₦airaland Forum

Grandlord:
I love this post. You are a free bird just like me. I'm a renegade when it comes to following certain cultural 'norms' Stay free and do whatever makes you happy. That's the most important thing in life. People take things too seriously but for real, nothing really dey this life like this. Bless you

dont you want to fùck

Jewessgratitud3:
Lol.. I'm July.

LoL but you want to look like the November though.. anyway thanks for sharing your experience don't force it not everyone is meant to be in a relationship just follow your heart and do what make you happy

casualobserver:
Exactly. This is just a self consolation epistle. The reality is that at 42, even if she wants to marry (which deep down she does). She will struggle to find a man.

Women should not deceive themselves. No 42yr old woman has “suitors”. A man going after a 42 yr old woman is not looking for marriage. At that age the men chasing you are either already married or want to marry a younger women or are divorced. At 42, it is a woman who does the “suiting”. At 42 the only option to find a man is to settle for what you turned down in your youth except this time you are the 2nd wife or side chick whereas you were the main chick in your youth.

It is unfortunate that by the time many women realize the realities of dating and matching, it is too late for them. Women do not find husbands like we like to say, men find wives and the age window for a woman to be “found” is limited.

Life lessons for women. A woman is like fresh fish in the market and a man is like the buyer. There is a limited period when the fish remains fresh and can command competition amongst buyers and the best price in the market. If the seller doesn’t strike a deal with a buyer within that period, by evening you will end up discounting the fish and still no buyers or forced to eat your fish yourself, give it out for free or throw them away. So when the fruit is still Fresh, if the price is reasonable you take it because tomorrow there will be new fresh fish and nobody wants your fish anymore. The difference between a woman and a man is that 1). The quality of your fish goes down by the minute 2) you have a limited period to strike a deal with a good buyer, whereas for a man if he goes to market and his money cannot buy good fish today, he can go home work harder and raise the money to buy good fish tomorrow.

The market seller (Women) should remember when their fish is fresh that they are not the only ones in the market with fish, so when you have fresh fish and have competition for your fish, you must strike a deal or else there may never get an opportunity to tell the fish, certainly if you don’t sell while it is fresh, if you manage to sell it will never be at the price you were offered when fresh and which you rejected. So coming after the market has closed with epistle nobody asked you for about how you like the taste of your fish is as they say story for the gods, everybody knows you are eating your fish because there are no buyers.

The problem with many mature women who are still marriable is that they are still pricing their fish at the same price as fresh fish. After 35 you can’t have the same expectations (price) as you had when you were 25. You didn’t get that price when it was fresh how do you expect to get the same price when it isn’t fresh and there is new stock of fresh fish in the market?

Over 90% of modern women don't realize this.

They confuse men's demand for sex with men's demand for marriage.

Na women dey control sex, but na man dey control marriage.

A woman derermine s if copulation will ever take place but men determine if marriage will ever occur.

ahnie:
You really need to peddle down a lil bit and stop this mindset.marriage is not an achievement really,but there's a balance it gives in a woman's life
Like I said before,we all have our different choices in life.
If the op wishes to stay single it's her choice then I want to believe she has her reasons and as such shouldn't be coerced.

.. At the bolded.. very very True.

YesDaddy1:
Over 90% of modern women don't realize this.

They confuse men's demand for sex with men's demand for marriage.

Na women dey control sex, but na man dey control marriage.

A woman derermine s if copulation will ever take place but men determine if marriage will ever occur.

At 42 any “suitor” is not looking for marriage no matter what he tells the woman or no matter what a woman tells herself, the only exception is a divorcee or widower who does not want any more children. At 42 a woman has little to offer a man but companionship and sex. At 42, no man without children is looking at her as a potential partner to start a family and a man knows that at 42 a woman has most likely lost her innocence, is jaded, bitter, cynical and has had so many disappointments she is emotionally unavailable and therefore too much hard work..

Jewessgratitud3:
LoL.. you think that scares me?

Ogar, my life no revolve around having children and doing what society feels it's the norm. Get that into your thick skull abi which language I wan use tell una this things again.

Lolz. When you reach old age with no child you can call your own, your eyes will clear.

