₦airaland Forum

I know the thread was meant for wives and Intending wives. I just wanted to let someone know about what am going through. am not close to my mum or elder sister and I can't tell my friends about this cos they will laugh at me.
Sorry if I went off but I appreciate the advice I got here . Thanks.

3cycle:
Yes. I know him for over 3years now, but we started dating some months ago. He moved to another state and I haven't gone to visit him there yet.

If you have to beg for visits,I don't think this guy is into you. As in, something is wrong somewhere.

3cycle:
I thought we were heading for the altar but honestly I give up. The relationship is not working. We have been together for a while before he moved to another state so basically it has been a Long distance relationship for 6months now.

I am hot tempered and he is the calm type, he has been able to tolerate me for a long time but honestly I think he is the reason why I have been this way.

Since January I have been BEGGING to come visit him, he said january, later he said feb, later march and now he has postponed it to April? Infact he said he needs a leave before I can come. Who begs to come visit her boyfriend? Who even needs a leave before his girl can visit?

Secondly nowadays he nolonger calls me only at midnight. He said he doesn't buy airtime in the day time because he spends more airtime during the day so he prefers to buy at midnight so he spends less calling people. Infact nowadays he is always on the phone whenever I call him. One day he ended my call to call a colleague of his at 1am who lost his dad. I asked if he couldn't call the colleague later in the day and he said no that the colleague might not be reachable.

The last he did was that he did not call me for over a week, he knows I have been having issues at work and I haven't been paid for 2months now. Infact I was broke. I had just tfare, feeding and little amount to carry me for a while before I was paid but all those while he nevr called to know how I was doing.
He later chatted me to ask why I never bothered to contact him. I think LDR isn't for me, I am done. I am sooo done

Let him go, that's what he wants.

I can't imagine myself begging a man to come visit him, he's not into you sweetheart.

Idowuogbo:
If you have to beg for visits,I don't think this guy is into you. As in, something is wrong somewhere.

Initially I thought he was not satisfied with his accomodation but he does nt complain about the place. But just like you, I think another chick might be giving him blood tonic or he was never really into me.he should say so atleast.

blaizze:
personality disorder ke, maybe maybe not but u can make someone change unless they want to right. I got an app that blocks calls so I his calls today. I really want to be free abeg. The whole constant argument can drain ones energy I swear. I'm just going to keep avoiding.

Tell that to a novice. You will feel like fainting sometimes. Please leave him and be happy again. Life is too short to spend it on misery

Blaizze, its clear you don't want to continue with this so- called rship and I believe its a good choice.

Now you don't need to inform him any longer cos it never worked countless times you tried it. The best bet is to avoid him like you would avoid contracting Ebola diesease.

He is not a good choice and I dnt see him changing now unless he so willed to change, instead you would be in for ¥ots of drama. He is blackmailing you emotionall. I suffered it in my rship of 5yrs bf I ended by the grace of God.

You are too small to be experincing such trauma, it can be energy consuming I tell you. Run away and dnt tell him anyting before he starts his drama of begging. He is not married to you and you re going tru all these, what happens when you are finally his??

You need you sanity intact now to pursue your goals and all that you ve set aside to do for your. Its not by force to be in a rship let alone a deadly as this. Like someone said up there, if after reading all these write and still does not get it right then not even God, demons or Angels can make it right.

Its well my dear! You deserve better than this, trust me!

3cycle:
Initially I thought he was not satisfied with his accomodation but he doent complain about the place. But just like you, I think another chick might be giving him blood tonic or he was never really into me.he should say so atleast.

he would never come clean na...some guys are like that tho, they expect you to get 'THE' message. Nne, clear am comot and move on with someone that values your person bikonu.

Idowuogbo:
he would never come clean na...some guys are like that tho, they expect you to get 'THE' message. Nne, clear am comot and move on with someone that values your person bikonu.

Thank you for this. You took it out of my mouth.

Idowuogbo:
he would never come clean na...some guys are like that tho, they expect you to get 'THE' message. Nne, clear am comot and move on with someone that values your person bikonu.

Hmmm, each time I call it quit he usually wouldn't let go. He appologises, he begs and promises to stop some of his actions. I get confused and allow another chance. Sometimes he calls my brother to complain or asks his friends to call and apologize on his behalf.

