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Ladies Talk To Me - Family - Nairaland

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My Husband Wont Talk To Me / . / Im Unhappy, I Need Someone To Talk To (2) (3) (4)

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Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 11:09pm On Jun 03, 2015
Is there a part of you that wants to tell all these heartbroken posters with cheating husband to go out there and cheat back if they so wish maybe it will help ease their pain.
Imagine a poster seeing evidence of 15 girls her husband is sleeping with and paying money afterwards, basically a man patronizing prostitutes without remorse ,some even do it openly and dare the wife to leave if she wants and the wives are crying their eyes out and some attempting suicide like we just read,some staying because of the kids,miserable because society expects her to accept it.
My natural side wishes these ladies could just go and find one good bodied man their age to give her a good time
But that would be sinful abi?
But he doesn't care about the sin and she has to?
It's so annoying to read these posts about men who think it is their God given right to treat a wife this badly.
The other lady on my thread,found explicit texts between her born again husband and his babe describing what they do to each other and I asked her to tell her pastor since they are very involved in church and the MOG warned her never to look at his phone
It's like a good ole boys club where they cover for each other
Even in the house of God

And the advice people give
Pray for him
Fast for him
God will see you through
Contend for your marriage
It's a man's world
Be a good wife
Nonsense!

I feel like saying go out and look for a man with a bigger blokoss than your husband and just do it and get the anger off your system
Sheesh!
This is babymama just venting .
So annoying to read these things
A 27 year old in her prime,married to a 40 year old man that is treating her like crap when there are tons of men out there who could give her the exact same things her husband is sharing to everyone and be discreet about it too.
Very very annoying to read

14 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by elantraceey(f): 11:21pm On Jun 03, 2015
Yes , its extremely annoying but I prefer to leave the marriage with my kids than to cheat back , that's something I know I can't just face.

11 Likes 1 Share

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 11:26pm On Jun 03, 2015
Leaving d marriage is far beta than cheating on him.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 11:27pm On Jun 03, 2015
elantraceey:
Yes , its extremely annoying but I prefer to leave the marriage with my kids than to cheat back , that's something I know I can't just face.

I know women that say that if their husband ever cheats they will definitely cheat back
I now know where they are coming from
The pain in that young girl's voice is heartbreaking
You save yourself for marriage,have two kids less than a year apart by CS like she did and this is how you are paid back?
With an ashawo man that will even put your life in danger in the process?

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 11:29pm On Jun 03, 2015
yawnsssssss undecided undecided

9 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by raumdeuter: 11:34pm On Jun 03, 2015
She can go ahead and do anything to get even. The husband got the first strike she reserves the right to do anything that makes her feel better as long as it's not criminal suicide or murder

14 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 11:38pm On Jun 03, 2015
raumdeuter:
She can go ahead and do anything to get even. The husband got the first strike she reserves the right to do anything that makes her feel better as long as it's not criminal suicide or murder

That is the word I was looking for
Getting even
There is a part of us all that just wants to get even to make the other person feel the pain we felt when we were hurt
It's just human nature

Like a mother who gets tired of little jimmy coming home week after week crying and complaining of another kid slapping them
At some point even the best of mothers will yell at little Jimmy and ask why he can't slap his fellow 6 year old back

2 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 11:43pm On Jun 03, 2015
Ivygold2:
Leaving d marriage is far beta than cheating on him.

In the nigerian society ,do you know many of these women will lose the kids to the man if they choose to leave
That's why many stay
They are stuck in there with the backward society we are from
It's either they walk away empty handed or stay because of their kids and have all their sense of worth washed away
Who wants to leave children they carried in their womb and walk away?
When a man knows you are stuck,he is now free to do whatever he chooses to do with impunity and that is where many of those women are

4 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by KissesandWine(f): 11:49pm On Jun 03, 2015
See.. I've never been married but I've been in relationships.
I was in one where through Facebook, I caught the guy cheating. I'm afraid to say this.. but it is becoming apparent that the majority of men cheat. Why men cannot be faithful to their women is beyond me. But it is the sad reality and I'm not about to devise a formula to stop them from straying. Aint nobody got time fo that. Instead of wallowing over it, I think we would be doing ourselves a great service by finding a way to work around it.

