₦airaland Forum

Really think it's not worth t.... If u stay too long on one guy, u end up sending other prospective suitors away, n if unfortunately he doesn't end up with u... U become a regular attendant of marriage seminars n vigils

What am I trying to say "man up"... Sorry, woman up, n talk to him..... What's d worse that can happen??

This is an unnecessary tension really.. .
As a life lesson, I think it's important we keep assessing our relationships with people to know where we stand and be objective.
My point is, you gotta step up and objectively determine what you want with him, this drama is not healthy for either of you. You gotta have that conversation where nothing is implied. It could go either way, if it fortunately doesn't go your way, then you need to cut ties totally, would be difficult [being there] but you would be better off knowing your place in the scheme of things.

sauceEEP:
100% possible for some guys but I can't say for a babe.

100% for some girls too. I legit have some friends who I hang out with strictly based on friendship. And we enjoy one another's company. No feelings attached from either party. But our relationship is not up to this one o. Where we talk almost all the time. If were not talking we're chatting. Share our deepest secrets. Find it reluctant to leave each other's company, etc. Can this be 100% platonic?

rex444:
Must marriage be the bus stop of every man and woman friendship?

No. I have other male friends and I'm not thinking marriage with them.

omega25red:
postermy only advice to you is get bold and let your feelings be known. why are you torturing yourself? you care about this guy and you have a feeling that he cares for you so, why not let your feelings be known for real. Forget all the a man is supposed to do this vs a woman is supposed to do that.

you withdrawing from him will hurt more than anything and seriously its immature. if you are trying to break free for real, let your feelings be known. if he likes you, then happily ever after if he says no then the anger will propel you far apart and kill the friendship.

by the way, is he single? and why are you still single? have you ever wondered that he is not attracted to you like that (not an insult just noting the fact that there are different strokes for different folks)

I just don't want to be forward because;
1. I have been honest with him in the past. About 5 years ago. I recall how that one turned out.
2. I know he's not a fan of being pushed cos he gists me about other girls.
He's been single for more than a year and I broke up with my ex almost a year ago.

magabounce:
Yes I knew she did!! A whole lot @ dat!! Buh my thoughts weren't on dating.
She kept saying am making her falll in love wf me, I sha thought it was all jokes

So you just strung her along? How is that fair?

dingbang:
but why did u put up defensive mode? U ladies should understand that men are not psychic beings... How long will you both continue like this? Or do u want to end up being his chief bride's maid?

Do you expect her to just give in like that becos she has feelings for him...

Dear have he seen you as his hard earned price?...coz that where VALUE sets in..

Izen:
I just don't want to be forward because;
1. I have been honest with him in the past. About 5 years ago. I recall how that one turned out.
2. I know he's not a fan of being pushed cos he gists me about other girls.
He's been single for more than a year and I broke up with my ex almost a year ago.

sista i get you but you are now making decisions for yourself that will end your friendship because you know how you are feeling. So if you are actually willing to end the friendship by withdrawing until he gets the "memo" then why not throw a hail mary pass? IF he hates being pushed and he is messing with your emotions, you need to push him so you can cut your losses quickly and move on or start something that will be a great story.

it's better you remain in that sister zone. make you dey collect AC for body.

The main zone is war, only the strong can survive

Would have made a 3rd class honours in the university if I could read that long write-up!

Izen:
Hi guys. I'm in an emotional dilemma and I think the pressure of yet another Valentine's day without a boo is getting to me. Please as much as my write up might piss you off, please try not to insult me. I'm trying to avoid a total meltdown. Thanks in advance.

So there's this guy, we've been very close friends for six years now. There has always been romantic feelings on my part and I used to have the tiniest bit of hope that it was mutual. This was until he started dating a mutual friend. What hurt the most was that he tried to hide it from me despite our closeness. He claims it wasn't his idea though.

Let's just say I borrowed myself brain after that or so I thought. I started avoiding him as much as I could but he wouldn't let me be. He eventually asked me point blank if I liked him and after much beating about the bush, I answered in the affirmative. Apparently, other friends of ours had had to call his attention to my crush on him cos dude was clueless, "according to him". I asked him if he felt the same way and he told me that I was like a little sister to him. Alas, I was sister-zoned. Note that the age gap between us is barely more than a year. He told me he wouldn't lose me as a friend because I was special. Why wouldn't he just let me go?
Fast forward to a year+, he broke up with the mutual friend though I remained friends with both of them. I had nothing to do with the break up o. I was more comfortable rekindling our close friendship then since there was no longer a conflict of interest. It took me almost two years to get over him so at that time, my heart had moved on to other prospective guys.

