₦airaland Forum

kmcutez:
So sure with the above bolded? Are you a scientist? Have you read the various researches in determining sexual orientation? Do you know there are chromosomal, biological, physiological, cognitive, etc differences between gay and straight men?

Depressedguy:
Being gay is my life regret, i have questioned God and myself how i got to this stage. I just feel like commiting suicide.

Here is my story, my name is Frank, 26, a banker. I am the envy of most women, because am 6.2" tall, fair and very handsome. My nickname is Ramsey Noah, this is to tell you how good looking i am. But i have a very BIG problem, i am attracted to the same sex.

This is a problem i have come to notice at teen, i love girls company more than guys, i play all the girl plays and hate football, am guessing that could be where my formation was transposed. I ended up liking what girls like when am not one. But i have come to change a few things becuase i went to a boarding house and was always ridiculed for that. So i changed so many things there, the way i talk, the way i walk, and my gestures, also i love football now more than anything, but my sexuality has refused to change.

I have all it takes to get a woman, i have a good job, a car, and live alone. But at this age, i have not seen a womans pants not to talk of getting in between. But i have so many female friends, so many that the always take me for a player. Am jovial with them, buy them gifts and treat them well, but am not sexually attracted to any of them and have no feelings whatsoever. Am just a good guy, i know that, because that is the best i can do to cover up my little secret. And they(ladies) love me too and many are dying for my attention. I have been asked out so many times by ladies. One even offered to pay all the bills just for us to get intimate, but i declined, lying that i have a girlfriend i dont want to cheat on.

To make matters worse, i hate being gay, sometimes i go celibate for as long as six(6) months simply because i hate my life and my sexuality. Am always alone, indoors all through the weekend, because going out with guys will result to girl talk and i have nothing to contribute, me of all persons, so hard to believe. I also hate gay companies, so many regrets afterwards as to why i am this way. I envy straight guys to the core, i so much wish i am one. When i see a guy and a girl holding hands and taking a walk, i have this feeling of giult amd hatred for myself that i quickly get depressed.

Here is the problem, i want to marry early, at least before 28 or max 30. I need to connect to a woman and force myself into a relationship. I need to get attracted to a womans body, and get turned on by that. And finally, i need to learn how to tolerate a woman, and live with thier baggage. Am comfortable as a single man, i dont mind living alone till i die, i can cook well and am not a sex freak, i can live for years without it. But i want kids, i love them and cant wait to have a daughter. I have once told myself that once i get married and have kids, i will divoorce my wife and live alone then the kids can stay anywhere. But this idea is pure foolishness.

I am very religious, as a matter if fact, this conditionn is the only sin i battle with, i know we all have one. I hardly commit any other sin. But i know that just this one is very mortal, but we are all strugglling because we are all flesh. It takes the grace of God to overcome sin generally.(Please dont come and critisize, we are all going to the same hell: homosexual, hetrosexual; and no sin is worse than the other.)

This my condition is getting me more depressed by the day and sometimes i wish to end my life. But i like my life more than anything, so am thinking of patronising prostitutes at least to get feel of what it takes like. But am afriad of STIs.

Please help a brother...

freecocoa:
From the story, what can you honestly say is the reason you think he wants change?

MizMyColi:

You sound intelligent, cool.

The emboldened doesn't make sense.
The fact that a person displays girlish/boyish traits doesn't make them gay, except of course....they choose to be by pursuing the life style.

It's all in the mind.
A very dire stronghold it is, the mind I mean.
Realities are created and debunked in the mind.

While I agree that there is bits of cognition in general human behavior, I submit that external influences matter a great deal.

There is nothing genetic about being gay.
It's a choice, and folks should stop giving a crass fvck what anyone thinks about their choice (as long as no one is put in apparent danger).

Your analogy, using the intro vs extro personality is somewhat faulty...especially in this context.

I'm ambiverted, with my introvert side always at the fore.
I'm not a top notch dresser, I would rather be alone than hang out with folks who discuss mostly shallow stuff.
In reality, except I have my A-game on, I'm perceived as timid (I laugh in Hispanic).

What's my point?
In all of this, I am cool with my self. I love me that way.
Does it mean I can't change, if I so direly want to?

