₦airaland Forum

Jahblessme:
People usually under estimate the power and satisfaction revenge brings.
Some people are naturally vengeful,tit for tat and paying back is the only way to self soothe.
Why do people spit in food, watch the other person eat it and feel joy?
How come people poison others and watch them get sick slowly while playing the attentive partner?
Revenge isn't for the weak minded or guilt ridden souls.
I find it funny when people talk like revenge cannot provide relief.
The kicker is that you think you are smart and getting away with it while I'm also enjoying myself. Hehehehee

You guys need to understand that sex isn't that big a deal for some. Its when 2/ more bodies enjoy each other.All this attaching of excess sentiment to it isn't for everyone.It is very easy to get attracted to another human being, throw in the mix of unhappily married woman and a man with a listening ear and broad shoulders to lean on and a full blown affair is born.Abi all the women cheating are aliens??

For me,do whatever lets you sleep at night.If it's getting your own back,so be it. I won't discourage o jare.If it's prayer, enjoy.If you want to live for your kids na you sabi.

I know exactly where I belong,no apologies.

Babymama1:
Women in Nigeria have no voices in justice as at yet
Things are changing gradually but it will take time to get there
We read cases where an abused woman hoes to a police station to make a report and is told to go home and reconcile with her husband
Men and mothers in law still threaten wives with taking away the children if they leave
Didn't we read it here on nairaland where a woman was told by her MIL that she didn't come into her son's house with kids and will leave without any kids.
Until that changes,women will always get the shorter end of the stick

Babymama1:
Biko is this aisha2?
This is her style

EfemenaXY:
I get where your mum is coming from, but I'm afraid these "survival tactic" suggestions only sweep the problem under the carpet, without addressing the real problem staring the wife in the face.

I also see this advice as your typical Nollywood grin and bear. This is nothing but pretence, and it begs the question: For how long? And how much can she take? Does she keep ignoring and bearing till the man brazenly brings his sluts and side chicks into their matrimonial home? And unto their matrimonial bed?

I'm sorry to say this, but this is the unhealthiest, old-school advice to give an already unhappy married woman. It's also downright dangerous on so many levels, chief of which is, the woman being exposed to a host of STD / STI nasties out there. All because the supposedly married man chooses to turn himself into a public toilet?

Then there is hers and the children's psychological well being to be considered. A woman married to, and living with a chronic cheat is bound to be paranoid. Every phone call, email, and even post of his is treated with suspicion by her. So is every female non-relative who comes in contact with her husband. Innocent gestures get treated with suspicion. Seriously, what sort of life is that? Yes, she can throw herself into looking after their kids, into her career, business, homefront, etc but it still won't change the fact that her doing all of the aforementioned is simply giving the man the green light to continue with his philandering ways. It also reeks of desperation and the belief that marriage is a do-or-die affair. That it's better to be an unhappy DEAD Mrs than a happily divorced Ms.

And for those who say they'll remain in those hell of a marriage, for the sake of their kids, who are they kidding? How can an unhappy mother who hates men with a venom bring up a happy balanced male kid - when this same male kid grows up in an environment seeing dad cheat like there's no tomorrow, where dad treats mum like shyté, and sees the pain mum goes through every single day? How can such a woman bring up a well balanced, full of self-esteem girl child, when the mother herself doesn't inspire self-worth, and allows herself to be treated with little or no regard by such a man?

Chances are the male kids there will grow up thinking and acting exactly like their father because it's all they've ever known and, will accept it as being the norm. As being normal. The female child on the other hand is bound to see all men as lying cheats and [b]will go into marriage, expecting the worst - which is the bottom line of the advice given to you.
[/b]
Pls, let's all learn to call a spade, a spade. There is only so much the spouse of a cheating partner can take before he or she snaps. Everyone's got their thresholds, and when that that line is crossed, the actions taken won't be pretty.

There is absolutely no shame in packing your bags and kids, and walking out of a hellish marriage. Keep your sanity and happiness intact. Life is too precious. We only have one shot at it, so make the very best of it as you can.

Shikena.

Avalon316:
NO SUGAR COATING HERE.
This thread is just a way of encouraging women to cheat just to get back at their cheating husbands. Why not walk out of the marriage?
Have you no respect for your own body?



mumu,she is not out of shape.

Jahblessme:
F9
Aisha definitely doesn't type like me.
IM an innocent nairalander

KissesandWine:
Slinging insults now, are we? Lol. It's been established severally on this thread already.. if a woman is able to leave, then she should. What I found interesting in your previous comnent is you were trying to shift blame. Making it seem like it's the woman's fault that her husband cheats because she's out of shape. A reasoning that's just flawed.

All this talk won't be happening if men would just be faithful in the first place. If one is not responsible enough to commit to one person, why get married at all?

