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Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? - Romance (17) - Nairaland

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Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by jpphilips(m): 10:13am On Oct 08, 2014
carefreewannabe:


You have happily participated in p[b]utting single mothers down[/b].
You have sided with people who offend them.
You called it enlightenment and education to tell them what ALL of them know.
And to come at people whose situation CAN be very tough, especially in developing countries, is very weak.

And the worst of all is that you don't see anything wrong in it.



Nobody is putting anybody down, a man or woman with a child is socially disadvantaged it is common sense, I will not marry a man with a child if I was a woman.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Nobody: 10:25am On Oct 08, 2014
jpphilips:



Nobody is putting anybody down, a man or woman with a child is socially disadvantaged it is common sense, I will not marry a man with a child if I was a woman.

I don't see having a child as a disadvantage just because some or even many men wouldn't want to be with me for this reason. My life is not about how many men fancy me.
If anything ever happens to the father of my children, he will be able to Rest in Peace, because he will leave this world knowing that I will never consider my position as disadvantaged but rather cherish motherhood and make the best out of it.

Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Sagamite(m): 10:53am On Oct 08, 2014
carefreewannabe:

You have happily participated in putting single mothers down.
You have sided with people who offend them.

Really?

So me stating that women in Saudi Arabia are not allowed to drive or travel without a close male relative is "participating in putting Saudi women down"?

So me stating the men in the West are milked through the divorce courts is "participating in milking men"?

Merely stating the obvious is putting people down.

I am sorry but I don't understand such logic. It does not mix well with the blood in my veins.

My first post on the thread states everything about my opinion.

https://www.nairaland.com/1929092/marry-someone-child/7#26798704

carefreewannabe:

You called it enlightenment and education to tell them what ALL of them know.

Some did not appear to know, and I laid my facts down the way it is.

carefreewannabe:

And to come at people whose situation CAN be very tough, especially in developing countries, is very weak.

And the worst of all is that you don't see anything wrong in it.

Wow! As usual, the feminist angle!

So when you stated single fathers have the same issues, you did not see it as a "put down" or "offensive"?

It is only when it is said about women that it is a "put down" or "offensive"?

You get very emotional and outraged at situations that can be very tough for women, but if it is a situation that can be very tough for men you are taciturn and only want to talk about ................"what about women".

And you see nothing wrong with it. It is fine as a feminist.

I guess it is okay for women to be "me, me, me".

carefreewannabe:

I don't see having a child as a disadvantage just because some or even many men wouldn't want to be with me for this reason. My life is not about how many men fancy me.
If anything ever happens to the father of my children, he will be able to Rest in Peace, because he will leave this world knowing that I will never consider my position as disadvantaged but rather cherish motherhood and make the best out of it.


Having a child has its pros and cons just like any complex human interaction.

Marriage has its pros and cons.

Living in wealthy neighbourhood has its pros and cons.

Having only sons or only daughters has its pros and cons.

Living in Nigeria surprisingly has its pros and cons.


When it comes to the dating game, having a child already has its cons that puts people (women or men) at a disadvantage. Far more so women.

Just like being a divorcee puts people (women or men) at a disadvantage in the dating game. Far more so women.

Just like having a disability puts people (women or men) at a disadvantage in the dating game.

Just as being uneducated puts people (women or men) at a disadvantage in the dating game.

Just as being unattractive puts people (women or men) at a disadvantage in the dating game. More so women.

Just as being extremely short puts men at a disadvantage in the dating game.

Just as being poor puts men at a disadvantage in the dating game.

Whether this people choose to see it as a disadvantage or not does not stop it from being a disadvantage they have to somehow overcome.

The society you are in dictates the magnification of these disadvantages. Some would be pronounced, some would only be slight.

Simples!

Hyperventilating in your feminist red mist at the obvious does not change anything. A mist you never have for men being disadvantaged, obviously, otherwise it would not have the appended "feminist".

That is not to say people should be ashamed or not love their child. I just stated what is the fact! It is what it is.

3 Likes

Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Nobody: 11:09am On Oct 08, 2014
Sagamite:


Really?

So me stating that women in Saudi Arabia are not allowed to drive or travel without a close male relative is "participating in putting Saudi women down"?

So me stating the men in the West are milked through the divorce courts is "participating in milking men"?

Merely stating the obvious is putting people down.

I am sorry but I don't understand such logic. It does not mix well with the blood in my veins.

My first post on the thread states everything about my opinion.

https://www.nairaland.com/1929092/marry-someone-child/7#26798704



Some did not appear to know, and I laid my facts down the way it is.



Wow! As usual, the feminist angle!