The answer is before you.

This young man is not okay with his current state of being. Stop making him feel like he is stuck with it.
If he wants change, then change he'll get!

Question is, How badly, does he want it?

Depressedguy:
Being gay is my life regret, i have questioned God and myself how i got to this stage. I just feel like commiting suicide.

Here is my story, my name is Frank, 26, a banker. I am the envy of most women, because am 6.2" tall, fair and very handsome. My nickname is Ramsey Noah, this is to tell you how good looking i am. But i have a very BIG problem, i am attracted to the same sex.

This is a problem i have come to notice at teen, i love girls company more than guys, i play all the girl plays and hate football, am guessing that could be where my formation was transposed. I ended up liking what girls like when am not one. But i have come to change a few things becuase i went to a boarding house and was always ridiculed for that. So i changed so many things there, the way i talk, the way i walk, and my gestures, also i love football now more than anything, but my sexuality has refused to change.

I have all it takes to get a woman, i have a good job, a car, and live alone. But at this age, i have not seen a womans pants not to talk of getting in between. But i have so many female friends, so many that the always take me for a player. Am jovial with them, buy them gifts and treat them well, but am not sexually attracted to any of them and have no feelings whatsoever. Am just a good guy, i know that, because that is the best i can do to cover up my little secret. And they(ladies) love me too and many are dying for my attention. I have been asked out so many times by ladies. One even offered to pay all the bills just for us to get intimate, but i declined, lying that i have a girlfriend i dont want to cheat on.

To make matters worse, i hate being gay, sometimes i go celibate for as long as six(6) months simply because i hate my life and my sexuality. Am always alone, indoors all through the weekend, because going out with guys will result to girl talk and i have nothing to contribute, me of all persons, so hard to believe. I also hate gay companies, so many regrets afterwards as to why i am this way. I envy straight guys to the core, i so much wish i am one. When i see a guy and a girl holding hands and taking a walk, i have this feeling of giult amd hatred for myself that i quickly get depressed.

Here is the problem, i want to marry early, at least before 28 or max 30. I need to connect to a woman and force myself into a relationship. I need to get attracted to a womans body, and get turned on by that. And finally, i need to learn how to tolerate a woman, and live with thier baggage. Am comfortable as a single man, i dont mind living alone till i die, i can cook well and am not a sex freak, i can live for years without it. But i want kids, i love them and cant wait to have a daughter. I have once told myself that once i get married and have kids, i will divoorce my wife and live alone then the kids can stay anywhere. But this idea is pure foolishness.

I am very religious, as a matter if fact, this conditionn is the only sin i battle with, i know we all have one. I hardly commit any other sin. But i know that just this one is very mortal, but we are all strugglling because we are all flesh. It takes the grace of God to overcome sin generally.(Please dont come and critisize, we are all going to the same hell: homosexual, hetrosexual; and no sin is worse than the other.)

This my condition is getting me more depressed by the day and sometimes i wish to end my life. But i like my life more than anything, so am thinking of patronising prostitutes at least to get feel of what it takes like. But am afriad of STIs.

Please help a brother...

MizMyColi:

You sound intelligent, cool.

The emboldened doesn't make sense.
The fact that a person displays girlish/boyish traits doesn't make them gay, except of course....they choose to be by pursuing the life style.

It's all in the mind.
A very dire stronghold it is, the mind I mean.
Realities are created and debunked in the mind.

While I agree that there is bits of cognition in general human behavior, I submit that external influences matter a great deal.

There is nothing genetic about being gay.
It's a choice, and folks should stop giving a crass fvck what anyone thinks about their choice (as long as no one is put in apparent danger).

Your analogy, using the intro vs extro personality is somewhat faulty...especially in this context.

I'm ambiverted, with my introvert side always at the fore.
I'm not a top notch dresser, I would rather be alone than hang out with folks who discuss mostly shallow stuff.
In reality, except I have my A-game on, I'm perceived as timid (I laugh in Hispanic).

What's my point?
In all of this, I am cool with my self. I love me that way.
Does it mean I can't change, if I so direly want to?

The answer is before you.

