MRBrownJ:


well said! sadly, thats because many people out there are not willing to accept the consequences of their actions.... and think they can erase all the shiit they have done in the past (like it never happened). nonsense!
.

What are you on about? No one said that we shouldn't take accountability for our actions and decisions we have made..that is dumb!

What I said was people should mind their damn business about past issues that has nothing to do.with you or them.

MrsChima:

You wrote all of that and STILL haven't said anything that convince me that someone can FORCE you to choose to deal with someone because they didn't disclose what they have done on the past BEFORE THEY MET YOU.
Not one person on this thread including you can tell me you have disclosed EVERYTHING in your past to the person you are in a relationship with..I know for a fact NO ONE HAS.
In that case we all have been deceitful because NONE OF US disclosed everything we have done in the past!
The world I live in is not fiction and a bunch of unrealistic bullshit.

Mrs C, if one day your future hubby tells you that he dumped his ex because of reason "X, Y or Z" and you also happened to do "X, Y or Z" in your past, then that should be the moment to tell him the truth and stop wasting your time and his. not doing so at that moment would be considered DECEIT imho!

now, if you want to live in BS r/ship where you waste time pretending to be someone you are not, then so be it. this lady is/was an abortionist (and there is nothing wrong with that) and her hubby has the right to know about it. i MBJ have nothing to hide nor aint ashamed of who i am, people take me for who i am and nothing less.

MrsChima:
What are you on about? No one said that we shouldn't take accountability for our actions and decisions we have made..that is dumb!

What I said was people should mind their damn business about past issues that has nothing to do.with you or them.

how can you say your possible future husband should mind his own business regarding the abortion that you may have had in the past?! thats his damn business if he is against dating a gal who had one.

Akynzodeighbour:
am not a saint, ur the one acting like one... Moreover would you marry an ex rapist, or ex criminal

I ask that she goat this same question,

But she dey call me kid.

Viciyus:


I ask that she goat this same question,

But she dey call me kid.

don't mind her, what they can't accept, they will be luring someone to accept it, am suspecting either she has aborted or someone in her family has done it

MRBrownJ:


Mrs C, if one day your future hubby tells you that he dumped his ex because of reason "X, Y or Z" and you also happened to do "X, Y or Z" in your past, then that should be the moment to tell him the truth and stop wasting your time and his. not doing so at that moment would be considered DECEIT imho!

now, if you want to live in BS r/ship where you waste time pretending to be someone you are not, then so be it. this lady is/was an abortionist (and there is nothing wrong with that) and her hubby has the right to know about it. i MBJ have nothing to hide nor aint ashamed of who i am, people take me for who i am and nothing less.




how can you say your possible future husband should mind his own business regarding the abortion that you may have had in the past?! thats his damn business if he is against dating a gal who had one.

First of all, I don't have no future husband but a current husband.

Because I am not petty and unrealistic....I don't go asking him nor expect him to tell me everything that he has done in the past that does not affect me. It is none of my business and vice versa.

Thirdly, you will only disclose what you are not a shame of nor care about. LET'S KEEP IT REAL.

If my husband sit his ass around and tell me he ate shit and drunk piss as a child ....that's on him! Why do I have to disclose a tit for tat simply because he shared something embarrassing? That is not making no damn sense! I don't have to disclose anything that doesn't affect him period.

Just because someone tell you something personal about their past is not a requirement to disclose something personal about your past that doesn't affect you.

geekybabe:


Lols. acidosis where have u been?

hey sweet classmate, I've been good o, hiding under the shadow of the almighty.
How about you?

childlessness see what watching too much nollywood has done

whatever happened to no sex before marriage

ammyluv2002:
Guys sha *smh*

Tell them the truth before marriage ......problem
Hide the truth till after marriage ......problem


Most Guys are so difficult to please ie guys like the poster

Dude, pls stop looking for excuses and settle down with somebody. Most ladies pretend and lie a lot and you're lucky to have met a lady who isn't a liar

God is the giver of children! I'm not saying kudos to the lady but you shouldn't judge her from her past/mistakes. We are all human so why not just forgive her and tell her to ask God for Mercy and move on with your wedding plans

Perfect answer. What if she's perfect and you ended up being the person who isn't fertile ...eg low sperm count or some other issues? If you want to marry her, marry her. Period. She is a blessed woman for telling you the truth. Some will just talk to God about it and overlook telling you while others (which most people will say are 'sharp') won't say a word to either God or man. If you love her and can build a life (not just a family, LIFE...like you and her visions) with her, then by all means MARRY HER!!!