3cycle:
Hmmm, each time I call it quit he usually wouldn't let go. He appologises, he begs and promises to stop some of his actions. I get confused and allow another chance. Sometimes he calls my brother to complain or asks his friends to call and apologize on his behalf.

*yimu* so he does all this and you are there begging for visits? Nne,shine ya eye na....your bobo is busy giving all his attention to God knows who and you are there waiting on somebody that treats you like a nobody? Come, dem no do ceremony when them born you ni? Girl, pick yourself up and move on!!!! You don't need that time waster

Idowuogbo:
*yimu* so he does all this and you are there begging for visits? Nne,shine ya eye na....your bobo is busy giving all his attention to God knows who and you are there waiting on somebody that treats you like a nobody? Come, dem no do ceremony when them born you ni? Girl, pick yourself up and move on!!!! You don't need that time waster

I give up. Thanks

3cycle:
I give up. Thanks

awww...stress not dearie...joy cometh soon.

He's not separated. Run from him.
Classic example of a destiny killer.
He's still legally married with multiple kids.
Don't be deceived. This his lie is as old as time itself. Many married guys use it to deceive their prey.

nwahmummy:
I need help, i dated this guy for a year now, i found out he was married though he told me he has been separated for the past four years, practically he is still married, i did love him then. but he is some one that does not talk about himself or his family, he told me he has a son but i saw three children in his CV. i dont know anything about his family and i have never met them. people are telling that he is still married which he claim they are lying. now i have met another guy who is serious about me though we are not planning marriage this new guy has never been married before, suddenly the old guy comes up that i he wants to introduce me to his family and this is the same man who has been stalling since. he is not aware that i have met some one else. i really want to give this new guy a chance, i really dont want to be a second wife no matter if i love the person. it doesnt sit well with me having step child/ren. what should i do. the more i try to pull away from him the closer he wants to be. i dont want to hurt him or part in a harsh way, pls help.

Sincerely, long distance relationship is not adviceable.

3cycle:
I thought we were heading for the altar but honestly I give up. The relationship is not working. We have been together for a while before he moved to another state so basically it has been a Long distance relationship for 6months now.

I am hot tempered and he is the calm type, he has been able to tolerate me for a long time but honestly I think he is the reason why I have been this way.

Since January I have been BEGGING to come visit him, he said january, later he said feb, later march and now he has postponed it to April? Infact he said he needs a leave before I can come. Who begs to come visit her boyfriend? Who even needs a leave before his girl can visit?

Secondly nowadays he nolonger calls me only at midnight. He said he doesn't buy airtime in the day time because he spends more airtime during the day so he prefers to buy at midnight so he spends less calling people. Infact nowadays he is always on the phone whenever I call him. One day he ended my call to call a colleague of his at 1am who lost his dad. I asked if he couldn't call the colleague later in the day and he said no that the colleague might not be reachable.

The last he did was that he did not call me for over a week, he knows I have been having issues at work and I haven't been paid for 2months now. Infact I was broke. I had just tfare, feeding and little amount to carry me for a while before I was paid but all those while he nevr called to know how I was doing.
He later chatted me to ask why I never bothered to contact him. I think LDR isn't for me, I am done. I am sooo done

Let me add a few things about relationship.
THE ESSENCE OF RELATIONSHIP IS MARRIAGE.
Everybody has a love language, try an understand their love languages. What are his/her value? How does he treat his mother or sisters? What is his attitude towards money? I wish I could go on and on, but I need to sleep.

nwahmummy:
I need help, i dated this guy for a year now, i found out he was married though he told me he has been separated for the past four years, practically he is still married, i did love him then. but he is some one that does not talk about himself or his family, he told me he has a son but i saw three children in his CV. i dont know anything about his family and i have never met them. people are telling that he is still married which he claim they are lying. now i have met another guy who is serious about me though we are not planning marriage this new guy has never been married before, suddenly the old guy comes up that i he wants to introduce me to his family and this is the same man who has been stalling since. he is not aware that i have met some one else. i really want to give this new guy a chance, i really dont want to be a second wife no matter if i love the person. it doesnt sit well with me having step child/ren. what should i do. the more i try to pull away from him the closer he wants to be. i dont want to hurt him or part in a harsh way, pls help.

Why would he put the number of kids he's got on his CV?

What sort of job is/was he looking for?

