is extremely important and determines the tone of the conflict.

Slowing down the pace, depriving of information, dragging things out etc incites impatience and racks up expenses - this is war through attrition and focuses on exhausting resources both mental and material to drain the enemy over time. This is a low energy slow moving strategy that aims to bring about a win condition by taking so long it depletes the enemy of all vital resources, or agitates them so greatly they make greater concessions to bring about hastier resolution.

Overwhelming a defence simultaneously from all angles with multi vector bombardment (blitzkrieg) to break through a defensive line (or pressure point) and elicit surrender is a much higher energy strategy which involves limiting their options to make your offer the most appealing. This typically involves a lot of pre-planning to cut off their routes of escape for when you plan to strike. This entails having a knowledge of what their options are, what they are likely to do, and either making said options costlier than giving you what you want, or removing them as options entirely before they even know you're in conflict.

Flow of information follows the same principle of attrition and bombardment, either give them very little to work with to reinforce their ignorance through mysteriousness, or give them more than they can handle to cause confusion via complexity. The latter is the spirit of malicious compliance, giving them what they request - just not in the way they want it.

These principles apply as much to a competitive video game as they do to a business deal or a divorce. Determine the pace. Make them go slow when they want to go fast, and fast when they want to go slow. If they are desperate for it to be over and want the quick win, drag it out. Even if you cannot win, make their win more costly to make your loss less painful. If they want to drag it out, look for their stress points to break through and yield a concession (identify weakness, and apply leverage against it) - this isn't done for the sake of spite, but to throw them off by frustrating them thereby undermining their clarity of thought and tactical efficiency.

People who have to go slow when they want to move fast are frustrated things aren't moving along quicker, and people who have to move fast when they want to go slow are caught off guard and often forced into making a move when no move is their best option (zugzwang).

Being patient and able to endure a protracted conflict whilst also being able to anticipate sudden changes in tempo which force you to act quickly is key. Treat the battlefield as a fluid space with variations in tempo that reward whoever adapts to them quickest. Secure an advantage by forcing them to react, rather than always being the one forced to react. If you think of it as a dance, the one forcing reactions through their action and inaction is controlling the tempo and thereby the pacing, whilst the one always reacting is on the backfoot and thereby at a disadvantage.

He who sets the pace, and switches pace based on optimal logistics and timing has an unfair advantage and thus the highest probability of winning. And remember, not everything in this life is zero sum, but when it is - set the pace to stack the deck in your favour. If you're forced to go at their speed, they're in control.

Friendly reminder that any "girl" you see very active on nairaland is indeed a sissy MAN or perhaps ugly as fûck and cannot compete with the real girls on real social media.

When the internet was still the internet, those kind of people only get one reply from us: "Show tits or get the fûck out!"

Smartb0y:
The problem with most men is that once they see a woman they like ,they instantly start developing feelings and relationship vibes.

Instead of thinking "how will I get to fvck her and move on",
They're thinking "how will I get to date her"

They automatically misconstrue dating for fvxking since it's the only avenue they can get anything close to regular sex.

Meanwhile,women can get sex whether they are in a relationship or not.

Bad boys and players exhibit lotta behaviors synonymous to that of females.

Young man,learn and understand the behavior of the opposite gender.

Society made the average guy so gullible and expendable.

You dare not go outside the norms of society!!

You must marry
You must be self sacrificing

Basically feeding your brain with "you must never think for yourself/about yourself.

You must learn to be stupid.

Young Man, wake up!!

Thank you for this post Smartb0y. It will allow me to deconstruct one or two reasons why the redpill is bullsh*t. Let's go.

The problem with most men is that once they see a woman they like ,they instantly start developing feelings and relationship vibes.

This is a contradiction. Liking a woman means having feelings for her. So, how can you see a woman you like without developing feelings for her?

Instead of thinking "how will I get to fvck her and move on"

The emboldened is not a masculine thought. This is the thought of a man overwhelmed by lust. And you can be damn sure many women will weaponize it against you. Protect yourself by fighting your lust. Let women lust after you, women are the real perverts.
It also shows that redpill guys see women as something to ejaculate in and move on which is not righteous. And then when these women become single mothers because guys like you just wanted to "fvck her and move on" you will be the first one to blame feminism for the spread of single motherhood.

