gabbrri:
I am presently battling this same issue. the funny thing about mine is that no member of my family have found out she is a single mother

And you don't intend telling them make dem no pour sand for you garri abi?

limitless777:

honestly I DO NOT intend to offend U Sir. BUT I will definitely face my front.

Sir? Lol. I'm a momma.

youthofnaija:

I will support 100% if you can answer these questions
1. If the lady in question was your daughter, will you drive away any man that comes to seek her hand in marriage because she is a single mother?
2. If the table was turned around, what will be your decision? That is, assuming the single mother is your sister or your daughter.

question 1: I must have been a failed father who didn't teach my daughter the moral of life or my daughter is the foolish type and if any man would ask her hand in marriage, I will tell the man that if you want to marry my foolish daughter I will never be responsible for the outcome.

question 2; if the table was turn around assuming the single mother was my sister or daughter. as for the daughter part, I have answered the question above and if it was my sister I will tell her right in the face that she is a stvpid girl for making that kind of mistake.

Rhea:


In all honesty, I do not think you are ready to marry. Marriage is a decision taken between two discerning and willing couples without any external coercion. You and your partner are the ones planning to get married, not your father, mother or great grand uncle. You do not marry to appease parents (unlike what most parents intend their children to believe). Most parents genuinely seek the happiness of their children when they start intervening like yours and dictate who you marry or not. However a good number of them let this love for their children to overwhelm their common sense of judgment. Listen to their advice as your parents, but DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. The consequences or blessings from your actions are yours and your partner's to carry/enjoy. If this decision is difficult for you to make, then you are not ready to get married. When you are ready, nobody should stop you.

And you're talking like someone who never grew up in Nigeria

Nne5:
She asked me if my family will allow me to marry her I said that should be my decision.

That should be your decision.

Why are you now 'fearing'

Except you think your FAM would influence your decision but don't allow them do that.

I know say na woman go talk this kin thing....Nigga,my advice is this...marry her if she is still a virgin....if not Run

kunlesufyan:
Put your self in your parent's shoes, would you allow your child who has had a child before??Think very hard before answering the question.

Your question is incomprehensible, please come clear.

first mistake, you too quick to bring her in the picture by taking her to your family when you know you have done full preparation of the marriage.
I had kids before marriage and I got all the blessing before my Inlaw was aware was after the wedding. I am having a peaceful home,

The truth of the whole matter is that you 80% close to loosing your marriage with her,it will only
takes the grace of God and a strong will man to win this to make it really work out.

Since when did humans become God who creates and judge people? Is it better to marry one who has committed many abortions and at the end of the day might not even give you a child? We all know we must respect our parents and all but when it comes to marriage and your personal happiness,you have to decide if their decisions would be best for you or not. OP,na u sabi wetin u want!

Opakan2:
Attimes it's better to heed family advice especially when relationship is involved.

Most of these girls out there are not just it.. social media and material things have killed most of them morally.

is a morally upbringing woman being a single mum?

this are the question we should be asking yourself but unfortunately, men have replace there brain with peni.s

kunlesufyan:
Put your self in your parent's shoes, would you allow your child who has had a child before??Think very hard before answering the question.

And how does it make her less humane than other ladies out there?Assuming you're the father of this lady in question,would you ever give out her hands in marriage?

Kenshinmunac:
So na your family they control you abi? You cannot make decision on your own regardless of other people's opinions be it family or other wise? You are not mature enough and you say you want to marry?

I feel like blessing you today. It's obvious omo de shi nii Op yii sha, him never sabi wetin marriage bi. Habaa! My cousin with three children just got married to another man last year, na man like you marry her, with just a child you dey fear your family, it shows you are not strong enough to fight for her, so just leave the girl for correct strong guy wey fit defend her to marry her abeg.

ststyreal:

I feel like blessing you today. It's obvious omo de shi nii Op yii sha, him never sabi wetin marriage bi. Habaa! My cousin with three children just got married to another man last year, na man like you marry her, with just a child you dey fear your family, it shows you are not strong enough to fight for her, so just leave the girl for correct strong guy wey fit defend her to marry her abeg.