EfemenaXY:
Why would he put the number of kids he's got on his CV?

What sort of job is/was he looking for?

.

A nanny, perhaps? And he wants his potential employer to know he has some experience.

freecocoa:
.

A nanny, perhaps? And he wants his potential employer to know he has some experience.

Lol!

No surprises there, then.

I am noT blaming ur mum o! , but I tink ur mum is softhearted. My. DaD left us quite early, the fact that my mum didn't want us to be spoilt. Made her increase d iron hand. U hjad tome frame for everytin which u must not default, they no born u well to flount. Her orders. She go sama stars comot for ur body.
In all not all single parents come out badly. I rather be single than stay In an abusive relationship.

When I hear gist about women who endure. I jus have a word for them, google titi arowole.

May God helpp us

MojAyo:
tanx for understanding what I really meant,I hate broken marriages or single parenting,my mum is divorced and a single mother,the thing dat I hate about dis is the fact dat,she can't talk to my younger brothers,they will never listen to her,there is always confusion in d house,no understanding,okay,lemme make an example,my younger brother was going to a birthday bash,my mum suppose to tell him nt to go,bt she just kept mute to avoid disgrace by him at d midst of his friends,on his way coming back home frm the birthday bash,some thugs came up to him,with him being drunk and rude,they beat d daylight out of him and use broken bottle to stab him 3 places at d back,he was all covered in blood,imagine us all about to sleep at the dead of the night,some women came rushing banging our gates dat my brother ve been stabbed,if u see,my mother almost got hypertension dat day crying,on reaching there,she start lamenting ,to cut the whole story short,she spent a good amount of money at d hospital with her nt having the chance to go to her shop,as yoruba always say,enii bimo oran ni o pon,like if my father is still with my mother,he will ve a iron hand to train those boys which they will never go d wrong path,our last born-she is vry rude,she dnt knw how to talk to elders,bt when I tell mymum about dis ehn,she will insult me and ever her daughter also joining in to insult me,which she will never tell her to stop,which if I beat her,it will cause trouble for me infront of her(mum),so on my two younger brothers,they behave the way they like becos mum never ve d action to tell them she dnt want dis in her house,the one dat got stabbed love partying,the other one,my immediate is vry rude and proud,talks to me anyhow,irrespective dat I'm d elder,and even d so called manfriend of my mum( a married man which d wife never knw her husband is sleeping with another woman outside there)will come to our house to sleep with my mum which d guy is nt even okay than my mum,and I'm suspecting mummy giving him money,so with all dis ,I see single parenting as rubbish,I prayed never to be in one,I want a father dat will join in with me to train d children in a good way,so society won't abuse us tomorrow,u see my dear,the pain of being d first born,and what I seen,go through while I was young,was it my father beating my mum,or the fact dat,my father will be insulting my mum,then she will reply back,and it leads to him beating her,sometimes my dad will kept silent and my mum will be insulting him,being vry aggressive which will later leads to beating,I dnt pray to ve my mothers character,becos of all the wahala ,my father went to marry another woman ,she ve kids for him,and its dis vry woman daat throw my mum and d kids outside d house,my dad and mum were married before I left home for south africa,bt me being there for three years,I heard they were no more living together(divorced)and then I came to visit frm south and came into my mum house,then I noticed all my younger siblings to be vry rude and saucy,which they dnt ve respect for each other,though I love my mum,bt I dnt pray to ever be a single mama,becos the pain and the calamity there,it just takes the grace of God to help someone out,so I never want my life to also be ruled out like dis,even if its for me to behave myself with my husband for the future of my kids,I won't mind,and as u can see,though we fight,and he physically abuse me,we still love each other,seriously,me and him can't help it being away frm each other,if its me nagging him dat makes him beat me,I'm gonna stop dat

Spambot got me so I am using my baptismal name

ladynice:
I have enjoying a grt tym wit dis tread I learn alot from al of u God bless u al 4 taking ur tym 2 give counsel 2 we d intending bride by Gods grace my traditional wedding would b taking place in july I pray 2 God 2 give me a long lasting swt & loving memories wit my husband he is indeed a very nice person dat has d fear of God bt there r 2 issues we have nt discussed thoroughly which is giving me cos 4 concern no1 he strictly believe in no sex b4 marriage which I love too bt how 1 knw if a man is ok or impotent den secondly issue of finances hw do I raise question about it without making him feel am nt only interested in his money though he believe it is d responsibility of a man 2 take care of his wife & he always tell he would like me 2 b a good economist can a man tell his wife how much he is earning & wives can u ask ur husband

