babaD60:
Pls don't do what u will regret latter, pls just 4get him & face ur children, hv it in mind now dat ur childern is ur husband. What chase him out will chase him in, don't even think of him anymore just face ur kids & make him feel usless & gv more attention 2 ur kids.

maybe na laxity of Toto.

Rukkydelta:
With all this wahala associated with marriage I'm getting scared o anyway i'll advise the op to go fetish it seems cos is the best option now so that anything and anywhere the husband do/is the thought of her will always be on his mind

u sure say op no fucck other pple husbands b4 marriage?

ok

angelchinny:
Am a well dedicated nairalander but I created this new account for this issue. I have been married for 4 years now with 3 children and since the 2nd year of our marriage my husband has been constantly cheating on me.

The way he goes about it is even heartbreaking, he does it like his into a love relationship with them and not just for fun.

There is this particular girl that he calls like 3 times everyday because I check his call log and saw they keep in touch more than twice everyday. I stupidly called the girl and warned her to stay clear off my man and she confessed he didn't tell her he was married, I confronted my hubby and he was forming defensive and was telling me dat am accusing him wrongly and he will soon start cheating. I called the girl back in the evening and she told me that even as am calling that his call is entering her phone, that he called earlier to beg her to give him chance to explain..The next day I left with my children to a far away state and he pleaded that he will change and all that. The issue is that he continued with this shameless behaviour, our live-in nanny later confessed to my cousin last month that he approached her and I was so devastated. He knelt down and begged and I easily forgave him..

Forgive me for my long episode but I really need your help on how to punish him cos I went to his call log yesterday and saw the same girl that made me take the risk to leave with my children to another state calling him again and he is reciprocating the calls..his a very jealous person, he goes crazy when a male friend calls me..I want to make him pass through all the pains I have endured all these years.. What do I do pls?

My own advice is that you know better and seen better,I believe you know what to do but you are scare to take the step,You know the Good side of your husband and the bad side,People here are judging base on the bad side,am a married man and i know what you are facing from your explanation.Did you just notice that after given birth to the 3 lovely children or before marriage,Secondly Did your husband have new friends or same old friend with same character,Is just very simple.Am 100% percent sure,Your love for him have reduce but the problem your parent doesn't want you to be a single mother and No financial aid to them,No one is going through the pain but you..I want you to make this bold step,First divert all the attention to your children,secondly,If you are graduate.Dust your certificate,Dress nice and tell him you are looking for job as least three times in a week,Make sure you dress to attract other men who will always make you feel happy again But dont make mistake of given them chance.Thirdly,Ask him for alternatives option that he should invest on you,Like opening a mini mart and or shop,You notice your husband cheating because you dont have a job or nothing do,All your attention are on him and you notice simples things as well..So if you can have a job or a shop,Your attention will be on the job and the children and he will be the one who will now monitor you because on his conscience and gradually,He will change..

Hello madam you need do a lot work here. There are many advice there but what will come out of them may not be what you expect. You will not know the value of success if you have not failed. So believe today you are lunching into great success. This is what i suggest you do.

I see you succeeding cos you decided to seek wisdom.

No marriage z indeed perfect.every barri gat issues.some might not cheat,but gat a temper.

GBAM

kosplateau:
u sure say op no fucck other pple husbands b4 marriage?

toksbisola:
@Op; Huh! What can I say; well, first of all it’s really sad that you are being dealt with emotionally by your hubby; very very sad indeed. But do you think taking revenge is what would sort this current problem out?

Your husband isn’t showing any remorse for his actions rather it appears he’s justifying himself with the analogy of “Men are polygamous in nature therefore they will cheat”. One thing to note here is that a man cheats only because he wants to and not because he has to. There is something called self-control; and if you resolve in your heart that you would not cheat on your spouse no matter what; then you certainly would not and this analogy applies to both men and women.

