AfterEarth:
I don't get @bolded.

Thought you promote break ups?
Emphasis on "break-ups" needing initial hook-ups to occur, gerrit?

yinnocent32:
are you serious?

SHE HAVE BEEN EXPECTING THE GUY TO COME FOR HER FOR LIKE SIX YEARS NOW SHE SHOULD GO FOR THE GUY. DIDNT THEY SAY YOU DONT CONTINUE DOING SAME THING AND EXPECT A DIFFERENT RESULT?. I WOULD NOT HAVE SAID THIS IF THE GUY DOES NOT HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER MIND YOU. BUT THIS GUY I SEE IS SO OVERWHELMED BY HIS FEELINGS FOR HER AND HE IS CONFUSED. MORE? IN HIS SUBCONSCIOUSNESS HE HAS PROPOSED O. ITS SIMILAR TO GUYS NOT SAYING I LOVE YOU BUT CAN DO ANYTHING AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR I LOVE YOU. THIS IS WHY THE BAD GIRL WILL BE QUICK TO GRAB GUYS LIKE THIS BECAUSE THEY KNOW WHAT AM TALKING ABOUT. GUYS IN THEIR REAL SELF SELF WILL NEVER AGREE THEY ARE IN LOVE THEY TAG IT WEAKNESS.... SAME WITH PROPOSAL. FORGET ABOUT ALL THOSE DRAMA PROPOSAL EVERYWHERE THEY ARE MAKE- BELIEVE. READ THROUGH YOU WILL REALISED THAT THE GUY HAD PROPOSED BUT THE OP HAS A STEREOTYPE PROPOSAL PROCEDURE. BAD GIRLS ARE NOT AFTER THAT. BAD BOYS? ITS THEIR WAY. THANKS FOR QUOTING ME IT FEELS NICE I DONT POST OFTEN

DeeTus:
Really?

Yesterday, I met a chick but out of the blue, she started gaming me. She said I looked very familiar and asked if I came to see someone. She then, introduced herself and her next question was if I'm free to chat on Whatsapp.

Damn, seems like women are now taking the initiatives.

I felt so good last night. This pretty girl wants me. Let her work hard to get me coz i am a girl now while she's a guy.

OP IS A VERY CULTURED BABE THAT IS ABOUT TO MISS A GOOD GUY. THAT IS MY POINT OP SHOULD TAKE INITIATIVES THATS WHY GOOD GUYS FALLS INTO WRONG HANDS. IF YOU SEE HAPPINESS WILL YOU FOLD YOUR ARM AND SAY HAPPINESS SHOULD COME AND MEET YOU. A LITTLE INITIATIVES FROM OP WILL GIVE THE GUY CONFIDENCE AND HE WILL ASSUME THE LEAD ROLE IN THE RELATIONSHIP. CHIKENA

Specifically, if I was in your shoes I would apply the push-pull. This simply ignoring this bestie, while actively dating other subjects, in such a way as to provoke some emotional response from your bestie. If this doesn't work, you best leave him for good, may be we cant have it all. Just so you know, your bestie kept you in a 'relationship purgatory' for six years. He wants to keep his options open by actively dating other people while having you the 'wife material' as a back-up plan or as some sort of insurance.

Call me old-fashioned, but i don't get how a man and a woman without hormonal disorder can be best friends in a platonic relationship.

Izen:


It's in this kind of atmosphere that all this marriage talk and all comes up. He's had the chance to tell me how he feels several times, if he truly feels something. You're kinda right about the different levels lol. That part is a little complicated. In fact, I believe both of us feel we're advancing faster than the other only that it's from different perspectives.

We could make a nice script from your story, you know .

That's just an aside. But I'm really interested in how things pan out. Keep us posted, would you?

I was facing d same problem with this girl but i later knoses that she his nor my hown so hi didnt really knoses how
I mean i knoses but its hard for me because u now knoses that is not u that have it

This thing is simple
All of you that will not just make something simple are here saying give space, find anothwr guy to make him jealous
Babe abeg just ask d guy how he feels n come clean with him so that u will know where u stand cos u are not growing younger o
If u keep playing this complicatwd game b4 u know it u will be a lonely old lady playing with cats so just ask and know so that u can start hustling for another guy

Don't make it look as if you are desperate to have him,my bf is like that guy,he was forming shy despite the fact that we've being best of friends and tell each other everything about ourselves and that i noticed that the feeling is mutual,i asked him blankly that"Where do i stand with you,i wanna know my position".Then he was like he don't wanna rush things,and i told him that when he has concluded he should lemme know that was when it was dawn on him.He asked me out the following month.No time to waste time,don't chase reasonable suitors away when you are gonna be a better one.