This is babyosisi by the way,the spambot banned me

Congrats in advance for your upcoming trado ,I am glad to know how much you love this man.Never ever forget this and don't take him for granted.
About your first question,you can ask him if he has ever had sexual relationship in the past.that could give a clue.if he hasn't I will advise you not to worry as long as he is healthy and not on some types of medication,most young men have gbim gbim in that area ,only a small minority of healthy men with no major systemic conditions have problems with performing optimally

Regarding finances,I admit that is a topic I never discussed with my hubby prior to marriage
The formula we adopted which works well for us,evolved over the years,thank God i was fortunate to marry someone who doesn't believe in controlling what his wife earns,some people may not get that lucky and may need to sit and have that discussion but I will say this
If your husband earns well and can take care of all the expenses that is excellent
But always have your own earnings,it gains you a lot of respect
The model we run in my home is that he takes care of the big ticket items like the mortgage,the car insurance,home taxes ,home owners insurance any big home repairs and home improvement and pays tuition for the children and I take care of the smaller things like the electric bill,water,gas bill,internet,cable and buy virtually all the food in the house and when our kids were in day care,I took care of that too.

Our model works for us because my husband makes double my salary (and also works twice as hard )
In some families the woman makes more so my model will be unrealistic

I never demand money from my husband for anything
It is good for couples to see what works for them and also be willing to change when situations call for change

I hear couples that fight over money issues
We hardly have arguments about money if any
He does a lot and I also pull my weight well
There is a respect that comes with a woman helping out when she earns money and not just let the weight be on the man
Without saying it,some of the frustrations a man may have towards his wife may stem from the fact that his wife is not contributing financially to the household.
Remember that his parents ,siblings and other family members are coming to him to solve their financial problems and if the wife is also at one end demanding money for laces and wrappers and money for small things she could easily handle,that is an added unnecessary pressure.
You can't ask a man to see you as a partner in the marriage and be receiving pocket money as one of the kids.

babyosisi:
My thread was geared towards marriages or those leading to marriages and I doubt if your relationship would lead to that
You are only 20
I don't fault this young man too much,he is only 24
He has a lot of maturing to do so I see this as a factor of his age and immaturity
One thing you can learn from this and this thread is who not to be with especially when marriage comes

Easy, you may discourage another from sharing. Its not the likely possibility but it happens and I know two people on this thread who started out this early if not earlier with their also young spouse, besides one must be ready before one can know.

Btw, unless the boy do something about his "personality disorder" increase in years will not change him.

Floodgater:
Easy, you may discourage another from sharing. Its not the likely possibility but it happens and I know two people on this thread who started out this early if not earlier with their also young spouse, besides one must be ready before one can know.

Btw, unless the boy do something about his "personality disorder" increase in years will not change him.

Thanks for that caution

nwahmummy:
I need help, i dated this guy for a year now, i found out he was married though he told me he has been separated for the past four years, practically he is still married, i did love him then. but he is some one that does not talk about himself or his family, he told me he has a son but i saw three children in his CV. i dont know anything about his family and i have never met them. people are telling that he is still married which he claim they are lying. now i have met another guy who is serious about me though we are not planning marriage this new guy has never been married before, suddenly the old guy comes up that i he wants to introduce me to his family and this is the same man who has been stalling since. he is not aware that i have met some one else. i really want to give this new guy a chance, i really dont want to be a second wife no matter if i love the person. it doesnt sit well with me having step child/ren. what should i do. the more i try to pull away from him the closer he wants to be. i dont want to hurt him or part in a harsh way, pls help.

Let me use the words of one funny preacher, "he is a monitoring spirit enermy of progress that shows up when you want to breakthrough"

I have a question,I will give my take on the issue later on but first I want to know what you folks ,especially the men on this thread think about a scenario where the wife makes more than the husband.

Would that bother you and why?

3cycle:
Hmmm, each time I call it quit he usually wouldn't let go. He appologises, he begs and promises to stop some of his actions. I get confused and allow another chance. Sometimes he calls my brother to complain or asks his friends to call and apologize on his behalf.

