nice14:
Nice thrend.
Been married for 4yrs now. My hubby has hurt and still hurting me, that i so RESENT him. One day he will pay 4 every tears he has brought 2 my eyes!

Aaawww. You can get it off your chest here. Rant if you want. You will feel better afterwards.

Nice14, pls dont do this.
You can be very happy again.i am married almost the same yrs as you. Had some bad times, girl I never thot my hubby and I could love each other again. After a very resentful period.
If you could share your pains people ll help you. You can love him again
That I promise you by God's grace.

prissyluv:

Maybe I didnt thank you enuogh when you wrote this. Thanks so much for such wisdom. Happy Val.

Hey Babe, hope ur Dad has given his consent?

nice14:
Nice thrend.
Been married for 4yrs now. My hubby has hurt and still hurting me, that i so RESENT him. One day he will pay 4 every tears he has brought 2 my eyes!

Pls don't do Eye for an Eye, it will only destroy Ur marriage. U can share here to ease Ur mind.
All d best

Wendy80:


Hey Babe, hope ur Dad has given his consent?

Dearie,thanks for checking up on me. I appreciate.
Dad has not oooo. He told me I should endure it,that before my service year runs out that i will see someone.
Mum at a point was crying self. I tire my sis.

My dear there are a lot of things that can make a marriage terrible. . . .a lot
We hear a lot about breasst cancer and lung cancer, but all the other cancers can kill too if left untreated.

If you ask warring couples, abuse and infidelity is not always the root cause of their issues.

A man who gambles all the family funds or a man who refuses to work but sit at home for years waiting for his big break, while his kids are being chased out of school for lack of school fees is a man who will give his wife sleepless nights

A man who is always at logger heads with landlords and employers leading to the family being constantly being evicted and the man is always being sacked is a headache to the wife.

Sexual incompatibility nko? another cause of strife and sleepless nights. The guy wants it 2 times and the wife wants it 4 times? or the husband wants her to wear red in bed and she wants to wear blue

A man who nags nags nags and can never see anything good in his wife too is a headache. I have a collegue, always complaining about how her husband is always embarassing her with his lewd and vulger language outside.

This afternoon I was in a self service restaurant and there was this man, partner and their kid in the queue in front of me. The server was serving another customer in front of us all. I guess it was taking too much time (which it wasnt) and this man just suddenly slammed his tray down and angrily walked off. The son was shouting dad dad and running after him. The woman just stood there with her hands to her face before eventually walking away.

A lot of things can go wrong and make life unbearable in the marriage for both parties. ive seen and heard a lot of stories. . . . A lot of things are happening my sister, May God help us all.

seriously all these and many more

LyndaRoyce:


My stomach should be included in the item7...!
Goodnews! I'm happy 4u.... Wish u success...
Soon u'll be welcomed into world of motherhood.

Ewuooo... Wonder why im seeing this just now. Amen and amen dear. The wedding has been shifted till later in the year. But still keep space for the item 7 sha o cos its gonna be hoit!

But when is aisha2 coming back

onegig:
@hispinkolo
The least i would expect from a man is to protect his woman EVERYWHERE. I don't know how he goes on to say he is the head when he can't protect his wife from bullying from his own family members.


When she does wrong, he should correct her and when someone from his family does wrong to her he should learn to caution that person in a MATURED way and without bias.


I can't imagine someone from my family(that person wan enter my eternal blacklist) disrespecting her neither would i expect her to go on disrespecting someone also. The rules are always crystal clear.


Maybe if guys learn that an insult on her is an insult on your person. Just maybe they would be alive to their responsibility. Also an insult on any of your family members from anyone is an insult on you too. When you see things this way, it won't be hard making the right judgement.




....If i want to dissect your post well. I would say you share a big part of the blames you encountered here. But are we here to lay blames? No. We are here to learn but Please just note the following;

I suppose you guys don't live together. I mean all those extended family members.

If so... I am finding it hard how a birthday of your child which should be a PRIVATE affair turns out to be an avenue where you are expecting "big gifts" from people who have little or nothing to do with the event. Also when you give things out(gifts), do you do them to get a return favour? Why am i stressing this point? Remember when i said ladies should learn to be independent and avoid unnecessary activities and familiarity earlier? You sure don't need their gifts nor is their presence gonna add any spice to the program so why stress them?

Truth is the ladies/wives are the ones most of the time who go out of their ways to entice trouble. They then return home to "shout" blue murder. Just learn to limit unnecessary activities.


Also i don't understand the thinking of the average Nigerian lady who's about getting married. You don't need to compromise on your ideals while trying to fit in. When visiting your inlaws, act your normal self. You are the guest for goodness sake. No need to go overboard with your familiarity. I am ashamed to say that most lack self respect and when you lack that i don't see how you expect someone else to respect you. They are the ones to warm up to you and make you feel accepted not the other way round but i guess since MANY are desperate or maybe its due to their naivety they would do anything just to be accepted and fit in even if it means being rolled and butchered in the mud


Not saying ladies should turn out to be SAUCY and PROUD. You can be free with everyone. It however doesn't mean you are open to being rolled over and disrespected.

