MRBrownJ:


never said there was any facts like that nor that it caused infertility, but since most of these ladies have abortion through quack docs, the chances of getting damaged womb are higher. a damaged womb could leave a lady infertile.



it would be if she did not plan to marry and start a family with the OP. the minute she decides to "share" her life with someone, then her business is also his (and vice versa). it's like buying an used car, you want to check the VIN history to make sure that all is in order. most women without any skeleton in their closets would have no problem with disclosing their past.



correct.... but its all about taking all the precautions to make sure that your family does not start on the wrong foot. marriage is a big deal and you dont want to discover (after marriage) that your new spouse is damaged good.



and some women out there had ONE through some quack doctor and could never conceive ever again. if you are a gambling person then so be it, but some people dont believe in luck and prefer to never gamble, especially not with such subject.

What she has done in the past is her business....she is not his wife yet and she doesn't owe him shit. Making a choice not to tell someone you had an abortion is not deceit.

IAgain...if he ends up marrying someone else who never had an abortion and she NEVER conceived then WHAT?

Divorce? Infifelity?

That's bullshit.

nwachivis:
Please nairalanders help me out.I am not an expert when it comes to writing,but i will still manage to drive home my point to the best of my capacity.

I proposed marriage just of recent to my spouse and went ahead with the family introduction.I have ever since been making preparations for the wedding.

I had told her in our previous interactions that i cancelled the marriage preparations with my ex when she told me she had once aborted a baby for her ex,which made her bleed for days.she told me back then that she was scared her womb was damaged because the pregnancy was 3 months old when she carried out the abortion.she pleaded with me to still marry her,reminding me of God's ability to perform miracles,even though she admitted that it was a difficult thing for any african man to do.I immediately called it quit between the both of us and moved on to my current spouse.

Just yesterday in one of our outings,my fiancée opened up to me that she once had an abortion in the past.she begged me not to call it "quit” with her,assuring me that no damage was done.

Am confused here because i can't handle the trauma of childlessness and a lot has been going through my mind. I love her and she loves me too.

Please advice me.

Do i continue with the marriage ?
Do i accept that it is my destiny to settle down with
a lady that has done abortion in the past ?
Do i insist she get pregnant for me before our wedding ?
Do i just go ahead and marry her with a positive
mindset ?

Please help me out of this quagmire..

Sincerely I blame the two of them for opening up to u,have u ever impregnated a girl before cos while am not justifying their abortions,don't forget that a woman can't impregnate herself,someone got her pregnant.The decision is urs but u guys shld cut some slack abeg,i have met virgins who still never get belle five years down the line, sometimes also infertility may be an issue with the man's sperm,sincerely I feel u shld let go cos it's obvious u will run away at the appearance of any challenge,people have aborted three times and have four children,people have married as virgins and still praying for children.I think a lot of men do not deserve to know the truth sincerely cos they just can't handle it.Don't think u are doing her a favour by marrying her,marriage is good but women are becoming to realise that if it does not work life will continue,the choice is yours,i think evry man shld know that once they are marrying a non virgin they shld prepare their minds, na man dey give woman belle what if the person that impregnated her insisted on d abortion and she just was confused,she did not know what to do.Make up ur mind oga,if u break up with her at least she now knows she won't tell the next guy say she did abortion.Let him who has not sinned throw the first stone people

YUNGLURD:
I see sense in ur post but gals too should limit this abortion of a thing.

Guys too shld stop putting women in d family way when they are not ready for d responsibilty,this is a matter thet ahld be collectively solved by both sex,women shld focus on maling der life better and men shld please Zip up abeg,and that includes serious relationships cos if u get belle nd d man no wan marry u no matter d love he has been professing u go turn single moda overnite

ammyluv2002:
Guys sha *smh*

Tell them the truth before marriage ......problem
Hide the truth till after marriage ......problem


Most Guys are so difficult to please ie guys like the poster

Dude, pls stop looking for excuses and settle down with somebody. Most ladies pretend and lie a lot and you're lucky to have met a lady who isn't a liar

God is the giver of children! I'm not saying kudos to the lady but you shouldn't judge her from her past/mistakes. We are all human so why not just forgive her and tell her to ask God for Mercy and move on with your wedding plans

What's this one saying?