So when you stated single fathers have the same issues, you did not see it as a "put down" or "offensive"?

It is only when it is said about women that it is a "put down" or "offensive"?

You get very emotional and outraged at situations that can be very tough for women, but if it is a situation that can be very tough for men you are taciturn and only want to talk about ................"what about women".

But, you see nothing wrong with it. It is fine.

It is okay for women to be "me, me, me".



Having a child has its pros and cons just like any complex human interaction.

Marriage has its pros and cons.

Living in wealthy neighbourhood has its pros and cons.

Having only sons or only daughters has its pros and cons.

Living in Nigeria surprisingly has its pros and cons.

When it comes to the dating game, having a child already has its cons that puts people (women or men) mainly at a disadvantage. Far more so women.

Just like being a divorcee puts people (women or men) mainly at a disadvantage in the dating game. Far more so women.

Just like having a disability puts people (women or men) mainly at a disadvantage in the dating game.

Just as being uneducated people (women or men) mainly at a disadvantage in the dating game.

Just as being unattractive puts people (women or men) mainly at a disadvantage in the dating game. More so women.

Just as being extremely short puts men at mainly at a disadvantage in the dating game.

Just as being poor puts men at mainly at a disadvantage in the dating game.

The society you are in dictates the magnification of these disadvantages.

Simples!

Hyperventilating in your feminist red mist at the obvious does not change anything. A mist you never have for men being disadvantaged, obviously, otherwise it would not have the appended "feminist".

That is not to say people should be ashamed or not love their child. I just stated what is the fact! It is what it is.

And then you asked if single motherhood is bad karma. You continued talking about single motherhood as a form of punishment (=bad karma).
I am sure you would never ask if men in the West lose a lot of money due to bad karma.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Sagamite(m): 11:12am On Oct 08, 2014
carefreewannabe:

And then you asked if single motherhood is bad karma? You continued talking about single motherhood as a form of punishment (=bad karma).
I am sure you would never ask if men in the West lose a lot of money due to bad karma.

I merely reversed a real man mugu training principles as a question, not even an assertion.

I never talked about single motherhood as a form of punishment except in the illogical mind of Professor Implier who might have implied it for me.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Nobody: 11:16am On Oct 08, 2014
Sagamite:


I merely reversed a real man mugu training principles as a question, not even an assertion.

You could have done it without supporting the rest of the brainless people here who think it is ok and good to discriminate against single mothers.
Intellect comes with responsibility.

I never talked about single motherhood as a form of punishment except in the illogical mind of Professor Implier who might have implied it for me.

If you say that single motherhood MIGHT be bad karma then you say that single motherhood is a form of punishment. It's more than an implication, it is a logical conclusion.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by jpphilips(m): 11:47am On Oct 08, 2014
carefreewannabe:


I don't see having a child as a disadvantage just because some or even many men wouldn't want to be with me for this reason. My life is not about how many men fancy me.
If anything ever happens to the father of my children, he will be able to Rest in Peace, because he will leave this world knowing that I will never consider my position as disadvantaged but rather cherish motherhood and make the best out of it.











Who makes the social rules, you? you think the world run on what you think or what your convictions are?
I followed closely your bickering with Sagamite, though he is Maverick, but I can categorically tell you that if men really think like women, where things that really matter should be down played, you lots wont have any need for us.

It doesn't matter whether or not you are happy, the thread is a direct question that behooves a direct answer, my answer is a capital "NO" if you have a child, and my reason is that you are socially disadvantaged and if the tides were reversed, you will still not consider me.

I may change my mind probably when Genevieve agrees to marry or date a plumber in her neighborhood.

1 Like

Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Nobody: 12:11pm On Oct 08, 2014
jpphilips:




Who makes the social rules, you? you think the world runs on what you think or what your convictions are?
I followed closely your bickering with Sagamite, though he is Maverick, but I can categorically tell you that if men really think like women, where things that really matter should be down played, you lots wont have any need for us.


What is your point?

It doesn't matter whether or not you are happy, the thread is a direct question that behooves a direct answer, my answer is a capital "NO" if you have a child, and my reason is that you are socially disadvantaged and if the tides were reversed, you will still not consider me.

My ex had a child. I had no problem with his child. I had a beautiful relation with his son.
When we broke up, the most painful thing was to part with the child.
Since then I know that I prefer a man who does not have a child because it can be pretty painful but a child would never be a reason for me not to date someone. And as we get older more and more people will have children. In the age of divorce, it is more than normal that most people we meet will have a past and its results will be children from previous relationships.

