Smh, pitiful... Women, a necessary evil...

enstack:
I had to create a new account just to post this as it's quite sensitive. It's quite lengthy too but I'll be brief. I need mature and friendly advice from people here.

When I first met my husband, it was in a library. We talked briefly and we became close. I have had past relationships in my life so I was careful as possible. I realised that he had no past relationship. He was a typical virgin and was new and I was his first girlfriend. So I felt comfortable with him. He was so kind and loving so I agreed to marry him.

Now it has gotten worse. Everytime he does anything I want without asking questions. At first I enjoyed it but now I'm starting to worry about him as it's getting out of hand. He does not display any act of manliness in the house. He behaves like my puppet or my foot stool. The other day he was watching the soccer game and I just jokingly mentioned how boring it was and I would prefer the faith channel. He changed the channel to the faith channel just like that. Even at work he would be calling me and texting me I am even scared he would loose his job if his employer finds out.

I have no time for myself.. he is always around. Sometimes if I say no to his advances for sex he would act like I am a wicked woman who has cheated him or rubbed him of his right. He would give me the silent treatment for weeks until I give in. On Sunday he insisted on going with me to the salon and it's now embarrassing as every Sunday my mates in the salon would gossip about how my husband is the only man amongst women making their hairs because his wife is there. I try to talk to him but he would feel so sad like I have taken smething away. I don't understand.

If I'm studying at night, he would suddenly begin to romance me and strip me of my clothing without saying anything first when he can see I'm studying. If I rebuke him, he would be very sad. Every time he must have one intimate relation with me everyday and life does not work that way. I don't know if it's immaturity or he is sick mentally. The day I returned home 11pm due to huge traffic jam, I was expecting him to be furious like any other man.. he was with all smiles even offered me water and collected my bag and books. Christ.

I need sincere help. I told his family that I'll file a divorce if this continues as I cannot live like this. It's no longer love but idolatry. I thought it's wives that are submissive.. he is the one submissive. Anything I ask... he grants even silly things. Things that a real man would query before granting.

I am sure that if I ask him to bathe in acid he would do it. I'm sick and tired of this marriage. Just a year. The last quater he gave me his ATM to spend when I went for training in Abuja. When I was spending excessively he was quiet about it until I returned and found it he was broke that i wrecked him. I was wondering what happened to him. Why didn't he talk?

Please Nairalanders what is happening? I love him still and divorce would be my last resort. I need your advice and help on how to fix this because I don't know what to do anymore.

Thank you all.

Why not tell him you don't worth all the care?.

This's a goody-two-shoes type of a guy, my kind of person, and you're so lucky to have him!. I can tell you for sure that man is one-in-a-million and you'll never come across someone to show you half of that type of love till you die. I wish the man stop loving you this moment, cause only then will you understand.

This's why I believe marriage isn't good for people like me, cause another half like me who's a lady doesn't exist. If they do it will take God to locate them.

You're the one who have a problem. #YouDontKnowWhatYouVeGotUntilItsGone.

Shame on you lady....you have a good man yet you dey yarn okpata ...better be grateful .

if eventually you succeeded in changing who he is, you will find him and you will not see him. my take

Madam mba talk true say u no kiv (give) dis man kopnome. u women can be funny at times.

Madam ,mbok talk true say u no kiv (give) dis man kopnome. u women can be funny at times.

Please divorce him like right away.
You don't need a good bloke like that in your life.
Get yourself a proper douchebag.
Trust me, they're everywhere.

Oniranu obinrin. Which kind talk be this?

Woow!! am soo surprised @ the op. I thought this was the dream of every woman.
Even if he beats u. U will still complain so live with it or u divorce and marry (terry G).

*In Lasisi's voice* End time wives.
@op, Hmmmmmmmmmmm is a very mature advice o.

enstack all what you putup on nairaland is no issue,the problem is you and seeing countless loveless marriages in Nigeria as a norm and you think this husband of yours is suffocating you.Please stop seeking advise on nairaland,your marriage is an ideal marriage and you are lucky to have that man as your husband.Betterstill if you need to seek advise talk to your mum only.Case closed

enstack:


Seriously? I am selfish and Wicked? Everywhere i go, he wants to be there! He wanted to accompany me to a women convention(Women Only)! Amongst almost 200 Women very few men were there because its a thing for women not for couples. He threatened to Hang Himself.