MrsChima:
What she has done in the past is her business....she is not his wife yet and she doesn't owe him shit. Making a choice not to tell someone you had an abortion is not deceit.

IAgain...if he ends up marrying someone else who never had an abortion and she NEVER conceived then WHAT?

Divorce? Infifelity?

That's bullshit.

Mrs chima, i dont know what is your idea of a r/ship but in the "real" world, it's all about CHOICES. everyone has the right to decide what they desire/require for their lives. see how you want to FORCE this man to settle with this (possibly) damaged cargo. this lady has to live with the consequences of her action, and part of that is accepting that some men do NOT want to settle with women who has had abortion in the past.
deceit is hiding the TRUTH from someone, and waiting until later to divulge her past.

if he decides to marry someone else and she cant conceive then thats his problem because that would be a decision HE took, and not one he was forced into by a deceitful partner. why are you hell bent on making abortion something that EVERYONE should be ok with?!

divorce has always been a good choice in such matter.

ammyluv2002:
Shey, because she told him? Do you know how many babes that have done worse yet they act like saints? See, what matters is the repentance and thatz what God is looking at too. Besides, do you know many times you have sin against God yet He's not mad at you. We ask God to forgive us our sins yet we are so harden to forgive those that have wronged us.

Thunder na em go faya that bi*ch wey go wan deceive me. Its best you tell me the truth & let me forgive n forget than you deceive me..... I will not forgive you

In my opinion, I would advise that u go ahead with the wedding. Would u rather prefer a woman who would lie to u about her past just so that u hear what suits you? Do u know how many women married even as virgins and are still unable to conceive? ..
If u love her as you claim, go ahead and do the needful, free your mind of the fear of childlessness lest it takes effect in your life. Keep an open mind, pray and work towards being an ideal father and husband, and watch God bless your home

MRBrownJ:


Mrs chima, i dont know what is your idea of a r/ship but in the "real" world, it's all about CHOICES. everyone has the right to decide what they desire/require for their lives. see how you want to FORCE this man to settle with this (possibly) damaged cargo. this lady has to live with the consequences of her action, and part of that is accepting that some men do NOT want to settle with women who has had abortion in the past.
deceit is hiding the TRUTH from someone, and waiting until later to divulge her past.

if he decides to marry someone else and she cant conceive then thats his problem because that would be a decision HE took, and not one he was forced into by a deceitful partner. why are you hell bent on making abortion something that EVERYONE should be ok with?!

divorce has always been a good choice in such matter.

I don't know what world YOU live in but he was NOT forced to proposed to her...he CHOSE to propose to her. There is no LAW in Nigeria that said men are forced to props and/or marriage. Period. It is a risk you take just like everything else.

It is a risk you take to have unsafe sex
it is a risk you take when you meet someone online
it is a risk you take letting a doctor perform surgery on you unconscious.

the list goes on and on...there's no such thing as selective choice...you are "forced: to choose in some areas and you made a choice in some areas. Thats the most psychotic shit I have ever heard!

if I meet someone and he chose not to disclose how many sex partners he had in the past is not a deceitful thing in my book and it's his business. Anything life and death is out of respect should be disclosed but not personal information that has nothing to do with you.

If there is a medical condition or illness that has been CONFIRMED of infertility then she should disclose it to him. Abortion is not a CONFIRMED infertility illness and no doctor in the world is perfect....even a highly skilled doctor can Bleep up a womb.

ammyluv2002:
Guys sha *smh*

Tell them the truth before marriage ......problem
Hide the truth till after marriage ......problem


Most Guys are so difficult to please ie guys like the poster

Dude, pls stop looking for excuses and settle down with somebody. Most ladies pretend and lie a lot and you're lucky to have met a lady who isn't a liar

God is the giver of children! I'm not saying kudos to the lady but you shouldn't judge her from her past/mistakes. We are all human so why not just forgive her and tell her to ask God for Mercy and move on with your wedding plans

You!!!

I also want to add that too many men blame women for their choices and women does it as well. However, too many men will not take accountability for their actions or choices.

"She made me do it" seems to be a catchy phrase for many. If you don't leap before you jump and don't seek spiritual support in making your choices these blunders do come up!

