| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by RealNiggaDee(m): 2:26pm On Jan 22 |
NastiLord:
Bro everything that happened to you here is exactly the same thing that happened to me except that she left with my 2 yrs old daughter whom i love so much. I haven't fully recovered yet but I'll pull. how are you certain the 2 years old daughter you loved so much was yours ? 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by richie240: 2:26pm On Jan 22 |
Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all. U2! This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.
Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south. Let's not lie to ourselves, it was because of beauty and sex that u married her. If the grey matter in-between her ears had really mattered to u, u would've seen d red flags and most prolly have not married her. It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man. Eve cheated on Adam with the serpent, take heart! Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken. Whether the children are with u, her, her/your grandparents etc is irrelevant, it's ur obligation to pay their school fees/upkeep so long as they are still bearing ur surname and have ur DNA. How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof. That one nor be issue at all. Did you ask d children to come and spend quality time with you and they/their mother refused?? No? It's better you let them be spending time with you no matter how small so that they can get to know the real you, or else their mother WILL poison their minds against you. and I'm speaking from first hand experience Even if it's only on weekends, or during d holidays, let them spend time with you so they can get to know you. For over 21 years I and my sibling were made to realise that our father was a demon. (They sperated when I was 4 yrs old) . Not until she began to show us 'renewed shege' did we get to get a feel of what our dad was passed through in her hands. He had his own issues o, but she sef nor try. To show u d extent of shege she showed me, I almosed proposed to a lady who met my specs; one day I just said let me peruse this lady's facebook page, and behold, they share the same middle name. Na so I pack everything up- no more marriage proposal. That's to show u d level of trauma I suffered in her hands. How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.
Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.
Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track. Even if you buy them d whole world but they don't get to know u/feel ur presence, they may still grow up to detest you. Again, i'm speaking from experience.  1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Orlu13: 2:30pm On Jan 22 |
BloomingDale:
You want your wife to dey manage just your weak akamu when better jollof, egusi, edikankong with better meat, brokoto etc dey outside? You must be a very wicked and selfish man. Una like to sample different dishes but want women to just manage una unpalatable akamu. The devil is a liar. mumu...u will learn in a hard way....u guys can try everything to be like a man but a man is a man...I can cheat on my wife if I want to but if she tries d same, I will send her home...she can be testing other dishes but not in my house okay....It's my world and I will run it d way I want to 11 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by dharamanil(m): 2:35pm On Jan 22 |
[quote author=Afodot0022 post=128065540]Thanks for your words Poco, your comment is embedded with knowledge and wisdom. True there is no perfect marriage out there but attimes taking a break is just necessary. Cheating from her was even the least of what she does, for me to back out, have already out way the negative and positive and realize leaving will be more advantageous to me.she is not supportive, she is disrespectful, she belittle me to every tom dick and harry, she doesn't cover her family affairs but rather expose to the public, she is more loyal to her family than her own immediate family,to crown it up, she added infidelity to it, this is just too much to take from a woman as a man, even though there is no perfect person,some people are more better than the others. The reason why I don't get bothered about this new babe am with now despite discovering some trait in her, I don't see myself getting into marriage again cos I don't see any advantage marriage is to a man except just responsibility and bills. Anyways thanks Poco.
I don't understand the wisdom the wisdom in all the long epistle she wrote.
Her first comment was she would change and retire with you later. So the poco is advising to stay despite the cheating so as to wait until she is tired ?
Second my brother. Nothing is easy if you can take your kids from her, but if you can't make sure the kids are alright minus there mother. Make sure the kids are aiit minus there mother. That woman can kill you if you were very wealthy. And please fighting for marriage is within small small quarrel no be to dey beg ashawo 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Toosure70: 2:37pm On Jan 22 |
Neighbours wife or olosho now 1 Like |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Caliph97: 2:39pm On Jan 22 |
U dey mind dah one?...too many people no get sense for this life,its too sad!! Make woman wey ah pay her bride price dey cheat,u con dey temme make i dey endure Onikure!! DMerciful:
Seriously? Endure infidelity from a woman? 5 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by advanceDNA: 2:39pm On Jan 22 |
PrinceofSarcasm:
How can Nairaland give anyone PTSD? That right there is a sign of some deeper underlying issues.