Last time I was home, my mum drew my ears to tell me the following:

- Never hinge your happiness on your relationship with a man. Whether you're just seeing each other, whether the relationship is full-blown and you guys are now engaged, or whether you guys are married.. you have to learn to seek happiness outside of what the man has to offer emotionally. If you make your husband your primary source of happiness.. you are just one dose of reality away from a heart attack. As much as you may claim to know your significant other more than than the back of hands.. he is still human. A mere mortal. Therefore, like you and I, he has that predisposition to be unpredictable. To err. To disappoint sometimes.

Don't let the tables turn before you start preparing. Enter into your relationships armed so that you won't be floored when you start seeing signs. Give yourself something else to focus on. If you have kids.. focus on them. Invest your time in them. They should come first before your man (yes, I said it!). If you have hobbies that make you happy.. drown yourself in them. If you like makeup, honey, doll that face up if it makes you happy. Exercise. Keep in Shape. Cook your favorite meals and make it seem like it was his idea to begin with.

You'll find that before you're done with all of these, you won't even have time to spend thinking of what your man may or may not be doing. This is not me saying that you should be disrespectful to your husband. Do what is expected of you.. perform your wifely duties etc. Just don't make him the center of your life. If your man is cheating.. you're obviously not at the core of his either. The happiness you find in yourself will eventually radiate and keep everyone - including your husband- happy.

31 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 11:56pm On Jun 03, 2015
KissesandWine:
See.. I've never been married but I've been in relationships.
I was in one where through Facebook, I caught the guy cheating. I'm afraid to say this.. but it is becoming apparent that the majority of men cheat. Why men cannot be faithful to their women is beyond me. But it is the sad reality and I'm not about to figure out a formula to stop them for straying. Aint nobody got time fo that. Instead of wallowing over it, I think we would be doing ourselves a great service by finding a way to work around it.

Last time I was home, my mum drew my ears to tell me the following:

- Never hinge your happiness on your relationship with a man. Whether you're just seeing each other, whether the relationship is full-blown and you guys are now engaged, or whether you guys are married.. you have to learn to seek happiness outside of what the man has to offer emotionally. If you make your husband your primary source of happiness.. you are just one dose of reality away from a heart attack. As much as you may claim to know your significant other more than than the back of hands.. he is still human. A mere mortal. Therefore, like you and I, he has that predisposition to be unpredictable. To err. To disappoint sometimes.

Don't let the tables turn before you start preparing. Enter into your relationships armed so that you won't be floored when you start seeing signs. Give yourself something else to focus on. If you have kids.. focus on them. Invest your time in them. They should come first before your man (yes, I said it!). If you have hobbies that make you happy.. drown yourself in them. If you like makeup, honey, doll that face up if it makes you happy. Exercise. Keep in Shape. Cook your favorite meals and make it seem like it was his idea to begin with.

You'll find that before you're done with all of these, you won't even have time to spend thinking of what your man may or may not be doing. This is not me saying that you should be disrespectful to your husband. Do what is expected of you.. perform your wifely duties etc. Just don't make him the center of your life. If your man is cheating.. you're obviously not at the core of his either. The happiness you find in yourself will eventually radiate and keep everyone - including your husband- happy.

Your mother spoke to you words of wisdom
She is not saying don't love and cherish your man
She is advising you to do all of that and then some
get a career going,Keep friends,socialize with people,be it women's group, church,old girls association,college alumni group etc
Have a life outside being a wife and a mother
It's very essential
You don't lose the essence of who you are
See how the man is going out for political meetings and socials,organizing ndi ashawo and having "good time" meanwhile wife is at home babysitting kids and waiting for the center of her life to come home and make her happy.

