₦airaland Forum

aflyingbird:
girl, you're not interested in this guy, stop taking his money, let him go. you're probably giving him false hope and he's too foolish to realize he should move on. it's not by force to date or love someone, he should realize that and u should too. don't think because you're now 29, you gotta settle with someone you're not into

how does he know when you need financial assistance unless you tell him. no need to keep string him along for what u can get out of him

dont say he is foolish to see that he cant win the girl... A girl word can be different from her actions... It depends on the way the girl acts that will keep the guy hoping. Well

jaybee3:
Who Jaybee be oooo

Jaybee3 = Jaybee

of Rokiatu, Onila n co

He's currently being probed because of many NL babes

lady. true love is like death. you don't go looking for it, it comes to everyone when it comes. even if you live in a house built big, strong and heavily guarded. right in there it comes to you. Don't be discourage by the disappointments you may have had in the past. Have and keep faith, live your life and be happy. true love will find you.
And if you know your heart is really not a home to a man you don't love, do not let him go in to stay there. it would be a great mistake.
Take care lady will you

aint we all in this mess, always a reason why we cant get married, but at 29 you should listen to your boyfriend, or you do be looking at 37 in no time,am thinking it cant be coincedence, everywoman wants a fineman whose probably rich and good in b*d, but who ever gives a f*#k what the fineman wants.

Sugardiva:
I don't think that this is what the OP meant. I think she means should she agree to date a guy she has known for more than 2 years who is caring and shows her love but she doesn't feel anything for?

I understand her because sometimes i wonder the same thing. I have a number of 'suitors' who check all the right boxes according to ur list. Have potential, aligned faith, same values etc but no matter how much time I try to spend with them I don't get any feeling. No emotions at all beyond maybe friendship. And I'm not in a serious relationship.

The question is do u go ahead and date someone u have absolutely no feelings for just because he checks all the right boxes and treats u right? Will it work out?

I don't think you can allow emotions develop if you are close minded about something. Emotion gets triggered if only you let it

These suitors of yours, do you usually feel a need to hear from them or be around them at times?

Is it that you aren't attracted to them physically or you are just scared of being hurt hence the reason why you can't seem to allow them into your world.

You know you can go on dates with open mind without actually being physically involved with these dudes

Just be open minded about things and allow yourself see them in a different light

Sweetie am so disappointed with ur mode of reasoning bc u said he is ugly&poor at d same time,are u God?u are considering him right now bc he do assist u financial a bit from his peanut salary, so sorry t say that u are nt yet ready for a relationship,ppl like us dat married a rich,handsome hussy are praying seriously daily for God t deliver our hussy n protect us from HIV,dearie let love lead n 4get abt his appearance&kobo job after all other cute,handsome dudes dat wrestle in ur farm land are no where t b found

Leyqute:
Jaybee3 = Jaybee

of Rokiatu, Onila n co

He's currently being probed because of many NL babes

You got the wrong Jaybee then

what some people are praying for is to find the right man.let me tell u d fact most handsome guys are proud and arrogant.continue to be picky nd wait till u reach menopause.mtshew

proxillin:
I guess why she doesnt like him is because of his 50k job per month. If the guy is loaded, she wont even think he is ugly.

That is an assumption. I don't know why you men think women don't have eyes. Not all women marry any man without taking looks into consideration. Some of us actually want pretty kids you know.

rahymat:
what some people are praying for is to find the right man.let me tell u d fact most handsome guys are proud and arrogant.continue to be picky nd wait till u reach menopause.mtshew

How is that a fact ma'am?

What you see as arrogance/proud could also be seen as impeccable confidence which isn't necessarily a turn off.

I don't believe anyone should lower their standards because they are afraid of menopause or whatever.

Yes you can compromise on standards but it's up to you to decide differentiate between minimum and luxury standards.

jaybee3:
Surely you will frustrate yourself out of the marriage If you marry the wrong one out of desperation

You will almost certainly leave your man if your sole reason for marrying them borders along their financial strength. You need to love someone for whom they are not what they have

BTW: Are you working?