MrsChima:


You don't have to marry someone that you don't want to marry but know this just like you won't marry a serial killer neither does a person want to marry a dumb ass.

You have flaws and issues as well. I bet you won't disclose everything you have done unpleasantly.

Keep it real.

MrsChima:


You wrote all of that and STILL haven't said anything that convince me that someone can FORCE you to choose to deal with someone because they didn't disclose what they have done on the past BEFORE THEY MET YOU.

Not one person on this thread including you can tell me you have disclosed EVERYTHING in your past to the person you are in a relationship with..I know for a fact NO ONE HAS.

In that case we all have been deceitful because NONE OF US disclosed everything we have done in the past!

The world I live in is not fiction and a bunch of unrealistic bullshit.

I don't know why people make over generalized conclusions. There are issues where you can only speak for yourself.

The last relationship I had (and the most serious so far), I told my partner every thing, absolutely everything she needed to hear about me, I hid none! She had access to my phones and my computer system, 24/7 ! She knew my system password and my phone unlock pattern, so what ?
That's the way I live my life, If you don't like me, buzz off. I have never killed anybody, never stolen from anybody, never defrauded anyone. I am not perfect but I love my life and proud of myself despite my obvious weaknesses.
The worst thing was that I told her that I have had more partners than I would have wished to, which even included some people she knows, so ?
I believe in openness and I will rather live alone on an island than in a house with a deceitful person.

I find it remarkably absurd that you have decided to use the phrase 'keep it real' when trying to convince me that nobody can show their real self in a relationship, because we need to keep some part hidden - hope you spot the contradiction !

Cashdown Nigeria, Nigeria's first online Pawnshop

pak:


Don't mind all these people who talk without thinking. Past is past so I should marry someone I just discovered to be a serial killer ?

I have never insulted anyone on this forum and I won't start. Like dey say, having an opinion is like having an ass. Yours is noted.
You will only know she was a serial killer because she told you or she has a crime record you know. If she doesn't tell u nd Noone else does, u won't know. And having an abortion can't be compared to being a serial killer. She had to make a decision and she did. Do not stand there and judge her. Do u think it was an easy decision for her to make? She made her mistake and she's living with it. If he can't deal with it, he should move on and forget it. It's not just her mistake you know. It took two people displaying acts of irresponsibility for her to have gotten pregnant. I have never heard a guy confess a girl not to talk of honestly mention the girls that have had abortions for him.
Don't bury the poor lady alive because she wanted to be truthful.

pak:




I don't know why people make over generalized conclusions. There are issues where you can only speak for yourself.

The last relationship I had (and the most serious so far), I told my partner every thing, absolutely everything she needed to hear about me, I hid none! She had access to my phones and my computer system, 24/7 ! She knew my system password and my phone unlock pattern, so what ?
That's the way I live my life, If you don't like me, buzz off. I have never killed anybody, never stolen from anybody, never defrauded anyone. I am not perfect but I love my life and proud of myself despite my obvious weaknesses.
The worst thing was that I told her that I have had more partners than I would have wished to, which even included some people she knows, so ?
I believe in openness and I will rather live alone on an island than in a house with a deceitful person.

I find it remarkably absurd that you have decided to use the phrase 'keep it real' when trying to convince me that nobody can show their real self in a relationship, because we need to keep some part hidden - hope you spot the contradiction !

You failed the lie detector test and you know damn well you didn't tell anyone everything that has happened in your past and anything you have done that is questionable.

Why can't motherfuckers keep it real?!

Anyway..do you.