The environment that one finds themselves in sometimes may make it hard for one to walk away; but that does not mean that one cannot avoid the temptation to cheat. It is simply a silly excuse to say I want to explore out of the marital bond as “The marriage bed should be without defilement”.

Now listen up gurl; if you kill yourself because of a philandering husband; I pity you; as I will only give your husband 3 months max; and there would be another Mrs somebody by his side. And if I may ask you this question, what makes you think that the new wife would look after your kids the way you look after them currently if you allow his philandering ways to kill you?

In all, there are only 2 options here;

1) Either you leave him and let him carry on with his philandering ways and have a less stressful life along with peace of mind or;
2) You stay with him and continue to forgive him as he continuously cheats on you again and again.

The choice is totally yours; you are the one wearing the shoes and only you know how it pinches. No one else can tell you if to leave or stay.

Be careful with toiling the part of cheating with another man; as if your husband finds out you might not remain in your marital home. Statistics has shown that a wife is willing to forgive a philandering husband than it is for a husband to forgive a philandering wife.

Moving forward, part of the problem might be because you depend on him financial; that gives him the freelance to cheat as he knows you would always need money from him for your upkeep as well as that for the kids. My advice to you would be to get a job/business you are involved in to garner some income for yourself and the kids. Spending all your time checking his phone (don't get me wrong; you're entitled to check his phone) would not create income for you.

At this moment in time, the most important thing here are your kids; stick around to care for them whether you decide to stay with your husband or not. BE WISE AS YOU SEEK GUIDANCE ON A WAY FORWARD TO HANDLING THIS MARITAL ISSUE AT HAND.

From a medical point of view, I'll advice you to go for an STD test IMMEDIATELY and check to make sure that you are not carrying any disease(s) as HIV AND AIDS ARE REAL AND IT IS NOT WRITTEN ON ANYONE'S FOREHEAD. I'll ADVICE that your husband should do the same.

In all, you have received a lot of advice from here; be sure to choose wisely what you would follow; AND I REPEAT; you are the only one wearing the shoes and only you know how it pinches. ALL THE BEST.


PS: I read a thread on NL where a woman died of a heartbreak because her husband was a chronic philanderer and now her children are without a mother all because she was fighting hard to stop the husband from cheating on her with different women.

I just mentioned this for you to be aware that a person can indeed die from a heartbreak. So please beware and be wise.

I rest my case

ur priority nw should be ur career and ur childrens welfare since he has chosen to be a goat,he is an adult and cannot be told how to live his life,u choose urs,whatever wld make u n d kids happiest.prayers work

angelchinny:
I believe he does dat becos he knws I forgive him easily, dats why I wanna punish him

do the same thing he is doin but be careful, don't give him much attention, always pretend like you are speaking with a male lover, just make him jealous

Mrs0J:


If my hubby annoys me i won't bulge to his sexuall advance, but if he apologized in which the Op's case the hubby will apologize after she confronts him. She can't say No to her hubby everytime he wants to make love, that is why i advised her on insisting on using condom

ok , thank u.

don't involve in any anti social behaviour, savage means to hurt him or keepn male friends around you acting as your boy friends (you are a mother ) Negro will not take that from negress in black race. it might not work because he as friends that wl meddle in you affairs with him is evidence to leave you. Don't even spend time thinkn how to hurt him.

I wish you knw power behind peace, be peaceful with him and solve your crises maturely pick what ought picking from all the advice and do what ought doing. dffrnt application for dffrnt issue @ the end of the day people will tell you, you did not do it vrywell.
Your story is not new that is why your parent prentend that they don't knw how you feel. you shld have invlve ur mummy not daddy your mumm wl advice you and also pray along with you
My advice for you.
1. Move close to God... let God fight for you

2. try to look more interestin, you play the role of girl friend, role of wife and role of a mother. this method is mostly adopted by most prostitude despite the fact that such ladies are the most dreaded and perilous to move with yet they still secure good husbnd for them self.
Whatch movies with him (comedy), play games with him, call him lovely names, whenever you are cookn try to find a means for him to stand with you gisting, is avenue for you to remind him the comedy line you both watch togther, put on small trousers that wl show ur size verywl, touch him anytime you feel like not when he feel like touching you

3. Be submissive

4. start doing somthing lucrative, i think dis is what is using to confuse that woman outside that his the only one respndn for the needs @ home he might even tell her that he gave you money to start business but you did nt

5. Don't pack out of your house again you might leave and before you come back meet dis girl performing your duties to your husband

thelish:
ok , thank u.

