₦airaland Forum

NastiLord:
Bro everything that happened to you here is exactly the same thing that happened to me except that she left with my 2 yrs old daughter whom i love so much. I haven't fully recovered yet but I'll pull.

Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.

Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.

It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.

Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.

How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.

Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

BloomingDale:
You want your wife to dey manage just your weak akamu when better jollof, egusi, edikankong with better meat, brokoto etc dey outside? You must be a very wicked and selfish man. Una like to sample different dishes but want women to just manage una unpalatable akamu. The devil is a liar.

DMerciful:
Seriously? Endure infidelity from a woman?

PrinceofSarcasm:
How can Nairaland give anyone PTSD? That right there is a sign of some deeper underlying issues.
If total strangers on a forum can give you PTSD.

pocohantas:
1) No marriage is perfect. [/b]She cannot be like that forever. She would definitely get tired and retire with you[b]. Even this your new babe, shebi she is talking to other men on phone and borderline stingy. Have you left her? The next woman might be worse, so where are you men running to?

2) The logical and unemotional thing to do is to take care of the kids. Last time I checked, men are logical and unemotional, so it shouldn't be hard separating your emotions from this whole situation.

3) You are not being stopped from cooparenting. If she leaves the kids with you, you would still be pained that she is living her life while you are nurturing the kids. None would be easy for you. Pick one side and run with it for the sake of the kids.

4) There are only two things involved, you give money or you don't give. Either way, the kids would be fine. In fact, she might even be waiting for you to default, so that she can have something to use against you.

If I were you, I would keep giving with evidence. I don't mind to create a folder for it on Google Drive. Call them when you can and have them come over. They would grow to know how they want to handle the triangle.

BondRiv:
With the infidelity, how are you sure the kids are yours? Have you done a DNA test? There have been several reports but I remember one (statistics) about how promiscuous the women in this country are. Very alarming.

GlobeTrotter2:
she will get tired and retire with you... Can you even hear yourself Your papa!!!!!


Sorry to say, this right here is the reason I will always advice Nigerian men if you can, pls marry from another country.

Orlu13:
mumu...u will learn in a hard way....u guys can try everything to be like a man but a man is a man... I can cheat on my wife if I want to but if she tries d same, I will send her home... she can be testing other dishes but not in my house okay....It's my world and I will run it d way I want to

pocohantas:
Your ex-wife is taking care of the kids while you are busy trying to disvirgin your new girlfriend, yet you are still pained?

Why are the kids with her 247?
Did she stop you from coparenting?

If women can cook, submit and stay with cheating husbands for the sake of their kids. I don't see why this lesser scenario is hard for men to do. For a gender that doesn't benefit from marriage, this is an ideal arrangement if you ask me.

Focus on the kids.

BloomingDale:
lol. All these small pikins sef.

BloomingDale:
You want your wife to dey manage just your weak akamu when better jollof, egusi, edikankong with better meat, brokoto etc dey outside? You must be a very wicked and selfish man. Una like to sample different dishes but want women to just manage una unpalatable akamu. The devil is a liar.

Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.

Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.

It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.

Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.

How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.

Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

10thTenthMan:
Perform your duty. That is my advice.

A cheating spouse is a possibility in ANY Relationship. If you like let Pastor Adeboye choose for you. It won’t mean shit!!!! I say it with my full chest.

As a human and especially as a man, know this possibility and know peace, that a Cheating Spouse is a possible outcome! Whether you trust your partner or not, people will do whatever they like to do. First rule of human interaction, TRUST NO ONE! Second Rule, you can never know anyone completely. It is impossible. Don’t deceive yourself.

There are Foolish people who regurgitate hair saloon and beer parlour talk and spew over repeated trash like “if you trust him or her she won’t cheat”. It makes me laugh at how dense humans can be and how simple they see human relationships and interactions.