9 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by BABE3: 11:57pm On Jun 03, 2015
Babymama1:
Is there a part of you that wants to tell all these heartbroken posters with cheating husband to go out there and cheat back if they so wish maybe it will help ease their pain.
Imagine a poster seeing evidence of 15 girls her husband is sleeping with and paying money afterwards, basically a man patronizing prostitutes without remorse ,some even do it openly and dare the wife to leave if she wants and the wives are crying their eyes out and some attempting suicide like we just read,some staying because of the kids,miserable because society expects her to accept it.
My natural side wishes these ladies could just go and find one good bodied man their age to give her a good time
But that would be sinful abi?
But he doesn't care about the sin and she has to?
It's so annoying to read these posts about men who think it is their God given right to treat a wife this badly.
The other lady found explicit texts between her born again husband and his babe describing what they do to each other and I asked her to tell her pastor since they are very involved in church and the MOG warned her never to look at his phone
It's like a good ole boys club where they cover for each other
Even in the house of God

And the advice people give
Pray for him
Fast for him
God will see you through
Contend for your marriage
It's a man's world
Be a good wife
Nonsense!

I feel like saying go out and look for a man with a bigger blokoss than your husband and just do it and get the anger off your system
Sheesh!
This is babymama just venting .
So annoying to read these things
A 27 year old in her prime,married to a 40 year old man that is treating her like crap when there are tons of men out there who could give her the exact same things her husband is sharing to everyone and be discreet about it too.
Very very annoying to read

if it's a regular relationship with no kids involved, I'd advice anyone with a cheating partner to leave the relationship.

But if it's a marriage she's still interested in, with kids involved, and he's very remorseful but she still finds it hard to forgive, I'd advise her to cheat back. The idea of "getting even" eases the pain of betrayal, which is better for everyone in the long one.

The problem is, he must never find out she cheated. Ever! Coz if he does, the focus will shift from him to her.

10 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 12:02am On Jun 04, 2015
BABE3:


if it's a regular relationship with no kids involved, I'd advice anyone with a cheating partner to leave the relationship.

But if it's a marriage she's still interested in, with kids involved, and he's very remorseful but she still finds it hard to forgive, I'd advise her to cheat back. The idea of "getting even" eases the pain of betrayal, which is better for everyone in the long one.

The problem is, he must never find out he cheated. Ever! Coz if he does, the focus will shift from him to her.

I thought I was the only having these sort of thoughts LOL
God forgive me but this is getting annoying to read
I nearly wrote this on the thread regarding the girl with ashawo husband but I resisted
I wonder if any of these women did this to get even and felt better in the long run
I wish they could come here and talk about it

1 Like

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by BABE3: 12:06am On Jun 04, 2015
Babymama1:


I thought I was the only having these sort of thoughts
God forgive me but this is getting annoying to read
I nearly wrote this on the thread regarding the girl with ashawo husband but I resisted

but then again, what did we expect from a rich nigerian politician?

Marrying a rich man has his disadvantages, abi what do you think ?

#in my realistic mode today.
Re: Ladies Talk To Me by KissesandWine(f): 12:07am On Jun 04, 2015
BABE3:


if it's a regular relationship with no kids involved, I'd advice anyone with a cheating partner to leave the relationship.

But if it's a marriage she's still interested in, with kids involved, and he's very remorseful but she still finds it hard to forgive, I'd advise her to cheat back. The idea of "getting even" eases the pain of betrayal, which is better for everyone in the long one.

The problem is, he must never find out she cheated. Ever! Coz if he does, the focus will shift from him to her.


Yeah.. but chances are that he will find out. And when he does, that relationship is pretty much over. It will take the grace of God to revive it. I wouldn't advise this. Two wrongs don't make a right oh.

2 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 12:07am On Jun 04, 2015
BABE3:


but then again, what did we expect from a rich nigerian politician?

Marrying a rich man has his disadvantages, abi what do you think ?

#in my realistic mode today.

But why should that be so
Why should being rich become synonymous with promiscuity?
I like being real
I don't care what anyone says,in their heart of hearts they know it makes sense ,they can argue it is sinful,I agree but it makes a whole lot of sense,that part they can't deny.
Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 12:11am On Jun 04, 2015
KissesandWine:



Yeah.. but chances are that he will find out. And when he does, that relationship is pretty much over. It will take the grace of God to revive it. I wouldn't advise this. Two wrongs don't make a right oh.