Deehvahrzz:

I have never insulted anyone on this forum and I won't start. Like dey say, having an opinion is like having an ass. Yours is noted.
You will only know she was a serial killer because she told you or she has a crime record you know. If she doesn't tell u nd Noone else does, u won't know. And having an abortion can't be compared to being a serial killer. She had to make a decision and she did. Do not stand there and judge her. Do u think it was an easy decision for her to make? She made her mistake and she's living with it. If he can't deal with it, he should move on and forget it. It's not just her mistake you know. It took two people displaying acts of irresponsibility for her to have gotten pregnant. I have never heard a guy confess a girl not to talk of honestly mention the girls that have had abortions for him.
Don't bury the poor lad
y alive because she wanted to be truthful.

Exactly. He has posted a post contradicting himself or herself. It said that no one can show their real self in a relationship and some things needed to be hidden.

Which one is it? We should keep things hidden or tell evertthing?!!

It has confused itself!

young man go ahead and marry your girl, you are even luck to have a girl that is truthful; after all the devil you know is better than the angel you do not know.

MrsChima:


First of all, I don't have no future husband but a current husband.

Because I am not petty and unrealistic....I don't go asking him nor expect him to tell me everything that he has done in the past that does not affect me. It is none of my business and vice versa.

Thirdly, you will only disclose what you are not a shame of nor care about. LET'S KEEP IT REAL.

noted, but you have only yourself to blame when he finds out about anything you did that he is against and divorce you because you hid that from him. remember, whats good for the goose..............

If my husband sit his ass around and tell me he ate shit and drunk piss as a child ....that's on him! Why do I have to disclose a tit for tat simply because he shared something embarrassing? That is not making no damn sense! I don't have to disclose anything that doesn't affect him period.
Just because someone tell you something personal about their past is not a requirement to disclose something personal about your past that doesn't affect you.

i guess we are different, i believe in trust and honesty, care and understanding....... therefore if someone i was about to marry tell me they are against something i did in the past, it is my DUTY to tell them that i have done it so that we dont waste time lying and pretending to be who we are not. let me guess: you would have advise the lady of the OP to lie to him if he asked her if she ever had an abortion, right?

MRBrownJ

There won't be any blame because we don't trip off petty things...Thank God!

All my husband and I want to know are we going to be subjected to any life and death situations/experiences....if not we are good!

I also am into trust and honesty as wel lol as minding my business to things that does not affect me or knew me.

MrsChima:


You failed the lie detector test and you know damn well you didn't tell anyone everything that has happened in your past and anything you have done that is questionable.

Why can't motherfuckers keep it real?!

Anyway..do you.

I have resisted the urge to respond with an insult so I took a deep breath before typing this
I grew up with my dad in my impressionable years and he was an open book. The first thing that cuts anybody off my list is deceit.

Every body with a sensitive conscience is naturally a good person on the inside regardless of what he/she must have gone through. And whatever you think you might have gone through or done is an experience millions of others would have had at some point.
So I don't see any reason why I should be afraid of telling those close to my heart about my challenges and difficulties no matter how bad it sounds knowing fully well they might have experienced something similar or worse

but then it might be pointless arguing about this - female children especially those in Africa are raised differently from men. And a male child is moulded from his early years to be less concerned about society's opinion of him whereas females are sort of raised to conform to some arbitrary standards so maybe I might understand your angle a bit.

I have had friends who had talked openly about girls that had abortions for them, or being on drugs - so what ?

I have been addicted to pornography at some point in my life before , so what ?

I have had more partners than I would have wished to, so what ?

I have never stolen from anybody or killed any one ?

So really what is it that you think I might want to hide from my spouse ?? I am still trying to imagine what that thing is ?


I think the problem you might have is never learning to accept yourself for who you are. It's a battle a lot of women (and men) face

MrsChima:
MRBrownJ

There won't be any blame because we don't trip off petty things...Thank God!

All my husband and I want to know are we going to be subjected to any life and death situations/experiences....if not we are good!

I also am into trust and honesty as wel lol as minding my business to things that does not affect me or knew me.

Wow! petty things like having an abortion (which I believe was the premise of this thread) I'm learning MrsChima, I'm learning !


I will also like to learn the definition of trust and honesty because today might just be 'reorientation friday' for me.


I used to think the information someone withheld from me, that he should have told me, is a worse form of deceit than the lies he said

MrsChima:


Exactly. He has posted a post contradicting himself or herself. It said that no one can show their real self in a relationship and some things needed to be hidden.