No Oga/Madam, trust is bullshit! It won’t stop her black, red, white or purple panties from being pulled down or pulled aside. Neither will trust stop his manhood from entering the mouth of the woman he is cheating with who is hell bent on giving the experience of a life time. TRUST IS A MINDSET YOU NECESSARILY HAVE TO DEVELOP FOR YOUR OWN PEACE OF MIND! Trust isn’t to prevent cheating and Trust doesn’t stop cheating!!! Trust is for your own effing peace, so you don’t kill your self with worry and heart ache and suspicion, snooping around and bothering if a guy is not currently bending her over and thrusting wickedly into her or if a lady is not wickedly and intentionally riding on top of him bouncing up and down like a possessed demon to ensure he keeps coming back. Other people say let God choose for you. Please note there is that God doesn’t choose shit. And there are marriages dying today and couples suffering because one hungry so called Pastor did a match from Hell! What is keeping many marriages in Nigeria today is that the marriage is the meal ticket for most women; societal shame and stigma of divorce; personal ideology of seeing divorce as a form of failure or not fighting for what is yours; finally the fear that the kids might suffer.

NOW TO ALL DIVORCED MEN, especially those who experienced horrible things from their spouses BUT STILL HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT and take care of the kids with a cheating ungrateful ex, I say:

1. Verify the Kids are Yours. Do 3 DNA Tests if possible at 3 different places. Do secret Peace of Mind (POM) tests if possible. All Men MUST MAKE IT A POINT OF DUTY TO DO POM Tests on ALL THIER KIDS even if you married the Virgin Mary Herself and it took you eternity to disvirgin and penetrate her on your wedding night! Forget story. Do your POM Test on ALL Kids.

2. Man up and Do your duty! Fatherhood and manhood is about DUTY! Do your duty and don’t expect praise. Do your duty. That is what makes you a dad. You have made a bad choice. No wahala. Your bad! No wahala. But for the kids. DO YOUR DUTY. Fatherhood, similar to manhood is about DUTY! Protect, Provide, Comfort, Love, Support, Set Perfect Example, Be a responsible member of the society and Increase the Family’s power, influence and wealth.

3. Ensure she is using the funds for the kids and try to be in their lives. Ensure you have time to be present for the kids. If she does not, allow you to, make secret video recordings (spy pens, spy glasses, spy tie clips, etc) of your attempt at visiting the kids and her attempts to stop you. Keep these as evidence.

4. Keep ALL records of what you give. What you pay. Time you spend and make out to be with the kids. Etc. Keep ALL Records. Keep everything down to receipts of toys you buy.

5. Lastly and finally,once again, DO YOUR DUTY TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITIES AS A MAN! Try your best and do your duty as a man and a father.

Orlu13:


keep crying

EreluRoz:
Caring for your kids has nothing to do with your ex wife, it is your responsibility after all those kids didn't ask you to bring them to the world by force. Couples should learn to leave the kids out of their mess and failure.

poweredcom:
Forget marriage wit nigerian women ita a waste to men

advanceDNA:
.I guess that could happen when u come to nairaland hoping to get ur àss licked and worshipped because u have the F moniker, but redpill and a little bit of testosterone aggression messed up ur party..


Yeah...I guess it made some of them switch to a supposed pink pill mode...action and reaction, I guess...as a form of "we can attack you too"

pocohantes cheating dey your bloodd, what d hell are you trying to justify with the statement “she will get tired and retire back to you, would you give your brother the same advise if he’s married to woman that cheats?

pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

10thTenthMan:
Perform your duty. That is my advice.

A cheating spouse is a possibility in ANY Relationship. If you like let Pastor Adeboye choose for you. It won’t mean shit!!!! I say it with my full chest.

As a human and especially as a man, know this possibility and know peace, that a Cheating Spouse is a possible outcome! Whether you trust your partner or not, people will do whatever they like to do. First rule of human interaction, TRUST NO ONE! Second Rule, you can never know anyone completely. It is impossible. Don’t deceive yourself.

