Bros, that your wife is dancing to a music being played by her family and your best bet is to be a real man. Few words with lots of silence is the key here.

Those guys have a bigger plan but your wife isn't ready to play their game yet hence her on and off attitude.

Just keep calm and watch their next step. Never shift your grounds on certain decisions or you'll keep shifting.

One more thing, never let anyone dictate how you treat your mum.

For your wife not to give your mother food in your own house is the height of it, your wife lacks proper upbringing and to think her mum was there. Nobody likes divorce but attitude of both parties determine how long a marriage will last.

Double your prayer and hustle. She and her family feel because you are broke they can control you.

Give her marriage n discover d witch u were dating!

U too soft o, op.

Avoid taking charity from d in-laws.

Ur marriage is f*cked, sha.

U both, are not matured.


U've left a lot out. Everything is just jumbled. U can fuel ur gen everyday, but u need approval to buy fuel to go pick ur mom? Was there no father figure for u? This ur post, makes me scared for my kids

donstan18:


You may not understand until you experience or hear stories on how inlaws have been causing problems in their children's marriage

yeah...you are right...but from his summation, the wife needs to be more responsible to her husband and marriage...like I said earlier,she led them. If you put your foot down and make them understand there are boundaries and your marriage is one of them...they will not have entrance.

Marriage between 0-5 years needs thorough counseling...cos the rate of divorce within these years is quite high and alarming...Both of you are highly immature, first and foremost, I think no one is seeing the bad sides of your mum too... She's lazy and all because of a fight, she went to make her hair all alone... I don't really support how your wife handles matters but I think both of you really need to stay off your family members... The fact that you eat and get financial support from you sisinlaw makes her treat you like some piece of trash...

Pay up and man up... Double your hustle and stop seeking advices from her family...

Go pick her for your child's sake... But learn to let off grudges, give listening ears and run your marriage with your wife...

Be easy in her and let pride away... I bet in 10years you'll stay giving marriage counseling to people too

VampireeM:
Reading this was heart breaking for me. I think your wife is immature, indecisive and is kind of tired and so looking for excuses to have space. Her sister is also not helping matters cause she seems to be giving her wrong advice. I am also ashamed of her mother who was meant to caution her daughter on her excesses has decided to keep quiet.
Op, please have a heart to heart conversation with your wife without grudges and find out what the issue is cause these you wrote above may not be the reasons for her actions.
You have to tell her plainly you are disappointed in her actions and please ensure she shows remorse. Then let down your ego, forgive her and bring back her things before issues escalates. Marriage can only work between two people willing to compromise and make it work.

IMO, your wife is strong headed and getting wrong and terrible advice and that's what about to ruin this marriage before she realises it

na one side of the story be this na. Bet if u hear the wifes side u wud be shocked

Hey guys.... It's a marriage, so there is another side to the story. Ur marriage is going through its teething stage, so forget divorce. First mistake : 2 in laws under the same roof. Its gonna be war. Secondly, u should Balance ur relationship between wife and her family and urs. Third, I agree. U can't carry the load back. Let her get an uber or something. But forget divorce, work on the marriage. She loves u, it's just pride

SaudiBoy:
Greeting to everyone. I am in serious dilemma and need matured advice.

I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married last year and God blessed us recently with a child.

My problem began when my business nose dived and we began facing a little difficulty, my wife's sister who happens to be my good friend also stepped in and helped us with a loan totalling 340k which i have paid 190k and still making out ways to pay back the rest.
During those trying times my wife and i would go there and spend days to alleviate pressure of feeding, please i went there with her because I felt welcomed and they never made me feel i was Inlaw, a stranger will think am part of the mums children.

Now the main gbese is this, my wife's mum has been staying with us since this year, taking care of wifey as she put to bed and we have been living peacefully.

Now my mum wanted to come and spend time with us, and the problem started when my mum told me to come with my car and carry her as things she bought for us were too much for her to carry and enter public bus, and i agreed. I went to inform my wife and she kicked against it, citing high fuel cost and lack of money. I talked to her to forget about the money side of her story and see it as a sacrifice. It is a 6 hour journey to and fro.
When she saw she could not convince me, she reported to her sister who tried to talk me out of going to pick my mum, but i refused and told her my mind was made up. Then my wife resorted to i will see those things your mother will bring and come.

Then it got to the day i was going to pick my mum, I called my wife and told her i want your mum to stay and be bathing baby and taking care of you, as I know my mum is now lazy and can't do these work continually, they both agreed. I went and brought my mum home. And the journey to hell started.

