₦airaland Forum

freecocoa:
Gross insurbodination for that matter o.

You can't even tell anyone your husband raped you, the question will be "how can he rape you when he owns you"

coogar:
i agree with every sentence in that article - it was well written & it captured what is happening to the majority. the major problem is the bride price - if it gets scrapped, women would hold more value and would not be considered properties.

coogar:
the size of your foolishness if measured in wattage would solve all the electricity problems in the developing countries. there's no marital rape in nigeria, stop arguing like a semi-illiterate.



it could be rape!
she cannot say no because she has been told by the church, her parents & the society at large never to say no to her hubby.

deep down, she would rather not have sex during that period but can she even bring herself to open her mouth that she doesn't want sëx?

coogar:
lemme go & read it....



that's the point!
if they don't see it as räpe, how would they report it or tell anyone? women have been conditioned to please their husbands by any means necessary. not giving him sëx when he wants constitutes insurbodination.

Timbuktou:
I would rather not go to work sometimes, but I do anyway. Am I being forced by my clients? Women make financial demands from husbands all the time, which some men think they cannot decline and don't. Are these women thieves?

Perhaps, they should be educated on the need to speak up when they don't want to get laid.

Narrating how her husband daily violates her, Ayofemi told the customary court at Alakuko, Lagos, that, “he doesn’t care if I am on or not, tired or not feeling fine. All he wants, is to have his way whenever he feels like it. I am tired and want a divorce” showing the tell tale signs of wounds and scars she received from her struggles with her husband in his attempts to have sex with her against her will.

Although the marriage was dissolved but members of the jury didn’t hide their unease with the word, violate, Ayofemi used in describing lovemaking between her and the husband. According to members of the jury, “a married woman has no right to deny her husband sex, at least not often to make the man get violent. It is painful that many young women are getting this thing called civilization all wrong.”

Though members of the public present in the court room laughed over the matter, with each person’s expression betraying his or her position on this sensitive subject, but the fundamental questions are, can a man rape his wife? At what point can a woman accuse her husband of raping her? What does our law and religious books say about sex in a marriage?

Going by the common definition of rape, which is forcefully having carnal knowledge of a woman by a man, can a man’s quest to have sex with his wife against her will, mean rape?
There is no doubting the fact that this topic will elicit mixed reactions both from men and women.

This is what our Senior Reporter, Anthonia Soyingbe went to town to find out.

It is a definite yes, according to Amaka Okorafor, whose marriage is just seven months old. I don’t care what anybody says, “my husband daily rapes me because each time he comes to me, irrespective of my willingness, he destroys my self esteem. He desires love making in very different ways from what I have been used to. He takes joy in rough handling me. He likes to bang my head against the bed, bite me and generally wants me to suffer physical injuries all the time,” she states.

She is not alone. Gloria Glory endured marital rape for 15 years. Sharing her experiences, she says, [b]“It took me years, to get past it to the point I could forgive. I did forgive years after the divorce. I think it was only then, I truly got past the triggers, flashbacks and dreams where I would wake up crying. It is rape if you don’t consent to it and marriage has nothing to do with it. I am talking about becoming emotionally violent when he didn’t get his way. I am talking about refusing to speak to me for days until he got his way. I am talking about being extremely mean to the kids until he got his way. Men learn quickly that women will do almost anything to protect their children, even sacrifice themselves. I am talking about withholding money until he got his way. I am talking about punishing me or the kids in any way he could until he got his way. I am talking about making me feel worthless for not meeting his wants. I am talking about expecting that it was my job to be the commercial sex worker in the pornographic movies whenever and in whatever way he wanted it. It took me so many years to understand what was wrong. I violated many of my principles for him, because he demanded it. And then I feel so guilty about it being my fault. Looking back, most times, I feel so worthless for the things I let him do to me. It’s horrible to feel more like a prostitute than a wife”[/b]

Sexual abuse in marriage is a tough thing to judge and most men who offered to speak with Daily Independent say that there is nothing like marital rape.

Idowu Sogelola, an engineer and managing director of Rock Associates, insists that marital rape doesn’t exist. “When does sex in marriage become rape? The Bible states that a woman doesn’t own her body and vice versa. Sex in marriage becomes rape when couples don’t have any relationship and when there are elements of violence. Spousal rape is Western culture and has no scriptural backing. Sex is an extension of love in marriage and one of the cores of marriage is conjugal love. If there is no sex in marriage; that means the essence of marriage is broken down. When we are talking about some issues, we should look at it from the cultural and scriptural angles,” he states.

Andrew Ogene, not real name, is an auditor in a Lagos-based private firm. When this reporter asked his opinion on sexual violence in marriage, annoyed at the question, he insists, “there is nothing called marital rape. How do you explain that? That is just not possible! The day she refuses my advances is the day I throw her out of my house. Is she crazy? There are so many women out there who can satisfy my sexual urge. If she refuses, I won’t only throw her out, I will go and to bring another woman into my home. This is Nigeria and not America. Let us put all forms of sentiments aside; why did I marry her in the first place? If she can’t satisfy my sexual urges anytime I need her, then let her return to her father’s house or go to a convent because I am not a celibate."