Please don't feel like blessing, bless me Aunty!

goingape1:
is a morally upbringing woman being a single mum?

this are the question we should be asking yourself but unfortunately, men have replace there brain with peni.s

what's your point really?

why should I marry a single mum that young.. after fornicating all over the country, got used and dumped. I should now put that kind of thing at home to be doing what exactly?

In case you don't know 96% of such girls are not responsible one bit. only few are victims of circumstances.
She should look for a single baby daddy to be ovulating & menstruating in the home as she likes..Rubbish!

tosyne2much:
And you're talking like someone who never grew up in Nigeria

Does not work for everyone. If your parents are still feeding you and changing your diapers, then yes, you have to answer to all their beck and call. If you can fend for yourself, your parents are secondary in this issue. I am not commenting out of context. This has been tried, tested, and confirmed. You call the shots and EVERYBODY else tags along; unless you still live in your father's house rent free and collect monthly pocket money from them, in which case you do as they say.

Our problem in dis part of d world is dat we give place to tyns dat are not suppose to be.... Y shd parents decide to choose for an adult hu dey shd or shdnt marry.

limitless777:

U are the BEST. the VERY BEST.

i'm honoured sire

I've always regretted whenever I disobey my parents. Nowadays I don't tell them anything before I do.

goingape1:


question 1: I must have been a failed father who didn't teach my daughter the moral of life or my daughter is the foolish type and if any man would ask her hand in marriage, I will tell the man that if you want to marry my foolish daughter I will never be responsible for the outcome.

question 2; if the table was turn around assuming the single mother was my sister or daughter. as for the daughter part, I have answered the question above and if it was my sister I will tell her right in the face that she is a stvpid girl for making that kind of mistake.

Your comments depict how parochial and naive you're. I wouldn't be shocked if you're still a teenager.Though,you were making points to some extent,your juvenile-self revealed itself..It's people like you that end up condoning abortions just because you want a happy life for your child.

Opakan2:


what's your point really?

why should I marry a single mum that young.. after fornicating all over the country, got used and dumped. I should now put that kind of thing at home to be doing what exactly?

In case you don't know 96% of such girls are not responsible one bit. only few are victims of circumstances.
She should look for a single baby daddy to be ovulating & menstruating in the home as she likes..Rubbish!

read my post again but slowly!

franzis:
so sad we live in a society that is too quick to judge and castigate single mothers, but celebrate single fathers

I hate to read all this kind of Comments and all this victimisation bullshit.The society has been there before you were born and will continue to be there.No be today the African society begin to frown against a woman giving birth outside of marriage.So since women are aware that getting pregnant will put you in a terrible situation than the man,Don't get pregnant.Its not when one gets pregnant you begin to cry wolf. you know the consequences.It's as simple as that.Let's stop complicating things

Adiwana:

I hate to read all this kind of Comments and all this victimisation bullshit.The society has been there before you were born and will continue to be there.No be today the African society begin to frown against a woman giving birth outside of marriage.So since women are aware that getting pregnant will put you in a terrible situation than the man,Don't get pregnant.Its not when one gets pregnant you begin to cry wolf. you know the consequences.It's as simple as that.Let's stop complicating things

God bless you

MrEgghead:
Your comments depict how parochial and naive you're. I wouldn't be shocked if you're still a teenager.Though,you were making points to some extent,your juvenile-self revealed itself..It's people like you that end up condoning abortions just because you want a happy life for your child.

experience is the best teacher!

do you think everything is about love at first site.
marriage require more than love and it is something between two families.

so you want him to forsake his family for a woman who was irresponsible at her youthful age?

