You're soft on her. Show her who's boss and lay down the law. A good spanking never hurt anyone

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much, we are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible , she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home she comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet. I am on my way to work I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys , we had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse , she is behaving like she's possessed. My wife and I are fed up even her siblings are tired of her we want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones , if we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities. Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

She is your daughter, I will advice that any decision you're taking should be based on Love. Do it because you genuinely love her and want her to become a better person in future.I'll further recommend one of the best boarding secondary here in Nigeria CHOKMAH int Academy, Why I am recommending this school is because it doesn't only inculcate Academy excellence but also imparts the child behavior positively. I can help you make inquiries on admission process for free. All the best Sir.

Zupay:
You can't send her back to Nigeria, a girl for that matter. What excuse do you have to give to the management of the school she attends for withdrawing her? See you, see wahala.

I have a Ghanaian co-worker who told me he wanted to send her daughter who is 12 years old back to Ghana to finish secondary school and the daughter warned him if he should try making arrangements, she would inform her teacher, get social workers involved and if he forcefully wants to fly with her to Ghana, he would be arrested at the airport as her name will be on the immigration 's no fly list.

Choi
Wahala lol

zumbigbo:



All this yarn. Send her home, to a rural school. Case closed

Na yarn abi, send the pikin go rural school, make we how social workers go allow you live comfortably, e sure me die say dem go first suspend you from work, begin interrogating your wife and other children, pray make ur wife no go fold and tell dem say she no agree with you take una pikin go village but you insisted, u and dat your wife and other children no go live inside the same house again because social workers go tag you a danger to your family.....u think say na 9ja u dey?

Kaido:

It is better for kids to finish high school here, before sending them abroad.

There are still good boarding schools. I think it is a good decision you about making.

Are you a parent?

Ishilove:

So the child will now dictate to the parents how she should be raised? Just imagine the guts on that little kid. That's what you get in a system that mollycoddles bad behaviour.

That is why the OP is in a fix. If he sends the daughter back to Nigeria, e go explain tire to the authorities and they must do video call with the girl where she is in Nigeria and interview her and we know she would say anything to find herself back in that Country and when she returns, she will longer live with her family anymore and OP knows he is at risk of losing his other children.

My wife works in social care and always says UK govt agencies usually raises eyebrow when a female teenager leaves the UK on holiday and don't return. 2 possibilities usually come to their mind, it is either the girl has been married off or taken to be circumcised and the schools drill these into the heads of their children, emails and phone numbers they can use if they find themselves taken out of the UK and left behind in their home country against their wish.

Houseontherock1:

That is the age they usually act up...she needs you, unfortunately you are not there and her biological mother is not there! She needs love which her step mum may not be able or willing to give her! If you can't change your work schedule to parent her at this stage of her life, talk to her, do whatever you need to do but don't send her back to Nigerian boarding school or to live with a relative. Send her to Nigeria if you or her biological mum have parents who are firm and can correct her; grandparents that she loves and cares about because she'll respect them out of love and not fear. She can go to school from home...someone can be in the car with her for the trips to and from school. Other relatives will milk you dry and she'll not be well taken care of; boarding schools are dangerous for the physical and mental health of children -even the so-called faith based schools...

Beet advise so far!!! bros OP SEE ADVISE HERE

[quote author=Zupay post=128617744]

That is why the OP is in a fix. If he sends the daughter back to Nigeria, e go explain tire to the authorities and they must do video call with the girl where she is in Nigeria and interview her and we know she would say anything to find herself back in that Country and when she returns, she will longer live with her family anymore and OP knows he is at risk of losing his other children.

My wife works in social care and always says UK govt agencies usually raises eyebrow when a female teenager leaves the UK on holiday and don't return. 2 possibilities usually come to their mind, it is either the girl has been married off or taken to be circumcised and the schools drill these into the heads of their children, emails and phone numbers they can use if they find themselves taken out of the UK and left behind in their home country against their wish.