Years down the line, I had to change locations to another state. It was one he was familiar with and had and still has a lot of business dealings in. Let's just say I still get to see him a lot.

We both dated other people. I got badly burnt by my ex and he was there for me. The tough love kind. As we spoke about my ex, that was when it hit me. This guy has always and probably will always have my back. I felt so comfortable sharing details with him. I knew then that I missed him a lot. I've been wondering what could have been between us ever since then. In fact, I started referring to him as my best friend. I know it's only a matter of time before it's necessary to let go of that bond tho. He's gone get married to his true bestie one day.

The thing now his, he's changed a bit. I know this because we've been friends a long time and I know him well. The calls have been more frequent, longer, etc. He always tries to see me when he can, same with me. This has got me wondering if this is the way normal friendships between the opposite sex are. He now says things like, "You're this and that and it's probably why you have an issue with XX. You do the same to me but I've come to accept it, there's nothing I can do about it". I interpreted this as him sticking with me flaws and all.
At one of our discussions, he told me he would love to marry someone he's known for a long time and he used us as an example. I went on the defensive immediately and told him I couldn't marry him. That bothered him a lot and he didn't stop until he pressed me for a reason. I threw his question back in his face and asked him if he could marry me and he said yes. I pushed harder and asked if he would marry me (not as a proposal lol), he laughed about this. I eventually told him I couldn't marry him cos he hasn't proposed to me and I cannot propose to him. When he tried to form, "so you'll marry me if I ask you to", I just asked to drop the topic totally.

I know I'm supposed to be elated but instead I'm hurt. I feel like I've been emotionally played and I'm still being played in my best years. How can he do this now? Does he know how much it cost me to try to get over him the first time? Apparently, I never fully succeeded. He's toying with my emotions again and I believe he knows that. I wanted to remind him that he sister-zoned me but I held back. I can't do this again guys. Please, I just can't.
Do you think he now has romantic feelings for me but he's deliberately holding back. Do you think he's trying to give me hints? I'm tempted to shut this friendship down totally. I can't go through this heartbreak again. It hurt the first time and I'm sure it'll hurt more this time. I know shutting down this friendship will be like a break up for me cos he's been such a huge part of my life but I think that's the only way I can truly get over him. I may or may not tell him but I plan to gradually withdraw. No calls, no texts, until he gets the memo. I really need to heal cos my relationship with him has indirectly affected other relationships I have. I'm falling madly in love with him again and I need it to stop.

So guys, please should I let go now or should I hold on to a little hope that he comes around based on his recent actions.?

I am going to advice you like my own *sister* (play on words), My advice is to ignore him emotionally and focus with yourself, it seems he doesn't know what he wants, because all the time you're pondering whether if he likes you or not, you could use it to either do something else or focus on the next relationship. Want i find annoying is the playing with the proposal part, it's like he's testing how you feel for him emotionally, sometimes he might just get the satisfaction knowing you always have something for him and he might not be interested but just happy to know someone is dying for him.

TLDR: Shun him and move on, if he's lucky you might still be available when he knows what he wants.

I beat around the bush with a babe when i was in school my eyes opened when she dated someone now i can even see how annoying it is sef.

Don't date him,if the feeling is mutual I swear he would have asked u out....cut ties with him and move on.. ..

OP no trust that nigga.

From Proposal play, next na to the Oza Room

Which will only lead to more hurt for you when he has collected his share

Tread carefully

shortgun:
Phew! I read it all but no comment....maybe d person below me is not as drunk as I am.

Almost made me spit out my peppersoup

oluwashola4me:
...Do you think he now has romantic feelings for me but he's deliberately holding back. Do you think he's trying to give me hints? I'm tempted to shut this friendship down totally. I can't go through this heartbreak again. It hurt the first time and I'm sure it'll hurt more this time. I know shutting down this friendship will be like a break up for me cos he's been such a huge part of my life but I think that's the only way I can truly get over him. I may or may not tell him but I plan to gradually withdraw. No calls, no texts, until he gets the memo. I really need to heal cos my relationship with him has indirectly affected other relationships I have. I'm falling madly in love with him again and I need it to stop.

Please, you need to cut all ties with him ASAP.
It's obvious he doesn't see you as his potential significant half; despite everything you feel for him.

Also, from your narration, I deduced that your love for him has spanned many years, which points that you ain't longer a kid, so GET OVER HIM!

My comments on Nairaland are so few, I only comment on seldom occasions; but I was intrigued by your experience, and I feel your pain.

Take heart!

Preach on broo!!!

