₦airaland Forum

ikp120:
Hmmm. Good you've started ignoring him.

No, it doesn't really spell troubles. It will reveal how honest and open the guy is with you. No girl should be dating a guy who is not honest and open with her.

The problem is that most girls hardly ask really deep questions that have the potential to reveal the guy's real nature.

As for me, I'm even the one who asks the questions most of the time when I'm trying to get to know a girl. That's really the only way to see through a person.

Filashade:
what do you mean? I don't seem to get you(sorry)

Filashade:
Lool I was always too scared to ask. But what questions do you generally ask?

Filashade:
Thanks for your advice. I have been contemplating breaking up with him for a while now but since ai dont date that much and since I am young and naive, I just wanted the opinion of the grown ups first.

Filashade:
Lol l never had sex with him so that's out of the question. I would like to wait before marriage thanks.

Well he makes me laugh, he is a good listener and is very attentive, he always calls to check up on me and texts and just the little things you know etc although he is annoyed we have not been intimate yet but I already told him he has to wait if we do get married.

But I just want to see how I can motivate him you know. I don't want to change him i just want him to be ambitious but that that means changing him right? And do you motivate someone when you have spoken to them etc and they will change for a few days hen go back to it although he is working now which is a good start but I don't know how long that will last and the fact that he begs me for money is another thing.

boiz2men:
If the boy were on nairaland. He would Break up with you first after reading all these.


I have a feeling if you even break up with him, he wouldn't care. He would just move on.

Dude is not gonna come begging, who dates a girl without sexing her.

Where that one dey happen


He is still bearing the title ya bf cos of the money you give him.

Cos a guy I don't Sex is ya friend not ya bf.


How does one know ya bf from ya friends

I think it's Sex that makes the difference

JeffreyJamez:
You see why a lot of you are in messed up relationships?...When all y'all think about is Sex.....Rubbish.

boiz2men:
Bros I hope you not fvcking ya gf o. Cos this hypocrisy go make u go hell

JeffreyJamez:
I don't have one.... and don't intend to have any till further notice.

boiz2men:
Huh


How old are you

JeffreyJamez:
Old enough to know that relationship is not all about Sex.

boiz2men:
If the boy were on nairaland. He would Break up with you first after reading all these.


I have a feeling if you even break up with him, he wouldn't care. He would just move on.

Dude is not gonna come begging, who dates a girl without sexing her.

Where that one dey happen


He is still bearing the title ya bf cos of the money you give him.

Cos a guy I don't Sex is ya friend not ya bf.


How does one know ya bf from ya friends

I think it's Sex that makes the difference

cloudyskygrind:
Ok i don't normally do this but you got it...
I'm no relationship expert (no one is) but I can tell that you're very inexperienced and this has got no'in to do with love. This is probably your first relationship?, you think you are in love but no, you aren't.

You're so called boyfriend has got no issue, the truth is, he's not in a relationship with you - he's not in a relationship with anyone not even himself. He needs to be alone to sort out himself

What you need to do is concentrate on understanding relationships as an adult because right now you're grossly naive like countless young girls in the UK.

Love is exaggerated

JeffreyJamez:
You see why a lot of you are in messed up relationships?...When all y'all think about is Sex.....Rubbish.

Ishilove:
You are a grown up yourself, dear and you have already started taking grown up decisions. Relationships go beyond a guy being 'nice' or clearing plates for you; it has to be defined from the outset. What are the long term goals of the relationship? Why are we dating in the first place? What do I hope to achieve by being in a relationship with this person? How have I gained from dating this person? How has it helped to build me up as an individual?

DEFINITION and DESTINATION should guide every relationship. Personally, I have never dated anyone for just dating's sake because I don't have the patience for useless things or people in my life.

From all you have written, the one you're currently in is paracitic instead of mutually beneficial. In addition, your bf is lazy, immature and has no focus in life: a deadly combo.