For now, be enjoying your delusion.

casualobserver:
At 42 any “suitor” is not looking for marriage no matter what he tells the woman or no matter what a woman tells herself, the only exception is a divorcee or widower who does not want any more children. At 42 a woman has little to offer a man but companionship and sex. At 42, no man without children is looking at her as a potential partner to start a family and a man knows that at 42 a woman has most likely lost her innocence, is jaded, bitter, cynical and has had so many disappointments she is emotionally unavailable and therefore too much hard work..

Speak for yourself. I have young guys disturbing me for marriage and they are not public dogs like majority who just want to sleep with a woman. These ones are born again Christians doing well for themselves.

Please not every man is a randy goat. Stop thinking every guy is like you.

3ice9ce:
I don't think so. I think she's naturally slow in the head, so she consistently makes poor decisions. She revels in her own destruction and in looking for the downfall of others, she supervises her own downfall.
Shes a failure in life and tries to use mental escapism to forget her sorrows.

This Oga again? Live and let live, it's her personal decision and her life. Whatever rocks her boat inasmuch she's happy.
You can bash people for the world. Same way, you dealt with one UK guy in the other thread.
I think you should be given a trophy.

Jewessgratitud3:
You're stupid. 2014 I was 40? Or you didn't read the part I said I was out of job? To show you don't have common sense at your age, you're calling me a thief. Did I steal from you?
!

You should read post and ignore them with a smile. If you try to thuug it out with them, you'll be wasting your time.

Jewessgratitud3:
Speak for yourself. I have young guys disturbing me for marriage and they are not public dogs like majority who just want to sleep with a woman. These ones are born again Christians doing well for themselves.

Please not every man is a randy goat. Stop thinking every guy is like you.

Let me know the day these imaginary suitors put a ring on your finger. Why would a young guy want to marry a 42 yr old? You didnt think to ask yourself why they don’t want to marry a fertile woman of their age or younger? Why if they truly exist and are truly doing well for themselves, they are selling themselves short by marrying a 42 yr old woman? You clearly are as foolish in your old age as you were in your youth and have learnt nothing. It’s one thing to have bad experiences in life, it’s another to learn nothing from them.

At 42, who wants to take on that responsibility without any upside? ….you are delusional. I am a man I am telling you as it is. If you like continue to deceive yourself, you will come here at 50 and at 60 to write another epistle of how you are “happy” to spend the rest of your life alone.

This church and religion you are carrying on your heads is what is troubling many mature women. Back In the the day you would all have had some respectability as 2nd or 3rd wives. But you have all said 1 man 1 wife so good luck finding husband at 42.


That’s why young men can be deceiving single women of 42 with hopes of marriage.

EDIT: I am not trying to be mean to you, I am just telling you the harsh realities from a man’s point of view. In your write up you mentioned knowingly or unknowingly mentioned the financial status of men in your life because it is important to women. Any man who does not realize that is delusional. So also I am telling you as a man, fertility is the most important value a woman has in a man’s eyes. The less fertile you are the less value you have. These things are pure genetics from the days of Adam and Eve. We are all programmed that way. A man who cannot provide has no long term value to a woman, a woman who cannot procreate has no long term value to a man. Unless these 2 things align for BOTH parties any relationship is short term because even if the feelings are genuine reality will set in.

You are 42 you don’t have any more time to be delusional. Stop wasting your time with a young man who won’t marry you. You are 42, you have no children, soon you will need someone to take care of you. Reality check: At 42 you are the suitor not the suitee. The chances of a 40yr old woman finding a husband is less that 1%. You do t have time to be delusional!!!! Get over yourself!!!

Understand where you are. Your battle now is a battle against loneliness in old age. I know you women don’t listen but don’t say you weren’t told.

MARRY SOMEONE THAT LOVE YOU, NOT SOMEONE THAT YOU LOVE. This was the last words from my late father. PEACE ✌

Follow your own terms and destiny.
Marriage is not a requirement for survival.
Have a job, live and enjoy your life.

Until you have that someone who loves and respect you, until he comes your way (cheating is disrespectful) live your life.