Eno koin syn me

oluwashola4me:
...Do you think he now has romantic feelings for me but he's deliberately holding back. Do you think he's trying to give me hints? I'm tempted to shut this friendship down totally. I can't go through this heartbreak again. It hurt the first time and I'm sure it'll hurt more this time. I know shutting down this friendship will be like a break up for me cos he's been such a huge part of my life but I think that's the only way I can truly get over him. I may or may not tell him but I plan to gradually withdraw. No calls, no texts, until he gets the memo. I really need to heal cos my relationship with him has indirectly affected other relationships I have. I'm falling madly in love with him again and I need it to stop.

Please, you need to cut all ties with him ASAP.
It's obvious he doesn't see you as his potential significant half; despite everything you feel for him.

Also, from your narration, I deduced that your love for him has spanned many years, which points that you ain't longer a kid, so GET OVER HIM!

My comments on Nairaland are so few, I only comment on seldom occasions; but I was intrigued by your experience, and I feel your pain.

Take heart!

This

Izen:
Hi guys. I'm in an emotional dilemma and I think the pressure of yet another Valentine's day without a boo is getting to me. Please as much as my write up might piss you off, please try not to insult me. I'm trying to avoid a total meltdown. Thanks in advance.

So there's this guy, we've been very close friends for six years now. There has always been romantic feelings on my part and I used to have the tiniest bit of hope that it was mutual. This was until he started dating a mutual friend. What hurt the most was that he tried to hide it from me despite our closeness. He claims it wasn't his idea though.

Let's just say I borrowed myself brain after that or so I thought. I started avoiding him as much as I could but he wouldn't let me be. He eventually asked me point blank if I liked him and after much beating about the bush, I answered in the affirmative. Apparently, other friends of ours had had to call his attention to my crush on him cos dude was clueless, "according to him". I asked him if he felt the same way and he told me that I was like a little sister to him. Alas, I was sister-zoned. Note that the age gap between us is barely more than a year. He told me he wouldn't lose me as a friend because I was special. Why wouldn't he just let me go?
Fast forward to a year+, he broke up with the mutual friend though I remained friends with both of them. I had nothing to do with the break up o. I was more comfortable rekindling our close friendship then since there was no longer a conflict of interest. It took me almost two years to get over him so at that time, my heart had moved on to other prospective guys.

Years down the line, I had to change locations to another state. It was one he was familiar with and had and still has a lot of business dealings in. Let's just say I still get to see him a lot.

We both dated other people. I got badly burnt by my ex and he was there for me. The tough love kind. As we spoke about my ex, that was when it hit me. This guy has always and probably will always have my back. I felt so comfortable sharing details with him. I knew then that I missed him a lot. I've been wondering what could have been between us ever since then. In fact, I started referring to him as my best friend. I know it's only a matter of time before it's necessary to let go of that bond tho. He's gone get married to his true bestie one day.

The thing now his, he's changed a bit. I know this because we've been friends a long time and I know him well. The calls have been more frequent, longer, etc. He always tries to see me when he can, same with me. This has got me wondering if this is the way normal friendships between the opposite sex are. He now says things like, "You're this and that and it's probably why you have an issue with XX. You do the same to me but I've come to accept it, there's nothing I can do about it". I interpreted this as him sticking with me flaws and all.
At one of our discussions, he told me he would love to marry someone he's known for a long time and he used us as an example. I went on the defensive immediately and told him I couldn't marry him. That bothered him a lot and he didn't stop until he pressed me for a reason. I threw his question back in his face and asked him if he could marry me and he said yes. I pushed harder and asked if he would marry me (not as a proposal lol), he laughed about this. I eventually told him I couldn't marry him cos he hasn't proposed to me and I cannot propose to him. When he tried to form, "so you'll marry me if I ask you to", I just asked to drop the topic totally.

I know I'm supposed to be elated but instead I'm hurt. I feel like I've been emotionally played and I'm still being played in my best years. How can he do this now? Does he know how much it cost me to try to get over him the first time? Apparently, I never fully succeeded. He's toying with my emotions again and I believe he knows that. I wanted to remind him that he sister-zoned me but I held back. I can't do this again guys. Please, I just can't.
Do you think he now has romantic feelings for me but he's deliberately holding back. Do you think he's trying to give me hints? I'm tempted to shut this friendship down totally. I can't go through this heartbreak again. It hurt the first time and I'm sure it'll hurt more this time. I know shutting down this friendship will be like a break up for me cos he's been such a huge part of my life but I think that's the only way I can truly get over him. I may or may not tell him but I plan to gradually withdraw. No calls, no texts, until he gets the memo. I really need to heal cos my relationship with him has indirectly affected other relationships I have. I'm falling madly in love with him again and I need it to stop.