Bad boys and players exhibit lotta behaviors synonymous to that of females.

This just shows that bad boys are feminine. As a masculine man, you should not behave like women, whether that gets you sex or not. Better be a masculine man with 0 chicks than an effeminate bad boy with an harem.

UppaZakum:
You have probably been reading without understanding. What planet are you from? You would rather want me to provide financial support in a way that compromises my overall financial health and long term career goals, init? We've lived together for >5 years on my own income without any squabbles. I have happily discharged my responsibilities as a man. Imagine now making a decision that puts a strain on my own finances without any guarantee that such move will yield any long term mutual benefits. We've seen the outcome for those who have undertaken similar moves. If she wants it, let her work and save enough money to fund it herself. I will not be used as a scape goat. Imagine me sacrificing my finances for her nursing ambition and when it's time to reciprocate the gesture, I'd be getting nothing but disdain. Here's a likely scenario that can play out.
Hubby: Babe, could you assist with $20k to process my immigration expenses for green card? You know employers have no issue employing international students provided they have their green cards.
Wifey (now a Nurse): But you don't need it now. Since I'm already working, why not just stay at home and help with the kids and chores?
Hubby: But remember I had this money saved up but used it to fund your nursing program.
Wifey: Errm.. Yes. But,,ah! *makes only decision that benefits her, which is likely not going to be in the hubby's best interest*.
It is at this point he then realizes he's finished


lol.. I don't even wish this situation for my enemy. The implications are far reaching. As Fashola would say, "May our loyalty not be tested". It is indisputable fact that women suck at taking financial responsibilities.

Don't worry, nothing will happen to her. I can guarantee that putting myself first and reaching my long term career goal first benefits both of us.

Next time, please reveal your gender. I only responded based on the assumption that you're a male. I don't take advice of this nature from women, simps and beta-males. Thanks though.

.

UppaZakum:
Good day. I would like to get your perspectives on some issues I have been facing lately. I am about to make some key decisions that could either make or mar my future, which is why I'd like to crave your indulgence. This is going to a long write-up because it’s important I provide some background.

Next year, I plan to take a career break (leave of absence) towards pursuing a PhD in the US with the hope of transitioning to a dollar-earning environment. This move is going to come with some huge sacrifice - I may have to give up my job in pursuit of this goal. In other words, no income is anticipated within the duration of the PhD (4 years). Moreover, I do not intend to return to Nigeria as I’d be applying for a green card to enable me work in the state. However, should I not be successful in the pursuit of this venture, I’d would fall back to my job in Nigeria. This is not an easy decision to make but a necessary move I have to make to further my knowledge, skills and ambition and to create a great future for my two kids.

Now, here comes the big issue. Since I notified my wife of this plan, she has been extremely joyful. She’s been making lot of plans. Despite the fact that I still have some reservations, she thinks otherwise. Each time, I bring up the reservations with logical explanations; I can see the sadness on her face. That look like “ I hope you’re not changing your mind’. I really do not care though because women folks are emotional creatures without adequate capacity for logical reasoning. While it is okay to look at all the positives that can be unlocked because of this move, it is wise to consider what could go wrong as well in order to make a more informed decision. I can tell she has not been paying attention to the downsides I have been mentioning such as lifestyle changes, possibility of not getting a job even after the PhD, weird western ideologies my kids will have to face etc). She’s just so fixated on the supposedly “good life” over there.

