ngmgeek:
You are the problem and not your wife. First, why go through counseling if you didn't have the balls to admit that you have been cheating on her? After 15 years or thereabout, you now come to Nairaland to look for advice as if you will abide by any good advice here. Talk to your wife and tell her to forgive you because you cheated on her and that you have been deceitful since you began fooling around with the shameless lady you are having affair with. You may no longer love your wife, do you hate your two kids too or love them. Sometime real men and women stay married and in relationships because of the kids!

But 42 years don reach to get sense. He is not a jet age boy when he is 42. Why is he so foolish?

SafeDavid:


I don hear...

Like you don't know the popular saying that there are no permanent friends but permanent interests.

In marriage, you both have common interest which is to build a family and raise healthy kids. Finding fulfillment and happiness while doing this is a plus unfortunately not everyone gets.

I believe you also don't know that this statement was made in regards to politics.

"I have discovered that love doesn't guarantee the success of a relationship. Love cannot help you stick to one person all year round, and on the other hand, cheating isn't always a product of not loving your partner.

In fact, loving someone doesn't guarantee not falling in love with someone else. Relationships work out mostly because of our heads not our hearts.

It works out because of our emotional maturity, empathetic intelligence and self discipline; because, time will come when you'll see more beautiful, handsome, romantic, intelligent, sexy, rich, curvy and God fearing people than the one you're in a relationship with.

In those times, love will not help you. Self control will help you. Emotional intelligence will come to your rescue and commitment will keep you going.

With those characteristics, no matter how you feel for someone else, the person you're committed to will rank first in your life.

You think happily married people don't see better people than the ones they married? You think they don't feel funny sometimes? You think they don't catch feelings? They do!

But understanding that commitment is greater than feelings and is the great arsenal that do destroy those unhelpful impulses.

You can fall in love with anyone, but building a relationship takes absolutely more than what attracted you to them and takes more than love.

We are too fond of loving when it's convenient and sweet. We are too fond of loving when love is there; but that can only last for just the first 3 - 6 months of the relationship.

After then, you'll realise that the feelings have dropped and it's now your responsibility to make the relationship work, not love's responsibility.

Relationships cannot be readymade. You have to build it and it's never always about love, it requires commitment and intelligence.

On the long run in marriages, it's not just love that keeps them together forever, it's determination and commitment.

Everyone falls in love; it takes little or no effort to do that. But staying in love? Building a relationship? Only the strong and committed ones do that.

That's why we must find that one person and commit to that one, discipline yourself and bridle your emotions.

Building a relationship is hard work, it's like building a career, It's like pursuing a dream.

It's always tough. At some point it will be so bitter but you can make it work by putting your heads together. You can scale through the trying times by staying focused and committed.

The kind of love that attracts two people together is not the kind of love that will keep them together. Be emotionally strong and be self disciplined.

Please imbibe and share with the young adults, married and unmarried couples.

ifenes:
Marriage is what we have all be taught to be in,not really what we yearn for. The Soul yearns for happiness even when religion and traditional beliefs weighs it down. OP doesn't have to stay in a marriage that doesn't make him happy. Be happy,that's what life is all about. It can be difficult and you might lose a lot but why stay unhappy?

The only catch is aligning the happiness of three people: husband, wife & children; That is why it is said "the urge for unity stifles variety, yet "variety is the spice of life"

I don't call this love but lust and what I can say about this is just infidelity. You can't prove to anyone that you've endured a relationship of over 5 years with wonderful children and now that you got to see a woman who you think is attracted to you sexually, you now felt you don't love the mother of your children again, I will advice you to just stick to your woman and move on all cos of the children and forget the list in your heart... what goes around, comes around.... the Satan you've knew for long is better than the new angel.. peace out

Maybe you guys should take a break from each other and then you will realize how much you will miss each other.....put yourself in her shoes... you think after 15yrs some men out there don't find her attractive

Wish I can see u in person to give u 2 hot slaps so that u will come back to ur senses.... Your wife of 15yrs, u want to sacrifice that and your lovely children to a gal u're lusting after not up to a year?