I have learnt something here I would never send my children to schools abroad at an early age they must be grown at least done with sec sch before they go

SIXFEETUNDER:


You're soft on her. Show her who's boss and lay down the law. A good spanking never hurt anyone

Oga think before you comment. OP isn't in Nigeria. That's why his hands are tied

gaby:
WAHALA PROMAX.

My coworker Fola brought her two daughters over. The eldest got grown into the system and turned a rebel. She'd go as far as inviting her mom to step outside with her for a boxing match and even go as far as threatening to call the cops.

Fola jeje play her come dump her for Nigeria.

As I type, the youngest, Fari, is now a teenager and is beginning to best her elder sister's record. Fola don tire and confuse. Na shayo she take dey hold herself right now.

She has a good share of the blame in all though from what I've noticed. Pikin wey wan dey uncontrollable go dey uncontrollable home or away. Values and norms from within the homestead is the koko.

Very tricky and dicey situation.

please let's leave out that part of pikin wey wan dey controllable,if the foundation of upbringing is bad the result is waywardness.

phorget:
Dont just send her to Nigeria but send her to a village where she will have to go to the farm,fetch water from the stream, cook with firewood, feel the bite of mosquitoes and tsetsefly, attend village schools and then learn your local language and culture. By the time she is done experiencing all these then she will become a changed person and beg you to come to her rescue.

This will work 💯

Op! Sit her down and talk to her, she's Ur daughter for God's sake, dare not bring her to this country ,bringing her here know u lost a daughter,so many of her kind are here I can tell u they get worse ,destroyed themselves with the use of drugs .
Get a therapist or counsellor that can unravel her inner mind.She needs love and care most,your job may not allow u that but the little time u got try bond with her and the rest of your kids.
Your case can't be so worse, there are milion of families facing same , so deal with URS.
Let her stepmother allow her space space till u able to calm the situation,u will need to put her as a priority project,dont let this get over heads ,time will heal situation quicker of we apply the right decisions .
I MUST SAY AGAIN, DON'T SEND HER HOME.

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much, we are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible , she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home she comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet. I am on my way to work I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys , we had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse , she is behaving like she's possessed. My wife and I are fed up even her siblings are tired of her we want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones , if we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities. Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Deceive her that you are going for a visit to Nigeria, may be for a wedding or any other function and once you arrive naija, you let her know that she won't be going back with you for now. This is what I did to my son and brought him from Spain to Africa. He was 14 then and was becoming a problem to us and everybody, but we strategized a means, telling he'll be coming to Africa for a wedding, we only let him know he wasn't going back to Spain after 2 weeks of his arrival. Right now, he is in boarding school in Owerri, and the information I get about him from my people he stays with whenever he is on vacation, is that his behavior has changed a lot.

brain54:
All these people saying...

Send her back to Nigeria. If the girl was living with her biological mother would it be so easy to do?

Oga OP you better find a way to manage your child's juvenile delinquency. Sending her away or running will not solve the problem.

No one will take care of your biological child better than you.

Let her be under your watchful eyes and try to understand the reason for her actions.

Keep talking to her with love!

Leave the OP to do what he has in mind to do.

If the said Girl was to be your child, you can do it your way.

...Them dey tell you say, Pikin dey spoil, wan put him papa for trouble...you dey talk your own.

...which kind girl Pikin be that ? ...wey school go close around 3-4 pm, na 6 - 7 pm she go dey come back house.

See, Them say " When bird learn to fly without perching on a tree branch, the hunter too will learn how to shoot without missing"

..@OP, do that which you have in mind to do.

DonXavi:
Deceive her that you are going for a visit to Nigeria, may be for a wedding or any other function and once you arrive naija, you let her know that she won't be going back with you for now. This is what I did to my son and brought him from Spain to Africa. He was 14 then and was becoming a problem to us and everybody, but we strategized a means, telling he'll be coming to Africa for a wedding, we only let him know he wasn't going back to Spain after 2 weeks of his arrival. Right now, he is in boarding school in Owerri, and the information I get about him from my people he stays with whenever he is on vacation, is that his behavior has changed a lot.