So I am selfish because I dont want my husband turning me to his boss and he is my P.A? Sometimes he would hold my purse or handbag and sometimes people would begin to ask "Is he your husband or your driver?"

enstack all what you putup on nairaland is no issue,the problem is you and seeing countless loveless marriages in Nigeria as a norm and you think this husband of yours is suffocating you.Please stop seeking advise on nairaland,your marriage is an ideal marriage and you are lucky to have that man as your husband.Betterstill if you need to seek advise talk to your mum only.Some of these things will wane off by the time you start having children and as the marriage progresses.Case closed

[size=29pt]When i told u to marry me, shey u answer?? [/size]

Strahovski:
Op, I feel your pain... I read your post from beginning to end and it can be scary for someone like you. You mentioned studying and training. seems you are furthering your education so I can imagine hw you would fee. But this is it. Also I like how you broke it in paragraphs so it won't look so long a messy. Nice. Many people would misunderstand the op.

Edit: The op is not saying her husband is too loving! Neither is she selfish or wicked. She is even a good person. From her writeup,if she says "Kill yourself" to her husband he would do it. It's not right so those silly comments below should be edited by the silly posters. The man is obsessed. It's dangerous for her very soon it would become obvious in public and you know the society would start accusing her of using metaphysical powers on him. So she wants to fix it now before it advances.

Back to the topic:

In your first/second paragraph you said it all. You were his first love. He was new to romance. And now you are married so he is carried away with it. He wants to make you happy that's all. And I can bet that he has been crushing on you before two of you met one on one. So for him To finally get you, he wants to keep you but he got it all wrong. It's normal in life.. something you have always desired finally comes your way of course you would protect it. So he is acting silly and idolizing you because he wants to keep you around.

I advice you talk to him. Sit him down and explain things to him let him know you love him for the man he is that he does not have to do silly things to please you. He knows it's nt right. I'm sure but he has no choice. So let him knw there is a choice. Give him the assurance you are his forever. That's all
Its just communication. And as for intimacy, he likes you, but you need to let him know that you value your study time and once in a while make the move too. Let him know you too can make the move not him alone so he does not have to do it always. And also there might be something about you that drives hm crazy which he does not want to depart from him.. ask him he will tell you. It could be your eyes, your accent, your voice, or even your fingers or your hair or skin or legs.. talk to him that's my point.

#TeamNoDivorce

Edit: Hmmmmm FTC

please forgive me if I say you're not in your right senses....I would gladly go to d salon wyt my wife...her frnds can get jealous and talk all they want...at least he's not cheating on you...file 4 divorce my dear and the beginning of your real pain and sorrow starts....

Strahovski:
Op, I feel your pain... I read your post from beginning to end and it can be scary for someone like you. You mentioned studying and training. seems you are furthering your education so I can imagine hw you would fee. But this is it. Also I like how you broke it in paragraphs so it won't look so long a messy. Nice. Many people would misunderstand the op.

Edit: The op is not saying her husband is too loving! Neither is she selfish or wicked. She is even a good person. From her writeup,if she says "Kill yourself" to her husband he would do it. It's not right so those silly comments below should be edited by the silly posters. The man is obsessed. It's dangerous for her very soon it would become obvious in public and you know the society would start accusing her of using metaphysical powers on him. So she wants to fix it now before it advances.

Back to the topic:

In your first/second paragraph you said it all. You were his first love. He was new to romance. And now you are married so he is carried away with it. He wants to make you happy that's all. And I can bet that he has been crushing on you before two of you met one on one. So for him To finally get you, he wants to keep you but he got it all wrong. It's normal in life.. something you have always desired finally comes your way of course you would protect it. So he is acting silly and idolizing you because he wants to keep you around.