Adiwana:

I hate to read all this kind of Comments and all this victimisation bullshit.The society has been there before you were born and will continue to be there.No be today the African society begin to frown against a woman giving birth outside of marriage.So since women are aware that getting pregnant will put you in a terrible situation than the man,Don't get pregnant.Its not when one gets pregnant you begin to cry wolf. you know the consequences.It's as simple as that.Let's stop complicating things

thank you!

people will commit a terrible sin and be blaming the society! who is the society? are our parent not among the society!

those one cornered brain people up there who think the society is this and that are the one who will try not to let there child make this mistake.

if our society is not favourable than go to another country were the society will be favourable you. simple

Adiwana:

I hate to read all this kind of Comments and all this victimisation bullshit.The society has been there before you were born and will continue to be there.No be today the African society begin to frown against a woman giving birth outside of marriage.So since women are aware that getting pregnant will put you in a terrible situation than the man,Don't get pregnant.Its not when one gets pregnant you begin to cry wolf. you know the consequences.It's as simple as that.Let's stop complicating things

just imagine, is it the women that impregnated them self, and why doesn't this same African society frown at men impregnating women outside marriage... a man will impregnate a girl outside marriage and doesnt end up marrying her , but if he decide to re-marry the society wont blink an eye or shout he is a single father

ststyreal:

I feel like blessing you today. It's obvious omo de shi nii Op yii sha, him never sabi wetin marriage bi. Habaa! My cousin with three children just got married to another man last year, na man like you marry her, with just a child you dey fear your family, it shows you are not strong enough to fight for her, so just leave the girl for correct strong guy wey fit defend her to marry her abeg.

Let me come in here and correct a notion

What I want you to know is that every man has a standard/taste and it has nothing to do with "maturity" or not.. Your cousin might find a man who married her despite having three kids, but I, as a person won't marry such a woman due to my standard and personal choice.. It has to do with personal choice not me being immature.. However, the fact that a man can take the risk of getting married to a baby mama doesn't automatically qualify him to be more matured than another man who can't do that. You don't expect people to marry out of pity just to show to the world that they're matured


Back to the issue

We are in the part of the world where all protocols are duly observed when it comes to marriage.. Though, you can go against the protocols and stand your ground, but what happens afterwards? Hatred and enmity would be hurled at the lady by these family members

So my dear, in this kind of situation, the best you can do is to settle it amicably with your family members and give them reasons for your decisions.. No be by gra gra jawe.. No be by "wetin be una business with who I wan marry".. It's just more than that

Epositive:



you guys are advising him against his family/parents right? smh

it's his life tho, but future complications await him if he continues that relationship


#positivevibes

nobody is advicing him against his parent.. they have got no right to determine who he gets married to ,can only "advise" him ,that where their right ends..

what tribe are you from? Are your parents strict enough to disown you if you stand your ground? Are you willing to choose the woman instead of your family? Do you believe the lady in question is worth it?
If you answer these questions truthfully, you have your answer already.
I won't advice anyone directly, before they say one guy on nairaland is the one that destroyed their life

clemmonce:
when someone come online for advice please and please if you dont have anything to say keep quiet. the poster is confuse and the best you could say is this.

Marriage adviser,my question is sending high-waves into your system ,for your information there are millions of people here and all of us can never be adviser over everything.so carry your frustration and run off here.

Guy let her go. You need to be over 100% sure you want to marry her and made up your mind to marry her. Because your family is saying no because of her child you are confused. They got a point and trying to help you. Even marrying a woman with an ex who is still hanging around her e no easy talkless of your babe with a child. My guy wise up marriage is one of the greatest decisions you are going to make in life and trust me your decision is important so you don't go around blaming people and you will know it was your decision and you got to make it work

franzis:
just imagine, is it the women that impregnated them self, and why doesn't this same African society frown at men impregnating women outside marriage... a man will impregnate a girl outside marriage and doesnt end up marrying her , but if he decide to re-marry the society wont blink an eye or shout he is a single father

Since the society doesn't frown against a man Having children outside and in some cases encourages it and reverse is the case with women,the duo has already known their positions on having a child outside marriage.So if as a woman or a man,you have a child,you already know where you stand.Not crying over spilled milk cos whether you like it or not as a woman,you will bear the brunt of it

Guy let her go. You need to be over 100% sure you want to marry her and made up your mind to marry her. Because your family is saying no because of her child you are confused. They got a point and trying to help you. Even marrying a woman with an ex who is still hanging around her e no easy talkless of your babe with a child. My guy wise up marriage is one of the greatest decisions you are going to make in life and trust me your decision is important so you don't go around blaming people and you will know it was your decision and you got to make it work. She is not forcing u and don't let anyone force you