Glad to know you have learnt all those little things now.

Though i strongly believe family ties should be strenghtened always but please not at the cost of losing your sanity.

@Bold:

This thread must not die ooo
One of the realest threads in family section

yetseyi:
This thread must not die ooo
One of the realest threads in family section

Second that!

Thirded

Wow!!! So this thread still dey.

I just came to learn because i pray for the best home. God willing, my future hubby will also help me to achieve it. God willing, i will be with a good man whom he will give long life and prosperity to become the head. I think every woman should start praying for their family from the very first day. Prayers will be like a shield. Having a supportive spouse is the best every woman should pray for. All other evils that attacks marriages will just be defeated. Amen

byvan03:
Wow!!! So this thread still dey.

beevan,longest time. How are the boys

imurboss:



beevan,longest time. How are the boys

My dear dem deyooo, how your platoon? where una go sef?

My dear, we just dey o, soldier go soldier come,barracks remain

Even though I have never commented,ts still a very good thread...abeg make una keep the fire burning especially for intending ones like us and I just wanna pray that all the marriages going through one storm or the other,because God gave u that spouse of yours...NOTHING shall break your home IJN.

Just saw this thread.
I'm having a serious challenge with my marriage.
my story is long pls bear with me.

I and hubby met while in school.
He chased me like crazy. We were just on and off.
After a while I decided to give it a try.

We got engaged often 3yrs of courting.
8 months after the engagement I took in.
Hubby wanted me to abort I refused. We had already done our introduction and all that so our both families knew each other.
Hubby changed that he wasn't ready for it .... I insisted I won't abort.
we could both afford the pregnancy so I couldn't understand him.
I can raise the child comfortably so I insisted I wasn't going to abort.

I had to involve his family when I realized he was serious.. and we had our trad last month.
The problem now is that hubby has completely changed.

He disrespect me now. Says all manner of silly things to me with disregard.
We work in different states.
Since we got married he hasn't visited me. I do the visiting. When I visit he's all loving and behaves.
Immediately I leave he goes back to the monster he used to be.
His extremely stubborn.
I've complained to his elder brother before but it okay made things worse.
He said I reported him. That do I think anyone can talk to him....

Last week we went to the embassy but we were denied visa because we ain't wedded yet.
He blamed me for it. Said I'm bad luck. I told him it's because we ain't t wedded and we should have done court like I suggested before.
He threatened to slap me so I kept quiet.

On our way back my flight was canceled but his wasn't. Cos we live in different states.
I had to take a bus back cos of work whilst he flew back.

My journey lasted for almost 12 hrs.
He didn't call me to know how far and refused to pick his calls.
my battery ran down and my parents and his where worried and kept calling me but I couldn't be reached.
My parents and his kept calling him but he didn't pick their calls.
Till now he hasn't returned my parents or any of my siblings calls.

I got home at 11pm that day.
my hubby hasn't called me till date and doesn't even pick my calls.

I sent him a message on whatsapp telling him I've not gone to work for two days cos of my health.
He replied telling me not to show up at his door without a week notice.
Right now I'm fed up.
I don't want to do the wedding or get more yoked to him in any legal way.
I just want to have my baby and take care of it.

I don't know what else to do.

Wapu concentrate on your unborn for now. Obviously he developed cold feet along the way and felt you took in to trap him. Hold off on the wedding for now, you don't drag a man kicking and trashing to the alter. Why the one week notice? You don't need to be told his head is somewhere else. I believe that deep down we always know the solutions to our problems but most times our cowardice won't let us face the reality on ground.

No point trying too hard, just have your child first Ok.

byvan03:
Wapu concentrate on your unborn for now. Obviously he developed cold feet along the way and felt you took in to trap him. Hold off on the wedding for now, you don't drag a man kicking and trashing to the alter. Why the one week notice? You don't need to be told his head is somewhere else. I believe that deep down we always know the solutions to our problems but most times our cowardice won't let us face the reality on ground.

No point trying too hard, just have your child first Ok.

You are right.
I've told the parents I'm not intrested in the wedding anymore.
He feels I planned the pregnancy.
I don't want him to feel like I forced him to get married to me.
He already feels that way though I can't change that but I can stop the wedding and I have.
I believe he's head is elsewhere too never given it much thought until now.
He was trying so hard to hide our trad wedding on social media.
My siblings and his put the pics and tagged us.
He even had to tell his colleagues it was photoshop.

What I don't understand is why I should want to trap a guy that just last dec I broke up with and he came to my village bearing gifts to give to my parents.
He bought two engagement rings because I returned the first one that I wasn't intrested anymore.

Now it seems to him like I'm trapping him?
Someone we had already done introduction and preparing for trad before I found out I was pregnant.
Why should I bother trapping him.

@Wapu, me think he has never been ready for the wedding. He was just flowing with d gist to save face until he has a reason, no matter how stupid the reason is to any other person?
I think yu shld concentrate on your health now and your baby. Suspend the wedding until further notice and use that period to reassess the whole situation. It's well with you o jare!

