₦airaland Forum

rottennaija:
She has summarised that much, read it or leave it

wetin cum be ur own for here naaw

Izen:
You're very funny......Lmaooo

Really?

Yesterday, I met a chick but out of the blue, she started gaming me. She said I looked very familiar and asked if I came to see someone. She then, introduced herself and her next question was if I'm free to chat on Whatsapp.

Damn, seems like women are now taking the initiatives.

I felt so good last night. This pretty girl wants me. Let her work hard to get me coz i am a girl now while she's a guy.

Ur story is a bit similiar to mine bt with a little diff,i told him how i felt and he didnt say anytin abt it and then i stopped seeing him and i am trying to move on here and believe i will be just fine...my dear u nid to move on time waits for no one

DeeTus:
Really?

Yesterday, I met a chick but out of the blue, she started gaming me. She said I looked very familiar and asked if I came to see someone. She then, introduced herself and her next question was if I'm free to chat on Whatsapp.

Damn, seems like women are now taking the initiatives.

I felt so good last night. This pretty girl wants me. Let her work hard to get me coz i am a girl now while she's a guy.

No punish d babe oo

Buh Y u go make her werk hard

BabaCommander:
Get over him ke? Dude, that's easier said than done.
From her story, i seems the dude actually likes her but something she's not aware of is holding him back.
I have a feeling it's something that has to do with a physical feature.
@Izen, listen, this is the 21 century, not the stone age when women are expected to die in silence that told a man she love him and want to live with him. The fact that you have had feelings for him for 6 years now is enough to convince me that your love for him is true. That said, i noticed you are not thinking of hurting him, you are only trying to get yourself from being hurt again. While it good to build a fence to protect your heart, you must realise that when you fence others out, you fence yourself in. My point here is that you should not build a small wall in your heart which will not give you enough space to express yourself. Love without fear, with all your heart and enjoy it while it lasts. Call him and have a heart to heart discussion with him. Tell him you are sure he knows how much you loved since you know him and you know he loves you too. Then asked him to be honest with you and tell you what has been holding him back all these years even when he was/is unattached. Listen patiently to his answer and observe read his body language, as he would not like to hurt you. Whatever his response is (except he insults or humiliate you), tell him you two are now officially dating. Pick your phone and call two mutual friends to break the news to them right there in his presence. If he reacts angrily, it will be clear to you that he has no feelings for you and will never consider your feelings. If he keeps his cool, and let allows you to tell mutual friends that you two are now dating.... congratulations and enjoy your love.

Note, If you try to move on the way you are planning now, you will never get over him. And if your future relationship does not go well, you will live your whole life thinking him and what would have been between you two. The only way to completely rid yourself of him is to see his dark side. You need to see through his heart whether he has respect for your feelings.
And please don't tell me about the shame if he refuses and decides to start telling everyone you begged him to f**k you. It's better you feel that shame now, than to live your whole life thinking of someone who does think much about you. It will be a wasted life.
Izen, you need to sought yourself out and you have to act now.
Best wishes from Baba Commander

On point BabaCommander; indeed the force "of wisdom" is with this one.
Best advice ever.
@Izen, he has said it all!

Izen:
Your comment made me laugh out loud. Lool no. I didn't call you today but it was nice of you to try.

Ok ooook..... I will call You later to confirm if it's You or not. Don't mind me ooo but i've got to do that.

i wish you quick resolution and solution to what you're currently facing and And the best outcome.

Take care!

Dear, i hate to be pessimistic about your case. I think I fully understand the situation and I say it would be in your best interest to get over this guy once and for all. It will save you from greater hurts. Trust me!

Just tell him you love him.

If you don't you may later regret it, and telling does not cheapen you.

Izen:
Hi guys. I'm in an emotional dilemma and I think the pressure of yet another Valentine's day without a boo is getting to me. Please as much as my write up might piss you off, please try not to insult me. I'm trying to avoid a total meltdown. Thanks in advance.

So there's this guy, we've been very close friends for six years now. There has always been romantic feelings on my part and I used to have the tiniest bit of hope that it was mutual. This was until he started dating a mutual friend. What hurt the most was that he tried to hide it from me despite our closeness. He claims it wasn't his idea though.