No one will share all of their past to anyone and you shouldn't make a big deal about something that has nothing to do with you but you are not by forced to be with anyone you don't want to be with.

Whatever choices you make is yours to make and own up to!

agarawu23:
he shld settle down with "apereajase" ? whats is the fruit of marriage?

Dat was a mean this to say. She aborted before doesn't make her apereajase. She aborted for a man remember. And how is d lady even sure d man has not used all his baby able efficient spermatozoa to do free gift.
I think ladies should take their men to the hospital for a proper check up before committing their lives to them. Men r d ones with d highest apereajase proportion.

kendrick9:
i will advice you to get her pregnant first to be sure if she still has a womb.... girls like that most probably were cheap runs girl before u met her...
I will kick her out it was me tho...

...imagine your line of reasoning. am sure you are in your teens. runs girl indeed.

MRBrownJ:


Mrs chima, i dont know what is your idea of a r/ship but in the "real" world, it's all about CHOICES. everyone has the right to decide what they desire/require for their lives. see how you want to FORCE this man to settle with this (possibly) damaged cargo. this lady has to live with the consequences of her action, and part of that is accepting that some men do NOT want to settle with women who has had abortion in the past.
deceit is hiding the TRUTH from someone, and waiting until later to divulge her past.

if he decides to marry someone else and she cant conceive then thats his problem because that would be a decision HE took, and not one he was forced into by a deceitful partner. why are you hell bent on making abortion something that EVERYONE should be ok with?!

divorce has always been a good choice in such matter.

Mr BrownJ.
Whatever you have done in the past before meeting someone you want to marry is your business. Because you r marrying someone, they don't own your past. They r involved in the future you are building together. How many men come out to say 5 girls aborted for me before?
If I tell u about my past, it's not because you have a right to know. It's not an obligation. Have you heard of women who were virgins and couldn't give birth? So if a man has a low sperm count the wife should divorce Him? I don't think it's fair to call people names based on delicious they made when you didn't exist in their life.

tsmith:
Ignorance is bliss..... And a lot of immature minds abound

There is hardly any negative impact on the number of abortions a lady has! Infact a lady that has aborted is proven fertile than a woman that hasnt despite unprotected sex.

There is actual proven research too on increased fertility of sexually active women compared to virgins or secondary Virgins ( abstinence).

For ur rest of mind n assurance, you may wish to have a fertility test..... But calling off the relationship on this instance alone is not justifiable.

To buttress my point, I'm also speaking from experience...... You can term me touch n go.... I have had to tie my wound coz I wAnt no more babies n didn't want to contracrltikn due to other associated health risks.

PS: I'm too old n matured to respond to side or snide comments.

super story

Viciyus:


Mumu.

Park well jorr

You go dey preach rubbish.

Who knows how many pinkin you don flush.


Nonsense

Well, you can insult me from now till next generation i don't care as in it doesn't remove a single hair from my body especially coming from you and you know why? You're just a child and i don't take kids seriously so you can go to CNN too na u sabi. So go on child okay. Hahahaha

Qualer:


You!!!

Yeah?

nwachivis:
Please nairalanders help me out.I am not an expert when it comes to writing,but i will still manage to drive home my point to the best of my capacity.

I proposed marriage just of recent to my spouse and went ahead with the family introduction.I have ever since been making preparations for the wedding.

I had told her in our previous interactions that i cancelled the marriage preparations with my ex when she told me she had once aborted a baby for her ex,which made her bleed for days.she told me back then that she was scared her womb was damaged because the pregnancy was 3 months old when she carried out the abortion.she pleaded with me to still marry her,reminding me of God's ability to perform miracles,even though she admitted that it was a difficult thing for any african man to do.I immediately called it quit between the both of us and moved on to my current spouse.

Just yesterday in one of our outings,my fiancée opened up to me that she once had an abortion in the past.she begged me not to call it "quit” with her,assuring me that no damage was done.

Am confused here because i can't handle the trauma of childlessness and a lot has been going through my mind. I love her and she loves me too.

Please advice me.