I can almost bet, if you are 25 or above, that your mother didn't even know your father before she got married. Most of our African parents didn't court before they got married, but tell which 'Kadashian marriage' have lasted about half as much as theirs?
The key is humility and trust and obedience and steadfastness. Infatuation is generally mistaken for love. Or bouts of great sex for love. The main recipes for long lasting marriage is the real African way. Forget about all those soap opera love you see on TV, it ends there equally. Forget also about female equality and all that bullshit, it only bring you closer to broken home and teary eyes. Respect whoever is the man that God brings your way. You don't have to love him just yet (like we know how to love sef), just play your role by being the person he would love and see the good in him only. You'd be surprised you'll fall in love faster than you can imagine.

jaybee3:
I don't think you can allow emotions develop if you are close minded about something. Emotion gets triggered if only you let it

These suitors of yours, do you usually feel a need to hear from them or be around them at times?

Is it that you aren't attracted to them physically or you are just scared of being hurt hence the reason why you can't seem to allow them into your world.

You know you can go on dates with open mind without actually being physically involved with these dudes

Just be open minded about things and allow yourself see them in a different light

I am open minded. As a matter of fact there are some I wish I could develop feelings for. They are young, intelligent bla bla bla. If I were simply after money I would have said yes a long time ago cos they are a bit financially stable. But like I said the emotions are not just developing. I put in a lot of effort to spend time with them to try and trigger it but yet nothing. If they don't call me, it takes me 5 days to a week to notice they haven't called. Some of them are just plain boring to put it lightly.

The thing is I've had a great connection with the exes. It usually starts with a deep friendship and then evolves into something more often so quickly that I don't
even know when it happens.

I've known what it feels like to really connect with someone in both my previous relationships. Be the best of friends and companions and have feelings. I am over my exes and am not comparing or expecting anyone to be like them. The only thing that I am confused about is that can this connection and companionship grow with these 'suitors'. Is it right to say yes to someone who does not hold ur attention? And keep waiting to experience connectiin?

Ifebazz:
I can almost bet, if you are 25 or above, that your mother didn't even know your father before she got married. Most of our African parents didn't court before they got married, but tell which 'Kadashian marriage' have lasted about half as much as theirs?
The key is humility and trust and obedience and steadfastness. Infatuation is generally mistaken for love. Or bouts of great sex for love. The main recipes for long lasting marriage is the real African way. Forget about all those soap opera love you see on TV, it ends there equally. Forget also about female equality and all that bullshit, it only bring you closer to broken home and teary eyes. Respect whoever is the man that God brings your way. You don't have to love him just yet (like we know how to love sef), just play your role by being the person he would love and see the good in him only. You'd be surprised you'll fall in love faster than you can imagine.

I'm sure they courted but that's irrelevant. Different times different approach to courtship and getting hitched. No perfect or foolproof way in achieving desired results. You need to understand your circumstances and mold it as you desire in order to achieve set results.

I do know we now live in a diverse world hence the need to embark on the journey with limited external interference. Yes you can use guides but the bottom line is desire and reality should always work in tandem

Money and Good looks? As in..

I guess we'll be having more marriage 'stories that touch' on NL. Always my pleasure to read them anyway.

bellong:
How deep is the shit? What type of shit is it? Is it atomic or AK47 shit... How does it smell? If it is nice smelling shit, it is a good shit and if not, call the services of shit removal, Yorubas call them "agbepo".



Congratulations on your new age... What values did you add to yourself during this relationship hiatus?



To start with, what is your definition for a right man? What is it in those coming to qualify them as wrong?
I hope you were stingy enough not to let everyone that comes your way to be having a feel of your "sweet body"? Between, picture of the sweet body or .....


Abraham Lincoln and Pa Buhari must be this brother's mentors.....


This is maturity. Defining your relationship from onset. Kudos



Yes, you told him, you didn't have that emotional/butterfly thingy feeling for him but what you didn't tell him is the reason why you weren't having it. You should have told him that you never dreamt of being in a relationship with a broke nigga. Your taste in guys is rich and handsome. You can't be proud of him because he is not looking good despite having a good heart. He has failed in all ramifications of your assessment. You only told the poor brother half truth. This is what is called being economical with the truth.