Jahblessme:
F9
Aisha definitely doesn't type like me.
IM an innocent nairalander

cococandy:
All these online ranting you see some guys exhibiting here is out of fear that one day their women will realize that they are not made to be doormats and demand respect too.

That's why there's that urgent need to hush anyone who's not preaching the 'endure and pray' message.

KissesandWine:
Slinging insults now, are we? Lol. It's been established severally on this thread already.. if a woman is able to leave, then she should. What I found interesting in your previous comnent is you were trying to shift blame. Making it seem like it's the woman's fault that her husband cheats because she's out of shape. A reasoning that's just flawed.

All this talk won't be happening if men would just be faithful in the first place. If one is not responsible enough to commit to one person, why get married at all?

A woman married to, and living with a chronic cheat is bound to be paranoid. Every phone call, email, and even post of his is treated with suspicion by her. So is every female non-relative who comes in contact with her husband. Innocent gestures get treated with suspicion. Seriously, what sort of life is that? Yes, she can throw herself into looking after their kids, into her career, business, homefront, etc but it still won't change the fact that her doing all of the aforementioned is simply giving the man the green light to continue with his philandering ways. It also reeks of desperation and the belief that marriage is a do-or-die affair. That it's better to be an unhappy DEAD Mrs than a happily divorced Ms.

babygirlfl:
We love you. Whether you are Aisha or not I don't care.

cococandy:
All these online ranting you see some guys exhibiting here is out of fear that one day their women will realize that they are not made to be doormats and demand respect too.
That's why there's that urgent need to hush anyone who's not preaching the 'endure and pray' message.

Floodgater:
It couldnt have been captured better than this.
In that "politician ashawo cheating thread and similar threads" they remained in their holes but if the OP opens a thread and say divorce cheating husbands, they will creep out of their holes to say she is the worse adviser, including the ugly one that always end with "radio" looking for young girls he thinks he can flex muscle with because he is flexing muscle with the over 20years younger naive girl he married.
Now Op says stay and cheat back, they are asking what happened to divorced.
Surely women are stepping up only that women are also the ones slowing the pace. I wont be surprised if the statement "cheating is in the DNA of a man" was first said by a Nigerian woman.

Babymama1:
Did you see my di di bobo on that thread?

cococandy:
All these online ranting you see some guys exhibiting here is out of fear that one day their women will realize that they are not made to be doormats and demand respect too.

That's why there's that urgent need to hush anyone who's not preaching the 'endure and pray' message.

Avalon316:
The problem is that you still don't understand my initial post. I never said men should cheat or have any reason to cheat.
I just pointed out that threads like this will encourage cheating. Two wrongs will only kill whatever is left of the marriage.
If it ever become a game to see who will win(husbands vs wives), the men will outclass the women in the dirty game.

period.

bukatyne:
Are you serious

You mean a wife in a loving marriage will read some ladies saying they will cheat on cheating husbands and decide to cheat?

O Lordy

Nnekacherry:
A cheating husband.. One of the worst things to happen to a woman..
Always a depressing topic..

KissesandWine:
I'm also struggling to understand his post as well.

MarvellousGod:
Exactly, you have said it all...

Even if my husband cheats 100times (God forbid), I can never ever cheat back.. where's my self worth? Mehn, I can't stoop too low.. opening my legs for another man?? Geezz, so disgusting. .. I will gain more pains from doing that.. Then, talk about my relationship with God...

There are other ways to get happiness asides cheating back biko...

KissesandWine:
See.. I've never been married but I've been in relationships.
I was in one where through Facebook, I caught the guy cheating. I'm afraid to say this.. but it is becoming apparent that the majority of men cheat. Why men cannot be faithful to their women is beyond me. But it is the sad reality and I'm not about to devise a formula to stop them from straying. Aint nobody got time fo that. Instead of wallowing over it, I think we would be doing ourselves a great service by finding a way to work around it.

Last time I was home, my mum drew my ears to tell me the following:

- Never hinge your happiness on your relationship with a man. Whether you're just seeing each other, whether the relationship is full-blown and you guys are now engaged, or whether you guys are married.. you have to learn to seek happiness outside of what the man has to offer emotionally. If you make your husband your primary source of happiness.. you are just one dose of reality away from a heart attack. As much as you may claim to know your significant other more than than the back of hands.. he is still human. A mere mortal. Therefore, like you and I, he has that predisposition to be unpredictable. To err. To disappoint sometimes.

Don't let the tables turn before you start preparing. Enter into your relationships armed so that you won't be floored when you start seeing signs. Give yourself something else to focus on. If you have kids.. focus on them. Invest your time in them. They should come first before your man (yes, I said it!). If you have hobbies that make you happy.. drown yourself in them. If you like makeup, honey, doll that face up if it makes you happy. Exercise. Keep in Shape. Cook your favorite meals and make it seem like it was his idea to begin with.