How will he find out?
Is he a spirit?
What if there are no chances he will
What makes you think men can cheat and hide their affairs and women can't
Women are less intelligent or what

4 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by KissesandWine(f): 12:17am On Jun 04, 2015
Babymama1:


How will he find out?
Is he a spirit?
What if there are no chances he will
What makes you think men can cheat and hide their affairs and women can't
Women are less intelligent or what

Ha! Getting caught cheating is not exactly a function of how intelligent one is. I mean.. chances are your husband has multiple external escapades. If you were to cheat every time he did.. at some point you will get caught. These things happen. The secret will be out of the bag before you know it.
Re: Ladies Talk To Me by BABE3: 12:18am On Jun 04, 2015
Babymama1:


But why should that be so
Why should being rich become synonymous with promiscuity?
I like being real
I don't care what anyone says,in their heart of hearts they know it makes sense ,they can argue it is sinful,I agree but it makes a whole lot of sense,that part they can't deny.

what I'm saying is, rich/famous men and celebrities are more liable to cheat than regular people.

Look at it this way,

-an ordinary man will have to go out of his way to toast girls before he cheats (in most cases).

- a rich man however, even if he doesn't want to cheat, women will run after him. How long before he falls into the temptation?

I'm not justifying cheating, but it's less shocking to me when I hear of a rich man cheating.

Don't lemme derail.

2 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 12:21am On Jun 04, 2015
KissesandWine:


Ha! Getting caught cheating is not exactly a function of how intelligent one is. I mean.. chances are your husband has multiple external escapades. If you were to cheat every time he did.. at some point you will get caught. These things happen. The secret will be out of the bag before you know it.

In this case we said just doing it once or twice sef ( what the heck) grin to get even in your mind not sleeping around
I won't even accuse the woman in that position of cheating as a matter of fact

1 Like

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by BABE3: 12:23am On Jun 04, 2015
KissesandWine:



Yeah.. but chances are that he will find out. And when he does, that relationship is pretty much over. It will take the grace of God to revive it. I wouldn't advise this. Two wrongs don't make a right oh.

He doesn't have to find out if she's not sloppy. I'm not asking her to have an affair o. This is a one-night-stand type of thing. Just sèx, no emotions involved. She wouldn't do it with a gateman or brother-in-law. That'll be very dumb


It has to be someone she hardly even knows. Someone out of state, never to be seen again. No phone numbers. No strings attached.
She has to be strong too. Not that she'll now go back home and confess her sins. undecided

Again, if she's done with the marriage, there's no need getting even.

2 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 12:25am On Jun 04, 2015
BABE3:


He doesn't have to find out if she's not sloppy. I'm not asking her to have an affair o. This is a one-night-stand type of thing. Just sèx, no emotions involved. She wouldn't do it with a gateman or brother-in-law. That'll be very dumb


It has to be someone she hardly even knows. No strings attached.
She has to be strong too. Not that she'll now go back home and confess her sins. undecided

Again, if she's done with the marriage, there's no need getting even.




And if she still doesn't feel better,she can go back and redo it
Bwahahahahaha
This is funny grin grin

But honestly when you hear these stories you feel so helpless
How can I say pray when the woman has been praying for years
Ask her to leave and the man and his family seize her kids
Some sef,the man won't even touch them anymore while they remain there,he is getting all his fun outside
And yet she is expected to just stay there abi?

2 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by KissesandWine(f): 12:27am On Jun 04, 2015
BABE3:


He doesn't have to find out if she's not sloppy. I'm not asking her to have an affair o. This is a one-night-stand type of thing. Just sèx, no emotions involved. She wouldn't do it with a gateman or brother-in-law. That'll be very dumb


It has to be someone she hardly even knows. Someone out of state, never to be seen again. No phone numbers. No strings attached.
She has to be strong too. Not that she'll now go back home and confess her sins. undecided

Again, if she's done with the marriage, there's no need getting even.





Yeah.. as long as she's sharp about the whole thing she should be good. These men need a taste of what they dish out from time to time. angry

5 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by BABE3: 12:28am On Jun 04, 2015
Babymama1:


And if she still doesn't feel better,she can go back and redo it
Bwahahahahaha
This is funny

ha! grin Abeg o. If she doesn't feel better then whatever happens to her afterwards is her business.