Leave him and focus on building your life. You won't die if you fly solo

Ishilove:
You are a grown up yourself, dear and you have already started taking grown up decisions. Relationships go beyond a guy being 'nice' or clearing plates for you; it has to be defined from the outset. What are the long term goals of the relationship? Why are we dating in the first place? What do I hope to achieve by being in a relationship with this person? How have I gained from dating this person? How has it helped to build me up as an individual?

DEFINITION and DESTINATION should guide every relationship. Personally, I have never dated anyone for just dating's sake because I don't have the patience for useless things or people in my life.

From all you have written, the one you're currently in is paracitic instead of mutually beneficial. In addition, your bf is lazy, immature and has no focus in life: a deadly combo.

Leave him and focus on building your life. You won't die if you fly solo

boiz2men:
Alright when you done masturbating try to get a gf.

Masturbation isn't good for ya health

Cheers

Filashade:
Thanks for your advice. I am still young and learning. While I was with him I was thinking about how happy I was being single and how miserable and sad I was while with him and couldnt wait to be single again.

I actually feel happy now that its all over. The feeling of being single is such a blessing and it has only been a couple of hours.

I hope to not let this happen in my next relationship. I guess I had all the patience to see if he would change but knew that at the age of 22, I cant be wasting my time with a 23 year old who doesnt even hv the balls to do his own assignment and is still repating uni. By the time he gets his act together he would probably be 30 and darling, I am only 22 and want to enjoy my life lool.

Thanks you once again

Filashade:
LOOOOOOOL!!! Now this is the same reason why I dont have sex with men because that is all you think about when you date a girl.
Also what is the point in having sex when he has nothing to offer me apart from sex and being nice to me? A relationship is more than just sex. Plus I dont want to have sex with a man who only wants my money and also if he is broke and I get pregnant I am gonna be the one suffering and regretting and I would have to take care of the baby all byself just coz my man is still a baby himself.

So please I have already broken up with him and blocked his number. I dont have time to waste. If your gonna base a relationship on just sex, you are not the kind of man I want. So go and find someone who want as ur intimacy gadget.

Have a good day sir.

boiz2men:
Babe you were too fast.


You blocked the dude already


Too fast.


Ppo complain about me. They say I don't call. they know I care but cos I don't call as often as I should. They think am less caring. My mum, siblings, friends all say this.

They also complain that I'm not serious. I'm lazy etc

But the truth is that I am quite secretive. Like I already told you I'm an ambitious person. In fact, there are so many tech projects am working on right now but no one knows except my co-founder and team.


My mum when she comes over always complain that am always with my computer. She thinks am chatting.

Because am always on my laptop. I have very few friends and they complain that u don't call. I don't go out. They would probably think I'm nor ambitious.

But then am cooking something that would shock them all.


Ya guy might be like that. He probably is secretive too like me and he is unto something.

Blocking him outright cos of what u read here isn't the way to go.

Give him time and say no when he asks for money henceforth. If he doesn't go, he is a good guy. If not, block him


My 3cent

JeffreyJamez:
I see you've made a decision,a right one at that. Being single and happy is better than being in a one sided toxic relationship. When the time is right,I believe you now know what to look out for in a potential boyfriend.

JeffreyJamez:
Smh ....This is what happens to you when you're pyschologically damaged but don't even know it...So to you ,any guy who's not having regular sex is masturbating? ......You do know that there are MANY more important things in life than sexual pleasure,yeah?... and many more things that are more pleasurable than sex.

Kill that mentality my friend,

Greedgod:
must all relationshp lead to marriage ? Its just ONE life with 25years of youth . ENJOY LIFE

Filashade:
That is why I am here coz he is a nice guy and I don't want to give up on him. But I have tried to but he changes then goes back to his old ways. I want him to be man and not a boy, I want him to grow or of his childish in asking me to do things for him and instead do things himself.

But what suggestions can you give to motivate him?