Which one is it? We should keep things hidden or tell evertthing?!!

It has confused itself!

I might be missing something here.

If you are referring to the sentence below in my earlier post, then you didn't get my point

I find it remarkably absurd that you have decided to use the phrase 'keep it real' when trying to convince me that nobody can show their real self in a relationship, because we need to keep some part hidden - hope you spot the contradiction !


I was actually trying to condense your line of reasoning from your earlier posts on this thread. Which is - there are some parts of our selves that we still need to keep hidden even from our spouse and then you used the phrase 'let's keep things real' to buttress your points, which I felt was a big contradiction. It's like you saying - let's keep things real, we can't be real to our spouses !

MrsChima:
MRBrownJ

There won't be any blame because we don't trip off petty things...Thank God!

All my husband and I want to know are we going to be subjected to any life and death situations/experiences....if not we are good!

I also am into trust and honesty as wel lol as minding my business to things that does not affect me or knew me.

and thats good for you, but you must agree that if a man wants to "trip" over petty things like past abortions, then he has all the rights to do so.
trust and honesty is not about minding your own business, it is about fully disclosing yourself to your partner, and telling him about past matters that may be a problem to him.

MRBrownJ:


noted, but you have only yourself to blame when he finds out about anything you did that he is against and divorce you because you hid that from him. remember, whats good for the goose..............



i guess we are different, i believe in trust and honesty, care and understanding....... therefore if someone i was about to marry tell me they are against something i did in the past, it is my DUTY to tell them that i have done it so that we dont waste time lying and pretending to be who we are not. let me guess: you would have advise the lady of the OP to lie to him if he asked her if she ever had an abortion, right?

I guess this is going to be a difficult back and forth; You are talking to people with totally different world-views. It's like trying to explain what happens in mars to creatures from venus.
See as she 'smartly' avoided your final question


I see you also noticed the 'petty things'. Petty things like abortion

MRBrownJ:


and thats good for you, but you must agree that if a man wants to "trip" over petty things like past abortions, then he has all the rights to do so.
trust and honesty is not about minding your own business, it is about fully disclosing yourself to your partner, and telling him about past matters that may be a problem to him.

He does not have the right to trip off what someone did to their body in the past but he has every right to grow a brain and balls.

What is important my husband know and the rest ain't his business.

pak:



I guess this is going to be a difficult back and forth; You are talking to people with totally different world-views. It's like trying to explain what happens in mars to creatures from venus.
See as she 'smartly' avoided your final question


I see you also noticed the 'petty things'. Petty things like abortion

No I didn't avoid his question...I chose not to answer that question for it was dumb one. Just like you chose not to mind your business about someone personal business that dont affect you. Or was it the serial killer bit? Either way...both petty.

Yes..it is petty to worry about shot that doesn't affect you.

pak:


I have resisted the urge to respond with an insult so I took a deep breath before typing this
I grew up with my dad in my impressionable years and he was an open book. The first thing that cuts anybody off my list is deceit.

Every body with a sensitive conscience is naturally a good person on the inside regardless of what he/she must have gone through. And whatever you think you might have gone through or done is an experience millions of others would have had at some point.
So I don't see any reason why I should be afraid of telling those close to my heart about my challenges and difficulties no matter how bad it sounds knowing fully well they might have experienced something similar or worse

but then it might be pointless arguing about this - female children especially those in Africa are raised differently from men. And a male child is moulded from his early years to be less concerned about society's opinion of him whereas females are sort of raised to conform to some arbitrary standards so maybe I might understand your angle a bit.

I have had friends who had talked openly about girls that had abortions for them, or being on drugs - so what ?

I have been addicted to pornography at some point in my life before , so what ?

I have had more partners than I would have wished to, so what ?

I have never stolen from anybody or killed any one ?

So really what is it that you think I might want to hide from my spouse ?? I am still trying to imagine what that thing is ?


I think the problem you might have is never learning to accept yourself for who you are. It's a battle a lot of women (and men) face

What are on about? How the he'll did you jump from people sharing personal shit about their past that has nothing to do with you to not accepting themselves for who they are

So according to "faux pas genius" if you commit a crime or whatever AND chose not to disclose that information then you are not accepting yourself!