There is this girl married with two kids i have warned my wife about to quit been friends with her as despite been married she is a big cheat who sleeps with men for money. So this girl came to my house to visit my wife, and there was this white man at my wife's former place of work that my wife has been chatting with, I read all their chats and had nothing to fault with their conversation, until i discovered my wife sent scantly dressed pictures of her friend to the white man and gave the man the girls contact. I was very furious and felt disappointed, y she did this, that was where my anger started.

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do. This word hurt me and i harboured it in my heart for her.

I and her mum tried to talk to her she didn't still see what she did as bad, then i reported her to her sister whom I felt was close to us and will advice her but no she continued her chat and instead changed her phone pattern.

So we started having issues, every small thing irritated me, then my wife started complaining about my mum, once i go to work and come back, no welcome hug, it will be ur mum said this. Therefore i should Go and fight her if that was her expectation.

The wrong thing I did was not hearing her out, because I already had this grudge in my mind for her bcoz of the statement she made about the white man. And I was already under pressure, how to pay off my debts feed and provide for my family and the 2 additional mouths that came, run generator everyday, and doing everything not to allow my family feel any form of hardship.

Then one day her sister called me and there was nothing she did not say on phone that day, my wife called her and was crying my mum was maltreating her and i kept quiet.
In her sisters exact words, u should be happy my sister married you bcoz she would have seen a better man. These are now the words my wife tells me.

Now the main problem my mum fell sick and she wanted to go back, fuel has now become 145, she met my wife and asked her how will she go if i will drop her or she will take public transport, my wife came to ask me and i ignored it because I didn't want to stir up quarrel. So I met my mother in-laws and told her i would like to go and drop my mum and she said OK if i have spare money for fuel i should do it that moreover my mum is sick.

I wanted to go look for a way to tell my wife but my mum was already dressed thinking she was going that day and was in the room with my wife, and i was to take my mum to somewhere before she goes, and she was in a hurry, I couldn't tell her anymore of my decision, and promised to call her on phone. Only for me to come to the parlor, in front of my mother in-law,i told my mum I would drop her but she had to wait till the next day early morning as I had jobs I needed to attend to.

I then left with my mum to the place she was going to and when we came back, I was with my wife in the room and she was shouting on top her voice, that I shud choose between her and my mum, and that if I go and drop my mum off at her place, she will pack her load and go. I laughe thinking it was a joke.
So mum heard what she said and left my house in anger, in retaliation, that's how i feel, she went to make her hair, as my wife has been begging to come let them go and make her, she cited sickness as example. When I saw my mum with the hair i was bitter and told her to better look for an excuse to give my wife.

She came home and my wife saw the hair and was deeply hurt, mum tried talking to her but it couldn't pacify here, i begged her she refused, so I decided to leave the house and go back to my work, at the door my wife told me to make sure i come back early as she won't givevny mum food, I begged her still, called her when i left and sent an SMS from work, but alas when I got home around past 11pm she didn't give my mum food.

I called my wife, mum and mum Inlaw and tried talking to them so that what ever venom in them will soften, I spoke at length and my mum spoke, when it got to my wife's turn, she flared up and insulted everyone and left, I was disappointed.

The next day morning my mum was finally going to leave, my wife woke up, met her at the door and passed her without greeting and when we were about to leave my wife never came back to say good bye

I travelled and came back and true to her words she packed out of our house and went to Her sisters house.
I called her sister to enquire she wouldn't answer, I went to her house and for 2 hours nobody opened the gate for me, despite hearing my horns and my many calls to her phone which she finally picked and told Me no one was around to open gate for me, quite shortly I saw my mum Inlaw, I asked her how can she encourage her dorta to pack out of the house, she said she was not around when she packed. So my wife's sister knowing her mum was at the gate sent someone to open it and since I was still outside called me she was sending someone to open gate for me, in anger I left and told her not to worry as she was opening it for her mum.
I called my sister in-laws husband and informed him my wife packed to his house without my consent and he was away from town and said when he come back.

He came back and called me after talking to us, I told him I have already changed the padlock of our protector that my wife must apologise before i will let her in again. my wife's response was that she needed a break of 6 months then changed to she was done.

I posted a picture of me holding our baby and wrote some love touching words to him, my wife saw it and became very upset and jelos, and the new accusation became I value our child more than her and don't appreciate her. Then I went to work only to come back home, I saw the locks to the house has been broken, I met my wife packing her remaining things that she needs space, I tried talking to her, next thing her sister called that what is holding her, my wife said I was stopping her, her sister came to my house packed my wife's things including my mum in-laws things, before they left I called my mum Inlaw to ask if she was aware and she said yes, that she heard because of how my wife treated my mum that I said she will not come to my house again, a word I said out of anger. That was how they left.