Jeon:
They want 90 % supports from a woman's life but will never try to invest 10 % into her life and still wants her to be submissive to his trash.




Please ignore those saying nonsense to you. They won't be there to share the sorrows in one's marriage.

I can sense that you're still very young Sis...kindly change your mentality about men and marriage...that a man betrayed you doesn't mean others would... despite how bad many of them are...we still have the good ones.



There was a time I shared my story on here in 2021 about how I was betrayed..abused and still shoulder responsibilities to keep my home for close to 10yrs yet nothing was working....I ought to grow a huge resentment towards men but I just couldn't...it got to a point..some big Sis on here tagged me a wife material when my comments never seem hurtful towards same men that betrayed me.


Dear Jeon,. I've been reading many of your comments and the only thing I have for you is......let it go!....let go of those hurtful memories...let go of the bittered heart towards men....give your heart a second chance to love...that one man out of the millions whom will cherish you would someday locate you...and always remember that no human is perfect... we're all working towards perfection...if at 29yrs I'm left alone with two kids to cater for all alone despite all the hurtful past experiences..I don't hate on men...my dear...I believe you can do better.


Let love rule in your life and every other things would follow.


Wishing you all the best in life Sis.



Cheers!

casualobserver:
Let me know the day these imaginary suitors put a ring on your finger. Why would a young guy want to marry a 42 yr old? You didnt think to ask yourself why they don’t want to marry a fertile woman of their age or younger? Why if they truly exist and are truly doing well for themselves, they are selling themselves short by marrying a 42 yr old woman? You clearly are as foolish in your old age as you were in your youth and have learnt nothing. It’s one thing to have bad experiences in life, it’s another to learn nothing from them.

At 42, who wants to take on that responsibility without any upside? ….you are delusional. I am a man I am telling you as it is. If you like continue to deceive yourself, you will come here at 50 and at 60 to write another epistle of how you are “happy” to spend the rest of your life alone.

This church and religion you are carrying on your heads is what is troubling many mature women. Back In the the day you would all have had some respectability as 2nd or 3rd wives. But you have all said 1 man 1 wife so good luck finding husband at 42.


That’s why young men can be deceiving single women of 42 with hopes of marriage.

EDIT: I am not trying to be mean to you, I am just telling you the harsh realities from a man’s point of view. In your write up you mentioned knowingly or unknowingly mentioned the financial status of men in your life because it is important to women. Any man who does not realize that is delusional. So also I am telling you as a man, fertility is the most important value a woman has in a man’s eyes. The less fertile you are the less value you have. These things are pure genetics from the days of Adam and Eve. We are all programmed that way. A man who cannot provide has no long term value to a woman, a woman who cannot procreate has no long term value to a man. Unless these 2 things align for BOTH parties any relationship is short term because even if the feelings are genuine reality will set in.

You are 42 you don’t have any more time to be delusional. Stop wasting your time with a young man who won’t marry you. You are 42, you have no children, soon you will need someone to take care of you. Reality check: At 42 you are the suitor not the suitee. The chances of a 40yr old woman finding a husband is less that 1%. You do t have time to be delusional!!!! Get over yourself!!!

Understand where you are. Your battle now is a battle against loneliness in old age. I know you women don’t listen but don’t say you weren’t told.

I thought In the art of logic and reason
We let other take their decisions provided it is not affecting us
How is her decision affecting
Una go just dey parrot the same things una dey use brainwash women
Marriage is a choice

What I have learnt from this thread is that
Nigerians would rather have you dead than you opting out of the herd mentality
Marriage is a choice
Nigerian men really have nothing going on for them apart from women ,that is why they abuse them ,shame them and kill them
.. A woman must strive to be independent and financially sufficient

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

Na wa oooO!!!

Sorry if i may ask, in both relationship you had, were they sexual?

akpumping7720:
Keep up with the insult. I'm not the first person you've insulted here and I'm very sure I won't be the last. You are doing yourself and not me.

..

PoliteActivist:
Better than being with someone you can barely stand

Something I've learnt recently is that no man or woman marries a perfect partner.

In fact, when you realize that you're not perfect as a person, you'll learn how to give others second, third, fourth and fifth chance.