A reasonable Lady won't create problem in ur home or even want u to divorce ur wife for her sake.. .. Haba! Make I tell u oooo, you're just the best now cos you're showering her with gifts and lust not love. Pick up ur shoes and tear race straight to your wife... .. Oh yes! Apologize to her from the sincerity of ur heart n to ur children, then amend ur lustful way of life........ Remember the Devil u know is better than the angel u don't know....Gbagam!!!

Hey Op!

Wake up!

Go and ask psychologist; what is affecting you is just that you are surprise that a young and proberbly a more beautiful woman than your wife has accepted an old "cargo" like you. Bet me, if you divorce your wife because of this lady you might regret it later because she will serially cheat on you when she eventually discovers the truth. I also guess that she might be a very young colleague who doesn't know how to return clandestine favour you have been doing to but to succumb to your sexual advance. Be warned!

ItzChinnex:
Seun, Please shift this to front page as this may save some shaking Marriage. Thanks.

I am 42, married for 15 years and have two wonderful kids (7 & 3). My wife and I had about 13-14 pretty good years before I began to realize that I wasn't really in love with her, and maybe never was. For a year a co-worker and I began a relationship.

I had always been attracted to her, and I acted on it. Until a month ago we had carried the relationship from some very exciting sex to a very strong emotional relationship. She finally said the words that we should not see each other socially anymore, at least until I decide what to do with my situation at home. I agreed.

My wife and I have been in counseling for about six months, and she doesn't know about my affair. Neither does the counselor, who recently told her she thought the marriage was over. I am deeply in love with the woman I have had an affair with, and told her so during our last encounter (after we decided to call it off).

She told me she loved me, also. Now my wife and I are so distant. I do not find her attractive in the least - and we have not had sex for months. When we did it took all I had to get through it.

My heart hurts badly for the woman I love. She is putting up a strong front and moving on. Even seeing other men. She said in a year, if we are both available, maybe we can try to build a real, honest relationship. My two kids, who are my world, are trapped in between. I don't know what to do. I love another women, but I still care for my wife - just don't love her anymore, and not sure I can again. I've made these mistakes, but I believe I am truly in love for the very first time in my life.

How do I keep hope that things will turn out all right?
Please drop your comments

Source: https://chinnex..com/2017/04/advicr-i-care-for-my-wife-but-love.html

Seun , Lalasticlala , Mynd44

Greedy man, if both women are still reverse back and you met them both 14 years ago, you may still love your wife, you should learn to stick to your wife because you could still love another woman again after 10 years of dating this fresher too... First time love always seem that way, the same thing that happened to ahmed Musa and to most of us men. You love your woman but the greed of a new fresher is disturbing your brain, soon she will also fade away and your dick will be looking for another. Let her got 2 kids too, everything will change.


Modified, I have a daughter of 5 years old, been in a relationship with a woman since 2008 febuary till date, she has been living with me since 2012, I have slide over 4 to 5 fresher that felt like a real love, even once was even 4 years and already bored and trying to chase her away to at least feel breath to work on my relationship, realising thar all new things will soon fade away.

To add to this

A Counsellor once told me that Love will one day look like it's fading, but when you marry for a "defined purpose" you will always want to stay with your partner when you think of the purpose.

Secondly, your new Lady will never trust you even when you eventually marry her at least if you could leave your wife of 14 years for her, then you can as well leave her for another if the love dies.

From your explanation, you are only in lust with her physical appearance and not thinking of what she has to offer.

I bet you if you go ahead with the new lady, she will frustrate you into seeing nothing good in your family of 14 years because she wants you to concentrate on hers.

If you know you love life, don't add another baggage to the one you already have.

baby124:
New things always hold our attention till we get used to it and then it loses attraction. I am sure you are not the same sexy man your wife married, and vice versa. The new lady is amazing because she is new too, and you can't believe someone like her will find you attractive. Grow up ! She probably just likes the extra money you can offer. Don't be delusional and stick to your vows.

if u ask me na who i go ask....hmmmm..human being nd der character...it is naw u no u dont luv her after all dis year...e dey ur body..we dnt cherish wat we ve until we lose dem

sarrki:


The word of an elder

Uncle sarrki, so no be only politics section you siddon on top
Anyway, happy new month to you.