Let's just say I borrowed myself brain after that or so I thought. I started avoiding him as much as I could but he wouldn't let me be. He eventually asked me point blank if I liked him and after much beating about the bush, I answered in the affirmative. Apparently, other friends of ours had had to call his attention to my crush on him cos dude was clueless, "according to him". I asked him if he felt the same way and he told me that I was like a little sister to him. Alas, I was sister-zoned. Note that the age gap between us is barely more than a year. He told me he wouldn't lose me as a friend because I was special. Why wouldn't he just let me go?
Fast forward to a year+, he broke up with the mutual friend though I remained friends with both of them. I had nothing to do with the break up o. I was more comfortable rekindling our close friendship then since there was no longer a conflict of interest. It took me almost two years to get over him so at that time, my heart had moved on to other prospective guys.

Years down the line, I had to change locations to another state. It was one he was familiar with and had and still has a lot of business dealings in. Let's just say I still get to see him a lot.

We both dated other people. I got badly burnt by my ex and he was there for me. The tough love kind. As we spoke about my ex, that was when it hit me. This guy has always and probably will always have my back. I felt so comfortable sharing details with him. I knew then that I missed him a lot. I've been wondering what could have been between us ever since then. In fact, I started referring to him as my best friend. I know it's only a matter of time before it's necessary to let go of that bond tho. He's gone get married to his true bestie one day.

The thing now his, he's changed a bit. I know this because we've been friends a long time and I know him well. The calls have been more frequent, longer, etc. He always tries to see me when he can, same with me. This has got me wondering if this is the way normal friendships between the opposite sex are. He now says things like, "You're this and that and it's probably why you have an issue with XX. You do the same to me but I've come to accept it, there's nothing I can do about it". I interpreted this as him sticking with me flaws and all.
At one of our discussions, he told me he would love to marry someone he's known for a long time and he used us as an example. I went on the defensive immediately and told him I couldn't marry him. That bothered him a lot and he didn't stop until he pressed me for a reason. I threw his question back in his face and asked him if he could marry me and he said yes. I pushed harder and asked if he would marry me (not as a proposal lol), he laughed about this. I eventually told him I couldn't marry him cos he hasn't proposed to me and I cannot propose to him. When he tried to form, "so you'll marry me if I ask you to", I just asked to drop the topic totally.

I know I'm supposed to be elated but instead I'm hurt. I feel like I've been emotionally played and I'm still being played in my best years. How can he do this now? Does he know how much it cost me to try to get over him the first time? Apparently, I never fully succeeded. He's toying with my emotions again and I believe he knows that. I wanted to remind him that he sister-zoned me but I held back. I can't do this again guys. Please, I just can't.
Do you think he now has romantic feelings for me but he's deliberately holding back. Do you think he's trying to give me hints? I'm tempted to shut this friendship down totally. I can't go through this heartbreak again. It hurt the first time and I'm sure it'll hurt more this time. I know shutting down this friendship will be like a break up for me cos he's been such a huge part of my life but I think that's the only way I can truly get over him. I may or may not tell him but I plan to gradually withdraw. No calls, no texts, until he gets the memo. I really need to heal cos my relationship with him has indirectly affected other relationships I have. I'm falling madly in love with him again and I need it to stop.

So guys, please should I let go now or should I hold on to a little hope that he comes around based on his recent actions.?

I am going to sound like Donald Trump, so hold yourself. You may never marry if you continue to be a social media victim. Now see your life! You are comfortable spilling all these here but you can't say same to someone you claim to love. YOU ARE FAKE! just like Toke Makinwa. If you truly love him, you open up to him and stop all these YEYE FORMING. Your fakeness is why the man is getting confused vibes from you. Have a heart to heart talk and spill it all out! Let him know how hurt you were when he dated someone else or keep forming and die a bitter, twisted spinster!

Toshiba49ja:
No punish d babe oo

Buh Y u go make her werk hard

Punish the girl? No no no. I treat babes very well and that is why they are pretty cool with me.

She has to work hard to get me in order to realize I am totally different and I'm really enjoying how she talks to me.

As much as we are talking about what is easier said than done,
Let us not forget what is right
As much as you are being hurt by his attitude remember u are hurting other becos of him...
No matter the advice u get here, one thing for sure is u love him and it hard for u to control ur emotion(which is unhealthy for u though)
Go n talk to him, he obviously hold the key to either free or lock u...


Now after u talk to him, no matter the outcome be proud of yourself..and dont let him pity u into accepting u...
Know ur worth...

Go and have a conversation,,, we will be glad if u care to share how it went....the talk don dey too much

Next topic abeg

Izen:
Hmmm..... All your observations seem on point. Someone advised me to send him this link, do you think it's a good idea?