It's been 3 weeks now I have forgiven my wife and we have settled and she even passed a night in the house and we made mad love

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

At this juncture I became irritated. Seriously I don't want a broken home since am a product of one, and I know the effects it has on a child.

For 3 weeks I have been jumping from canteen to canteen, I don't know what to do, if to go and bring the load or just allow them to remain there.

Please i need candid advice and criticism, not insult as am already broken.

Am 31 and my wife is 26

oga be a man, take your stand and make sure you stand by it, stop being a push over, if you must carry the load do that because you love her not because your marriage is threatened, why would your in-laws always threaten you in your marriage?? , stop being weak because one day you wife might wake up to decide how many breathe you should take. You that wears the shoes knows how best its pains you but if i was in your shoes i would ignore her and her family for some time to even know if she still values our marriage... If she does no one will tell her to come back and apologize if she does not then calculate your next move according to how you want to live your life. Hope for the best but always prepare for the worst!!!

Please report them to an elder in the family or a spiritual leader that they respect. Someone needs to tell them to back off. Your wife doesn't have a mind of her own. She is acting like a puppet.

She has no right insulting your mum. She must also apologize to your her.

If push comes to shove, let her be. Don't call her or show interest in her(except for your son).She will get scared that she is losing you.

You should probably get your sister or cousin to come cook for you and stock it in your refrigerator. But don't tell your wife your sister made it. Tell her it's a good friend of yours. Your wife is spoilt and acting foolish. Her sister is still in her husband's house and will probably not allow anyone interfer.

That wife is annoying.

This explains why the older generation of men did not ask their wives opinion when doing things

Many people only find out the real person they marry when there are challenges eg financial one. Some women have been feeding and paying bills for the family and no one gets to know( God bless them).:bt majority na den wahala go start. U bcom a useless man. They stop respecting u too. Sometimes i think marriage is overated and not worth it

FluidQueen:
Me thinks Marriage is All about Compromise. Reaching a healthy level of understanding. Your Wife is stubborn, a hothead even, but Well, the both of You dated for 8 Years, you knew this before marrying her.

I have no advice but FIX YOUR MARRIAGE. It won't make you any less of a man if you go Get her things from her Sister's place. In cases like this, one has to do away with pride. It won't do you any good. You'd have to make sacrifices, be the bigger person.

Then, maybe when she's back in your house. Ask her what she really wants. Engage her in a deep tête-à-tête. Tell her that marriage isn't a joke and she shouldn't always have to pull a stunt when both of you have contretemps. This is beyond her now. You guys have kids to nurture. Family to build. This isn't a joke anymore.

Rubbish advice.....
Tell d woman to act mature too!

Muafrika2:
That wife is annoying.

This explains why the older generation of men did not ask their wives opinion when doing things

They are the real men, not the Weaklings of these days, imagine letting your sister in-law telling you wat to do.

Heck, You can't try this with men from my side, we don't take nonsense.

Lol. I read. Your story and laughed. Bro, your wife is not even close to what my bro's wife is. It was bad to the extent she wanted to stop my brother from seeing every member of his family just cos her papa get money.

My brother just left her to stay in her family house for almost a year with their daughter(he was ready to damn the consequence than live a miserable young life). Never begged her and even started dating in case the marriage fails.

Till now if I go to their house, baby girl dey greet me with respect.

You need to show your immature and spoiled wife your emotions are in check.. Be a man and be firm with your decision.

Divorce no be disease especially when you wifed the wrong person.

I'm speaking from a very personal experience.

Ego is killing both of you...i understand your stand that so far she was d one that packed out she shd pack in herself... And she too be like if he still want me he shd subdue his ego and pack my things back.... I ll beg u as d man... Just subdue your ego even when ure right with your point...go n pack her things, laugh over it n joke with her ego, spank her for been stubborn n have a make up x the night that follow... The next day tell her aw much ure hurt n y u wanted her to pack in herself.... Tell her u did d sacrifice for love and for d child... End it in kiss n kitchen x

Thank me later

Sad

Spactacle:


Exactly what I was about saying.
His wife doesn't have her own say, she's been controlled by her sis and her mum ain't even helping

The guy has been depending on his in-law for financial support. He has no say in the direction his family should follow