@Wapu,

I always advice ladies under any circumstances not to become pregnant prior to wedding. As a rule of thumb, chastity pays irrespective of how archaic people view it. It saves from many emotional torture.

However, the deed has been done. You should have known he wasn't ready when he asked you to abort the pregnancy. Who does that to someone he plans spending the rest of his life with? The pregnancy should have even given him the urge to quickly tie the knot.

Since you are not yet lawfully married, better save yourself now, count your losses and move on with your life. Take it as one of those bitter experiences to make one wise.

Parents, please teach your children street intelligence from childhood. It will save a lot of trouble in future.

wapu:


You are right.
I've told the parents I'm not intrested in the wedding anymore.
He feels I planned the pregnancy.
I don't want him to feel like I forced him to get married to me.
He already feels that way though I can't change that but I can stop the wedding and I have.
I believe he's head is elsewhere too never given it much thought until now.
He was trying so hard to hide our trad wedding on social media.
My siblings and his put the pics and tagged us.
He even had to tell his colleagues it was photoshop.

What I don't understand is why I should want to trap a guy that just last dec I broke up with and he came to my village bearing gifts to give to my parents.
He bought two engagement rings because I returned the first one that I wasn't intrested anymore.

Now it seems to him like I'm trapping him?
Someone we had already done introduction and preparing for trad before I found out I was pregnant.
Why should I bother trapping him.

Some people are confused like that, just focus on your child and from now just think of the best for you.

I'm happy I stumbled on this thread...
It is well with you wapu.

Wow!!! Where is everybody? It's been a while.

Godmystrength:
Wow!!! Where is everybody? It's been a while.

Are my eyes deceiving me?

Where have you been

Happy Happy new years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So good to have you back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bukatyne:


Are my eyes deceiving me?

Where have you been

Happy Happy new years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So good to have you back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol. Your eyes are not deceiving you.

Many things happened my dear but God is good

Missed you all

Where is aisha2?

elektra:
Godmystrength. I am not married and I am not in your situation, I am advising as someone that has seen 2 family members in this situation.

You have tried. Now stop feeding your husbands laziness. That man is USING you to get his meals for life. He is SELFISH and would not hesitate to betray you if he finds a juicier deal. I understand from your story that he resorts to shouting/anger and any other means to get you to do what he wants. He is also MANIPULATIVE. I am glad you have realized this yourself because some people in your situation do not see it till after a long time.

My aunty has just moved into her retirement home and her husband who has never worked a day in his life shamelessly moved in with her. You best stop making excuses and make changes now! Or you will continue like this for the next 20-30 years of your life.

My other aunty, after she paid the rent and fed the family year in, year out, her husband just disappeared after 15 year of marriage, when she went to his family they told her she is not their business. She was just like you, very submissive, constantly borrowing from family members, all our family knew her, after a while they know not to expect their money back. The man showed up more than ten years later with an oyinbo woman.

I am sharing this because I truly feel for you. Please I beg you, stop making excuses and make changes now! You have received some quality advice on this forum, choose not to be this mans meal ticket. As I am typing I wish I could just snap a finger and get you out of your situation, I have seen this with my eyes and it never ends well for the woman. My prayer for you is that 2-3years from now, you will have a different story to tell.

just like you have said" it never ends well" my Sil is exactly in this situation, getting to know my husband more before i got married to him, i discovered my Sil, her husband and children stay with my father-inlaw, not just accommodation but also feeding them, my SIL does not work in the same state where her family resides so she leaves for work on mondays and comes back on fridays, my Fil decides to give his rented apartment to my Sil husband to manage it as agent in order to get income, do you know that my SIL husband brings ladies to my father-inlaw house to sleep with them while the wife is away, i'm not just assumming this cause i saw him several times and he knows, my Sil takes care of her children, buys cloth for them, pays the children's school fees while my father inlaw takes care of the accommodation and feeding, its a long story which i dont know how to express it, the truth is sometimes in late september (2016) my sil did not see her husband, she thought he has travelled for business outside the state so when she did not hear from him she contacted the husband family members which they also said they have not heard from him. two weeks later my SIL Saw a missed call on her phone( international line) she didnt bother to call back, so the husband decided to chat her on whatssap that this is your husband but my Sil replied by telling him that my husband is in Nigeria, so the husband displayed his picture and also sent him his pics, he is now in USA. After all she has done, this is what she deserves, his family members are also supporting whenever the wife complains that her husband his not providing for the family,all they say is that he does not have. what hurts me more was that this man which the family claims does not have funds cheats alot, and you will see him attending shows, snapping at the shows and displaying it on whatssap. my Sil never felt it that much cause she was prepared for it, she had lived has if she is never had husband. it never ends well. long story dont know how to express it

Godmystrength:
Wow!!! Where is everybody? It's been a while.

Babe is good to have you back, believe it or not I think about you every now and then because of how the absence came about. I hope all is settled now. Welcome back!

Wow this thread is still here. Been going through so much. Thought of killing myself but I think of my kids. Am so tired