Filashade:
I actually agree with you.

Single people are much more happy that people who are in relationships or married. Its like they are so miserable and I can also see it with my parents too.

My dad is tryna eat to cake at once. My dad seems to not want to let my mum live her life(they are not married) and is always harassing her etc while his wife(my step mum) is just there. He doesnt want to let go of one of them.

So darling, I hv watched since the age of 9 and I know marriage isnt all that it looks like. It is a lot of work.

Filashade:
Thanks for your advice. I am still young and learning. While I was with him I was thinking about how happy I was being single and how miserable and sad I was while with him and couldnt wait to be single again.

I actually feel happy now that its all over. The feeling of being single is such a blessing and it has only been a couple of hours.

I hope to not let this happen in my next relationship. I guess I had all the patience to see if he would change but knew that at the age of 22, I cant be wasting my time with a 23 year old who doesnt even hv the balls to do his own assignment and is still repating uni. By the time he gets his act together he would probably be 30 and darling, I am only 22 and want to enjoy my life lool.

Thanks you once again

Ishilove:
Lol. He is repeating Uni? You're patient o.

Your next relationship will definitely be better than this last one because you will use lessons learnt to direct it.

Filashade:
Hey Guys,

So I have a bf who I have been dating for 5 months now and I have this issue which i have overlooked severally and told myself that I might be paranoid but I am beginning to think otherwise.

So I am 22 an engineer and my bf is 23 and a Yoruba guy who repeated his first year again on another course and is going to uni full time. I work full time and go to school part time very saturdays and I am in my final year about to finish in August.

Now the issue I have with him is that, he never has any money at all ever since I have none him, he has never bought me not even a £0.10 sweet and I am not a materialistic girl. He is always broke and I gave him £50 for his birthday and he needed £50 the last time which I gave him and now he wants me to lend him £50 and promised to give me back and I hv ignored his request.

Now what really pains me the most is the fact that all he does is play video games all day, told me he was on a football betting website or some sort, wasnt working before until I told him and he got a job but now he had an interview like 2 days ago but told me the company dont care about their staff and are not a good company. So he asked me to text him a message on his number pretending to be the company and say his interview was re-scheduled and I found that odd and was gonna ask him why but I didnt say anything and did it anyways but sill kept it at the back of my mind.

Throughout our relationship, he had a coursework/assignment to do and he asked me like 2 do his assignment for him as in and I was working and also going to school and he only goes to school 2 days in one week and at the time was not working so I was like he wasnt doing anything at all but all he does is watch movies all day or play games. Anyways coz I know men say we women nag a lot I kept my cool and tried my best to find some good sites he could do a research on and he still asked me if that is good enough for his assignment and I was like look I am here busy at work and also have my own assignment or exams to do and he said its okay dont worry.

Now another time he had a letter to write for someone who needed a stay permenently in the UK and he had a letter already but needed to type it out and fill in the blanks its sort of like a template and this guys asked me to type the letter for him and I was like seriously? Anyways again, I am very patient person and didnt say anything and even though I was busy a work I still typed it out for him and removed from of the errors and sent it to him and he got angry and said why did I change some of the things he letter that when he ask me to do somethign that I should follow instructions, now that is the moment I lost it with him and told him how ungrateful he is and didnt even say thank you. I told never to ask me to do anything for him ever again and he apologised and we moved on.

Now we were supposed to meet up yesterday but hr had asked me remeber to borrow him £50 but I told him early that since I left my previos job like last week for a new one that starts next week, my previous company paid me less/deducted some amount coz I was sick for a week and the policy is that you are not eligible for SSP so sick pay after your resignation notice period so I told him I was gonna be skint this month and my parents bday is february and also I have three brothers and my parents who I still leave with by the way gave me the responsibility sine I started working 3 years and 6 months ago to pay for my brothers food and give them anything they need like toothpaste etc or just money in general (apparently so that I know how it feels to be responsible and take care of a family but I know damn well that isnt true and they just wanted a break from taking care of my brothers and saw my independence of work as an excuse but that is a story for another day - by the way I live with my step mum and my dad). My brothers are now 19, 19 (twins) and 21 but now two of them have student loans and one of the twins is still in college so I still have to take care of him and myself.