Ayanfeoluwaoba:
To add to this

A Counsellor once told me that Love will one day look like it's fading, but when you marry for a "defined purpose" you will always want to stay with your partner when you think of the purpose.

Secondly, your new Lady will never trust you even when you eventually marry her at least if you could leave your wife of 14 years for her, then you can as well leave her for another if the love dies.

From your explanation, you are only in lust with her physical appearance and not thinking of what she has to offer.

I bet you if you go ahead with the new lady, she will frustrate you into seeing nothing good in your family of 14 years because she wants you to concentrate on hers.

If you know you love life, don't add another baggage to the one you already have.

The problem with most of us men are a fresher will only reveal a pro and not con of her characters but a lady of 14 years already shown the entire pro and con and even extra details of herself, she already part of the man's life, but greed will surely made this man leave his wife and 2 children to another woman , even with 2 children enough, life could be better without adding any plus either your woman exist or not. All he need is work on your relationship and focus on project like building, business and how to plan for both kids right from now so they can brag like davido, and not making his dick be direction of his life just like my past

You took her off the "market" Now u wanna put her back on the shelf after taking her home and keeping her for 15 years.. Na so dem dey do for Una own market?...Young man, it's for better for worse.. Stick it through..Thats why I advise men to marry their best friend and lover.. A lady ur attracted to both physically and behavior wise to avoid stories.. I no go carry because say love blind marry slim woman cuz I love thick ladies..

ephi123:


Uncle sarrki, so no be only politics section you siddon on top
Anyway, happy new month to you.

Thank dearie

Happy new month

See you on politics section

sarrki:




Thank dearie

Happy new month

See you on politics section

Thank you.

See you there

Justdare:

Are you sure you don't know OP. This one wey you no gree commot finger for 'P'.
You won't know what the guy is going. A lot of us find ways to fill the 'empty' in our lives albeit the wrong ways.
We search externally for solutions to our internal problems. It works for a period until the new chick shows her true colour.
The biggest mistake you'll make is to marry the lady in question cause by then you would have turned the good woman you have (or had by then) into a bitter enemy.
You don't wanna mess with a woman who genuinely loved you cause she'll hate you with the same intensity.
Bros, your life go scatter oooo.

No sir i dont no him from Adam.am only speaking my mind .the OP sound like he is trapped in the marriage and seeking for escape route. He should ask the wife and do a survey and see if he has really been a good husband to her.most peoole play the victim just to justify their selfish interest. He should work on himself.

Mynd44:


When you fall in love with a person's personality and not their body, they can add a million pounds and you will still be a mumu for them.

Issa logic

Completely true .
Falling in love with personality. Last for years .. If not life time .

Op better readjust your mindset and make it work . you knew from day one before u married your wife .

What baffles with some people is that they don't love whom they are married to but still end up saying I do?
I honestly don't get the rationale behind it .knowing fully well its marriage till death do us part.
I just don't understand

I think many people in the society force themselve to marriage because of coercion from parents and friends. What will fail to understand is the consequence in the future...mathematically, the OP first son is 7 years old which means he was at the age of x to 35 when he had is first son. Considering this factor, he was afraid that of his age and the result is....he married a lady he never wanted in his life. In conclusion, we need to stop forcing people to marry out of their wish.

Mid life crisis!!

rosalieene:

since you couldn't Google it, I helped you.

Love is an intense feeling of affection toward another person. It's a profound and caring attraction that forms emotional attachment. On the flip side, lust is a strong desire of a sexual nature that is based on physical attraction.

Thank you.

fuckerstard:


I won't dare blame the other lady, you don't know what OP don load for her head. Scope too much for we guys

Seriously, datz why I dont blame my hubby's dem sidechicks cuz una men can fit make a lady feel she is d only one dat matters..

ItzChinnex:
Seun, Please shift this to front page as this may save some shaking Marriage. Thanks.