I may change my mind probably when Genevieve agrees to marry or date a plumber in her neighborhood.

This is your choice.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by jpphilips(m): 12:13pm On Oct 08, 2014
Sagamite:


Really?


Having a child has its pros and cons just like any complex human interaction.

Marriage has its pros and cons.

Living in wealthy neighbourhood has its pros and cons.

Having only sons or only daughters has its pros and cons.

Living in Nigeria surprisingly has its pros and cons.


When it comes to the dating game, having a child already has its cons that puts people (women or men) at a disadvantage. Far more so women.

Just like being a divorcee puts people (women or men) at a disadvantage in the dating game. Far more so women.

Just like having a disability puts people (women or men) at a disadvantage in the dating game.

Just as being uneducated puts people (women or men) at a disadvantage in the dating game.

Just as being unattractive puts people (women or men) at a disadvantage in the dating game. More so women.

Just as being extremely short puts men at a disadvantage in the dating game.

Just as being poor puts men at a disadvantage in the dating game.

Whether this people choose to see it as a disadvantage or not does not stop it from being a disadvantage they have to somehow overcome.

The society you are in dictates the magnification of these disadvantages. Some would be pronounced, some would only be slight.

Simples!


Hyperventilating in your feminist red mist at the obvious does not change anything. A mist you never have for men being disadvantaged, obviously, otherwise it would not have the appended "feminist".

That is not to say people should be ashamed or not love their child. I just stated what is the fact! It is what it is.


You don't need to say more, "take me as I am" (women dating rules), "he must be a perfect gentleman" (women's rules for men), what are they going to demand next after equality?
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by okotv(m): 12:50pm On Oct 08, 2014
carefreewannabe:


You could have done it without supporting the rest of the brainless people here who think it is ok and good to discriminate against single mothers.
Intellect comes with responsibility.



If you say that single motherhood MIGHT be bad karma then you say that single motherhood is a form of punishment. It's more than an implication, it is a logical conclusion.
bluntness hurts....ouch
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by jpphilips(m): 1:44pm On Oct 08, 2014
[quote author=carefreewannabe post=26965091]

My ex had a child. I had no problem with his child. I had a beautiful relation with his son.
When we broke up, the most painful thing was to part with the child.
Since then I know that I prefer a man who does not have a child because it can be pretty painful but a child would never be a reason for me not to date someone. And as we get older more and more people will have children. In the age of divorce, it is more than normal that most people we meet will have a past and its results will be children from previous relationships.


You have a child and dated someone who has one right? that is perfectly your social circle just

stick to it. Do you now get Sagamite's message?
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Nobody: 2:06pm On Oct 08, 2014
[quote author=jpphilips post=26967325][/quote]

I don't have children. I thought you followed the discussion.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by jpphilips(m): 2:15pm On Oct 08, 2014
carefreewannabe:


I don't have children. I thought you followed the discussion.

Good for you, but remember Sagamite's advise when you become baby moma hungry
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Nobody: 2:15pm On Oct 08, 2014
jpphilips:


Good for you, but remember Sagamite's advise when you become baby moma hungry

What advice?
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by maternal: 2:36pm On Oct 08, 2014
jaydee87:

Bro thanks for your advice, the problem is the guy na her friend senior brother, the guy just moved after the whole film... well I just dey tank God say she no let me enta cos she fit say na me, one reason why I liked her more.

Na lie. She didn't size you up at the time. If she did she would have let you enter and pin that other man's child on you. Don't give that ashewo too much credit.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by maternal: 4:00pm On Oct 08, 2014
Carefree,

I know you're a feminist. But single mothers in the west aren't strong at all. They're a liability to the state. Stop it.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by OmoEziokwu: 4:01pm On Oct 08, 2014
jpphilips:


Good for you, but remember Sagamite's advise when you become baby moma hungry

He he he you guys should stop telling her any more. She's simply being unreasonable or something.

Re-tarded...? grin
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Nobody: 9:53pm On Oct 08, 2014
maternal:
Carefree,

I know you're a feminist. But single mothers in the west aren't strong at all. They're a liability to the state. Stop it.

In the West people prefer 100 single mothers to one person of your kind.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Nobody: 9:54pm On Oct 08, 2014
OmoEziokwu:


He he he you guys should stop telling her any more. She's simply being unreasonable or something.

Re-tarded...? grin

Apart from Sagamite all of you have a 1 digit IQ.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by OmoEziokwu: 11:51pm On Oct 08, 2014
carefreewannabe:

Apart from Sagamite all of you have a 1 digit IQ.