I have read a lot of comments here and here is my submission:
Relationships don't get better than that; he.chats with you , calls you for a long time, he wants to know how well you're doing per time...you have a good relationship, only that you're waiting for him to tell you officially that you're in one.

I guess you also have lust for him...yes!...you want him to formally ask you out before you have sex with him. You may wait forever then...you claim he's hot and getting hotter by the day...let him know you appreciate that and give him a sweet kiss, afterwards make him give you that hot cex you've always longed for.

here are two things here; it's either the guy is shy or he just can't swallow his pride, and it's possible he's shy and also can't swallow his pride.

I want you to know that you're the pilot of that relationship; he will gladly do what you want, use your influence as a lady over him and see if it works, if it works well, then you need not think twice...that's your man.

Don't stop developing yourself , get better everyday, make him know that you're the best for him.

...may i also add that you are his main choice, he is only after other ladies because he fears you may not love him enough again to think of marrying him.

This is your man, do not let him go.

Henrolla:


I'm a guy and i've been in his shoes b4. Any smart guy knows when a lady is in love with him. and it only takes the grace of God not to take advantage of her feelings cos that's what an average guy would do. u should try to bring ur feelings under control and not move faster than the guy cos u can't force the proposal question out of his mouth. you're the Lady here, so be wise.
If he wants you, he should say it himself. don't let him get so much into you else you might find it difficult to recover if he never comes up with the question.
Above all, u need the direction the Holy Spirit to avoid mistakes in life. if you have no relationship with him, i can help you with that. if u do, seek his face. he's such a caring and loving friend.
SHALOM!

Henrolla:


I'm a guy and i've been in his shoes b4. Any smart guy knows when a lady is in love with him. and it only takes the grace of God not to take advantage of her feelings cos that's what an average guy would do. u should try to bring ur feelings under control and not move faster than the guy cos u can't force the proposal question out of his mouth. you're the Lady here, so be wise.
If he wants you, he should say it himself. don't let him get so much into you else you might find it difficult to recover if he never comes up with the question.
Above all, u need the direction the Holy Spirit to avoid mistakes in life. if you have no relationship with him, i can help you with that. if u do, seek his face. he's such a caring and loving friend.
SHALOM!

Thanks for this comment.. The Holyspirit is the best Counselor anyone can have, everyone should please make sure they have a relationship with Him. God bless you sir.

Ehen.. Izen Sis, don't preempt uncle, so he doesn't at the long-run feel you dragged him into the relationship/marriage, give him some space and allow him to make the decision himself to avoid regrets. Udo diri gi (Peace be unto you)

My dear, just have a face to face talk with him on the issue, I know guys like this...He has feelings for you but because you are always there in his face he feels he doesn't have to work hard. tell him to cut the crap and come out real or remain just friends for life..If he doesn't man up, girl get a new man...all the best

Hi, I feel the guy is scared, but so you don't hurt your emotions on just assumptions. I will suggest you sort things out. I mean you fix a meeting and ask questions.

Izen:
Hi guys. I'm in an emotional dilemma and I think the pressure of yet another Valentine's day without a boo is getting to me. Please as much as my write up might piss you off, please try not to insult me. I'm trying to avoid a total meltdown. Thanks in advance.

So there's this guy, we've been very close friends for six years now. There has always been romantic feelings on my part and I used to have the tiniest bit of hope that it was mutual. This was until he started dating a mutual friend. What hurt the most was that he tried to hide it from me despite our closeness. He claims it wasn't his idea though.

Let's just say I borrowed myself brain after that or so I thought. I started avoiding him as much as I could but he wouldn't let me be. He eventually asked me point blank if I liked him and after much beating about the bush, I answered in the affirmative. Apparently, other friends of ours had had to call his attention to my crush on him cos dude was clueless, "according to him". I asked him if he felt the same way and he told me that I was like a little sister to him. Alas, I was sister-zoned. Note that the age gap between us is barely more than a year. He told me he wouldn't lose me as a friend because I was special. Why wouldn't he just let me go?
Fast forward to a year+, he broke up with the mutual friend though I remained friends with both of them. I had nothing to do with the break up o. I was more comfortable rekindling our close friendship then since there was no longer a conflict of interest. It took me almost two years to get over him so at that time, my heart had moved on to other prospective guys.

Years down the line, I had to change locations to another state. It was one he was familiar with and had and still has a lot of business dealings in. Let's just say I still get to see him a lot.

We both dated other people. I got badly burnt by my ex and he was there for me. The tough love kind. As we spoke about my ex, that was when it hit me. This guy has always and probably will always have my back. I felt so comfortable sharing details with him. I knew then that I missed him a lot. I've been wondering what could have been between us ever since then. In fact, I started referring to him as my best friend. I know it's only a matter of time before it's necessary to let go of that bond tho. He's gone get married to his true bestie one day.