I am 42, married for 15 years and have two wonderful kids (7 & 3). My wife and I had about 13-14 pretty good years before I began to realize that I wasn't really in love with her, and maybe never was. For a year a co-worker and I began a relationship.

I had always been attracted to her, and I acted on it. Until a month ago we had carried the relationship from some very exciting sex to a very strong emotional relationship. She finally said the words that we should not see each other socially anymore, at least until I decide what to do with my situation at home. I agreed.

My wife and I have been in counseling for about six months, and she doesn't know about my affair. Neither does the counselor, who recently told her she thought the marriage was over. I am deeply in love with the woman I have had an affair with, and told her so during our last encounter (after we decided to call it off).

She told me she loved me, also. Now my wife and I are so distant. I do not find her attractive in the least - and we have not had sex for months. When we did it took all I had to get through it.

My heart hurts badly for the woman I love. She is putting up a strong front and moving on. Even seeing other men. She said in a year, if we are both available, maybe we can try to build a real, honest relationship. My two kids, who are my world, are trapped in between. I don't know what to do. I love another women, but I still care for my wife - just don't love her anymore, and not sure I can again. I've made these mistakes, but I believe I am truly in love for the very first time in my life.

How do I keep hope that things will turn out all right?
Please drop your comments

Source: https://chinnex..com/2017/04/advicr-i-care-for-my-wife-but-love.html

Seun , Lalasticlala , Mynd44

Intelligent nonsense

this guy,your comments most time,knock me off with laughter, they lighten up the ugly situation of our beautiful country

It is called MIDLIFE CRISIS...You are only trying to recreate your youth which you helplessly watch ebbing away. Feeling yoked to same woman on whom domestic challenges and childbirth may have taken its toll does not help matters. The children should keep the bond, more so remembering your wife may feel same way but does a lot to suppress it. At this stage in marriage, the head, rather than the heart rules. You seem to be ruled more by the heart..Most marriages in the western world crash at this point but Africans seem to have more staying power, probably due to better extended family support and advice. You can deal with this, man. Make a deliberate attempt at it.

ItzChinnex:
Seun, Please shift this to front page as this may save some shaking Marriage. Thanks.

I am 42, married for 15 years and have two wonderful kids (7 & 3). My wife and I had about 13-14 pretty good years before I began to realize that I wasn't really in love with her, and maybe never was. For a year a co-worker and I began a relationship.

I had always been attracted to her, and I acted on it. Until a month ago we had carried the relationship from some very exciting sex to a very strong emotional relationship. She finally said the words that we should not see each other socially anymore, at least until I decide what to do with my situation at home. I agreed.

My wife and I have been in counseling for about six months, and she doesn't know about my affair. Neither does the counselor, who recently told her she thought the marriage was over. I am deeply in love with the woman I have had an affair with, and told her so during our last encounter (after we decided to call it off).

She told me she loved me, also. Now my wife and I are so distant. I do not find her attractive in the least - and we have not had sex for months. When we did it took all I had to get through it.

My heart hurts badly for the woman I love. She is putting up a strong front and moving on. Even seeing other men. She said in a year, if we are both available, maybe we can try to build a real, honest relationship. My two kids, who are my world, are trapped in between. I don't know what to do. I love another women, but I still care for my wife - just don't love her anymore, and not sure I can again. I've made these mistakes, but I believe I am truly in love for the very first time in my life.

How do I keep hope that things will turn out all right?
Please drop your comments

Source: https://chinnex..com/2017/04/advicr-i-care-for-my-wife-but-love.html

Seun , Lalasticlala , Mynd44

Dude you made vows..marriage vows. U will love love your wife. Cherish and adore her..till death do u part..You must uphold and fulfill ur vows..stay glued to ur wife..if u give ur wife the attentions u give ur lover u would find out she is better..don't be deceived by a new and tighter pussey.. Ur wife's pussey was once tighter than Lagos traffic..

Remain wise, very viable for this generation.

Mynd44:
There is something people dont realize or understand about feelings before rushing into marriage.