Typical Nigerian black girl. I don't expect any different.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Nobody: 7:30am On Oct 09, 2014
OmoEziokwu:


Typical Nigerian black girl. I don't expect any different.

In an environment that is crowded with chauvinism, Naija women are still too nice. wink

Send Maternal to any Western country and let him spew his rubbish there and see how women AND MEN will react to him.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Dooa: 7:58am On Oct 09, 2014
Enasco1:
ok so youths shud do away wt premarital sex!! Ok. Marryin a lady who has collected more than 8 joysticks n have done numerous abortions x better than Marryin a single mother....
I partially agree, but d fact is and will still remain- a sisi is always gonna b one for as long as she is yet to give birth no matter d lebvel of waywardness.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by greenrose08: 8:47am On Oct 09, 2014
AdeniyiA:
At least it shows her fertility, how do you explain a lady who had had several unprotected intimacy not having a baby, it's either she's done abortions or she's infertile, either way what's d assurance she'd be able to conceive when married /
yes of course, i can ...cool

simply awesome! wink
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Sagamite(m): 10:46am On Oct 09, 2014
carefreewannabe:

You could have done it without supporting the rest of the brainless people here who think it is ok and good to discriminate against single mothers.
Intellect comes with responsibility.

I support only valid arguments and do not support arguments that do not make sense (especially ones that attack kids) hence why I was attacking people like this:

https://www.nairaland.com/1929092/marry-someone-child/7#26798704

https://www.nairaland.com/1929092/marry-someone-child/13#26921529

I attacked maternal because that was his first post I saw on my re-entry into the thread. I was very pissed he could support some useless woman saying she would only allow her grand-kids in the house and not the step-grand-kids.

I was so pissed I went back to read more of his post because I got my Scythe out to attack him, only to find that majority of the things he said were facts but emotional arguments lead him sometimes to stray and say things out of line. Hence why I backed out from the attack.

That is not the first time I back out of an attack on NL. When Igbo people attack Hausa people on NL, I don't criticise them that much despite my rage at tribalism because I understand that many of their relatives have been historically randomly killed in the North at the slightest hint of "you have insulted my religion".

Maternal made some extremely valid arguments so I have a bit of understanding for his lack of respect or concerns that leads him astray.

The women too on this thread were not given valid arguments, hence why I corrected them with the disadvantages. Just the same balanced way I corrected this guy about his disadvantages:

https://www.nairaland.com/1921974/6-reasons-bald-men-better/2#26681785

I am an objective God!


I have said it several times that if I am walking on the streets of London and see a black women struggling with a pram to multi-task and load shopping in the booth of her car, I would walk past. If she is white, I would ask, "Can I help"?

I don't like black women's attitudes, and except I know them personally, I tend not have too much concerns because of their inconsiderate reputation.

carefreewannabe:

If you say that single motherhood MIGHT be bad karma then you say that single motherhood is a form of punishment. It's more than an implication, it is a logical conclusion.

A logical conclusion to you, definitely not to me.

The logic breaks down if anyone knows me and my mentality.

Sagamite does not do RELIGION, SUPERSTITION or UNSUBSTANTIATED ATTRIBUTION.

So Sagamite can NEVER, EVER, .......EVER, EVER, EVER believe in Karma.

As I said, someone was making invalid points that was "real man" mugu training about how karma catches people that have done wrong. And I asked a rhetoric question that, according to her logic, maybe it is Karma that is catching black women for their own earlier stinking personalities.

So Sagamite asking a rhetoric question using Karma as "might", can never be logically concluded as meaning Sagamite believes in Karma.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by OmoEziokwu: 1:04pm On Oct 09, 2014
carefreewannabe:


In an environment that is crowded with chauvinism, Naija women are still too nice. wink

Send Maternal to any Western country and let him spew his rubbish there and see how women AND MEN will react to him.


Discerning minds know that dating-wise, many Western men are wimps and desperate for companionship. That is one of the results of the media assault and crazy laws that have been enacted over time that has given rise to phenomenons like homosexuality and metrosexuality.

Western trends are enabling selfish choices, yet their women are not satisfied, and the smart men amongst them are going abroad where women and gender roles are still quite traditional to seek females. Tripartite marriages (between men, the state and women) which is what goes on here has left many people burned and even the women who claim alimonies still end up dissatisfied.

Are you trying to say than man-woman relationships in the West are anything the rest of the world is remotely envious of? I wonder why you think women playing their own roles and staying feminine for the men to cherish them is a bad thing. Do you really think feminism leads anywhere?