I advice you talk to him. Sit him down and explain things to him let him know you love him for the man he is that he does not have to do silly things to please you. He knows it's nt right. I'm sure but he has no choice. So let him knw there is a choice. Give him the assurance you are his forever. That's all
Its just communication. And as for intimacy, he likes you, but you need to let him know that you value your study time and once in a while make the move too. Let him know you too can make the move not him alone so he does not have to do it always. And also there might be something about you that drives hm crazy which he does not want to depart from him.. ask him he will tell you. It could be your eyes, your accent, your voice, or even your fingers or your hair or skin or legs.. talk to him that's my point.

#TeamNoDivorce

Edit: Hmmmmm FTC

One Million likes and blessing to you for this great response.

fynex:
please forgive me if I say you're not in your right senses....I would gladly go to d salon wyt my wife...her frnds can get jealous and talk all they want...at least he's not cheating on you...file 4 divorce my dear and the beginning of your real pain and sorrow starts....

You quoted the wrong person. you wanted to quote the OP but you quoted someone else.

Madam Boss Lady,

A candid advice to you.
First, is he also the one reading your stuffs and interpreting them to you.

Ma, please for heaven's sake don't file for a divorce because its a sin before God.
I'd say you guys seriously need to talk, yes i mean TALK. He loves you very much but you are scared of his love shouldn't be the reason for a trending topic in the salon. He is your HUSBAND and if you can't talk him outta doing somethings, who will (be absolutely sure).


Lesson: If my dad loved my mom this way, there would be no need for the next bitch the ni66a brought home. stillpapaanyways

Madam its too early to say u want a divorce. From ur write up and the other explanation, i saw u are self centred and uncaring. U were happy at first but its became a problem later which i understood very well. If u keep telling friends about him ur marriage will not last. My advice to u is to fast and pray to God to take away wat ever spell dat was casted in him cus indeed, honestly he is not a man, virgin has noting to do with dis.
Start treating him the way he treats you, threaten him also so and see his reactions. don let him do wat u are suppose to do cus dat alone makes u lazy and unproductive. Soak him wit ur love and care. Always talk with him every nite about his behaviour, expressing ur deep need for a manly husband dat u can be proud of.
Pray always together at nite after each talk. Be the ist to wake and do the house duties. Most importantly pray together in the morning,put water for him to bath and serve him breakfast. Stop asking him for things in a while, be independent and plz stop discussing ur husband in public cus its seems u have an option already becus u mention divorce earlier.
When i said pray, i know y i said dis bcus ur husband can kill or kill both of u if u threaten him wit divorce, because he is sick mentally and needs help wch u will play a vital role to make him change to wat u want him to be. if u divorce ur husband, madam i bet u will die in pains wit who so ever u will marry again bcus u must hv told him about ur Prevert husband cus once u leave him dats wen u will be hearing good tins about him.dat alone destroys d love and respect in any family. I think dats all i can said. GOD BLESS YOU

cocolacec:



enstack all what you putup on nairaland is no issue,the problem is you and seeing countless loveless marriages in Nigeria as a norm and you think this husband of yours is suffocating you.Please stop seeking advise on nairaland,your marriage is an ideal marriage and you are lucky to have that man as your husband.Betterstill if you need to seek advise talk to your mum only.Some of these things will wane off by the time you start having children and as the marriage progresses.Case closed

Good one. Please keep it up.

enstack:


I had to respond to you. Perhaps you are missing the point here. I never said he is too loving or something. If i am to write all the silly things he does in the name of love you wont even be able to read it all. I just put a few.

Even neighbors around have noticed it. They have called me to order many times! His elder sister accused me of giving him a love portion. Its that bad! You call this love? Then I'm sorry i don't want such love anymore. The other day, i asked him to purchase something for me, he had no money, instead of him to talk to me about being short on funds, he went to take a loan to get it. Something that even I dont need so urgently(He is still owing his partner for it)

So sir, read again and understand! Dont be to hasty in talking or commenting. Call me a girl, Its no big deal. After all, this same Man threatened to stand in the middle of the road if i dont accompany him on his field trip. This type of a man can commit suicide if i dont give him what he wants at a given time.