The guy she chooses can't be too fine. I don't want her getting addicted.

2 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 12:29am On Jun 04, 2015
KissesandWine:



Yeah.. as long as she's sharp about the whole thing she should be good. These men need a taste of what they dish out from time to time. angry

Now you understand the point we were making
Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 12:30am On Jun 04, 2015
BABE3:


ha! grin Abeg o. If she doesn't feel better then whatever happens to her afterwards is her business.

The guy she chooses can't be too fine. I don't want her getting addicted.

You don't want her getting dickmatized
Re: Ladies Talk To Me by KissesandWine(f): 12:32am On Jun 04, 2015
Two of my aunts contracted HIV from their husbands because the men were busy frolicking and sowing their wild oats while the woman were at home raising their kids and building their own careers. Both men are dead now... but last I heard, one of the women is not particularly doing well. She's now one-fifth the size she used to be. She fit even wear my jeans now sef.

Men ehn.. necessary evils that aren't so necessary anymore.
Re: Ladies Talk To Me by Nobody: 12:35am On Jun 04, 2015
KissesandWine:
Two of my aunts contracted HIV from their husbands because the men were busy frolicking and sowing their wild oats while the woman were at home raising their kids and building their own careers. Both men are dead now... but last I heard, one of the women is not particularly doing well. She's now one-fifth the size she used to be. She fit even wear my jeans now sef.

Men ehn.. necessary evils that aren't so necessary anymore.

And this is the story of a lot of women
Visit any FMC In Nigeria and see young wives dying of AIDS,passed on to them by husbands
And yet these eediots on this forum will keep advising these women to stay and accuse anyone that advises them to leave of breaking up a happy home
I wonder their definition of happy
Many of those happy women are happily in their graves.

12 Likes

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by KissesandWine(f): 12:40am On Jun 04, 2015
Babymama1:


And this is the story of a lot of women
Visit any FMC. In Nigeria and see young wives dying of AIDS,passed on to them by husbands
And yet these eediots on this forum will keep advising these women to stay and accuse anyone that advises them to leave of breaking up a happy home
I wonder their definition of happy
Many of those happy women are happily in their graves.

I've sat down to think of what I'd do if I were to find myself in this situation when I get married. I mean.. what's a woman to do when she find's out her husband is a cheat? Is she supposed to insist that they use protection every time for fear of catching something she didn't bargain to catch? Seems logical to me, but also seems ridiculous in the confines of marriage. if people would just respect the sanctity of marriage we wouldn't even be having this conversation. It's just crazy, really!

1 Like

Re: Ladies Talk To Me by cococandy(f): 12:53am On Jun 04, 2015
Even you grin
BABE3:


if it's a regular relationship with no kids involved, I'd advice anyone with a cheating partner to leave the relationship.

But if it's a marriage she's still interested in, with kids involved, and he's very remorseful but she still finds it hard to forgive, I'd advise her to cheat back. The idea of "getting even" eases the pain of betrayal, which is better for everyone in the long one.

The problem is, he must never find out she cheated. Ever! Coz if he does, the focus will shift from him to her.
Re: Ladies Talk To Me by cococandy(f): 12:55am On Jun 04, 2015
Did they hack your account? grin
BABE3:


He doesn't have to find out if she's not sloppy. I'm not asking her to have an affair o. This is a one-night-stand type of thing. Just sèx, no emotions involved. She wouldn't do it with a gateman or brother-in-law. That'll be very dumb


It has to be someone she hardly even knows. Someone out of state, never to be seen again. No phone numbers. No strings attached.
She has to be strong too. Not that she'll now go back home and confess her sins. undecided

Again, if she's done with the marriage, there's no need getting even.



Re: Ladies Talk To Me by BABE3: 12:59am On Jun 04, 2015
cococandy:
Did they hack your account? grin

as I was typing that, I knew someone from that "wives keep your mouth shut" thread will call me out. grin

You know what they say about expections to rules ? Yeah, you garrit. cheesy

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