₦airaland Forum

Aude:
@Joavid: Nowhere in her post did she mention household bills. Doing a baby dedication isn't a regular household expense. That's why I asked the question. I didn't jump to conclusion but asked for more information. Use your own advice, read slowly, don't make assumptions, ask questions, and don't infer from a couple of sentences.

@op: thanks for the response. I can see you are a devoted wife. My advice will be for you to stand your ground. Your husband needs to learn how to stick to a budget. I don't encourage secrecy in a marriage. Tell your husband how you feel, he may be angry for a while but once he realizes that you will not budge, he will learn how to manage his finances. Sometimes tough love is the best remedy.

TooNoisy:
This is where some men lack leadership. Leadership at home is not necessarily about earning more, it's about being visionary. It's about trying to keep to your word and it's about showing commitment to the family.

Your husband is not disciplined with his finances and it's showing. You need to help him be more disciplined. But please don't keep secrets from him. Let's him know you have been paid but let him know that some of these things he's spending on are not too important. Or better still, keep some in a savings account you cannot touch and then you both can spend the rest. But let him know why you are saving the money. He may be angry at first but with time, you both will find something that works for you.

FavorofGod:
Thanks for all ur contributions. I think I'd just open a savings account without his knowledge and do a monthly standing order. But he knows my monthly pay and would know if I started saving, so I intend to wait till I get promoted later this year and then save part of the differential in salary. But as for this month and next month salary, my stand remains the same, until I pay my school fees.

TooNoisy:
This is where some men lack leadership. Leadership at home is not necessarily about earning more, it's about being visionary. It's about trying to keep to your word and it's about showing commitment to the family.

Your husband is not disciplined with his finances and it's showing. You need to help him be more disciplined. But please don't keep secrets from him. Let's him know you have been paid but let him know that some of these things he's spending on are not too important. Or better still, keep some in a savings account you cannot touch and then you both can spend the rest. But let him know why you are saving the money. He may be angry at first but with time, you both will find something that works for you.

FavorofGod:
Truth is my husband took some loans which seriously depleted his take home pay. My takehome pay is more than his when you take into consideration the loans. But he also has allowances paid in bulk that make up for the deficit. He usually uses those allowances for one project or the other.
But when it comes to the day to day running of the home, including feeding, school fees for children, fuel,etc, I usually contribute more, mostly because his salary is not enough to foot all the bills.I also contribute something to rent and capital projects, though a lesser percentage.
He is paid earlier than me each month, so by the time I receive my salary, his own has already finished( he also sends money to his parents and relations). So I just give him my atm card ,and most times he withdraws when the need arises and I know when I receive the alert.
I hardly spend money frivolously,I hardly buy expensive clothes or jewelry except I really need it,and my husband praises me often for being prudent with money.
He does not spend frivolously too, but will use any money available to solve problems or carry out projects,even when they are not necessary. This leaves us cash-strapped most times. He makes no provision for savings, and will just borrow money if there's an emergency. I've entered labour room twice when we didn't have a dime, and we had to borrow money to offset medical bills, though I had repeatedly told him to keep some money aside for such situations.

FavorofGod:
My hubby and I have had no financial secrets since marriage. He uses my atm regularly and it's almost as though we operated a joint account. This has worked for us until recently.

Now the issue is this: I'm saving for my masters school fees(distance learning) which invoves thousands of pounds. I had to defer it last year due to financial constraints. So from the beginning of this year, I had already started making plans to pay. Hubby promised to assist but each time he puts away some money, something always comes up to make him use it up.

I wouldn't have minded much if it was just that, but he turns around to deplete my own savings, promising to pay when he has money. I know he has no other means of income and cannot fulfill that promise.As it stands now, I've not been able to save a dime, and my fees is due in 2 months.
So I told him he is on his own as far as this month and next month's salary is concerned, cos I'm saving every bit of it. Some money being owed me at my place of work for months now was finally paid me yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but later did this morning.

He said he was disappointed, that I've started keeping secrets from him. That he only spent my money because he was broke and not out of carelessness. I told him there was a cause.

He spends money as he sees it, and does not believe in saving for the rainy day. He is not frivolous, but will start projects he had earlier shelved due to lack of money as soon as he sees money. For e.g, He has been talking about hosting a big time baby dedication, and the whole family travelling to the village next month for holiday, which are all capital intensive projects, when he knows he cannot fund it with his salary alone.