I must say your real problem lies in this paragraph. Your desired qualities in men are parochial and vanity. You are not looking out for something that can last you for a lifetime. Vain beauty and empty pocket... It may be why "providence" is not yet smiling on you. You lack the desired wisdom and skill to identify a good man outside his look and pocket. Before you misinterprete me, I am not saying you should be watching out for a poor person but if your motivation is money, it is the foundation of failure.

A broke guy today with passion, vision and ambition can never be broke forever. If you lack the Eagle's eyes, you can never see potentials in a gold mine. Diamond, Gold and every precious metal does not come shinning until they pass through fire.

My question is, if you call someone broke, why are you broke yourself? I thought some of you ladies are of the opinion that you are not marrying any guy for his money.



In this, it is this guy that I have pity for. He doesn't know why you don't like him. If he suddenly becomes rich tomorrow, I am sure your love will come so strong for the poor dude... The guy likes you and he thinks he can't get someone better than you. It is why he is hopelessly waiting. When I was very much younger and of no experience, I waited endlessly and hopelessly for a girl like this till heavens borrowed me brain...



He knows you will soon become desperate as you approach that age women loathe with passion. He will remind you that your biological clock is ticking and it s good for you to take the option you have before becoming a prayer point in your church or mosque.



You are asking the wrong question. Nobody can tell you who to say yes to but yourself. You never liked this guy and you still don't like him, it is not reasonable saying yes. Love is not emotion but decision. You have decided not to ever love him and there is no point beating a dead bush. Free him and let him find his wife elsewhere. Saying yes will only make his life miserable if situation does not change when you want it.

I plead with you, free the ugly and broke guy please.

I wish you well in your search for an houseband...

GOD BLESS U SIR

Sugardiva:
I am open minded. As a matter of fact there are some I wish I could develop feelings for. They are young, intelligent bla bla bla. If I were simply after money I would have said yes a long time ago cos they are a bit financially stable. But like I said the emotions are not just developing. I put in a lot of effort to spend time with them to try and trigger it but yet nothing. If they don't call me, it takes me 5 days to a week to notice they haven't called. Some of them are just plain boring to put it lightly.

The thing is I've had a great connection with the exes. It usually starts with a deep friendship and then evolves into something more often so quickly that I don't
even know when it happens.

I've known what it feels like to really connect with someone in both my previous relationships. Be the best of friends and companions and have feelings. I am over my exes and am not comparing or expecting anyone to be like them. The only thing that I am confused about is that can this connection and companionship grow with these 'suitors'. Is it right to say yes to someone who does not hold ur attention? And keep waiting to experience connectiin?

Could it be that having quite a few options is actually working negatively in the sense that you can’t seem to narrow your mind and concentration to one or two?

You mentioned some of them being boring, it’s also your responsibility to ensure you stimulate the friendship/relationship as at when it fully develops. Relationship is a two way thing hence the need to be open minded about the end result. It’s not like you are going to invest that much energy when all you had be giving is your free time.

I think you should get to know them more as I’m pretty sure there would be other things about them you had discover if and when you give them the opportunity

I know you have stressed that you aren’t comparing them but we are all human and it’s not unrealistic to expect us to sub cautiously default into comparative analysis. There is a reason why they are exes so let’s try and forget the past and embrace the future

Sister, follow your heart. If you don't want him, you don't want him. But that is not a good one when you cast such aspersions on him. For crying out loud the fact that you don't like his looks does not mean someone even more endowed than you won't accept him. Finally, don't enter into marriage cos of looks, my dear it fades. Tnx

Calling a man ugly and broke , yet still have no integrity to tell him the raw truth is FRAUD... Hian ladies , have some self respect, develop yourself, who says you can't be a breadwinner yourself or there's a manual that said so?

the shallow mentality that marriage will free you from shackles of poverty is the most pauperish believe I've ever heard. All the longthroat attitude won't do you any good but a slap in the end. Good Men don't respect parasitic women.

...