You welcome

5minsmadness:

Hehehehehe
Good one!

It seems his friends are also a major issue. Can't u find a way to keep him away from them? Don't do it directly cos it will have a negative result, rather insist on him being home early and raise hell if he isn't. OR Call him at odd hours when he's outside and send him message e.g "pls dear buy banana and groundnut for me on your way back. ". Tomorrow it could be 'since u r outside could u buy bread and garri on your way back, also add bathing soap cos the kids have not had thier bath... Etc"

Men HATE being sent messages like these but have no concrete reasons to refuse them. Soon he would prefer being at home early instead of letting u spoil his fun outside.

Na secret I don blow for u oh!

And when he comes home without buying them, raise hell.

Kikikiki where im wan get kulikuli and garri buy for 11pm. Omo, you mean gan o. My wife must not see this your advice I swear.

angelchinny:
I believe he does dat becos he knws I forgive him easily, dats why I wanna punish him

My dear, forget this ur "punish him" strategy... This issue is not a 'do me, I do u' game, unless thats hw u want to play it.

My "ordinary man" says: life is too short to waste with an unrepentant cheat.

But My "Spirit man" says: Weigh how gd a father and husband he is in other aspects. If its just d cheating, it may not be worth throwing away ur marriage over. In this case, prayer is the way to go.

The truth is that no one can guarantee any solution. There is no clear cut formula to make a cheating partner stop.

Good luck.

raayah:


yes.. you should not depend on a man for money. Look at OP , she's stuck with a man who is cheating on her and treating her without respect because he knows she can't leave. She cannot survive without him.

No Career/Job.. no Marriage

my dear, nothing stops d op from getting a job now dat she is married. A man who will respect u will, irrespective of ur career or not..

angelchinny:
What am I going to do to save him from his friends..His following there foot steps, they r too wayward 4 my liking

involve his friends by telling them of your predicament, especially his very close ones, they will start calling him to order even if they might be birds of same feathers but involving them will help with time.

how dd u manage to ve three children within four years. na wa for u o. may be u are now old in d faceo of ur husband. put more cream.

how dd u manage to ve three children within four years. na wa for u o. may be u are now old in d faceo of ur husband. put more cream on ur face.

This is heartbreaking!!!


And the rate of infidelity keeps increasing. Three kids means much already i really doubt if you could leave him.

angelchinny:
Am a well dedicated nairalander but I created this new account for this issue. I have been married for 4 years now with 3 children and since the 2nd year of our marriage my husband has been constantly cheating on me.

The way he goes about it is even heartbreaking, he does it like his into a love relationship with them and not just for fun.

There is this particular girl that he calls like 3 times everyday because I check his call log and saw they keep in touch more than twice everyday. I stupidly called the girl and warned her to stay clear off my man and she confessed he didn't tell her he was married, I confronted my hubby and he was forming defensive and was telling me dat am accusing him wrongly and he will soon start cheating. I called the girl back in the evening and she told me that even as am calling that his call is entering her phone, that he called earlier to beg her to give him chance to explain..The next day I left with my children to a far away state and he pleaded that he will change and all that. The issue is that he continued with this shameless behaviour, our live-in nanny later confessed to my cousin last month that he approached her and I was so devastated. He knelt down and begged and I easily forgave him..