He is keeping you as a back up plan.

nwahmummy:
I need help, i dated this guy for a year now, i found out he was married though he told me he has been separated for the past four years, practically he is still married, i did love him then. but he is some one that does not talk about himself or his family, he told me he has a son but i saw three children in his CV. i dont know anything about his family and i have never met them. people are telling that he is still married which he claim they are lying. now i have met another guy who is serious about me though we are not planning marriage this new guy has never been married before, suddenly the old guy comes up that i he wants to introduce me to his family and this is the same man who has been stalling since. he is not aware that i have met some one else. i really want to give this new guy a chance, i really dont want to be a second wife no matter if i love the person. it doesnt sit well with me having step child/ren. what should i do. the more i try to pull away from him the closer he wants to be. i dont want to hurt him or part in a harsh way, pls help.

First of all I don't believe you,I just don't,I tried to but couldn't.
From your little post here,it is pretty evident to me and should be to you that this man was hiding something from the onset,that should have warned you.
How could you date a married man and not know?
Separated means still married in case you don't know
People who know him even told you so and you still preferred to believe him over them
Come on now!!!
You met someone else and I believe that is the reason you now want to get rid of this man

3cycle:
I thought we were heading for the altar but honestly I give up. The relationship is not working. We have been together for a while before he moved to another state so basically it has been a Long distance relationship for 6months now.

I am hot tempered and he is the calm type, he has been able to tolerate me for a long time but honestly I think he is the reason why I have been this way.

Since January I have been BEGGING to come visit him, he said january, later he said feb, later march and now he has postponed it to April? Infact he said he needs a leave before I can come. Who begs to come visit her boyfriend? Who even needs a leave before his girl can visit?

Secondly nowadays he nolonger calls me only at midnight. He said he doesn't buy airtime in the day time because he spends more airtime during the day so he prefers to buy at midnight so he spends less calling people. Infact nowadays he is always on the phone whenever I call him. One day he ended my call to call a colleague of his at 1am who lost his dad. I asked if he couldn't call the colleague later in the day and he said no that the colleague might not be reachable.

The last he did was that he did not call me for over a week, he knows I have been having issues at work and I haven't been paid for 2months now. Infact I was broke. I had just tfare, feeding and little amount to carry me for a while before I was paid but all those while he nevr called to know how I was doing.
He later chatted me to ask why I never bothered to contact him. I think LDR isn't for me, I am done. I am sooo done

Babe, i saw the handwriting from the second paragraph. .e is overdone with you. You just realized now? You nor get boyfriend again oh. Make i tell you. You better delete his number. Infact, if you check my fone, you will see dontpick1-7 or even more, i have lost count.

Now those numbers on 'dontpick' are numbers i will not delete so as not to mistakenly pick their call. And the good thing about those numbers is that, i can never dial or pick them because i don't know who is who.
You better adjust well.

3cycle:
Initially I thought he was not satisfied with his accomodation but he does nt complain about the place. But just like you, I think another chick might be giving him blood tonic or he was never really into me.he should say so atleast.

Don't be surprised, when you check facebook or instagram next week and see wedding pishooor...

veave:
Don't be surprised, when you check facebook or instagram next week and see wedding pishooor...

Or see status change from single to engaged
That is the way some people have found out

MarvellousGod:
How sure are you he's been separated for four years?? hope no be person husband you dey date?

Nevertheless, to me this is no hard choice... there are so many guys out there to settle for second hand... Besides, he's a liar too? how do you plan to cope? It's hard living with a liar because even his goodmorning may be a lie...

That is my suspicion
The handwriting was on the wall tey tey
Many Men will say anything to get in between a woman's legs

The lines " We are separated"
" I am almost divorced"
" the marriage is practically over"

are words any intelligent woman should pick up on quickly and know they are dealing with a lying son of a gun who is just using them to fill up space .Meanwhile he is bad mouthing the wife while telling you ,you were the best thing since sliced bread,don't believe it.

If he is not divorced and you don't see an actual divorce decree with your korokoro eyes,you may be setting yourself up for a heartbreak
Why take that risk?

Preternatura1:
Oh okay, my bad.

Nne let me ask you first.
Please, all this his business he discusses with you.
Onwekwaa nke ifu n'anya gi n'abo? Abi its just speculations... maka ibanyekwa one chance...

I already read some things from some of your posts that are not clear.