The man is only exaggerating ,he will never kill himself.Try to give what he wants without having to resort to threats in a loving way.

commitcrime:
Hmmmmm


Since u want sincere mature advice. I ll oblige u.

You re a fool!

Your husband loves u so much that he dotes on u. All men would normally do that but men like me dated bitches so we transformed and became assholes.

If ur husband worships u. It is normal

It is left for u to take the obeisances in humility and reciprocate.

If u turn him into an asshole. Babe I promise u. You ve lost him forever.

P.S
I realise it is easy being an asshole than a gentleman

#TEAMASSHOLE

lol....the hashtag got me cracking up

He just cant help himself. Your p-ssy is just too sweet.

I must commend your sense of simplicity and honesty. however, two things are obvious to me, you are a good woman with good upbringing because that's what some women want; a boy-boy husband and secondly u most likely come from a home where you father dictates things without recourse to others. Now, concerning your husband, it seems to me that he is most likely a born again brother and he enjoys sex; from all you have said about him you can't change him by talking to him because whatever you say will be seen from a selfish perspective. To correct the situation, change your mindset that a man must not necessarily be a dictator, make moves for sex sometimes, get someone who your husband respects and go with him for counseling, let me however warn that you should be careful of your choice counsellor so that he does not ruin your home, maybe his spiritual father preferably. God bless your marriage.

commitcrime:
Hmmmmm


Since u want sincere mature advice. I ll oblige u.

You re a fool!

Your husband loves u so much that he dotes on u. All men would normally do that but men like me dated bitches so we transformed and became assholes.

If ur husband worships u. It is normal

It is left for u to take the obeisances in humility and reciprocate.

If u turn him into an asshole. Babe I promise u. You ve lost him forever.

P.S
I realise it is easy being an asshole than a gentleman

#TEAMASSHOLE

You don't need to call her a fool. I think you should understand women's way of thinking. They want conflict. They don't want a man that will give them everything cheaply.
Sometimes they would prefer a man to be physically abusive (but not to kill her) than a docile man. That's just the way it works with them.

[b]Hi dear,

I can not fathom what you are going through, but I do not think you should divorce your husband; all solutions have not been exhausted yet.

Firstly, I will encourage you to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8; it reminds us that LOVE is an action word and not a noun, that requires patience, tolerance, kindness, humility, hope, endurance etc. It will help you during these trying times.

One must always enter marriage without expectations or idealogies, because the marriage is based on what you and your husband say it should be, not what society dictates. Sit down as a couple and discuss what you want to see in the marriage and what works and doesn't work for you ( If you are Christians then the bible should be a firm foundation for this talk). The more you keep comparing your marriage to what you feel it should be, the more it will keep falling short. Create your own unique marriage with your husband.

Always try to see the positive in every situation; it might seem odd that your husband wants to escort you to a Women's convention or to the salon, but maybe it is his way of showing love (as weird as it may seem). You could turn such situations into lovely ones, for example you could tell him you know he will miss you during that period and you really appreciate his fierce devotion towards you, but he should allow you to go alone and you promise him some hot steamy sex when you get home. The way you react to such gestures is very important, as you do not want him to feel rejected (remember, you love this man).

Understand that you are two different people and this is the time you should explore each other. The first year of marriage tends to be turbulent as the parties involved are adjusting their worlds to become one. For example, my husband and I communicate all the time during work, and it is one of the things that keeps us bonded. I however, used to hate cuddling and touching and PDA, but I began to appreciate that was his way of showing his love for me and feeling loved as well( through communication, which is always best when you guys are in a great mood and after sex); I gradually changed my mindset and now I enjoy being all touchy with him.Both of you shoud read 'The Five Love Languages', and discuss your reflections; it will help you understand each other better.