If total strangers on a forum can give you PTSD. .I guess that could happen when u come to nairaland hoping to get ur àss licked and worshipped because u have the F moniker, but redpill and a little bit of testosterone aggression messed up ur party.. Yeah...I guess it made some of them switch to a supposed pink pill mode...action and reaction, I guess...as a form of "we can attack you too"  2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Rejouir: 2:41pm On Jan 22 |
pocohantas:
1) No marriage is perfect. [/b]She cannot be like that forever. She would definitely get tired and retire with you[b]. Even this your new babe, shebi she is talking to other men on phone and borderline stingy. Have you left her? The next woman might be worse, so where are you men running to?
2) The logical and unemotional thing to do is to take care of the kids. Last time I checked, men are logical and unemotional, so it shouldn't be hard separating your emotions from this whole situation.
3) You are not being stopped from cooparenting. If she leaves the kids with you, you would still be pained that she is living her life while you are nurturing the kids. None would be easy for you. Pick one side and run with it for the sake of the kids.
4) There are only two things involved, you give money or you don't give. Either way, the kids would be fine. In fact, she might even be waiting for you to default, so that she can have something to use against you.
If I were you, I would keep giving with evidence. I don't mind to create a folder for it on Google Drive. Call them when you can and have them come over. They would grow to know how they want to handle the triangle. An advise from the pit of hell. 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Rejouir: 2:42pm On Jan 22 |
BondRiv:
With the infidelity, how are you sure the kids are yours? Have you done a DNA test? There have been several reports but I remember one (statistics) about how promiscuous the women in this country are. Very alarming. Good question. |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by FireUpNow(m): 2:43pm On Jan 22 |
This one to married and divorced crews. 🏃🏃🏃 |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Rejouir: 2:46pm On Jan 22 |
GlobeTrotter2:
she will get tired and retire with you... Can you even hear yourself Your papa!!!!!
Sorry to say, this right here is the reason I will always advice Nigerian men if you can, pls marry from another country.
Honestly 😁😁, i swear i would have insulted her as well, but as a civilized human being, i just had to respect myself. You can imagine, A man enduring a cheating wife, who he provides for, clothes, feeds. Secure her, make her happy, the best way he can. Wahala o! 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by BloomingDale(f): 2:48pm On Jan 22 |
Orlu13:
mumu...u will learn in a hard way....u guys can try everything to be like a man but a man is a man... I can cheat on my wife if I want to but if she tries d same, I will send her home... she can be testing other dishes but not in my house okay....It's my world and I will run it d way I want to lol. All these small pikins sef. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Realmrsean: 2:49pm On Jan 22 |
pocohantas:
Your ex-wife is taking care of the kids while you are busy trying to disvirgin your new girlfriend, yet you are still pained?
Why are the kids with her 247?
Did she stop you from coparenting?
If women can cook, submit and stay with cheating husbands for the sake of their kids. I don't see why this lesser scenario is hard for men to do. For a gender that doesn't benefit from marriage, this is an ideal arrangement if you ask me.
Focus on the kids. so if it's your brother or son, you will advise him to take back a cheating wife? 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Orlu13: 2:52pm On Jan 22 |
2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Caliph97: 2:52pm On Jan 22 |
Body go tell u one day,continue! For ur mind u don make sense like that?...olofo nla! BloomingDale:
You want your wife to dey manage just your weak akamu when better jollof, egusi, edikankong with better meat, brokoto etc dey outside? You must be a very wicked and selfish man. Una like to sample different dishes but want women to just manage una unpalatable akamu. The devil is a liar. 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Lukuluku69(m): 2:54pm On Jan 22 |
Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.