Wow, sending him the link may ease up things for him at sealing the relationship but if he is the type that is full of himself he may see it as an insult on his person but it's good you didn't mention names in the post.

Another thing is if he's a good person he sure will do the needful and play clean but if otherwise he will abuse the privilege of your overt love for him by tormenting you at any opportunity he gets in the relationship. So I'll advise you use the knowledge of him you've got to your advantage in this regard

LeView:
Life is simple we just complicate things.

Instead of having a relationship with him in your head you could just speak to him. All this we are so close crap yet you can't tell him what's important. Lol! Us women are soo crazy! I love where you blamed him for doing something he doesn't even know he is doing! When will we quit this victim card we pull out whenever we are emotionally confused! Tell the man what's eating you up! Tell him with a smile that you need a little space to clear your head because your friendship is making you feel a connection that might not be there.


Ps for future reference! Men and women who are attracted to each other can never be friends! Maybe If there were no feelings especially from you because you are the one who complicated things here by befriending a man you love.

Stop being a coward if he's such a great friend he will understand. Although your relationship /friendship sounds a bit fake. Anyway, do the right thing and not the easy thing that's my advice to you.

My kind of woman u are!!! I love when a woman or even anyone is genuine and original, it makes my life so simple and fun, no lies, no pretence....am sure someday am gonna meet one person that share my thinking cos that's the only reason for me to eve get married

LeView:
Life is simple we just complicate things.

Instead of having a relationship with him in your head you could just speak to him. All this we are so close crap yet you can't tell him what's important. Lol! Us women are soo crazy! I love where you blamed him for doing something he doesn't even know he is doing! When will we quit this victim card we pull out whenever we are emotionally confused! Tell the man what's eating you up! Tell him with a smile that you need a little space to clear your head because your friendship is making you feel a connection that might not be there.


Ps for future reference! Men and women who are attracted to each other can never be friends! Maybe If there were no feelings especially from you because you are the one who complicated things here by befriending a man you love.

Stop being a coward if he's such a great friend he will understand. Although your relationship /friendship sounds a bit fake. Anyway, do the right thing and not the easy thing that's my advice to you.

# Respect

TonyeBarcanista:
You just mentioned me..


So what kind of help should I give to her?

Uncle Tonye, you can lie.


What kind of help do you have to offer?

even d gods will complain that ur story is too long.

Izen:
I should make him jealous?

I'm not saying you should make anyone jealous... just find a way to know his true feeling...

try summarized am next tym

Izen:
Hi guys. I'm in an emotional dilemma and I think the pressure of yet another Valentine's day without a boo is getting to me. Please as much as my write up might piss you off, please try not to insult me. I'm trying to avoid a total meltdown. Thanks in advance.

So there's this guy, we've been very close friends for six years now. There has always been romantic feelings on my part and I used to have the tiniest bit of hope that it was mutual. This was until he started dating a mutual friend. What hurt the most was that he tried to hide it from me despite our closeness. He claims it wasn't his idea though.

Let's just say I borrowed myself brain after that or so I thought. I started avoiding him as much as I could but he wouldn't let me be. He eventually asked me point blank if I liked him and after much beating about the bush, I answered in the affirmative. Apparently, other friends of ours had had to call his attention to my crush on him cos dude was clueless, "according to him". I asked him if he felt the same way and he told me that I was like a little sister to him. Alas, I was sister-zoned. Note that the age gap between us is barely more than a year. He told me he wouldn't lose me as a friend because I was special. Why wouldn't he just let me go?
Fast forward to a year+, he broke up with the mutual friend though I remained friends with both of them. I had nothing to do with the break up o. I was more comfortable rekindling our close friendship then since there was no longer a conflict of interest. It took me almost two years to get over him so at that time, my heart had moved on to other prospective guys.

Years down the line, I had to change locations to another state. It was one he was familiar with and had and still has a lot of business dealings in. Let's just say I still get to see him a lot.

We both dated other people. I got badly burnt by my ex and he was there for me. The tough love kind. As we spoke about my ex, that was when it hit me. This guy has always and probably will always have my back. I felt so comfortable sharing details with him. I knew then that I missed him a lot. I've been wondering what could have been between us ever since then. In fact, I started referring to him as my best friend. I know it's only a matter of time before it's necessary to let go of that bond tho. He's gone get married to his true bestie one day.