The second issue is the fact that since I started working on this plan, she has been discussing about pursuing a fast-track nursing program (2 years) concurrently with my Phd program. She has been researching schools and all that and has been coming to tell me about the tuition fee. I have not out rightly rejected this idea, but I have stylishly told her it would not work giving excuse that there is no fund to support that ($30,000 for 2 years). She does not seem to believe me. I do not blame her. She has access to my bank statements and knows how much I have been saving (a mistake I admit). She is also aware that I plan to save my all my upfront pay when it comes next year. She has not given up yet on her plan. Anytime I’m back from work, she will always bring it up again and tell me how she found a cheaper option, and blab la bla. She has given more than 1000 reasons why she should pursue the course. She is fond of saying since it’s a two year course, she can always support the family while I’m still pursuing my PhD. The cheapest option is still around $25k. Whenever this conversation comes up, I just maintain a deafening silence or wave it aside without making her feel bad. First, the money I have been saving is to cushion the impact of zero income for the duration of my PhD (4 years). Second, I got a full funding offer with $2500 monthly stipend. Based on my calculation, we should be able to live on the $2500 with some lifestyle adjustment. However, I am making provision for additional $1000/month to cater for miscellaneous expenses, which will come from my savings. In the same vein, after the doctorate, I’d still need some cash to process my green card or EB2-NIW visa and to stay afloat pending when I get a job in the US. In a nutshell, I’m planning to save at least $50,000. It is from this savings that my wife expects me to fund her nursing program. While it might seem like a great idea to fund the nursing program for two years, she gets a job, can then fund the family pending the completion of my PhD, my redpill instinct kicks in, and makes me feel that this is a very risky route to go. We’ve seen situations where women change the moment they start to cater for the family while their husband is not earning any income. I am currently the provider. I provide everything my wife and kids need. Financially, they are very well okay. This is no longer going to be the same over there should I go ahead and fund the nursing program. After her nursing program, she’s likely going to get a decent job and will be in a good position to support the family. While I am not opposed to this, I also have to safeguard my interests and plan for any eventualities. I have no idea what she is likely going to turn into, also considering the fact that we will be in a country where women’s interests are elevated above any other thing. Women are naturally not providers. Any woman providing will most often than not have resentment for the man. The social media is replete with cases of men sponsoring their wives overseas and their wives turning their back on them. The infamous “What have you done for me sef?” comes to mind. Most often than not, it never ends well.
Just to mention, my wife has been loyal and submissive so far. She has been a good mother to my kids. However, I will not let that cloud my judgment, the actions I take and decisions I make. The loyalty and submissiveness will most likely disappear the moment we leave the shore of Nigeria and the moment she’s done with her nursing program and become exposed to the western influence. I don’t know for sure, but I think it’s risky not to prepare for this.

To the redpillers in the house, I’d like to seek your wise counsel. Are my fears valid or unwarranted? While I’d want her to do something productive within the four years of my PhD, I am not convinced to give up my leverage. Are there any no-regret options that I can explore to ensure she's also productive within that period? I have suggested doing a data analytics course or a course not more than $10k. After critical evaluation, I thought I could still sacrifice $10k (with the hope that I will sell the car I bought for her). If she changes, no regret. Her loss. I will not lose sweat over $10k. I will continue with my life with whatever I have left in my savings. My priority is to have enough safeguards and protect all I have worked for. Moreover I can always return to Nigeria to continue my job if shits hits the fan. She does not seem to fancy my suggestion. She just wants Nursing. I have not given my final verdict yet. I wanted to get inputs from redpillers first but my busy schedule wouldn’t allow me. Now that I have the time, I welcome sound advice and suggestions from the house. The money I have saved and the one I am going to save is to help me withstand the temporary setback that will be caused by my plan.

..

this kind thing made me stop using whatsapp, and phone calls with girls.
everyday money for this and that. there was a time i called 4different girls and they all asked me for money like i am a fkng atm

heartofcity12:
Shiit is real

Isn't this the former moniker of the person you quoted?:
https://www.nairaland.com/7166252/wahala-chaos-female-nature/3#113990082

https://www.nairaland.com/7166252/wahala-chaos-female-nature/2#113937142

https://www.nairaland.com/7166252/wahala-chaos-female-nature/2#113937215

This message was sponsored by the Make Money and Women Will Come Foundation.

Dizzyyish:
Isn't this the former moniker of the person you quoted?:
https://www.nairaland.com/7166252/wahala-chaos-female-nature/3#113990082

https://www.nairaland.com/7166252/wahala-chaos-female-nature/2#113937142

https://www.nairaland.com/7166252/wahala-chaos-female-nature/2#113937215

This message was sponsored by the Make Money and Women Will Come Foundation.

😂😂😂😂