U dn't av feeling 4 him cos he is poor n ugly simple,..so far u can welcome his friendship with u,..dat mean he is presentable 2 some xtent..think about if he is rich n along d line he was sacked,.dat mean ur love 4 him quench totally..or he is handsome n along d line he was involved in fatal accident,.God 4bid bad tin,.dat mean ur love 4 him is gone,.He worst pass Taiye Taiwo @ d beginning of his career?..d clock is ticking,.your taste is high n u failed 2 upgrade urself all dis while,..When d desirable is not available,.d available will bcome desirable,..u nid 2 rethink!

Some ladies will ignorantly or knowingly befriend their "ordained" husband and then marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons and regret all the way... same goes for guys too!

kingssmith:
my current relationship is a similar version of your, i have being on my fiancee for about 4 years now but she only just said yes few weeks ago,am not ugly or poor though.

my advice is get to knowing him better first, i guess that is what my sweetheart did too, because she was seeing me a play boy then according to her, but all tanks to my job that exposes me to crazy and beautiful she couldn't stand such atmosphere.

also can help him correct his current financial status by advising to invest or set his hands on other business. my two cent

...and you are proud to say this and even using it to advice someone SMH for you.

Take it or leave it, that your so-called fiance is only saying YES to you now because all the Mr. Rights she has been waiting for have been disappointing her...and not coming forth...so she now saw you as her last option...and believe me, she may hurt you in future because she is accepting you now out of pity, which is dangerous!

You wooed a girl for 4 years and she only said yes to you after 4years and you are happy about it, gosh!

Guys listen: I am not an expert in woman affairs, but I can boldly tell you all that it takes less than 1minute for a girl or lady to know if you are the kind of man she wants or not...and will take from 1 minute - 1 month (at worst), for a lady to tell you yes. Any girl that delays more than this doesn't like you at all...she isn't feeling you at all...she's only struggling to find something to make her like you while waiting for her dream man to come around and if her kind of man shows up, u are gone, but her dream man doesn't show up, she may just consider you whilst being unhappy inside.

So you better screen that your girlfriend abi fiance well to avoid future regrets.

Guys just be falling their hand....if a girl says NO...common guys, move on cheerfully and work hard to be that Mr. Right they all want and you will be the one laughing and making choice.

No man is born ugly! Every man is handsome and unique...the only problem a man has is MONEY!

Lack of money makes a man look ugly and unlovable...once a man has money, he will be confident and bold...and those are what makes up a man's handsomeness and not just 6 packs!

If you like, have 12 packs, if you aren't financially buoyant, then you are ugly in the eyes of women!

Check all the rich guys in the world whom super-gorgeous ladies are dying to have, are they that physically attractive? NO!

E.g.

Kanye West - married to Kim K
Jay Z- married to Beyonce
Snoop Dogg
Our own Adams Oshiomhole, Obasanjo, Chief Mbanefo married to the most beautiful woman in Nigeria...google her, Taiye Taiwo, Mario Baloteli, etc.


Guys work hard and pray...the only challenge you have to becoming that dream guy most ladies daydream about is financial lack...if you are doing business, do it harder and pray for God's favour and reduce the rate at which u chase ladies to avoid distraction and waste of scarce resources.

If you are working, keep upgrading and gathering experience and also find a way to set up a side business.

If you are into handwork, work hard and pray.

I pray this day for God to bless as many hardworking guys working to make it in life because it is so humiliating what most guys face today in the hands of ladies just because they don't have money, its well guys!

irishCream:
Yeah I'm working but the pay is token.

Don't term it desperation, have been fine all along it just his good nature and persistence that made me have a rethink, I don't belong to the class that rush into lifetime issues just cos every one else is in it.

Pray about it young lady. And let God direct you.

Heidi Klum came to mind.

I do not strongly believe on it will grow later too. if you share that too, I will advice u cut of the relationship as clear as possible. you will never be able to see the other side until you are left a lone in the desert of loneliness which is your true position now. using as a shield once in a while to make u feel u have someone is not the best for you at your age. ur hanging on to him had made u to unconsciously feel that you aren't lonely when in reality you are lonely.

humilitypays:
...and you are proud to say this and even using it to advice someone SMH for you.

Take it or leave it, that your so-called fiance is only saying YES to you now because all the Mr. Rights she has been waiting for have been disappointing her...and not coming forth...so she now saw you as her last option...and believe me, she may hurt you in future because she is accepting you now out of pity, which is dangerous!