Do i continue with the marriage ?
Do i accept that it is my destiny to settle down with
a lady that has done abortion in the past ?
Do i insist she get pregnant for me before our wedding ?
Do i just go ahead and marry her with a positive
mindset

Please help me out of this quagmire..

Really, it is no big deal that a lady has had an abortion. Most do, at least once, and you won't know unless you are told.

Your fiancée opened up to you because she loves you and does not want to allow the incident to burden her mind as your wife.

If she is in general good health and has her menses regularly, you have nothing to fear, trust me.

The effect of abortion, especially on fertility, is a bit exaggerated mainly because the imagination is always of some guy in a ghetto environment with crude, blunt instruments.

There is no need to get her pregnant as a test of fertility. It is uncivilised. I happen to know many women, now with kids, whom circumstance pushed to terminate their pregnancies once or more. If you love her, please go ahead and marry her. You may regard this as a semi pro opinion.

my dear having children in ur marriage is not about how decent your wife was or how rough, I have seen a man that got married to a virgin and till now they have no child of their own. I have a cousin that did abortion upto15 times, infact the last one was the worst of them all because she bleeded for close to a month, she got married last year and gave birth to her first baby this 2015 January. continue with ur marriage and forget the abortion stories you have heard. the choice is yours.

Emmyk:
This is a serious something. I'll make a radio drama out of this, which should be broadcast by next Thursday, hopefully.

People get to contribute after the drama (phone-in).

wish I was in ilorin so I could tune in to the programme..

Hedybee:
How much does it cost to run Fertility test.. Na wao

THIS!

Run a fertility test on her boss. While you are at it get one for yourself, give yourself peace of mind.

onyiiella:
my dear having children in ur marriage is not about how decent your wife was or how rough, I have seen a man that got married to a virgin and till now they have no child of their own. I have a cousin that did abortion upto15 times, infact the last one was the worst of them all because she bleeded for close to a month, she got married last year and gave birth to her first baby this 2015 January. continue with ur marriage and forget the abortion stories you have heard. the choice is yours.

Naaaaah nigah, it don't work that way. I can honestly say the stupidest thing a girl can tell me is that she had an abortion, I mean I am pretty liberal and flexible in my thinking but I will not stomach that one. If OP doesn't like abortion babes, then he should dump this girl too.

Clemzy16:
wish I was in ilorin so I could tune in to the programme..

Eyah. Anyways, I will collect the drama after it has been produced, just that it won't come with people's comment. You get?

ammyluv2002:
Guys sha *smh*

Tell them the truth before marriage ......problem
Hide the truth till after marriage ......problem


Most Guys are so difficult to please ie guys like the poster

Dude, pls stop looking for excuses and settle down with somebody. Most ladies pretend and lie a lot and you're lucky to have met a lady who isn't a liar

God is the giver of children! I'm not saying kudos to the lady but you shouldn't judge her from her past/mistakes. We are all human so why not just forgive her and tell her to ask God for Mercy and move on with your wedding plans

God bless you

ammyluv2002:
Well, you can insult me from now till next generation i don't care as in it doesn't remove a single hair from my body especially coming from you and you know why? You're just a child and i don't take kids seriously so you can go to CNN too na u sabi. So go on child okay. Hahahaha

Hahahahahha

Fish brain.


So you know say I be child abi? to show you say sense no dey head.


Keep it up. Yeaaaaaaah I am a child of God

nwachivis:
Please nairalanders help me out.I am not an expert when it comes to writing,but i will still manage to drive home my point to the best of my capacity.

I proposed marriage just of recent to my spouse and went ahead with the family introduction.I have ever since been making preparations for the wedding.

I had told her in our previous interactions that i cancelled the marriage preparations with my ex when she told me she had once aborted a baby for her ex,which made her bleed for days.she told me back then that she was scared her womb was damaged because the pregnancy was 3 months old when she carried out the abortion.she pleaded with me to still marry her,reminding me of God's ability to perform miracles,even though she admitted that it was a difficult thing for any african man to do.I immediately called it quit between the both of us and moved on to my current spouse.

Just yesterday in one of our outings,my fiancée opened up to me that she once had an abortion in the past.she begged me not to call it "quit” with her,assuring me that no damage was done.