Regards sex, the bible says your body is not your own, and neither is his. It is not a bad thing for him to desire sex, but it is also understandable that there are times you would not be in the mood or would be too exhausted. My dear, sex is really important to men as it makes them feel loved and respected; it also helps release stress and keeps them young and happy. Make an effort to sacrifice your energy and time (after all sometimes it wont take more than fifteen minutes) to show your husband how much you love him by engaging passionately in sex (enjoy it too). I have learnt that the bond between my husband and I gets tighter anytime we have sex, and I think of creative ways to make it interesting; it is not easy, but no one ever promised that marriage was easy.

Communication is very key in this situation, but it has to be applied with much wisdom. Words are meant to build and not destroy; if you know the feedback you will be giving your husband will bring him down, then silence is golden. You marriage is between you, your husband and God (being the ultimate); this matter should be taken to God asap, and the most important thing to ask God is to change you and your heart towards your husband. Ask God to help you appreciate the gift he blessed you with through marriage. Ask God to help you be a better wife to your husband; to understand him, appreciate him, and change your perception towards him. God is the only one who has the power to change others, and in a marriage, when the other partner sees a change in their spouse, they are more open to changing themselves. Of course, do pray for God to help your husband understand you and your needs, and how they can be catered for (I am perceiving two people who love each other but do not know how to show it in order for the other person to appreciate and feel it).

My dear, make sure you celebrate your husband always, at home and out. Do not complain about him to others except God. Anytime my husband and I have issues, I go to God first, then I speak to him; I ask him if he thinks we should discuss the issue with a trusted authority; if he says yes then we go ahead. If not, we solve the problem ourselves. Anytime an individual mocks you or your husband or your marriage ( for example comments made regarding him following you to the salon or holding your bag), you should rebuke them. Not rebuking them gives such mockery the power to break your marriage by promoting negativity. A friend who respects you, your husband and marriage will never mock your marriage or your husband, but rather help you make it more of a success. CUT ALL NEGATIVE FRIENDS AND FAMILY OFF. Your husband and some other men out there show love in this particular way;try and appreciate it, but also let him know ways in which you like to be loved. It would be wise to ask him how you could improve the way you show him love first, that way he knows you really care about him and are not just attacking him for things he is not doing right (it really brings men down).

Try to perceive yourself and your husband as a team, each of you with your own strengths and weaknesses. Where your husband is weak, be strong for him and where you are weak, he will also be strong; that way you complement each other.

My dear, I wish you all the best and remember, DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION. You can make this work.xx

optimusprime2:

I carefully read your whole writeup, hence my whole quote... Firstly (Pardon me for being Blunt) I think you are quite a Naive, selfish and shallow woman who is insensitive to a man as delicate natured as your husband- for a start, I believe you are a christian, go and read the book of Proverbs chapter 31 vs 10-31 it should give you insight of the role of a good wife.
Many women pray for the kind of man you have as a husband, and here you are complaining about what you have... A wife is a friend, a partner, a buddie et al, apparently you have'nt carved out that Niche for your husband, because you have already viewed and tagged him as a weakling.
Secondly You lack the caring instinct of a mother; if you did, you would have known how to adjust your husband to fit your specs, with Love. Cant you see he is as a child to you? I wonder how you would care for kids with special needs with an attitude of insensitivity like this...
Thirdly, you are inconsiderate; Because you know that's how he is and yet you choose to exploit his shortcomings/weaknesses, then complain in the end- You should be ashamed of yourself.
Fourthly, You are the solitary lady- basically you love doing your thingys alone. It's unfortunate you married a man who values company and companionship, now in marriage, the definition of you is "Selfish" because all you lookout for is "You" ... sorry girl thats the picture I see.
Fifth, Your perspective of marriage is so shallow... And I have a deep pity for you because you still think marriage is post courtship, an indirect reflection of your psychological immaturity (Geez I'm really sorry for the bluntness but I just cant help it)
Sixth, You are just not romantic period.... (A wife beater would have suited you just fine)
If you think people will come and sympathize with you here on Nairaland for your woes and complaints on this matter, you are wrong, very wrong .... Go and analyse your shortcomings woman and fix up your marriage.
Overall I feel bad for your husband- it's really not his fault. He married a girl not a woman. (Sorry girl just being blunt)

I love this poster, you nailed it 100percent

enstack:


I had to respond to you. Perhaps you are missing the point here. I never said he is too loving or something. If i am to write all the silly things he does in the name of love you wont even be able to read it all. I just put a few.