You wooed a girl for 4 years and she only said yes to you after 4years and you are happy about it, gosh!

Guys listen: I am not an expert in woman affairs, but I can boldly tell you all that it takes less than 1minute for a girl or lady to know if you are the kind of man she wants or not...and will take from 1 minute - 1 month (at worst), for a lady to tell you yes. Any girl that delays more than this doesn't like you at all...she isn't feeling you at all...she's only struggling to find something to make her like you while waiting for her dream man to come around and if her kind of man shows up, u are gone, but her dream man doesn't show up, she may just consider you whilst being unhappy inside.

So you better screen that your girlfriend abi fiance well to avoid future regrets.

Guys just be falling their hand....if a girl says NO...common guys, move on cheerfully and work hard to be that Mr. Right they all want and you will be the one laughing and making choice.

No man is born ugly! Every man is handsome and unique...the only problem a man has is MONEY!

Lack of money makes a man looks ugly and unlovable...once a man has money, he will be confident and bold...and those are what makes up a man's handsomeness and not just 6 packs!

If you like, have 12 packs, if you aren't financially buoyant, then you are ugly in the eyes of women!

Check all the rich guys in the world whom super-gorgeous ladies are dying to have, are they that physically attractive? NO!

E.g.

Kanye West - married to Kim K
Jay Z- married to Beyonce
Snoop Dogg
Our own Adams Oshiomhole, Obasanjo, Chief Mbanefo married to the most beautiful woman in Nigeria...google her, Taiye Taiwo, Mario Baloteli, etc.


Guys work hard and pray...the only challenge you have to becoming that dream guy most ladies daydream about is financial lack...if you are doing business, do it harder and pray for God's favour and reduce the rate at which u chase ladies to avoid distraction and waste of scarce resources.

If you are working, keep upgrading and gathering experience and also find a way to set up a side business.

If you are into handwork, work hard and pray.

I pray this day for God to bless as many hardworking guys working to make it in life because it is so humiliating what most guys face today in the hands of ladies just because they don't have money, its well guys!

You made a lotta sense bro... Soo on point.

Seal and H. Klum nko? She holds his massacred face soo close when kissing him...

kittykat1:
The guys will always advise you to marry an ugly person or a broke guy. These same guys will never marry an ugly babe or one that's desperately in love with them but doesn't have what they seek physically.

Have standard and stick to it. U will find someone that loves you within your standard. Never settle for less. Else u will cheat on that ugly and broke man one day

ARE YOU AN UGLY WOMAN?

Ewuro4:
Heidi Klum came to mind.

Lmao @ Heidi Klum and muthaphucking Seal.

But Seal has the star power, money, and respect - he should be super romantic, if his tunes were anything to go by. And 'em Ivory queens love them some chocolate. So he made up for whatever he lacks in looks, with other things.

The guy this girl described here can't be compared to muthaphucking Seal with the "kiss from a rose" - kiss of death.

Darn! Chics can be so judgemental - she rejected the guy and nuked his self-esteem.

bellong:
How deep is the shit? What type of shit is it? Is it atomic or AK47 shit... How does it smell? If it is nice smelling shit, it is a good shit and if not, call the services of shit removal, Yorubas call them "agbepo".



Congratulations on your new age... What values did you add to yourself during this relationship hiatus?



To start with, what is your definition for a right man? What is it in those coming to qualify them as wrong?
I hope you were stingy enough not to let everyone that comes your way to be having a feel of your "sweet body"? Between, picture of the sweet body or .....


Abraham Lincoln and Pa Buhari must be this brother's mentors.....


This is maturity. Defining your relationship from onset. Kudos



Yes, you told him, you didn't have that emotional/butterfly thingy feeling for him but what you didn't tell him is the reason why you weren't having it. You should have told him that you never dreamt of being in a relationship with a broke nigga. Your taste in guys is rich and handsome. You can't be proud of him because he is not looking good despite having a good heart. He has failed in all ramifications of your assessment. You only told the poor brother half truth. This is what is called being economical with the truth.