The thing now his, he's changed a bit. I know this because we've been friends a long time and I know him well. The calls have been more frequent, longer, etc. He always tries to see me when he can, same with me. This has got me wondering if this is the way normal friendships between the opposite sex are. He now says things like, "You're this and that and it's probably why you have an issue with XX. You do the same to me but I've come to accept it, there's nothing I can do about it". I interpreted this as him sticking with me flaws and all.
At one of our discussions, he told me he would love to marry someone he's known for a long time and he used us as an example. I went on the defensive immediately and told him I couldn't marry him. That bothered him a lot and he didn't stop until he pressed me for a reason. I threw his question back in his face and asked him if he could marry me and he said yes. I pushed harder and asked if he would marry me (not as a proposal lol), he laughed about this. I eventually told him I couldn't marry him cos he hasn't proposed to me and I cannot propose to him. When he tried to form, "so you'll marry me if I ask you to", I just asked to drop the topic totally.

I know I'm supposed to be elated but instead I'm hurt. I feel like I've been emotionally played and I'm still being played in my best years. How can he do this now? Does he know how much it cost me to try to get over him the first time? Apparently, I never fully succeeded. He's toying with my emotions again and I believe he knows that. I wanted to remind him that he sister-zoned me but I held back. I can't do this again guys. Please, I just can't.
Do you think he now has romantic feelings for me but he's deliberately holding back. Do you think he's trying to give me hints? I'm tempted to shut this friendship down totally. I can't go through this heartbreak again. It hurt the first time and I'm sure it'll hurt more this time. I know shutting down this friendship will be like a break up for me cos he's been such a huge part of my life but I think that's the only way I can truly get over him. I may or may not tell him but I plan to gradually withdraw. No calls, no texts, until he gets the memo. I really need to heal cos my relationship with him has indirectly affected other relationships I have. I'm falling madly in love with him again and I need it to stop.

So guys, please should I let go now or should I hold on to a little hope that he comes around based on his recent actions.?

Go on with your plan, i think its the best ime you have him now or never.

oluwashola4me:
...Do you think he now has romantic feelings for me but he's deliberately holding back. Do you think he's trying to give me hints? I'm tempted to shut this friendship down totally. I can't go through this heartbreak again. It hurt the first time and I'm sure it'll hurt more this time. I know shutting down this friendship will be like a break up for me cos he's been such a huge part of my life but I think that's the only way I can truly get over him. I may or may not tell him but I plan to gradually withdraw. No calls, no texts, until he gets the memo. I really need to heal cos my relationship with him has indirectly affected other relationships I have. I'm falling madly in love with him again and I need it to stop.

Please, you need to cut all ties with him ASAP.
It's obvious he doesn't see you as his potential significant half; despite everything you feel for him.

Also, from your narration, I deduced that your love for him has spanned many years, which points that you ain't longer a kid, so GET OVER HIM!

My comments on Nairaland are so few, I only comment on seldom occasions; but I was intrigued by your experience, and I feel your pain.

Take heart!

so despite all her acclaimed feelings, is she dumb to say her mind ? abeg

Aderola15:
Uncle Tonye, you can lie.


What kind of help do you have to offer?

Any kind of help will do. No boundary kinda

Izen:
Most people here have advised me to let him know once again. This really scares me but I guess getting hurt now is better than postponing the evil day.

You're hurting yourself more through the uncertainty and speculation. If the outcome is not in your favour, it would hurt so much initially but you'll feel happier in the long run. I'm speaking from experience. Don't cut off all contact unless you talk to him because if you do so, it would be much harder to get over him since your mind was not able to reach a resolution

I

oluwashola4me:
...Do you think he now has romantic feelings for me but he's deliberately holding back. Do you think he's trying to give me hints? I'm tempted to shut this friendship down totally. I can't go through this heartbreak again. It hurt the first time and I'm sure it'll hurt more this time. I know shutting down this friendship will be like a break up for me cos he's been such a huge part of my life but I think that's the only way I can truly get over him. I may or may not tell him but I plan to gradually withdraw. No calls, no texts, until he gets the memo. I really need to heal cos my relationship with him has indirectly affected other relationships I have. I'm falling madly in love with him again and I need it to stop.

Please, you need to cut all ties with him ASAP.
It's obvious he doesn't see you as his potential significant half; despite everything you feel for him.

Also, from your narration, I deduced that your love for him has spanned many years, which points that you ain't longer a kid, so GET OVER HIM!

My comments on Nairaland are so few, I only comment on seldom occasions; but I was intrigued by your experience, and I feel your pain.