Am confused here because i can't handle the trauma of childlessness and a lot has been going through my mind. I love her and she loves me too.

Please advice me.

Do i continue with the marriage ?
Do i accept that it is my destiny to settle down with
a lady that has done abortion in the past ?
Do i insist she get pregnant for me before our wedding ?
Do i just go ahead and marry her with a positive
mindset ?

Please help me out of this quagmire..

OP do you really love your wife? I'm talking real deep intense love that the you just want to be with her and none other? Or is it a case of let me just marry for marrying sake and have kids o jare?

The truth is, if you really love her, all these things wouldn't even matter. Love does not pick and choose, it loves no matter what. If you don't love her despite it all, I advice you to end it. Having children or not would not make you happy. Infact children cause tension as they drain family resources. If you don't love her, let her go.

agarawu23:
she knows about your past relationship and she still open up to you ,then I give her 3 gbosa!!!

1. her story might be false to know how much you care because her boldness for telling you such is what's strange to me

2. Guys are adviced dis days to make sure your wife to be is at least 1month pregnant before you start marriage arrangement(that's if you are financially ready to settle down)


ladies and abortion these days

FYI , women have been aborting since time immemorial. My husband grandmother tried to abort his father over 65 years ago. Remeber they are aborting pregnancies put there by men, so don't go judging women.

Daresh:


OP do you really love your wife? I'm talking real deep intense love that the you just want to be with her and none other? Or is it a case of let me just marry for marrying sake and have kids o jare?

The truth is, if you really love her, all these things wouldn't even matter. Love does not pick and choose, it loves no matter what. If you don't love her despite it all, I advice you to end it. Having children or not would not make you happy. Infact children cause tension as they drain family resources. If you don't love her, let her go.

do u have kids,,,

ammyluv2002:
Guys sha *smh*

Tell them the truth before marriage ......problem
Hide the truth till after marriage ......problem


Most Guys are so difficult to please ie guys like the poster

Dude, pls stop looking for excuses and settle down with somebody. Most ladies pretend and lie a lot and you're lucky to have met a lady who isn't a liar

God is the giver of children! I'm not saying kudos to the lady but you shouldn't judge her from her past/mistakes. We are all human so why not just forgive her and tell her to ask God for Mercy and move on with your wedding plans

I wonder who dey give the girls belle sef, abi no be guys again. Men are actually the worse problem, they impregnate the girls they deny or say no money for wedding the girl go abort am because if they end up keeping it the same guy won't marry them and another man won't marry her saying she's a tokunbo. Men are just children abeg.

[color=#006600][/color]

Hedybee:
How much does it cost to run Fertility test.. Na wao

Even with the so called fertility test self, its not an assurance. That na why nowadays, u see a lot of married couples looking for children

ammyluv2002:
Guys sha *smh*

Tell them the truth before marriage ......problem
Hide the truth till after marriage ......problem


Most Guys are so difficult to please ie guys like the poster

Dude, pls stop looking for excuses and settle down with somebody. Most ladies pretend and lie a lot and you're lucky to have met a lady who isn't a liar

God is the giver of children! I'm not saying kudos to the lady but you shouldn't judge her from her past/mistakes. We are all human so why not just forgive her and tell her to ask God for Mercy and move on with your wedding plans

nice talk!!

ammyluv2002:
Guys sha *smh*

Tell them the truth before marriage ......problem
Hide the truth till after marriage ......problem


Most Guys are so difficult to please ie guys like the poster

Dude, pls stop looking for excuses and settle down with somebody. Most ladies pretend and lie a lot and you're lucky to have met a lady who isn't a liar

God is the giver of children! I'm not saying kudos to the lady but you shouldn't judge her from her past/mistakes. We are all human so why not just forgive her and tell her to ask God for Mercy and move on with your wedding plans

*Yimu.. How many taims hav yhu aborted? Oya, lie

frodobee:
I am not answering your question, it is ur choice. I am bordered by the number of abortions carried out in this times, it is no longer a question of virgins, it is now the issue of "who has not aborted before?"

Your worry is legitimate but slighty ignorant.
You only need to go to sti clinics in the general hospital around you and see the crowd.unprotected sex is still rife and thriving. Abortions and baby mamas are just natural results.