So guys, please should I let go now or should I hold on to a little hope that he comes around based on his recent actions.?

hmmm, this is what happens when you buy android phone for an 8 year old.

showmeurpenis:
Blah blah bah

Have you seen his _penis

oya, come and be going

Sister, that bros get one special option he has been working on for long, you are just a stop-gap whenever things fall apart. I belt he'll never tell you about her. Just let him go. If that option ultimately fails he'll rush to you and propose marriage so soon. But still risky. Just be and move on...

Izen:
So you just strung her along? How is that fair?

I didn't string her along!!
The circumstances surrounding us kinda limited my vision!!
She took the bold step apparently!!
Chicken me

@Izen

I don't envy the guy who ends up marrying you and you are not over your crush. I hope you have the courage to totally move on in the instance your desires of dating this guy does not materialize.

Izen:
Hi guys. I'm in an emotional dilemma.
.?

I dont comment on threads apart from Job related, but i have to say this.
You really really have to let him go, stop calling, stop texting. he will definitely ask whats the issue, always say "its Nothing".
I dont know you, but i am advising you from experience.
Let it go and move on, if he wants you, he will come ask u out.

AfterEarth:
Babe .. The thing tire me.

I'm just going through comments .. With that I'll know what the OP was actually insinuating ..

Between .. @OP don't ask me for any relationship advice because I'm single and I promote breakups ..

#OyaTakeKiss

Break up promoter

it wasn't that long i read it under five minutes, children of nowadays

DeepFriedPuff:
[color=coral]wait?? U actually read that?[/color]

crate:
Babe the fact here is that the guy loves u but He's confused due to the presence of other people in his life and it's also clear that u love him more which is making him scared I will advice u to give him space so he will and appreciate you more

this man made a wrong point, so

I'm just impressed with your command of English and near-perfect spellings and tenses. Good job!
As for the story, I'm not an expert at advising on matters of the heart. I believe justice has been done to that by now by the good people in here(I am yet to read the comments).
I just have this thing for brilliant girls!

**edited**
I've now read the comments and there are quite a handful of good ones.
I also think you are the guy's backup and that you should give him space and let him come for you if he really wants you.
I'm outta here!

oluwashola4me:
...Do you think he now has romantic feelings for me but he's deliberately holding back. Do you think he's trying to give me hints? I'm tempted to shut this friendship down totally. I can't go through this heartbreak again. It hurt the first time and I'm sure it'll hurt more this time. I know shutting down this friendship will be like a break up for me cos he's been such a huge part of my life but I think that's the only way I can truly get over him. I may or may not tell him but I plan to gradually withdraw. No calls, no texts, until he gets the memo. I really need to heal cos my relationship with him has indirectly affected other relationships I have. I'm falling madly in love with him again and I need it to stop.

Please, you need to cut all ties with him ASAP.
It's obvious he doesn't see you as his potential significant half; despite everything you feel for him.

Also, from your narration, I deduced that your love for him has spanned many years, which points that you ain't longer a kid, so GET OVER HIM!

My comments on Nairaland are so few, I only comment on seldom occasions; but I was intrigued by your experience, and I feel your pain.

Take heart!

this person also made a stupid comment, so

AfterEarth:
Babe .. The thing tire me.

I'm just going through comments .. With that I'll know what the OP was actually insinuating ..

Between .. @OP don't ask me for any relationship advice because I'm single and I promote breakups ..

#OyaTakeKiss

Buh ur siggy says u do research.. How come u can't read dat pamphlet up dea The FBI tho

LeView:
Life is simple we just complicate things.

Instead of having a relationship with him in your head you could just speak to him. All this we are so close crap yet you can't tell him what's important. Lol! Us women are soo crazy! I love where you blamed him for doing something he doesn't even know he is doing! When will we quit this victim card we pull out whenever we are emotionally confused! Tell the man what's eating you up! Tell him with a smile that you need a little space to clear your head because your friendship is making you feel a connection that might not be there.


Ps for future reference! Men and women who are attracted to each other can never be friends! Maybe If there were no feelings especially from you because you are the one who complicated things here by befriending a man you love.

Stop being a coward if he's such a great friend he will understand. Although your relationship /friendship sounds a bit fake. Anyway, do the right thing and not the easy thing that's my advice to you.

Goat and yam comes to mind

ikp120:
Which kinda joke be this na? The guy has come for you and you dey form say he hurt you. Abeg Gerarahia mehn.

E be like say you never ready for something serious. You still dey do Telemundo

i think this is the comment av been looking for