Rape, according to Kayode Salako of Change Agent of Nigeria Network, is forcefully having canal knowledge of a woman without her consent. “Going by this definition, a man who uses force to have sex with his wife has raped her, since it is an act of sleeping with her against her consent. In some of our cultures, it is regarded as the man’s right to have sex with his wife anytime and anyhow irrespective of how the wife feels. But in the Western world, such an act would be termed, rape. Men who force their wives to bed in the Western culture and under our constitution, are raping them.” According to Salako, the issue is not generating so much attention because many women don’t come out to report their husbands to avoid public condemnation.

“It is a pity that we adopt everything Western, including their laws but, shy away from the challenges that go with such laws. Most men maltreat their wives in all ways but, because the society frowns at divorce and separation, the women keep enduring the situation until they either get killed or can’t take it anymore. There is no other name for marital rape, than violence. What do you call it when a woman starts crying and cursing her husband after sex? Often times, this is as a result of marital rape. You rape a woman when you have carnal knowledge of her without her consent and that is violence against her right to say no to sex when she doesn’t want it.”

Kennie Okeowo, like Ogene is of the opinion that spousal rape only exists in the Western world as he argues that a husband can’t rape his wife. ” I don’t believe a man can rape his wife in this part of the world, such ridiculous ideas are for the Western world. The man or the woman can’t claim rape since the two have become one. African men don’t rape their wives,” he adds.

Janet Emirien, a marriage counselor describes as being unfortunate, some of the things men demand of their wives all in the name of sex. “Most men strip their wives of all the values of their womanhood simply because they want to have sex. It is unfortunate what some men make their wives do,” she adds.

Speaking further, she states that most women are unaware of rights even in their marriages. It takes two willing minds to get the best results from sex whether in or outside marriage. It is simply about consent from both parties. It is conjugal affection and both of them must show affection towards it.”

SAMBARRY:
Coogar you're still ranting nonsense as usual Roftl



funlord is that cartoon picture my own sister you're pushing


anyway I am not surprised charity begin s from home. Hehe

SAMBARRY:
Coogar you're still ranting nonsense as usual Roftl



funlord is that cartoon picture my own sister you're pushing


anyway I am not surprised charity begin s from home. Hehe

SAMBARRY:
In other words women are married to become sex machines. If that's the case I am seriously enjoying

Timbuktou:
If she has sex because she thinks it's an unshirkable duty, that's not rape. If, however, despite her open show of disinterest, the man has his way that's rape.

In the first instance, she didn't show lack of consent.

coogar:
the laws should be updated....
which makes me wonder - what are the so called female politicians doing to the plight of women in nigeria?

freecocoa:
Seems you didn't read me well, it was forced, she said she was tired and he forced his way, how else does one show "lack of consent"?

Timbuktou:
Huh? Freecocoa, where do you live? We don't subscribe to such barbarism where I'm from. Come to Lagos, I'll introduce you to men that don't even talk, not to talk of raising their voices. Please, leave that location.

freecocoa:
I honestly don't know what they are doing, I guess it all boils down to the men still marginalising women, abi you think being a politician is where it ends? sexism still persists.

funlord:


No its not "DAME sambarry!" It is actually a caricature of 2 fictional but popular cartoon comic characters called "superman and wonder woman" depicting the style of "written slap" you had received on the post!

If only your childhood had not been characterised by "low rations,squalor, extreme poverty, poor diets, lack of adequate home training, ignorance, child rape, _incest, exposure to crime, prostitution and other social vices, then maybe you may have developed into a fully cultured and knowledgeable lady and then would have had an idea of "who and what" they both are and represent!

But unfortunately you have been left to spawn into a "local, brash, rant obsessed, mentally impaired zelda like creature that refuses to quit acting like a court jester in public!" Kindly swerve onto oncoming traffic, you would be of more benefit to the earth if you end up as "road kill for wild animals to devour!" Speaking of "charity beginning at home", I don't think your present location under the oshodi bye pass bridge qualifies as a home! Your daughter deserves better please!

Toodles!

Timbuktou:
That's obviously rape na, abi wetin again? Doesn't mean it's widespread, though.

funlord:


No its not "DAME sambarry!" It is actually a caricature of 2 fictional but popular cartoon comic characters called "superman and wonder woman" depicting the style of "written slap" you had received on the post!

If only your childhood had not been characterised by "low rations,squalor, extreme poverty, poor diets, lack of adequate home training, ignorance, child rape, _incest, exposure to crime, prostitution and other social vices, then maybe you may have developed into a fully cultured and knowledgeable lady and then would have had an idea of "who and what" they both are and represent!

But unfortunately you have been left to spawn into a "local, brash, rant obsessed, mentally impaired zelda like creature that refuses to quit acting like a court jester in public!" Kindly swerve onto oncoming traffic, you would be of more benefit to the earth if you end up as "road kill for wild animals to devour!" Speaking of "charity beginning at home", I don't think your present location under the oshodi bye pass bridge qualifies as a home! Your daughter deserves better please!