Even if Jesus had asked this OP out, she would have broken up with him if she caught him talking to another woman.

No second chance, no forgiveness! Please, how do you even want to have a good marriage with such character?

I'm pretty sure all those people she accused of cheating later got married and are still married. So, did they change? Did they stop cheating? Or they happened to find someone who understands that we're all humans who are capable of making mistakes.

I'm 30 and I've not been in a relationship in about 12 years, so I was very well like the OP. I use to lose interest in ladies over little character I don't like, but how long will I keep doing that when I can simply teach a lady the right things to do.

These are things I've learnt recently and putting to practice. So, as long as a man or woman are willing to learn and change, why not give them the opportunity to change? At least give enough chance until they've proven that they've changed.

I hope many younger ladies and guys learn early to avoid cases like this.

Jewessgratitud3

Jewessgratitud3:
Speak for yourself. I have young guys disturbing me for marriage and they are not public dogs like majority who just want to sleep with a woman. These ones are born again Christians doing well for themselves.

Please not every man is a randy goat. Stop thinking every guy is like you.

The very one you were looking down on ? Saying.., he is not your spec.. that you can't go for someone that is your junior in Age. This and that.

Now, you carry them dey make mouth, say, "younger guys that are doing well are disturbing Me for marriage " Dey there, dey deceive and console your self with "I don't look my Age" " people say I look younger than my Age"

Matured minds dey advise you, instead of you to pick one or two, from their write ups. You dey busy dey INSULT people anyhow, tommorow, when them talk of "serious Christian sisters" .. you go raise your hand up.

See, jewessgratitude3, blessedmercy, why I no wan write rudely back to you, be say, I take you like someone I know very well.


No let your yeye PRIDE and FOOLISHNESS Kee you for nothing.

By the way, happy Sunday to you. Enjoy your Sunday.

KyleJason:
Madam Celibacy or Picker,

Keep on with your negative attitude and you'll later realize the hard way that time and tide wait for no woman.

All the sentences about your experience has shown that you have pride and it seems you're already stuck and a prisoner of it.

You're very lucky that all those guys you were able to get close to, were all docile simps... Assuming, you were able to meet an alpha male, your Toto for don tear anyhow.

You cannot find true happiness in a relationship or forced marriage, I repeat, you're loveless.

My candid submission to you right now, in order to get out of this quagmire, is to enroll yourself as a nun in one of these Catholic churches which is certainly your root.

Bst

😁😁😁😁

Port443:
You want men to respect you and your decisions, yet you expect them to provide and give you money? With all these your entitlement mentality? I'm ok with your decisions not to go down with any man until marriage but know that you're not better than babes that did that with their husbands before they got married. In fact, with the way you sound, the sex is your last card and you got nothing after that.

See, the world is too big for any single person. We won't even know that you didn't get married or that you died a virgin. Do whatever you like with your life

But don't come and call guys that are guarding their money from wolves like you stingy, not sure they called you stingy when you were protecting your body

It goes both ways my dear

Also go and check that your ex in lekki, his life didn't stop. He is probably even happier now.

Funny enough, na side woman you go end up as, because you can't be sugar mummy cause you got no money.

Chaii

See Brutality

Newborn27:
I can sense that you're still very young Sis...kindly change your mentality about men and marriage...that a man betrayed you doesn't mean others would... despite how bad many of them are...we still have the good ones.



There was a time I shared my story on here in 2021 about how I was betrayed..abused and still shoulder responsibilities to keep my home for close to 10yrs yet nothing was working....I ought to grow a huge resentment towards men but I just couldn't...it got to a point..some big Sis on here tagged me a wife material when my comments never seem hurtful towards same men that betrayed me.


Dear Jeon,. I've been reading many of your comments and the only thing I have for you is......let it go!....let go of those hurtful memories...let go of the bittered heart towards men....give your heart a second chance to love...that one man out of the millions whom will cherish you would someday locate you...and always remember that no human is perfect... we're all working towards perfection...if at 29yrs I'm left alone with two kids to cater for all alone despite all the hurtful past experiences..I don't hate on men...my dear...I believe you can do better.