This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.
Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.
It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.
Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.
How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.
How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.
Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.
Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track. I know it is difficult but if you can take Custody of your kids, please do. As for coping and all that, find support system in your Friends, start a new relationship. It is called moving on. Cheers. |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Kinzo0917(m): 2:56pm On Jan 22 |
Oil dey your head I took time to read all you wrote despite it been long May God increase you in wisdom sir 10thTenthMan:
Perform your duty. That is my advice.
A cheating spouse is a possibility in ANY Relationship. If you like let Pastor Adeboye choose for you. It won’t mean shit!!!! I say it with my full chest.
As a human and especially as a man, know this possibility and know peace, that a Cheating Spouse is a possible outcome! Whether you trust your partner or not, people will do whatever they like to do. First rule of human interaction, TRUST NO ONE! Second Rule, you can never know anyone completely. It is impossible. Don’t deceive yourself.
There are Foolish people who regurgitate hair saloon and beer parlour talk and spew over repeated trash like “if you trust him or her she won’t cheat”. It makes me laugh at how dense humans can be and how simple they see human relationships and interactions.
No Oga/Madam, trust is bullshit! It won’t stop her black, red, white or purple panties from being pulled down or pulled aside. Neither will trust stop his manhood from entering the mouth of the woman he is cheating with who is hell bent on giving the experience of a life time. TRUST IS A MINDSET YOU NECESSARILY HAVE TO DEVELOP FOR YOUR OWN PEACE OF MIND! Trust isn’t to prevent cheating and Trust doesn’t stop cheating!!! Trust is for your own effing peace, so you don’t kill your self with worry and heart ache and suspicion, snooping around and bothering if a guy is not currently bending her over and thrusting wickedly into her or if a lady is not wickedly and intentionally riding on top of him bouncing up and down like a possessed demon to ensure he keeps coming back. Other people say let God choose for you. Please note there is that God doesn’t choose shit. And there are marriages dying today and couples suffering because one hungry so called Pastor did a match from Hell! What is keeping many marriages in Nigeria today is that the marriage is the meal ticket for most women; societal shame and stigma of divorce; personal ideology of seeing divorce as a form of failure or not fighting for what is yours; finally the fear that the kids might suffer.
NOW TO ALL DIVORCED MEN, especially those who experienced horrible things from their spouses BUT STILL HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT and take care of the kids with a cheating ungrateful ex, I say:
1. Verify the Kids are Yours. Do 3 DNA Tests if possible at 3 different places. Do secret Peace of Mind (POM) tests if possible. All Men MUST MAKE IT A POINT OF DUTY TO DO POM Tests on ALL THIER KIDS even if you married the Virgin Mary Herself and it took you eternity to disvirgin and penetrate her on your wedding night! Forget story. Do your POM Test on ALL Kids.
2. Man up and Do your duty! Fatherhood and manhood is about DUTY! Do your duty and don’t expect praise. Do your duty. That is what makes you a dad. You have made a bad choice. No wahala. Your bad! No wahala. But for the kids. DO YOUR DUTY. Fatherhood, similar to manhood is about DUTY! Protect, Provide, Comfort, Love, Support, Set Perfect Example, Be a responsible member of the society and Increase the Family’s power, influence and wealth.
3. Ensure she is using the funds for the kids and try to be in their lives. Ensure you have time to be present for the kids. If she does not, allow you to, make secret video recordings (spy pens, spy glasses, spy tie clips, etc) of your attempt at visiting the kids and her attempts to stop you. Keep these as evidence.
4. Keep ALL records of what you give. What you pay. Time you spend and make out to be with the kids. Etc. Keep ALL Records. Keep everything down to receipts of toys you buy.