@op, sincerely speaking in as much as I feel your pain. I think your wife is immature judging from her age. She doesn’t trust her own judgment hence she relies on he sister for advice whilst she has a family to build. This is always the case with younger wives. I am not married but I feel your pain. Younger wives are naive, very typical to dating an undergraduate. But that being said. I feel the reason why she is treating u this way is cos your financial status has declined hence she feels u have nothing to offer for now which is basically what a typical undergraduate will perceive. Marriage is bound to have financial issues at some point but being able to manage and overcome the weight is what makes the marriage strong. You are the man of the house. Forgive her and bring her back cos she is your wife. But always stick to your words. If she ever threatens to leave or eventually leaves again, just let her be. She still doesn’t understand what marriage is all about and with time she would com back to her senses. Her sister is killing your marriage.

FluidQueen:
Me thinks Marriage is All about Compromise. Reaching a healthy level of understanding. Your Wife is stubborn, a hothead even, but Well, the both of You dated for 8 Years, you knew this before marrying her.

I have no advice but FIX YOUR MARRIAGE. It won't make you any less of a man if you go Get her things from her Sister's place. In cases like this, one has to do away with pride. It won't do you any good. You'd have to make sacrifices, be the bigger person.

Then, maybe when she's back in your house. Ask her what she really wants. Engage her in a deep tête-à-tête. Tell her that marriage isn't a joke and she shouldn't always have to pull a stunt when both of you have contretemps. This is beyond her now. You guys have kids to nurture. Family to build. This isn't a joke anymore.

You spoke my mind

Efewestern:




Heck, You can't try this with men from my side, we don't take nonsense.

I appreciate my dad now. I used to think the guy was a dictator

Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me

This scenario is prevalent in southern Nigeria now and unless something urgent is done, it will continue.

I see no reason why senior sisters who are in their husband house will always want to interfere and run their junior sisters home. They forget that nobody is interfering in their own homes and use emotional blackmail to kill their siblings marriage.

And in all the cases i have seen, their mothers are either silent thereby supporting such nonsense or dead.

Very pathetic.

you should stand your ground

Op sorry for what you are passing through but you were the cause of the whole issue. Well it has happened,and I won't want to start condemning you. Behave like a fool,accept her back,never mind,just go and pick those stuffs.Sit her down and talk to her and also try to be the man of the house. Marriage has no formula,things that worked for me may not work for you. But the most important thing is for you to take charge if ur home,it seems like your inlaws are running it for you. Gudluck bro.

SaudiBoy:
Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me

From your story,were you did wrong was going to your wife sister's house to spend time due to the financial challenges. No matter what, you shouldn't have done that. Borrowing money from her to me isn't much of an issue because you indicated you guys were very close.

An inlaw remains an inlaw. Though some are better than others but the deed is done anyway. I will advise you act as a man for once and don't allow outsiders dictate and run your home. As for your wife, you hold the keys to her attitude.

Don't beg her no matter what because you already have made an attempt for reconciliation but she isn't forth coming. I believe she will come back to her senses.

when a man can't take charge in he's home this is the result.. my advice swallow your pride for now get your wife and child back in your home..
sit her down and tell her your mind..
whatever she does after determine your next step.
another never ever ever involved her sister and your mom in your family affairs again..
blacklist them if need be

femi4:
The guy has been depending on his in-law for financial support. He has no say in the direction his family should follow

Yeah you're right. The sis in-law has no regards for the guy since she's been aiding the guy financially.

You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message

I have already given my wife conditions that both our families are not welcome anymore to our house, and i have told her and the sister the day she called me that she wants to settle us, I told her point blank to let us be and that I don't want to have anything relationship with them except it has to do with events other in-laws will come

So this truth that are yet to deal with, and the shame of my wife carrying her things back herself, which she is willing to do, but she told me clearly her sister said No, that i should bring my car. And come myself

SaudiBoy:


I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

This says it all

We cannot say when the marriage will crumble, but certainley the hand writting is on the wall. Be a man and move on, continue to check on your child because peace of mind is everything. Not when you have moved on and find another wife that she would come back after many years like those nollywood movie and tell you new wife that she is your wife and the mother of your child. Do your best to save your married because the method you used tell me that you are matured. I will pick some knowledge from your situation and pray not to have an immature lady as wife because I am the type that don`t struggle with the heart of men but let them be.

men of this days self,just sissy. op forget about that woman abi your wife,she is hoe and very arrogant.double your hustle like some said and man the fu*k up.if she likes let her travel out.you can then wait for the right time and sue her family for your child.