Let love rule in your life and every other things would follow.


Wishing you all the best in life Sis.



Cheers!

.. A matured Heart Here. God will remain Your strength.

Everyone with her choice about her life.
And because of experiences like this I refused to welcome any man, lik you said "they are many of them bad ".
So what are the expectations of you having the good one, upon how you said did to the one you once trusted?.

Newborn27:
I can sense that you're still very young Sis...kindly change your mentality about men and marriage...that a man betrayed you doesn't mean others would... despite how bad many of them are...we still have the good ones.



There was a time I shared my story on here in 2021 about how I was betrayed..abused and still shoulder responsibilities to keep my home for close to 10yrs yet nothing was working....I ought to grow a huge resentment towards men but I just couldn't...it got to a point..some big Sis on here tagged me a wife material when my comments never seem hurtful towards same men that betrayed me.


Dear Jeon,. I've been reading many of your comments and the only thing I have for you is......let it go!....let go of those hurtful memories...let go of the bittered heart towards men....give your heart a second chance to love...that one man out of the millions whom will cherish you would someday locate you...and always remember that no human is perfect... we're all working towards perfection...if at 29yrs I'm left alone with two kids to cater for all alone despite all the hurtful past experiences..I don't hate on men...my dear...I believe you can do better.


Let love rule in your life and every other things would follow.


Wishing you all the best in life Sis.



Cheers!

Fiscus105:
TRYING HARDER TO BLAME UR UPBRINGING RATHER THAN YOUR EGOISTIC & PRIDE NATURE.

Long epistle to mislead people and to advocate for immorality as usual. Your failure to marry is totally not because of ur upbringing, I think more of ego and pride.
Infact, you should be grateful to such godly and strict background. Even though u still disobeyed ur parents by having an affair earlier than normal @ 21

Me too was brought up in such way, but it didn't stop me to be happily married for ages. Though I am a man, meanwhile, its even more harder for man with such background than lady, because man will go out to woo while lady waits to be wooed

I know few of my exes still showing attitude that if I'm the one that married them. Which means, my background helped me in dealing with women and not a disadvantage as u presented.

Friend, several factors do contribute to marriage failure, maybe u look the other way round. Perhaps it's spiritual if not pride, GOING BY YOUR PREVIOUS COMMENTS AND POSTS.

What about several girls that are "Free rangers from beginning of their life, in which they don't see husband till they grow old?

Even at 42, (ur October 6 post) see what u still posted about man not be extensively rich before u can give him chance.

If ur story is not fiction, madam u never see anything ma.

What you said about the lady is correct,
She is putting more money first before agreeing to marry a man.
What of if she marries a very rich man and the man lost source of income and bcom poor, the same thing she is afraid will still happen to her.
Instead of her to commit her way and life unto God's hands, she is using her wisdom and permutations

Jewessgratitud3:
no way!

That's not an honest answer.
Def... You have regrets... Or you don't feel any pressure at all?
If you feel pressured then you def have regrets.

... So please answer that question honestly.

I grew up in a similar environment as yours but I guess it's different for men.


I can't imagine a broke single lady @42 being happy.... Naa AAAAA

Jewessgratitud3:
author=Newborn27 post=126658739]Wow!


This is deep!

I don't even know what to say or where to start from... truly you're courageous and strong.


At this point, if it comes fine, if not, fine. I'm not the one to make such plans. If I get what I want, oh.. why not but if not, men e go hard o. Like I said... In this year alone, I've had two suitors. A very responsible guy and a man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, it will be very difficult. These two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage all because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it.



Like I told you before, what tickles every one's fancy is different likewise what bothers them.
You may fancy all the bolded and I may not. What you want out of marriage is different from what I want. So it's not a one size fits all" thingy or compulsory that we all must like to do or have things the same way. That is why you will never see me envy married people or people with children because to me it's really nothing. Now, my Mom married at the age of 10 . Had all of us before 30 but died in her Early 40s. So of what use was her early marriage and child-bearing to her? Fine they use us to remember her but she as person, what did she enjoy in her life for achieving those? Just suffered to raise children that she didn't live to see even one grandchild? Abeg abeg.