Toodles!

coogar:
what about nigerian wives who don't make unreasonable financial demands from their wives, should they be forced to have sex when they don't want it?



they wouldn't - the society plus her own parents have told her to always be ready for sex when the husband demands it. i think it's unfair.

see this other article.....


timbuktou, after reading this - you have to admit marital rape is an epidemic in nigeria.

coogar:
[img]http://media./media/eX6FfjlQ8c2eQ/giphy.gif[/img]

coogar:
[img]http://media./media/eX6FfjlQ8c2eQ/giphy.gif[/img]

funlord:


No its not "DAME sambarry!" It is actually a caricature of 2 fictional but popular cartoon comic characters called "superman and wonder woman" depicting the style of "written slap" you had received on the post!

If only your childhood had not been characterised by "low rations,squalor, extreme poverty, poor diets, lack of adequate home training, ignorance, child rape, _incest, exposure to crime, prostitution and other social vices, then maybe you may have developed into a fully cultured and knowledgeable lady and then would have had an idea of "who and what" they both are and represent!

But unfortunately you have been left to spawn into a "local, brash, rant obsessed, mentally impaired zelda like creature that refuses to quit acting like a court jester in public!" Kindly swerve onto oncoming traffic, you would be of more benefit to the earth if you end up as "road kill for wild animals to devour!" Speaking of "charity beginning at home", I don't think your present location under the oshodi bye pass bridge qualifies as a home! Your daughter deserves better please!

Toodles!

coogar:
so female politicians cannot speak out to help nigerian women deal with the violent crimes they undergo everyday?

at what point would women start taking responsibility? are you aware if all the women in nigeria unite together to produce a female president, they would succeed?

freecocoa:
Leave talk abeg, most of the barbaric things we read here everyday happens mostly in Lagos so what are you saying?

Timbuktou:
Coogar, I never said wives who made unreasonable demands deserve to be raped o. I'm just saying making unreasonable demands isn't the same as theft, also making unreasonable sexual demands isn't the same as rape.

My father taught me to leave at first no. I'm sure my mom who have indoctrinated my sister along the lines of a healthy self-esteem.

The woman that showed bruises, were they bruises from a fight or from violent rape, let's be analytic here. Anybody can say anything to tilt a judgement in their favour, most of all, women.

Anybody who says marital rape is non-existent because of bible or law is an ass that should be shot.

Still, I decline to agree at the prevalence of marital rape in Nigeria. Thank you.

freecocoa:
You go first ask yourself, whether these women even believe it is normal for a woman to be president. It is something still considered taboo around here.

Forget the internet, Nigeria is still very backward on matters like this.

When I try to even talk to some women on women empowerment, the response I get is saddening "babe leave o, we are in Nigeria, unless you don't want to get married bla bla bla"

Sometimes I even think, the women themselves don't want a change, many Nigerian women are intellectually lazy, they fear responsibility like mad, they just want to manage to graduate, get married, have babies and enjoy their husband's money.

freecocoa:
You go first ask yourself, whether these women even believe it is normal for a woman to be president. It is something still considered taboo around here.

Forget the internet, Nigeria is still very backward on matters like this.

When I try to even talk to some women on women empowerment, the response I get is saddening "babe leave o, we are in Nigeria, unless you don't want to get married bla bla bla"

Sometimes I even think, the women themselves don't want a change, many Nigerian women are intellectually lazy, they fear responsibility like mad, they just want to manage to graduate, get married, have babies and enjoy their husband's money.

coogar:
1. so you agree it exists but it's not prevalent?



2.
i agree with this bit 100%

VictoriaBee:
I didn't read that trash but durh, I've heard countless of stories where wives beat her husband.

Timbuktou:
Mbanu, it's only the Lagos cases are the most reported. Lagos is years ahead of any other state in terms of journalistic hustle, what do you expect? While I served in Ebonyi, I met a man who was accused of raing his neighbour's daughter. That story didn't get past the police station, talk less of EBBC.

Lagos is still a haven of peach and roses. . A trial will convince you.

Timbuktou:
I never doubted its existence, just its prevalence.

Oyibo women nko? Are they any better? How many oyibo women marry poorer men, happily?

Timbuktou:
I think the bride price custom was as a result of realities of days of old. A man had all the responsibility in the world to show himself worthy. The success of a male child was the payment to his parents. A girl child, however, had no such reaponsibilities, she was to snag the most eligible bachelor around. Period. And she would do this by being virtuous and all. The bride price was payment to her parents for raising such quality wife material. Therefore, I fail to see the reason for bride price in today's Nigeria; the girls have had like 15 deecks before marriage, they can't cook and are mostly lazy. When I was in school and NYSC, I cooked far better than my female colleagues save a tiny few.

However, I think Mr. Ugoji was all over the place trying to reconcile issues and concepts that had no correlation. He may have had good intentions, but the article is too bloody PC for my liking.