This young man is not okay with his current state of being. Stop making him feel like he is stuck with it.
If he wants change, then change he'll get!

Question is, How badly, does he want it?

Klinee:
mumu!!

MizMyColi:
Well, on the periphery of his mind.....he's thinks a blood thirsty god would strike him down with thunder should he continue in his perverted ways....

But, at the core of his being.....
It's beyond that.
He knows.

SELENAqueensy:
I don't believe that people are born Gay, No one is born gay.. Its the society that change them, as the op said, he was always around girls and he started liking what girls likes(e.g Boy).. To the extent of talking, walking like girls.. He was born normal but leta changed..

And God didn't create Adam and Adam, he created Adam and Eve... So you can't tell me that God will make some people Gay and some normal......

Btw, I don't hate Gays, I just hate what they do, its wrong

KevinBrown:
Whenever u hear GAY, what comes to ur mind is two guys banging each other in the a.ss abi?

Not all gay guys fancy gay sex.

Ichiato:
@ the emboldened, can you sincerely say you made a choice to be an heterosexual being?

nepp:
Ok, so people here quote bible passages and then prescribe straight fornication as a remedy for homosexuality?

I'm nigerian but Nigerians are stupi.d

Very stupi.d

MizMyColi:
I laugh in Hispanic dear.
There's no need telling the world the story of my life.

When I speak on these things....
I speak with a measure of authority.

After all is said and done....

My hots for men today is a Choice (with capital letters)

naijaboiy:
[color=#1980BC]i'm not on the religious side at all.
Your advice was something like he should accept who he is because that's just the way he is.
Will you give the same advice to someone who comes here and talks about how he has been practising bestiality and wants to change?
[/color]

musaffyan:
GO HANG YASELF ,MAKE SURE U'VE STOP EXISTING CUS THERE IS NO USE OF YOU LIVING
R. I. P.

freecocoa:
So don't you think he would have changed, given that OP has changed many things according to nurture, if I must say but hasn't been able to change who he is attracted to?


The studies on this subject are all not conclusive, so how do you conclude that people aren't born gay?

freecocoa:
Choosing to be hot for men at will, doesn't prove being gay is choice.

If you are hot for both men and women, you are simply bi.

In this context....
There's no nature without nurture

It's a choice....
Life and living....as much as I'm permitted to know, is a choice.

ronald4lif:
LGBT people have a preference for the same sex
Pedophiles have a preference for little "kids"
Bestiality people have a preference for doing "animals"

The difference is that only the LGBT is alright while the others are wrong and sick.

Pedophiles "rape" little kids
Bestiality people "rape" animals
LGBT people have sex between two "consenting adults".

Setaje:
I came late to this thread. I am a psychologist. Although homosexuality has been declassified as an abnormal behaviour in some quarters but it is still very much abnormal if u look at it logically. Now a behaviour is very difficult to modify. Especially something u grew up wiv. In suppressing a behaviour, it is highly likely it gets eradicated wiv continous acts used to counter a bad behaviour. For instance, gays are thought the act of imagination. As psychologist, we know that the mind is strong and complex. An imagination can turn to a reality. When people get fixated at something, human beings can turn that fixation into reality. I mean people act out their fantasies, how much less their imaginations.
In other words, start by always imagining yourself sleeping wiv a woman. If u masturbate and imagine urself doing it wiv a man, change that imagination to a woman. Develop a disgusting feeling doing it wiv a man. When u are cuming, invision the sight or the thought of a woman. What this method does is that, it might turn u to a chronic womaniser if u are not specific wiv the woman u imagine doing it wiv but wiv continous practise, it will become a part of u. Don't give up. This advise is a psychological advise.

nobilis:
Over-zealously righteous people who like compounding the problems of others.

Now, what happens when the OP keeps praying and fasting for many days and nothing happens? He will believe that his own is done for and depression comes in more full force.

Until you have been in the OP's situation or have had a friend or brother battling these things, you will never fully understand.

There is no place in the Bible where the Bible condemns being gay. From Genesis to Revelation. If there is such a verse of the bible, I challenge all you holier-than-thou Christians to show me where the Bible said it is evil to be attracted to someone of the same sex.