Why? That's like saying I regret.. I have saidvit countless times that I've never regretted it for once . Ok let me even pause for a moment and try to remember if I ever wished I did.......... 🤔 🤔 🤔.... Ogbeni nothing like that o. Rather I've always thought that if I had married maybe by now I would have left the marriage cos e for don taya me and that's the truth. In fact.. sometimes I used to silently thank my stars that I'm not married with kids in this economy because I can't endure suffering and hardship with children. Not like Im wishing myself hardship but men in this present economy, everyone is facing it and someone like me can't take the heat with such responsibilities even when shared.
There's a friend of mine that always wish to switch places with me saying I'm enjoying because I don't have anything bothering me and I'll tell her I'm glad I don't have those bukata.



Stigmatization? LoL.. see so far e no affect my pocket, whatever anyone says in that regards does not bother me. it's when you listen or go close to people they'll stigmatize you. I don't keep companies. I'm a loner and it helps a lot to stay away from such. No be if I smile with you you come know wether I don marry or not. I feel free saying it here because no body knows me in person and it all ends here. Of course some people in the past have said some things like your twin is married you're here forming oge, but I didn't give a damn because when I look at their lives im doing far better than them and living life to the fullest. Abi What is life about? No be enjoyment? See it's all in your head o.life no hard reach like that




I love my family. They will never pressure you. My dad before he died would be like, if you do anyhow I'll take my daughter back ( referring to my in-laws.) So all his inlaws are pals with him. They'll be like ogor, oya make we go chill. He will tell you, don't stress them for me o. As for the single ones he'll make sure he provides our needs so we don't look outside. Even as a working class lady, my dad when he collects his pension, he will buy a bag of rice and share to every one of us in our various houses. He was still giving me money till his death in 2012 ( miss you pop). My dad na guy man. Him no send o.

Forget, this life is what you make of it. I try as much as I can to enjoy myself and make every minute of it count

At 42... You don't have the privilege of a choice, am sorry to be this harsh.

TOPMAN4LIFE:
What you said about the lady is correct,
She is putting more money first before agreeing to marry a man.
What of if she marries a very rich man and the man lost source of income and bcom poor, the same thing she is afraid will still happen to her.
Instead of her to commit her way and life unto God's hands, she is using her wisdom and permutations

What even making me angry most is that, she is hiding under born again/christianity to do nonsense. If the story is true and eventually got married, I pity whoever that would end with a boss lady, though thus type of woman usually end up as pure single or single mother.

Wow,you're my mother's agemate and you're still single?,
Well,my mom is a proud mother of a medical student in his 3rd year(That's me ),a potential physiotherapist,a nurse and a boy about to write his jamb next year.
Indeed,Marrying early is a blessing. .

Ibrahimlagosian:
Wow,you're my mother's agemate and you're still single?,
Well,my mom is a proud mother of a medical student in his 3rd year(That's me ),a potential physiotherapist,a nurse and a boy about to write his jamb next year.
Indeed,Marrying early is a blessing. .

That's great. You are blessed. But wait! Are you sure you are not one of the young boys disturbing her for marriage. I was 22 when my mum was 42, a graduate then and I am not even the 1st child.

This lady still has time to correct her wrongs, but pride and arrogance won't let her. I pity whoever will eventually marry her, unless she changes though, but that will require grace.

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

Lol, I only prefer replying posts that soul searching and can help people learn life's experiences.

Your story was a deep one. Didn't make much sense to me though but ofcos one can't claim to see through your eyes as to understand the reason behind your decision.
Anyways if you can live what yourself after all your epistle and won't regret the mistakes you may or may not have made before you got to this position. Then no one has the right to question your decision.
Cheers

Fiscus105:
What even making me angry most is that, she is hiding under born again/christianity to do nonsense. If the story is true and eventually got married, I pity whoever that would end with a boss lady, though thus type of woman usually end up as pure single or single mother.

Her major problem is that she doesn't want to agree she has faults too and she is not 100% perfect like men she is finding faults with,
From her stories, if she eventually marries, she won't stay in the marriage because marriage and relationship with others is for two people that are ready to be fair and forgive each other when they make mistake