Forgive me for my long episode but I really need your help on how to punish him cos I went to his call log yesterday and saw the same girl that made me take the risk to leave with my children to another state calling him again and he is reciprocating the calls..his a very jealous person, he goes crazy when a male friend calls me..I want to make him pass through all the pains I have endured all these years.. What do I do pls?

Honey,please am not supporting your husbands infidelity but please call that girl, your husband always calls and ask her for advice,then know,what your husband is getting from her that you don't give,problem solved

If u ar working, concentrate on ur work. if u ar not pls find something doing . Ensure dat u keep ur home clean. Keep ur self clean all d time & pretend as if nothing is happening. Cook n eat good food if there is money. Be happy n play around with ur kids. B4 bedtime have ur birth,rub powder , pack ur hair well n put on good night wear. If u continue stressing urself ur immune system will become low n disease will set in while he continue his lifestyle. Try n b happy. With d above steps,he wil b feeling guilty,dont bother him bc of dat again,he wil b forced to stop. NB: NEVER U LEAVE UR MATRIMONIAL HOME BC OF UR HUSBAND'S INFIDELITY. * My opinion*

Sorry about the predicament Angel. Over 80% of married women had gone through the situation at one point in their lifetime. So you are not alone and some of them had come out of it successfully without breaking up their marriage and I'm hopeful you too will by God's grace.
Abandoning your marriage or paying your husband back in his own coins would only get things worse and will definitely affect your children adversely if not you. One of the reasons this kind of things happen is because of the way human minds work. The human mind appreciates things best when it has not possessed that thing or when it has los it. And that's what affects over 90% of men during the course of their lives. The fact that a man married the most beautiful lady in this world does not mean he can't be distracted by another lady or other ladies.
The following are my suggestions:

# The most important thing is to GO TO ALMIGHTY GOD. Pray, pray and pray. Pray for God to deliver of him of the spirit. Some men don't plan to cheat on their wives but they just find themselves involved one way or the other. It's not easy stopping once he has started so he needs both physical and spiritual help. He too needs to be ready to stop anyway.

# Don't keep your bitterness to yourself so that you don't get chronic disease called 'Depression' . Try and devise a good communication channel to talk to your husband and appeal to his conscience. Patiently advise him with modesty and with all the emotional intelligence skills you've got. Remind him of the consequences of these extra marital relationships on your kids. Appeal to him using his religion, no religion encourages adultery or fornication.

# Advise him to stay away from immoral websites and bad influences/ friends. He should try and be ignoring the calls of those girls because they will keep pestering him even if he wishes to stop. He should be firm and fill his spare time with his positive passions and games.

# Try and dress and smell well even if you are at home. Some ladies don't take care of themselves again because they are married. Be appealing to him at all times in terms of your appearance.

# Keep anything females to the minimum in your home: sisters, friends, maids etc. Employ male or old women as maids if possible. If not warn and watch your female maids to refrain from wearing seductive dresses. Remember, Men are moved by sight while Women are moved by words.

# While he is trying to stop the affairs, just like others have advised, go for tests to know your status and guard your status jealously and remind him too to guard his to avoid stories that touch.

# Attitude is everything. Be a good wife and mother in order not to push him away. Remember that 'Marriage is a relationship between two imperfect people trying to make it work' . And it's the one of the best relationship created and encouraged by God. So give it your everything you've got. Never abandon your marriage because it might be your best. It's when you leave your marriage for another that you will appreciate the one you left and realize that this issue is not really a big issue if it's diplomatically handled.

Best of luck in your union. It's well with your family.

angelchinny:

I would hv left him a long time ago but I jst think twice cos of two reasons
1) Cos of my children, hw I will take them along wit me
2)Cos am not working yet, I can't provide 4 myself n my children

3 children, take a break and rebrand your self..get a job or occupy your self with a solid business..bet you he will make a u turn..

life over marriage

angelchinny:
I really need your help on how to punish him.. I want to make him pass through all the pains I have endured all these years..