There are Foolish people who regurgitate hair saloon and beer parlour talk and spew over repeated trash like “if you trust him or her she won’t cheat”. It makes me laugh at how dense humans can be and how simple they see human relationships and interactions.

No Oga/Madam, trust is bullshit! It won’t stop her black, red, white or purple panties from being pulled down or pulled aside. Neither will trust stop his manhood from entering the mouth of the woman he is cheating with who is hell bent on giving the experience of a life time. TRUST IS A MINDSET YOU NECESSARILY HAVE TO DEVELOP FOR YOUR OWN PEACE OF MIND! Trust isn’t to prevent cheating and Trust doesn’t stop cheating!!! Trust is for your own effing peace, so you don’t kill your self with worry and heart ache and suspicion, snooping around and bothering if a guy is not currently bending her over and thrusting wickedly into her or if a lady is not wickedly and intentionally riding on top of him bouncing up and down like a possessed demon to ensure he keeps coming back. Other people say let God choose for you. Please note there is that God doesn’t choose shit. And there are marriages dying today and couples suffering because one hungry so called Pastor did a match from Hell! What is keeping many marriages in Nigeria today is that the marriage is the meal ticket for most women; societal shame and stigma of divorce; personal ideology of seeing divorce as a form of failure or not fighting for what is yours; finally the fear that the kids might suffer.

NOW TO ALL DIVORCED MEN, especially those who experienced horrible things from their spouses BUT STILL HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT and take care of the kids with a cheating ungrateful ex, I say:

1. Verify the Kids are Yours. Do 3 DNA Tests if possible at 3 different places. Do secret Peace of Mind (POM) tests if possible. All Men MUST MAKE IT A POINT OF DUTY TO DO POM Tests on ALL THIER KIDS even if you married the Virgin Mary Herself and it took you eternity to disvirgin and penetrate her on your wedding night! Forget story. Do your POM Test on ALL Kids.

2. Man up and Do your duty! Fatherhood and manhood is about DUTY! Do your duty and don’t expect praise. Do your duty. That is what makes you a dad. You have made a bad choice. No wahala. Your bad! No wahala. But for the kids. DO YOUR DUTY. Fatherhood, similar to manhood is about DUTY! Protect, Provide, Comfort, Love, Support, Set Perfect Example, Be a responsible member of the society and Increase the Family’s power, influence and wealth.

3. Ensure she is using the funds for the kids and try to be in their lives. Ensure you have time to be present for the kids. If she does not, allow you to, make secret video recordings (spy pens, spy glasses, spy tie clips, etc) of your attempt at visiting the kids and her attempts to stop you. Keep these as evidence.

4. Keep ALL records of what you give. What you pay. Time you spend and make out to be with the kids. Etc. Keep ALL Records. Keep everything down to receipts of toys you buy.

5. Lastly and finally,once again, DO YOUR DUTY TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITIES AS A MAN! Try your best and do your duty as a man and a father.

pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

pocohantas:
1) No marriage is perfect. She cannot be like that forever. She would definitely get tired and retire with you. Even this your new babe, shebi she is talking to other men on phone and borderline stingy. Have you left her? The next woman might be worse, so where are you men running to?

2) The logical and unemotional thing to do is to take care of the kids. Last time I checked, men are logical and unemotional, so it shouldn't be hard separating your emotions from this whole situation.

3) You are not being stopped from cooparenting. If she leaves the kids with you, you would still be pained that she is living her life while you are nurturing the kids. None would be easy for you. Pick one side and run with it for the sake of the kids.

4) There are only two things involved, you give money or you don't give. Either way, the kids would be fine. In fact, she might even be waiting for you to default, so that she can have something to use against you.

If I were you, I would keep giving with evidence. I don't mind to create a folder for it on Google Drive. Call them when you can and have them come over. They would grow to know how they want to handle the triangle.