The thing now his, he's changed a bit. I know this because we've been friends a long time and I know him well. The calls have been more frequent, longer, etc. He always tries to see me when he can, same with me. This has got me wondering if this is the way normal friendships between the opposite sex are. He now says things like, "You're this and that and it's probably why you have an issue with XX. You do the same to me but I've come to accept it, there's nothing I can do about it". I interpreted this as him sticking with me flaws and all.
At one of our discussions, he told me he would love to marry someone he's known for a long time and he used us as an example. I went on the defensive immediately and told him I couldn't marry him. That bothered him a lot and he didn't stop until he pressed me for a reason. I threw his question back in his face and asked him if he could marry me and he said yes. I pushed harder and asked if he would marry me (not as a proposal lol), he laughed about this. I eventually told him I couldn't marry him cos he hasn't proposed to me and I cannot propose to him. When he tried to form, "so you'll marry me if I ask you to", I just asked to drop the topic totally.

I know I'm supposed to be elated but instead I'm hurt. I feel like I've been emotionally played and I'm still being played in my best years. How can he do this now? Does he know how much it cost me to try to get over him the first time? Apparently, I never fully succeeded. He's toying with my emotions again and I believe he knows that. I wanted to remind him that he sister-zoned me but I held back. I can't do this again guys. Please, I just can't.
Do you think he now has romantic feelings for me but he's deliberately holding back. Do you think he's trying to give me hints? I'm tempted to shut this friendship down totally. I can't go through this heartbreak again. It hurt the first time and I'm sure it'll hurt more this time. I know shutting down this friendship will be like a break up for me cos he's been such a huge part of my life but I think that's the only way I can truly get over him. I may or may not tell him but I plan to gradually withdraw. No calls, no texts, until he gets the memo. I really need to heal cos my relationship with him has indirectly affected other relationships I have. I'm falling madly in love with him again and I need it to stop.

So guys, please should I let go now or should I hold on to a little hope that he comes around based on his recent actions.?

this is complicated! Pls get seriously engrossed in something else so ur mind will drift away from him dat guy is merely playing with ur emotions.

Izen:


No. I have other male friends and I'm not thinking marriage with them.

I wish it could be so...cos most gals even when it's clearly noted still go ahead to ask where it's leading

EngrNewton:




Thanks for this comment.. The Holyspirit is the best Counselor anyone can have, everyone should please make sure they have a relationship with Him. God bless you sir.

Ehen.. Izen Sis, don't preempt uncle, so he doesn't at the long-run feel you dragged him into the relationship/marriage, give him some space and allow him to make the decision himself to avoid regrets. Udo diri gi (Peace be unto you)

Thanks Sir. great advice too

Hey there, I'm sure by now you must be familiar with all the bullshit that flies around here, sieve the comments, ignore the BS and focus on the ones with substance. I really feel your pain and I wish your crush would understand and put you outta your misery once and for all by either hooking up for real, or giving you space to get on with your life. That said, I'd want you to get a grip on yourself, make a deliberate effort to think less about him, find other diversions, for now rule out anything to avoid giving yourself false hope, then fortify yourself with new friends. As a last resort; boldly take it up with him tho I have some reservations about that. Anyways you deserve to be happy and I hope you find it.

Cheers

He doesn't have romantic feelings for you...simple.
You thus have a choice, create the romance. Travel to a new place together...see if u guys connect on that level.
jealousy works too...flaunt a new guy and see if that would trigger his true feelings.
If he still doesn't come unto you after any of these, then forget him.
move on with ur life and trust me, ur type would eventually meet a man who'd so drool over u.

***there could be a twist in future u know. Long after both of u settle down in ur marriages, his brain would be 'reset' n don't be surprised he'd so pursue n tempt u outta ur home (be sure not to fall for that).

BabaCommander:


Get over him ke? Dude, that's easier said than done.
From her story, i seems the dude actually likes her but something she's not aware of is holding him back.
I have a feeling it's something that has to do with a physical feature...

You may be right about that physical feature.

It has happened to me.

There was a time I had this girl. She was a good girl. Very sensible. Goodnatured. Quite religious. Not demanding. And she easily understood me. People around thought we were a great match.

But...

I wasn't feeling so verve about the whole thing.

Reason why?

The girl was flat, if you know what I mean.

I tried to convince myself that it is not really an issue but for where?!!!

I couldn't blame her because it wasn't her fault.

I am not perfect either.

But we are who we are.

Besides, there are some things you just can't tell someone to avoid shattering their self-esteem.

So I dragged my feet.