5. Lastly and finally,once again, DO YOUR DUTY TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITIES AS A MAN! Try your best and do your duty as a man and a father. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by BloomingDale(f): 2:58pm On Jan 22 |
Orlu13:
keep crying Cry say your wife dey sample different pricks without your knowledge? Oga, sample na sample whether you know or no know. |
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| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by tunjiajayi: 3:00pm On Jan 22 |
EreluRoz:
Caring for your kids has nothing to do with your ex wife, it is your responsibility after all those kids didn't ask you to bring them to the world by force. Couples should learn to leave the kids out of their mess and failure. Are you a transgender or you are just basically a busy body. The op directed the discussion to men. Divorced or separated. Have you been divorced or separated before even as a woman. If not just use your head and pass. Gbeborun 5 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Rubyjade: 3:01pm On Jan 22 |
Coming from an Ashawao General poweredcom:
Forget marriage wit nigerian women ita a waste to men 1 Like |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by PrinceofSarcasm: 3:01pm On Jan 22 |
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| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by peanutbutterr: 3:08pm On Jan 22 |
at afodot0022
let me give you one piece of advice, be actively, i mean very actively involve in your children lives.
once Dated a girl from a broken home, according to how her mum brainwashed her, shsaid “ her dad was so wicked to have left her and her mum less than a year after her birth.
This same man she speaks bad of financed her through university, nothing good comes out of her mouth when she speaks of her dad. luckily her mum remarried. stepdad has been trying to have a piece of her since teenage years but failed, yet she sees him as her fatherly figure.
op these would probably be your case if you don’t win the custody of you kids. have them spend christmas at your place, take them on expensive vacations, they should know their root, lastly don’t leave your children for another man to train. 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by peanutbutterr: 3:08pm On Jan 22 |
.. |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by peanutbutterr: 3:12pm On Jan 22 |
pocohantes cheating dey your bloodd, what d hell are you trying to justify with the statement “she will get tired and retire back to you, would you give your brother the same advise if he’s married to woman that cheats? |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by YorubaRonu01: 3:12pm On Jan 22 |
pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted. Endure and live with the infidelity so the marriage can last Tueh! 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by sexyto(m): 3:16pm On Jan 22 |
10thTenthMan:
Perform your duty. That is my advice.
A cheating spouse is a possibility in ANY Relationship. If you like let Pastor Adeboye choose for you. It won’t mean shit!!!! I say it with my full chest.
As a human and especially as a man, know this possibility and know peace, that a Cheating Spouse is a possible outcome! Whether you trust your partner or not, people will do whatever they like to do. First rule of human interaction, TRUST NO ONE! Second Rule, you can never know anyone completely. It is impossible. Don’t deceive yourself.
There are Foolish people who regurgitate hair saloon and beer parlour talk and spew over repeated trash like “if you trust him or her she won’t cheat”. It makes me laugh at how dense humans can be and how simple they see human relationships and interactions.
No Oga/Madam, trust is bullshit! It won’t stop her black, red, white or purple panties from being pulled down or pulled aside. Neither will trust stop his manhood from entering the mouth of the woman he is cheating with who is hell bent on giving the experience of a life time. TRUST IS A MINDSET YOU NECESSARILY HAVE TO DEVELOP FOR YOUR OWN PEACE OF MIND! Trust isn’t to prevent cheating and Trust doesn’t stop cheating!!! Trust is for your own effing peace, so you don’t kill your self with worry and heart ache and suspicion, snooping around and bothering if a guy is not currently bending her over and thrusting wickedly into her or if a lady is not wickedly and intentionally riding on top of him bouncing up and down like a possessed demon to ensure he keeps coming back. Other people say let God choose for you. Please note there is that God doesn’t choose shit. And there are marriages dying today and couples suffering because one hungry so called Pastor did a match from Hell! What is keeping many marriages in Nigeria today is that the marriage is the meal ticket for most women; societal shame and stigma of divorce; personal ideology of seeing divorce as a form of failure or not fighting for what is yours; finally the fear that the kids might suffer.