Your wife/husband is not the last woman/man you will fall in love with

Your wife/husband is not the last woman/man you will find your self sexually attracted to

You might think leaving your wife for this woman is the best. Heck, you might even believe it but what happens in 7 years when you find yourself falling in love with another woman?
What happens when you find yourself sexually attractive to another woman?
What happens when you begin to feel a different connection with another woman? A connection so deep, it makes you rethink staying with this new woman?

What will you do? Marriage is not all about love and what you feel for your wife. A lot of times in a marriage, you will sit down and think to yourself why you chose to marry this person. Sometimes, you might even hate the person you married guess what, it is not totally abnormal.

Marriage like life has a lot of ups and downs, but do not because of the downs think you cant go up because the down just makes the journey up a lot more fun.

But then again, what do I know? I dont even have a girlfriend not to talk about marriage. I hope you make the right choice.

Sallam

B4 I start reading lemme goan call Elsie Okpocha..

Are you daddy G.O or something ? Bless you.

EzeChux:
"I have discovered that love doesn't guarantee the success of a relationship. Love cannot help you stick to one person all year round, and on the other hand, cheating isn't always a product of not loving your partner.

In fact, loving someone doesn't guarantee not falling in love with someone else. Relationships work out mostly because of our heads not our hearts.

It works out because of our emotional maturity, empathetic intelligence and self discipline; because, time will come when you'll see more beautiful, handsome, romantic, intelligent, sexy, rich, curvy and God fearing people than the one you're in a relationship with.

In those times, love will not help you. Self control will help you. Emotional intelligence will come to your rescue and commitment will keep you going.

With those characteristics, no matter how you feel for someone else, the person you're committed to will rank first in your life.

You think happily married people don't see better people than the ones they married? You think they don't feel funny sometimes? You think they don't catch feelings? They do!

But understanding that commitment is greater than feelings and is the great arsenal that do destroy those unhelpful impulses.

You can fall in love with anyone, but building a relationship takes absolutely more than what attracted you to them and takes more than love.

We are too fond of loving when it's convenient and sweet. We are too fond of loving when love is there; but that can only last for just the first 3 - 6 months of the relationship.

After then, you'll realise that the feelings have dropped and it's now your responsibility to make the relationship work, not love's responsibility.

Relationships cannot be readymade. You have to build it and it's never always about love, it requires commitment and intelligence.

On the long run in marriages, it's not just love that keeps them together forever, it's determination and commitment.

Everyone falls in love; it takes little or no effort to do that. But staying in love? Building a relationship? Only the strong and committed ones do that.

That's why we must find that one person and commit to that one, discipline yourself and bridle your emotions.

Building a relationship is hard work, it's like building a career, It's like pursuing a dream.

It's always tough. At some point it will be so bitter but you can make it work by putting your heads together. You can scale through the trying times by staying focused and committed.

The kind of love that attracts two people together is not the kind of love that will keep them together. Be emotionally strong and be self disciplined.

Please imbibe and share with the young adults, married and unmarried couples.

sharliz:
At the expense of making the wife n kids unhappy? Dats so unfair

Making others happy while neglecting yourself isn't a good life. He won't be there for her emotionally but financially which is what he is already doing I'm sure. And of course that doesn't stop him from being a great father to his kids. They will grow up to understand how life works.

This is a self imposed problem and requires only yourself to solve the problem. Nowhere in your article did u state dat ur wife did this or that to you. You were simply carried away by the lust u had for ur co worker and along the line became infatuated with her. Your kids also didn't do anything to u and shouldn't be part of the vicious circle.
If you want ur marriage to work, then u ve to make it work even by going the extra mile. So many marriages after some time loose that allure and fragrance but they don't bring in a third party and start making comparison. The moment you do that, it becomes the beginning of the end of that relationship.
My advise to u is to immediately call it quits with ur cowoker. Don't tell me it's difficult to do. If u know how u started it, then end it like that. Then go to your wife and confess and apologize. She will definitely accept it so far as u re sincere. Then take it as a duty to make d relationship work for the sake of ur family.