I must say your real problem lies in this paragraph. Your desired qualities in men are parochial and vanity. You are not looking out for something that can last you for a lifetime. Vain beauty and empty pocket... It may be why "providence" is not yet smiling on you. You lack the desired wisdom and skill to identify a good man outside his look and pocket. Before you misinterprete me, I am not saying you should be watching out for a poor person but if your motivation is money, it is the foundation of failure.

A broke guy today with passion, vision and ambition can never be broke forever. If you lack the Eagle's eyes, you can never see potentials in a gold mine. Diamond, Gold and every precious metal does not come shinning until they pass through fire.

My question is, if you call someone broke, why are you broke yourself? I thought some of you ladies are of the opinion that you are not marrying any guy for his money.



In this, it is this guy that I have pity for. He doesn't know why you don't like him. If he suddenly becomes rich tomorrow, I am sure your love will come so strong for the poor dude... The guy likes you and he thinks he can't get someone better than you. It is why he is hopelessly waiting. When I was very much younger and of no experience, I waited endlessly and hopelessly for a girl like this till heavens borrowed me brain...



He knows you will soon become desperate as you approach that age women loathe with passion. He will remind you that your biological clock is ticking and it s good for you to take the option you have before becoming a prayer point in your church or mosque.



You are asking the wrong question. Nobody can tell you who to say yes to but yourself. You never liked this guy and you still don't like him, it is not reasonable saying yes. Love is not emotion but decision. You have decided not to ever love him and there is no point beating a dead bush. Free him and let him find his wife elsewhere. Saying yes will only make his life miserable if situation does not change when you want it.

I plead with you, free the ugly and broke guy please.

I wish you well in your search for an houseband...

A standing ovation for you bro.........

Ewuro4:
Calling a man ugly and broke , yet still have no integrity to tell him the raw truth is FRAUD... Hian ladies , have some self respect, develop yourself, who says you can't be a breadwinner yourself or there's a manual that said so?

the shallow mentality that marriage will free you from shackles of poverty is the most pauperish believe I've ever heard. All the longthroat attitude won't do you any good but a slap in the end. Good Men don't respect parasitic women.

As in... I read the OP, and I became so so weak... so many ladies are shortsighted!

How sweet is your body

irishCream:
Dear Family I'm in deep shiiit, so confused on what to do right now.

I just turned 29 few days ago and have been out of a serious relationship for over a year now.

Have been waiting patiently for that right man to come along but unfortunately it only the wrong ones that keep coming my way, they just want to have a feel of my sweet body and off they go, no genuine intentions.

Now there's a brother that have been friendzoning for over two years now yet he keep persisting, good a thing I'm not the type that pretends so I told him from day one he asked me out that I'm not interested in him except on friendship level, I told him I don't feel him emotionally but he keep hanging on hoping I change my mind with time, my reasons for rejecting him is cos to me he's not presentable enough and I can't be proud introducing him to my people and again he got no good paid job (why on earth must he be poor and ugly at the same time, what kind of torture is that ). He's just managing in a private firm that pays less than 50k.

But what makes me have a rethink is the character of this my friendzoned brother, he keeps in touch despite my rejecting him, he even offer little financial assistance when I'm in need, when I asked him why he's doing all these to a girl that openly reject him he claims he has faith that I'll consider him one day, sometimes I'm forced to suspect if he has cast a spell on me so another good man won't come my way.

Now he has called to schedule a date tomorrow and I know as usual he wants to remind me that the year is running that I should consider his request since he hope to settle down this year.

Please dear Family advice me accordingly is it advisable I say yes to a man I don't feel a thing for emotionally? Can I ever get to love him? I do hear love grows but I don't believe in such!!!

kaima1984:
Sweetie am so disappointed with ur mode of reasoning bc u said he is ugly&poor at d same time,are u God?u are considering him right now bc he do assist u financial a bit from his peanut salary, so sorry t say that u are nt yet ready for a relationship,ppl like us dat married a rich,handsome hussy are praying seriously daily for God t deliver our hussy n protect us from HIV,dearie let love lead n 4get abt his appearance&kobo job after all other cute,handsome dudes dat wrestle in ur farm land are no where t b found

I DON'T GIVE PEOPLE LIKE, BUT I JUST HAVE TO GIVE YOU ONE