NOW TO ALL DIVORCED MEN, especially those who experienced horrible things from their spouses BUT STILL HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT and take care of the kids with a cheating ungrateful ex, I say:
1. Verify the Kids are Yours. Do 3 DNA Tests if possible at 3 different places. Do secret Peace of Mind (POM) tests if possible. All Men MUST MAKE IT A POINT OF DUTY TO DO POM Tests on ALL THIER KIDS even if you married the Virgin Mary Herself and it took you eternity to disvirgin and penetrate her on your wedding night! Forget story. Do your POM Test on ALL Kids.
2. Man up and Do your duty! Fatherhood and manhood is about DUTY! Do your duty and don’t expect praise. Do your duty. That is what makes you a dad. You have made a bad choice. No wahala. Your bad! No wahala. But for the kids. DO YOUR DUTY. Fatherhood, similar to manhood is about DUTY! Protect, Provide, Comfort, Love, Support, Set Perfect Example, Be a responsible member of the society and Increase the Family’s power, influence and wealth.
3. Ensure she is using the funds for the kids and try to be in their lives. Ensure you have time to be present for the kids. If she does not, allow you to, make secret video recordings (spy pens, spy glasses, spy tie clips, etc) of your attempt at visiting the kids and her attempts to stop you. Keep these as evidence.
4. Keep ALL records of what you give. What you pay. Time you spend and make out to be with the kids. Etc. Keep ALL Records. Keep everything down to receipts of toys you buy.
5. Lastly and finally,once again, DO YOUR DUTY TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITIES AS A MAN! Try your best and do your duty as a man and a father. OP, this brother has said it all. Just provide for the children if DNA confirms they are yours and move on. Life is too dear for hurt and anger to eat you up. Life happens to some people are. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by richie240: 3:17pm On Jan 22 |
E get things wey person fit endure, olosho lbusiness nor follow join. Unfortunately, rational thinking is not a forte of most women. The only time a woman reasons rationally in cases like this is when the issue at hand affects her sons/brothers, or else, it's "go gurl!" "go on queen", "we got your back baby gurl!" Will you tell your son to "endure" an olosho wife?? No?? Then u are an example of what I'm saying. pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted. 3 Likes |
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| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Dexy4yah(m): 3:18pm On Jan 22 |
pocohantas:
1) No marriage is perfect. She cannot be like that forever. She would definitely get tired and retire with you. Even this your new babe, shebi she is talking to other men on phone and borderline stingy. Have you left her? The next woman might be worse, so where are you men running to?
2) The logical and unemotional thing to do is to take care of the kids. Last time I checked, men are logical and unemotional, so it shouldn't be hard separating your emotions from this whole situation.
3) You are not being stopped from cooparenting. If she leaves the kids with you, you would still be pained that she is living her life while you are nurturing the kids. None would be easy for you. Pick one side and run with it for the sake of the kids.
4) There are only two things involved, you give money or you don't give. Either way, the kids would be fine. In fact, she might even be waiting for you to default, so that she can have something to use against you.
If I were you, I would keep giving with evidence. I don't mind to create a folder for it on Google Drive. Call them when you can and have them come over. They would grow to know how they want to handle the triangle. 1) No marriage is perfect. She cannot be like that forever. She would definitely get tired and retire with youSo he should stay put and endure her cheating until she gets tired? Really? You're really funny 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Rollitout: 3:18pm On Jan 22 |
If you are able to visit your kids at anytime, It is good and I think you should continue to support your kids but In a situation hereby she is not allowing you to visit your kids or no free access to your kids at the time you want then it is advisable to discontinue the support. Let her struggle for the children's upkeep.
4 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by obotematics: 3:23pm On Jan 22 |
For a couple of us
The separated ones, stay strong.do your very best. Pay the bills! Even when IT ain't suitable.
Old age will come,the defaulting partner especially the cheating female spouse will be of no societal value. Society doesn't respect divorced women.in my opinion pay the bills stay healthy and active and keep investment for the children could be landed property,stocks and bonds above all give them children best of quality education.
Future will tell! |