Even neighbors around have noticed it. They have called me to order many times! His elder sister accused me of giving him a love portion. Its that bad! You call this love? Then I'm sorry i don't want such love anymore. The other day, i asked him to purchase something for me, he had no money, instead of him to talk to me about being short on funds, he went to take a loan to get it. Something that even I dont need so urgently(He is still owing his partner for it)

So sir, read again and understand! Dont be to hasty in talking or commenting. Call me a girl, Its no big deal. After all, this same Man threatened to stand in the middle of the road if i dont accompany him on his field trip. This type of a man can commit suicide if i dont give him what he wants at a given time.

Take time to pray and fast about him. Ask your pastor or any Christian brethren close to you to join in in prayer for a few days. When you're done, create time to discuss with him at home.
Tell him about your feelings, and how you don't appreciate some of the things he does in a bid to make you happy.
Tell him that he has a right to refuse you some things when they're not convenient for him, and you won't take offence. He basically does want to offend you at any time, and at the same time doesn't want you to offend him too. He probably thinks that when 2 people get married, their wills get moulded into one, and they lose their sense of individuality. He thinks 2 of you should always reason alike, want the same thing at every point in time, and do virtually the same thing always. He lacks a detailed understanding of what marriage is, probably because he's beclouded by his passion for you.
That's why I said you should pray and talk to him. I talked about prayer cos you're trying to cause an attitudinal or even personality change in an adult, so it shouldn't be easy. But I want to assure you that it's still possible.

Also on your part, you should force yourself to start making some moves to make him happy too. Like some people said, he's scared of losing you. He's so into you that he can't imagine anything taking you away from him. He's excessively obsessed with you. When you show him that you're also into him, and portray it in your actions, he'll be more at rest, and some of those tendencies will die down.

Make attempts to initiate romance as often as you can, even when you're not in the mood. Do it as a sacrifice initially, and I can bet that with time, you will start enjoying it. Deliberately force yourself to spend time with him. Find out what he wants and start doing them when it's possible for you. Also take time to call him when he's at work to find out how he's doing.
When it becomes clear to him that you're with him always, and he will never lose you, this reverence he has for you will gradually transform into a more mature love and respect.

Again, don't forget that your marriage is only one year old. This is usually the most difficult part of marriage, when couples are still learning to live with one another. Don't worry, things will iron out gradually.
He's still madly in love with you. You haven't had any child for him yet, so you probably still have that smashing, lovely body and figure. By the time your figure starts changing after giving birth, and by the time the excitement of love starts fading in him, the real man you desire will show up. My only concern is that by then, you most likely will start complaining that he doesn't love you again, and might even start accusing him of cheating.

enstack:
I had to create a new account just to post this as it's quite sensitive. It's quite lengthy too but I'll be brief. I need mature and friendly advice from people here.

When I first met my husband, it was in a library. We talked briefly and we became close. I have had past relationships in my life so I was careful as possible. I realised that he had no past relationship. He was a typical virgin and was new and I was his first girlfriend. So I felt comfortable with him. He was so kind and loving so I agreed to marry him.

Now it has gotten worse. Everytime he does anything I want without asking questions. At first I enjoyed it but now I'm starting to worry about him as it's getting out of hand. He does not display any act of manliness in the house. He behaves like my puppet or my foot stool. The other day he was watching the soccer game and I just jokingly mentioned how boring it was and I would prefer the faith channel. He changed the channel to the faith channel just like that. Even at work he would be calling me and texting me I am even scared he would loose his job if his employer finds out.

I have no time for myself.. he is always around. Sometimes if I say no to his advances for sex he would act like I am a wicked woman who has cheated him or rubbed him of his right. He would give me the silent treatment for weeks until I give in. On Sunday he insisted on going with me to the salon and it's now embarrassing as every Sunday my mates in the salon would gossip about how my husband is the only man amongst women making their hairs because his wife is there. I try to talk to him but he would feel so sad like I have taken smething away. I don't understand.