You'll find that before you're done with all of these, you won't even have time to spend thinking of what your man may or may not be doing. This is not me saying that you should be disrespectful to your husband. Do what is expected of you.. perform your wifely duties etc. Just don't make him the center of your life. If your man is cheating.. you're obviously not at the core of his either. The happiness you find in yourself will eventually radiate and keep everyone - including your husband- happy.

Zi:
Babymama, lemme talk to you.

I read that thread in awe and fear. Because more or less I was putting myself in the ladies shoes as I read along.

Pls permit me to introduce myself properly, the reason is as you will see below. I am a female, aged 26 plus. I was a top shot as an undergraduate student in Nigeria currently doing my Masters in Power Engineering abroad, I have more that average looks (so you won't say its lack of opportunity) and I have never had sex (in any of its forms) all because I believe in the sanctity of marriage.

A long time ago, I made up my mind sex has to wait for marriage, but if paraventure I find out my husband is cheating on me, that is the day he declared that marriage an open marriage. Reading that thread, I am consolidating my plan. All I will do is lay in wait and get concrete evidences with dates attached to the clips so he can't deny he didn't open that door. We will both be passing through it freely.

Yes, I'm not holding back virginity to impress him or anybody for that matter, I simply want to obey God. But if he, (my husband), has to respect that decision. If he decides to cheat, hehehe, I will show him that what is good for the geese is also good for the gander. Period!

See, I'm not ready to leave my marriage for anyone, kpatakpata he will be the one to run not me. I'm not ready for any drama or tears or sucidev episodes etc. We will simply drift drift into open marriage and I will really make up for all my long wait.

I have started preparing myself for whatever dieases we both have to share and die in. You can't cheat on me and still put me in emotional trauma, mbanu!

All in all, I pray God to give me a man that values marriage and is ready to keep his vows till death do us path. He will be the happiest man on earth because I'm gonna live for him.

Sorry if my post offends you, just venting.

Avalon316:
The problem is that you still don't understand my initial post. I never said men should cheat or have any reason to cheat.
I just pointed out that threads like this will encourage cheating. Two wrongs will only kill whatever is left of the marriage.
If it ever become a game to see who will win(husbands vs wives), the men will outclass the women in the dirty game.

period.

Babymama1:
The best way is to pick the right man prayerfully and open your eyes and weed off some of these men at courtship
That is my primarily advise and of course don't marry a man you barely know
Most of what we read here are women trying to fix what they already knew from the onset or those who married men they never courted a while
If your man was running around on you while you dated,he will do same at marriage
If he pushed and shoved you while dating and scared you will yellings
He will beat you black and blue in marriage
That one is a sure banker

DollyParton1:
I always say it, an abusive or cheating partner must have exhibited some of the traits during courtship. Most people are just too blinded by love to notice or too desperate for marriage to think deeply. Or some are foolish enough to think the other one will change.

Floodgater:
It couldnt have been captured better than this.
In that "politician ashawo cheating thread and similar threads" they remained in their holes but if the OP opens a thread and say divorce cheating husbands, they will creep out of their holes to say she is the worse adviser, including the ugly one that always end with "radio" looking for young girls he thinks he can flex muscle with because he is flexing muscle with the over 20years younger naive girl he married.
Now Op says stay and cheat back, they are asking what happened to divorced.
Surely women are stepping up only that women are also the ones slowing the pace. I wont be surprised if the statement "cheating is in the DNA of a man" was first said by a Nigerian woman.

Zi:
Babymama, lemme talk to you.

I read that thread in awe and fear. Because more or less I was putting myself in the ladies shoes as I read along.

Pls permit me to introduce myself properly, the reason is as you will see below. I am a female, aged 26 plus. I was a top shot as an undergraduate student in Nigeria currently doing my Masters in Power Engineering abroad, I have more that average looks (so you won't say its lack of opportunity) and I have never had sex (in any of its forms) all because I believe in the sanctity of marriage.

A long time ago, I made up my mind sex has to wait for marriage, but if paraventure I find out my husband is cheating on me, that is the day he declared that marriage an open marriage. Reading that thread, I am consolidating my plan. All I will do is lay in wait and get concrete evidences with dates attached to the clips so he can't deny he didn't open that door. We will both be passing through it freely.

Yes, I'm not holding back virginity to impress him or anybody for that matter, I simply want to obey God. But if he, (my husband), has to respect that decision. If he decides to cheat, hehehe, I will show him that what is good for the geese is also good for the gander. Period!

See, I'm not ready to leave my marriage for anyone, kpatakpata he will be the one to run not me. I'm not ready for any drama or tears or sucidev episodes etc. We will simply drift drift into open marriage and I will really make up for all my long wait.

I have started preparing myself for whatever dieases we both have to share and die in. You can't cheat on me and still put me in emotional trauma, mbanu!

All in all, I pray God to give me a man that values marriage and is ready to keep his vows till death do us path. He will be the happiest man on earth because I'm gonna live for him.

Sorry if my post offends you, just venting.