Nigerian girls eh, why not tell him how u Feel, time is running out. Na there u go dey one sharp babe go collect am again, na old u dey old so o

why are you killing yourself. if u like am wan marry am tell am yopur mind. if he is okay with ity...if not you move forward. na u dey hurt yourself

Some girls can love sha
The highest romantic feeling I can have can't be more than 3months

Izen,

I don't think he's toying with your heart like you alleged. I think you are scared.

For 6 years, this guy has stood by you as a friend. Despite the discovery that you had feelings for him, he still remained steadfast, respected you, cared for you without trying to take advantage of that feeling or taking you for granted.

Now that's the mark of true love. Not the falling in love craze that ends after 2 weeks.

On the brighter side, this "wasted 6 years" has exposed you to every dimension of the man. You probably knows him better than any other woman out there.

You'll be doing yourself a great disservice by holding back and hiding away. It's time to confront those fears. It's time you stopped playing games with what you feel. it's time you spoke to him in all seriousness.

Don't let the chance of giving life to those feelings pass you by. Cos you'll regret it for the rest of your life

Best1708:
Don't make it look as if you are desperate to have him,my bf is like that guy,he was forming shy despite the fact that we've being best of friends and tell each other everything about ourselves and that i noticed that the feeling is mutual,i asked him blankly that"Where do i stand with you,i wanna know my position".Then he was like he don't wanna rush things,and i told him that when he has concluded he should lemme know that was when it was dawn on him.He asked me out the following month.No time to waste time,don't chase reasonable suitors away when you are gonna be a better one.

OP THIS IS PRACTICAL FROM A LADY. I ENDORSE

chiraqDemon:
This thing is simple
All of you that will not just make something simple are here saying give space, find anothwr guy to make him jealous
Babe abeg just ask d guy how he feels n come clean with him so that u will know where u stand cos u are not growing younger o
If u keep playing this complicatwd game b4 u know it u will be a lonely old lady playing with cats so just ask and know so that u can start hustling for another guy

THANK YOU. OP TAKE NOTE

if he has turned love into a chess game,make sure u are not a pawn.gals are always 20 steps ahead of the guy emotionally,from the write up I sense you are not a shallow gal u will hold on to him till he comes to that point but my dear u can keep your life on hold in hope someone will see you as you see them.it may sound hard but I tell u let him go the fight is for your sanity,dignity and Esteem u may lose all these holding on.dysfunction is not love.give him the space to conclude you are wat he needs the more he sees you around ,he thinks u will always be there and he will just wait for the next gal that he feels is better than you ,then go after her and remind you of ur sisterzone and d cycle continues.if u stay you will make him complacent with your heart and you will b a serious chairman of sisterzone kai that boy wicked,not even friend zone phew boys ehh! may God pull u true.i know ur pains.sweetheart refuse to settle move on if he catches up fyn.if he doesn't keep your head up and forward and raise d bar of your standard

Sapphire86:


you can ask op her size

Sapphire86.!!! u be big girl now

Rukkydelta:
Some girls can love sha

The highest romantic feeling I can have can't be more than 3months

y are u in darkness

1bkaye:

Cosigning/agreeing with what you said

cool! You look South African, btw.

LeView:
Life is simple we just complicate things.

Instead of having a relationship with him in your head you could just speak to him. All this we are so close crap yet you can't tell him what's important. Lol! Us women are soo crazy! I love where you blamed him for doing something he doesn't even know he is doing! When will we quit this victim card we pull out whenever we are emotionally confused! Tell the man what's eating you up! Tell him with a smile that you need a little space to clear your head because your friendship is making you feel a connection that might not be there.


Ps for future reference! Men and women who are attracted to each other can never be friends! Maybe If there were no feelings especially from you because you are the one who complicated things here by befriending a man you love.

Stop being a coward if he's such a great friend he will understand. Although your relationship /friendship sounds a bit fake. Anyway, do the right thing and not the easy thing that's my advice to you.

you are a wise lady. More brain cells to your head.

Hello, sorry about what you are experiencing with him. I had an exact experience with a guy also, infact we were friends for 14 good years but i ended every calling or texting last year december, therefore i will advice you let go of him. if he really wants you. let him pursue u this time, remember u are a lady. Dont let anyone play on ur emotions or waste ur time. The situation is very simple to handle. Cut all ties and find ur own. Be determined. God bless.

shakirahpweety:
Hello, sorry about what you are experiencing with him. I had an exact experience with a guy also, infact we were friends for 14 good years but i ended every calling or texting last year december, therefore i will advice you let go of him. if he really wants you. let him pursue u this time, remember u are a lady. Dont let anyone play on ur emotions or waste ur time. The situation is very simple to handle. Cut all ties and find ur own. Be determined. God bless.

14 good years..I swear I can't no..that is my life.u are strong o.

oluwashola4me:
cool! You look South African, btw.

Haha, I'm not