If I'm studying at night, he would suddenly begin to romance me and strip me of my clothing without saying anything first when he can see I'm studying. If I rebuke him, he would be very sad. Every time he must have one intimate relation with me everyday and life does not work that way. I don't know if it's immaturity or he is sick mentally. The day I returned home 11pm due to huge traffic jam, I was expecting him to be furious like any other man.. he was with all smiles even offered me water and collected my bag and books. Christ.

I need sincere help. I told his family that I'll file a divorce if this continues as I cannot live like this. It's no longer love but idolatry. I thought it's wives that are submissive.. he is the one submissive. Anything I ask... he grants even silly things. Things that a real man would query before granting.

I am sure that if I ask him to bathe in acid he would do it. I'm sick and tired of this marriage. Just a year. The last quater he gave me his ATM to spend when I went for training in Abuja. When I was spending excessively he was quiet about it until I returned and found it he was broke that i wrecked him. I was wondering what happened to him. Why didn't he talk?

Please Nairalanders what is happening? I love him still and divorce would be my last resort. I need your advice and help on how to fix this because I don't know what to do anymore.

Thank you all.

There is a saying that goes thus, u dnt knw d value of what u have until u loose it. Ur husband loves u so much, for u to ve such a man, love and respect him in return, satisfy him sexually when u can, and I can bet u, ur marriage will be made in heaven. In marriage whatever people say is none of ur biz, whether he goes wit u to d salon or to market, should nt concern u.

Dnt try to change that man, cos when u do, u will be the one that will suffer it. Many ladies are wishing to be in ur shoes cos a husband's love is d greatest gift he can give to his wife. Gracias.

Strahovski:
Op, I feel your pain... I read your post from beginning to end and it can be scary for someone like you. You mentioned studying and training. seems you are furthering your education so I can imagine hw you would fee. But this is it. Also I like how you broke it in paragraphs so it won't look so long a messy. Nice. Many people would misunderstand the op.

Edit: The op is not saying her husband is too loving! Neither is she selfish or wicked. She is even a good person. From her writeup,if she says "Kill yourself" to her husband he would do it. It's not right so those silly comments below should be edited by the silly posters. The man is obsessed. It's dangerous for her very soon it would become obvious in public and you know the society would start accusing her of using metaphysical powers on him. So she wants to fix it now before it advances.

Back to the topic:

In your first/second paragraph you said it all. You were his first love. He was new to romance. And now you are married so he is carried away with it. He wants to make you happy that's all. And I can bet that he has been crushing on you before two of you met one on one. So for him To finally get you, he wants to keep you but he got it all wrong. It's normal in life.. something you have always desired finally comes your way of course you would protect it. So he is acting silly and idolizing you because he wants to keep you around.

I advice you talk to him. Sit him down and explain things to him let him know you love him for the man he is that he does not have to do silly things to please you. He knows it's nt right. I'm sure but he has no choice. So let him knw there is a choice. Give him the assurance you are his forever. That's all
Its just communication. And as for intimacy, he likes you, but you need to let him know that you value your study time and once in a while make the move too. Let him know you too can make the move not him alone so he does not have to do it always. And also there might be something about you that drives hm crazy which he does not want to depart from him.. ask him he will tell you. It could be your eyes, your accent, your voice, or even your fingers or your hair or skin or legs.. talk to him that's my point.

#TeamNoDivorce

Edit: Hmmmmm FTC

Hmmm. Well said. U sound like a psychologist. Great advice and display of understanding.

I wish I am the one in charge of sending Thunder to fire people. I would have generously sent 4 to fire the OP

blublahd:
Reminds me of my first actual relationship.. But I thank God,, that babe really tear my eye wide opened and the friends I had then.
Funny how things can change though..... Smh

totally understand you Bro. I think her husband didnt get enough experience before marrying her. He is still trying to please her 100%. Thats d problem
its sad that people don't understand her plight here.

A Pet or a Prey. .
Who will you prefer?
I wld advice that y'all should get a marriage counselor.