OP_cheating husbands tends to feel remorse n sorry when suddenly surged with undeserved (fake) affection and angrily get afraid of their woman when they can't predict her next move. Pretend to double ur love n affections coupled with ur woman weapons and a 'NO' to regular Bleep or with protection if u can't hold. When he notice part of that, u won't ask before he confess his sins then u can begin a Man&Wife Dialogue. If he's not insane, u gradually should win him back #no offense

Don't appear too weak to him cos he'll only keep taking advantage of u known to him u have a soft mind to forgive. Stop going tru his call log cos u'll only be hurting urself more n stop calling d side chick so u don't end up like a nuisance. Weigh any advise u get from 3rd parties with ur instinct b4 putting it to use...den PUSH IT (pray until something happens)

Your kids r ur future...focus more on them rather than a cheating husband and get a work asap for ur upkeep n backup..


***shoot @it when it face u...shoot @it when it back u but think twice when u r left alone***

angelchinny:
Am a well dedicated nairalander but I created this new account for this issue. I have been married for 4 years now with 3 children and since the 2nd year of our marriage my husband has been constantly cheating on me.

The way he goes about it is even heartbreaking, he does it like his into a love relationship with them and not just for fun.

There is this particular girl that he calls like 3 times everyday because I check his call log and saw they keep in touch more than twice everyday. I stupidly called the girl and warned her to stay clear off my man and she confessed he didn't tell her he was married, I confronted my hubby and he was forming defensive and was telling me dat am accusing him wrongly and he will soon start cheating. I called the girl back in the evening and she told me that even as am calling that his call is entering her phone, that he called earlier to beg her to give him chance to explain..The next day I left with my children to a far away state and he pleaded that he will change and all that. The issue is that he continued with this shameless behaviour, our live-in nanny later confessed to my cousin last month that he approached her and I was so devastated. He knelt down and begged and I easily forgave him..

Forgive me for my long episode but I really need your help on how to punish him cos I went to his call log yesterday and saw the same girl that made me take the risk to leave with my children to another state calling him again and he is reciprocating the calls..his a very jealous person, he goes crazy when a male friend calls me..I want to make him pass through all the pains I have endured all these years.. What do I do pls?

At this stage of his the only thing that can save him is Regeneration- it is a miracle of being born again a process which can be initiated by him, you other who know about.
Outside that be prepared to move on with or without him.
But I prefer the former. Hence it begins with you on your kneels.

Marriage sef. Its a lifetime punishment

sayoberry:
Marriage sef. Its a lifetime punishment

Sayo!!!!!!!

My advice to you don't leave your husband tell him to use condom and be prayerful because we wrestly not against the blood and flesh but principality,the wicked of the world ruler of darkness,devil want to use that to destroyed your marriage pls don't give up because is not yet over. God bless you

useless African & Nigerian culture mentality dat approves a man to cheat & d woman not. both partners are d same . I still do nt understand why some men aren't satisfied with one woman. Are not all Kitty cat d same again?
there is nothing other women has dat ur wife do not. d VEE na same

as for u d op , my advice to u keep loving & praying for d man as one day he will change but not without pains and patient . waitin don spoil no easy to fix. Don't walk out of dat marriage or seek divorce if u are truly married (pride price payed) .

truth is ur husband was a cheater before marriage and likewise u & all d signs were there but u pretended not to have seen it in d name of so called love & to leave spinsterhood status at all cost . We all are suppose to be perfect humans as commanded by God but nay our self deceit will not allow us to IT DOES NOT MATTER ATTITUDES, ACTIONS & BEHAVIORS.

for now please bear d cost of not being watchful before marriage. sorry for being blunt. truth hurts

sayoberry:
Marriage sef. Its a lifetime punishment

yes outside God u will weep bitterly like a baby through out it. marriage ought to be for better for best. I know a couple who dated for 15 years & just 3 months of marriage they are now misbehaving. people na endure rather than enjoy marriage.

people thinks it's boyfriend & girlfriend stuff