What the bible condemns is having gay sex. Not being gay. And these two things are different. A gay guy doesn't have to have sex with a man b4 he discovers that he is sexually attracted to men.
Just like a straight guy doesn't have to have sex with a woman before he discovers that he is sexually attracted to women. Just like u have straight virgins, there are also gay virgins.
Sexual attraction and sex are two different things.

Until u discover that ur best friend is gay or that ur brother is gay, u won't really understand the struggle gay people go through.

The reason I'm writing this is to help the OP further since I've seen the number of bigoted statements after my original comment. The minds of Nigerians are set in backwardness and darkness. And they always condemn and castigate things they don't understand or things that look strange to them.

Just meet any gay guy out there and ask questions. You will see that many of them have gone for deliverance sessions, many have gone for praying and fasting sessions, many have gone for counselling and all sorts of spiritual healings and they don't work.

Many gay people are unhappy or depressed. They are not depressed because they are gay. They are depressed because they see themselves as different. They see themselves as stuck in that different-ness. Many have prayed and prayed yet nothing works. And dat situation fuels the depression.
Many homophobic people are actually gay people who use homophobia as a means of tackling their own homosexuality.

Another challenge: if u know any "previously" gay guy who was "delivered" and has stopped being attracted to men (mind u, I didn't say if he has stopped having sex with men), bring him here to share his story with us.

Corrective sex doesn't work, by any means. Do ur research properly.

One thing is that society is forcing many gay men to get married. And if you can't see the implication of this, let me inform u. It means that a generation of people are coming who will be very tolerant to homosexuality because they have gay fathers and lesbian mothers. So this forcing of people to have girlfriends and get married, just to save face will only have a positive outcome for homosexuality in the end.

OP, learn to live your life. Never you let anybody live ur life for you. Nobody taught u how to be attracted to men. U grew up and discovered urself that way. If that attraction was inherently evil, God wouldn't have put it in you.

missclasssy:
I don't actually think the guy you quoted was wrong in using the introvert/ extrovert analogy.
I believe we heterosexuals see homosexuals the same way extroverts see introverts.

Being gay is not something you can just wake up one morning and decide to change.
It's something that has been wired into the core of your neuro-sexual construction and any form of sexual arousal or fantasy, will always be fully based on it.
You have zero attraction towards the opposite sex and no matter how hard you try to go against who you have grown up to become, you just find out that you can't change.

Heterosexuals don't just get it. We believe these people are wrong and therefore should decide to be "right" like us, not bearing in mind that it would be impossible for us to change or deviate from our sexuality if asked to.

No matter how hard a gay person tries to force himself into having a kind of sexual based attraction towards the opposite sex, that homosexuality or sexual attraction to the same sex will always remain a dominant part of the person.
I believe it's insensitive as well as wicked, for you to demand "change" from a gay person.

Its like having a fetish or a paraphilia for instance.
When you are suffering from a paraphilia or when you have a fetish, your whole sexuality is wired towards that fetish and you can't experience any form of sexual arousal except that particular fetish is involved. You might try other means to attain sexual gratification, but that fetish or paraphilia will ever remain a core part of your sexuality.
That's exactly how it is for homosexuals

Although I am not in support of homosexuality, I am definitely not of the school of thought that homosexuals need to "change"

MizMyColi:
In this context....
There's no nature without nature

It's a choice....
Life and living....as much as I'm permitted to know, is a choice.

missclasssy:
Sorry, I will just have to disagree with you on the concept of imagination as a possible "cure" or homosexuality.
its illogical as well as counter-balancing in my opinion

missclasssy:
I will have to disagree with you on this
Your sexuality is definitely not a "choice" you make.

"Most" homosexuals don't choose to be gay, and they can't change, all they can do is try to change but their homosexuality will always remain a core part of who they are.....

Okay.
Good for "them"

ronald4lif:
LGBT people have a preference for the same sex
Pedophiles have a preference for little "kids"
Bestiality people have a preference for doing "animals"

The difference is that only the LGBT is alright while the others are wrong and sick.

Pedophiles "rape" little kids
Bestiality people "rape" animals
LGBT people have sex between two "consenting adults".