...@ Donxavi, are you from Ebonyi State ?

Very bad dad from your write up.
She is behaving bad
She comes home late
She don't listen to my wife
She will be a bad influence.
She said my wife is not her mother.

This young girl is telling you something but you have refused to listen.
See how easy it is for you to want her send to Nigeria so you can breath fresh air.
As she is not a product of your union.
Send the girl to her mum or her mum's family.
There is a reason court always give custody of kids like that to mum cos mum will always treat them better than dad.

If you had been showing love to that girl including your wife, she will not be avoiding home.
You don't even make out time for her yet you are the reason she is in your house. Her only connection.
Shame on you.
Did I read you might be tempted to beat her up.

So easy to straf without condom but the responsibility that comes with it, we don't want to be part of it.
Be a dad to your little girl and stop being a coward.

Let your girl see you as her friend and confidant, somebody she can mess around with, come to with school problem. Somebody she can cry to and look up to with love.
Not a monster cos that's what you and the rest of the family are to her.
And oh, rough handling brings out more rebellion and negativity.

henrimoto:
...@ Donxavi, are you from Ebonyi State ?

I am not from Ebonyi State, but my wife is. Why did you ask?

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much, we are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible , she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home she comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet. I am on my way to work I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys , we had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse , she is behaving like she's possessed. My wife and I are fed up even her siblings are tired of her we want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones , if we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities. Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

You know, when I read the headline I was getting mad at you already, but after reading it, I understand the pain you are going through.
Your ex wife and present wife... are they Nigerians?

I think you should send her back to Nigeria, but NOT to a boarding school. If your mom is available it would be a good option. She needs someone to be very present in her life and unfortunately you can't be right now.

Wish you good luck and take it easy.
Peace

DonXavi:
I am not from Ebonyi State, but my wife is. Why did you ask?

I have heard a similar story like this... Same from Spain, ... A son too but it's from a third party I heard of it.

You know anyone from Edda? Sorry for too many questions.

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Send her back to Nigeria, you'd be saving her life. Boarding house sef she might be spoilt. Let her go to a day school, where whomever she'll live with can watch her closely and punish her if need be.

Kaido:

It is better for kids to finish high school here, before sending them abroad.

There are still good boarding schools. I think it is a good decision you about making.

Let's stop blaming UK for bad parenting. There are many good kids in UK and the US. If you are thinking of sending your kid to another person to train, you have failed.

Almost Everybody that has commented so far and said rubbish!
Smh

No one will take care of your biological child better than you.

Let her be under your watchful eyes and try to understand the reason for her actions.

Keep talking to her with love!

OP, u sabi land pikin better obara Chineke hottt sllapp?

I think u should practice on dat skill fes!

My advice is to send her back to Nigeria till she finishes secondary school. Look for a good missionary secondary school with strong disciplinary ethics. She will change.

Give her small grace to know the reality of what she'll face in Nigeria. If she refuses to adjust, boarding school immediately. Military school in fact. Air force Girls Military School, Jos straight! She must learn discipline

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Do that quick, quick. Let her come and receive Tinublation treatments, she will come back to her sense.

immortalcrown:
Gagantuan gaga! You are blessed with Jennyclay as a daughter. Send her to her congenial colleague in the person of Jennyclay.

Yankee is the headquarter of juvenile delinquency. Wise Africans in the West send their children to do primary and secondary education in Africa and return the children to the West for university education and career pursuit.

Meanwhile, you didn't tell us how it started. How was the girl brought up to her present age?

Important question. I'd like to know if the girl was born in Nigeria or over there before I can proffer a solution.

Otilor

Where is Christ in all these? If Christ was in that home, this wouldn't have happened. The whole family needs Christ (not religion, please).

"Train up a child in the way he should go..."

Let her watch this: https://www.divinerevelations.info/documents/7_jovenes/english_7_jovenes_hell.htm

What usually gives abroad dwellers the impression that sending a terrible child back to Nigeria will automatically make them better?.. are you guys subtly admitting that the Nigerian system still has some good sides or what?