So since I have told my bf about this severally, for him to asked me to borrow him money has just made me loose it. For crying out loud yes he is still young and is 23 but I expect him to be at least working, I dont care what the job is as long as it is legal. But know all he wants to do is live with his brother who works by the way and sleep, watch tv and play video games all though.

Don't get me wrong, he is nice and all but he is not ambitious, I have asked him want he wants to become severally and he says he does not know and his new degree course he is doing, he doesnt seem to enjoy or know what he is doing. Although I must say he loves to cook and he gave me some rice and stew which I though was cute of him and was delicious and I thanked him.

Also the last straw was that sine I hadn't seen him for like 5 weeks or so, I was like why dont we meet up this friday (that was from last week) and he asked me what should we do when we meet and I was like hey, lets go the movies etc you know coz I am an old fashion girl anyways, he said movies? and i said yh? and he was like nooo thats rubbish. We should do something else and I was like okay what? He started laughing and said don't you know that body no be firewood and said he wants to have sex and says thats I annoy him at times coz I dont want to have sex and wants to show me some styles we could do and then I knew what sort of guy I was dealing with but again I didnt say anything and hanged up.

So please people before I break up with him because I have had it up to here with him, am I being paranoid or overracting a little or am I a gold digger as you men call it coz I think I have been patient long enough. I have spoken to him about this asked him if I was a booty call babe to him and he said know that I am his girl.

But he doesnt want to go outside as he make silly excuses like, its cold oh I dont have any money or if I come over to his house, oh there is no food in the house so you will have to buy something or the last time I was on my way home from work and he called and said , hey I am hungry can you please buy me some food maybe at Nandos (nandos aint cheap!!) and come over. I was like OMG. Anyways, again I was patient but was about to loose it and I spent over £30 that night for both myself and for him since I though I will be spending time with him. I reached his house, gave him his food and I was expecting him to come and join me and eat his but know, he went to the living room and was playing games and chatting on the phone (whenever I come over he is always on the phone or about to make a call- sigh) anyways, I finished my food and he still hadnt come to the room to eat with me what I bought and he would come to check on me then pack the plate (which is sweet but anyways, it dont cut it). Then he asked me when am I leaving so that his brother can come and sleep, and bare this in mind, I always hear his brother in the house but never see him etc but anyways, I told him I am gonna leave and he asked me if I want him to walk me to the station and I said no, dont bother and I know he could tell I was pissed but I didnt care if I stayed any more second I would have lost it.

Now guys, please tell me I am an ediot for wasting my time with this dude? a lot of people say women love to complain about things and love to nag etc and dont know when a guy loves them but please is it wrong to have a guy who is ambitious, working, or has a plan for the future or something and isnt just sitting in his house the whole day playing games and watching tv. Like I don't understand.

Coz I am about to loose it, he called me yesterday and I told him to whatsapp me coz I am busy(I LIED coz I didnt want to talk to him and just wanted my space) and he boldy said "call me when you are free".

Am I freaking out for no reason guys?

Sorry for the long post but I am just tired of this!! Sorry for any mistaked and punctuation's I may have missed, I am literally writing this on my phone.

Greedgod:
see my frnd , highlight wat makes u hapi- if its watching movies once a month -do it , if its hanging out with frnds- hang out, if it involves making money via work -den work, if it involves going to comedy shows -attend , if its sex -find someone . Etc
One day u'll get old , either u smile and wish to be yung again / u'll be bitter regretting how u hinged ur happiness on people . Keep making m oney my frnd and chase fun !! If possible have sex and lots of it cos one day u'll be too old to have it .