I think he wants me to allow him use my savings, then hope for a miracle to pay my fees. I know he's not commited to my academic pursuits, though he claims to. He once used up money I had saved for a proffessional exam, promising to pay b4 the closing date, only to tell me to forgett about an exam I had fully prepared for a day to the closing date because he couldn't raise the money. I had to run around to borrow and pay that same day.

So, ladies and gents, am I wrong to have barred him from touchingmy money for thisperiod or not? Should I stop telling him how much I have exactly? Share your thoughts.

enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.

FavorofGod:
My hubby and I have had no financial secrets since marriage. He uses my atm regularly and it's almost as though we operated a joint account. This has worked for us until recently.

Now the issue is this: I'm saving for my masters school fees(distance learning) which invoves thousands of pounds. I had to defer it last year due to financial constraints. So from the beginning of this year, I had already started making plans to pay. Hubby promised to assist but each time he puts away some money, something always comes up to make him use it up.

I wouldn't have minded much if it was just that, but he turns around to deplete my own savings, promising to pay when he has money. I know he has no other means of income and cannot fulfill that promise.As it stands now, I've not been able to save a dime, and my fees is due in 2 months.
So I told him he is on his own as far as this month and next month's salary is concerned, cos I'm saving every bit of it. Some money being owed me at my place of work for months now was finally paid me yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but later did this morning.

He said he was disappointed, that I've started keeping secrets from him. That he only spent my money because he was broke and not out of carelessness. I told him there was a cause.

He spends money as he sees it, and does not believe in saving for the rainy day. He is not frivolous, but will start projects he had earlier shelved due to lack of money as soon as he sees money. For e.g, He has been talking about hosting a big time baby dedication, and the whole family travelling to the village next month for holiday, which are all capital intensive projects, when he knows he cannot fund it with his salary alone.

I think he wants me to allow him use my savings, then hope for a miracle to pay my fees. I know he's not commited to my academic pursuits, though he claims to. He once used up money I had saved for a proffessional exam, promising to pay b4 the closing date, only to tell me to forgett about an exam I had fully prepared for a day to the closing date because he couldn't raise the money. I had to run around to borrow and pay that same day.

So, ladies and gents, am I wrong to have barred him from touchingmy money for thisperiod or not? Should I stop telling him how much I have exactly? Share your thoughts.

Truckpusher:
I pity the fool that would end up with you thinking he has a wife.
Guys listen up ,don't let ya woman know your worth until she's loyal with too many kids on her ass.

enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.

enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.

ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,

ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,

grandstar:
Must you insult enoqueen. You can make a statement without the insults.

enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.

Truckpusher:
That wasn't an insult bro.
I was speaking my mind and it's also your duty to speak your mind but again, what she said was ok with you ? She's discouraging trust in any form of union.
Are you fine with her submission ?

TooNoisy:
This is where some men lack leadership. Leadership at home is not necessarily about earning more, it's about being visionary. It's about trying to keep to your word and it's about showing commitment to the family.

Your husband is not disciplined with his finances and it's showing. You need to help him be more disciplined. But please don't keep secrets from him. Let's him know you have been paid but let him know that some of these things he's spending on are not too important. Or better still, keep some in a savings account you cannot touch and then you both can spend the rest. But let him know why you are saving the money. He may be angry at first but with time, you both will find something that works for you.

FavorofGod:
Thanks for all ur contributions. I think I'd just open a savings account without his knowledge and do a monthly standing order. But he knows my monthly pay and would know if I started saving, so I intend to wait till I get promoted later this year and then save part of the differential in salary. But as for this month and next month salary, my stand remains the same, until I pay my school fees.

ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,

enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.

enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.

Toks2008:
Which kain bondage be this?

I guess there is something you are not telling us.Maybe at one time you had also done some huge arbitrary withdrawals from his account which gives him the dexterity to do this.

Toks2008:
Im so sorry to use this word.

You are a foolish woman for ever agreing to this nonsense and he must be a jerk to abuse a rare priviledge from the few foolish women like you.

Im so sorry for my choice of words but this is indeed a foolish act only done by foolish people who think they are in love.

I just hope this does not break your marriage.