Take heart!

See advise we talking serious issue here ooo and the OP has failed to see she is the cause of her own problem, why do mutual friends have to communicate your feelings for him for you? Are you dumb or what? There is no set rules as to who persuades or toast who in this life.

Walk up to him and let dude know he's silly for not seeing all the green lights and since he's decided to be a sissy you've decided to take the bull by the horn and be a man.

Abi you dey fear rejection?

LeView:
Life is simple we just complicate things.

Instead of having a relationship with him in your head you could just speak to him. All this we are so close crap yet you can't tell him what's important. Lol! Us women are soo crazy! I love where you blamed him for doing something he doesn't even know he is doing! When will we quit this victim card we pull out whenever we are emotionally confused! Tell the man what's eating you up! Tell him with a smile that you need a little space to clear your head because your friendship is making you feel a connection that might not be there.


Ps for future reference! Men and women who are attracted to each other can never be friends! Maybe If there were no feelings especially from you because you are the one who complicated things here by befriending a man you love.

Stop being a coward if he's such a great friend he will understand. Although your relationship /friendship sounds a bit fake. Anyway, do the right thing and not the easy thing that's my advice to you.

wise words! I like d part where u said people dat r attracted to each other can never b friends.

.
I think dats applicable to attraction at first sight. Sometimes, we get to know people and then we see alot of hidden things about them and attraction grows from there.

Izen:
Are you a soothsayer? You're telling me this with so much confidence. Have you seen this happen before?

Does it have to happen before?
Just chill when it's happens you will thank me later.

Well, there are a few obvious things here. Sadly a lot more are oblivious. I think that perhaps at this junction, he is beginning to consider you as a marriage option, I can't say he has affections and the rest, but maybe he does and he's trying to see whether you still see him like you did years back.it could be that he understands he has an upper hand and is making uneconomic drama, which of course like someone's earlier mentioned will vanish as soon as s he perceives competition. I'd however recommend patience and a little distance, pretend-apathy perhaps but not a total shutdown. He really seems to be a good guy and you really seem to like him. During this "patience period", evaluate carefully your options (if you have any). And well, if you are still hell bent on shutting down the relationship, confront him with a reverse marriage proposal. That would either end it or take you guys off...

Izen:
Hi guys. I'm in an emotional dilemma and I think the pressure of yet another Valentine's day without a boo is getting to me. Please as much as my write up might piss you off, please try not to insult me. I'm trying to avoid a total meltdown. Thanks in advance.


So guys, please should I let go now or should I hold on to a little hope that he comes around based on his recent actions.?

He's probably planning something big between two of you this Valentine considering the recent development between you two. Potential suitors normally wait for special days like Valentine's days or birthdays to break the silence.

But, if he lets the valentine goes with nothing special, you know? Then you ain't gonna be more than just a friend to him.

Meanwhile, wait a little longer before you start acting funny... don't push it!

Izen:
I've told him before that I have feelings for him so he is not clueless, and that's why I feel he's toying with my feelings. The friendship is not one-sided if that's what you're thinking by saying is fake. That I'm sure of. Like I said, I have considered unfriending him before but he didn't let me. He knew I was trying to do that and he put a stop to it.

Play hard to get. don't answer his call or reply his text. give him a break, form busy...toy with his feelings too.

LeView:
Life is simple we just complicate things.

Instead of having a relationship with him in your head you could just speak to him. All this we are so close crap yet you can't tell him what's important. Lol! Us women are soo crazy! I love where you blamed him for doing something he doesn't even know he is doing! When will we quit this victim card we pull out whenever we are emotionally confused! Tell the man what's eating you up! Tell him with a smile that you need a little space to clear your head because your friendship is making you feel a connection that might not be there.


Ps for future reference! Men and women who are attracted to each other can never be friends! Maybe If there were no feelings especially from you because you are the one who complicated things here by befriending a man you love.

Stop being a coward if he's such a great friend he will understand. Although your relationship /friendship sounds a bit fake. Anyway, do the right thing and not the easy thing that's my advice to you.

Mature ni !!!!!!!

DeepFriedPuff:
[color=dodgerblue]yes. Why don't u ask him ta be yer Valentine[/color]

I don't think that is a good idea...

Msaza:
I think he has developed feelings for you but he is toying with you because he knows he has the upper hand. If another serious prospect appears at this very moment .... the dude will step up, i promise!!

True! The guy go sit up sharp sharp! But, why do I feel like he has the OP on the backburner?