I guess you don't accept yourself since you haven't disclosed everything you have done in the past!

See how dumb that shit sounds? Exactly! Don't worry about my reasoning after that shit you said above!

If you want to insult to make yourself feels important go right ahead...cos I think you are feeling a bit hmmm.

By the way...I chose not to answer that dumb ass question that MrBrownJ asked just like you chose to bish about why people choose not to disclose personal information that has nothing to do with you..then want to say that person not being honest especially if they were never asked!

Telling your personal information to someone is not asking the question! If they have never asked the question or denied the question. ..it is not dishonesty nor deceit!

Since you are so honest and truthful....whatn is your bank account information and pin number?

@ Miss Chima

Please accept your line of reasoning is wrong. Abortion is not a personal issue or petty issue in marriage. Hidden complications could be there which may affect child bearing in future. Trust and honesty you preach should be demonstrated by letting your partner know all that matter in marriage before they say I DO. If one partner gives a HINT about a particular thing he/she is not comfortable with, it becomes obligatory for the other partner to bring that thing to light if he/she is guilty of it.

Like I earlier advised the OP, they should see a doctor if all is well, he should go ahead with the marriage. Committing abortion does not make her the worst sinner. And the OP should also note that he has no moral justification looking for a lady who has not aborted before, if he has slept with a lady without protection in the past cos he could have been a father to an aborted baby.

ammyluv2002:
Biko, park well make i see better people mention

u re possesed with a demon, ur problems is endless and can only be solved God..

corektchic:

so d guys wey follow plant d pikin no go hear am abi? What abt cases where d lady is willing to keep d baby but d man says she's on her own. Wat abt pple who got pregnant out of ignorance n those who were threatened by the men to end their relationships if they dnt lie with dem and out of desperation gave in only to be disappointed by same men. I don see u na ur d Almighty that knows d heart of everyone. Don't seat n condemn when u dnt knw d person's story. That's y GOD is not man.

hahaha no excuse for sin, when u face God u tell him excuses that made you waste an innocent blood and he will clap for u..

Edusouls:
u re possesed with a demon, ur problems is endless and can only be solved God..

Ok! Seen lol

nwachivis:
Please nairalanders help me out.I am not an expert when it comes to writing,but i will still manage to drive home my point to the best of my capacity.

I proposed marriage just of recent to my spouse and went ahead with the family introduction.I have ever since been making preparations for the wedding.

I had told her in our previous interactions that i cancelled the marriage preparations with my ex when she told me she had once aborted a baby for her ex,which made her bleed for days.she told me back then that she was scared her womb was damaged because the pregnancy was 3 months old when she carried out the abortion.she pleaded with me to still marry her,reminding me of God's ability to perform miracles,even though she admitted that it was a difficult thing for any african man to do.I immediately called it quit between the both of us and moved on to my current spouse.

Just yesterday in one of our outings,my fiancée opened up to me that she once had an abortion in the past.she begged me not to call it "quit” with her,assuring me that no damage was done.

Am confused here because i can't handle the trauma of childlessness and a lot has been going through my mind. I love her and she loves me too.

Please advice me.

Do i continue with the marriage ?
Do i accept that it is my destiny to settle down with
a lady that has done abortion in the past ?
Do i insist she get pregnant for me before our wedding ?
Do i just go ahead and marry her with a positive
mindset ?

Please help me out of this quagmire..

jump and pass,or ur love is blind

My advice is holdon and save money for the marriage. wait till she's pregnant and you can do the wedding before everyone notice And also make sure you confirm the pregnancy before you go ahead. That's how I did mine within 4 months.

ammyluv2002:
Shey, because she told him? Do you know how many babes that have done worse yet they act like saints? See, what matters is the repentance and thatz what God is looking at too. Besides, do you know many times you have sin against God yet He's not mad at you. We ask God to forgive us our sins yet we are so harden to forgive those that have wronged us.

Hey stop comparing humans to God,,, he owns everything .......

Women never really say the whole truth.... She may still be hiding something

Edusouls:
hahaha no excuse for sin, when u face God u tell him excuses that made you waste an innocent blood and he will clap for u..

tnkGOD u aint Him