My advice to you is, when next you move around (your normal sex-ual market places, you know what I'm talking about), change the things you use to rate men when selecting them. You women do that all the time, it's an unconscious thing (deny it if you wish). There are intelligent men everywhere, it's just that most of you females (mostly you black Nigerian/British ones and the likes) have been so conditioned by bullcrap (due to wrong influences/choices over the years) that you cannot see the right men. Later you start complaining about how good men are hard to find or you go on to think that all men are foolish like that GIF you put up earlier. Be wise. We see you women, and we know you more than you know yourselves because most of you are just drifting by unconsciously in utter stupidity while men like us just sit back and watch. We know what we want, and we'll make our picks when we finally decide to.

Think.

2 Likes

Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Nobody: 1:56pm On Oct 09, 2014
maternal:



I have married her. Unlike some she refused to carry my child unless I put a ring on it. She actually has morals.

n
maternal am not surprised.story for d gods.
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Sagamite(m): 3:27pm On Oct 09, 2014
If majority of black girls are as classy as these girls, then definitely they would be help in far more higher esteem and goodwill.

Absolutely fcking classy girls and the one in the middle is hot as well.

From the classiness of the girls, you can tell that the university is not Fisk.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJ0NIg5oTCQ
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by skyladon22(f): 4:03pm On Oct 09, 2014
CharmO1:
Wow! Many comments, mostly negative. I'm a single mother. I did the same thing many ladies have done and will always do: s3x. But I did what only a brave woman with a conscience would do, I kept my son. I laughed when I read some HELL NO's. Better a tokunbo. Car than a car that was wrecked in an accident and then panel-beat, repainted, and repackaged as new. I haven't had issues with men looking down on me because I'm independent and I don't even allow a man I'm dating meet my son. I don't want my son seeing different men in my life. It's only that lucky man that would have the priviledge of meeting him though adopting him is out of the question cos my family won't let him out of their sight. Fertility is not guaranteed because a woman has given birth but there's a higher chance of fertility and if there are no kids after marriage, then na the man get problem be that. As someone rightly said, it takes a mature mind and a good heart to be with a single mother because honestly we hardly trust because we've been hurt deeply before. I haven't met any promiscuous single mother. Strangely, most single mothers can close legs tight because of fear of being used and dumped. My advice to single mothers, don't be desperate, rely on God's time. It will happen for you too. And also be financially independent so no man calls you a gold-digger. And no matter what love your child/children because a man can break your heart and abandon you but your kid(s) are yours forever.

God bless you for this part

Most single moms are more decent and responsible than some single girls. cool

This i am 100% sure of
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by izaray(f): 4:04pm On Oct 09, 2014
Is not a big deal!
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by skyladon22(f): 4:09pm On Oct 09, 2014
DailyNews:
many guys here saying yes they will marry single mothers are either pretending or just typing for typing sake. The guy u quoted is real...and what he said is what goes in the minds of majority of guys.

As for ur question, that's y guys can kill any guy who messes with their sister; me, God forbid, but any guy that tries such with my beloved female relation won't find it funny- in fact he must marry her except she doesn't want him.

But I keep wondering y a girl would get pregnant for a guy who isn't ready for marriage, its ridiculous.

Every parent out there should pls forewarn n educate their male n female children on the dangers of premarital sex n unprotected sex pls.


This topic is a big problem in our society now- many young single mothers; which also shows how HIV is being transmitted nowadays, sighs

Mr, please try and speak for yourself. stop hiding under any posts wink
Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by maternal: 4:21pm On Oct 09, 2014
carefreewannabe:


In an environment that is crowded with chauvinism, Naija women are still too nice. wink

Send Maternal to any Western country and let him spew his rubbish there and see how women AND MEN will react to him.

You have started again. I now live in the west. Everything I've said are based on facts or my life experience. Any reasonable man would agree with me. It's a pity you're deceiving women on this board. Other than being at a great disadvantage finding a boyfriend or husband, they're also at a big disadvantage economically as well. All these "strong independent single mothers" if they had to do it all over again, they wouldn't put themselves in the position they're in. You can fool others with your rhetoric, it won't work on me. I'm a realist.

1 Like

Re: Can You Marry Someone Who Has A Child? by Nobody: 5:55pm On Oct 09, 2014
maternal:


You have started again. I now live in the west. Everything I've said are based on facts or my life experience. Any reasonable man would agree with me. It's a pity you're deceiving women on this board. Other than being at a great disadvantage finding a boyfriend or husband, they're also at a big disadvantage economically as well. All these "strong independent single mothers" if they had to do it all over again, they wouldn't put themselves in the position they're in. You can fool others with your rhetoric, it won't work on me. I'm a realist.

Go back to your bush, please.

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